Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Certified D.O.G.

Deliciously Overt Genuineness

(Gluttony, Bee's Mansion)

I love you, Bee.

The four words played in a loop in Queen Bee-Lzebub's head, essentially overpowering all other voices that were, usually at this point, screaming for her to overindulge in some serious Vices. She'd never gotten a serious return like the one she just got from Naruto. All of those other voices were silenced, and her body felt like it was going to melt down into honey-form. Just because of four simple words accompanied by the goddamned genuine Vibes she recognized as Romantic Love and Affection, rather than the Aphrodisiac Love she was used to tasting come with her paramours' words.

I love you, Bee.

She was frozen in her boyfriend's arms as he nipped and nibbled at her jawline. Normally, that would be super sweet and sexy, and it would definitely earn her Gummy Bear a choice makeout session, but the server that was her brain needed a fucking reboot, like, fucking yesterday! It would be easy for her to snap herself out of a loop like this normally, but...

I love you, Bee.

...Yeah, the struggle was real.

So, Bee was more or less trapped in her own head, unable to move. Thankfully, this wasn't overlooked by her dutiful lover, as he tensed when he realized she wasn't reacting to his affectionate gestures. He sniffed at her, his warm salty breaths tickled her ears and antennae as he did, before he nuzzled at her gently.

"Hey, you alright? ...Bae-Bee?"

Bee wasn't fucking sure how to answer that. Let alone speak. She kind of only had four words on her mind at the moment, three of which she'd said already.

I love you, Bee.

"Bee...you're starting to freak me out." Huh? Gummy Bear didn't sound panicked, well, not like he did whenever she wanted to get good snuggles in and convinced him to watch GhostFuckers with her. He actually sounded remarkably calm. Faintly, she could register two blue eyes peering into hers and one of his big hands cupped her face. A thumb stroked over her freckles and his nose pressed against hers. "Hey, I'm going to call Belle. Is that okay?"

"..Nuh.."

"...Okay, yeah. Executive decision. I'm calling Belle." Naruto muttered, a frown on his face and his Vibes started to tank. He moved her from his lap – Which, um, No? That was not allowed without her permission! The fuck, Gummy Bear?! Get back here and keep cuddling her, dammit! – and hopped out of the broken guest bed to go grab his phone.

Bee wanted to protest – more so about his tanking Vibes and vacating the bed over him calling Belle; she knew this kind of reaction wasn't a normal thing, and it was the first time it happened to her, so yeah, Belle needed to be kept updated – but was still locked up.

I love you, Bee.

Seriously? Who knew it took four fucking words and a heaping dose of Romantic Love Vibes to finally get Bee's motor mouth to shut off? Bee certainly fucking didn't! And now her Gummy Bear had run off leaving her alone again and–Oh, no, wait, here he is. He sat down on the mattress in front of Bee and started gently tilting her head.

"...Yeah, it's like she's gone totally frozen. ...We just finished fucking, yeah. I dunno, like fifteen minutes ago? ...Deflation is when we consider it done, yeah." Gummy Bear muttered as he pinched his Hellphone between his sexy shoulder and his nommable ear while he looked her over. Ugh, no, that frown was so sad! Bee didn't like seeing it on her Gummy Bear's face. Sour tasting hints of Worry started to taint the delicious, relaxed Salty-Sweet Vibes. His lip curled in a snarl and he lowered his hand before her turned away. "Bitch, I don't give a fuck what nap you're due for! I will come down there and sheer your fucking wool off before I parade your naked ass through the fucking street to the Inter-Ring Station! ...Did you forget who the fuck I am, Belphegor? Because I will happily remind you why you even have that goddamned Ring in the first place! ...You fucking better haul ass."

He pulled his phone away from his ear and carelessly tossed it to the other side of the bed before he looked back at Bee, two worried blue eyes – with the shine dimming down – locked with hers instantly. Fuck, Bee loved those blue eyes, they were so goddamn pretty. His orange furred hand cupped her face again.

"Bae-Bee, come back to me. I dunno what happened, and I don't care why, but come back." He murmured and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. The bell rang and he sighed. "That's probably our tacos–"

It was at that moment that Bee's stomach, which was its own fucking entity with its own mind and priorities sometimes, growled. Gummy Bear let out a few soft chuckles and let his hand drift down from her face to rest on her stomach.

