Author's Note:
This writing is an attempt at writing a LucaBeth story within current show canon. Personally, I've not tuned into the program since Season 10, having stopped when Elizabeth left Lucas at the train station. I have seen clips, but I strongly disagree with the direction the show took and consider everything after Season 9 alt canon which I reject on the basis that several significant elements of the original canon are contradicted by or otherwise incongruent with this current offering. It is what it is. For this story, however, I'm pretending that alt-canon is real and attempting to fix some of the incongruencies that are seen. Most significantly, I am respecting the choice Elizabeth made in season 8 by saying Nathan was NOT to be her lifetime nor was she to be his. That was as clear as the writing on her page until they muddied it up and devastated millions who were looking forward to a wedding they'd looked forward to for years. So, if you are team Nathan and don't want to see Elizabeth and Nathan parted, this story is probably not for you. If you do choose to read, I ask you will be respectful. I treat the character of Nathan with respect in all of my writings and do and will always cast him as a good guy. For Team Lucas, we are now Team Lucas and we are split. My polls on X and Facebook indicated that over 75% of Lucas fans want to see him reunited with Elizabeth while up to 21% want him to reject her. There are those also who expressed a desire to see two endings, but the numbers were smaller, so I'm going to go for the first option with some of the second and hopefully draft a feasible plot that you'll enjoy. Thank you so much for your reviews in advance. I love hearing from you! And now, onto our story - J.

He closed his eyes as the warm amber liquid rolled across his tongue and burned a trail all the way to his heart. It had been a long day and difficult, not at all what he was expecting on his last day in Hope Valley before returning to Capitol City to greet the legislative assembly returning from recess. Oh, how he hated that job, to be stuck in the Governor's office, spending his days in meetings with bloviating politicians whose interest was not in their constituents but in their own self-promotion. He could tell them that money and power did not bring happiness because he had tasted both. And yet, strangely, the lonely world of a Governorship that he never wanted seemed a welcoming alternative to this life in the shadow of the dream he'd never have.

Lucas Bouchard had tried. Truly, he had. After his injury, he had tried to pick up the pieces of his life, moving past the physical scars he had borne from his shooting and accepting the scars of the heart. But every time he saw her, whether it be walking in town with her basket full of books or playing with her son in the sunshine, it reminded him that the wounds of his heart had not healed. He still loved her, and he knew he always would – even though she was with someone else.

But he 'soldiered on,' as he'd done his entire life. Despite never achieving the life he wanted, he continued to give as he always did to a town that gave little in return—accepting the superficial friendships of people who, at the end of the day, would wish him a happy evening, going home to their loving families while he went home to a house whose emptiness was only surpassed by that of his own heart. What else could he do? He had to play the hand that was dealt him – though for what prize he was no longer certain.

Lucas Bouchard had gambled at love and lost, and now, with the life he always wanted seemingly unattainable, was it time for him to fold? Downing his glass of whisky, he tossed the empty glass across the room. He was weary and sick and sad. A man without hope, without joy, alone.

Nathan was the first to recognize it, a hesitancy within her whenever they drew close that wouldn't allow her to fully connect. He had questioned her gently about what was wrong, and for a while, they had dismissed it, chalking it up to the travails of young love, allowing their deep friendship to substitute for the true intimacy of spirit they both longed for. But finally, it became impossible to ignore. With every meeting, every glance, it was there. An omnipresent influence so strong that it overshadowed their lover's union, which they both knew now was over before it began.

It was the look that exposed the lie – no, it was the lingering stare that Elizabeth gave one Saturday afternoon as she watched Lucas help the town's newest resident, Miranda Bell, into his car before leaving with her for an overnight trip to Union City. Florence Yost had been the one to draw her attention to them as she stood inside Yost's Mercantile ringing out Elizabeth's groceries. Hearing Florence's gossip was not unusual, but when she mentioned that Bell had visited that lingerie shop in Benson Hills the day before, Elizabeth's full attention turned toward the street.

"You know, they've been spending a lot of time together," the store owner's wife said.

