A/N: Hi Everyone :) Apologies this chapter is slightly late, it's been quite a busy week!
Thank you for your continued support, and for your patience with the updates. I am thoroughly enjoying writing this story and have the remainder of it planned, I can't wait to write and share it with you!
The Liv/Barba ship is one of my favourites across any series, and I really want to stay true to their characters. So if there is anything you feel is out of character, even slightly, please do let me know. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
I know the last few chapters have spanned over the course of a few days, but the next ones will have time gaps of several days/a week, possibly up to two weeks. I'm really excited for what's coming!
Thank you again for all of your support. It's been a difficult year, and writing this story has helped me immensely. Thank you for being part of that journey.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year :)
With love,
HQ21
As soon as Rafa felt Liv's soft lips against his he deepened the kiss, capturing her mouth in a searing kiss. She moaned involuntarily against his lips, and the sensation of her lips and the sound she made caused his heart to race. His usually razor-sharp mind began to dull almost immediately, with every rational thought he had, every logical argument warning him of the risks of complicating an already complicated situation dissipating almost the moment they began to form in his mind. Instead, he found himself lost in the moment, returning a kiss which was becoming increasingly heated. The only clear thought he could form was that he did not want this to stop.
Liv's relief that Rafa returned her kiss caused excitement to bubble inside her, warmth spreading across her chest, as she continued to deepen the kiss. After several moments had passed she reached instinctively towards him, cradling his cheek with her right hand and holding onto his shoulder with her left, as though tethering herself to him. She then felt Rafa's hand upon her waist, his fingers splayed as he held her supportively, though not as tightly as she would have liked. It was as though nothing existed outside of this moment, and she wanted to savour it for as long as possible.
After kissing on the couch for a couple of minutes, Liv felt her heart begin to race, her breathing deepen, and her arousal increase. She edged cautiously towards Rafa, whose hand remained painfully decorous upon her waist, as her own hand drifted from his cheek to his chest. Without breaking the kiss, Liv quickly eased herself onto his lap, gripping the backs of his shoulders as she did so.
Rafa responded immediately, opening his legs to accommodate her, as she pressed herself down onto him. Rafa groaned involuntarily against Liv's lips, and she hummed in response, as he held her waist supportively.
"Liv" he breathed against the kiss, which he was reluctant to break. Liv hummed curiously in response, before capturing his lips once more. Rafa returned the kiss and was about to continue, when he felt her press herself down onto his lap once more. Rafa groaned in pleasure and Liv smiled against his kiss, as she felt his hands travel down her waist and find her hips, which he pulled against him. Liv moaned in response and Rafa struggled to regain his composure. "Liv, are you sure?" he breathed, his eyes dark, his breathing ragged. Liv smiled and kissed him.
"I'm sure" she breathed against his lips, humming in pleasure as she trailed kisses down his neck. Rafa closed his eyes tightly and leaned his head back, desperately trying to compose himself, but with Liv in his lap all hope was lost. He surrendered, running his hands up from her hips to her waist and back down again, as she rocked against him.
Liv gasped against Rafa's kiss and pressed herself down once more, before reaching down and pushing his hands down from her hips to cradle her bottom. Rafa moaned and pulled her against him, his hands strong yet trembling. Liv exhaled sharply against his neck as she pressed her pelvis against his, the pulsing heat between her legs causing her to become breathless and desperate. And despite Rafa's attempts to be a gentleman, it was clear he was losing control too. Which was fortunate, as she did not want him to be a gentleman right now.
Liv continued to rock against Rafa, grinding her pelvis into his as they found a rhythm which drew them each closer to the brink of ecstasy. After a couple of minutes Liv needed more, and judging by the bruising grip Rafa had upon her thighs and the strain against his trousers, so did he.
Liv kissed Rafa breathlessly and pushed down his braces, before reaching between them and undoing his zipper.
"Liv" Rafa cautioned, barely able to speak as he felt her hands upon her. "Liv, I-" Rafa's words were silenced by a pleasurable groan as Liv freed him from the confines of her underwear. "God, Liv-"
"Mmm" Liv moaned against his lips, as she kissed him passionately, whilst pressing her knees to the sides of the couch beside his thighs.
Rafa missed the contact immediately and reached instinctively towards Liv, who was quickly removing her leggings and underwear. Rafa helped her to pull them down over her lower thighs and calfs, tossing them aside and earning a smile from Liv, who placed her hands on his shoulders as she returned her full attentions to him. Rafa placed his hands on her waist to steady her and opened his eyes for a moment, meeting her gaze as she slowly began to lower herself on top of him. Rafa's hands drifted down her waist and towards her hips, pulling her down encouragingly, as she lowered herself on top of him with a breathless moan. Rafa closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch, as Liv began to move slowly, his hands pulling her encouragingly towards him.
Liv closed her eyes and moaned as she felt Rafa inside her, her body remembering him and stretching to accommodate him. They quickly established a familiar rhythm and she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to his shoulders as he gripped her hips, as they rocked towards ecstasy.
