and one big ass engagement ring:
Miranda had lied. she didn't have a gift for Ben. at home or otherwise. with their fight, it was just easier not to think about it because she hadn't been sure that they'd make up before the holiday rolled around. or if they'd still be feuding.
but not only had they made up, they'd made love.
severaltimes.
and it'd been good. so good, in fact, that she'd almost forgotten that christmas was the next day and that she had nothing to show for it. outwardly, she'd asked Ben to give her a day to think about everything that'd happened between them. inwardly, she just needed to find a gift for her best friend.
Callie's nonchalance poured through the phone as she proclaimed: "sex! it's what he thought he was getting anyway. and i'm sure it's good." after a second, she added, "not that i know."
"and you never will" both her wife and her friend said at the same time.
after they'd finished laughing, Miranda said: "that's not enough, is it?" her heart leapt thinking about the necklace sitting just above it. "i mean, he got me this gorgeous necklace and i'm what? gonna give him a few—" her bedroom door opened suddenly and Sanaa walked in with her coat unbuttoned and unzipped. "heeey, baby."
"Ma, Grandma and Grandpa are almost ready to go to the festival of trees."
Miranda looked at the time. it was almost seven o'clock.
"is that my godchild?" Callie's voice was loud enough for the teen to hear.
she rushed to the phone and tapped on the speaker icon. "hi, Aunt Callie. i got your gifts. i can't wait to see what they are!"
"you're welcome, babe." the three of them chatted for a bit on speakerphone while Miranda adorned her body with jewelry. a pair of bracelets to accompany her necklace, earrings that matched as if they'd all come in a set. "so, Sanaa, what do you think of your new stepdaddy?"
"and with that!" Miranda hit the enlarged red button to end the call. "no couth that one," she muttered, ignoring her daughter's cackling as she rolled on the bed, holding her stomach. "you're just like her!"
"she's not wrong."
"and how isn't she?"
Sanaa sat up. "he's not gonna replace Daddy, but isn't he going to be...kindalike my dad?"
Miranda felt her entire body tense up. "i have only been seeing Ben for three days."
"yeah, but you're seeing him differently."
"and what way is that?" she asked, wondering which direction this conversation was going to go.
"you're in love and now you both know it. andnot to mention,you're doing it."
Miranda scoffed and shook her head. "thin ice."
"what? we all heard y'all outside when we went to Benny's cousin's house for game night the other day." Sanaa tried to hide a smirk, but her eyebrows wiggled noticeably and her eyes twinkled.
this conversation had taken a turn and Miranda wanted out. the teen opened her mouth to speak. and never knowing what would come out, Miranda held up her hand. "extremelythin ice. like mickey and the beanstalk bean sandwich kind of thin."
Sanaa huffed and rose from the bed, bundling up. "i'm just saying." then her child thought for a moment. "if he asked to marry you, you'd say 'yes,' wouldn't you?"
the question hung in the air for a while, long after they'd left the room and the house and had gotten to the large barn holding brilliantly decorated christmas trees.
it had only been a few days so the topic of marriage had only come up once, playfully, in bed. but they were people of a certain age, so it would come up again. wouldn't it?
Ben met them there and spotting them, he walked over and hugged her mom and shook hands with her dad before casually slapping hands with Sanaa, shaking gently before they each touched their pointer finger to the other's. Miranda's heart warmed. she never had to worry about them, they were solid.
if he asked
when he slid his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple, she looked up at him. "remembered me, did you?"
"as if i could forget," Ben whispered in her ear, nipping at it.
she glanced around to see the reactions of her family and was glad to see that her parents had strolled off and her daughter had linked up with some of her friends. "i've missed you," Miranda told him with a slight pang in her chest at her bout of truthfulness. they'd only been apart one day but her entire being missed having him close.
