Rick held her eyes "Because you led me here"
Michonne took a deep breath and nodded "Okay. Okay….. let's go home"
Smiling, Rick tried again "We could stay out one more day…"
She shook her head "I need a shower and it would be nice to sleep on our own floor"
He leaned in for a kiss "Let's go home"
Rick stirred and reached for Michonne, coming fully awake when his hand landed on cool sheets. She was asleep when he finally got home after unloading the guns and supplies. He'd insisted she didn't need to help, and she'd insisted she did. He drove the van right up to the curb of their house and refused to move until she went inside. That was cheating, because he knew, once the kids came out to greet them, she would fold. She rolled the window down when Carl came out, but when Judith came running out and yelled (Mone!) the van door flew open and she was out in a flash, running to swoop her up.
He heard the creaking of the back porch swing as he came down the stairs. He found her stretched out with her legs up, wrapped in a blanket.
"Hey…. you okay?" Rick could see she had been crying
She lifted her legs so he could sit, resting them on his lap "I will be, just trying to clear my mind so I can sleep. Yesterday was…. hard"
He sighed, that damn deer "I'm sorry I scared you. That was careless…."
Michonne reached out to touch his face "Not careless, you tried because you care. Reckless would be more accurate, but sweet. I adore the sweet but can do without the reckless." Her voice caught and she looked away "It's just…."
Rick pulled her hand to his lips "What? I've never seen you drop your sword…."
She turned back to face him, tears streaming down her face. "I haven't felt like that since the day I lost Andre."
His heart sank "Oh Hun…. I'm so sorry. Come here Baby…" He pulled her into his lap, and she curled into his chest. Rick held her close, her sobs drowning out the creaking of the swing as they rocked.
Michonne closed her eyes, centering herself in the safety she only felt when she was with Rick. "We were just outside Atlanta, at a refugee camp. Our friend Terry went with Mike, Andre, and me – just trying to find somewhere safe. But it started to get bad…. suicides, fighting, stealing. Mike and I, we fought about staying there. He was really a such a gentle soul; he couldn't wrap his head around this new reality. He couldn't read people, and he hated killing walkers. But he would protect Andre, he'd had to many times by the time we settled in the camp."
"I was out on run, Mike and Terry stayed with Andre" Breathing deeply, she dried her tear-stained face with the blanket. Michonne fixed her eyes on the fence honoring those lost "The camp was in a shallow valley; I could see from the top of the trail …"
Fences are down!
"No no no…No!" Michonne pulled her sword and ran toward the camp.
Devastation. Bodies. Blood. It was over.
"Michonne!"
Terry was sitting on the ground, leaning against the brick building that housed the men's bathrooms. She ran to him, kneeling. "Terry!" He had bites on his face, neck, and arms. "Where are Mike and Andre?!"
His skin was ashen, the wounds looked several hours old "Red Cross Tent" he replied weakly
She sprang to her feet "I'll be back, just hold on – okay?"
Terry let out a sob "I'm so sorry, it happened so fast"
"I'll be back Terry, I promise"
Frantic, she raced toward the other side of the camp. Her heart dropped when she saw the tent shredded and the playground littered with bodies.
Mike was slumped against a tree near the tire swing.
Michonne knelt, he was still breathing but he had bites on both arms "Oh my God…Mike….Mike! Where's Andre?"
Mike stirred and opened his eyes, letting out a sob when he saw her face "Michi!"
Her voice shook "Mike, where's Andre?"
Sobbing, Mike reached for her "He's gone…. he's gone, I'm sorry Michi"
Suddenly lightheaded, Michonne stared at Mike. "Where? You're here, how can he be gone?" She couldn't breathe "Where is he?!"
Mike was broken, he looked down "I couldn't get to him…. I tried…. I tried"
Dizzy, she fell backward "Get to him?"
"He was here, playing with the other kids. Me and Terry, we were with Ray in the bathrooms…. everything is so fucked up Michi…every fucking minute of every fucking day…. Ray had some Bud, I just needed…." his voice caught, and tears flowed down his face "We heard the noise, looked out the windows, fences were already down and a herd was in. I tried to get out, but they blocked the doors, knocked me out when I fought. I don't know how long I was out; they were holding Terry down when I came to…. he was still fighting. I grabbed my knife, killed the guy at the door to get out. Camp was overrun…. I fought my way here. It was too late…. I was too late…."