Although Rafa was unable to form many coherent thoughts, he was aware from Liv's breathing that she was close to orgasm, and pushed deeper inside her, causing her moans to become louder and more breathless. He felt her body tighten before trembling with orgasm, and he held her as she shook against him, her climax triggering his own. Their bodies rocked together for several minutes, their pace slowing and becoming less desperate and frenzied, until they had each recovered. Liv brushed her hair from her face and cupped Rafa's cheek, meeting his gaze with an expression of curiosity and affection which made his heart race. Her eyes were dark, her cheeks were flushed, and she looked utterly beautiful.
"Are you okay?" Rafa panted, the gravity of what had just happened hitting him. Liv exhaled breathlessly and smiled, nodding in response.
"Yes" she stated, her voice as weak as his. "You?" she asked. Rafa sighed and leaned back against the couch, his hands resting on her hips.
"Ask me in a couple minutes when I can see straight" he panted, closing his eyes as he leaned back. Liv chuckled and the corner of his mouth turned up into a smile.
As Rafa recovered himself, he felt Liv extricate herself from his lap. She moved with unsteady legs across the living room and towards the bathroom. By the time she returned Rafa had corrected his clothing and was running his hands through his hair in a futile attempt to restore it to some order. He watched her as she walked into the room, his eyes drifting from her bare legs to her face. He was relieved to find her looking calm and serene, offering him an amused smile as she leaned down and picked up her leggings and underwear, which she began to put on. Rafa looked away politely as she got dressed, perching himself on the edge of the couch and looking up at her when she walked towards him.
"Liv, I hope you know I didn't come here tonight for that reason" Rafa said, his tone tinged with embarrassment and uncertainty. Liv's expression sobered and she nodded as she walked slowly towards him. "It was not my intention to..." he began, apparently still finding his cognitive abilities impaired.
"Have sex?" Liv offered as she sat down beside him, leaning against the sofa as she faced him.
"No" Rafa agreed. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern in his tone and expression. Liv reached for his hand and clasped it reassuringly.
"Yes" she smiled. Rafa studied her for a moment, as though trying to work out whether she was telling the truth. Moments later, apparently satisfied, he nodded.
"Are we okay?" he asked, in as calm a manner as he could muster. Liv's expression softened and she held his gaze with confident eyes.
"Of course we're okay" she said gently, squeezing his hand as she spoke. "In fact, I think we're both more than okay" she teased, hoping levity would reassure him. Rafa's eyes glistened and he smirked, before looking down, seemingly self-consciously. Liv found herself feeling suddenly very worried.
"Rafa, if you're concerned because you regret that we-"
"I don't regret it" Rafa assured her, looking up and meeting her gaze with a confident expression. "And that's what is concerning me" he explained quietly. Liv frowned in confusion. "Not that I think I should regret it, I don't. I really don't" he assured her, trailing off as he struggled to formulate his thoughts into words. "I know things are complicated and I don't want to make this harder for you than I am sure it already is" he explained, as Liv watched him patiently, her expression one of curiosity and confusion. "I want to be with you in that way, in every way" he explained. "But I don't want you to feel pressured or rushed into something that you do not want-"
"I want this" Liv responded. "I want you" she clarified. "Very much" she added with a nervous smile. Rafa watched her with a confused expression, as though he was struggling to make sense of the words. "Do you ever wonder if we're making it more complicated than it has to be?" she asked gently. Rafa smiled softly in response, and she felt his hand upon her waist, his fingers drifting across her rounded belly.
"I'd say we've done a pretty good job when it comes to complicated" he teased. Liv chuckled and placed her hand over his. "But how we feel about each other, and our baby, is not complicated" he stated reassuringly. "It's incredibly simple" he added. "This weekend did not feel complicated" he continued. "Our discussion about our baby and the next steps was not complicated" he reminded her.
"No" Liv agreed. "No, it wasn't" she temporised. "But telling people might be."
"It might" Rafa conceded. "But we'll get through it" he assured her. "And not tonight" he reminded her, offering her a reassuring smile.
"No" Liv responded, her eyes drifting from Rafa's eyes to his lips. "Not tonight" she breathed, as she leaned forward and kissed him.
Rafa returned the kiss immediately, a tender, loving kiss which soothed her, as he placed his arm around her and drew her to his chest.
"Not tonight" he confirmed, kissing her tenderly on the forehead as he held her in his arms.
Liv and Rafa stayed up for a couple of hours, remaining close on the couch as they talked, time passing far quicker than either of them realised. When Liv began to feel tired and realised it was nearly ten o'clock, she suggested Rafa stay the night. She was delighted when he accepted.