"i've missed you, too, baby." he dropped his arm and enclosed her body in a hug before kissing her square on the mouth. his tongue twisted itself around hers as she enjoyed her first taste of the evening. "are you coming over tonight?"
she raised a brow and he emulated it before she shook her head. "you know i have to be there in the morning when Sanaa wakes up and to help with breakfast and everything."
"i know. i will have you back before then."
"how aboutyoucome over tonight?" she inquired, poking his chest with a grin. both of Ben's brows lifted. "not like that, nasty," she chided.
"i will be there."
"and, apparently, everyone heard us at game night," she said, getting flustered at the thought.
before he could respond, he was corralled by someone he knew and, after introducing Miranda, was pulled away to another group. "i'll catch up with you later, babe!" he told her with a laugh and a kiss.
wandering around by herself hadn't seemed ideal with her family in the vicinity, but the long maze-y rows of christmas trees and bright lights and obnoxious music and loud voices, incidentally, gave her time to think.
she could ask him what he wanted and though he wouldn't get it tomorrow, at least she'd be getting him something good. she checked her watch. the mall would be closing in one hour. she could get over there and get him some jewelry. a chain or a watch, maybe. perhaps a ring if she wanted to be bold.
her body shuddered at the thought. and then she remembered Sanaa's question. would she say yes? it was something she'd thought about, getting married again. and though sometimes she was staunchly against it, thoughts of Ben—herBen—often made her change her mind.
"Ma! mother!" Sanaa's giddy voice pulled her from her thoughts. she turned. "i've been calling you for like forever, chasing you through this maze." the two of them laughed. "are you okay?"
"yes," Miranda answered. "are you?"
"Ben just bought three tubs of the kettle corn that we like! and Grandpa put a bid on two of the christmas trees i wanted! i'm great!" she hugged her mother who returned the embrace.
this was her world.
Miranda held on a little longer than normal and, happily, Sanaa let her. when they pulled away, Miranda asked: "if he did ask...?"
"please say yes."
"is he going to ask?" Sanaa shrugged. "you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"
"maaaaybe."
"Sanaa Rose Bailey Jones!"
"Ma! okay! yes, if i knew; i'd ruin his surprise and all his hard work to tell you."
Miranda smiled satisfactorily. "that's all i'm asking." she waited for the reveal, but there was nothing and her heart drooped.
"nowcan we go eat the kettle corn?"
"um, y-you go, i need to go home. tell everyone that i'm taking a cab back to the house and i'll see them later at the church for christmas eve service."
"Ma?" Sanaa walked with her outside where cabs were waiting and hoping for fare. "i could come with you," she said as Miranda got into the warm car, greeting the driver and telling him her destination.
she rolled down the window allowing cold air in. "no, baby, you stay here. have fun with your grandparents and your friends and... Ben!"
her boyfriend was strolling up to the car. all he did was walk and it turned her on. he was gorgeous. "hey, Squish."
"hey, Benny," she mumbled, heading back into the festival of trees.
"what's going on, Miranda?"
"i have something i have to do at home. i'll see you later at the church, okay?"
she could see on his face that he wanted to object, but he simply gave an "okay" before leaning into the car, kissing her deeply. "is everything alright?"
"yes."
"Squish is good?"
"she's fine. so go on now, Benjamin. have fun!"
at home, Miranda sat on her bed and thought. they weren't linear and most weren't helpful, but she welcomed those distractions. anything to take her mind off of the fact that she had a great guy and no gift. not that he would truly care because all he wanted was her and had said as much, but she did and that mattered.
her last option was to scroll on pinterest and after clicking into and out of fifty-something ideas, she tossed her phone and it landed on her pen and journal. in an attempt to get her thoughts in order, she'd wanted to journal earlier in the day. that hadn't come to fruition, and as she flipped through the book, she saw that except for one entry right in the middle of their argument, she hadn't journaled in weeks.
