Chapter 5

It was Friday afternoon, and Erin Lindsay was pacing back and forth in her living room, holding up clothes in front of her, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

What the hell am I doing?

She'd barely been able to focus all day, and now that the time was finally approaching, the nerves were starting to kick in. A few days had passed since Jay had texted her about the interview, and though the conversation had been brief,she was still so surprised when he texted her first.

Then..she had asked him to meet up—she had put herself out there, and now she couldn't help but wonder if that had been a mistake.

It's just coffee, she reminded herself. No big deal.

But as she tossed another shirt onto her bed, she couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than just a casual coffee date. She'd gone over every little thing in her head a hundred times—replaying their brief but meaningful text exchanges, wondering if she'd said the wrong thing, or if she was reading too much into it. She had been nervous the moment she hit send on that message, but now, as the time to meet drew near, the uncertainty hit her like a tidal wave. She really asked a NFL star for coffee. And she was straightforward while doing it,just now she was facing the terrible consequences of her reckless action.

"Kim, what the hell do I wear?" Erin asked, frustration lacing her voice as she threw her hands up, looking helplessly at the small mountain of clothes in front of her. Kim had been there through every wardrobe crisis before, and this one felt just as high stakes.

Kim, lounging on the couch with her tea, didn't even flinch. She just eyed Erin over the rim of her mug. "You're really overthinking this, huh?"

"Me? Overthinking? Never." Erin grimaced, holding up a fitted sweater that wasn't too casual but not too dressy. It was just… boring.

Kim rolled her eyes. "You do realize you're the one who asked him out for coffee, right?"

"I know," Erin replied, sighing dramatically. "But what if I make a fool of myself? What if I look desperate? Or like I'm trying too hard?"

Kim snorted. "You're overthinking again. Look, if you want my advice, just wear something that says, 'I'm cute, but I'm not pretending I'm not interested.'"

Erin shot her a look. "That's a very specific line you're asking me to walk."

"Yeah, well, you asked for it. You're acting like you're going on some blind date with a guy you don't know. You've known Jay for a while now. Relax. You're not trying to impress him, you're just meeting for coffee," Kim said, shrugging, unfazed by Erin's obvious nervous energy.

Erin paced over to her closet again, her fingers running over the hangers. "I know. It's just… I asked him out. I'm the one who pushed for this, and now I'm wondering if it was too much.."

Kim raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the couch. "Oh please, if anything, he's probably just as nervous as you are. And look, if you really want to go all out"—Kim stood up and pulled out a sleek, fitted blouse, the deep green fabric taking out the green of Erin's hazel eyes—"then wear something that makes you feel a little more confident. A little fancy, but still laid-back."

Erin stared at the blouse, then back at Kim, an idea dawning. "You really think it's not too much?"

Kim grinned. "Trust me. You look hot when you're not trying."

With a reluctant nod, Erin accepted the blouse and pulled it on. The soft, silky material fit just right, and she paired it with black jeans that were form-fitting but still comfortable. She added her favorite boots—stylish, but not too much. Her hair fell in loose waves, and she kept her makeup minimal but enough to make her feel like she wasn't just rolling out of bed.

She glanced at herself in the mirror. Okay, this feels right.

Kim gave her a thumbs-up. "There you go. Now you look like you, but with a little extra something."

Erin took a deep breath and turned toward her best friend. "You're right. I'm just going to go, and whatever happens happens."

Kim smiled knowingly, setting her tea down. "And remember—just be yourself."

Erin gave her a small, nervous smile. She couldn't help but feel the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "Thanks, Kim. Let's hope I don't embarrass myself."

"Go, before you talk yourself out of it," Kim said, giving her a playful shove toward the door.

With one last glance in the mirror, Erin grabbed her keys, stepping out of her apartment with a feeling of anticipation hanging thick in the air. She wasn't sure where this coffee meet-up with Jay would lead, but there was no turning back now.

He had agreed to meet up. It was simple. Coffee. That was it. Yet the small flicker of unease he couldn't shake told him it wasn't as simple as he was trying to make it out to be.

