There was a part of Izuku that didn't really expect he'd open his eyes again, but when he does, he searches automatically for Chizome's familiar form. He doesn't find him before the pain in his head spikes and he has to close them again, squeezing tight as he tries to control the urge to burst into tears. His body aches, each breath harsh and labored as he curls onto his side, coughing and hacking, which only makes the pain worse. Something sharp digs into his side, and the grit of gravel scrapes across his exposed skin. The heaviness of phantom sludge fills his lungs alongside the ache of shame and lingering terror. He knows that not every fight is winnable; he's seen Chizome bloodied and wild-eyed after a defeat, and Izuku himself has seen more than his fair share of losses, but at least in the past he's been able to escape if things started getting bad. This is the first time he's faced an enemy and felt so completely hopeless.
Nothing he'd done had worked. He had been dying, and still hadn't been able to do anything against that villain. He'd been helpless. Useless. All of his training, all the pain and the awful things he's done; what does it amount to if Chizome still has to save him?
There's a large hand on his back, patting just a little too hard as it tries to calm the coughing and the desperate gasps for breath. Izuku does his best to paste on a smile despite the way his eyes are hot and itchy with tears and he still feels a bit like he's drowning right here in the open air. With another shuddering breath to steel himself, he opens his eyes and rolls over to face what he's sure will be an amusing mix of worry and disappointment on his guardian's face.
Instead, he finds All Might crouched a mere foot from him, hand still held out like he's wondering whether he should keep smacking Izuku on the back or not. His brain, still slow from a lack of oxygen and the near death experience, practically short circuits. Did he die? Is this heaven?
The screech that escapes his raw throat makes All Might jerk back, brow creasing a little bit despite the trademark smile that stays stretched over his face. Izuku stumbles through an apology, then a nearly incoherent string of gratitude and babbling about how you're my favorite hero, Mister All Might, sir, I want to be just like you, I can't believe you're really here right now – and if he hadn't been seconds away from dying without ever meeting the number one hero, he might have been embarrassed about the display. As it is, though, he's mostly just thrilled that he's getting this chance at all!
"Oh!" he gasps, stumbling to his feet, head whipping around despite how it makes his brain feel like someone stuffed a baffling mix of jelly and rocks inside his skull. "Autograph! I need– I need my backpack! I need your autograph!"
"No worries, my boy!" All Might laughs, and Izuku's heart feels all fluttery inside his chest. If he wasn't concerned about losing his contacts, he'd probably be crying hard enough to drown them both right here beneath the bridge. "I already signed your notebook! There are some very impressive notes in there."
Another wave of gratitude is on Izuku's lips before his favorite hero's words click in his head. All Might is smiling as he thrusts a familiar black notebook towards him, his signature scrawled across two pages near the very back, a cute little doodle in the corner.
It's the notebook.
The one that's half filled with innocent notes on costumes and questions about quirks, and half full of coded breakdowns of heroes' weaknesses and worthiness in excruciating detail. And now The Symbol of Peace's name is there, too, just a few pages away from all the heroes that Izuku's had a hand in maiming and killing.
All Might is still smiling as Izuku tentatively accepts the notebook, handling it like broken glass; like the sharp edges of his failures and sins will slice cleanly through tendons and blood vessels if he isn't careful. The pages crinkle in his shaking hands, already marring his favorite hero's fleeting presence in his life. He can't bear to look at the smile that always made him feel like things would be okay, back when he was all alone and afraid every moment of every day. Only now it's here and real and directed right at him, instead of diluted by the pixels of a tv or laptop. The power of it is almost overwhelming. He doesn't deserve to have a person as good as All Might so near to him.
Everyone in this notebook winds up hurt, he thinks, words catching behind his clenched teeth, and the signature blurs before his eyes as tears well up. Please don't add your name to the list.
All Might leans back, rises to his feet, and says something that Izuku can't quite process over the buzzing inside his brain. All Might's name is in his notebook. A tear splashes to the page, making the ink run in what probably would have been a family heirloom in another life. Stain admires the hero, but he's so close to Izuku now, and it feels like any hero that gets too close winds up being targeted. Maybe that idolation will be enough to spare him; after all, Stain's favorite topic to rant about is how All Might is the only true hero, the example to hold all others against. Even if that somehow isn't enough, All Might is strong! He's the greatest hero alive! Stain's talked a lot about how All Might is the best and how he's the only hero he'd be okay with losing to, so Izuku is pretty sure that if it came to a fight between the two, the number one hero would come out on top. It makes him feel marginally better about the whole situation since as long as All Might was able to maintain enough distance between them, his arsenal of long range attacks would be enough to incapacitate Stain without losing a single drop of blood, which would—
Izuku stops breathing as a strange, sudden realization strikes him.
