Chapter Twenty-Two
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A bonfire in the center of the village holds back the ink black of night. Damara's festival is far from over. Music and laughter continue unabated. People celebrate by eating, drinking, and dancing to their heart's content.
A few commemorate the occasion a bit differently.
It starts with a playful glance between a couple. They may be married, or perhaps they are without a mate and caught each other's eye only tonight. No matter when or how they met, the outcome is nearly always the same. They share a suggestive smile, sneak in a few whispered words, and together they leave the festivities behind. In the comfort of their bed, they use their bodies to honor the Goddess of Fertility.
I never would have believed before tonight that Ewar and I would be among them.
With my lips still tingling from the kisses we shared, he and I weave our way through the throng of festivalgoers. His grip on my hand is firm. There is no chance of us separating. When we get past the crowd, he makes a pitstop at the fire and lights the end of a cattail. It had previously been soaking in animal fat, so it flames up quickly.
Using this ready-made torch, he guides us through the darkness toward his home. My foot still manages to find an unseen obstacle in our path - a rock protruding from the ground. Before I go tumbling down, Ewar catches me around the middle. I am pressed against his side. Even when the danger of falling has passed, he does not relinquish his hold.
The world spins around the two of us. I don't know if I am dizzy due to the alcohol in my system, my "almost" fall, or the fact Ewar is holding me so close.
His shoulder becomes a resting place for my head. I think it may belong there. As he walks us along, a giggle works its way from my throat. He echoes my amusement. There's a giddiness in my heart. It feels light as a feather.
I hope he feels it too.
By an unspoken agreement, we go on separate missions after we enter the dark confines of his house. He moves to the hearth to start a fire. I take charge of closing the entrance. It is important that we not be disturbed tonight. Yet, all we have is an animal skin to cover the entryway. If there was ever a time when I wished for the existence of an actual door, it is now. Undaunted, I work with what I have. Several well-placed knots should keep the entrance secure from prying eyes.
My task is finished well before his. I watch as he uses the cattail torch to ignite a pile of twigs and dried moss. In turn, the fire spreads to the logs. He feeds the flames, coaxing them to grow and multiply.
Within minutes, the entire room is bathed in soft warm light. Ewar rises from the ground and turns away from the hearth. The fire illuminates him from behind. It reddens his hair and casts his face in partial shadow. Light flickers across his skin, giving him an otherworldly glow.
How on earth was I ever confused as being a goddess? If anyone is blessed with godly attributes, it's Ewar.
Suddenly, I feel unworthy. He is too beautiful, too wonderful for the likes of me. I resort to hovering near the entrance, unsure of what to do next. He no longer smiles. Nor does he chuckle. This intimidates me further... until I take note of his gaze.
It is heated.
His eyes rival the flames behind him. He wants me. I can see it plain as day. But he isn't one to push. If I changed my mind about this - about him - he would back down and let me go to sleep unmolested.
So, he only stares, waiting to see what my decision will be tonight.
His patience is my aphrodisiac.
Unable to look away from him, I untie the belt from around my waist. The dress crumbles around my feet.
His breath catches in his throat. He had not expected that.
I make my way across the room. He seems to be having trouble keeping focus on my face. Several times I catch his eyes drifting down my exposed body before fleeing upward again.
His reaction is empowering. Maybe I am worthy of his notice after all.
I come to a stop in front of him. He doesn't immediately pounce as I had expected. All he does is stand there, caressing me with only his eyes. Occasionally, his fingers twitch at his sides. Otherwise, he doesn't make a move.
Why isn't he doing anything? Has he lost his nerve like I did only moments earlier?
I seek out his hand and place it against my cheek. "Touch me. Please."
He wets his lips and steps closer. I have to lift my chin in order to maintain eye contact, but it is worth it. Both of his hands come to cradle my face. He holds it gently, as though I might shatter.
I am made from tougher stuff than that.
Rising on the tips of my toes, I kiss him hard. The spell breaks. Something deep inside of him awakens. His fingers tangle themselves in my hair. His tongue slips into my mouth and plays a devilish game. One second it caresses; the next it dominates. He takes over completely. I can barely stand on my own two feet from what he puts me through.
I am not complaining.