Unlike the nightmare-plagued nights she had endured in recent weeks, Liv once again slept soundly through the night with Rafa by her side. She awoke shortly after six o'clock the following morning, feeling calm and well-rested, laying on her right side and facing her window. Rafa was right behind her, his warm, strong body pressed against hers, his left arm beneath the bedsheets draped protectively across her belly. Liv rested her arm over his own, splaying her fingers through the gaps between his, as she closed her eyes and relaxed into the pillow once more. She allowed herself to lay there for half an hour, before reluctantly removing Rafa's hand from her body, slowly and carefully in an effort not to wake him. Despite her attempts, Rafa stirred and then woke moments after she got up.
"You okay?" Rafa asked tiredly, pushing himself up as he looked at her.
"I'm fine" Liv assured him. "It's nearly seven, we have to get ready."
"Mm-hm. Okay" Rafa agreed, rubbing his eyes with one hand before getting out of bed.
Whilst Liv had spent the majority of her adult years living by herself, and enjoying her own company and routine, she had shared her home with Noah for nearly a decade. But it had been some time since she shared her home with an adult. And yet, when Rafa was here, in her home and in her sacred personal space, everything felt easier and more effortless than she imagined could be possible. Sharing space with him was easy and did not feel even slightly intrusive; he was respectful and mindful of her, and they moved around each other as though they had lived together for years. This weekend had been like experiencing a snapshot of a the family life she always dreamed she would have, and she felt both excited and terrified at how realistic and how possible the prospect was. She liked Rafa being here, and just as importantly, so did Noah. And not only did she like it, she wanted it.
Liv showered first and then headed into the bedroom, where she found Rafa had made the bed and laid out his clothes. He was sending some emails on his phone when she entered the room in her robe, the dark blue material clinging to her ever-growing belly. She watched Rafa's gaze drift from her face to her belly, and an expression she was now becoming accustomed to spread across his face; gentleness, affection and awe. He placed a hand decorously on her waist and kissed her on the cheek, before heading to the bathroom, showering as she got ready for her day.
After applying her make-up, styling her hair and changing into her black maternity trousers and one of possibly only three remaining shirts that fitted her, Liv headed into the kitchen. She prepared a cafetière of coffee for Rafa, whilst pouring herself a large glass of water with plenty of ice and a wedge of lemon. As Liv looked down at the lemon on the marble chopping board, the strong scent of citrus reached her, and her mouth watered. Before she registered what she was doing she was cutting the remaining lemon into quarters, as she would a large orange, and lifting one of the wedges to her mouth. She bit into it and practically hummed in satisfaction as pure citrus exploded in her mouth. She swallowed and then took another bite, the texture of the fruit and the sensation of the strong liquid divine. A chuckle from behind her drew her attention to Rafa, who was immaculately dressed in yesterday's suit and watching her with a look of amusement.
"Are you going to eat the whole thing?" Rafa asked, half-teasing, half-curious. Liv swallowed the lemon and juice in her mouth and tried to regain her composure. The smirk on Rafa's lips indicated she was not succeeding.
"I might" Liv responded defiantly. "I made you coffee" she added, before reaching for her ice water and taking a few sips.
"Thank you" Rafa responded, pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee, and drinking it slowly. Liv felt his eyes upon her, but the call of the lemon-wedge was too great, so she took the second quarter and bit into it, the juice and flesh of the lemon causing her to hum in satisfaction. Rafa smiled.
"So the baby really likes lemons?" Rafa asked, his tone one of curiosity and genuine interest. Liv nodded in response and lowered the bare rind onto the chopping board.
"Apparently so" Liv confirmed. "I think I could eat half a dozen of these a day" she added.
"I don't think that would be advisable" Rafa responded, faux-seriously. Liv scoffed and turned towards him.
"Tell that to your child" Liv responded, amusement present in her tone. Her eyes met Rafa's and she realised the weight of her words, and the reference to their child. Rafa's eyes warmed and a small smile played on his lips, and Liv found herself feeling suddenly self-conscious. "And a reduction in my chocolate and potato chip intake would also be great" she added lightly, placing her right hand on her belly and looking down towards it as she spoke. "I'm getting huge" she stated, her levity undercut by concern. Rafa's eyes drifted from Liv's face to her belly, and he placed his coffee cup on the counter before stepping towards her.
"Hey" he said gently, placing his right hand on her waist, prompting her to look up at him, "you are not huge" he stated with conviction. "You look beautiful" he assured her, his tone and expression warm and sincere.
"That's something men say when pregnant women complain about being huge" Liv responded.
"You're not huge, you're pregnant" Rafa said simply. "And I meant it" he assured her, stroking her waist with his hand as he spoke. Liv's eyes softened but there was worry upon her features. "And I was only kidding, you can eat all the lemons you want" he continued. Liv's eyes lit up and she laughed, prompting him to smile at her in response.
"I will" Liv replied lightly. Rafa smiled and nodded. "We should get going" she said reluctantly. "I'll drop you off at the courthouse" she added.
"Thank you" Rafa said, as he quickly drank the remainder of his coffee and followed Liv out of the kitchen. He removed his coat from the back of her chair and put it on, before picking up his briefcase.