His reflection in the microwave glass caught his eye as he took another sip of his coffee. The guy staring back at him? Cool, calm, collected. No problem. But inside? It was a whole different story.

Just coffee, man. Just coffee.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at the clock. He still had time, but for some reason, he couldn't help but feel like this moment was important. Maybe it was just the fact that Erin was the one who asked. He never thought that would happen. He'd gotten used to being the one who made the move, who took charge.

It was weird, feeling like he had no control over what was about to happen. And damn, he hated feeling that way.

Jay tossed his phone on the counter, staring at it for a few beats before grabbing a clean henley. He wasn't going to overthink this. But as he pulled the shirt over his head, he couldn't help but think back to Erin's text, how lighthearted it had felt. Yet, the way she had phrased it—I know a place this time ;)—it had a hint of confidence that threw him off. Was she expecting something from him? Should he be more… forward?

Jay closed his eyes, shaking the thoughts out of his head. Nope. Just coffee.

He grabbed his keys, slid them into his pocket, and left his apartment. No time to change his mind now. His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he didn't check it. Maybe he was avoiding the inevitable urge to overanalyze whatever Erin might have sent. What was it? Just the usual friendly exchange? Or maybe something else?

As he stepped into the elevator, he straightened his jacket, trying to look casual, but the familiar feeling of being slightly out of his depth tugged at him. He didn't usually let things like this get under his skin, but something about Erin was… different. She didn't play by the usual rules. She didn't make him feel like he had to be anything other than himself.

That thought alone was unsettling enough to make him run his hand through his hair for the third time that morning.

Jay checked the time. He was cutting it close, but not by much. The coffee shop wasn't far, and he was pretty sure he could make it without looking like he was rushing. He pushed through the door, scanning the room quickly—but Erin wasn't there.

No surprise, he reminded himself. He wasn't exactly early either. Jay decided to grab a seat near the window, taking in the afternoon sunlight. He was really glad that the place Erin chose was quiet,in a calm corner,just like the four people with their computers in and a few on the outside tables.

His mind wandered as he checked his phone. No message from Erin yet, so he tried to focus on something—anything—other than her.

Just as his worry started to spike, his phone buzzed—one new message.

Sorry I'm late, couldn't find parking. I'll be there in 5 minutes!

Jay couldn't help but grin, leaning back in his chair. Of course, parking. Classic.

He typed a quick reply, Take your time. I'll be here.

He put his phone down again, a little lighter now. The tension from earlier began to ease, and he relaxed into the seat, watching people come and go.

The coffee shop was buzzing with the usual afternoon crowd, but for some reason, Jay couldn't keep his eyes off the door. He'd said it was just coffee, but now that she was on her way… he wasn't so sure anymore.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door swung open. Erin stepped inside, looking around for a moment before her eyes landed on him.

Jay's breath caught in his chest. She was… stunning. She'd clearly put thought into what she wore, but there was nothing forced about it. The soft green blouse hugged her in all the right places, and the way her hair fell in those perfect waves made his mind go momentarily blank. He hadn't expected to be so affected.

Erin spotted him and smiled, a nervous but genuine expression that made Jay's chest tighten in a way he couldn't explain. She walked over to him, her steps measured but light.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft but warm. She slid into the seat across from him, setting her bag down with a little more care than necessary.

"Hey," Jay replied, the word coming out a little breathier than he meant. He cleared his throat, trying to play it cool. "You're not late, don't worry. I was just getting comfortable."

Erin chuckled, a soft, self-deprecating sound. "I hate being late," she admitted. "But parking was a nightmare."

"Classic," Jay said with a grin, leaning back in his chair. "I was starting to think you were ghosting me."

Her eyes flickered with amusement, though there was a hint of something else there, something a little more vulnerable. "I almost did," she teased, but the words sounded more playful than defensive.

They both paused for a second, unsure of how to transition from their casual banter into whatever this meeting was supposed to be. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, just… strange, like they were both walking on the edge of something they couldn't quite name.

