This chapter. This chapter is the one I've waited for. I love this chapter. And now I'm so happy to share it with all of you.
Chapter Forty-Eight: The Truth
I should have paid more attention.
No really, I get it. My mind's a mess. I can't even keep my thoughts straight enough to run. It's not unreasonable for me to be selfish right now, yadda, yadda.
But Tails. Oh, Tails. My best friend. My little brother.
The dark circles under your eyes are the kind sleep can't fix. I would know. I've worn the same kind.
-X-X-X-
Tails's View
Only when Sonic showed up in front of Tails and the door closed behind him did Tails realize he hadn't been alone in a room with Sonic since Amy had rescued Sonic from the Metarex. With the ultimatum delivered by the Metarex, there hadn't been time. But though there were scars and wounds marking up Sonic's skin beneath his fur, Sonic's eyes were clear and entirely focused on Tails.
"Um…hey, Sonic," Tails said slowly. His voice pitched higher than he intended, and he tried clearing his throat. "Is everything okay?"
"I heard you were busy while I was gone." Sonic leaned back in the chair, crossing both his arms and legs while he appraised Tails with a faint smile.
Tails furrowed his brow. What was Sonic talking about? "I—"
Sonic jerked his head in the direction of Tails's bed. "Sit."
Tails hesitated a moment. He glanced between Sonic and the space he'd just indicated. Sonic waited. He offered nothing more. It was an unusually patient gesture from him. So eventually, Tails just did as Sonic asked, his tails curling around either side of him as he sat.
"Catch."
Sonic's hand flashed behind his back and out again. Tails caught a glint of light in the air and on instinct reached out to catch what Sonic had tossed. Only to look down and realize it was a green Chaos Emerald sitting between Tails's palms.
Tails's eyes widened. He pulled away slightly, even as he held the Emerald. His eyes flashed up to Sonic to find him raising his eyebrows at Tails's reaction. "I don't understand," Tails said slowly, hoping that obscured his reaction from Sonic's suspicion.
Sonic nodded at the Chaos Emerald. "Tell me what you feel."
Tails furrowed his brow. Okay, maybe he really did have no idea where Sonic was going with this. But Sonic's steady gaze didn't falter. Which was a feat, especially considering only a few days ago, Sonic had struggled enough just keeping his eyes open.
So Tails did as Sonic asked. He wrapped his hands more firmly around the Chaos Emerald and closed his eyes. His own Chaos Energy somewhere at his core fluttered at the nearness of the Emerald. Like a tiny butterfly trying to break free.
But that wasn't what Sonic had asked him to look for. So Tails turned his attention to the Chaos Emerald itself. "It's warm," Tails said, then felt silly for saying something that seemed so obvious. You didn't have to have an affinity for the Emeralds to tell that much. So he tried to zero in beneath it. The Chaos Emerald was warm and…what else? What else?
"What are the Chaos Emeralds, Tails?"
Tails's eyes flashed open to find Sonic's already waiting for him. "What?" Tails said.
Sonic's smile widened ever so slightly. "You heard me. Tell me what you know about the Chaos Emeralds."
Tails sighed. He felt like such a kid, which he decidedly wasn't anymore. What was Sonic doing this for anyway? "Chaos Emeralds are power," Tails recited tiredly. "A power swayed by the heart. If the heart that wields them is good, only good can come of them. If the heart that wields them is evil, the Chaos Emeralds will inflict that anger and hatred on the world."
"Yup." Sonic leaned forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on his knees. "So why don't you tell me about how you became Dark Super Tails."
Tails froze.
He stared at Sonic. He could hardly remember his own body. At least until he remembered the Chaos Emerald between his hands. Tails quickly set it aside on the bed next to him, lest he triggered its power by accident. Sonic eyed the way Tails did so.
Tails's now-empty hands returned to his lap and curled around each other. "Amy told you, huh?" he said, looking down at his hands rather than at Sonic.
Sonic didn't reply. So after a long moment, Tails released a heavy breath that sent his shoulders jumping forward. "I made a bad call," he said eventually. "Shadow was in trouble. The Metarex were…they were going to do the same thing to him as they did to you. I got caught trying to save him. By Shining Birch and Rusted Maple. And I panicked."
Tails cringed at his lap. "I didn't even know it was happening. I was angry, and I knew that much. But I didn't know I'd triggered the fake Chaos Emeralds. Not until Amy…" Tails squeezed his eyes shut. His eyes were burning with the threat of tears. "I was so mad that I broke my hand and I didn't notice. I didn't feel anything but that anger."
"Okay, you got mad. So?"
Tails's head shot up. Sonic still watched him with the same appraising expression. "I…" Tails shook his head. "I became Dark Super Tails, and I didn't even know. There was all this darkness inside of me and I didn't know the difference."
"I'm mad at the Metarex too."
Tails sighed, at a loss. How did Sonic not get it? Sonic, who'd spend so much time struggling with the fake Chaos Emeralds. If Sonic didn't understand the immense weight of shame that was weighing on Tails, no one would.
But then Sonic uncrossed his arms, uncrossed his legs, and leaned forward to bridge the gap of space between himself and Tails. "You're not bad just because you felt bad things, Tails," Sonic said in a low voice. He offered the smallest smirk that looked self-deprecating among his other features. "Unless you think I am."
"Sonic…" Tails breathed. It was all he could manage. Sonic's words sucked out the rest of the air in the room.
