AN: Earworm I had to get rid of. This is an AU of an AU. How it almost went down.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

OKG: What Could Have Been

S1E8: "Queen Bee"

The party at Beelzebub's Mansion was hopping. Demons were drunk, Hounds were high, everyone there was having a good fucking time. Everyone.

Except me. Loona sighed as she lowered her phone and stepped out of the building with a frown. Blitzø was going to be a hot minute, he was two Rings away. She could take a minute to smoke. She dug around in her purse and growled in frustration. "No, come on, I know I grabbed a pack. Dammit!"

"Oof, sounds like you're having a ruff night." Chuckled one of the other smokers on the porch. "Need to bum a butt?"

"Listen, I'm not interested ass...hole." Loona trailed off as she turned to look at the speaker. Blue eyes glistened with amusement as he stared at her.

"Heh, you got a bark. Respect. Here," A pack of her preferred brand was pulled from his pocket and a single stick extended out. She looked down at it, then back to his eyes, then back down and back again. He wagged his hand. "C'mon, this one's on the house. Next one will cost you an arm and a leg."

"...N...Not interested." She mumbled, even as she took the cigarette.

"I didn't say it had to be yours!" He grinned and twirled the cigarette pack around his taped up hand, and a lighter took its place. Was that, like, actual magic? She didn't know hellhounds could learn that.."Here, light it up."

"...Oh. Uh, thanks?" She took the lighter and used it. Ahh, sweet tobacco-y relief.

"Don't mention it." He went back to his smoke and hopped onto the railing, turned and reclined against the building, nodding his head to the beat that echoed inside. She took a drag as she tried to figure out what kind of hound she was looking at.

The smoking hound looked almost like a male version of Bee, but with a darker coat, broader shoulders, shorter ears and stood at the Sin's height. Maybe taller. There were black marks around his eyes, on his cheeks and lined his muzzle. A slightly loose white shirt covered his torso while over it was a single green gem that dangled from a black cord around his neck, while some kind of blue bandanna with a metal plate hung closer to his throat. A pair of carpenter shorts were held up by a black belt that had an orange 'fuming' Emoti-con button pinned into one of the belt loops as a makeshift buckle and a large green button with a paw print pinned to the one after that. His arches had tape wound around them, too.

"Keep staring like that and I'm gonna start charging you for the show." His voice tore her out of her thoughts. Loona flushed and stepped away.

"Thanks for the smoke, dick."

"Anytime, try to relax and enjoy the night!" He grinned and went back to his lounging. His foot tapped in the air and his humming turned into a soft singing.

"...Every-thin' goin' on upstairs is cra-ay-z; c'mon, delve a little deeper, and dig into this plate with me!"

Whoa, Blue-Eyes had pipes. Like, definitely someone shed pirate music of if he had any

"...You're not half-bad." Loona wanted to bite herself. She didn't need to engage with this guy...Even if it, outside of Tex and Bee, was the only positive experience she had thus far tonight.

"Nah, just heard that song too much growin' up." He shrugged. He glanced at her, then at the others on the cobblestone, then back. "You don't mind if I keep going, do you?"

"I don't care." Loona answered, both to reassure herself that she did not care about this maybe cute rando on the railing and to, well, answer him. He nodded.

"Cool." He tapped his knee and nodded his head a few times. Then the part he'd sung to came up, he mouthed the words he'd already started with before he continued.

"Baby, we're up all night til we ge-et enough, this is the app-pet-tite of House El-Lzebub; closed mouths won't get fed, open up your jaws...Until there's nothin' left of this Monster's Ball. Gulp it down now."

He tapped his finger in the air and a heavy instrumental drop started. He took another drag of his smoke and then flicked it away. A loud, disgusting loogie followed suit and hit it before it hit the ground.

"Gross." She curled her lip in disgust.

"What're you talking about? I just prevented a forest fire." He spun on his seat and put his hand on his chest. "I'm a hero."

