Aldred Adelstan: "Witches and wizards of England, and those watching from other parts of the world, a very warm welcome to you all. You're watching Pitch Perspective. I'm Aldred Adelstan, and it's my pleasure to be joined today by Edmond Percival. We have a particularly exciting topic lined up for you."

Edmond Percival: "That's right, Al. Today, we're diving into the Quaffle Cup."

Aldred: "And I think the first question on everyone's mind when we bring up the Quaffle Cup is: why are we talking about the Quaffle Cup, Ed?"

Edmond: "That's an excellent question, Al, but I've got an even better one: why don't we talk about the Quaffle Cup more often? Because, honestly, it's a fascinating league that's been steadily gaining a foothold in England's Quidditch calendar."

Aldred: "I hear it's been growing in popularity."

Edmond: "Absolutely, Al."

Aldred: "Indeed," said Al, pausing to take a sip of beer from the program's sponsor brand, "the league's organizers have been working tirelessly to introduce innovations that captivate audiences. Lack of innovation is precisely what's fuelling much of the criticism surrounding the main league. The new Quaffle Cup stadiums are a testament to that commitment."

Edmond: "Yes, they're absolutely stunning, but we'll have plenty of time to discuss all those exciting aspects of the Quaffle Cup later. Today, I want to focus on the main reason for today's topic. And that is..." Ed paused dramatically.

The sound technician cued a drumroll.

Aldred: "Ginny Potter and the Heavenbrook Angels," declared Al, followed by the triumphant blare of several horns.

The screen behind them displayed an image of Ginny alongside her stats.

Ginny Weasley-Potter, 44 years old, Gryffindor. Coach of the Heavenbrook Angels. Three-time British and Irish Quidditch League champion as Chaser with the Holyhead Harpies.

Edmond: "That's right, the official roster for the new Heavenbrook Angels season is out, and Ginny Potter, celebrated journalist and British Quidditch icon, is at the helm."

Aldred: "Ginny Potter as a team coach—now that's something I could talk about for hours."

Edmond: "Do you think she's qualified to be a coach?"

Aldred: "No doubt about it, Ed. She could even coach a British and Irish League team if she wanted to. From what I hear, some of them have already approached her with offers."

Edmond: "So why the Heavenbrook Angels?"

Aldred: "Only Ginny could answer that, and so far, she hasn't made any official comments."

Edmond: "She's agreed to a few interviews, so we should have an official response soon."

Aldred: "Until then, we're left to speculate. What's your theory on why Ginny made this choice?"

Edmond: "I've got an idea, but first, let me ask you this: looking at the roster we have in front of us, do you think this is the team Ginny wanted to assemble, or is it the team she could afford?"

Aldred: "I think it's a mix of both. I mean, I'd want the prodigy Orion Graves and Damon Alder on my team too."

Edmond: "Those two would certainly be stellar additions to the Cannons. I'd wager the Angels' entire budget went just to them."

Orion Graves, jersey number 5, Chaser, 19 years old, Hufflepuff, rookie.

Aldred: "That's the only explanation for why Orion would turn down all those other offers—some of them quite generous, from what I hear—and agree to play for a second-division team."

Edmond Percival: "But Crash didn't have much of a choice."

Damon 'Crash' Alder, jersey number 3, Beater, 25 years old, Slytherin.

Aldred: "He did, actually. Crash had a free pass to play for any league outside of England."

Edmond: "I heard he even got an offer to play in Dubai."

Aldred: "He should've taken it. That would've solved his money problems for sure. There are rumours he's been spotted sleeping on a bench in Hyde Park."

Edmond: "True, but honestly, that sounds like something he'd do even before he lost everything."

Aldred: "Fair point."

Edmond: "Maybe he's a patriot."

Aldred: "He's not even English."

Edmond: "True again. Damon's a New Yorker, Muggle-born, with an American father and a Welsh mother. Moved to the UK when he was ten after his parents divorced. Word is, he wanted to be a baseball player before discovering his magical nature."

Aldred: "That's where he got his skill with a bat."

Edmond: "I'd say Ginny might be stretching her budget thin to pay his salary, but there's no way she could've matched an offer from Dubai. So, there must be other reasons."

Aldred: "And perhaps one of those reasons is Estela Hawke."

Estela Hawke, Captain, jersey number 4, Chaser, 22 years old, Ravenclaw, British and Irish Quidditch League Champion with the Falmouth Falcons in 2022.

Edmond: "Estela debuted in 2020 and was a standout from her very first year. By her second season, she led her team to victory."

Aldred: "Or almost, since she didn't actually play in the final. Her championship run—and her career—were tragically interrupted, and the one responsible was Alder himself."

Edmond: "You know what's even more tragic? Rumour has it they were a couple at the time."

Aldred: "I remember reading something about that in the tabloids."

Edmond: "There's no rule in the League prohibiting relationships between players on rival teams."

Aldred: "No, but I doubt the coaches would be thrilled to see their players bringing relationship drama onto the field."

Edmond: "For those who've been living on the moon the past few years, Estela Hawke fell fifteen meters from her broom during a semifinal match after being struck by a Bludger batted by Damon."

Aldred: "I remember the uproar at the time. She survived but was left paralyzed, wasn't she? And now she's back in the game? Did she recover from her injury?"

Edmond: "Apparently not. Estela returned a year later to her old team, claiming she'd developed an innovative system that allowed her to fly even better than before."

Aldred: "And what's this system?"

Edmond: "Essentially, she straps herself to her broom."

Aldred: "And that's allowed?"