"Well, at least I know you're still fuckin' alive. Be right back, Bae-Bee." He murmured again and stole another kiss before he left the room. And her. Again.

He was gonna come back.

I love you, Bee.

She could faintly hear the door open and her Gummy Bear's voice raised with faux cheer as he chatted up whatever Hound brought them their grub. He laughed, and it sounded so much his real one she almost thought it was, but the Vibes that drifted back to her – because he was thinking about her; yeah, Bee didn't just suck up all the Vibes twenty-four seven, most of the ones she ate were the ones directed at her, this was usually whenever she made someone happy or when someone thought about her while they were living the Vibe High – told her otherwise.

Concern, Worry, made a sour-bitter combination that almost turned her off but it was also mixed with a hint of that fucking delicious, overt genuine Romantic Love Gummy Bear kept leaking out around her since he said that fucking phrase!

I love you, Bee.

Yes, that one! Fuck! Bee just wanted to function again, but she couldn't because if she really started to enjoy it – let alone if she really, really believed that this was happening – the fuckery known as 'Hellish Balance' would do something. It's what happened to Hugh, it's what happened to Otis, it's what happened to fucking Jamiroquai (a Hellhound bitch she'd dated for a while during what the mortals on Earth called the early Nineteeth Century, not that Human band that popped up a decade or so ago). Every time Bee was honest with her feelings about her lovers to their faces, they either bolted from the perceived commitment or got done in by Hell's fucked up sense of 'balance'.

Because Jahweh actually fucking forbid that the Embodiment of Sins find happiness. For a second, they thought it was a crock, what with Lucifer and Lilith being happily fucking married with little Charlie and what not. Then Lilith bolted and now Charlie is dating a Fallen.

Absently, Bee managed to tear her thoughts away from her Gummy Bear's damning words and wondered how Lucifer was taking that...

(Pride, Morningstar Castle)

"Hah, that's enough work on Project Quackster Fifty-Five Hundred.." Lucifer stretched his arms and went over to an armchair that looked like a duck. It let out a quack as he sat in it and pulled his phone out. "Let's see what's been making this thing blow up. Five hundred thousand missed calls from Ozzie? ...Eh, he can wait. A dozen missed from Satan, reminders about some paperwork–fuck that, dude. You do it. Lemme see...Couple of pics from Leviathan? Ugh, no. Delete! ...Ooh, a text from Mammon? Didn't even think he'd renew his phone plan! ..Not paying for damage-? Hm, pretty sure he sent this to the wrong number. That ungrateful, lying, backstabbing bastard doesn't even work for me anymore!"

Lucifer huffed and deleted the message from Greed's Sin, where he complained about some soul-stone smokestack or some shit. Not his problem, probably meant for a lawyer or something.

The King of Hell hummed when he saw two particular messages from Bee, the first asked about measurements for a cock ring? What? ..Ah, the second explained it was for Ozzie who was listed under 'Lust Bitch' and she hit the wrong contact info. Makes sense. He sent back a 'no big' then realized the message was sent almost two years ago...meh, she probably forgot. Not his problem.

"Charlie messaged me?" Lucifer blinked at the most recent missed message from a month ago. He always read Charlie's texts..well, skimmed. Most of the time they were suggestions for laws or edicts that would improve Sinner living and...Yeah, he just wasn't for that. Like, he was proud of his baby girl for following her mother's footsteps – so long as she didn't just fucking disappear out of his life with help from his former best friend! Yeah, he was still a little miffed about it, so fucking what?! – but Sinners were...he really should have made some kind of Hellborn that he could've taken claim to ten millennia ago.

Ah well, he's stuck with this shit, but it wasn't his problem.

"Might as well read that month old message now," he said as he tapped the big blurb and opened the chat screen. "'Hey Dad,' good opening – yadda, yadda, yadda Hotel, blah blah blah, Sinner shit. Damn, Charlie, you gotta get to the fucking point..aha, here we go – 'I know you're busy, but I hope you could take time to swing by and meet my girlfriend?!'"

Lucifer's jaw dropped open and his hat slid back from his head as he shot up to his feet.