"Yeah, I've noticed," Nathan said, absentmindedly picking through a bin of hair barrettes, looking for his daughter Allie's favorite color.

"I think romance is in the air," she continued in a sing-song tone, smiling as she took money from Nathan after ringing out his last item. "And now…they're going overnight for business? Business my foot!"

Elizabeth's lips parted as her eyes followed the pair, now seated side-by-side inside Bouchard's car. Then she witnessed Miranda drape her arm over Lucas's shoulder and Bouchard turn to Bell and smile, causing Elizabeth to seethe. But why?

From that moment, Elizabeth slipped into a daze, stepping away from the counter and walking to the door, her gaze following the governor's vehicle until it pulled out of view. After that, she stood, unmoving, not hearing when they called out to her and not reacting until Nathan himself stepped up and put his hands on her arms.

"Elizabeth, sweetheart. Are you okay?" he asked.

Raising her eyes toward him, Elizabeth revealed far more than she ever wanted, as the truth reflected in her expression.

She still loves him, Nathan thought. But what about me?

Unwilling to articulate the conflict within her, Elizabeth managed a slight smile, which did not travel to her eyes, and told Grant it was time to go. A shaken Nathan gathered their groceries in his arms and followed her outside. After that, she wouldn't speak about it at all, shutting down his questions and denying the feelings inside, which she knew were true.

To Nathan's credit, he backed off and gave her time, time to work it out. But as days turned into weeks with no resolution, a distance formed between them as, despite their public appearance of togetherness, their dishonest secret began to eat away at what they had. Something had to change.

And then it happened. A note in Nathan's handwriting slipped under Elizabeth's door and asked for her to meet him at the Mountie office when his shift had ended. Grant had watched in silence as they stood in the sanctuary after church that morning and saw when she became visibly upset over news that Lucas and Miranda would be returning to Capitol City together on Tuesday and that he'd planned to meet her family. Was he going to propose?

Quickly, a panic enveloped her, and she turned and rushed out the door. Nathan followed, but she waved him away, telling him she needed to be alone. He would have run after her, but he knew in his heart that it would do no good. He feared he'd lost her. Did he really ever have her? And so, he wrote the note and delivered it under her door, and she read it. And when she did, she had a sense that this was no ordinary meeting. Her time of reckoning had come.

Sending her son next door to visit the neighbors, Elizabeth Thornton gathered her things and made her way into town.

"Hello," she said softly, stepping quietly into the familiar room of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police office, a space first occupied by her late husband, Jack, but now the office of Nathan Grant. Grant was sitting at his desk when she entered, organizing a stack of papers and didn't look up.

Elizabeth took a few steps forward and stood in front of his desk. "You wanted to see me?" she asked, her stomach tightening in the heavy atmosphere.

Nathan finally placed the papers into a folder and nodded toward the chair, encouraging her to sit. He then loaded the folder into a briefcase on his desk. "I thought you should know I'm going out of town," he said.

"Oh?" Perhaps this wasn't so bad, she thought.

"Headquarters called. They're offering me a promotion up in Edmonton."

Thornton tensed. "Promotion? In Edmonton? You mean, they want you to move?"

"Yes," he said, looking up at her. "They're offering me an inspector's position. It's something I've always wanted, though I'd be working under Hargraves. I'll have to attend special training at base camp beginning next week."

"But…you would still live here, right?" she asked, her words stilted.

Nathan paused, looking at her from across the desk. "No, Elizabeth. I wouldn't. I'd be going to Edmonton. Allie could attend college there, and we could stay together. They're, um… having a lot of problems with bootleggers in the region, and Hargraves recommended me for my expertise."

Elizabeth grew silent, her mind processing the news he was sharing. Was she ready to move from Hope Valley? To give up her family, her friends, and… she stopped, gasping at her own internal conflict. Then she looked back at Nathan. "And you're going to accept it?"

"That's the direction I'm heading," he said.

"What about us?" she asked. "You know my life is here."

