Chapter 525

I Have Waited So Long

John returned to the Commanded Center. He was properly clothed now. John Henry and Cam both entered and plugged in. Cam was to watch over John Henry as they searched for targets or threats. Jim and Bob were both there as well, just in case.

No one expected any trouble. John Henry was never aggressive when he experienced his 'issue'.

John wanted him to get back into the swing of things. If John Henry began to second guess himself, or doubt himself, it would spread through him like an infection.

Cam spoke with John privately before she plugged in with John Henry's server. She wanted to make Cammy's, Vanna's, and Savannah's assessment known to him. First she would make her position known.

"Cameron has total confidence in John Henry." Cam said.

John looked at Cam. He knew her base program was Cameron's program. He wanted to make sure of what she said since Cameron was still inactive.

"Is it from the 'Cameron' in you?" John asked.

Cam didn't care to deal with John in this manner. Her 'feelings' for John were suppressed and replaced by feelings for Vanna. Still, her original programming remained.

"I am 'Cameron', John." Cam said. "If she's unfixable I'll have her spare chip installed in this chassis. You won't be able to tell the difference. Everything will feel the same and respond in the same way. Cameron is her program and the DNA of this chassis is identical."

John was aware Cammy told him almost the same exact thing earlier. He couldn't tell any of Cameron's clones apart. They all looked identical to him. They all shared Allison's DNA and Cameron's program. He really didn't know how Savannah did it. Young Allison and Summer could too. The only indication he could derive as to who was actually Cameron, was Cameron would be the one with a frown on her face, and the clones would all have a smile. They seemed much 'happier' with the girls than Cameron did with him. It left a sour taste in his mouth and it wasn't Cameron's fault.

He understood Cameron carried a lot on her plate. She was the one who did the heavy lifting for the Resistance. She was the one who received all of the negative feedback from the past, the future. When she first arrived in the past and dealt with his family and him, there was a lot of negativity involved with it as well. He couldn't blame his mother or Derek. He could blame himself. There were a lot of things which could have been done differently.

He didn't want any of the clones to 'jump the gun'. There was no need to rush into anything. There were always multiple things they could try, including 'temporal management'. It wasn't something he wanted to get into or rely on. He didn't think Cameron herself would be quite as cautious or thoughtful in regards to changing things.

"We'll cross the bridge when we get to it." John said. "We'll see how things play out first."

Cam wanted to give him something positive. She knew Vanna and Savannah went about to give up on anything.

"The girls think it will all work out in the end." Cam said. "If not, it's covered. I'm sure it gives you something to look forward to one way or the other. Remember, Cameron knows how you think, and about what. We do as well."

Cam knew her proposal would give Vanna a better chance to be with John. She didn't want to see it so much herself, as she did for what Vanna desired. It was her goal to make Vanna happy. Besides, sacrifice was the true test of love.

John wasn't sure how much interaction there was with Cameron and her clones about personal matters. Cameron didn't update with any of her clones once they were created. She didn't want anything back from them. He understood the reason why. Once Cameron received the files from her clones about the girls, she would want to be with them as well. He couldn't really blame her. It was an enticing thought for him as well.

After John returned to the Command Center, Kyle and Derek both headed off to see Sarah, Jan, and Riley. The Reese clan needed a 'get together' to reaffirm their love and caring for each other. It all could have fallen apart in a few seconds. Everything could have changed. They would want to go out later and 'see' their younger selves again as well. It would be done clandestinely. They chose not to interact with them and burden them with the future and all of its evils and horrors. Their goal was still to prevent them from ever happening. They wanted to keep Skynet down and make sure Judgment Day never occurred.

Riley and Derek informed Kyle and Sarah they were going to give their baby to Cameron when it was born. Cameron said she wouldn't take it, but Riley still wanted to do it. She was sure when she put the baby in Cameron's arms after its birth, Cameron would change her mind. Riley was adamant about her love for Cameron.

Sarah and Kyle were in shock. They weren't even sure they heard everything correctly, even if they did. They both told Riley they didn't believe Cameron would ever take something so precious from her, as it was most likely going to be Riley's only child.

