Meditations

by helen.fan.yu

A series of "things unto myself" that I have contemplated since venturing into the book- and movie-verse of Hannibal Lecter (and his darling Clarice Starling). I hope these musings will enrich you as they have me. *Note* These musings mainly follow what (could have) happened after the book canon, although there are interweaved aspects from the movies.

6. What Do You See

VI. What Do You See?

(Hannibal asks Clarice a difficult question)

What do you see

When I dress to the nines,

A three-piece covering the body

Which you studied and studied you in return

Last night?

..

What do you see

As we tour in Mercedes-Benz's and Jaguars,

Black, like my soul,

Or maybe not,

As you fondly point out?

..

What do you see

As we dine cuisine classique on our terrace,

Overlooking the sounds of the city,

Or the sunlight in the country,

Whichever view you prefer?

..

What do you see

Upon entering my study,

As I pour through endless books

Seeking secrets to refine impurities,

Transmuting iron back to gold?

..

Do you see a monster?

Some other cruel beast who has imprisoned you,

Claiming his forfeit and trophy?

Or

Do you see a man,

Old now, whose scars and joints ache,

And lungs wheeze when

You prod to accompany on early morning sojourns?

..

I hope you, and perhaps only you,

Can see me beyond who I present to be.

While my creature comforts

Fascinate and disgust the average observer,

Only you have I allowed behind the curtains

To view the inner sanctum of my vulnerabilities.

..

Please don't pity the poor man

Behind the monster's mask.

I do not wear it to obfuscate,

But to hide myself from what I do not wish to see.

I am terrified, truly, of what is there,

And I

Hope,

Wish,

Pray

You see something different.