April 11, 1998

Sex was a way to both feel things and pass time; it was a way confirm what we already knew. We loved each other and it was hard to leave the house for anything more than work or getting food. Nothing in this was transactional, it was... really just easier to bury ourselves in it than the reality that we lived in where we had no freedom.

There was nothing stale or tried in this, Percy had mapped me and marked me with memories of his touch and whispered praise against my skin. He called me beautiful at several points as his lips drifted slowly up from between my quivering legs to whisper words I could not make sense of in the state I was in. It was just the kind of thing that refused to make sense to my sex addled mind. Really there was actually nothing going on in there. My mind was a blank canvas that only acknowledged my shivering, weakened limbs and how heavy my body felt as my soul felt like it was being plucked like the strings of a harp.

When I came back to myself, Percy was propped up over me, carefully avoiding my hair. All wry, teasing sort of smiles that managed to be both boastful and a little bit shy the longer I looked at him. It's always strangely intimate to see him without his glasses, there was a privilege in that level of vulnerability that moved me.

"Welcome back."

I sighed quietly and reached over to hold his wrist with one hand while my other hand moved down to grip the quilt that had come to be bunched at my waist and potentially entangled with my nightgown between my bellybutton and my ribs.

He had pretty eyes.

"It was a good trip."

Percy chuckled.

He really has no right to be so perfect, well, close it. He does snore.

It's so silly to be so encompassed and vulnerable with another person. We have these long-involved talks about the future, where we want to live, which relatives we are not inviting to the wedding as things currently stand and who are getting invitations. We have been inside each other's minds, seeing the places we spent our childhoods. Percy had essentially given me a tour of Hogwarts this way, but I still was convinced Ilvermorny was superior in design as I felt it was easier to navigate, a point I was happy to try and prove to him over the last couple of weeks as we tried to mentally go anywhere else. I had taken several walks through Hogwarts at this point following a teenaged Percy in pursuit of his twin brothers and their mischief. The beautiful view from the Astronomy Tower to gaze at stars that made no sense to me, the warm, lush reds of the Gryffindor Common Room, a particular Transfiguration lesson with the stern Professor McGonagall and through several different corridors that led to down a moving staircase to the Great Hall of the castle where the candles floated above and the sky showed the weather beyond the thick grey walls.

I came back to the present as Percy leaned back on his knees and allowed his hands to come down to my thighs and behind my knees. I giggled breathlessly as I was pulled down the bed slightly and my legs were guided to Percy's waist where I happily tightened them around him as his hands gripped my hips.

There was something nagging at the back of my mind, something I wanted...

"Percy?"

"Yes, darling?"

I looked him again and let the rush of feelings and impulsivity run away with tongue.

"Maybe you should lay down?"

"Hm?"

I pressed my knee gently to his side with a smile. "Trust me."

It took a moment consisting of a blank stare and mild confusion before his brain began to process my suggestion. I sat up and put my hands on his shoulders to guide him along as his brain seemed to stop for a few moments. Once his head hit the pillow the reality of my proposal seemed to begin to sink in.

"Oh, I trust you." Percy's face was flushed and pink which contrasted harshly with his hair, which one of his hands had begun to run itself through. He breathed out slowly and closed his eyes as I straddled his hips, my anxieties coming into my mind, not solely out of nerves, but wanting to do this well. I was chasing more than just my own satisfaction, I wanted to see Percy's.

There was something powerful in this, something I found awkward and different from our usual engagements. The way his breathing quickened, his hands moving up to cover his face in embarrassment, muffling his quiet gasps and shivery breaths. No, I wanted to hear him.

I moved my hands from his chest to loosely grip his wrists with a breathless laugh as he tried to stay hidden from me another moment longer before acquiescing to my desires.

Percy had never been a difficult man to tempt.

"Alright?"

He nodded, looking up at me with his pink cheeks and darkened eyes.