Sanaa is on his side. of course she is. and Callie thinks we're being stupid. and she's not wrong. but no one ever pisses me off the way he does. he's such a jackbutt. that's why i'm not getting him anything for christmas. and he was so smug today in surgery. i couldn't stand it. stupid brown smile. always smiling. i wanted to slap it off his face. his stupid, beautiful face.
and
that's all that was there because, if she remembered correctly, her mom had called and their phone conversation had lasted a couple of hours.
overcome with romantic musings, Miranda picked up her pen and dated the paper. December 24th 10:30 PM.
when her phone rang, she looked up from her journal and saw that almost an hour had passed and so had two pages filled with her smooth, elegant handwriting.
"hello?"
"come outside," Ben said bypassing pleasantries.
she looked at the clock on her wall. "i said i'd meet you at the church."
"come outside or i'm coming in."
silence.
there were footsteps on the stairs and then he was standing in her open doorway, still on the phone. her body throbbed. no matter how much sex they had, her body always desired his. and now she couldn't help thinking that while they'd tagged her bedroom floor one afternoon with her daughter and parents out, they'd never had sex in her bed. "couldn't wait?"
"i knew you weren't coming out."
"you don't know me," she jested.
"that's just it, Miranda. i do know you." he took off his coat, walked over to her bed and sat down, his back to her a little. "something is wrong and you're not telling me." Ben spun to look at her fully. "i'm getting worried."
as stealthily as she could, she moved against the headboard and patted the space next to her. when he was shoeless next to her, Miranda picked up her journal. with it against her chest, she exhaled. no one had ever read her pure, unadulterated thoughts before and the idea of it made her queasy. she held it out for him, her thumb bookmarking her latest entry.
"you're sure?"
"as sure as i'll ever be."
he took it and glanced at her once before looking down.
December 24th 10:30 PM.
Ben,
you cannot even begin to imagine how much i love you. your support, love and friendship over these last years has made the unthinkable possible. i've never been more grateful to another person in all of my life. you treat my daughter and i with such respect that it took you a decade to tell me that you were in love with me. that was rude.
when Ben laughed, she smiled, loving the way it filled up her room.
i'm not sure who fell first, me or you. you.
"you," he replied softly.
"i knew you'd say that," Miranda whispered.
but i do know when i fell for you.
"you do not."
"keep reading."
a patient was being really nasty to me and you were walking by and you said... you told them that i wasn't taking anymore of their shit and to lay back down or get the hell out of the hospital. that's when i knew. i knew i needed you in my life forever.
"i got torn a new one for doing that, too."
Miranda nodded. "i remember."
that's the night we kissed for the first time. i still think about to it and get hot. i wanted so much more. when we fought earlier this month, it really hurt not being able to talk to you, especially about how much you pissed me off (*). it felt like the end of the world. but i was out of line and i apologize.
"what's the asterisk for?"
"i wrote something about it."
"can i read that, too?"
"no."
but i never stopped loving you. even for a moment. i hope that you didn't stop loving me either.
Ben looked up at her for the first time. "never."
she touched his chin. "good."
because we had an unspoken promise that you would be there for me no matter how mad i made you and i would be there for you even if i hated you. but i didn't hate you and i never could. i just loved you. i do love you. you make me so happy and when we kissed for the second time i knew i needed more. and the way you handle my body—i'm appreciative. and completely under your spell.i only want your hands, your mouth, your eyes on me.
her boyfriend paused and unfastened the top button of his shirt before continuing.
now, i didn't get you a gift. see the asterisk. you annoyed the shit out of me. but i do want to give you something that will more than make up for it. (look at me before you read the next part).
inhaling, Ben lifted his eyes from the notebook and caught hers. she gave a him a smile before wiping her eyes. he reached for her hand, holding it firmly. his eyes darted across the page finding his position.
Benjamin Warren, i don't care about anything else except wanting you as a husband and loving you and making the vow to be there for you at every turn.i promise you my heart, baby. i'm i want you to be mine. forever.
with more love than i can hold in my heart,
Miranda
when he finally finished, Miranda's leg was shaking slightly and her eyes were brimming with tears. she had no idea what his response would be.