"I'm going to tell Noah about the baby tonight" Liv said suddenly, the words stumbling out as Rafa adjusted his coat. He met her gaze and saw worry in her eyes.
"Do you want me to be with you when you tell him?" he asked gently. Liv's expression softened as she shook her heard.
"Thank you, but I think it's best I tell him by myself" she replied. "I don't want him to feel outnumbered" she explained.
"Of course" Rafa responded immediately, nodding as he spoke. "If there is anything I can do, call me, okay?" he encouraged. Liv nodded and thanked him, as she led him out of her apartment and closed the door behind them both.
"I'm having dinner with my mother tonight, and I'm going to tell her, too" Rafa explained. Liv locked the door behind her and nodded.
"How do you think she'll take it?" Liv asked, trying to conceal the worry in her voice. She had met Lucia Barba twice, and she was an impressive and accomplished woman. She wondered wheat she would think of a single mother in her late forties carrying his surprise baby. She knew Rafa was very close to his mother and did not want to cause an issue in their relationship.
"I don't think she'll grab a shotgun and drag us to the nearest courthouse" Rafa joked, earning a chuckle from Liv. "I think she'll be surprised" he temporised. "But happy" he added quickly. "She loves children, she'll be a wonderful abuelita" he stated.
"She will" Liv replied.
"And she likes you" Rafa remarked as they headed towards the elevator. Liv looked up at him in surprise.
"She doesn't know me" Liv said uncertainly, the words escaping her lips before she could stop them.
"My mother is a modern, progressive, open-minded woman" Rafa advised as the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. "She knows you're a strong, independent, high-ranking Police Officer and mother" he explained. "And she knows how I feel about you. So" he added, pushing the elevator button as Liv watched him. "She's been telling me to ask you out for dinner for weeks. Months. Years, actually" he added, as the elevator doors closed and they began their descent.
"And we skipped the dinner and dating part and went straight to parenthood" Liv said quietly.
"I think you could describe the past eight years as a courtship, of sorts" Rafa reasoned.
"You could" Liv said considerately. "But I doubt your mother will" she stated. "Are you worried she'll put you in detention for the rest of the semester?" she teased, causing Rafa to roll his eyes wearily. "Or sign you up for extra Sex Ed classes?"
"Well if she did, you'd be sitting at the desk right next to me" Rafa said lightly, as she elevator came to a half and the doors opened. Liv chuckled in amusement.
"I can't imagine she'd allow that. Who knows what we'd get up to?" she said quietly, the suggestive tone of her voice sending a shiver down Rafa's spine.
"I think she knows exactly what we'd get up to" Rafa said in an equally subdued tone, prompting Liv to laugh out loud as they headed out of her apartment building.
The day passed incredibly quickly, far too quickly for Liv, who had life-changing news to break to her son that evening.
After dropping Rafa off at the courthouse Liv headed to the precinct, greeting her team and quickly becoming fully immersed in the case of the taxi driver rapist. She assisted with the interviews of the employees of the cab company, and after questioning the fifth employee she rose from her desk and was struck by a sudden wave of dizziness. She paused for a moment and quickly recovered herself, instructing an officer to escort the witness out as she walked slowly back towards her office. A quick glance at the clock in the squadroom revealed it was almost three o'clock, and Liv realised she had not eaten yet. Unless you counted half a lemon, which she did not.
Liv made a beeline for the vending machine and made several purchases, none of them healthy, but all of them providing strong and immediate satisfaction. She carried her snacks back to her office and made her way through them as she worked, responding to emails and making calls to captains of the other boroughs to see if they had any similar cases. Before she knew it more time had passed and it was suddenly five o'clock, and she was putting on her coat and picking up her bag, heading out of the precinct and towards her car.
As Liv had been so busy and distracted during the day, she had largely been able to avoid her anxiety and concern about telling Noah about her pregnancy, but now that the day was over and she was headed home there were no more distractions. Noah was an intelligent, mature and loving child, and whilst her initial instincts were that he would be excited to be a big brother, she was also concerned. It had been just the two of them for eight years, and the prospect of adding another child to their family might be overwhelming for him. He had been an only child for so long, what if he didn't want this? What if he felt left out, or replaced? What if he worried Liv would love the baby more than him because it was her biological child? She wouldn't, of course, but she was aware that some adopted children might believe it could be true.
Liv parked her car in the parking lot and turned off the engine, sitting in silence and darkness for a few moments. She allowed herself a short time to compose herself, to inhale deeply and exhale calmly, before opening the car door and stepping out onto the tarmacked floor.
Liv entered her apartment building and greeted the doorman with a warm smile, before heading towards the elevator. The doors opened immediately and she stepped inside, selecting her floor and standing to the side, gripping the bar tightly as she ascended.
When the doors opened Liv hesitated, just for a moment, before her feet led her out of the elevator and across the hallway towards her apartment.