Sonic leaned back in the chair again. He turned to look out the small window hanging between them. His smile didn't fade but his eyes changed. Softened. "The first time I ever became Dark Super Sonic was against Black Narcissus. You remember him?"
"Of…course," Tails said slowly. He remembered all the Metarex generals that had served Dark Oak. But he didn't remember this.
Sonic nodded. "The Metarex were forcing us on a path toward him for hours, and then he sent us that weird message. A trap, one Cosmo and Chris walked into."
Tails's stomach dropped out beneath him. That much he remembered. But he didn't know that was the first time that Sonic…
"Cosmo looked scared out of her mind. Chris was hurt. And rage ripped through me. All I could think about was saving them, whatever it took. Probably would have kept going too, if Eggman hadn't stopped me."
"Eggman?" Tails's mind went suddenly blank.
Sonic snorted. "Even he hated what I became. Says a lot." Sonic's eyes cut back toward Tails though his head didn't move. "I've held onto that a while. And you know, it's happened again since."
When Angel and Cream and Cheese were kidnapped. On the Metarex space station where we ended Angel's timeline. Tails had watched Sonic's cobalt fur flash to near black in a heartbeat, watched Sonic become borderline unresponsive in the midst of blind rage.
Sonic shifted ever so slightly more toward Tails. "And the Metarex used the same thing to control me when they made me one of them. The fake Chaos Energy is embedded in what they put in my brain. I can feel that now."
No words. Tails had no words.
"Look—" Sonic turned away again. His smile vanished but his eyes were alight. "—I get it. I get how you feel. How anger and hatred and shame make you feel unworthy. Because you know how the Chaos Emeralds, the real deal, respond to emotions like that. That's how you get Perfect Chaos, who unleashed their grief all over Station Square."
Tails swallowed.
"But the fake Chaos Emeralds are different," Sonic continued. "You've held them, used them, you know. They're colder, weaker. They don't respond to any heart or any emotions, just bad ones. They magnify, rather than match you."
Sonic nodded at the Chaos Emerald Tails had set aside. "Pick it up."
"Sonic…"
"Tails."
Tails stared at the Emerald. Hesitated one more moment. Then did as Sonic asked. The Chaos Emerald brightened its glow by a degree in response. Tails caught even Sonic smiling at the sight. "It feels warm, right?" Sonic said.
"Yeah, but Sonic—"
"And you've never become Dark Super Tails when you used the real Chaos Emeralds, have you?"
"No, but—"
"And you've always used the Chaos Emeralds for good, right?"
"But what if I'm not?" Tails shouted.
Sonic stopped.
Tails couldn't bear to look at him. Couldn't bear to look at the Chaos Emerald. So instead he stared at the floor without really seeing it. "What if I'm not good enough? What if I've never been good enough? I've gotten you hurt, Cosmo killed, I…" Tails shook his head, twisting his body still further away from Sonic. "Sometimes, I still feel like that little kid getting abandoned by his parents and picked on for having an extra tail. Like I've been lying to you and everyone else since you found me. Like I'm faking what everyone expects out of me. Like I'm so…unworthy. And the fake Chaos Emeralds cut through all the pretending and found the truth."
Tails shoved the heel of his hand against his eye, hoping it would soak up the tears before they dared to fall. They felt both foolish and too vulnerable simultaneously. Because this was his deepest darkest secret, wasn't it? That after all this time, he was an imposter, a little kid playing in a grown-up war, a coward calling himself a hero.
A hand clapped down on Tails's shoulder.
Slowly, Tails raised his head to meet Sonic's eyes less than an arms-length in front of him. "Bud, don't give the Metarex so much credit. They don't have the first clue who you are. But the Chaos Emeralds, the real ones, they chose you."
The Chaos Emerald burned a little hotter in Tails's hands.
Sonic grinned. "I chose you too."
Tails's heart accelerated. His mind raced, struggled and stumbled through the conflicting logics in his mind. Everything Sonic said, it was true, Tails knew it was true. But why did Tails still feel so much like an imposter? Why did he still feel so unworthy? He thought the anger he had felt revealed him, the truth of him. The fact that he wasn't a hero. The fact that he wasn't good. But with Sonic sitting there in front of him, there was one detail Tails now had to face:
Sonic was the same.
Sonic had fallen to the fake Chaos Emeralds in the same way.
And never once in Tails's life had he thought Sonic was anything but good.
"That anger you felt?" Sonic said, leaning back again. "It's a signal, not who you are. It's a message to follow. Just because the fake Chaos Emeralds magnify the worst parts of that feeling doesn't mean they're cutting through to who you are. It's just one choice. You're made of more than that."
Then, Sonic shrugged. He jumped back to his feet, stretching his arms up over his head. "Not saying you have to be okay with what happened. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it just sucked. It does for me, every time. Just saying you're not that one thing the Metarex made you be. Trust me. I should know."
Tails stared at his best friend, his big brother. Sonic should know. Sonic, who'd fallen for the same pull of the fake Chaos Emeralds. Sonic who'd been kidnapped by the Metarex not once but twice. Sonic, who still got up and relearned how to walk, to think, even after all that had happened to him.
Sonic, who Tails would always believe was good.
"Sonic?"
Sonic stopped. He'd started to move toward the door, to leave Tails with the message he'd intended to pass along. But now he looked back over his shoulder, eyebrows raised.
"You're the best person I know," Tails told him. He knew Sonic needed to hear that, knew that Sonic deserved to know that, after all he had gone through.
Sonic's expression softened as he replied, "Then you should know it's a big deal when I say the same thing about you."