"When did she start dating again?! Did Lilith know and not tell me?! Did Narutoknow and not tell me?! Oh, I'll kill that furry fucker – wait," Lucifer cut himself off and frowned. "Right. Last line of defense...Can't kill him. Neutering is only temporary, but it slows him down ...ugh, shit, it also really pisses him off. On that note, let's not have that kind of fight, again. Almost lost my, er, other head if Lil hadn't blindsided him."

You could call him many things – King of Hell, The Devil, Master of Lies, The Original Sin – but no one would dare call Lucifer Morningstar stupid to his face. Aside from his estranged wife and former best friend, but they had history, so it was...cool…

"Okay. Focus. Baby girl. Dating..another girl? Wait, she's Bi?! Since when?! Ugh, we could've been each other's wing person!" Lucifer scowled at the lost opportunity to bond with his oddball of a daughter and then looked back at his phone. He dropped it and slumped in his seat. "...Fallen...That poor kid. I wonder what she did? ...Well, I guess I could swing by. I should take a look at the Hotel...for sinners...Nah, I'd rather throw a dinner party."

(Gluttony, Bee's Mansion)

Bee's drifting second line of thought derailed violently off track as the faint sound of her front door shutting and the approach of her Gummy Bear's delicious Vibes were accompanied by a spicy, yummy scent that made her near-sentient stomach growl eagerly. She felt her ear flick and her nose twitch. Was she coming out of it? Fucking finally!

She wanted to fucking enjoy this, before Hell's balance fucked her over in the wrong way! Now if she could just regain proper motor control...The fuck does 'system rebooting' mean? ..Oh, right, Bee initiated that..when's the last time she 'rebooted'? Two millennia? One? It had to be done soon, she wanted to initiate proper cuddle time again!

"Bae-Bee, I got our Yo Quiero." Her boyfriend – that loved her – said as he walked back in with the four massive bags filled good post-fuck snackage. He set it beside her and sat back down so he was in front of her again. Ugh, no. She wanted him to cuddle her while they ate...Wait, did he answer the door naked?

Hell yeah, that brought some great thoughts to mind.

"Ooh, Bae-Bee, I can see that cute little sniffer twitching. You want some tacos? ..Hm, what else did y–? Bee."

Uh-oh, Gummy Bear sounded a bit disappointed. Er, or was that annoyed? Bee always mixed those two up. Especially when they were felt when someone thought of her. They were such small feelings that didn't amount to anything nor did they really taste all that good, so she usually ignored them. Hold that thought, Gummy Bear's pretty blue eyes were locked with hers again.

"You know you're not supposed to get the Queso Supreme Septuplet-Mixed Quesadilla. It clogs your system up and makes you feel bloated."

But it tastes so good! Bee wanted to argue. Sure, it clogged her up for like, half a day the first time she ate one on its reveal date. Yes, she felt gross for the rest of the week after the clog was cleared, and yes she had to cancel a party when she couldn't get Vibes to filter properly, but Gummy Bear's super sweet and very sexy bedside nurse skills – especially the pad rubs! Bee wanted more pad rubs! She loved Naruto's pad rubs, he was so fucking good with those giant clawed hands of his! – helped her feel better in record time!

"Bae-Bee, we had to close an entire fucking wing of the house when you finally cleared the clogging. The Clones threatened to unionize, and if they did that, guess who would show up, unannounced, in your house?" He asked flatly.

Ah, shit. Right.

Legal paperwork for Sins always got bumped up to the top. Lucifer took forever to get anything signed, but if he figured out Bee and Naruto were dating – and if he was still miffed at her Gummy Bear – he'd come down here and make a huge fuss about it. His Paparazzi would swarm Gluttony, and Bee fucking hated the Paparazzi of Pride. They were so fucking rude!

Ugh, she almost dreaded the coming Orphanage party at the end of the month...Wait, was she thinking coherently again? She thought about twitching a little–Yes! It worked! Slowly twitch, shift and, yep. Everything was back in Bee's control.

That meant she could do what she'd wanted to do since she'd frozen up.

"Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that these things are made with literal toe fungus, so–Bae-Bee?" Naruto blinked at her when she started to buzz. She shifted her legs beneath her and used her arms to steady herself as she carefully tried to keep her face blank.

It didn't work.

With a megawatt smile on her face, Bee launched herself at her boyfriend, knocking him off the bed and forcing him to drop the food there. She pinned him to the floor and grinned down at him.

"Say it again."