Michonne's eyes glazed over as her mind denied reality "You left him?"
Mike nodded "He was on the tire swing; Irina was watching him…."
She slapped him and screamed "You left him? You don't leave him! We promised, one of us would always stay with him! We don't leave him!"
"I'm sorry Michi" he sobbed.
She scrambled to her feet and grabbed her sword. "Maybe he's hiding, I taught him to hide…." She stumbled towards the shredded tent
She slid off Rick's lap and leaned on his shoulder "I found one of his shoes in the tent, his foot was still in it. The pain was paralyzing, it suffocated my soul."
"My God…. Is that what you felt yesterday?" Rick asked, taking her hand
She nodded "I buried what I had left of him under his favorite tire swing. Then I sat on that tire swing while my sanity slipped away. The pain was all I had left, I wanted to die. But I felt like I deserved to suffer, and I wanted Mike and Terry to suffer too. So, I figured out how to stay alive even though I was dead inside."
Rick pulled her hand to his lips "I'm so sorry that happened to Andre, and for what you went through."
Michonne touched the gold M around her neck and smiled softly "I still think about him every day. He gave me this for Mother's Day, before it started. I said, "Is this M for Michonne?" And he put his little hand on my face and said "No silly, its for your name, M is for Mama"
He squeezed her hand "Sounds smart like his Mama. Do you still talk to him?"
"I've tried, but I've never been able to do that…talk to him" she inhaled deeply, tears welling "The last time I held him…. talked to him, was on that tire swing before I left on that run. The same one he's buried under; the same one I lost my mind on. I wish I could…."
"It can be healing. You know I used to talk to Lori" Rick reminded her gently "you said you used to talk to Mike. What would you tell Andre if you could?"
She thought for a moment, closing her eyes to picture Andre's face "I would tell him how much I love him…. that I miss him every day….and that I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect him…. that I'm with family, and I'm okay now…"
"You should try again" he said softly, pressing his lips to forehead "for both of you"
"I know, maybe I will the next time I come across a tire swing." She turned to face him "I want you to know I heard what you said in the van yesterday. I don't want to think about losing you, but I want you to know I'd survive. I'd take care of Carl and Judith and do everything I can to protect Alexandria."
He reached out to wipe the tears from her cheeks "I know you will. But let's fight like hell to make sure We're the Ones Who Live."
Two days later…
Michonne tugged at Rick's hand "The armory is the other way"
"I know" he replied, leading her along the back of the houses
"Where are we going?" She asked, confused "We need finish with the guns so we can get them to the heaps. We're supposed to leave this afternoon"
"Change of plans, we're not leaving today" Rick turned his head to catch her eye, assuring her "Few more days. It'll be okay"
She held his gaze "Rick…..what are you up to?"
"You trust me?" He asked
Michonne smiled softly "With my life."
He matched her smile "Alright then, c'mon. Carl helped me, took us a day to find the right spot and then a day to get it set up."
As they reached the end of the block, Rick turned to face Michonne "This is here for you when you're ready for it. Doesn't have to be today, doesn't have to be tomorrow."
Nervous, Michonne looked around "Rick, I don't understand…. what's going on?"
He cupped her face "I wanted you to have a place where you could maybe talk to Andre, someplace that honored his memory."
He placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her down a path to a small park like area.
Michonne stopped at the edge of the grass, her hand flew to her chest "You did this? For me?"
Rick gently nudged her forward "Me and Carl, he helped me hang the tire and he carved the heart with Andre's initials into the tree"
Michonne gave the tire swing a gentle push and Andre's laugh rang in her ears. Through flowing tears, she saw Carl's carving in the tree – AA for Andre Anthony inside a heart.
She turned, unsteady on her feet. Rick was there, wrapping her in his arms.
"Thank you" She whispered when she found her voice
He held her close "You don't have to thank me. Ever. I'm gonna give you some space, but I'll be nearby if you need me"
As Rick left the clearing, Michonne moved toward the swing. She gripped the chains, and slowly lowered herself onto the tire. Closing her eyes, she let happy memories wash over her. Pushing Andre on the swing, his wild giggles! Andre on her lap, facing her, swinging and giggling together. She could see his face so clearly!
Opening her eyes, she looked toward the sky "Hey Peanut, it's Mama….."