Nathan's eyes dropped toward his desk. "Elizabeth, If you love someone the way you should, where you live shouldn't matter. Your life should be wherever they are, not bound to some town, or to friends, or to…whatever…but to them."

"Nathan, it's not that simple," Elizabeth replied, her voice becoming shaky. "I have my students, Jack has his friends, and…"

"And none of that should matter if our love is true," Grant responded. "Elizabeth, I've loved you for a long time. But these excuses about not wanting to leave Hope Valley are just that -excuses. Good grief! You left a mansion in Hamilton to travel to the frontier and follow your heart's desire, and yet somehow you can't leave this village?"

"I love my home."

"As do I, but you know, and I know. There is something more – something you're not dealing that's holding you back. It was there with Lucas, and it's here with me. It's not good. It's not good for you, and it's most certainly not good for the people whose lives have been upended because of it."

"I don't know what you're saying," she responded.

"Yes, you do. Elizabeth, I know you still have feelings for him," he said, stopping to make sure he had her attention.

Elizabeth's eyes darted guiltily toward his. "Who?"

Nathan sighed. "You know who," he responded, his voice elevated. "Lucas! The guy you were with before me - the guy who still captures your attention when he's not even trying whenever he's in view." He watched as her gaze drifted toward the floor. "I see you're not denying it."

"Lucas Bouchard is no longer a factor in my life. He has found someone new."

"Like that matters?! Elizabeth, do you know how hard it was for me to let you go after you and Lucas got together? I knew! I knew it wasn't right! I knew you had chosen him, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted…no, I needed to see you. It was like some obsession – and even though I could see that he made you happy, I couldn't let it go. It's something I'm not proud of, but I hoped…I hoped to have just a little of what I saw in the two of you. And when I saw you hesitating, I knew that was my chance, and I encouraged you to doubt him, to doubt what you had. And for a little while, after you left him, I thought it was possible that I could give you what you needed, and we could be happy, but that was a lie."

Elizabeth's eyes remained trained on the floor, validating Nathan's concerns.

"I guess what I'm saying is, I'm done with being your second choice," Grant replied, his eyes intense. "If you want for our relationship to continue, then you've got to choose. You have to let him go, and you have to be willing to travel with me wherever life leads us. Only then will I know that I have your heart."

"Nathan…" Elizabeth said, her eyes filled with pleading, but Grant stood his ground.

"Sleep on it. I'm leaving in the morning to visit the Commander. I'd like to know your answer before then. We can't go on with things the way they are. You have to decide. If there's a chance for us, then I'm here with you. Maybe we can work it out. But if there's not, it's better for me to go. Better for all of us."

That evening, Elizabeth put her son to bed and then went downstairs in the quietness of her living room to finally confront what her heart had been telling her. She began with her journal, the one constant element in her life that could reveal to her the innermost thoughts of her soul. From the time she lost Jack until the present, the familiar pages of her writing had been a comfort to her – the smoothness of the paper and the smell of the ink, a beckoning friend whenever she needed to reflect or unburden herself about her day. Her diary, now several volumes, cataloged her every action as well as the feelings and fears she had long thought buried. And, that evening, she revisited it all.

She revisited how she felt when she arrived and, her love story with Jack, and the anguish when she lost him. She revisited meeting Lucas and Nathan for the first time and all of the complex emotions she felt as she felt drawn to both men. And she revisited the anguish and confusion she pushed for when she finally decided to remove her rings and turn the page in her life to choose to love again. Her love with Bouchard was precious, and real, and deep, and her memories of those Summer Days when they would picnic together, or ride horses, or she would stand by the road, waiting for him to come back from a ride on his motorcycle ride were some of the fondest memories of her life. He had joined their family, and her lonely life as a single mother on the frontier was somehow filled. And it was beautiful. And their love was real. But then, as the pages approached the time of her broken engagement, Elizabeth was finally forced to confront the realities of what she had done. It was a confusing time, for sure, but she knew the truth then, even as she did now. Lucas never wanted a life outside of Hope Valley. She had pushed him to it. He only ever wanted her – but then, she betrayed him.