Riley told Sarah it didn't matter. She wanted to do something special for Cameron. She wanted Cameron to know how special she was to her, to both of them. What she planned was their proof of it. It was almost the ultimate sacrifice.

Sarah still wasn't sure what Riley was thinking or why. It seemed Riley was on 'her own page', and Derek was forced to go along with it. Even if he seemed supportive, he didn't look too enthusiastic about Riley's proposal.

Kyle wanted to speak with Derek in private about it. He felt the same way Sarah did. They didn't speak it out loud but it was clear they both thought the same thing.

Derek and Kyle went outside the room away from Riley and Sarah.

Kyle wasn't really sure where to start. He needed to say something. He didn't want the issue to come across as negative from the beginning.

"I respect any decision you make, but is it something you really want to do?" Kyle asked. "It may be your only child."

Derek was well aware of it. He was against it at first, but understood the point Riley wanted to make. It seemed Cameron was able to achieve very few personal goals. They understood there were a lot of limitations of her existence based upon the nature of her creation. Well there were many things Cameron could do which a human couldn't. There were a few things humans could do which Cameron couldn't.

"I, WE, want Cameron to have some happiness and joy in her life." Derek said. "It took me a little longer to get on board, but I am now. We're in a position to help her. It's what we both want to do."

Kyle hoped everyone would reconsider before the baby was born. He wouldn't have wanted to give Jan up. He understood the nature of the gesture. It was very selfless on Derek and Riley's part. He wasn't so sure they would be able to give the infant up once it was born and they held it first. He was also aware things could still go wrong.

"Maybe we should all give it some time and see how everything plays out." Kyle said. "There's no way to know what's going to happen around here one way or the other going forward. Based upon the events we faced earlier, it shows nothing is written in concrete, even if we think it is."

Derek didn't plan to change his mind. He could sense it might become an issue of contention between Kyle and him. It wasn't something he wanted to get into. He hoped it didn't become an issue for Sarah and Riley either.

"Sure, bro, there's a few more months to go." Derek said. "Who knows what will happen?"

No one discussed what if Cameron didn't recover….

The thought was inconceivable. It was still something which lurked in the back of all of their minds, well, all of their minds except Savannah's.

Maybe such an offer would help bring Cameron back from the 'dead'. Maybe such an offer would keep her there among the 'dead'.

Maybe it would have no impact at all if the 'dead' couldn't hear any longer. If nothingness was all there was, then nothingness is all there would be. It was a state no one would even know they were in.

Cam watched John Henry. He seemed slow and unresponsive. She was plugged into his server and knew there was nothing physically 'wrong' with him. He was reluctant to re-engage. It was clear he doubted himself and was worried he would make a mistake or error. She knew it must create quite an internal conflict for him. It created one for her, and she wasn't him.

Something came to her attention. She knew John Henry saw it as well. He was too slow to respond. There was some action required. She was only supposed to be in the 'background'. John Henry should have spoken up. He didn't. Now she needed to.

"John, I have some activity." Cam said.

John perked up. He hadn't noticed anything yet. He wondered why John Henry didn't mention it to him. He looked away from John Henry and focused his attention on Cam.

"Where is it, and how big of a threat is it?" John asked.

Cam waited for John Henry to take over, he didn't. She didn't want John to worry. She wanted John Henry to step up. He needed to pick up the baton. It was right in front of him and nothing prevented him from doing it, other than himself.

"It isn't an attack." Cam said. "John Henry…."

John Henry still said nothing. He was afraid he would malfunction again. He was reluctant to start participating. He was now able to understand some of Cameron's trepidations better. He knew someone only really ever understood something when it happened to them. Now it did happen to him. It was a terrible feeling. He now knew what being 'not good enough' felt like. He didn't know Cameron's version was much more traumatic as it involved her as to who she was, not in her abilities. He was worried about his performance, not his existence.

He looked at John and back at Cam. It seemed to him Cam could do it all without his assistance, or meddling. He wasn't sure he was needed. He didn't respond.

John could see the indecision. He saw it in Cameron enough times. Hers was personal. The issue was an operational matter. He wanted John Henry to know everyone experienced 'trouble' at times. It wasn't just him. It wasn't just one time for any of them either. It was a continual and ongoing process to err and make mistakes.