In a moment of clarity, I recall that only one of us is properly attired (i.e., wearing nothing at all). I pull back enough to check what is in the way. He gives a questioning look in return. Instead of explaining, I place my hands flat against his upper torso. They slide over his toned physique, across his navel, and through the dusting of hair down below. When I reach his leather trousers, one tug tells him exactly what is on my mind.
He doesn't waste time getting them undone. They are pushed down his legs, bunched into a ball, and thrown across the room. Only his loincloth remains. This is where he hesitates. During our many months stuck in one another's company, he learned to never get completely naked in front of me. It was considerate of him then. Now... not so much.
My finger grazes the edge of the offending garment. My eyes, however, never leave his face.
"Off."
One word from my lips and he obeys. He unwraps the cloth from around his hips. It takes flight soon afterward. I can't help but look down. I am rewarded with a sight that sends tingles of desire through my body. If I had any lingering doubts about his attraction to me, they are gone now for good.
His mouth reclaims mine. I lose myself to the sensation. How long it lasts, I couldn't say. The next time I am made aware of our surroundings, the two of us are in bed. I don't know how we got here. And frankly, I don't care. We are exactly where I want to be.
He hovers above me, lavishing open-mouthed kisses on my neck. Still, he is too far away. My leg hooks around him, dragging him closer to where I ache. I can feel him there, thick and hard. Dazed and desperate, my hips move on their own. He groans at the contact and reciprocates. We take pleasure in rocking against one another, satisfied with that for the time being.
All is well until something stone-cold lands on my chest.
Gasping, I break away from his lips to investigate. I come to find his Damara pendant on top of my left nipple. It sits there, as though she is judging our performance.
I let out a giggle at the ridiculous thought. Ewar's eyes dart to where I am looking. Gradually, a smile works its way up one side of his face. But it is no ordinary smile. It is predatory.
My breath is stolen when he replaces the pendant on my bare breast with his own mouth.
He teases and sucks, nips and bites. I never know what to expect. His fingers are busy as well. It's as though he is memorizing every nook and curve. He begins his exploration with my ribcage and continues down. Even the spots I would normally find ticklish are aroused.
But as much as his touch tantalizes, it also drives me nuts.
"Ewar."
The desperation in my voice persuades him to look up from between my thighs. His eyes are half-wild, green as the forest where I first found him. He slides up my body sensuously, pausing at my belly along the way. He delves down to give a languid lick across that salty expanse of skin.
I am a shivering mess by the time he is above my face again. His lips tempt me with their proximity. "You want?"
"Yes," I reply breathlessly. "I want."
He seals my answer with one more kiss.
There is no sting or discomfort. Our joining is easy as breathing. Every touch, every movement is magnified by ten.
There is something between Ewar and me. I can feel it, more now than ever. I had heard there was a difference between sex and making love. Based on my limited dating past, I didn't find much evidence of the theory.
Now I see. Now I understand.
It is overwhelming need mixed with deep affection. Your minds are connected along with your bodies. When you truly care for someone, their pleasure becomes your own, and vice versa. I am certain no one has ever brought out these feelings in me before. Yet, it is strangely familiar too. In his arms, he makes me believe we could fly to the heavens and back if we wanted.
And fly we do.
He sends me higher and higher, until my vision goes white. I go weightless in his arms from the sheer power of it. But more amazing is what has happened to my heart. It is so full, it is ready to burst.
When I regain my sight, I am overcome by the man above me. His gaze is heavy. Sweat clings to his brow. His mouth settles by my ear.
"Nu-ut-ta assiyani," he whispers raggedly.
The words are new to me. I don't have the mental facilities in this moment to ask for a translation. Calloused fingers dig themselves into my hips. His movements have hypnotized me into a stupor. Rough and out of sync, they somehow intensify the experience.
A grunt rumbles from deep within him, signaling the end.
He collapses but uses his elbows to keep from crushing me. His forehead connects with mine, so close that we breathe in each other's air. A sense of peace settles around us. Filled with endorphins and dazed contentment, a lone thought passes through my head.
I won't be a bit surprised if bruises pop up on my skin tomorrow.
One can only hope.
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He and I fall asleep.
We do not rest for long.
We come together again and again throughout the night. I can't say exactly how it started, but I have a hunch that I was the instigator every single time. It's as though I sought him out even in my dreams. One time I woke up in the midst of pleasuring him with my mouth. Judging by the noises he was making, he didn't mind.
