AN: It's Monday People! Y'all know what that means!

Restricted W.T.F. Files

Incident: "Youth-Enasia"

(Then: Gluttony, Orphanage)

A pair of blue eyes cracked open and looked up. Bars on the window. A bed too small for his body. A cell he was almost too large for.

"Fu-u-u-uck." The owner of the eyes groaned. He thought about the night before, what was asked of him, "Dammit, Tex, that is the last fucking time I help you do anything."

"Help?! You fucking call this helping?!" A large, black furred Hound with one eye scowled as he pushed himself off of the ground. "When and why the fuck did we get arrested?!"

"I don't think we did, dipshit." Naruto snarled as he carefully pushed himself off the bed that was making ominous groans. He let his shoulders sag once his feet touched the floor and grimaced. "We're in my room."

"The fuck are you talking abou–?"

"My first room, Tex." Naruto deadpanned as he went to the cell-like door and grabbed the questionably rusted metal gate. "In the Gluttony Orphanage."

"…Didn't this building get wrecked last year in that Hellquake?"

"Yep." Naruto huffed and growled. He jerked his arm and smirked when the door broke off the hinges. "Still works, they haven't replaced it yet."

"What in the shit do you mean yet?" Vortex asked with a scowl. Naruto sighed.

"It's time travel, Vortex–I know, I think it sounds stupid as fuck, too! But you explain this shit, dude."

"..Fuck it, whatever, let's just try to get back home."

"That's the right attitude to have–Oof!" Naruto jerked back and clutched his stomach with one hand. "Fucker!"

"That's for causing this shit show."

"You don't fucking know that I did it!"

"I sure as fuck know that I didn't fucking do it!"

"So it had to be me?"

"Obviously."

"...You know what? Fuck you, Tex."

"Not even if I was fucking wasted, Runt."

(Now: Gluttony, Hellhound Heights, Uzumaki Residence)

Loona woke up in her boyfriend's bed to the sound of two voices arguing faintly nearby. As her mind came to full awareness, she let herself be absorbed in the foul mouthed yaps.

"This is your fault, Runt!"

"My fault!? Nuh-uh, Nubis, you're the one that wanted to do something fun today! I wanted to get back at Fifi and her little bitch brother!"

"And now we got stranded in the fucking who knows where! This is how Pups get fucking trafficked, dumbass!"

"Hey, fuck you, dude! This whole 'let's go fuck with the development lot in the Heights' was your fucking brainchild!"

"You saying I have bad ideas, Runt?!"

"Well I was thinkin' about whispering it–Yeah, Fatass, I'm sayin' you have bad ideas!"

"Who the fuck is making so much fucking noise–?!" Loona snarled as she threw the comforter and sheets aside and stormed over to the source of the voices. Outside of the room where the bickering occurred, Himawari stood and shifted from one foot to another as a soft whine emitted from her mouth.

Irritated at being woken up by some potential robbers and now on full alert since her puppy – papers were being processed, fuck off on the specifications – was in distress, Loona was grateful that after their romp last night, and before he was called away to go help Vortex with something, her boyfriend convinced her to snag one of his old shirts to bundle up in. She let out a soft rumble that Himawari picked up on, judging by the way her ear flicked her way. The pup looked up at her and opened her mouth, but remained quiet with a gesture. She knelt next to the puppy and pulled her into a hug, only to immediately be assaulted by nuzzles as the puppy let out even louder whimpers and whines.

"Heema, what's wrong?" She asked lowly.

"It smells like Daddy, but it's not! It's wrong and different and-and I'm scared, and I want to be a big girl, but..but I want Daddy, Mama." Himawari whimpered as she curled into Loona's embrace.

"Shh, it's okay, Squirt. Daddy will be home soon, why don't we go use our big tub and start a bath, huh?" Loona soothed the pup and carried her away from the loudly bickering duo that was in the locked closet. Once she'd gotten her puppy situated in a warm bath to settle her frayed nerves, Loona pulled a pair of her spare shorts on and then stormed the closet with a snarl. Once her eyes acclimated to the darkness her snarl stopped and her jaw faltered.

"Hot damn, look at this bitch, Runt!" A large rotund pup with dark fur and a Wolf baseline perked up, his red eyes roamed over her body. He was maybe twice Himawari's age. "Today's already gettin fuckin better!"

It was his partner in crime that gave her genuine pause, however. The little pup with orange, brown and cream colored fur glowered up at Loona with two bright blue eyes and a snarl that made his lips pull back and bare not quite fully grown teeth. His hackles were raised and his tail, a bottle brush of an appendage, floofed out like there was no tomorrow.

To Loona, it was as if someone took all the best, non-sexy aspects of her boyfriend and crammed it into a puppy form to make what had to be one of the most adorable things she'd ever seen – Himawari existed, and Loona's Heema was the only fucking pup she'd thought she'd consider being the most adorable thing in Hell.

"Try using your nose instead of your dick, Tex." Sorry, that horny little chunk of fur was who?! ..Actually, that almost made sense. The little doppelgänger wannabe Naruto crossed his arms and dropped his snarl to scowl at Loona. "She's got a male already."

"..Huh, she does and…Dude, have you ever met someone that smelled like you?"

"Yeah all the time..Hey!"

Loona couldn't help herself. She snagged the pup-Naru's scruff and hugged him to her chest.

"My puppies are gonna be fucking adorable mongrels." She muttered with a smug grin on her face. She held the furious little bastard out under his pits and smirked at him. "Naruto, right?"

"Nonya, actually. Nonya Bizness." Yeah, this was totally Naruto. "Now put me down bitch! I have to get back to the orphanage before curfew–!"

"Lie." Loona shook her head. "Look, brass tacks? You two either time travelled or de-aged. Either way? You two aren't going fucking anywhere until we get you back to normal or back to your time."

"The fuck–?"

"I read a lot of shit at work. Paradoxes & Docking were not what I had expected to read about in Bitch Weekly, but it was an interesting article." Loona admitted with a shrug.

"Huh?"

"Just come downstairs and I'll get you some leftovers to eat, alright? And don't fuck with any photos."

"Fine…Will you put me down?"

"Probably not. It's weird being bigger than you."

""That's what she said!"" The two pups chirped before they started snickering. Loona rolled her eyes but continued her trek with the pup-version of her boyfriend in hand. She couldn't wait to see how the rest of the Pack reacted to this development.

It was bound to be hilarious.

AN: No, again, I refuse to explain.