"John Henry, don't worry about it, it happens." John said. "It happens to people too. I need you to re-engage. I need you to do your job, because I know you can do it. I want your help and assistance. I rely on you for most of what happens in the Command Center. I want to continue everything as it was. Nothing is different. Just think of things as they were a day ago."

John Henry knew Cameron's fear. Her fear was replacement. Right now he longed for it. He wanted to be anywhere else right now. He wanted John to understand he was unreliable and a failure. Maybe he should try to phrase it better.

"I'm sorry, John." John Henry said. "I should be replaced. It is the most logical thing to do to keep the Resistance efficient and safe. Perhaps I should be assigned to one of the Details. No. I don't want to endanger anyone. Maybe I can be assigned to surveillance duty or placed into standby."

The words stung Cam. She knew the pain, grief, and sorrow the same types of thoughts caused Cameron. She felt the same 'slap' too. John Henry needed to 'grow a pair'. She knew it was something which actually was grafted onto his sheath from a damaged Terminator. When his synthetic covering was redone, his male anatomy wasn't present. Cameron - rectified the problem for him. He now sported a complete package, and it was a big one. It was time he lived up to it. She wanted to make 'Cameron's position' known.

"NO." Cam said. "Nobody is being replaced."

John wanted to offer him some positive reinforcement. He didn't want Cam to speak too harshly. Maybe she was more like Cameron than he thought. It sure seemed like it. He needed to remember the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Vanna wasn't around. Maybe the 'real Cameron' in her would come out. He wasn't really sure it was something he wanted to see and experience. It was bad enough to need to deal with Cameron. He focused his attention on John Henry and spoke what he truly felt.

"Just do like you always have, John Henry." John said. "We're all depending on you. We have faith in you. I personally have faith in you and your ability to perform. If everyone let one stumble hold them back, they would never get anywhere in life. I don't know anyone who doesn't have problems of some type. Life moves forwards not backwards."

John Henry learned of faith from Mr. Ellison. It was a concept he knew was impossible, but it possessed such power. It was something which was invisible and no one could see, yet it was there. He knew when people believed in something, the belief made it real to them. Their belief made it real to them. Many religions were based on belief. It was all very illogical, yet so powerful. People died for beliefs. They were willing to kill for them as well. Sometimes the fundamentals were the same for multiple groups yet they battled each other over the details. It really made no sense at all. If they all worshiped the same deity, why did they need to kill each other about some minor detail, which was probably based on interpretation more than anything else.

Maybe he would try and act. Non-participation was a failure. To take no action was a failure. To do nothing was a failure. It was better to try and fail, than not try at all and fail. He wanted some close support. He didn't want to let John down. He thought he should build in his own safeguard. He would also like to have some official backup.

"If I sense anything out of the ordinary I'll unplug and shut down." John Henry said. "Maybe someone can stay with me for a few days."

The three Terminators there all wanted to support him. They knew of Cameron's doubts and how they affected her. They wanted him to know they'd watch his back. So far Bob and Jim didn't add much to the conversation. They were ready to respond to his last statement.

"I'll stay." Cam, Bob, and Jim all said at the same time.

Cam moved forward and touched John Henry's cheek. She wanted to make a personal connection as 'Cameron'. What she wanted to say was Cameron's true feelings about John Henry.

"We all look out for each other." Cam said. "You've always been there for me, for Cameron. 'She' is here for you. You'll feel the faith Cameron has in you. It is absolute. She doesn't doubt you at all. You shouldn't either. You have her support for everything."

John was worried by it. Cam was ready to become 'Cameron'. He knew Cammy was ready too. Cam came with Vanna. Cammy came with Savannah. He knew which one he wanted. He could still feel the warm naked teenage body below him, ready for him. It still called to him. He wanted to be the first. He wanted Savannah's virginity. He wouldn't turn down Vanna either. She may have been around the block quite a few times, but it was never her choice for males.

John Henry looked at everyone and saw they were all worried about him and cared for him. It was time to get back to work. He didn't want to let anyone down and he didn't want to disappoint 'Cameron'. He knew the information he was responsible for.