At some point, we succumb to exhaustion and fall into deep sleep. Hours pass in the sort of dreamy bliss that is usually associated with recreational drug use. It isn't until a ray of sunlight shines directly in my face that I am brought back to my senses.
A body is pressed against my back. An arm is thrown possessively around my waist. Warm breaths tickle the tiny hairs on the nape of my neck.
It is clear that I am not alone in bed.
In the past, this would be the point when I would realize I had made a mistake. I was never one to go for the hookup lifestyle. I yearned for a relationship built on trust, affection, and respect. Inevitably, some guy would come riding up on his figurative white horse, hinting he was exactly what I had been waiting for. But the harsh light of morning nearly always brought out the truth.
Prince Charming never existed. The guy I went to bed with was just a frog in disguise - one who wouldn't understand the word monogamous even if he had a dictionary.
That isn't the case today. I have no regrets.
I get an urge to check on the guy currently spooning me. I turn to face him. Ewar's eyelids are shut, still lost in dreamland. He looks more attractive than he has a right to be so early in the morning. His lips are partially open, begging for my attention. A couple of days' worth of stubble graces his jaw.
He releases a sigh when I brush my fingers against the scruff.
I smile. The power of my touch affected him even in his sleep.
As I lay there, daydreams pop into my head. To think, this could be how every morning goes. Ewar holding me in his arms. Me kissing him awake. A smile spreads across his face upon seeing me. And then...
The possibilities are endless.
A stray lock of hair falls in front of my eye, preventing me from concentrating on my fantasies. I go to move it out of the way, but the normally smooth texture is oddly frizzy. Alarmed, I sit up to check the situation. My hair is a tousled mess, to put it mildly. The braids Alie put in are loose and untidy due to me rolling around in bed. Although a majority of the wild rose blossoms fell out during the night, a few are stubbornly entangled in the rat's nest that is my hair.
I must look hideous!
The horror of Ewar potentially seeing me in this condition convinces me to get out of bed. I have to fix this.
I move his arm from around my waist and lay it down gently. His face scrunches at being disturbed. Without warning, he flips onto his stomach. I hold my breath, praying he won't wake up and think he slept with an old crone.
The gods of slumber must hear my silent plea. Ewar uses his folded arms as a pillow. He is out like a light, never once opening his eyes.
I exhale. That was a close one.
I remove the blanket from around us. My feet hit the floor. Even though I escaped the bed successfully, my eyes have difficulty leaving it.
Ewar is naked. I can see his ass. And a fine one it is. I could grope it if I wanted...
I give my head a shake. Fix your hair first, Bella. The groping can come later.
Carefully, I cover him back up with the blanket. I tiptoe to the place where my things are kept.
Nothing is there except household items.
I roll my eyes at myself.
Duh. We packed up everything yesterday. My clothes, phone, and (most importantly) my comb are on the travois outside.
Looking around, I find the clothing Alie lent to me for the festival. I wrap it around myself like a towel and ignore the belt. As long as I hold the fabric tight, it should stay on long enough for me to retrieve my things and run back inside.
I open the doorway and take a long look at the aftermath of Damara's festival. The position of the sun suggests it has been morning for a while. Even so, the village is dead quiet. The Wolf People are snoozing around the center firepit. Only two huts have smoke coming from them, indicating that most residents have not yet awakened.
Everyone must be sleeping off their hangovers. I never realized they were such party animals.
The travois is exactly where we left it. Since it is tightly packed, I have to unload several baskets before getting to the one I need. Once I have it in my possession, I start putting everything back the way I found it. The job requires more work than I previously expected. Heavier baskets must be placed at the bottom. Lighter ones go on top. I also have to hold on to the fabric around me to keep it from falling.
At last, the final basket is loaded. I heave a breath and turn around.
Ewar is standing in the doorway.
"Oh!" I jump at his sudden appearance. A hand covers my pounding heart. "I didn't know you were awake."
He stares but does not respond. Several seconds pass.
He reenters the house.
I grab my basket and follow him. My things are dropped on the inside of the door. I find Ewar on the other side of the room, his back turned as he shoves his legs into some trousers. He must have put on his loincloth prior to poking his head outside. Next, he pulls a tunic over his head.