As Liv unlocked the front door and stepped into her apartment, the delicious smells of pasta, cheese and broccoli caused her mouth to water. She looked towards the kitchen and saw Lucy by the sink, and Noah sat at the island eating pasta and garlic bread. Upon hearing the door open he turned towards Liv, his eyes wide, his smile covered in cheese sauce.
"Mum!" Noah beamed. "Lucy made pasta! She saved you some" he announced, as Liv removed her coat and draped it over the chair, placing her bag down on top of it.
"Hi, sweetie" Liv greeted warmly, as she walked towards her son, placing her arm around him and drawing her towards him.
Liv greeted Lucy and thanked her, before confirming the dates she would be taking care of Noah this week. Lucy then said goodbye to Noah and Liv and headed out of the apartment, leaving Liv and Noah alone. Liv sat on the chair next to Noah, staring at him with affectionate but worried eyes. He took a few more mouthfuls of pasta then looked towards her.
"Yours is in the oven, mum" Noah said helpfully. "Shall I get it for you?" he asked, beginning to get of his seat as he spoke.
"No, sweetie, I'm fine, thank you" Liv said quickly, feeling too nervous to eat. "I'll eat later. You have yours now" she encouraged. Noah nodded in agreement before returning his attentions to his pasta.
Liv listened attentively as Noah told her about his day, about the new school play and the dance he was learning for it. After eating his dinner he gave her a demonstration, and she smiled as she watched him. Her sweet, happy, beautiful little boy, dancing around the living room in his dinosaur pyjamas. She hoped the news she was going to impart was not going to change a single part of that.
"Mum?" Noah asked, the confusion in his voice drawing Liv immediately from her thoughts. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine, sweetie" Liv assured him, getting off her chair as she spoke. "Noah, can you come and sit on the couch with me?" she asked gently. "There is something I want you talk to you about" she added, offering him a reassuring smile.
"Am I in trouble?" Noah asked hesitantly, despite his mother's smile.
"No" Liv assured him, as she led him towards the couch. "Why, should you be?" she asked, as they each took up their usual spots.
"No" he replied, a little too quickly to be true. Liv raised an eyebrow and tried to hide her amusement. "I pushed James at recess" he confessed. Liv's expression remained calm and unreadable. James was a new child in Noah's class, who was quickly earning a reputation for bad behaviour.
"You pushed him?" she asked, earning a single nod from Noah. "Why did you do that, Noah?" she asked gently.
"Because we were playing tag and he pushed Emily, because she tagged him, and she's a girl, so I pushed him" Noah said quickly. "Mrs Jackson saw it and said she was going to call both our mums" he added quietly.
"I see" Liv responded slowly. "It was wrong of James to push Emily, and it's important to take care of people if someone hurts them, and to stand up to people who hurt others" she explained. "But just because James pushed Emily, does not mean you can push James" she advised. "If you see someone hurt someone at school you need to tell a teacher" she added. "Do you understand?" she asked gently. Noah nodded.
"Yes, mum" he confirmed. Liv watched her son patiently for a few moments.
"Did something else happen, Noah?" she asked gently. Noah broke her gaze and looked down. It's okay, sweetie. You can tell me" she assured him. Noah considered this for a moment before looking up at his mother.
"I told James that you're a cop and that you would arrest him" Noah confessed. Liv nodded in understanding and tried not to laugh. "Am I in trouble?" he asked.
"No, sweetie. You're not in trouble" she assured him. "But I won't be arresting James, okay? We don't arrest children. We explain to children why what they did was wrong, so they can learn. Adults know how to behave, children are taught to. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, mum" Noah replied. Liv smiled softly and nodded. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?" he asked, remembering the start of their conversation. Liv felt her chest tighten and her mouth become dry. She swallowed hard and inhaled deeply, as all of the words and statements she had rehearsed in her head drifted across her mind. She met her son's curious gaze and steeled herself.
"No" Liv said quietly. "There is something else I need to talk to you about" Liv began, her voice gentle and calm. "But before I do, I want you to know that you are the most important person in my whole life" she continued, warmth and affection present in her tone. "I love you, and I love being your mum, and nothing will ever change that" she assured him. "Do you understand?" she asked gently. Noah nodded in agreement and watched her with uncertainty.
"Yes" Noah replied simply, curiosity present in his tone. "I love you too, mum" he added with affection. Liv smiled softly and nodded, wanting to continue the conversation before he his confusion developed into worry.
"Noah" Liv said gently, warmth permeating her tone, as her son looked up at her with curious eyes, waiting patiently for her to continue. "I'm going to have a baby" she said simply, the words still feel strange when she said them out loud. "Which means you are going to be a big brother" she said softly, watching him closely as he took in the news.
Noah's curiosity turned to surprise, and he frowned slightly.
"Are you going to adopt another baby, like you adopted me?" Noah asked uncertainly.
"No" Liv replied quickly, internally chastising herself for not being clear. "The baby is in my tummy" Liv explained, watching as Noah's eyes drifted from her face to her belly.