"..Uh, okay, last time you ate one of those, you destroyed an entire wing while–?"

"No, no, no, not that!" She pushed her nose down against Naruto's as her arms – all four of them – slipped around his neck to hug him loosely. His claws steadied on her hips and grazed the top of her ass. "The other thing." He blinked and she rolled her eyes. "The thing that you said after I told you that I loved you, Gummy Bear."

"Oh!" His brows rose up and he smiled. His lips caught hers – the sneaky sexy bastard, teasing his Queen Bee like that! – in a quick kiss as his hands slid up to wrap around her lower back. His eyes became lidded as he stared into hers. "I love you, Bee."

Again, the burst of Adoration and Romantic Love gave his delicious Salty-Sweet Vibes an amazing taste. It was like a new, core flavor of ice cream. A fourth core flavor, so to speak, that she couldn't put a label on. Blurpleberry? ..She might have to experiment with that.

Anyway, Bee felt like her whole being was lighter and for a moment, her endless, ever-consuming, constantly active stomach gave her a brief feeling of sated and full. She mashed her lips against her Gummy Bear's for a very heated, very amorous, and very sensual make out session. It was about fifteen minutes later, and several position shifts – now she was sitting in his lap again and that made Bee a happy Bee – that their lips parted and she panted in time with him.

"I love you, Naruto."

"I love you, Bee."

"No, you goof." Bee giggled and used her upper hands to cup his face while the lower hung to his neck. "I am in love with you. Everything about you drives me wild, Gummy Bear. From your dumb, weird sense of nobility to that adorable addiction you pretend isn't one and like to preach about."

"I don't pretend anything." He huffed as if insulted. The Vibes, as always, gave him away and his wagging tail made it obvious how he felt. His eyes remained locked with hers. "And Ramen is the food of Gods; Jahweh, Zeus, Ra, Odin, Ishtar – any one of them I've met managed to agree on its glory."

"When the fuck did you meet Ishtar–? No, save that explanation for later." Bee shook her head and smiled up at him. She pulled his head down a bit so she could rub her nose with his. "I love you, Gummy Bear. And that fucking terrifies me."

"Love is scary," Naruto rumbled as one of his thumbs gently stroked over her back, just beneath the spot her wings sprouted from. "But you know the good part about sharing it? You don't have to face the scary shit alone."

"You can be so fucking cheesy." Bee tittered and pushed her head forward so that their foreheads touched. She looked into his eyes as her smile waned. "But..Naruto, I'm talking about something only Sins are affected by. Whenever our lives are going too well, if shit is too good, things get...balanced out. By Hell's standards–"

"Punishment of Sins, yeah, I know about it." He muttered, still meeting her gaze and still rubbing her back with his thumb. "But Bae-Bee? You don't have to worry about me, and you don't have to be scared. Hell can't do anything to ruin this. Ruin us. If it tries? I'll just break it again."

"You're so fucking sappy." Bee muttered as she pulled back and lifted his muzzle to align it with hers. Their lips met and molded together again, briefly this time, before she pulled back to smile at him. Her eyes felt weird, but she ignored it as she held his head. "I can tell you fuckin mean it, though. And I...I don't know the words...to explain how that makes me feel."

"You don't have to explain." He smiled back at her. One of his big paws cradled her cheek and a claw ghosted under her eye. Why was it–oh, shit. When the fuck did she start crying?! That explains the weird feeling in her eyes. Firm, soft, warm, cool and tasty lips pushed against hers for the briefest of seconds before they left hers tingling. "Bae-Bee, you told me that you love me. I know you meant it. That's all I need to know, to justify it: I will break this stupid realm again if it tries to hurt you through me."

The Hellquake that followed his affirmation was fast, but it was felt across the Ring. Possibly all of them. There was a saying amongst Demons and Sinners alike: Hell was other people. It wasn't too far from the truth. Hell, like many concepts, had a limited form of sentience. It wasn't totally aware, but it was definitely alive. Anything that was alive had something it feared.

It appeared that Naruto was Hell's 'something' to fear.

"...Fuck, I wish I was hornier than I was hungry, because that was fucking hot." Bee admitted as she chewed on her lip. Her Gummy Bear chuckled and one hand dropped from her back to brace itself on the floor. His legs shifted – no! Bee wanted cuddles dammit! – before he stood and carried her with one arm. Well, she held herself close to him with her four arms wrapped around his neck again.