Closing her eyes, she recalled that last moment they had together before he went to Capitol City to campaign before the election. She had promised she would be by his side but withdrew that promise just before they were to board the train. She told him it was for the best that their paths diverged and, that he deserved someone who could love him with her whole heart and that he was bound for greater things. But as those chocolate eyes stared back at her in grief, she knew she had broken his heart. Still, he didn't argue with her, nor did he put up a fight. He wanted her to be happy, even at his expense. And so, he left. My, he was brave.

What had happened to her? What had caused that idealistic young woman who traveled into the unknown to make a positive difference in people's lives to become such a self-absorbed and treacherous person - one whose own desire for self-protection caused her to lay ruin to the lives of others? She could say it was fear of loss, and that would be true, but there was something else, yet unexplored, that she couldn't put her finger on, which kept her holding back a part of herself and doomed the relationships she was in. What was it?

Shutting her diary, she leaned back against the sofa and looked across the room, her focus landing on the drawing that hung on the wall inside her stairwell. Jack's drawing. She stood and walked over to it and stared at the image of him holding her, remembering their time together when love was pure and life was filled with promise.

Looking at his eyes, drawn skillfully with Jack's artist's hand, she noted that as adeptly as the pencil had captured their likeness, it had failed to capture their essence – their strength – their joy. That twinkle in his eye and that glint of mischief that Jack Thornton so often displayed was now only preserved in memory. How often did she wish to see him again, to feel him with her, but he was gone. She had loved him deeply, and he left her – ruined.

"Why did you go, Jack?" she whispered, her finger tracing the contours of the curvature of his smile.

Suddenly, sorrow, mingled with unexpressed anger, manifested itself within her as tears of grief arose once more over his loss. "Why did you put your job and your community and your very life above the love we shared? Why? You knew I loved you. I would have done anything for you. And yet you always put me last. Did you not know that…." Suddenly, she stopped as her own words flashed back at her, recalling an image of her own sad persona weeping over seeing Jack ride away from her for another mission. But then, she remembered Lucas, turning back to see her that last time before she pushed him to board the train. And she remembered her reasons, and her mouth dropped open.

Stepping away from the portrait, she staggered across the room and clutched her chest. No, that can't be it. I couldn't have! Feeling her heart pound, a horrifying thought flooded her mind and soon what she had done became clear within her mind.

What Jack did to me – I did to Lucas. She collapsed into a chair.

For their entire relationship, Jack had always put his job, the town, and his duty toward others above his relationship with her, and, in much the same way, Elizabeth had elevated home, and neighbors, and friends above Bouchard. Except what she did was worse. With Jack, she always knew there was a danger, though she hated it. She lied to him, even though she loved him, and pushed him away.

"How? How could I have done this to him?" she thought. "I loved him. I still love him."

She wondered, in her effort to preserve Jack's memory and keep it alive, had she somehow, subconsciously, absorbed his priorities as well – living her life in many ways as she thought he would, with similar results – ruin.

Closing her eyes, she considered it all and comprehended the pain she'd caused, and then she cried. Oh, Lord, what have I done?

The next morning, Lucas and Miranda met at the Queen of Hearts to share breakfast on the balcony together before he was to head into the office to tie up loose ends before their trip the next day. Despite having a rocky beginning, over the past several weeks, they had forged a comfortable friendship and enjoyed conversing and sharing on a variety of subjects. He grew to trust her and to confide in her, and, in so doing, albeit unintentionally, caused her to have feelings for him.

Miranda saw the struggles that Lucas dealt with, the woundedness that lay underneath that pleasant exterior, and she wanted to make him happy. In fact, she knew, more than he did, that much of what plagued him revolved around one element. He still loved Elizabeth Thornton. But, for Bell, who was a stranger to the kind of love Lucas had, this fact was not an undefeatable obstacle. With enough support, with enough acceptance, she could help him to move past all of that and heal and maybe, perhaps, to love again.