All Might could beat Stain in a fight. If Izuku was with All Might, then he wouldn't have to worry about the hero trying to help him being hurt or killed. All Might could rescue him. He could keep him safe and far away from the mess his life's become, just like he used to dream he would. Even if the hero finds out what he's done and can't forgive him, Izuku thinks it would be worth it if he could escape from Stain without getting anyone else hurt.
This is his chance.
"I need to be going," All Might is saying, eyes on the skyline as he shakes out his limbs in preparation. Izuku can hear the villain sloshing around in his pocket, and it makes his stomach roll. His hand is shaking as he holds it out towards All Might's broad back, chasing something he's believed to be impossible for so long.
"Wait," he says, voice coming out cracked and fragile, barely above a whisper. It's obvious that the hero doesn't hear him as he readies himself to leap, still saying his goodbyes with a voice that booms like a detonation inside the covered space.
Izuku scrambles up, grabbing his bag with one hand, diving to scoop up his knife and quickly hide it in his pocket with the other. Some distant, traitorous part of his mind that is used to cataloguing mistakes lights up, shocked that the number one hero wouldn't have cleared the scene before leaving, or waited for emergency medical services to arrive for the victim of an attack. He shoves those thoughts away with the kind of desperation that makes his head ache; he can't afford to have any doubts right now.
All Might waves. He crouches, muscles bunching, smile wide and eyes on the sky. Izuku draws a sharp breath and launches himself forward, catching the hero's leg and clinging as tightly as he can as the ground falls away beneath him, and his heart drops with it.
"Wait! I need your help! I have to—"
"What do you think you're doing?!" All Might sounds aghast, what little Izuku can hear around the air screaming past his ears. "Let go!"
"If I let go, I'll die!" Izuku cries back, though he wonders if maybe All Might would be doing himself and the world at large a favor by shaking him off.
"Ah. Right, of course. Then just…hang on until I find somewhere to land."
Mentally, Izuku cringes and checks the box for actually kind of stupid on his mental profile of All Might. It's fine. Kind of refreshing, really, that even Stain's favorite hero has some very human flaws. Maybe this will get some leeway for other heroes, too.
They settle on a rooftop, and Izuku wastes precious seconds trying to get his feet under him and his knees to stop shaking long enough to stand. His stomach keeps churning, threatening to make him throw up all over himself right in front of his idol. The world keeps tilting and swaying around him. Maybe worst of all, his contacts are definitely all messed up now, and their dry edges are scratching his eyeballs! That's a sensation he literally never wants to feel again, thanks.
All Might has already walked away, putting space between them as he says something about banging on the door until someone lets him in. Wrong, that's bad, something's wrong, Izuku's mind screams, but he ignores it. The hero hovers at the edge of the roof, and Izuku can see the tension in the stiff line of his shoulders as he prepares to leave again. This is his chance. It will be his only chance.
"Wait! Please!" he cries, voice cracking pathetically. There must be something there, some tiny hint of the desperation that's rising within him, building up year after year even though he's tried so hard to bury it away and pretend like it doesn't exist. "Please. I need to know…."
Can you help me?
Can I be saved?
Do I deserve to be?
The scar on his cheek throbs like a reminder. Like an answer, whispering no-never, no-never, no-never, with every desperate beat of his heart. He swallows hard around the knot of uncertainty inside his throat and reminds himself that All Might isn't like other heroes. This is a man who has a chance against Stain; someone that the Hero Killer himself holds as the pillar that all other heroes should strive for. He has to be brave now, like All Might, if he wants a chance to get out of the mess he's made.
He takes a deep breath and forces himself to meet the hero's eyes with a steady determination that makes the man jolt back a step. His smile does not falter, though Izuku can see the sheen of sweat as it drips down his face, catching in the crease of that ever present smile. You have to be brave now, he thinks. Be brave, like All Might. The words are comforting in their familiarity, repeated over and over in every scary moment from the last ten years. A mantra to get him through the worst times, when blood coated his hands or when the loneliness and uncertainty felt like it was tearing holes in his chest.
"All Might. You're the strongest hero, so…." Another deep breath. His nails bite into his palms as he balls his hands into fists and wishes they'd stop shaking. Be brave. "I need help—"
All Might disappears in a puff of smoke.