"Sure you are." Loona snorted and took another drag of her own. She leaned on the railing and exhaled a cloud that the other weird hound immediately swallowed. Gnarly. She gave him a scrutinizing stare as he burped and complained about the spice of smog as he hopped from his perch and headed back inside. "Well, uh, thanks for the smoke, I guess."

"Anytime! And hey, if you decide to stick around, just come find me. I'm a wild and crazy guy, I'd be sure to liven up your party, y'know!" He grinned and gave her a pair of finger guns before he disappeared. Loona snorted and went back to checking her Sinstagram and waiting for Blitzø to message her back on an ETA. As she took another puff she thought about the hound that gave her the smoke with a small smirk.

What a dweeb. Loona mused, a small smile on her face as she took a deeper drag over his parting words before her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. ..Ah, fuck did I find that charming? …Goddammit.

Loona stared up at the Sin that towered over her. Okay, she had this. She's got this. She was fucked, but she's got this! This too likable and hot chick that was with the Hound she had a crush on was so going down! Dissing her dad – Blitzø was one thing, but accusing her of not knowing him as well as Loona did was crossing the fucking line.

She was totally going to square up and...Wha...Was Tex...sad? Why was he–?"

"Party Foul!"

The music shrieked to a stop and people took notice of them squaring off. What the fu–? Oh, hey. Blue-Eyed Smoker...what was he–? Loona's jaw dropped as Beelzebub stumbled back.

"Ow! What the shit?! Who just fucking nose-checked me?!" Bee-Lzebub rubbed her snout with a whine. The Blue-Eyed Smoker crossed his arms.

"Party. Foul. Sis." He reiterated dryly. ...Sorry, Loona's still a little drunk, but what?! He looked past Bee at Tex with a scowl. "Hey, chickenshit! Drop your balls and control your bitch!"

"Baby Bro, don't talk to Tex like that–!"

"Oh, fuck you, Bee!" B.E.S. gestured at the giant Sin as if she could eradicate the entire building with a flick of her finger. "What the fuck are you even doing?! You're fucking high and you're picking a fight with a drunk hound?" He looked back at her and then did a double take. Oh, he...didn't know it was her. That...hurt? Huh, it did a bit? Regardless, Loona lowered her fists slightly. He worked his mouth for a moment before he shook his head and glared back up at the Sin. "...Or she's picking a fight with you. In that case, yeah, kind of stupid, but you're definitely overreacting. And Tex, you know how you're supposed to deal with her when you get like this!"

"C'mon, you lame-o dick, you're killin the vibe–!" Some rando in the back shouted.

"Fucker, I dunno who that was, but I will neuter you!" B.E.S. snapped over his shoulder. He glared back at Bee. She growled at him and he bared his teeth. A flare of..something suddenly washed over Loona and was he ..bigger? Slightly? "Bee? Shrink, or I'll make you. NOW!"

Bee shrank. She crossed her four arms and pouted at him.

"Not cool, Baby Bro...Was I really killin' the Vibe getting Spicy?"

"Oh, I dunno, Bee, you tell me. Because you thought that you could even get so Spicy in the middle of the hall and no one else fucking noticed?!" B.E.S. – the apparent sibling of Bee-Lzebub, like what the fuck?! – gestured at the Hounds and other demons that were turning tail and bailing. "Yeah, I'd say You killed the party, Bee. Way to fuckin' go. Also, you owe me fifteen K, because I told you that Mammon Brand shit would leave you easily triggered and what happened not two minutes ago?"

"I…Fuuuuuuck!" Bee groaned and scowled at him. She pushed him in the chest with a finger. "I'm going to detox, you get this party back on track. Tex!"

"Right here!" Ooh, Kay, he snapped to attention fast. Really fast, and he looked at her like a puppy would at potential parents. That was...cute? It feels weird calling Vortex cute, Loona realized. It also feels weird making the correlation she just di– her red eyes widened.