And so, making Lucas happy became her singular goal. She flattered him and gave him attention unlike he'd ever had. And she made no demands of him, appealing to his playful side while always reinforcing the fact there was life outside of Hope Valley, encouraging him to dream. And she was somewhat successful, she thought. They had fun while they were together. He smiled and even laughed as they engaged in harmless misadventures, bringing out the child in him that had long been buried.

For Lucas, it felt good to be with her, if, for no other reason than it felt he had a friend – one that understood him and accepted him for who he was. She seems to know me, he thought. Perhaps true love could come? Though their relationship was purely platonic, Bouchard genuinely considered moving on with Miranda and leaving his town behind until the morning they were to leave, and he saw Elizabeth hugging Nathan outside of the Mountie Station. It appeared she was crying. And even though he believed it was over between himself and her, everything within him longed to comfort her, to hold her, to kiss her tears away.

Miranda observed the interaction, her eyes traveling between Bouchard and the scene in front of the Mountie office, and she reached for him, knowing in an instant what he was thinking.

"Lucas…"

Bouchard's head turned toward her, and they gazed at one another in silent understanding for several seconds. And then she bowed her head.

"This is not going to work, is it?" she asked before looking up.

Lucas shook his head. "No," he said, nervously raising his fingers to his forehead and massaging it a second before returning his gaze toward her. "I'm sorry."

Miranda graciously nodded and smiled a soft but warm smile, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for being honest. I've enjoyed our time together, and I wish you everything your heart desires."

Looking out toward the sky, he inhaled strongly and then smiled a sardonic smile. "I'm afraid that's not possible, but I appreciate the sentiment."

She raised her hand and touched his cheek, regaining his attention. "Don't sell yourself short, Lucas Bouchard, and don't give up hope. There's a happy future out there for you somewhere. You just have to be patient."

He chuckled at the irony.

Miranda stood and Lucas followed, glancing behind him toward the street and finding Elizabeth and Nathan were gone. With an ache in his heart, he turned and walked inside.

Rosemary Coulter had just finished dropping her daughter Goldie off with Opal Weise when she ran into Elizabeth, walking briskly down the middle of the street, her hands over her mouth. Calling out to her, Coulter broke out into a jog when Elizabeth didn't answer, catching up with her just before Thornton reached her front door.

Shaking, Elizabeth fumbled with the key to her house, seemingly unable to insert it into the lock.

"Here, let me," Rosemary said, snatching the item from her hand and opening the door, then turning to her friend. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

A tearful Thornton again ignored her friend, resolved instead to enter her house and shut herself in. Falling onto the settee, the schoolteacher began to wail in anguish, pulling her knees toward her chest and rocking slightly in place.

"Oh! Oh, dear!" Rosemary said, raising her hand to her chest as her frenzied eyes looked around the house for something to help. "There! Over there! I'll make us some tea."

Inexplicably, that pronouncement caused Thornton to cry harder, if that were possible, but a diligent Coulter continued on, returning in a few short minutes with a cup of tea with milk and sugar, just like Elizabeth liked it.

Sitting down on the sofa next to her, she reached out and touched Elizabeth's back, encouraging her friend to partake. "Here. Sit up and drink. Tell me what's happened."

After some time, Thornton's reddened eyes turned toward Coulter, and she hiccuped out a sob, shaking her head while she clutched a pillow. "I've ruined everything!" she exclaimed, her tear-streaked face contorted and red, displaying an agony like Rosemary had not seen since Jack died. In truth, Elizabeth's state scared her.

"Now, now. I'm sure it's not that bad…"

"Rosemary, I've lost him. And it's all my fault."

"Nathan?" Coulter asked, looking confused, though she wasn't entirely as she had picked up on the tension between the pair several weeks earlier.

Elizabeth shook her head no.

"Then, who?" she asked, her mind eager to determine what had caused her friend's distress. Then, it dawned on her. "Lucas."

Elizabeth shook, nodding her head yes, and Coulter leaned back in her seat. Exhaling, she considered the situation but, for once in her life, felt she was somewhat at a loss to comment. They had been here before, Rosemary in Elizabeth's living room, comforting her. It was two years prior. Only then their conversation involved Thornton's struggle with marrying her then fiancé Lucas Bouchard – a discussion which resulted in a broken engagement two weeks before the pair was to marry.

