Shelby and Matt Miller had been through a lot. Haunted houses, ghostly colonists, and unhinged reality TV shows had taken their toll on their relationship, but tonight was about moving forward. They decided to do something normal, something that didn't involve spirits or bloodshed—so they went on a date to a Chinese restaurant in downtown Raleigh.

The Golden Lotus was a cozy place with red lanterns hanging from the ceiling and the faint sound of traditional Chinese music playing in the background. Shelby, ever the perfectionist, wore a simple yet elegant black dress. Matt, trying his best to match her energy, sported a button-up shirt that still had the faintest hint of a wrinkle.

"This is nice," Shelby said, smiling as they were led to their table. "No ghosts, no cameras, no drama."

"Right," Matt said, nodding. "Just us, some dumplings, and—hopefully—a fortune cookie that doesn't foretell doom."

Shelby laughed, and for the first time in weeks, it felt genuine. They were going to be fine. Or so they thought.

Their waitress appeared a moment later, an older woman with a sharp gaze and an air of authority. Her name tag read Ming. She handed them menus with a quick, practiced motion and studied them like a scientist observing lab rats.

"You two look tired," Ming said, raising an eyebrow. "You fighting?"

Shelby blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Your eyes," Ming continued, pointing at Shelby. "Puffy. Been crying?"

Matt shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, no, we're fine."

Ming snorted. "Sure you are. Men always say that. Let me guess, he forgot your anniversary?"

Shelby's jaw dropped. "No! We're just… trying to have a nice night out."

Ming smirked. "Could've fooled me."

Shelby looked at Matt, who seemed torn between laughing and sinking into the floor. "Is this… normal here?" Shelby whispered.

Matt shrugged. "I think she's just being direct?"

Ming tapped her pen against her notepad, unimpressed. "You want to order, or you want to argue? Because I don't have all night."

"Right," Shelby said, forcing a smile. "We'll start with the pork dumplings."

"Good choice," Ming said. "But maybe get two orders. You look like you're stress-eating."

Shelby's smile faltered. "I'm not—"

"Stress," Ming interrupted, pointing at Shelby's shoulders. "Tension all here. You need a massage. Or maybe fewer fights with him."

Matt choked on his water, trying to stifle a laugh. Shelby glared at him.

When Ming disappeared into the kitchen, Shelby leaned across the table. "Is she serious? Or is this some kind of customer service strategy?"

"I don't know," Matt said, grinning. "But it's kind of funny."

"It's not funny," Shelby hissed. "We came here for a normal date."

"Yeah, but now we've got a story to tell," Matt said. "Come on, Shelby. Let's just roll with it."

"Fine," Shelby muttered. "But if she calls me puffy one more time, I'm leaving."

The dumplings arrived, and for a moment, everything seemed fine. Ming didn't say much as she set down the plate, but as she turned to leave, she paused.

"Don't eat too fast," she said, eyeing Matt. "You look like the kind of guy who chokes."

Matt blinked. "Uh… thanks for the advice?"

Ming nodded sagely. "You're welcome."

As she walked away, Shelby burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer. "She's relentless!"

"Right?" Matt said, shaking his head. "But, hey, at least she's thorough."

By the time their entrees arrived, Ming's commentary had become a full-blown roast session.

"Kung Pao chicken," she said, placing the dish in front of Matt. "Spicy. You look like you can't handle spice, though."

Matt frowned. "I can handle spice."

Ming raised an eyebrow. "Really? You don't look like it. You look like a mayonnaise guy."

Shelby nearly spit out her tea. "A mayonnaise guy?"

Ming ignored her and turned to Shelby. "And for you, General Tso's chicken. Sweet, but a little messy. Like your relationship."

"Excuse me?" Shelby said, her laughter fading.

Ming shrugged. "Just saying what I see."

As the meal went on, Ming's brutal honesty became the unexpected highlight of the night. By the time she brought the check, Matt and Shelby were both laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

"Okay," Shelby said, wiping tears from her eyes. "You win. This was better than a normal date."

"Told you," Matt said, grinning. "And I didn't even choke."

Ming appeared one last time, her sharp gaze softening just a little. "You're a good couple," she said. "Messy, but good. Don't screw it up."

Shelby smiled. "Thanks, Ming. I think."

"Don't thank me," Ming said, waving them off. "Just tip well."

As they left the restaurant, Shelby turned to Matt. "You know, this might be the weirdest date we've ever had."

"And that's saying something," Matt replied.

They walked hand in hand, feeling lighter than they had in weeks. Sometimes, all it took was a little tough love from a brutally honest waitress to remind them what really mattered: laughter, dumplings, and the ability to survive anything—even a roast session over dinner.