"Miranda Bailey, did you... did you just... propose to me?"
using her sweater sleeve as a stand-in for tissue, she nodded. just in the last two weeks, she'd cut open someone and removed nearly every organ in sight and yet and still, this was the hardest thing she'd done in a long time."yes," she breathed.
"do i get a ring?"
the laugh was unexpected and she snorted at the tail-end of it. "of course, you get a ring. but...?"
"and you want to marry me?"
"don't you want to marry me?"
it was his turn to laugh. "of course, baby, i do." after a while, he said: "thank you for the gift."
the couple was quiet for a long time. she'd asked him to marry her—in so many words—and he was thinking about it. what had she done?
when Miranda got up to use the bathroom, Ben went outside, both lost in their own thoughts.
Sanaa texted and said they were on their way to the church and that traffic was backed up. Miranda responded that she'd let them know when she was close and walked out of her bathroom to relay the message to Ben when she looked down to see him on one knee holding out an impressively velvety box.
"oh my god!"
"merry christmas, baby," he said casually.
her heart fluttered. "merry christmas, my love."
"Miranda Bailey, nothing would make me happier than to call you my wife."
she didn't know when she'd started crying again. she swiped away some tears, trying to keep her vision clear. taking a deep breath was hard, but she managed though it clamored in her chest.
"but call me old-fashioned, i needed to be on one knee asking for your hand in marriage. i'd planned on proposing this morning with your family around. a family that i want to be a part of. but, of course, you had a different plan. and i don't say that begrudgingly. i love your plans. we don't getherewithout them."
thankfully, she was barefoot and could ground herself before she collapsed on wobbly knees at hisproposal.if he asked
ben kept going: "and i had this whole thing about wanting the rest of our lives to begin today. but what you said was so beautiful. like, i don't remember when i fell in love with you. i just know that i am."
"it was probably the first time you saw me," she joked.
he scratched the top of his head. "you're kidding, but it probably was." the room was silent now. she could hear time ticking away easily. Ben opened his mouth and she held her breath once again. "Miranda, i needed to tell you that i can't live without you, baby. that it's dramatic, but i hate going to sleep without you by my side and i absolutelyhatebreathing when you're not in the same room."
god, he was so silly! she found herself laughing through her tears. Ben joined in and he touched her hand and she could feel trembling. was that her? or was that him?
"i want to spend the rest of my life with you. i want to keep making you happy. i—"
now, Miranda was on her knees in front of him, kissing him through her sobs as he struggled to open the box the midst of kissing her back. "here, let me." she lifted the top. "woah!"
they didn't make it to church. they barely made it back to the bed as they made love for the first time in it, tearing her sheets from the mattress and flinging her pillows to the floor.
they were lying in bed, half-dressed and sweaty and unwilling to move from their cuddling position when they heard a car coming into the driveway. it took everything Miranda had to pull away from her fiancé. the word was quick and light on her tongue although...
"you know..." she said as she watched him slip back into his blue jeans, "you never accepted my proposal."
over his shoulder, Ben winked at her. "i never got a ring." she plucked up a pillow from the floor and threw it at him, purposely missing his head. "and, hey, you haven't accepted mine either." practically gliding, she made her way to him and held him from behind. he brought her hands to his lips before turning her. they were face-to-face now. his brown eyes captured her soul as he spoke. "my answer is yes," he told her steadily. "i will marry you, Miranda Bailey."
"good." lazily, she attempted to walk away from him and he gently pulled her back, staring at her. "okay, okay! yes! Benjamin Warren, i will marry you."
"WHAT?!" Sanaa screeched as the bedroom door flew open. her eyes began watering. "Ma? Benny?! what's going on?!" she looked at them. "please! i'm shaking! somebody say—oh my god! that'sone big ass engagement ring!"
"Sanaa!" Miranda said with a giggle as Ben cracked up with a "Squish!"
Elena and William were in the doorway moments later. "Buttercup, why are you screaming?" William asked.
the teen pointed to her mother's finger. "look!"