Izuku screams, and he spins, searching for any sign of an attacker as he draws his knife. This isn't Stain's usual MO, which means that someone else was targeting them. He scans rooftops and the clear blue sky above them, searches windows and fire escapes, but…there's nothing. The world around them is quiet and empty, aside from the two of them, and by the time he directs his gaze back towards where the smoke is clearing, he finds a stranger standing in All Might's place.
Izuku screeches again, the brief thought flashing through his head that he'd been tricked by an imposter, a fake, before logic kicks in and reminds him that very few people would be able to carry out all of the feats he'd seen this person perform in a short span of time. His eyes scan over the skeletal frame of the man in front of him, doubled over, gasping and coughing until a small splatter of blood spills over the protective cover of his hands and falls to the roof's tarmac. His hair is the same, though it now hangs limply around his sunken face. The casual way he's dressed is also the same, only in this form the fabric hangs off his frame like a child playing dress up in their parents' clothing. He looks exhausted and in pain in the same way that Chizome did when he'd broken half his bones but insisted on fighting through the agony anyway.
Then, through what must be a haze of unbearable pain, those familiar electric blue eyes glance up at Izuku, and he just knows. The smile might be gone, but this is definitely All Might. He tucks the knife away again, hoping the hero hadn't noticed it while he was busy fighting for breath.
"You're hurt," Izuku says, taking a cautious step forward. Every hero reacts differently to being cornered, and he's not sure whether All Might is going to be the type to just sit down and wait for whatever this is to be over, or if he's going to start swinging at any perceived threat, or even try to flee by throwing himself the rest of the way over the railing at his back. Those last two options would be very bad for everyone involved, and Izuku doesn't want him to hurt himself worse than he obviously already is.
Careful to telegraph his movement, Izuku swings his backpack to the front and opens it up, narrating his intentions as he does, digging out the small first aid kit he always carries with him. When he holds it out like an offering, though, All Might just shakes his head.
"Old injury," the man croaks, voice no longer booming and bright, grimacing like the words hurt him to admit. There's blood on his teeth and smeared around his mouth. He settles himself slowly to the ground, stiff and careful and practiced.
Izuku digs out the little package of wet wipes he keeps in the kit and kneels down as well, sliding them across the space stretching between them. All Might grunts a little as he leans forward to pick it up, then sighs and settles back. Izuku can't help but feel a little glow of pride as the hero he's looked up to for as long as he can remember opens the package up and pulls one out.
"I'm trusting you not to go blabbing about this to all of your friends," All Might says as he dabs tenderly at the blood on his chin. There's a shakiness to his hands that makes Izuku's stomach clench to see. It feels dirty, somehow, to see this moment of weakness that All Might obviously didn't want to show him.
"Of course," Izuku says immediately. He doesn't have many of those, anyway, so it's not a hard promise to make.
"No news stations or social media, either." All Might sounds dubious, but Izuku just nods resolutely. Even if he did have access to either of those things, he would never, so no problem at all.
The man watches him for a few long seconds, then bows his head, shoulders hunching. He looks…very small, and very human in a way the All Might on screen never has been. It's strange to see this other side of the number one hero, but the more Izuku thinks about it, the more a secondary form makes a certain amount of sense. No one's quite sure what All Might's quirk actually is, so it's completely plausible that his abilities would tie into a physical transformation. Not particularly common, but certainly not unheard of! It would also explain how it was that no one had ever managed to get any paparazzi pictures of the hero's rather distinctive frame outside of his hero work! Even Endeavor and Best Jeanist had been featured on the cover of trashy rags in their gym clothes or while doing their shopping every once in a while, yet no one's ever managed to catch the Number One hero unprepared. It's weird to see All Might without his usual fearless smile, but it does make a lot of sense.
"The smile's the bit that weirds you out about this whole thing?" All Might asks with a snort, shaking his head, and Izuku flushes bright red at the realization that he'd spoken his thoughts aloud. He'd thought that Stain had successfully trained him out of mumbling years ago, but apparently being this close to his favorite hero brings out his worst habits again.
"Sorry," he murmurs, not sure of what else to say. All Might shakes his head, and the pale imitation of his usual smile flits ghostlike across his face before abruptly dropping. A grimace takes its place.
"Fearless smile, huh? Glad it's still fooling everyone, at least. Sorry to break it to you, kid, but behind that smile is a whole lot of fear."
"Well, yeah. Of course there is," Izuku says, head tipping like he's confused that All Might even felt the need to say it. "Any hero worth their license knows that every fight could be the end of them, yet you keep smiling even though you're afraid. Seeing that gives people hope that things will be okay, no matter how bad their situation is. There aren't a lot of heroes who can do that so effortlessly. Even though you weren't there in person, you…your smile brought me a lot of comfort, too, at a time when I really needed it. You do so much for so many people, when you smile through your fear. That's why I admire you so much."
