The lights were whirling and flashing and crashing and banging and slamming and flickering. He was practically vibrating with all that energy around him.

He should know what was going on.

He needed to know what was going on.

But there was only the lights and sounds and constant motion. That wasn't going to help anything!

He heard his name being called. He felt himself being shook. Shaken?

He raised his arms and shoved away at the thing shaking him and started shouting. "Why are you doing this!? Stop, stop, STOP!" He smacked at the body in front of him.

"You're screaming. When you stop, I will."

"YOU! YOU! Do you hafta ruin everything?" He used his pillow as a weapon.

Another voice laughed, and other hands took the pillow away from him, and got between them. "I really thought we were past me having to get between the two of you."

Jeremy burst into tears and leaned into Jason. Burying his face in his brother's shoulder, the lights subsided and the sounds turned into only his sobbing.

"I didn't do anything wrong," Josh defended himself. "He was screaming. I was trying to make him stop, that's all."

Jason replied to Josh, something soothing, and Josh moved away.

"You're s-so s-stupid." Jeremy wiped his nose with his sleeve, but at least he'd stopped crying.

Jason wiped his eyes and face with a damp cloth. "Was it your old nightmare?" he asked gently.

Jeremy sighed. "I d-don't know. It was the w-wind and l-lightning, and I was scared. I d-didn't w-want to s-see it, an' I was trying to - to not have it. I c-closed my eyes, an' – and I w-wouldn't l-look, but it was all l-lights and n-noises, and I m-made it NOT be l-lightning and th-thunder. Dunno how I c-could see it without l-looking, but I did. An' th-then ev'thing was s-sp-pinnin', an' that b-big d-dummy –" he glared at Joshua – "was shaking m-me an' an m-making the lights go round 'n' round, 'n' f-faster 'n' f-faster and why c-can't he just LEAVE ME ALONE?"

"Well, I like that," Josh said, but stopped talking at Jason's look.

"You want us to leave you alone when you're upset or frightened?"

"Yes– NO! I d-don't know. Ooh!" Jeremy slumped against Jason.

Josh handed Jason a basin, which Jeremy promptly needed.

Jason washed his face and tucked him back into bed while Josh took the basin outside.

"S-sorry." Jeremy mumbled.

"We'll talk about it later. Do you want a drink of water?"

Jeremy started to shake his head, and abruptly stopped. "No."

Jason gave him one anyway, and Jeremy used it to rinse his mouth out before settling under the covers. He sat with the boy until he went to sleep.

"Is he okay?" Josh asked.

"For now. You'd better go ahead and try to get some sleep."

"What are you going to do?"

"Pull up a chair and sit beside him. With a bucket at the ready, although I doubt we'll need it." Jason was matching action to his words, and was soon stretched out comfortably (enough) with his feet at the foot of his brother's bed and the chair alongside.

"Hope not. Hope you get some sleep, too."

"Mmm."

O987

"We should have expected something like this," Jason was saying. "I guess it's Jeremy's turn."

"Something like what?" Josh asked. "His turn for what?"

"Growing up. We've all faced changes in how we relate, you and I especially. I get to stop being bossy, and you get to quit being bossed. And you know that that has to affect Jeremy in some manner. Because it's the three of us, and has been since Mom – left us."
"I suppose." Josh sounded doubtful.

"This winter you learned to stand up for yourself; to go ahead and do things for yourself, and he's trying to do the same. Not quite as publicly as you did, or as obnoxiously, but he is a bit younger. ."

Josh laughed at that word. "He hasn't had reason to. Yet."

"He did, however, speak and act against injustice. For you or me, that would be no big deal, but for him it was – quite a step."

"Yes, and he didn't fuss about the – results? Consequences? He made me feel proud of him."

"One way or another, this has been a winter of growth for us all, and it's not quite over yet."

"We probably won't forget it, that's for sure."

"Boys into men," Jason mused. "Separate but together, but no sum yet."

"After dinner comes the reckoning," Josh said, sepulchrally, adding conversationally, "I heard that somewhere."

Jason laughed, then asked if the coffee was ready yet.

Jeremy listened, but remained silent when he got up. He wished he could remember from last night – he wasn't sure what they were talking about. He had a little headache and he didn't feel real good. That usually meant something.

After drinking coffee and eating his breakfast, Jeremy looked up. "Wh-what happent?"

"You had a nightmare. You became very angry when Josh woke you up."

"I did?"

"Mm-hmm. I got between the two of you and calmed things both went back to sleep."

Jeremy thought that over. Jason left out a lot of the details, he thought.

Josh refilled the coffee cups and gathered up the dishes.

"Why is it after d-dinner?"

"What?"

"J-josh said after d-dinner."

"He did?" Jason glanced at Josh. who shrugged.

"I understood a lil b-bit. When you said no sum yet, an' then J-josh said the reckoning, an' I know that means when you add things up to get the sum, but why is it after dinner?"

Jason shook his head, and Josh laughed. "Don't you remember? Da used to say that when Mama had complaints about us. He'd say he'd take care of it after dinner, just like the old saying."

