Alright Gomie, I think I got a surefire way to get more brewskis in your belly," I said, flashing him my crooked grin.
We were kicking it on the corner, bored outta our minds on a Saturday night. Gomie still wasn't over that traumatic first beer experience a while back. "What, you mean like the time you chucked your guts in the trash and made me drink it?" he said, nose wrinkling at the memory.
I laughed, cuffing him upside the head. "Water under the bridge, ese. Anyways, check it -" I pulled out two shiny new fake IDs from my back pocket. Gomie's eyes bugged out seeing our mugs next to dates that surely made us 21 by now.
"Hank, c'mon man we're still pipsqueaks. No way they're gonna buy we're old enough to drink," Gomie protested skeptically. But I was already formulating my flawless plan.
"Just leave the smooth talkin' to yours truly," I reassured him. "And if anyone questions how tall we are, I'll just get all defensive. 'Ey man I'm a dwarf, you got a problem with that?' Shut 'em up real quick."
Gomie still didn't look convinced, so I slung an arm around his bony shoulders. "You doubtin' your homie Hank, the soon-to-be legendary Beer Bandit? Clint Eastwood's got nothin' on me, vato!"
With that I swaggered into the bodega, scoping for my marks. An older dude was chatting up the clerk, perfect. I butted in real enthusiastic. "Hey man, catch the game last night? Those Cowboys sure showed them 49ers!"
He took the bait, engaging my fake fandom. Soon as he mentioned hitting the bar after work though, I swooped in. "No kiddin, wish I coulda joined y'all! My buddies at the office and me, we was watchin' together. But nah, the security guard was being a real prick, said I had to sober up or something. Psh, like I'm not a taxpaying citizen!"
The dude laughed, totally agreeing as I smoothly lifted a sixer. "Right on brother, catch you later then." And with that, I sauntered out like I owned the place, Gomie's dropped jaw making the heist all the sweeter.
"See?" I grinned, holding our bounty high. "The Beer Bandit strikes again! Now let's get shitty, cholo!"
Just then a gang of older kids were there
"What are you fags up to" they said
"Hey, none of your fucking business" i said. Just then, they grabbed onto my beer and ran with it.