Bee is a cougar…and that makes her hotter somehow? Huh, really hope that's the alcohol talking.

"You're coming with me. Baby Bro, why don't you and little miss Sour Cream go wrangle up that Imp guy?"

"Sour Cream?" B.E.S. snorted and gave Loona a once over that had her ears burn and her lip started to curl again– he shrugged. "I think she's more of a Vanilla Cream, if anything."

Ooh, Vanilla cream sounded good…her stomach rumbled and the two apparent siblings looked at her. She crossed her arms.

"What?!"

"Nothing," B.E.S. said before the Sin could speak. He looked at Bee again. He jabbed her in the chest. "Go fuck Tex until you're sober."

Ooh, yeah, that was blunt and fuck, Loona love-hated the image that projected. Dammit, why was every hot guy out there weird, taken or gay?

"You're so fuckin bossy, Baby Bro. You never get this bossy–unless…" Bee gasped. "Are you crushing on a party pup?!"

…Loona didn't care…Loona did not care…fuck her repressed inner gossip! She glanced at B.E.S., and took in the way his ears folded back, his tail flicked, his shoulders squared and they looked nice and rounded in that t-shirt–whoa, Drunk Loona must be a little thirsty. B.E.S. curled his lip and narrowed his pretty blue eyes.

"Bee. Go. Detox."

"Deets when I get back. C'mon, babe, let's go." The Sin flew off with Vortex in her arms..carrying him under his pits like he was a toy..and that's another disturbing thought Loona was going to repress after tonight. Oh. Fuck now she was alone with–

"Hey, Smokey, you good?"

"Smokey?" Loona frowned.

"Well, it's that or I call you Vanilla Cream, and honestly, it's bad enough that Bee calls people foodie nicknames. We both can't do that." B.E.S. snorted as he grinned at her. "So, you got an Imp here with you? Like, as your date, or–?"

"No, he's my D–He adopted me." Loona grumbled.

"Oh, neat! A Pound Pup. Where ya from?"

"Pride."

"Like, Sinner City–?"

"Wh, fuck no. I grew up in the Second Circle."

"Oh, Imp City! Never been there, heard it's alright, y'know, for Hell."

"Yeah, it – Wait, what is happening right now?" Loona frowned. He blinked.

"Uh, we're talking? You know, getting to know each other like friends do?"

"..I, oh. I thought–Ugh, I need to find Blitz." Loona rubbed her head. Tonight was too much. She was drunk, she was hungry and now maybe she thinks she's a little horny.

"Well, I can help with that. You got a picture of him?"

"Yeah, hold on." Loona showed him one on her phone.

"Got it. Brace yourself." For wh–? He exploded! Loona coughed and waved at the tasteless, odorless smoke until it cleared and…Oh. Oh fuck. Her jaw dropped, her tail started to wag and she might have almost written off a nine as a two.

A good dozen duplicates stood in the hall, some yammering at each other until one, the original, put clawed fingers to his mouth and whistled sharply.

"You saw the Imp! Find him!"

""YES, BOSS!"" And then they darted off in orange blurs. Loona gulped and looked back at the supposed original who watched the clones leave with a hint of Pride. This close, and with the aid of that wonderful Whiskey Lens, he wasn't too bad looking. Not Vortex levels of 'fuck me alpha', but he had a definite 'Alpha' vibe to him, just a little muted. It made her wonder..

"Who the fuck are you?" She muttered. His ear twitched and he looked at her, before he grinned again and there's the Alpha. That's a 'Daddy Alpha' vibe he had hidden away. ...What, Loona's seen porn, that's how it worked!

"Who th–? Oh right, my name's Naru-Lzebub, but you can just call me Naruto."

And that, ladies, germs and other specifications around the globe, is how One Knuckleheaded Glutton could have started!

Fuck I hated this beta write. Just a basic knockoff of the episode.

Oh, and the lyrics to the song belong to Vivziepop and all that.

Whatever, thanks for reading!