"Oh, that," Jason said. "Yeah, we knew we were in for it then. Usually me."

"Well, you were the troublemaker. About Jeremy's age now, weren't you?"

Jason laughed. "Something like that. Do you understand, little one?"

Jeremy scowled. "No. Little one is t-too l-little to remember. But if you mean me, since I'm not l-little, then I understand b-betterer than I did. But I don't remember ever hearing that."

"It's a fancy way of saying you have to live with the result of your actions, so take responsibility."

"Th-think before you d-do?"

"Yes."

"I'm not little."

"You're littler than we are," Josh pointed out, and laughed when Jeremy glared at him.

"I apologize," Jason said easily. "Okay?"

Jeremy nodded.

"Thank you."

Josh snorted. Although it was nice when Jason talked to him, formally, but to Jeremy? – really?

9874

"Did I remember anything?" Jeremy asked as they finished supper.

"It's your turn to clean up," Josh answered, gathering plates. "Did you remember that?"

"I t-tried not to." Jeremy grinned.

Josh bonked him on the head with a plate.

Jason laughed. "After clean-up, Jeremy. Hop to it."

Jeremy sighed and got to his feet, to meticulously see to his chores. It wasn't going to be his fault if anything wasn't done right!

Of course, his brothers did their share, too, which meant he was the last one done, because they did them normally, instead of extra careful.

But he finally finished, and they discussed the overnight event.

"I hope that isn't going to make you have it again tonight," Josh teased. "Two nights of fights doesn't sound like fun."

Jeremy nodded, but his brothers could tell he had something to say, and they waited.

"If I d-do, don't w-wake me."
"What are we supposed to do when you scream? Just listen?"

Jeremy frowned, and shrugged. "G-go outside."

"Like I'm going to run outside and leave you screaming!"

Jason interrupted them. "Why?"

"B-because I can remember b-better when it ends by itself. The f-first time was when you were b-both in Sam Francisco. And then when I was g-going to school and you two were staying up here."

"Hmm. Good observation. So what kinds of things have you remembered from your dreams?"

"The m-monster said 'do as you're told' and somethin' b-bout fisking it so I c-couldn't do this again, I think. Wanting Mama and remembering she wasn't coming, but you weren't either, and I d-didn't understand – It said you were done and gone. 'Less you did some word I can't think of about like a g-good d-dutiful son should do or be or something. And always lights and noise and being hurt and scared." Jeremy stopped a moment, frowning. "And a tree."

"Of course there's a tree," Josh joshed. "With you, there is always a tree."

"I was hiding in it, and that's where the m-monster c-caught me, trying to hide under the tree. An' something ab-bout a beaver." Jeremy sighed, suddenly tired.

"How do you hide under a tree, you nut?"

"The roots," Jason replied. "You should know that. How many times did we have to dig him out? He could get so far up under them because he was so small. And we weren't."

"Oh, yeah, I guess. I mostly remember him diving into animal dens and having to pull him out. Still don't know what that was about. Guess he just wanted to see how the animals lived."

Jeremy looked away from his brothers. He didn't want to talk about that. He remembered. He'd been a really dumb kid then, looking for his mother. They had put her in the ground and the animals had roads in the underground and he wanted to be sure she wasn't getting lost in the tunnels while she was looking for him, because he had been sure she was. That was before they had moved to town, though.

Jason was watching the changes on the younger boy's face, and could guess at what he was feeling, but not what he was thinking. Other than something about their mother. They each had their own expression when those thoughts came to mind.

Josh's eyes met Jason's, and they knew they were thinking the same thing.

Jason shook his head.

Josh nodded.

Jeremy shook his head vigorously. "That's all I can remember right now. And I don't wanna talk anymore."

"Thank you for telling us, and you don't have to." Jason propped his feet up on an empty chair and leaned against the back of the one he was sitting in, and picked up a handy book, opened it, and started reading silently.

He still kept an eye on his youngest brother.

"You wanna make some music?" Josh asked.

Jeremy shook his head. "But you can. I l-like to listen." Jeremy made himself comfortable in the big chair.

"Thanks."

/

Jeremy woke in the morning, still in the big chair, with a blanket thrown over him. He pulled the edge of the blanket up to his face, and smiled. That made him happy; his brothers had not treated him like a baby. They hadn't picked him up and carried him around and tucked him into bed like a – like a dumb kid. At least, that was what he thought it was.

"You're right, that's exactly what it was," Jason said, once again reading the expressions on the face he knew so well. "We thought about it and I decided you wouldn't want us to treat you like our baby brother. So, if you spend the day with a stiff neck and a sore back – or a stiff back and a sore neck – . Welcome to adulthood, little brother. Want some breakfast?"

"Uh-huh." Jeremy stood up, and half-laughed. "I don't even have to get dressed first, since I never got undressed."

"Cheater," Josh teased, from the stove. "You sure know when to wake up. After the food is done and all the work of cooking."

"I'll do the d-dishes for ya."

"Generous of you. I won't say no." Josh put a plate before his brother, filled all the coffee cups, and sat down to his own plate.