Jay leaned forward slightly, the urge to speak bubbling up in him despite the small voice in his head telling him to slow down. "So, I, uh—" He cleared his throat again. "I liked your interview. You seemed… really comfortable with everything."

Erin blinked, a little surprised at the compliment, but her smile softened. "Really? Thanks. I was nervous. You know, it's weird, being asked all those questions about your life. I think you know the feeling."

Jay laughed softly. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I mean, playing football's one thing, but when people want to know everything about you, it gets… weird."

Erin nodded, her fingers tapping lightly on the wooden table. "Exactly. It's like you give so much of yourself, but then they just want more."

Jay shrugged, a bit of an easy smile on his face. "Yeah, it's like there's always something people want, but you can't just hand it to them. Not everything's up for grabs."

Erin smiled at that, a small, knowing smile. "True."

"Black Coffee.Maybe with almond milk?" Erin asked, serious, like she just had asked the question of the century.

Jay chuckled confused at her behaviour, "What?"

"Trying to guess your coffee order.Did I get it ?"

Jay raised an eyebrow, amused. "Oh, now you're guessing my coffee order? Seriously?"

Erin nodded, her eyes glinting with mischief. "I'm just trying to figure you out. I bet you're one of those guys who orders a soy latte, aren't you?"

Jay chuckled, shaking his head. "Not even close. But nice try."

Erin leaned forward, curious. "Alright, then. What is it?"

Jay smirked. "A regular black coffee. No fancy stuff."

Erin grinned. "Classic. I should've known."

Jay gave a half-shrug, looking pleased. "What can I say? I like to keep it simple."

Erin shook her head, still smiling. "I was so sure you'd be the type to go all healthy with your coffee. Guess I'm not as good at this as I thought."

Jay laughed, clearly enjoying the moment. "Maybe you should stick to books. Coffee's harder than you think."

Erin rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair. "Well,Mr.Football, try to guess mine."

Jay raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Oh, now it's my turn?" he asked, leaning forward slightly, the playful glint in his eyes unmistakable. "Alright, let's see… You seem like a cappuccino kind of person. Something with a little foam, a little flair."

Erin leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest with a smirk. "Hmm, interesting guess," she said slowly. "But not quite. I'm all about a good old-fashioned caramel macchiato. Sweet, but not too sweet."

Jay's face lit up with a grin. "Of course, you are. The kind of coffee that's basically dessert in a cup."

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," Erin teased, her voice light and playful. "It's the perfect balance of indulgence."

Jay chuckled, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "I'll stick to my black coffee, thanks."

Erin shook her head as she stood up, "Not today,well..I'll order for you so..wait here!"

Before Jay could even try to protest, Erin made her way toward the counter. He watched her as she moved through the café, her confidence radiating with each step.

A few minutes later, she returned with two cups in hand and two pastries, her smile a mix of triumph and excitement. She slid one of the cups in front of him, the steam rising from the top. "I took the liberty of picking for you," Erin said, a twinkle in her eyes. "You're welcome."

Jay looked at the cup, his curiosity piqued. "Alright, what's this?"

"This," Erin says pointing to the cup,"It's your new favourite coffee and this," she continued pointed to the pastry, "It's the best cinnamon roll you ever had."

Jay eyed her not convinced, but he took a sip, his eyes lighting up in genuine surprise. "Wow. That's… really good," he admitted, the edge of skepticism gone from his voice.

"Knew you you'd be into almond milk.That's an Almond-milk flat white, but I kept a dark coffee so you wouldn't miss your normal boring order."

"Well..I can say I am impressed."

Erin leaned back in her seat, a playful glint in her eyes. "I told you I had taste. And," she said, nudging the cinnamon roll toward him even more, "this is the best part. Go ahead. Take a bite."

Jay hesitated for a moment, still savoring the coffee, before reaching for the pastry. He broke off a piece, taking a bite, and immediately let out a low hum of approval. "Alright, now this is dangerous," he said with a grin. "I might just start coming here for breakfast every day."