"Oh" Noah replied, staring at her belly for a moment, before looking back up and meeting her gaze once more. "When will you have the baby?" he asked.
"In January, after you go back to school" Liv replied. Noah considered this and nodded, relieved that he was calm and curious, and was asking questions. She did not want to lead him at all, and let him control the course of the conversation. "Do you have any questions?" she asked gently. "Is there anything you want to ask-"
"Is Uncle Rafa the baby's dad?" Noah asked simply. Liv felt her throat tighten slightly.
"Yes" Liv replied calmly. "Your Uncle Rafa is the father of the baby" she added. Noah's expression softened and he smiled.
"Is Uncle Rafa going to move in with us?" he asked hopefully. Liv felt relieved that he was taking the news so well, but conflicted about the direction in which the conversation was going.
"I don't know" Liv replied honestly. "Is that something you would like to happen?"
"Yes" Noah responded immediately, his eyes alight. "Can he, mum? Please?" he asked keenly.
"That's not something Uncle Rafa and I have talked about" Liv began cautiously. "Right now, we want to focus on you and the baby" she explained. "So we will live here, and Uncle Rafa will live in his apartment" she added. Noah seemed disappointed with her answer.
"So will the baby live with us or with Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked, frowning in confusion.
"The baby will live with us" Liv replied, trying to keep her answers as clear and concise as possible.
"Will I have to share my room?" Noah asked, concern present in his voice. Liv smiled softly.
"No, Noah. You won't have to share your room" Liv explained. "The baby will stay in my room with me, and you will stay in your room" she continued. "We will need to move somewhere bigger, so you and the baby can each have your own room. But that won't happen until after the baby is born, and we will pick the apartment together. Okay?" she explained. Noah considered this information for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"Is the baby a boy?" Noah asked hopefully.
"I don't know" Liv replied. "We'll find out after the baby is born" she explained.
"Oh" Noah replied, sounding somewhat deflated. "Can you have a boy, please? I would like a brother so we can play with legos" he said simply. Liv smiled softly.
"Sweetie, I can't make the baby be a boy. It might be a boy, but it might also be a girl" Liv explained. "Girls can play with legos, too" she adding consolingly.
"I guess" Noah sighed. Liv smiled softly.
"Would you like to see a picture of the baby?" Liv asked gently. Noah looked up at her and nodded keenly, a small smile playing upon his lips.
Liv got up from the couch and walked towards the armchair, where she reached into her bag and removed the most recent sonogram image. She sat back down on the couch beside Noah and let him hold it, describing the image to him. Noah stared at the black and white print out with fascination and confusion.
"Why does the baby look like an alien?" Noah asked with confusion. Liv stared at him for a moment, her lips parting slightly, as she considered how to respond to his question.
"That picture is a little bit like an X-Ray" she explained, hoping he would understand. "The baby looks like an actual baby, only smaller" she added. "Does that make sense?"
"Uh-huh" Noah replied, nodding as he spoke, his eyes not leaving the image. "It kinda looks like ET" he added. Liv laughed out loud at his remark, prompting Noah to look up at her and giggle cheekily.
"I suppose it does, a little bit" Liv conceded. Noah stared at the image for a moment before looking up at Liv.
"But it will look like a real baby when it is here?" Noah asked.
"Yes" Liv confirmed.
"Oh" Noah replied, considering the image once more and nodding. "Okay" he said simply,before looking up at Liv. "Can I have this, please?" he asked. Liv nodded immediately.
"Of course" she responded slowly, watching as Noah rose from the couch, excitement permeating his features.
Before Liv could speak, Noah hurried into his room, where he remained very briefly, before hurrying back into the living room, his arms laden with paper and crayons.
"I'm going to draw the baby" Noah announced, placing the sonogram down on the living room table and sitting on the floor, as he carefully arranged his paper and crayons. He then turned his head towards Liv and looked up at her. "Can we watch ET, please, mum?" he asked.
Feeling relieved that Noah had taken the news well, and concerned that he may believe she was actually carrying an Extra Terrestrial, Liv nodded in agreement and turned on the TV, snuggling into her usual corner of the couch, as her son picked up a green crayon.
As Liv lay draped in blankets on her couch, and oscillated between curiously wanting to see what Noah was drawing and avoid the subject entirely, Rafael Barba was walking down the corridor to his mother's apartment. He was dressed impeccably, in a black suit with a white shirt and forest green tie, and black overcoat. He was carrying a large bouquet of brightly coloured flowers which he had ordered from a local florist, which he found difficult to hold as he knocked on his mother's door.
Moments after Rafael Barba knocked on the familiar door, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps, before the deadbolt was unlocked and the door opened. His mother stood before him, her warm smile faltering slightly, as her keen eyes darted from his face to the bouquet. Her expression tightened and she met his gaze with what Rafael described as her 'teacher's glare'.
"What did you do?" asked Lucia Barba, her tone somewhere between concern and censure. Rafa blinked.