I took a deep breath and began to pull my nightgown upwards, revealing more of my skin to the cool air of the room. I watched a muscle flutter in Percy's neck for a moment and the gown removal slowed for a few seconds as I slowed down to watch him bite his lip for a sliver of a moment. I let my nightgown fall down slightly.

Percy sighed and rolled his eyes playfully, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Tease."

"You make it so easy."

I finally pulled my nightgown over my head and threw it into the corner of the room.

"The view's fantastic," Percy managed to respond, seeming to be trying to sit up and come closer before catching sight of my expression and allowing himself to relax as much as he was able, a clear hunger in his eyes. "Well worth the wait."

"Mine's better." I let my eyes drift slowly over him, taking in the finer details of him as his face grew red and he glanced off into a corner of our room for a moment to collect his thoughts at the compliment. He's a bit of a work of art in a quiet sort of way, not that I'm biased in any way! The sinewy lines of him enraptured me and I wondered if I had ever seen that particular freckle on his inner arm before... "Honestly, you're very handsome."

My face was so warm that I was sure I was lighting up the room. I trailed my fingers down his sides, enjoying the warmth of him and the way everything under his skin seemed to jump to my touch. I leaned forward and moved my hands over his chest slowly, feeling the rapid beating of her heart and tracing his collarbone with the tips of my fingers.

"We should find you some glasses."

"I didn't know you were into that too."

I was not going to engage in his self-deprecation, I preferred his bemused laughter and the moments of near silence that followed. It was easy to be quiet and feel everything and let my thoughts fall away to this simple present of togetherness.

Percy sat up suddenly, pressing his chest to mine as he kissed me and took as much control of this situation as he could. A hand in my hair and the other under me to set a pace that was slow and hungry. It was easy for me to relax into this. He was so warm and teasing as he kissed me and letting all of this fall into place for an inevitable, pursued conclusion.

We were silent for a time breathing each other in as our fingers drifted over our skin as we came down from the highs and breathlessness our exertion and wonder of this thing that existed between us. Percy was mouthing something against my neck that I could not hear until he moved his way up to my ear and I could hear his mindless whisper of "I love you."

I moved my hand into his hair, messing it further in ways I could not see as Percy's arms tightened at my waist. One hand moving back down to squeeze my bottom affectionately before sliding down my thigh which made me giggle at the ticklish sensation. Percy caught his breath and moved away from my neck for a moment, leaving me feeling slightly bereft, despite the rest of him pressing against me and keeping me warm. I wiggled slightly in his lap to move my hands to his face as he kissed me in a tired, languid, messy sort of way that usually occurred after sex.

I pulled away after a moment, my hair falling forward slightly as I rested my forehead against his. "I love you too." I traced his jaw with my fingers and looked into his eyes, my face somehow growing warmer despite everything that had transpired over the last several minutes and all of the closeness we already experienced in the preceding moments.

There was a torrent of laughter from me as Percy suddenly rolled us onto the bed, the pair of us limp, exhausted and entangled together, reluctant to be the first to pull away. I stretched my arms over my head to remind my body how to move again.

"That was brilliant," Percy's voice was low with a youthful wonder to it that reminded me for a moment that we were not as old as we felt some days. "You're brilliant!"

I made an agreeable noise and sat up, I was in no hurry to look for my nightgown or a house coat. That would come later when the pleasurable shivers finally stopped.

I looked down at the dishevelled Percy, admiring the way his hair was arrayed in multiple directions and how soft he looked with his eyes closed and a contented smile on his face. Yes, I think I can put that on the list of things we enjoy, even if it takes a bit of time for me to let go of the initial idea of feeling like a display piece. Percy covered his face for a moment with tired noise before sitting up and peeking over at me. He kissed me quickly before managing to get out of bed, put on his discarded underwear before passing another glance at me over his shoulder with a wondering, almost shy sort of smile.

