Well, it seemed pretty fitting to post this on New Year after all ! Please review, it feeds my muse !
24th of January 1868, Gregorian calendar.
That Fushimi Magistrate office was so cramped that I could hardly breathe ! I never thought that I would regret the time spend in hiding inside the Shinsengumi coumpound. My quiet retreat was over; rumours and accounts of my 'magical' stunt now run freely. Fortunately, the men regarded me with awe and deference for saving Kyokuchō's life, not suspicion.
While soldiers shared dormitories, us captains had gathered in a room turned into headquarters. Harada snored, and so did Kondō-san. Dearest Saitō had bristled a lot to share his room with a woman at first; I'd chosen to bunk in by the wall furthest to the entrance. Toshizō shielded me from the men by settling beside me; it was just as well. And I could sneak my hand across, sometimes. The lack of physical contact was killing me, but beggars couldn't be choosers.
The Sarmatian bow laid between my futon and the wall, discarded. Useless. But the gun at my hip was filled with bullets. Times changed… I needed to accept it.
Going to the shrine for New Year was totally out of the question; even though I was not hidden anymore, we couldn't set foot in the city without causing a riot. Tensions were so high that Shinpachi and Harada took bets on the numbers of hours it would take to get a full scale battle. So, once more, the feeling I'd had was verified.
Saitō and I sparred often to relieve pressure while Kondō, Hijikata and Sanan spend countless hours reconvening upon the situation. Both Yamazaki and Shimada came and went in the night, gathering intel. Things moved too fast for us to make heads or tails of it. The Shōgunate army from Edo had joined factions from Ōsaka, hoping to convey the message of their master to the imperial palace.
Like that cannot go wrong.
So when New Year came, and Nagakura's complaining about lacks of mochi frayed my nerves, I climbed upon the rooftop and waited for the bells to sing. And, true to their calling, they started ringing in the night.
Ding. It was a deep sound that echoed through the whole of Kyōto. Distant singing also filtered, monks repeating a mantra foreign to my ears, charged with energy.
Dong.
It would echo one hundred and eight times. For the hundred and seven sins of mankind, the last one representing the washing and cleansing of them all to start a new year. Sanan had told me the date in France; 24th of January. I had shrugged it off; somehow, I was pretty indifferent to the fate of my country in this period.
Dong. So far away.
The only thing I knew from my history classes was that the Franco-Prussian war was around the corner, and that we would lose the territories of Alsace and Lorraine in the defeat. Would that man, Jules Brunet who resided in Ōsaka with the Shōgun's troops, fight in this war as well?
Dong, dong.
I sighed dejectedly. I would have loved to wear that kimono again, the blue one that Toshi had chosen for me. Flowers in my hair, Kondō's tall frame beside me, and perhaps the man I had given my heart to by my side. I could have loved to partake in the folklore of that special night. But after the ambush, it would have been folly to go out.
The Shinsengumi were pretty renown in Kyōto. And so was I, now… Voices rose in the courtyard, and I surmised I might join them to celebrate the passing of the year. Who knew where we all would be, a week from now? A year? As I was about to rise, silent footsteps caused the tiles to shake almost imperceptibly.
"The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things", echoed a familiar voice beside me. I smiled, listening to those bouts of poetry murmured in the night. "The color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind."
Toshizō settled by my side on the rooftop, and I laid my head upon his shoulder gratefully.
"What is this?"
"The Tale of the Heike, written in the 13th century."
I just nodded and listened to the bells. The sound echoed far and wide, vibrating in my chest. Toshizō's breathing by my side soothed me, and I grabbed his hand, finding it too cold. I dragged the elvish cape over us both, creating a bubble of warmth to shield my man from the chill. For a moment, all was well in the world. Then I felt warmth upon my temple, and I found dark eyes boring holes into mine. In the low lights of the lanterns below, he was but a shadow with simmering irises.
"The guys wanted to celebrate with you. They found some sake."
I snorted.
"And for once, I wanted to be a woman. But they still consider me one of the men, don't they?"
"You could be an Edo woman."
I smiled. "Your words for bold and untamed?"
He nodded seriously, his gaze returning to the few stars that danced within the clouds.
"Hai. But honestly, even an Edo woman doesn't hold a candle to you. Shinpachi was totally in awe of your skills. It doesn't help his infatuation, but he eventually realised he can't have you if you're magical."
"No", I snorted. "Only an Oni will do."
After an elf, that is.
Toshizō smirked, and I kissed the corner of his lips. Allowing myself a moment to linger, I took a deep whiff of his faint, masculine scent before my thoughts returned to the matter at hand. Brushing the subject of Nagakura's infatuation aside; our last mission had tightened the bonds between us. I knew that he now trusted me, as I trusted him. Brothers in arms. This was enough.
"I respect bold women of this era", I mused. "They are admirable because they find a way to be powerful even with conventions weighting them down. I have nothing of this, I am entirely free and don't care a notch for my reputation because I am unattached. And not burdened by marriage prospects."
"Unnattached?"
His voice rang differently then, and I wondered what that word meant to him. So I pushed on to explain myself.
"I can't dishonour my family."