"Good evening to you too, Mami" Rafa replied dryly, as his mother stepped aside to enable him to enter. "I always bring you flowers when I come to dinner" he reminded her simply as he entered her apartment.
"Yes, you do" Lucia conceded, as she closed the door behind him. "And every time you come to tell me something you know I won't like, the bouquets have been considerably bigger" she stated, prompting her son to turn towards her. "When you announced you were leaving New York and moving to Boston, I needed four vases to contain the flowers you brought me" she informed him, walking towards him as she spoke. "You barely got those through the door" she stated, nodding towards the bouquet in his arms. "What's going on, Rafi?" she asked, her previously confident and assured demeanour undercut by a palpable degree of concern.
Rafael sighed gently and offered her the flowers, which she seemed reluctant to accept, as though doing so would prove her correct.
"Are you moving back to Boston?" Lucia asked directly, her voice calm and her eyes worried.
"No, Mami" Rafael responded quickly. "I'm not going anywhere" he assured her. Lucia considered him for a moment before nodding in agreement. She then accepted the flowers from him.
"Thank you" Lucia said hesitantly, before walking towards the dining table. Rafael followed her and watched as she laid the flowers down upon the table and took up a seat. He then sat in the chair beside her. "What's going on, Rafi?" she repeated, her voice patient and her tone one of curiosity and concern.
Rafael met his mother's gaze and swallowed hard, drumming his fingers on the oak dining table before beginning. His mother was an intelligent, rational and reasonable woman, and he loved her dearly. She was one of the most capable, resilient and hard-working women he had ever known, and he admired her greatly. And he knew from experience that she appreciated directness and honesty.
"You remember Olivia Benson" Rafael began carefully. He saw a flicker of confusion pass across her features, before she nodded in understanding.
"Of course" Lucia replied gently, confusion present in her tone. "She's the one who drives you crazy" she added simply. A small smile tugged at the corner of Rafael's lips and he nodded. Lucia noticed concern on her son's face, and his hesitant manner and worried demeanour immediately dismissed her assumptions he had invited her to dinner or told her how he felt. "Has something happened?" she continued, after her son did not continue immediately.
"Yes" Rafael admitted.
"What is it?" she asked, recognising the worry in her son's eyes, and perplexed as to what the cause might be. "Is she alright?" she added quickly, concern present in her voice.
"Yes, Mami. She's fine" Rafa assured her, offering her a tight smile. Lucia nodded and waited patiently for her son to continue. "Actually, she... she's pregnant" he stated. Lucia stared at him for a moment.
"Pregnant?" she asked, frowning in confusion. "She didn't look pregnant when she came to my school a couple of weeks ago" she said contemplatively, as she tried to remember the last time she saw her. "But why would you-?" she began, looking up at her son and meeting his gaze, her eyes widening with understanding before she asked the question which had formed in her mind and was now burning on her lips.
"Olivia is pregnant with my baby" Rafael said simply, his voice not betraying the discomfort he felt in having this conversation. He watched as his mother's eyes widened slightly and her lips parted.
"You... and Olivia-"
"Yes" Rafael replied simply, trying to ignore the fact he currently felt approximately sixteen years old.
"But you... you've only been back for a month" Lucia replied, frowning in confusion. Rafael lowered his gaze from his mother's and nodded.
"I was in New York in the spring for a case" Rafael reminded her. "We met at a bar afterwards. We argued, and I left and headed back to my hotel" he explained. "Liv didn't want us to part on bad terms, so she came to my hotel to talk, and we-"
"Did a lot more than talk" Lucia replied absently, her voice matter-of-fact but not censorious.
"Yes" Rafael conceded. "It wasn't something either of us intended to happen. But it did, and she became pregnant" he added. His mother, who appeared to be in shock, nodded. A look of realisation flashed across her face and she looked up at him.
"But that was nearly five months ago" Lucia responded, confusion and concern present in her voice. "Are you saying she is five months pregnant?" she asked.
"Eighteen weeks" Rafael responded calmly. "The baby is due in late January" he added. Lucia's shoulders fell and she appeared hurt.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked sadly, reaching across the table and placing her hand over his. "Did you think I'd be angry?" she asked, her words echoing those he spoke to Liv in the hospital on Friday night.
"No, Mami, no" Rafi said quickly, placing his hand over hers. "I didn't tell you because I only found out on Friday night" he explained. Lucia frowned in confusion.
"What?" she asked, perplexed. "I don't understand. Why didn't she tell you sooner?" she asked.
"It's complicated" Rafael began. Lucia nodded encouragingly and waited patiently for him to continue.
Over the next couple of minutes, Rafael summarised the events of Friday night, his discussions with Liv and their attendance at her OB-GYN's office on Monday morning. His mother listened attentively and in silence, nodding at intervals and squeezing his hand comfortingly on occasion.
"So Olivia and the baby are both alright?" Lucia asked keenly. Rafael, who was relieved at his mother's concern, nodded immediately in response.
