"Tomorrow is closed
There's no future anymore
We burned it all down, down to the ground
Oh, I saw it written on the bathroom wall
I've lost my place, we all have
But I hope someday we're gonna get it back"
- Nothing But Thieves
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Soujiro and I finished playing video games and watched a movie before we ordered in for dinner. We decided on sushi, because we are still the sushi couple. It was pretty good, and he seemed super satisfied with everything. Which makes me glad; I don't want him to ever feel like he has to go without anything in life just because he had to leave his dad, as well as what he is accustomed to.
But I won't lie. I can't. I think he's going to have to adapt to the kind of lifestyle I've always lead before I met him. I'm still nervous about having to introduce him to my house when we go back tomorrow. Sanosuke texted me to let me know that he'll take the truck back after school tomorrow, and will drive us back to my place. It sucks that he can't spend time with us afterwards, but maybe it's for the best. I think I'd rather face the embarrassment alone when Soujiro can take a look around my place.
Oh well. It's better than having Soujiro go back to his dad's. It simply cannot happen. Not on my watch.
It's about six in the evening and I hook my laptop up. We are sitting near a desk inside our hotel room. I make sure the webcam and audio settings are working before we talk to that girl that Shishio had hurt before. Soujiro is quiet during all of this, sitting on the bed behind me, and has his hands over his kneecaps. His head is facing the floor and everything. It hurts my heart to see him like this, and so I place my hand on his hand in a comforting manner.
"You alright?" I ask him, giving that hand a squeeze.
He grunts, but still manages to nod his head, "Yeah.."
"You're nervous."
"I am."
"I'm right here, you know."
"I know."
Silence.
"Tell me what you're nervous about."
"Kenshin," He sighs, "You know of my past now. Talking about things like that would make any survivor nervous."
I turn to him completely, "I get that. Are you worried that you're going to have some kind of episode or something?"
He chuckles at me uneasily, "I guess you still haven't forgotten about that shower episode when you asked if someone raped me."
"Naturally."
He sighs, "That was so embarrassing of me."
"It wasn't. It really broke me to see you like that."
He looks at me, surprised.
"Really?"
"I swear. It wasn't your fault. At all."
We are quiet now, and he looks at my lap in contemplation. Sanosuke and Yahiko both let me know by text a little while back that she's also finishing up dinner and is trying to set everything up on her end, and an email confirmation came through from her to get inside the room. I'm in there right now on the laptop, and there's a message there saying to wait for the other participator to come in. Every passing minute of her not showing up seems to make Soujiro and I more and more anxious, but I can't let it show on my face. Not while he's already sweating in his seat like this.
"If I do have an episode," Soujiro whispers carefully, placing his hand on top of my own, "Would you get upset if I have to get up and leave the room?"
"Don't walk outside of the hotel, but maybe just go into the bathroom. Or the kitchen. Or the hallway outside of the front door. But.." I smile, "Sure. I won't get mad. Why would I be?"
He looks at me, clearly amoured by my kindness, "I could just kiss your right now. But that web camera is creeping me out."
I chuckle, "I understand."
We hear a sound coming from the laptop, prompting us both to turn our faces towards it. It's time. I can hear Soujiro straighten up in his seat uncomfortably from behind me, and I accept the call. The screen is split into two and we see ourselves on top, and the girl in question on the bottom. She seems to be lying on her bed and looks a little tired in general. Either that, or already preoccupied that this might be an emotional time for her to get through.
Never the less, she smiles mutely and waves her hand with a quiet, "Hello."
Shura. She's one of Shishio's victims, and here she is, ready to talk about what happened between the two of them. She is a very pretty girl, with a smooth complexion, and long dark hair. Her brown eyes are large and alert, yet there is a hint of darkness underneath them. Not to mention the subtle red tint in her gaze as well. Again, I don't know if that's from exhaustion, or that she's already feeling emotional that she's about to dive into this topic with us.
Regardless, I think she's doing something incredibly brave here.
"Hey," I respond with my own little hand wave to greet her in return, "Thanks for doing this. Are you going to be alright?"
She nods with a polite demeanor, "Yeah. I'll be okay. I've been to therapy over this, and I know exactly what to say thanks to my therapist. I think I'll be alright. I'm Shura, by the way. I went to your school at one point. You must be Kenshin."
"Yeah," I nod, and point my finger over my shoulder, "He's Soujiro, by the way. He's new at our school, but I wanted him to be in this call because Shishio bullied him before, and it would be nice for him to hear from your side as well. If that's fine with you, of course."
"Yeah, sure! I don't mind!"
"So," Soujiro finally speaks up shyly from behind, "How did you and Shishio.. meet? I mean.. How did you guys.. got to know each other?"