All Might stares back at him, something like surprise flickering in those sunken eyes before his gaze goes soft. A beat, then a smile twitches at his lips. Though it's smaller, something about it feels more genuine than the ones he'd leveled at Izuku before.
"You sound like you speak from experience," the hero says. Izuku jolts at the implication, and for one awful second the thought that All Might knows exactly who he is and what he's done flashes through his head. Before he can panic, All Might continues, "Do you have a family member in the hero business?"
Izuku pauses, heart in his throat as he considers. Thoughts of the days before Stain, when it was just Stendhal patrolling the streets and stopping criminals, back when all that Izuku was expected to do was help people, fill his mind. Back then, he wouldn't have hesitated with his answer. Even though Stendhal had done bad things, it was always because he wanted to be good in the end and make the world a better place. Maybe...maybe someday he can go back to that. Helping people just because, like a hero should. Maybe once the false heroes are gone, Chizome can let himself be a real hero, too.
"Something like that," Izuku mumbles, not meeting All Might's searching gaze. A cool wind rustles his hair, drying the sweat that's clinging to the back of his neck and bringing with it the smell of blood and sun-warmed tarmac.
"I see," the hero hums, and Izuku holds his breath. Then, as if he's made a decision, he nods his head. The lank blond strands of hair sway with the motion, and without preamble, All Might raises the hem of his shirt.
Izuku's blood runs cold at the sight of the horrific scarring that twists his torso into the mere farce of human-shaped. Despite the stitches being long healed and the wound itself scarred over, the skin is still a bright, angry red. Almost infected looking as it caves in parts of his abdomen, skin and muscles and bone all concave and gaping in ways no human body should have been able to survive. Izuku shakes his head as he takes in the damage, though All Might is steady as he continues.
"Pretty nasty, huh? Got it in a big fight about five years back. I lost my whole stomach, and my respiratory system was pretty much destroyed. It can't be fixed, and at this point, all the surgeries have basically worn me out. I can only do hero work about three hours a day. The rest of the time, I look like this."
"Five years ago…so Toxic Chainsaw did this to you?" Izuku muses faintly. His head is spinning a little bit as he takes in the injury and all the horrifying new information that's just been dumped on him. He tries to remember where Toxic Chainsaw is imprisoned; wonders if Chizome has the right connections to bring the man the justice he truly deserves. But why is All Might telling him this?
"You know your stuff." The hero seems a little impressed, and any other time, Izuku would be glowing with pride. He can't find it in himself to feel anything more than sick right now. "I should have figured, after seeing that notebook. But no. It was someone else that the public wouldn't have heard about."
He's still talking, but Izuku can't focus on that anymore as his eyes stay glued on that angry old wound. The world around him is swaying a little bit, like the building may crumble away beneath his feet with one strong gust of wind. The notebook. All Might's name is in his notebook.
All Might is here. Spilling all of his secrets to Izuku, laying out such a horrible and fatal weakness to a stranger, the only proof he has that it won't be used against him his faith in the goodness of people. Even after being hurt so badly, he's still so full of trust.
And here Izuku is, the accomplice to a hero killer. Responsible for ending several promising heroes' careers by his own hands, even. He's letting All Might put his faith in the wrong hands, letting such a private part of himself be held by someone with blood beneath their fingernails, and Izuku is too cowardly to open his mouth and tell him to stop. It's so painfully obvious that the number one hero is tired and hurting and burned out, and yet he's still doing his very best to push through it all and keep smiling despite how much it must hurt. The mere thought of heaping yet another burden on top of those thin shoulders by asking for help feels unforgivable.
Tears spring to his eyes, making All Might's suddenly worried face swim before him. This man is just so good, and Izuku doesn't deserve to be close enough to sully him. It's not fair for him to expect anyone to save him, especially not now that he knows All Might has been injured all this while. He has a time limit, and all that Stain would have to do to defeat him is wait it out. How has he been fighting like this while smiling for so long?
(The reasoning behind those strange, rushed mistakes suddenly click into place in his mind. Some terrible part of him seems to sag in relief as it's soothed with the knowledge that there was a reason for them.)
And oh, that makes something in his chest twist like a knife, sparking a blaze of fury deep inside him. Does the Hero Commission know about this? There's no way they don't! Yet here All Might is, taking care of petty villains, running himself so ragged that he's left vulnerable and bleeding, spilling his guts – ha – to some random kid who could use this to get the number one hero, the only true hero, killed so so easily. It makes him sick.