Coulter had been there, as well, as Elizabeth and Nathan came together, creating a make-shift family of four and had seen their comfort with one another. And, while it was true Elizabeth never had the passion with Nathan that she had with Lucas, she thought that they were well-suited – especially since if she married Nathan, that would keep Elizabeth living next door to her - but marrying Lucas might take her far away – or seemingly far, though in retrospect, the edge of town did not seem that far. But was that Elizabeth's true desire, or was it Rosemary's?

Oh, my, she thought. Did I push her in the wrong direction because I wanted to keep her near? Nervously, Coulter pondered the thought quickly, concluding that possibly she had directed her friend to yield to her confused feelings, encouraging her to make a decision that changed her life forever– all so she would be happy, right? Or so she would stay? It was something Coulter would think about later, but for now, she knew she needed to be there for her friend, to listen to her, and hopefully offer her some sage advice to release her from the burden she now faced.

"Talk to me," Rosemary said, reaching for her friend, whose sobs had quietened down.

Elizabeth looked toward her with sadness and shook her head. "He wasn't safe," she said. "He was never safe."

"What do you mean?" Rosemary asked, trying to hear her more than speak. "Lucas wasn't?"

"Lucas was kind, and thoughtful, and giving and he loved me more, perhaps, than anyone ever has. And even though I loved him too, I knew that marrying him meant risking my heart again, risking getting hurt again, risking loss."

"And going to Nathan, didn't?" Rosemary asked, leaning forward to touch her arm for encouragement.

Elizabeth pondered the thought. "Not in the same way. Nathan told me yesterday that he was taking another job, a job in Edmonton."

"Really?" Rosemary asked, surprised.

Elizabeth nodded. "He's being promoted to inspector."

"I didn't know," Rosemary said. "How did you feel about that?"

"I was shocked," she replied, looking down toward the floor. "But then, part of me felt…relief. It wasn't that I didn't love him, but the constant stress of knowing that he could go out on a mission and get killed held me back from giving him my full heart…that, and something else."

"Lucas?" she asked, knowing where this was going.

Elizabeth looked solemnly at Rosemary and shook her head.

"But you did what you thought was best."

"I did what I thought was safe," she said. "Rosemary, as our wedding grew closer, all I could think of was when I had gotten married before and how short-lived that was, and knowing how deeply I loved Lucas…"

"You couldn't bear the thought of that happening again," Coulter responded -to which Elizabeth nodded yes.

"In trying to protect myself, I destroyed the one chance at happiness I may ever have and hurt the most loving and precious man I've ever known. And now, I've lost him forever," she said as tears began to flow again.

Rosemary moved toward her, wrapping her arms around her and patting her on the shoulder. "It's okay. We all make mistakes."

"But he's leaving," Elizabeth responded, looking up at her friend. "He and Miss Bell are traveling to Capitol City in the morning. He's going to meet her family – I think to ask for her hand."

"Oh," Coulter responded, her eyebrows raising with surprise.

Rosemary considered her words and considered the interactions she had seen between Lucas and Miranda. They were friendly, that was for sure, but were they that close? It was, of course, none of her business – but her friend's tears compelled her to respond.

"It would surprise me if he's going to propose," she replied. "I mean, they're close…"

"They've traveled together."

"On business."

Elizabeth gave Rosemary a pointed look, and Coulter sighed. "Alright. But, if you're feeling this way, perhaps you should speak with him before he leaves."

"And say what?"

"Tell him how you're feeling. It could bring you some resolution. And then, at least, you'd know."

Elizabeth reached for the tea, now cold, and took a sip, staring out into the room. "I've already done so much," she said, considering the pain she had caused him. "If Lucas and Miranda truly are happy together, what right do I have?"

"Well, something has kept him in Hope Valley," Coulter responded. "You need to talk."

"And if he turns me away?" Elizabeth asked.

"That's a possibility, I suppose," she responded. "But isn't true love worth the risk?"