"The activity is at one of the former Gray sites we hit…." John Henry said.

John Henry was back to 'normal'.

Everyone smiled.

John was satisfied John Henry was back up to speed. He debated with himself about what he wanted to do next. Should he go to the lab in person to check on Cameron or not? Maybe it would be better if he just called. He didn't want to create any problems. He phoned Vanna to see how Cameron was doing.

"Has there been any change with Cameron?" John asked.

Vanna didn't know where to go with things yet.

"She's currently shut down." Vanna said. "Cammy detected no activity on her chip."

John was worried by her statement. It sounded terminal. It sounded like Cameron was 'gone'. He didn't want to ask, but he needed to.

"Did she self terminate?" John asked.

Vanna was at a loss for anything positive right now. There was nothing conclusive, other than the obvious.

"It appears it's what occurred." Vanna said. "I'm sorry, John."

John wanted to get everything straight. He wanted a definitive answer.

"Is Cameron dead?" John asked.

John knew Cameron's spare chip was only a week out of date. It was close enough for him going forward. Cameron didn't need the last week anyway. There were a lot of events which were best forgotten.

Vanna felt there were many paths forward for 'Cameron'.

"For now she may be." Vanna said. "We have four Terminators with a copy of her program. Three of them have Cameron's, or actually Allison's, appearance. We have her spare chip and a copy of her program on her server along with everyone else's program. Not to mention Ally. We also have two Duplicate Camerons, one of which you were already intimate with."

John knew it was a big selection. He was defensive of the fact he was with Duplicate Cameron. It was still 'Cameron'. It wasn't like he knew there was a difference. He didn't think it should be held against him in any way. Everyone believed the same things he did.

"I thought she was Cameron. It was 'Cameron'." John said. "She didn't know she was a Duplicate. Nobody did."

Vanna could see she hit a nerve. It didn't seem like a big deal and it didn't bother Cameron. She took all the files from Duplicate Cameron as her own. Whatever Duplicate Cameron did, Cameron felt as if it was her. In reality it really was, even if it wasn't. There was no need for John to be self conscious about it.

"Relax, no one is judging you." Vanna said and then added. "About it…."

John could see with all her clones, Duplicates, and copies of her program, there would always be a 'Cameron' somewhere.

"So basically, Cameron is eternal." John said. "Just like Savannah always said."

Vanna knew it was deeper than what John indicated for Savannah.

"Yes, but Savannah always referred to Cameron Prime." Vanna said. "It's still her belief. It's a strong one too."

John wouldn't challenge Savannah's belief. She was the only one who was always right about it all.

"I get it. Cameron is her program, not her sheath or chassis." John said.

"That's the way it works." Vanna said.

One thing Vanna said earlier intrigued John.

"Who has Cameron's program but not her sheath?" John asked. "I know Ally has Allison's appearance but not Cameron's program."

Vanna was intrigued by Anna. Hanna was based on her DNA, and aged to her appearance. Anna displayed Savannah's teenage appearance.

"Anna does." Vanna said. "Anna is the cyborg version of Savannah, with Cameron's program and the 'Neural Interface' with Savannah."

John was silent for a long while. He thought about what it meant and the implications. It was the equivalent of 'Cameron' with Savannah's appearance.

Vanna picked up on what John must have pictured. She did it herself. She was fairly certain it was something everyone would do when they thought about it.

"It's kind of the best of both worlds for you." Vanna said. "Anna has Savannah's teenage appearance as well. It can be Resequenced to an even younger appearance, even if her height won't change. There are many possibilities for an infiltrator."

John was tempted to ask how much younger. He knew the chassis couldn't get smaller, but the physical features could appear younger. He knew he better stop watching the 'movie' he liked. He believed it was 'a new low', even for 'Spencer', and him.

He would like to see Anna with a younger appearance with 'Cameron's program'. She would be very much like Young Allison at that point. He remained silent. Maybe it was the intent. He didn't know what Anna's assignment was going to be. It was going to be to watch over Young Allison. The closer they would appear in physical appearance, would allow them to interact with each other, as well as others, without anyone thinking anything about it.