"Then it's a good thing we have all this Yo Quiero here to eat," Gummy Bear said once he grabbed the bags of food. He sat back on the bed and helped her settle back into the super comfortable cuddle seat. Every bag but one was dumped in her lap as he gave her a flat stare. "You can eat all of it except for the Queso Supreme Septuplet-Mixed Quesadilla."

"But–!"

"Bee, I am not budging on this." He deadpanned and she groaned as she flung her head back into his chest. The hand that was now once more wrapped around her stomach gently pinched her side and she grumbled. He chuffed in her ear. "Sorry, Bae-Bee, but that thing? That's literally something worse than Sin. That thing scares me."

"Well…That's certainly…" a drawn out yawn had both of them look at the doorway to the guest room. Standing there, a hoof-like hand over her mouth, was none other than the Queen of Sloth. A full minute passed before she finished and glowered at them tiredly. "Good to…know."

"Sweet fuck, she showed up in the same day." Bee mumbled. She felt Naruto's eyes fall on her and she shrugged. "I was rebooting, and kind of aware of my surroundings? Things were foggy."

"Uh-huh. You ever hear about her rebooting?" He asked, the question aimed at Belphegor, who blinked slowly. Then, as if a switch was flipped, her blinking sped up and she ventured into the room.

"Nope." Her speech pattern picked up and she snapped her fingers, a bag of who fucking knows what appeared beside her. "But Bee has been overdue for a checkup for…Eight centuries now. Might as well make it a house call."

"Let's not and say we did, Bel." Bee let out a nervous little laugh. She didn't like the gleam in the other Sin's eye. Her boyfriend's arm wrapped around her tightened its hold where it was. Oh, this dirty fucking traitor! He was so going to give her a thorough rimjob after she ate that damn quesadilla he apparently hated so much! Resigned to the coming house appointment she couldn't escape, her stomach growled and she felt it prudent to ask: "Can't it at least wait until after I eat?!"

""No."" The two other Sin-leveled Demons in the room deadpanned.

Fuckers, Bee thought as her ears went flat while Belphegor dug around in her medical torturer's bag. She whimpered when the oral thermometer was pulled out. Dammit, I was having such a great day up until five minutes ago! Someone better be having a worse day than me right now!

(Pride, Happy Hotel)

Life at the Hotel had been tense for the past month.

Part of it was due to the revelations had in Gluttony. Charlie got a good portion of the story of how Vaggie fell, and she knew it was heavily edited because no mention of her now absent wings had been made. Regardless, the full story was given and Vaggie added that she hadn't wanted to lie, but Charlie had been so kind that she felt telling the truth would've been like spitting on her kindness, since Charlie had thought she was helping a Sinner.

Charlie was more furious that she had to explain why that kind of thinking was fucked than she was mad about being lied to! What kind of place was Heaven where they lied to their own forces about the enemies' tendencies outside of battle?! Her father was honest about why his kingdom was set against Heaven: They thought they were so goodie-goodie and right, and didn't compromise for any reason! Ugh, it was just so–! Argh, so fucked!

Not to mention that if she ever met the bitch that cut her girlfriend's fucking eye out and left her to fucking die in Hell's goddamned gutter...Well, whatever the fuck she did wouldn't be so fucking pleasant, that's for fucking sure!

Still, it took another week after that for them to be more comfortable together. They hadn't been intimate since, not for a lack of trying on Charlie's part, but Vaggie wasn't fully comfortable with it, so they kept things a little more vanilla. That was fine though, Charlie liked vanilla, and Vaggie was finally back to reciprocating some small shows of affections like small kisses and quick hugs and – her favorite, eee! – holding hands!

Anyway, the lone occupant and 'patient' of the Happy Hotel had kept his distance once he realized the couple were fighting. Unfortunately, for Charlie anyway, that meant Angel went off and indulged in various Sins that definitely didn't bring him closer to being rehabilitated. He went and bought drugs from vending machines, and he continued to work on porn sets. An 'actor' he'd claimed to be when they met, but it became very fucking apparent very fucking fast that Angel was a lustful lying bastard – Hm, Charlie might have a small issue with falsehoods and lies. Wouldn't that be ironic? – and he appeared to have no dedication to saving his own soul. The situation was extremely...aggravating, to say the least.