So much for us lazing around naked in bed today. What's the rush to get dressed so soon?
"Ewar-"
The question on my tongue dies when he turns around. I barely recognize him. His expression is flat, devoid of emotion.
"Ehmay want to feed you before we go," he says.
"Go?"
"Yes. We go to Cave of Life today."
After this announcement, he breezes past and leaves me alone in the hut.
Frozen in place, I try to make sense of what he said. I had assumed he would make reference of what happened between us last night. I had even entertained the idea that he would try talking me out of leaving. I'm not sure what I would have said, but I would have at least listened.
I never expected he would be eager to get me out of his house and life.
A sharp, cold pang grips my heart. If he wanted to hurt me, a dagger to the chest would have been less painful.
I stagger over to the bed and drop down. My mind replays the events of last night. He was patient. He was playful. Everything was perfect. Then, this morning, he pretends nothing happened between us. It's as though...
I squeeze my eyes shut. The truth is excruciatingly clear.
Now that Ewar has gotten what he wanted out of me, he is no longer interested. He's no better than the Lotharios who seduce naive virgins and then sneak out of their beds before sunrise. Can't have any of the girls think they are special or anything.
I go through my morning routine like a robot. I put on some clothes and relieve my bladder. Being used for my body leaves me feeling dirty. I scrub my face and neck with cold water. It doesn't help. As I am drying off, something in the back of my mind comes to the forefront. I completely forgot about the state of my hair. It's still an undeclared disaster area. However, I don't care much about it anymore. The only person I would have wanted to impress is Ewar - and that ship has already set sail.
Then again, if I go out in public like this, people will talk. I don't want anyone to suspect that something is wrong with me. My pride won't allow it. So, I reach for my comb.
Ewar made that for me.
My hand pulls away as though it was stung. I can't bear to use that comb.
I resort to using my fingers to tame my hair.
The village is stirring to life when I step outside again. Arl waves me over to his home and wishes me a good morning. My greeting is weak. He doesn't appear to notice.
The two of us enter the hut. Ehmay, Alie, and Jas are gathered around the hearth, waiting for me to take the first bite of the morning meal. My stomach has shriveled to the size of a bean. I have no appetite. But I can see that Ehmay went through a lot of trouble putting this together. There are a variety of hard-to-get delicacies, even eggs. To not eat anything would be disrespectful.
So, I force myself to eat. After all, this is my going-away celebration.
The family chatters around me. Each nibble I consume settles in my belly like lead. Ewar is not here. However, I spy a dirty bowl off to the side. I have a feeling he ate quickly just so he wouldn't have to dine while in my presence.
Am I that terrible of a lay that he can't even be civil anymore?
Mealtime is over much too soon. The family ushers me outside. Most of the community has gathered around Ewar and the sledge. I go to join him. He says not one word as each person passes in front of me. Len and both of her parents. Bannar and his wife. Ilium and Akob. The children who brightened my days with their antics. All come to bid me a final goodbye.
A small bundle wacks into me, almost throwing me off balance. Afrin has attached herself to my leg and refuses to let go. Mett has to pull her off. While in his strong grip, she wails my name over and over. Afrin is usually so well-behaved, practically a little angel. I've never seen her throw a tantrum before.
Oza offers me a sad smile - a silent farewell - before leaving to comfort her daughter.
I give myself a pep talk.
When I am gone, everything around here will return to what it should be. Afrin may miss me now, but she is young. Her memories will fade. In a few weeks, it will be as if I never existed.
Jas and Alie are last in line. Jas exudes a sense of calm, something both Alie and I are in dire need of at the moment. A tear leaks from my eye. Her smile is watery. I returned the outfit I borrowed from Alie after we ate. Yet, she surprises me with something.
"Biwid... sērnega." A gift... for my sister.
She hands over a pair of shoes. They are lightweight, similar to sandals. Dried reeds have been lovingly woven together and fitted to my size. The sandals are perfect for this time of year. I won't need the heavier winter shoes until I reach the colder region of the north.
I don't have the proper words to express how much Alie's friendship has meant to me. A tight hug has to suffice.
Arl proceeds to give a long speech. He speaks too fast for me to keep up. I look around at the sea of faces to pass the time. Many are nodding along to what he says. Ewar, however, seems bored for the most part. But when his eyes cross mine, his jaw tenses.