"oh my goodness! you could see it from space!" Elena squealed, rushing to her daughter. she picked up her hand examining the rock on her finger. "Benjamin Warren, did you propose to my daughter?"
still holding her right hand, Ben pointed to Miranda. "she proposed first!"
laughing loudly, William asked: "Mandy, you proposed?" she nodded proudly. "i'm impressed. congratulations, son!" he held out a hand for Ben to shake before hugging her. "i'm so happy for you, baby," he whispered in her ear. "and merry christmas!"
"it is averymerry and magical christmas indeed," Elena echoed, following suit with congratulations, hugs and kisses of her own. "i guess we can order something and get started on christmas dinner, Bill. no one's going to sleep tonight."
"guess so."
Miranda tightened her lip and smiled. she was so exhausted and wanted nothing more than to lay in her fiancé's arm and sleep, knowing that her daughter was safe and her parents were close. "sounds like a plan," she added, glancing down at her ring for a second.
her parents made their way out of the room and down the stairs.
Sanaa had been speechless for a full seven minutes. Miranda broke away from Ben and moved to her child whose head was down. "baby?" she lifted her daughter's chin and her heart tore at the tears streaming down the girl's face. "Sanaa, w-what's wrong?"
"n-nothing. i'm... i'm happy for you. and for you, Benny. i..."
"thanks, Squish."
"yeah, thank you, baby."
the three of them shared a long hug. Ben kissed the tops of their heads before dipping from the room. "Ma, is this a dream?"
"seems like it, doesn't it?" the girl nodded slowly. "but it's not. it's real."
"but it's only been a few days."
"it's been longer than that," Miranda admitted dreamily.
"and you really proposed to a man?"
"i did!" she groaned. "thatwon't happen again."
giggling with her daughter felt nice and Miranda was happier than she'd been in a long time. "can i tell people or is this a secret?"
"of course you can tell everyone... you're the maid of honor!"
"me?!"
Miranda placed her hands on either side of her daughter's face. "i want and need you by my side. are you up to the challenge?"
"hell yeah!" Sanaa screamed while doing a little dance.
squinting, Miranda licked her lips saying, "you getoneof those." she hugged her daughter, hoping that she hadn't rushed all of this and that the teen wasn't feeling left out. "want to open a gift or two?" now the nods were quick and she gripped her mother harder. "ah, merry christmas, baby."
"it is averymerry and magical christmas indeed!" Sanaa replied, mimicking her grandmother.
from several places in the house there was laughter and then Elena was calling out: "i heard that!"
later on, while several pots were going and the oven held a dish or two, and the rest of the world was probably waking up, Miranda couldn't manage to peel herself from a sleeping Ben who, every so often, would wake up, wake her up and kiss her passionately before they both drifted off to sleep. it was perfect. the next time he leaned over to pepper her chin with kisses, she was ready for him and he chuckled at her enthusiasm.
"you are one lucky man," she told him while hooking her arm beneath his.
"don't i know it?" he smiled and she kissed it. "
a knock to the door to her bedroom pulled them apart and William strolled in. "alright, lovebirds," he said before zeroing in on his daughter. "your mother says it's time to get up."
"no, i didn't," Elena called out from the bottom of the steps. "let them sleep."
he gave them a wink and smile. "well, me and Sanaa don't want to open up all the presents while you two lay in bed."
"we're coming, Daddy," Miranda said.
when the older man was gone, Ben climbed on top of Miranda, pinning her arms. "what are you doing, Benjamin?" she asked, enjoying his flicks to the side of her clothed breasts.
"you told him we're coming," he answered with a sly grin.
her laugh stretched across the room. "you're a joke! get off of me," she whisper-shouted, holding onto to him.
"later?"
"of course," she promised, kissing him. scrambling off the bed, she put on her robe and held out her left hand for him. "ready, babe?"
he took it, kissing her palm. "let's go, baby."