It was time I put my house coat on. I was going to use the bathroom when Percy came back and then go have something to drink. Percy was going to come back and just go to sleep.

When Percy came back, he did exactly as I predicted, kissing me again and falling into bed with a contented sigh immediately followed by his usual quiet snoring. I covered him with a blanket, tucking him in because I was in a doting sort of mindset, before leaving the room at last to use the bathroom and have a drink of water.

I left the bathroom, indulging in my thoughts about the flat being pleasantly quiet at night, no noise from the neighbors or the surrounding city blocks around us. It was a nice, quiet part of London. I'm sure the silencing charms we had put on the place helped as well.

I took a sip of cold water and leaned against the kitchen counter.

Yep. I feel very accomplished. Very sated and very self-impressed. Go me!

There was a sudden tapping at the window. I turned towards the noise. I knew it was not Hermes, he had gone out a couple of hours ago and would not be back until precisely six in the morning. He had a perch down the block in the park where I assumed he ate smaller birds.

The bird in the window was dark like a shadow.

"Erebus?"

Alex's raven tapped again at the window, tilting his head to look at me while opening his mouth to make an aggressive croaking noise.

I set my tea down on the table and opened the window to let the raven in. Erebus promptly flew to Hermes' vacant perch to gulp down some water, leaving a sloppy mess behind as the extra water fell to the floor below. There was no letter on his leg.

"What's wrong?" I stepped towards the bird on shaking legs. "I know Alex didn't send you."

Erebus took another drink and opened his mouth, but what came out was not the croaky call of a raven, but that of a man. A perfect mimic to a voice I barely knew, but recognized despite the croaky whisper.

"Help me!"

Alex's voice.

"Help me!"

I felt unbalanced despite standing still in the center of the room.

"Please!"

Alex never begged. Never pleaded.

"Where is he?"

Erebus fluffed his feathers and began to hop about in clear distress. I noticed the ruffled feathers at his wing. It was like something, or someone, had tried to grab him.

Ravens were unique messengers. They had great intelligence and a grasp of language and mimicry, but ravens exposed to magic could carry longer messages inside their minds. It was flawed, but a useful sort of gift if one requires privacy and secrecy.

Erebus, ever faithful, had been ordered away. He had been sent to me...

Alex...

My brother...

"Erebus!" I whispered while I wanted to scream. "Where is Alex?"

The bird took a drink of water before taking a few more hops about the perch. Clearly distressed and trying to find the words buried inside of him. Even magically enhanced ravens had a limit on their vocabulary.

"Erebus, please!"

The raven clicked his beak three times as he tried to find his voice.

My mind whirred and panic set in. I needed to think. There were ways to get clear messages from a raven, hell, where's my wand?

I found my wand in the pocket of my robe and put out my arm for Erebus, who quickly alighted upon it, dribbling water remnants from his drink onto my sleeve. He knew what I wanted and tilted his head back to show me his throat, opening his beak wide in preparation. I placed the tip of my wand against it, trying not to shake to badly as I whispered the incantation.

"Vox!"

From Erebus' mouth came the words of my brother, whispered and hurried and pained.

"Aud, find Shaw! Undercroft! Help me!"

His voice faded and the room was silent once more.

The weight of the world settled on my shoulders. I knew what I needed to do and the thought filled me with dread. I needed to... By the Twelve, I needed to track down Alex, one last time. I had no address, one lead and a ticking clock.

I needed to settle my affairs here before I left.

I set Erebus down and tried to collect my thoughts. The bird was tired and needed rest and food.

"Erebus," I took a trembling breath. "I need you to rest here, leave at sunrise and go to Lucinda's house. You remember Lucinda?"

Erebus made an approving noise.

"Good. After you deliver the message, go to Thalia and tell her what you told Lucinda. Then stay there." I pressed my wand to Erebus' throat once more. Collecting my thoughts. "Vox Reptere!" I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "Lead on Alex. Pursuing."