"Well," She sighs, looking up at the ceiling above her, "I was about fifteen when I met him by accident. It was through a house party of a mutual friend of someone else I knew at the time. It was thrown in one of those sketchy neighborhoods back in Kyoto. I honestly forgot the borough's name and everything. But it was a real crappy place. I think it's only good for people who really want to throw down because the cops don't like venturing through there at night, if they can help it."
"I might've swung by once or twice, then." I shrug.
"It's a good party place," She chuckles, albeit reluctantly given the circumstances, "I always blamed myself for going there in the first place, to be honest. It's really no place for a very young girl to be going into. But I wanted to see my friends there and they wanted to see if I would chicken out or not. So of course I took up the challenge. And my crush was there. So it was a given that I had to be there if he was."
"Was he there?" Soujiro pipes up. At least he's starting to lighten up.
She laughs, "Yeah! I saw him briefly. But when he was doing something else, I went into that house party's kitchen area and that's.. that's when I saw him. Makoto Shishio."
My eyes frown deeper, and no doubt Soujiro's are as well.
"Please, continue." I urge her.
She hesitates, looking at her chest uneasily and trying to brace herself to tell her story.
"Well.. He was leaning against the kitchen counter when I walked in. He looked really deep in thought about something. I guess maybe something serious was happening in his life, because he didn't even hear me come in at all, until he heard me set down my drink on the counter near him. When he opened his eyes and saw me, I remember.. I remember how dead serious he looked. I don't know if it's the party lights coming from the open door behind me, but.. those eyes were blood red. He looked so scary."
Soujiro and I are quiet, waiting for her to continue.
"I apologized to him and tried to walk away quickly, but he told me to stay. That I wasn't bothering him. And then he started to ask me questions. Questions about myself. My name. Who I was with. If I was going out with anyone right now. How old I was. Everything. And I should have known better. I know this by now. But at the time, he looked like an older, much cooler version of my crush, and I.. I don't know. I felt mesmerized by him, in a way. I felt like he really paid attention to me. When I was in that part, all those guys would much rather talk to other girls or my friends instead of me. Shishio made me feel like a grown up, in a way. Someone important.
He got to the fridge and made me drink some alcoholic beverages. I even saw him do this with my own eyes. He didn't seemed to care that what we did was illegal. Then again, I'm sure the entire party itself was illegal, and I wouldn't put it past my friends that they were off doing drugs without my knowledge. Especially since I couldn't reach them by phone that night. He kept talking to me, and he talked about himself a lot. About his deadbeat dad. About how he hopes to get out of Kyoto someday. How his friends seem dead on the inside, but I looked like I still had life and innocence inside my eyes. That it was his favorite color, and what a coincidence that I was there tonight. Like it was fate, or destiny.
He made me feel so good about myself. And I know it was just one night. But I was a real romantic back then. I thought maybe I had found love. It's addicting when you've lived a life of feeling like you're lacking a lot. I mean, not to get into too much about myself, but I felt so insecure about my body because it wasn't developing as quickly as my other friends' were. It helped them get attention from the guys at our school. I seemed to have been a late bloomer in comparison. Shishio told me I looked so beautiful that night, and that I had nothing to be shy about. I really hung onto his every word that night."
She takes in a sharp breath and blinks her tears away, and I knew it was coming to that part of that story. I lean in carefully into the webcam, as if in some way of wishing I could reach out and touch her shoulder, but all I could do was mumble, "Hey. It's okay. Take your time."
"Yeah," Soujiro also leans in a little closer, his head right above my right shoulder from behind me, "If this isn't the right time, we always have next time."
"No," She sighs, "I can't do next time. I have to do this now. I'd rather just everything done and over with by tonight. It would be for the best."
We're both quiet again, and she takes a few deep breaths to calm her nerves before she continues on with her account.
"I guess I was so distracted by his talking, that I hardly even noticed that he somehow slipped something into my drink. I was so busy just looking into those eyes of his, and when someone else came in to tell me something, that's when he probably laced my drink. It was so quick that neither me or that other person caught on in time. He handed me my new drink and I accepted it. We chatted for a bit, and I.. I remember feeling so sleepy all of a sudden. Like my head was inside some water tank, and everything felt oozy. I could hardly stand up straight anymore, and he helped me. We walked through the party and up the stairs. I don't know what really happened, because my vision started blacking out. But I remember the sounds. The sounds of a bed creaking. The feeling of someone on top of me. I remember the taste of my tears coming down inside my mouth. And the pain.."
"Shura.." Soujiro whispers, already taken back by this horrible story. Even I'm cemented in my seat and staring on, completely aghast by what I'm hearing.