I shrink back. The disgust I saw in him lasted for only a moment. But it was there.
So God help me, it was there.
He rips his gaze away and resumes his prior indifference. I am anything but. The only thing holding me together is my pride. I refuse to let him see me cry.
Ehmay appears at my side. She glances between her nephew and me several times. Her expression is pained. She squeezes my hand before moving away.
What must Ehmay have seen? Does she know how Ewar used me, tore out my heart, and threw it back at me?
Arl ends his speech. Without further ado, Ewar lifts the handles of the sledge and begins dragging it. I interpret that as our cue to leave and follow behind him. As we approach the narrow exit, I take one last look over my shoulder.
Thirty-plus people are flipping me off, the ultimate sign of respect - according to Arl's misconception.
I hiccup a laugh.
I will miss them all... except for Essa. She is watching me from the doorway of her house, her eyes narrowed. Yet her smirk is triumphant. I'm sure she will make a play for Ewar again soon.
Well, I won't be here to stop her this time. She can have him. If Ewar can put aside her pettiness - and she can ignore his mood swings - they can live happily the fuck ever after for all I care.
Who am I kidding? I hate the thought of them together more now than I did last night.
The village disappears behind us. The gorge as well. Ewar and I pass the stream where I retrieved water and washed clothes. We trod through the forest in what seems like no time at all. Before the end of the day, we arrive at the grassland.
And during all that traveling, Ewar doesn't acknowledge me even once.
It isn't until we have to stop for the night does he seem to recall that he isn't alone. He makes a fire and tips his head at the baskets of food.
"Eat."
Before I can respond, he walks off to set up the tent.
That is how the remainder of our evening goes. He speaks only when necessary. He eats silently. And his version of saying goodnight to me is to wrap himself in a blanket near the fire and lie down.
I guess he intends for me to have the tent.
I crawl inside and strip down for comfort's sake. As I work my leggings down, I find several light bruises on my thighs and hips. They are the size of fingerprints...
I throw my clothes back on. I don't want to see any reminders. Not tonight. Not ever.
I suppose my eagerness to escape from reality explains why I fall asleep so quickly. It doesn't work in my favor. The daydreams from this morning make a return, but they play out more like nightmares now that things have changed. Phantom arms surround me. Ghostly lips leave kisses on my skin, promising the impossible. And like a fool, I fall for it every time.
When I open my eyes, I am always alone.
"Bella."
Ewar speaks from outside the tent after dawn. I am already awake. Wisps of smoke are all that's left of the fire. We eat a simple meal. I try to catch his eye several times. He refuses to look in my direction.
We interacted more back when he didn't speak a word of English.
I miss that time.
Another long, grueling day of walking on foot passes by. Then another. It doesn't get easier. Each time he purposely avoids me, it deepens the gaping hole in my chest. But I don't show it. I have a goal now, and it is within reach.
It won't be like this much longer. I will arrive at the Cave of Life soon. He will leave for his home. Then, I will finally be free to deal with the heartbreak - without him ever being the wiser.
On the fourth day of travel, clouds gather. Rain tumbles from the sky. Ewar and I are forced to cover ourselves up with animal skins. Walking around with them over our heads isn't easy, but at least they are somewhat water-retardant.
The rain continues even after it is time to rest for the night. Ewar sets up the tent, as always. I make sure our supplies are well-protected before crawling inside.
He gets in not long after.
We haven't been this close since...
The thought is pushed from my mind. It's not safe to think of such things.
He brought food with him. The rain prevents us from having a warm meal. Even so, we are hungry enough to appreciate what we do have. He passes a flask of water to me. My heart flutters when our fingers brush by accident.
He snatches his hand away.
I keep my head up, ignoring his reaction as best as I can. Maybe the water will drown my sorrow.
By the time I am done satisfying my thirst, he has already turned in for the night. Of course, he keeps his back to me. I'm sure it's to prevent my face from being what he sees first thing in the morning.
I set the flask near him and retreat to my side of the tent. Laying down is the only thing I have left to do. Sleep is out of the question. If I were to give in to the exhaustion, I might end up living out my X-rated dreams on the man beside me.
That wouldn't help matters any.