Erebus parroted my words back to me, his voice imitating mine almost perfectly.

I set him back on the perch to continue eating Hermes' food and drinking his water. Erebus would do as I said, the bird had no love for me, but he knew what his job was.

My quill and parchment flew into my hands from the office and I had so much I needed to say.

First, a small note for Lucinda to confirm that I had sent Erebus along with the spell to hear the message I had instilled in Erebus. I wrote a second note to Thalia, informing her of the same, I assumed she already knew how to get messages from Erebus.

My hands were shaking as I took the third piece of parchment and I vowed that this would be the last time I went chasing after Alex. Elihu was right, it was time I chose my life over that of other people, but I needed this. I needed to prove to myself that Alex was not too far gone for redemption. That he had not been sucked into this madness of loyalty to a maniac and if he truly had been, then maybe he had come to his senses.

I took a deep breath and inked my quill.

Dear Percy,

I took a deep breath, words of love and promises of a future that had no guarantee. Senseless feelings that overwhelmed me. Fear for Alex. Love for Percy. Regret at the decision I had made to put one over the other in a way I had long dreaded – even if those were thoughts that stayed far from my mind.

I have word of my brother.

Merlin! Why was this so hard?

Please know that I love you and I will return to you as soon as I can. Then we can leave this country and spend the rest of our lives anywhere else.

I may never see Percy again. I may die in pursuit of Alex and his foolhardy decisions, but I... Alex was my brother. He was a foolish, cruel sort of brother, but I loved him in ways that had driven me across the world to see him again.

All my love,

Audrey

It was everything and nothing I wanted to say. I wished I could write seamless declarations, words of love that could transcend time and distance and loneliness. If I had time, perhaps I could be more eloquent and- Alex needed me. I needed to leave before I had a chance to change my mind.

I had stored an overnight bag in the hall closet, it was packed and ready so we could leave at a moments notice. It had some potion vials, a few changes of clothes and some paperwork, namely my MUSA and MUK passports and some forged documentation that Percy had drafted and stamped with official, new identities for whatever new life we needed to pursue. We decided to choose names later, instead picking ridiculous ones for sad efforts at humor, I thought Anne Chovie was a good cover name. It would be a shame if I never got to use it.

I decided taking my MUK would be easier, it was insurance for me as if Percy had to leave without me, he would have an easier time getting into Europe and I could travel there easier under refugee protocols – no one would regard me with suspicion if I had my UK passport. I left my MUSA for Percy as insurance of my return.

The clothes were fine. A practical and weatherproof cloak that did not look too different from some of the No-Maj clothing I had seen on the streets over the past weeks. If one looked closely, these muggles had a very whimsical style in some ways that were like wizards. Only wix had a tendency to an almost shameless flamboyancy and sparkle as if we were peacocks on display. I stepped into the bathroom to change out of my bathrobe and into some practical clothes, a grey robe and pants that were more practical than my usual work robes.

I lingered at the bedroom door, should I open it and tell him goodbye? No. I shook with the desire of it, but if I went to his arms, I would never leave and the question of Alex would nag and pester at me. Something pulled me away from the door for the final time, encouraging me to put my cloak on and pick up my bag. It could have been my own will or the sense of madness that often lingered around me these days.

The front door loomed over me. All promises of return and safety while the world beyond offered danger and answers. I fixed the wand holster at my arm under the sleeve of my robes, hidden, but close.

This would be the last time I chose Alex – I was never his protector and I could not keep chasing him through his bad choices. I loved him, some part of me had let him go after our duel, but the rest of me held onto hope that he needed help to get out, that he had seen the error of his ways. That he could find his way out of his own mess.

I put on my shoes and opened the door, praying to whatever forces governed the world that I would return here again.

Oo0Oo0

Author's Note: So... We've had some real highs and lows in here. How are we all doing? :)

Caza - Thank you! You've sailed through this monster, I hope the coming chapters meet all you expectations. :D