"They're both fine, Mami" Rafael assured her. "Liv is anaemic, but she has been prescribed medication so that can be managed during her pregnancy" he explained. Lucia nodded in understanding. "Would you like to see the ultrasound?" he asked. His mother's eyes darted to his and she nodded keenly. Rafael removed his hands from hers and removed his wallet from his pocket, opening it and taking out the ultrasound image, which he handed to her.
Lucia accepted the image with reverence, holding it in her left hand and studying it closely. Rafael watched as she stared at the black and white image, her eyes softening and becoming tearful. She covered her mouth with her right hand, her eyes never leaving the image. Rafael reached out towards her and placed a comfortingly hand on her arm.
"Everything's going to be fine, Mami" Rafael assured her. "Liv and I have talked, we are talking" he explained. "I know this is unexpected" he continued, prompting his mother to look up at him. "And somewhat unconventional" he added quickly. "But Liv and I both care about each other deeply. And we are going to take care of our baby" he stated with conviction. "I am going to support Liv and the baby physically, financially-"
"I know you are. I know" Lucia responded, offering her son a proud smile. "You always do the right thing, Rafi. I never doubted that for a moment" she added with a wave of her hand, as she returned her attentions to the ultrasound image. She was silent for a few moments and Rafael did not interrupt it. "I knew you love her" she said simply, her eyes not leaving the image as she spoke. "I've known for a while. I could tell by the way you talked about her" she continued. "Whilst I'm glad you followed my advice and told her how you felt, this wasn't quite what I had in mind" she said, lifting the ultrasound image in the air as she spoke.
"I am sure it wasn't" Rafael responded slowly.
"I meant ask her out for dinner-"
"We've had dinner many times" Rafael responded.
"As colleagues, yes. But I meant more as a date than a professional consultation" she clarified, returning her gaze to the image once more. Rafael nodded in response, not wishing to argue with his mother by informing her of the complexity of his and Liv's relationship and the late night dinners and talks they had shared; nights which had been more intimate than some of the physical encounters he had had with past girlfriends.
"I know, mami" Rafael assured her. "But what happened has happened, and Liv and I are having a baby" he said simply. "And we are both committed to-"
"I know you are" Lucia assured him. "I never doubted your commitment to Olivia or to your child" she stated with conviction. "I'm going to be an abuelita" she said with a smile. Rafael smiled in response and nodded.
"You are" he confirmed. She nodded.
"And you're going to be a father" she added, laying the ultrasound image down on the table and looking at her son with pride. Rafael smiled in response, nodding slowly as he averted her gaze. "What is it?" she asked, recognising his concern. Rafael swallowed thickly and met her gaze once more.
"Liv is an incredible mother. She is wonderful with children" Rafael said warmly. "She's so natural with them and I... am not" he stated. "I've never even held a baby" he added, concern present in his voice. "I wouldn't know the first thing about how to take care of one."
"No one does at first, Rafi" Lucia responded, her voice warm and reassuring. "I didn't, and I'm sure Olivia didn't either" she added. "You learn. Sure, you make mistakes, but that is part of learning" she said simply. "Olivia can help you, and I can help you" she continued, as she became increasingly aware of the extent of her son's concern and self-doubt. "You will be a wonderful father, Rafi" she said with affection, reaching out and taking his hand as she spoke.
"It's never something I thought about before. Not really" Rafael admitted. Lucia nodded in understanding, and remained quiet for a moment.
"Rafi, you are nothing like your father" Lucia assured him, her words prompting him to look up immediately and meet her gaze. She rarely broached the subject of his father, and nor did he, indeed they had not talked about him in years. "I have always been proud of you. I'm proud of how hard you worked, how far you have gone, the work that you do" she stated. "But most of all, I am proud that you are such a kind, intelligent and compassionate man who strives to do the right thing, even when it's hard" she added. "You've always done what is right instead of what is easy or convenient, and that is rare, and so important" she assured him. "Not knowing how to change a diaper does not mean you cannot be a good father. That is something you can learn, and quickly, too" she assured him. "You are a good man, Rafi, and you will be a great father" she stated with conviction.
"Thank you, Mami" Rafael said quietly, squeezing her hand gently and offering her a small smile. Lucia watched him for a moment as she considered her next words.
"I know that your relationship with Olivia is complicated" Lucia said softly, prompting Rafael to look up at her with curious eyes. "I'm sure it's more complicated than I realise, especially now" she conceded, not wanting him to think she was making assumptions. "But as someone who spent too long with someone I did not love, I've come to realise that the only thing worse than that is not being with someone you do love" she added, her expression softening. "If you and Olivia are happy to remain friends and co-parent together, I have every confidence that you will be able to do that" she stated with conviction. "But if you want to be with her, and she wants to be with you, pursue it" she continued, as Rafael held her gaze. "Because the only thing greater than fear is regret" she added, squeezing her son's hand as she spoke. "And perhaps the reason this baby is coming is to make you both realise that."