Erin's eyes lit up with victory. "Told you so." Then her face laced with curiosity, "Oh I've been meaning to ask you,did you talk to Adam,did Wendy like the signed book?"

Jay swallowed the last bite of his pastry before leaning back in his chair, the casual warmth of their conversation easing any lingering tension. He glanced at her, a playful glint in his eyes. "Yeah, I talked to Adam. He said Wendy loved the signed book. I think it's safe to say you made him earn some serious fiancée points."

"Glad I could help.So," She continued,moving a strand of her hair behind her ear, "No big plays these weeks?"

He shook hee head,"Nope.Three weeks off before we start the training for the playoffs.That's gonna be crazy."

Erin raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Three weeks off? Must feel nice to have a little break before the chaos hits again."

Jay leaned back, crossing his arms. "It's definitely a relief, but for me—rest doesn't last long. I'll probably find something to keep me busy."

Erin smirked, tapping her fingers on the table. "I'm sure. You're probably the type who can't sit still for long, huh?"

Jay gave her a knowing grin. "Guilty as charged. But I've been trying to take it easy, maybe catch up on some stuff I've been putting off. Maybe even do some… thinking."

Her eyes twinkled with curiosity. "Thinking, huh? About what?"

Jay hesitated for a moment, his usual confident demeanor softening just slightly. "About the future. What comes after football, you know?" He paused, as if considering whether to share more. "It's weird to think about. Everything's been so focused on the game for so long, and now… I'm not sure what comes next."

Erin nodded thoughtfully, understanding the weight behind his words. "Yeah, I get it. It's hard to picture life after something that's been your whole world for so long. But you've got time. You'll figure it out."

Jay gave her a small, appreciative smile. "I hope so. I guess I'll just take it one step at a time."

The moment lingered between them, a quiet understanding passing in the air, before Erin's playful smile returned. "Well, when you're ready to try something new, you know where to find me."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What are you offering?"

She grinned, leaning in a little closer. "Maybe some writing tips or, you know, a recommendation for where to get the best cinnamon roll in the city."

Jay chuckled, feeling the tension ease away as their playful banter picked up again. "I think I can handle that. But I'm gonna need a lot more of these before I'm convinced it's the best in the city."

Jay pulled open the café door, holding it for Erin as they stepped out into the afternoon air. The sunlight slanted across the street, casting long shadows, and the hum of the city seemed a bit quieter after the warmth of the café. They walked side by side, the comfort of their earlier conversation still lingering, but now there was a quietness, like something unsaid hung between them.

"Seriously though," Jay said, breaking the silence, his voice light but with a playful edge. "You paid for all that?"

Erin glanced over at him, grinning as she clenched tighter onto her black jacket. "It's two pastries and two coffees. What's the big deal?"

Jay was about to respond,when Erin interrupted him, "Plus,I made you try something new,I took the risk so it was on me."

Jay chuckled softly, but the sound felt hollow. He knew he should make a joke, keep the mood light, but the words felt heavy on his tongue. It wasn't just the pastries or the coffee—it was everything else. Everything he wanted and knew he shouldn't want.

He had always been so good at keeping things simple, keeping his distance. Relationships had never worked out for him.

And Erin—Erin was… different. She was kind, sweet, so easy to talk to. Too easy. And it terrified him.

She didn't deserve the inevitable disappointment, the pain that would come from a relationship with him. He could already see how things would unfold: He'd push her away, he'd make it hard, and she'd end up hurt.

And she didn't deserve that,not at all.

But there was a part of him that wanted more. A part of him that couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to spend more time with her,to make her know everything about him just like he wanted to know everything about her. But how could he drag her into the mess that was his life?

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to shake off the feeling gnawing at him.

"You said it yourself,you took the risk," he said, trying to push the thoughts away,even if even Erin might have heard his brain racking. "So… next time, I'll buy."

Erin smiled, but there was a quiet pause before she spoke again. "Alright, Jay. I'll hold you to that."

They stood there for a moment, and Jay could feel his heart beating harder in his chest.