Rain taps on the roof all through the evening and late into the night. It is loud and relentless. Still, I swear I hear every breath he takes. It makes me think of things I shouldn't. Like, when he learned blowing air across my nipple would bring up goosebumps. He used this to his advantage so many times that night, as if he found pleasure in getting such a reaction out of me. In retaliation, I would grab his face and...
I squeeze my eyes shut. Stop it. Torturing yourself with memories is the last thing you need right now.
I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the roof. Even so, the urge to touch him remains.
The showers taper off. I escape from the tent as soon as the first rays of the sun peek over the horizon. A herd of horses is grazing in the near distance. Beyond them are hills. These hills are nothing spectacular. They are on the small size, covered mostly with weathered rocks. But I recognize them.
The Cave of Life is somewhere within those hills.
Having hope within sight makes a world of difference. It doesn't hurt quite as much when Ewar avoids me this morning. He will be dumping me off on Alistair soon. I won't have to suffer in his presence much longer.
The early mist dissolves as the heat of day burns it off. The hills welcome our arrival with echoes of ptarmigans squawking from their nests hidden within the piles of rock. Ewar drags the travois like a man on a mission, his gaze focused on a point fixed in the distance.
Hours of walking later, we begin to hear the sound of humans.
The Cave of Life settlement is awash with people. Summer means easier travel. Tribes from all over are visiting the sacred site. A few heads turn as Ewar and I pass by, but mostly, we are ignored.
Alistair and Onya's hut is the one closest to the cave entrance. Neither one is at home. Fortunately, the young boy guarding the cave recognizes us. He races off, leaving Ewar and me to stand there in awkward silence.
Within minutes, the boy returns with Alistair in tow.
"Bella! Ewar! How good to see you again. I had a feeling you two would be arriving today. Our village just celebrated Damara's festival last night - and what a time it was! The music, the dancing, the worshipping of the female form... Onya and I certainly enjoyed it." His eyes unfocus briefly. He shakes his head. "Well! Enough about me. I hope you found the festival as delightful as I did, Bella."
I keep my eyes directed away from Ewar and plaster on a smile. "It was all right, but nothing I would call memorable."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ewar squirm.
Ha! Your ego can't handle even a veiled insult.
Alistair hums. "How odd. I thought for sure you would appreciate the custom."
Shrugging it off, his friendly gaze is directed at the man standing next to me. He switches to the language of the locals. Alistair mentions something about being grateful to Ewar for bringing me back at the time agreed upon. The rest is gibberish to me. I get the feeling he is expressing that Ewar has met his end of the bargain and is now free to go home.
Ewar spares me a glance but addresses Alistair exclusively. His manner is colder than the Ice Age in which he was born.
The speech is short. He whirls around and walks away... leaving the travois untouched.
I turn to Alistair. "What did Ewar say just now?"
Alistair scratches his head. "He said he made a vow to Damara that he would take responsibility for his wife's care until the very end. He insists on helping Onya and I get you safely to where the Great Spirits reside - which in layman's terms, means the Lake District." He grins. "My! Isn't that generous of him? To walk so far north is unheard of in this day and age. They are normally a superstitious lot, and the land of the Great Spirits is forbidden for humans to enter. But he seems quite determined to go. And what luck it is for us! Another person armed with a spear should help keep away any nasty predators."
I gulp for air. Can't seem to find any, though.
He gives me a funny look. "I say, is there something the matter, Bella?"
"Umm... Do you mind if I washed off?"
"Oh, pardon my rudeness. I should have already thought of that. Please go inside the house and tidy up. Take as much time as you need! No one will disturb you."
I give a quick nod and rush inside.
Finally alone, my knees give out from under me. My heart hammers through my chest, keeping in time with what is on my mind.
No, no, no...
It wasn't supposed to be this way. The deal was he would bring me back to Alistair and then go home. It should have been easy. So, why is Ewar changing the fucking agreement at the last minute? Does the man enjoy torturing me? Does he get a thrill every time he turns his nose up at me?
And, most importantly, how will I heal when I have to keep seeing his stupid sexy face every single day for the next two to three weeks?!
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A/N- Hi. You probably aren't happy with me right now. I understand. They were so close! I told you that these two were going to make you want to strangle them, lol.
I'm already working on the next chapter. Any theories?
Thanks for reading. :-)