Toshizō sighed, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I shifted to settle against him, relishing in the shared warmth the cape provided. Another magical item to add to the list of my belongings. Deep down, I was grateful for the man who sat by my side on a rooftop, even though he didn't belong to me.
"Toshi…", I started.
He hummed. The words were stuck in my throat, and I had to swallow before uttering them out. Why did I feel the need to say this?
"If you find the woman you love again, I'll bow out of your life."
The arm tightened around my shoulders, and I felt him exhale by my side. As if he was deflating altogether.
"She's married. And probably hates my guts", he murmured, his voice silent.
Damn, I should have kept my mouth shut. It hurt him. But to hate him, really? Fukuchō was sometimes harsh, but never unfair. And dedicated. He'd spared Chizuru-chan when he coud have killed her.
"I doubt she could…"
Toshizō shifted, his features tense as he looked me in the eye.
"You'd be surprised how easy it is to hate me. Many people do."
There was a question there, that spark of uncertainty that sometimes surfaced, deep whithin. The boyish need to be loved.
"I never did."
His eyes dropped.
"I broke her heart. Okoto was the daughter of the shamisen shop owners. She would be dead by now if I had married her. Or left alone with children I wouldn't take care off, probably shunned by most of the Samurai class for marrying a man that couldn't keep his place."
I frowned. "But Sano and Kondō-san are married."
"Kondō is hardly seing his family. Should I be a husband, I want to be here to see my children grow up, and guide them."
I nodded, then took a peek at the courtyard below; still no one in sight. Satisfied, I reached for his face to drop a kiss upon his lips. There were soft and welcoming, so much that I feasted upon them for a while. But I had a statement to make, so I reluctantly drew away.
"And you're already a father to many."
"Hai", he sighed, offering a lopsided smile. "I guess I'll find Okoto in another life, if we are meant to cross path again."
This whole reincarnation business left me skeptical, but I was warming up to the idea. Especially if it meant I could keep Toshizō to myself in this life; I was cunning like that.
"That's a good thought to have. You are a good man, Toshi, this is what drew me to you."
"I am commited to whatever I do."
This was subtle way to accept praise, the circumvoluted polite and yet non derisive Japanese answer. "Does it mean I can remain by your side?"
"You're as deadly as I am. Exactly what I need in this life."
What if the war ends? I am total unsuitbable to civil life. Chasing those thoughs away, I nodded firmly.
"Good to know. I'll be here to the end, Fukuchō."
The man shook his head, his breath creating volutes in the cold night.
"Toshi. When on a rooftop, watching the stars and playing Neko, I'm just Toshi. Fukuchō had enough work as it is to curb the Keeper of Time on top of that."
I smirked at the jab. "I'll be by your side, Toshi. Should we join the others before they are totally wasted. I was dreaming of wearing that kimono again, do you think it would be fitting?"
His eyes flashed with envy.
"The blue one?"
"It's the only one I have", I deadpanned.
His lips curled. "Why not. You look ravishing in it."
Ravishing. My mind was already flying to more welcoming moments where we didn't have to climb on a rooftop to find five minutes to speak privately.
"You and I need to find a secluded spot at some point."
"Sexual frustration is good for battle", he just deadpanned, as if he didn't have a care in the world. I groaned, following him down the lower hanging roof.
"I'm gonna be a war machine then", I snorted, jumping down on the hardened earth. Another muffled noise greeted Hijikata's own leap, supple and swift.
"A what ?", He asked with a blink.
A war machine, er… A bersekerker ?
"Awesome ?", I chanced.
"You already are."
My eyes widened; I couldn't believe Hijikata would just say that. But there were no lies in his eyes, only pride. I smiled to myself and we sneaked back to the common room. Laugher and sake filled it already, and we were greeted by the sight of all the captains reunited. Even Sanan and Heisuke had managed to escape the Rasetsu corps for the night; that very gathering warmed my heart. The slight smell of mandarins topped the much, more disagreeable one of alcohol and I looked forward to devouring a few fruits.
"Oi Hijikata-san, so you finally found her!", Heisuke yelled in my ear.
I rolled my eyes. Drunk already. Toshizō's smooth voice gave nothing away as he nodded.
"On a rooftop. Hiding away." He kept the fondness hidden within the deep tones. Harada waved me over, patting a spot beside him.
"That's too bad, Kitsu. Tonight, we celebrate, so get you ass over here."
"Actually, I'm going to dress up for the occasion", except that Chizuru wasn't there to help me with that monstrosity of a belt. "Do you happen to know how to tie an obi?"
"I know how to untie one!", he drawled, waggling his eyebrows playfully.
I just slapped his arm in retaliation; Sanosuke would never make a move over me. Given I considered him like a brother, and he saw me as one of the guys, we could trade sexual inuendos without mercy. But Inoue-san, ever the gentleman, scolded him gently.
"Harada-san, please".
And a special someone was none too happy about it either. Jealousy caused Hijikata's features to close off as he glared: "We all do, baka…"
Come to think of it, Toshizō seldomly saw Sano and I interact. Most of our complicity came from patrols and time spent at his house with his wife. Needless to say the Vice Commander was surprised by the ease with which we teased each other.