Oh, right! And on top of that marvelous situation, the annual Extermination Day was fast approaching, which only added to Charlie's rising stress.

It was the most recent development that threw Charlie for a loop, and almost pushed her over the edge. She wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing, but the most recent text she had from her Father was one that could very well start a civil war...or ruin her life. Well, maybe not her life, but it'd definitely put a thorn in her side if it became what she thought it was.

"Okay, babe, I'm here." Vaggie said as she came down from the third floor where she was inspecting a possible leaky shower. She stood within arms reach of Charlie and crossed her arms. "What's the emergency?"

"Vaggie! Hi! Um, hey, how's things?"

"The leak's fixed. Was that the emergency?" Vaggie asked, a small knowing smirk on her face.

"Um, no, but my Dad texted me," Charlie gulped and wrung her hands together. "He, um, he invited us to...a stately dinner."

"Stately dinner?" Vaggie repeated. A low chuckle emerged from the couch, where the lone occupant of the Hotel reclined, reading a magazine.

"Ooh, you two's finally meeting the fam? I'd kill to be a fly on that wall." Angel chuckled as he perched his head in his hand and smirked at them. "But, I'll settle for helpin you's both dress for the nines."

"That's...not necessary, Angel, but thank you." Charlie smiled weakly as she walked over to her girlfriend and took hold of her hands. "Vaggie, before you agree to this, you have to know that Dad's stately dinners are...basically galas. A whole lot of nobility will show up, maybe a Sin or two."

"Like your Aunt?" Vaggie asked, frowning slightly. Yeah, Aunt Bee's lasting impression on Vaggie wasn't exactly the best, but Charlie was a little grateful for it. And she liked to think that Vaggie felt an itsy-bitsy bit similar.

"Maybe? It's a party, but if she and Bruncle Naru are together, she might not show up." Charlie shrugged. "Bruncle Naru and Dad are...they've been fighting recently."

"Ooh, family feuds are the best entertainment! Well, outside of fuckin'."

"Thank you, Angel, for your commentary!" Vaggie growled at the Sinner that always managed to get on her nerves. Charlie was so blessed that her girlfriend was as patient as she was, and that she hadn't actually hurt Angel before she knew Vaggie was a Fallen. It would explain why the stabs her spear left on some of the, erm, less inclined to rehabilitate Sinners seemed more potent. Vaggie's one eye locked with Charlie's again and she smiled. "Charlie, I'll go, but only if you want to go. If your Aunt's there, then, I guess I'll just stay away from her."

"Thanks, Vaggie." Charlie made to hug her, but hesitated. Vaggie chuckled before she initiated a hug and Charlie practically immolated on the spot. A studio audience's 'Aww' had both of them look at the third occupant in the main room. "ANGEL!"

"What! It's not my fault you two broads decided to have a fuckin moment right as Harriet and Sal reconciled!" Angel protested with a harrumph. He crossed his four arms and blew out some air. "Some fuckin' people think they're the Kings of Hell."

"She's the literal Princess of Hell," Vaggie deadpanned while Charlie turned away to text her father and tell him they'd both be coming.

"Well, fuckin' excuse me! I don't follow politics!"

"It's basic knowledge! Shit, you've been here longer than I have, how do you not know this?!"

"What part of the phrase 'I don't follow politics' didn't your cyclops ass understand?!"

As chaos ensued between her two housemates, Charlie smiled when an elated series of duck-focused emojis came back as soon as her message was sent. Dad seemed to be excited. She sighed in relief when she got a date that wasn't the current one.

"A week. Plenty of time to prepare." She mumbled and flinched when Angel said something that set Vaggie off and started a fight between them. One last text was sent to her dad before she turned to stop the two's scuffle.

Honestly, sometimes she felt like she was the only mature adult in Hell.

(Gluttony, Bee's Mansion)

A few days had passed since they laid out their feelings toward each other – since Belphegor had made the house call to give Bee her overdue physical; she forgave him easily when he told her he'd let her come watch him get his, and that he was due for a prostate exam. She smelled a bit too excited by the prospect, but it soothed her ruffled fur, so whatever – and Naruto had been riding a high ever since. At the end of the month, they'd be going up to Pride's Third Circle, Heresy, to look at, evaluate and remodel the Hellhound Orphanage that was in Hasa Diga City. That would leave just the ones in Lust and Sloth, the former of which Naruto wasn't looking forward to in the fucking slightest. Not that he wasn't excited to help the puppies there, no, it was the fact that Lust Hounds tended to er...really indulge in the Ring's Sin, and depending on how pups were treated, he might get really fucking pissed.