There was something about Erin that made him want to open up, to let her in. But he couldn't. Not when he knew what would come next. Not when he knew how this would end. He wasn't the guy who could give her the fairytale. He was the guy who walked away when things got too real.

She opened her car door, and Jay stayed rooted to the spot, torn between wanting to leave and wanting to stay, to say something more but not knowing how.

"Thanks for today," Erin said, her voice soft, almost vulnerable. "I really enjoyed it."

Jay smiled at her, but it was a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, me too,I'll text you" he said quietly. The words hung in the air between them, thick with the things left unsaid.

Erin gave him a small nod, and there was a flicker in her eyes, a hesitation, as if she sensed the shift in the air, but she didn't comment on it. She just smiled, a little softer now. "Take care, Jay."

Jay watched as she got into her car, his chest tight, his heart heavy. He wanted to say something, anything, to make her understand. To make her know that he didn't want to walk away, that he wanted more. But he couldn't.

He stood there as her car pulled away, his hands in his pockets, and watched her disappear down the street. Every part of him wanted to run after her, wanted to stop her, but instead, he stayed rooted to the spot. The ache in his chest felt almost suffocating.

It was his second time seeing this girl and it definitely was enough to make him understand that Jay Halstead didn't deserve Erin Lindsay.

She was too perfect, too kind, too good for him. And no matter how much he wanted more, he knew he couldn't drag her into his world. Not when he couldn't promise her anything.

And so, he stood there, alone in the fading sunlight, torn between what he wanted and what he knew was inevitable.

And as the sound of her car faded away, all he could think was that this moment—this perfect, simple moment—was as close as he could get.

Erin walked into the apartment, the familiar hum of the city just outside her windows still buzzing in her ears. The door clicked shut behind her, and she stood in the hallway for a moment, letting out a quiet sigh. It want well.Till something felt off. Did she do something wrong? Too affectionate? Too sarcastic?

God.She thought she could have been herself.

Her boots clicked softly on the hardwood floor as she made her way into the living room, her gaze sweeping over the space. It was a cozy, almost comforting mess, full of half-empty coffee cups, stacks of books, and scattered notes. She'd been writing on and off all day, but even the words she'd put down felt… distant, like she was struggling to capture something that she couldn't quite define.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, pulling her from her thoughts. She pulled it out, not surprised to see it was a message from Kim.

Had fun today?

Erin smiled faintly, leaning against the couch as she typed back.

Yeah, it was nice. Good company.

She paused, biting her lip. She didn't want to overthink it, but her mind kept drifting back to Jay. There was something about him—something in the way he smiled, the way he let his guard down just enough to make her feel like she could, too. The way they'd talked about nothing and everything all at once. But the truth was, she didn't know him well enough to know what any of it meant.

Her phone buzzed again, Kim's next message popping up.

Yeah but, spill. What's the deal with Mr. NFL over there?

Erin laughed quietly to herself, shaking her head as she typed back.

No deal. Just coffee.

She stared at the message for a moment longer, then deleted the last part. She didn't want to admit to herself how much more it felt like, even if she couldn't quite explain why.

She tossed her phone onto the couch and headed toward her bedroom , needing something to do. Fortunately the pile of clothes she had left onto her desk was quite a distraction for the next hour or so.

But then after also that boring task was done,she found herself in the kitchen,contemplating what kind of frozen food she could treat her self with tonight.

Maybe a glass of wine would help her unwind, clear the mental fog that had settled over her since she'd left Jay at the café. But as she pulled open the wine fridge and reached for a bottle, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she hadn't fully processed yet.

Jay Halstead had turned a simple coffee meet-up into something more, something that left her wondering whether it was something worth exploring or something best left untouched.

But then again, Erin was kinda one to shy away from uncertainty. To like steady,easy,secure and uncomplicated things.And this—this feeling between them—might just be one of the most uncertain and frustrating things she'd felt in a long time.

As she poured herself a glass, she leaned against the counter, her mind once again drifting to the quiet, lingering thought that had been nagging at her all afternoon.

Maybe she was ready to take that risk.

The thing's that, she kinda felt like Jay wasn't.