He needs to leave. It will be better for both of them if he stops allowing himself to indulge silly dreams like this. All Might can't save him.
That's okay. Deep down, he's always known that no one ever could. This is just one final confirmation, ten years too late.
"I'm sorry, All Might, sir," he says, cutting into the hero's quiet words. He doesn't know what it is he's interrupted, but the dull pounding in his head and the pain inside his chest make it so hard to care right now. "I need to get going. Do you need help getting down from here?"
"I don't need help," he says, brow furrowing. He looks concerned, and Izuku can feel the weight of those electric eyes as they assess him. The feeling of them catching on the scars crisscrossing the hint of bare skin that peeks out from beneath his windblown clothing feels like bugs crawling across his scalp. He feels it when the focus shifts to the edge of the scar that shows over the top of his askew medical mask. He wonders if it's obvious that he's wearing contacts now, what with how irritated his eyes are and the way they're definitely not centered anymore. He'll need to take them out the second he's far enough away, before they somehow manage to cause permanent damage. His ragged old All Might hoodie hangs off of him (and oh, isn't that embarrassing now that he's allowing himself to think about it) and there are rips and tatters in everything he owns, from the soles of his shoes to the backpack hanging limply from his shoulders. The blood stains on his clothes never quite wash out no matter how hard he scrubs.
He feels that careful gaze measuring his worth, just like so many people have before, weighing his soul in the palm of one massive hand. It's never held any value to anyone except Chizome before. He doesn't want to know if that's changed; is just as terrified at the thought of All Might finding him worthless as he is of the man deciding he deserves to be helped.
He doesn't know what he was thinking, trying to drag another hero into his mess. It's so obvious that he doesn't belong anywhere near their world. At least with Stain he's been able to help society by weeding out the bad ones. That, and he can keep his guardian from being too harsh when doling out his punishments. He helps keep him in line, and that matters. It's all he's good for, really.
(He wishes there was more to him than that, but an extension of Chizome is all he's ever known himself to be.)
"You needed something, didn't you, my boy?" All Might asks carefully, struggling to push himself to his feet. The question punches the breath from his lungs, chills racing up and down his spine at the thought of this husk of a man coming anywhere near Stain, but…. He wants to help. He saw all these ugly pieces of Izuku, and he's still extending his hand.
Chizome was right about him being a true hero, though that doesn't come as any kind of surprise to Izuku. He's always believed in All Might.
Warmth blooms in his cheeks at All Might's gentle tone, the words my boy echoing inside his head and building pressure behind his eyes. Izuku's heart hurts just watching his hero fight to get his feet beneath him. Guilt gnaws at his insides, and he doesn't know how he ever thought that getting near him would cause either of them anything more than grief and pain.
Worse, he still can't help but think, I wish, I wish, I wish—
"No," Izuku lies with a smile. "I'm just a big fan, that's all. I guess I let my excitement get the better of me."
"Are you sure? Because if you need help, with anything at all, I am here. I'd be happy, if you'd let me help you."
That's all he's wanted to hear for so many years. A whimper catches in his throat, and he clenches his teeth so hard it's a miracle they don't crack. His smile stretches wider, just like All Might's.
Just like Stain's.
"Thank you," he says. And then he takes a running start, and throws himself over the edge of the building.
The wind whistles past his ears, stealing the air from his lungs, but it's not enough to drown out All Might's horrified cry. He sends a silent apology for scaring him, but that's all he can do. His knees creak as he lands hard on the neighboring rooftop, and he hisses as he feels his ankle twinge just before he goes into a roll to redistribute the pressure of the rough landing. His heart is thudding inside his chest when he pops back up to his feet, hands a little shaky from the adrenaline and the way his heart feels like it's trying to leap out of his chest and return to All Might's side.
He chokes the feeling down and pauses only long enough to glance over his shoulder for one final look. All Might stares back, looking lost and a little helpless. His hand is extended, and there's nothing in the world that Izuku wants more than to reach back to him and grab it. It breaks his heart to have to turn away.
Before he can think about it too much and risk giving in to his desires, Izuku gives a jaunty little wave and turns on his heel to keep running. In the distance, a small plume of smoke has begun to rise above the buildings. Maybe he'll check it out, since he knows now that All Might can use all the help he can get; Izuku could also use a distraction right about now, anyway.
Izuku, seeing All Might in his muscle form: A himbo who can help me. :)
Izuku, once he sees All Might deflate and learns about his injury: That's just a Good Man who I should keep safe by keeping 123456789 miles away from any of my personal problems. :')