notes:
inspired by "Could Have" (webcomix) because I love the hurt—and Ben 10, obviously.
this might be considered set in the Little Moments universe because a "certain" event happened...
I. Xenon.
He could have kissed her for the first time then, just to calm her nerves after escaping death. Though it was more about calming his own, because the thought of losing her was terrifying.
So much that tears welled in his eyes at the sight of her before Ben even realized it, and boy weren't supposed to cry—Gwen was the one who should be crying. She was the one who had suffered because of his failure (selfishness, ignorance). She was the one who sacrificed herself to save him.
It should have been me, it should have been me
"What would you do without me?" she said, folding her arms and looking every bit as smug as the dweeb she was. Even if she acted like that to hide the trembling in her hands.
He could have kissed her then, just a light touch of skin against skin, to reassure himself that she was still whole, warm, and alive.
"Sure am glad I don't have to find out."
But this was the first time she looked at him without any hint of annoyance, just pure empathy, and that was nothing compared to the usual scowls and glares she gave him. Would she have turned away in surprise? Confusion? Horror at the sudden touch, or even disdain and disgust? He would never recover if that happened.
So, he didn't.
II. Corsage
Or, he could have kissed her in that field, surrounded by fragrant flowers basking in the summer sun. For the first time since that battle in space, they were able to relax, just like ordinary kids should.
He'd learned that she loved corsages, and thought it would be the most romantic gesture if someone gave her a purple one on prom day. He stuck out his tongue like he was ready to gag, and she chuckled, a sound as light as the rare clouds that seldom graced a sunny day like this. A beautiful day with the prettiest girl he had ever known (not that he'd ever admit it). Everything was perfect. Ben could dream about that moment for the rest of his life.
But because every night he would wake up with a start, realizing that she had been screaming in her sleep. She couldn't escape that nightmare—and probably never would. Guilt gnawed at him, and Ben was sure she'd push him away if he so much as leaned forward.
So, he didn't.
III. Goodbye and Good Riddance
Or, he could have kissed her as a farewell that day. Their summer had come to an end, along with all the joyful and bittersweet memories they had shared. It was a summer that had changed everything between them, and Ben knew he wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully without holding her close—feeling her steady breaths and heartbeat. I'm here, each pulse seemed to whisper to him.
He wondered if she'd be okay, waking up alone every night in a dark room instead of the cramped bunk of the Rust Bucket. All she had to do was say the word, and he'd come to her every night—he didn't care if they lived on opposite sides of the city or if he was grounded. He'd find a way.
Her emerald eyes met his in a silent exchange; they both knew sentimental goodbyes weren't their thing.
"From superhero back to plain old super-geek. Have fun back at school." Gwen teased, her tone light.
"Well, there's one good thing about my school," he retorted with a nonchalant shrug, "you don't go there!"
That was his most (terrible lie) favorite comeback so far.
"So, I guess I'll smell ya around," they both said in unison, their foreheads bumping as they glared at each other. A habit they'd formed because joking was easier than being honest about their feelings (they'd fall apart). From this close, Ben noticed the faint freckles strewn across her cheeks. He could have kissed her then, just by inching a little closer.
"I'd say I'd miss you, but..." he felt his voice intertwine with hers, "I wouldn't want to lie."
So he didn't.
IV. The Funeral
Or, he could have kissed her that day in the rain. Nobody would have seen them. She had run away under the falling raindrops—running away from the adults in black clothes and sorrowful faces, running away from the tombstone with the name Kenny—a child who never came into this world. Ben had run after her almost immediately, his world blurring under the heavy raindrops with no cover, only her small figure guided his steps as he chased her. He wondered what her world looked like at that moment.
He found her hidden beneath the thick trunk of the tree that provided shelter. He knelt down beside her, watching the strongest girl he knew fall apart in tears. They sat close together, ensuring they stayed within the dry patch beneath the branches. Her knee pressed against his, and her sobs mingled with the patter of raindrops around them.
He could have kissed away her tears, soothed her pain, and care nothing about whether she approved. Not that he needed her approval—or wanted it, not after he'd dashed into the rain and feared to death he'd lost her too.
But she buried her face in his chest, her trembling hands clutching the labels of his black suit. He felt the fabric soaking up the sound of her sobs. He had no idea what to do, (Omnitrix), he couldn't protect her. He couldn't protect the unborn child. All he could do was hold her tightly to prevent himself from falling apart.
His eyes searched the grey sky for a sign from the angel who had abandoned her. An ill-timed declaration of love wouldn't fix her shattered world, least of all this one.
So, he didn't.
V. The Happiest day.
Or, he could have kissed her the moment he noticed the way Kevin Levin looked at her.
He recognized that look all too well; it mirrored his own, which didn't make it any less painful to watch. He and Gwen were still the same, older now, part of a trio. That meant another pair of eyes to admire her smiles, another pair of hands reaching out to protect her—not that she needed it, but that didn't stop them from wanting to anyway.
He was her cousin, not her boyfriend. He knew he had no right to step in or confess his feelings—not to her, and certainly not to Kevin. It wasn't even a competition, and he had learned to keep his mouth shut and bury his feelings for far too long.
So he was the one who told Kevin she loved corsages—purple ones, because she thought they were the most romantic gesture for prom day.
So he was the one who lent Kevin a black suit, tied his tie for him. Because if someone was going to hold her hand and lead her across the dance floor, they should at least look the part.
He told himself this was okay—he'd always known it was bound to happen someday. They were family, and that was never going to change, but she wasn't going to stay by his side forever.
He told himself this was okay—at least he could still stand by the aisle, not too close but not too far either, watching her (the prettiest girl in his life) in that beautiful wedding dress. He applauded as she held hands with his best friend, their eyes filled with affection for each other. Ben knew his eyes reflected the same admiration.
He could have kissed her then, Ben thought, a light brush against her cheek to wish her the best.
He kissed her on the happiest day of her life.
notes:
wanted to write something angsty for my own suffering, and oh, didn't I suffer—
this is the ending I imagine would happen if Ben never confess his love in "Late Night Visitor." In fact, I made LNV a sequel to this fic! If you haven't check it out, I recommend that you do, it's still angsty but definitely not on this level...