Almost as much as he was now.

"I'm not fucking going." He deadpanned as he clicked the channel up button on the television remote while he reclined on the couch. Hell got all sorts of television programming, some of which came from Earth, and it was those channels he was investigating now. His ears perked up when he came across an live-action series about some adolescents that just randomly changed costumes and started fighting with decently staged martial arts against some kind of demonic creature. Then his vision was blocked by Bee's Turbo Tummy, which warped the show behind her. Reluctantly, he looked up from the screen to her face.

"Bee, I'm not going."

"Come on, Gummy Bear!" Bee frowned at him and gestured at her phone. "It's a bonafide invite from Luci! I can't say no, that'll make him think I'm acting sus!"

"Bae-Bee? Pro Tip: Lucifer always thinks others are acting sus. Why do you think Lilith nixed any of your planned surprise parties for him? He doesn't get the concept of surprises," Naruto said dryly. His tail flicked irritably and he crossed his arms when she buzzed and narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"Are you still mad?"

"Am I still-? No!" Naruto rolled his eyes. "But if this party for Charlie is for Charlie, then I'm not going. If I show up with you as your plus one unannounced? He will flip his shit and the party will be over."

"Then maybe you should fucking tell him you're coming."

"He'll ask how I found out, and I'll have to drop something believable. And unless you want him to stick his pasty nose in our business–?"

"Well, it's not like we're a secret anymore baby." Bee huffed as she climbed onto him and straddled his lap. She grinned. "And we'd eventually get on his radar somehow, right? Pride's Puppy Party is only a few weeks away..."

"Is that what you have it saved as? Nice alliteration." Naruto hummed as he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and a smile reflexively spread across his muzzle when she wrapped her lower set around him in turn. He couldn't help it, he loved his cuddle bug of a Queen Bee. Maybe it was to make up for the lacking amount of snuggles he had in his first life or even in the first few millennia of this one, but cuddling with his Bae-Bee always lifted his spirits.

"Yep-yep!" Bee grinned at him. "Catering place is picked out and if we both go to this gala party, we can re-evaluate Charlie-Pop and her Chickadee for fosterhood!"

"Think they worked it out?" He asked as he stole a quick kiss. She didn't protest, not that he thought she would.

"I doubt Luci would throw a fuckin' party for them if they broke up."

"You'd be surprised." Naruto deadpanned. Most parties Lucifer threw were just for him to show off if he was feeling low about himself, or if he thought his wife or daughter needed a 'pick me up' event. He shook his head and dismissed the thoughts of his former best friend as he pushed his nose to the edge of his girlfriend's muzzle. "Look, Bae-Bee, why don't you tell him you'll be there with your plus one, and once you do, I'll shoot him a text. If he freaks out and cancels the party? We'll know what to expect. If not, then it's really for Charlie and I'll try not to let him get under my skin."

"But this means you'll come with me, right?" Bee fluttered her lashes at him and he chuckled.

"Yes, Bae-Bee, I'll go with you. I won't like it, but I'll go."

"Good! Because I already told him I'd go with a plus one. So get to texting!" Bee grinned and pecked his nose before she hopped off and zipped away to do something else. Naruto worked his jaw and let out a displeased grumble as his hands remained where they were above him, where Bee's back used to be. Resigned to his fate, he pulled his Hellphone out and opened the messaging feature.

(Douchifer, telling you now, I'm Bee's 'Plus One'.)

A long pause passed before a response came to his phone.

(We'll talk Saturday, Asshole.)

His blood boiled and his eye twitched, how the fuck was he the–? Rather than get further upset, Naruto closed his phone, dropped it to his chest and groaned into his hand. He could tell that this wasn't going to end well. He just hoped that Lucifer had enough tact and self-control to keep from flipping out.

...Oh, I just jinxed myself! Fuck!

AN: a shorter entry, but I wanted it out there before my workday started…in an hour. FUCK! I'm late!

Thanks for reading all!