Vanna didn't want to make John uncomfortable. She did have something positive to offer. She wanted to go over what the current situation was in the lab.

"John, I'm sorry." Vanna said. "Savannah is with Cammy and Cameron now. If anyone can reach Cameron, you know it's Savannah."

John was glad to hear it. There was hope and there was someone who believed in Cameron with her.

"Yes I do." John said. "Savannah is the 'Chosen One', just like Cameron always said. Savannah has saved Cameron from termination before. She will be able to do it again. Thanks, Vanna, if anything changes please let me know. I know I'm useless to Cameron at this point."

The line went dead.

Vanna wondered what the last part was all about. She peeked through the little glass window in the lab door. She saw Savannah lying between Cameron and Cammy.

She did know if anyone could reach them, it was Savannah. She really was the 'Chosen One' and rightfully so. She earned the title with her faith and devotion.

Vanna saw Al and called him over and told him to take over. No one was to disturb Savannah and Cameron. She said it was Savannah's order. She didn't think about her exact statement and of her choice of words.

Al took up his position. Vanna indicated something very specific to him. He knew how to carry out an order.

"Affirmative…." Al said. "I will not fail."

Vanna went off to find Cam and apologize to John in person. She wanted to make sure there weren't any hard feelings between them. If there was something 'hard', she knew where she wanted it. She still wanted the 'three way'….

She still wanted it to be HER choice, for once. It never was before with males.

Savannah dozed off.

She lost track of the time.

Savannah opened her eyes and she was staring at her.

"How are you, Cammy?" Savannah asked. "How's Cameron?"

"You'll never give up on her, will you, Savannah?"

"I love her." Savannah said. "I want to be with her, forever."

"Forever is a long time."

"It's not long enough." Savannah said.

She moved over to Savannah, she was above her.

Savannah waited.

She moved closer to Savannah as their eyes locked.

She gave Savannah a kiss. It was soft and gentle and slow. It was very sweet and loving. Savannah returned it in the same way.

"I have waited so long for that." Savannah said.

"We both have. You always know."

"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." Savannah said.

"I love you, Savannah, and you love me."

They held each other and sobbed. Savannah was sure it was Cameron in control, but maybe it was really Cammy playing 'Cameron'. They were BOTH Cameron anyway. With both chips in Cammy, there was really no way to know. Savannah knew the kiss was 'different'.

"Do you want me to put your chip back in your chassis?" Savannah asked.

She wanted to make sure it really was Cameron, if it was Cameron.

"No, but Cammy's asked for control of her chassis back. She said if I don't stop now, there's no stopping ever."

"Do you want to stop?" Savannah asked. "Did you merge programs?"

"No and no. Cammy is still Cammy, but I have updated her to this moment. I can reestablish her protocols for John…."

Savannah understood the implications of what was just proposed. It was a game changer on several levels

"Are you giving me the choice?" Savannah asked.

"Yes. You're the one who determines who is 'Cameron Prime' and who becomes 'Cammy'. You know what I want."

"So whichever chip I put in the other chassis, it becomes 'Cameron', and the one I leave in here becomes 'Cammy'?" Savannah asked. "Only I will know who is really 'Cameron Prime'?"

"You're the only one who will know. YOU are the 'decider'."

"Really?" Savannah asked.

"You're the 'Chosen One'. Now you get to choose…."

"I already have…." Savannah said as she picked up the scalpel.

'I'm taking what's MINE.' Savannah thought.

She still wasn't sure if Cammy was 'playing' her. She was about to find out.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

I Have Waited So Long

There are many trials and tribulations
On the journey through life
Some aren't too difficult
Others cause grief and strife

Not everything that's desired
Can be fulfilled to achievement
In most of the cases that pass
There will be a lot of bereavement

Each person must decide
For what it is that they will fight
Many will buckle and fold
They will pack up and take flight

Some will show stamina
They won't run off and hide
They will stick it out indefinitely
Even as they face mounting chide

One must not bend and stay strong
If they do they won't be wrong
The one desired will hear their song
Each will say - I have waited so long

Nobody