"Let me find a screen, then", Inoue-san offered.
I wanted to tell him it wasn't needed, that I would keep the juban anyway. But it might have been quite too shocking for their taste; changing in a room full of drunk men wasn't acceptable. I smirked; perhaps now wasn't the time to tell them where I changed my bathing suit when going to the beach.
So I just thanked him and, upon his return, helped him set it up beside my futon. A few remarks were sent my way as I shuffled out of my clothes, keeping the tight legging for warmth, and set to work on the numerous layers of the kimono.
The garment felt heavy in my hands, silk and embroideries looking me in the eye, telling me how spoilt I'd been by the Shinsengumi this past year. They were an improvised family. A bit on the rowdy side, but I trusted every one of them with my life. They would guard mine, as I guarded theirs.
"All right, Kitsu?", came Harada's voice from the other side of the screen.
"One minute, then you can help me tie that tentacular stuff."
Too bad I couldn't ask Toshizō, but secrecy was secrecy. Sano would do. I set my sleeves inside the kimono, tied the koshi-himo, folded, adjusted the length, then tied the second one. It was a tedious process, with plenty of pulling and shifting to make it sit right. But it was well worth it; I'd never seen more beautiful garment in my life, except for elvish dresses.
"There", I called.
Harada popped around the corner and I lifted my arms to allow him to tie the obi in my back. As he did, I removed the high ponytail to comb my hair with my fingers. Sanosuke's pulls kept my body moving around, and I eeped when he actually squeezed me tight. "Sorry", he said, struggling with the elaborate knot. "It won't be as neat as Masa's".
I just hummed as ringlets evened out around me, falling past my waist. Blood red over midnight blue; such a contrast. At last, I heard Sanosuke sigh in victory. "Phew!"
I fetched the wooden comb from my bag, and secured it on the right side. Too bad I couldn't get a picture; I would have loved to see how I looked right now. When I turned around, Harada openly gaped. At me, first, but mostly at the hair piece buried in my locks.
"Where does that come from ?", he whispered.
I rolled my eyes significantly, not wanting to speak of my relationship with Hijikata when the others could hear me. Sano brushed his hand over the lackered ornament, looking completely gobsmacked. What was I missing ? That comb seemed to hold a significant meaning to him, and I stowed the information for later. I would have to ask Toshizō.
But not now. For now, the feast awaited us, and I wanted to enjoy every single moment with the captains before hell broke loose. So I pushed Sano's hand away and smiled. Something strange flashed in his eyes before he grinned back.
"Wow, Kitsu … you actually look like a woman."
"Who would have known?", I retorted playfully. Then, I stepped out from behind the screen, and got back to the cushion beside him.
"So, where were we?", I asked playfully.
A sudden rush of silence greeted our appearance. All eyes turned to me, and I flushed furiously. Dressing up for the occasion, all right. But I tended to forget I was the only woman here, and they'd only seen me wearing pants or hakamas. Shinpachi, in the process of pouring sake, actually froze with the bottle held midair.
"Hey!", Heisuke yelled at him when the liquid overflowed. His cries broke the silence, and people returned to the celebration.
"You look beautiful, Frances-chan", Kondō said with a smile. "Thank you for gracing us with your companionship tonight."
I gaped at him, wondering how me playing the woman could actually bring such gratitude. But he was Kondō-san after all, so I just bowed to him.
"I can only thank you for the gift, once more."
My eyes only passed swiftly over Toshizō; he nodded gently, his eyes taking me in without betraying his true feelings about it. My lips curled ever slighty and I slanted my head aside, hoping he would notice the comb in my hair. Unfortunately, someone else did.
"That's a beautiful hairpiece", Sanan commented, silky tones neutral but eyes twinkling with delight. I gracefully turned my head, all amusement hidden from my features.
"It is."
The man gave me this bone chilling smirk that caused his subordinates to cower, the one that said 'I have the means to make you talk, and won't shy away from using them.' I just sent him my most innocent smile; Sanan blinked, and his features softened. If he suspected something about the comb's origins, he didn't say. So I just poured more sake to my closest neighbours, Harada and Saitō, and settled back to enjoy the evening.
"I hope no one's attacking tomorrow", I mused.
"Even the SatChō are drunk by now", Saitō provided from his seat. His lips quirked, and I realised it was the first time I heard him joke. I grinned back at him, and saw his cheeks colour.
"Kitsu-san, please don't break Saitō-san", Shinpachi snorted from his seat. "He's the best drunk fighter we have."
The young man flushed even darker, and I caught Hijikata's gaze as he drank another cup of sake. I lifted my own recipient to the Vice Commander, and he returned the gesture. Drunk fighter indeed, uh?
In spite of the sad drink that sloshed within, I had to admit that this New Year's celebration was one of the best of my life. The memory would forever be carved in my mind; the last gathering of the Shinsengumi before all hell broke loose.
So. We're, at last, at the end of 1867. This story should take us to June 1869, where you all know what happens, I guess. I hope year 1868 won't be as massive as 1867 else I'll never see the end of that fiction: D
Anyone knows what gifting a comb means in Japanese Edo culture ? :D