Edmond: "Well, it's something that needs to be looked into, but the Quaffle Cup has approved it. Insiders say she's playing better than ever."

Aldred: "But now I'm wondering—does strapping herself to the broom give her an advantage over other players?"

Edmond: "I have no idea."

Aldred: "And wouldn't it make more sense for Estela to compete in a Paralympic Quidditch division?"

Edmond: "Probably, if such a division existed."

Aldred: "Well then, League executives, you're missing out. Get on it and establish that division already. What kind of prejudice is this?"

Edmond: "All I know is I'm very curious to see Estela play again. Do you remember how stunning she was?"

Aldred: "Still is. Gorgeous, and with an incredible story of resilience."

Edmond: "Exactly. Ladies, take a page out of Estela's book—she went through all that and still took care of her appearance."

Aldred: "But do you think Estela and Damon's past relationship might have influenced his joining the team?"

Edmond: "No idea. All I know is, this guy can't be too thrilled."

Tariq Thorne, jersey number 2, Beater, 20 years old, Hufflepuff, rookie.

Edmond Percival: "I'd buy a ticket to see the romance of Tariq and Estela on the big screen."

Aldred: "Starring Daisy Ridley and John Boyega."

Edmond: "Though John might need to put on a bit of weight for the role," he said, laughing.

Aldred: "Quite a bit, I'd say." The two burst into laughter, followed by the whimsical tune of Baby Elephant Walk.

Edmond: "Where did they even find a broomstick that can carry this guy?"

Aldred: "Alright, enough joking. Let's get serious. What do we know about John—I mean, Tariq?"

Edmond: "Tariq tried out for several teams but never made it past the preliminaries."

Aldred: "That's not surprising, but if Estela is playing as well as they say, having Tariq on the team might be a small price to pay for her."

Edmond: "Let's move on."

Anaya Kapoor, jersey number 1, Keeper, 18 years old, signed with the Holyhead Harpies, loaned to the Heavenbrook Angels.

Aldred: "Everyone here knows Amara Kapoor. Let's just say this apple didn't fall far from the tree."

Edmond: "There's no questioning Anaya's skills. The Harpies wouldn't have signed her if she weren't excellent. But since they already have two great Keepers, it makes sense to loan her out to gain some experience under Ginny's supervision before taking on a spot in the League."

Aldred: "Not much else to add there, unlike this next one."

Kim Seong-jin, aka Sean Fitzgerald, jersey number 6, Chaser, 19 years old, Slytherin, rookie.

Edmond: "Third son of Theodor Fitzgerald."

Aldred: "First from the second marriage."

Edmond: "What strikes me as odd about this one being on the team is that, first, his father is one of the key shareholders of the British and Irish League. And both his older brothers played in the League."

Aldred: "I wouldn't say his brothers were exceptional players, but the League isn't made up entirely of superstars."

Edmond: "Average players, with average careers, who retired early to help manage and enjoy their father's fortune."

Aldred: "What sets young Sean apart from his brothers?"

Edmond: "As far as I know, Sean's the real deal. A record-breaking scorer at school with an impeccable aim. He even attended the League's open try-outs alongside Orion and performed exceptionally well, yet received no offers."

Aldred: "Do you think Seanging here—pardon my Korean—is facing some kind of sabotage?"

Edmond: "Who would have the power to persecute the king's son, besides..."

Aldred: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch what you say. Do you know what lawyers charge these days?"

Edmond: "Fair enough. Moving on to the cherry on top."

Thessaly Wyrmwood, jersey number 7, Seeker, 18 years old, Gryffindor, rookie.

Aldred: "This one caught us all off guard."

Edmond: "Thessaly is the daughter of Jareth and Gytha Wyrmwood, notorious Death Eaters who participated in the Battle of Hogwarts."

Aldred: "Indeed. And we're not talking about those coerced under the Imperius Curse. No, these two were full-fledged Death Eaters, descendants of Death Eaters, and who knows what else."

Edmond: "True enough. The Wyrmwood family has been on the wrong side of not one, but two wars."

Aldred: "And not just them—the Nott family, who adopted Thessaly after her parents' imprisonment, has its own dark history. Not necessarily Terence and Fryga, but there were plenty of Notts fighting for Voldemort."

Edmond: "This girl has all the makings of trouble."

Aldred: "No wonder she spent seven years at Hogwarts getting into fights and all sorts of mischief."

Edmond: "Even under a false identity, no less."

Aldred: "And the most intriguing part? The Auror who arrested the Wyrmwoods was none other than Harry Potter himself."

Edmond: "Let's hope young Thessaly isn't the vengeful type because being so close to her nemesis's wife would be the opportunity of a lifetime."

Aldred: "True, but that sword cuts both ways. Among the many murders Jareth stands accused of..."

Edmond: "You mean besides the ones he's already convicted for?"

Aldred: "Precisely. Beyond those, Jareth is also under investigation for the death of Fred Weasley."

Dun dun dunnnn—the background music swelled dramatically.

Edmond: "Is this serious, Al? Our lawyer's waving frantically at us from the backstage."

Aldred: "We'll have more updates on that soon, but I won't spoil the Daily Prophet's upcoming exclusive."

The Daily Prophet jingle played: "Your trusted source for news since Merlin's time."

Aldred: "So, Ed, what's your theory on why Ginny decided to coach the Heavenbrook Angels?"

Drumroll.

Edmond: "She's lost her mind."

Ba-dum tss—the drum sting punctuated the joke as the show's closing jingle played.