"I only had sex once before. I would think it wouldn't hurt as badly as it should have. But it did. He went at it too hard and it really hurt. I remember going in and out of consciousness. I woke up all alone when it was all over. I remember looking out for him. I remember calling out his name. I remember almost wanting to forgive him. To talk to me again. I wanted that attention again. I wanted.. I wanted.."
She starts breaking down and starts to cry into her hands, and I jump in quickly, "Shura. That's enough. I think we have what we need for now."
"Y-yeah," Soujiro gulps, "This is too much. I am so glad that you're doing this, but.. please stop. For your sake."
Her face is tinted red while burying it in her hands, completely silent. Only her shoulders and her frame shake ever so slightly from the impact of her crying. This is fucking horrendous. I always knew Shishio was diabolical, but to really see a victim like this really makes his evil all the more concrete for me.
I turn to Soujiro now, "Soujiro.. You never told me whether your dad spoke to those police officers about Shishio. What happened there?"
"I.. I don't know," Soujiro frowns and bites his lower lip, "I think he and his lawyer must've told them off and to leave me alone, because they never reached out to me for any further investigation. But I would think that maybe they're busy with some other case."
"Hmm," I nod, "Yeah. They never reached out to me, either."
"What happened.. with you guys?" She wipes her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Oh, Shishio bullied my friend Soujiro here, and I had a fight with him. The cops got called." I answer her.
"That's horrible," She shakes her head, "Do you guys want to keep in touch? Let's exchange numbers."
"Yeah, that's a great idea! I do need to ask for something else," I start in uneasily, "I mean, it's fine if you can't or don't want to. But are you willing to give your testimony against Shishio if I am brought in for custody or go to court?"
She takes in a breath and nods, "Yeah. I will."
"Shura," Soujiro pipes up happily, "You really are brave! And what happened to you.. it wasn't your fault at all. It was all him. And we're going to help you. We will take him down if it's the last thing we'll ever do."
"We're on your side." I finish after him, and from outside of the camera's view, hold onto his hand in secret.
She smiles mutely, "Thank you, guys. That means everything to me."
We bid our goodbyes for the night before turning off the camera, closing the laptop. I turn to Soujiro now with a friendly smile, "You were great."
"You think so?" He cocks an eyebrow at me, but his smile tells me that even he's proud for keeping himself strong for this call.
I get up from the desk chair and onto the bed to snuggle with him, nodding, "Yeah. I bet she really appreciated that a lot. There's power in numbers when it comes to this kind of stuff."
Soujiro stares off into the distance in silence for a few short moments before he mumbles softly, "I love you, Kenshin."
"Huh?" I blink and slide my arms down to stop embracing him and have him look at me, chuckling, "What was that for?"
"Nothing. I just love you. So much." He smiles in that tired, sad way, and lean in to rest his forehead against my own as a way to emphasize that.
My hands find their way to his to squeeze them lovingly, and I close my eyes, taking in this moment in silence.
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"I love you too, Soujiro."
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That night, we continued watching movies and playing video games before going to sleep. On Sunday morning, we decided to try out the complimentary breakfast downstairs of the hotel, which seemed passable enough. We acted like two friends hanging out as usual, laughing and chatting about our friends, school, and what our plans might look like in the future. We don't mention that we would be in each other's futures as lovers, but as supportive pals; Soujiro has finally come to decide to become a veterinarian after all, and I pretended to be excited about going to college to learn about art history.
Truth be told, I'm still not a hundred percent sure of what it is I really want to do after high school. Before I met Soujiro, I had in my mental imagery, a straight line going into the future: Staying in Kyoto, staying in touch with all my friends while they were off to their own thing, and going to trade school so that I can maybe learn how to fix cars or something. I would stay with Hiko at least for a little while before heading off on my own, making sure to stay close by in case he was still drinking and needed my aid. I didn't had any big dreams. I was content with just being average, because then at least I got to see everyone still.
But when I met Soujiro, and when he saw greater potential in me.. I guess I started to see my own potential to reach for the stars like he is, too. Seeing Soujiro try so hard to get people to like him, to getting good grades, staying out of trouble and pleasing his high achieving father, I guess a part of me wanted to emulate him. I used to think it was envy before, and wanted to destroy him for having so much more than me. But now.. now I'm emulating him because I admire him.
Because I'm in love with him too, on top of that.
"Art history?" Soujiro chides me playfully, "Sure, that sounds like, uh.. an interesting way to stay unemployed. Loser."
I laugh, "It's an interesting topic!"
"It is. I could see you working in museums or something. So romantic."
"You're a sap."
He was going to say something sweet in return, but stops himself. He looks down at his cup while clearing his throat quietly, and I also look to the side to avoid anyone getting too suspicious of us. He looks back up at me and says, "Kenshin. Are you thinking of going home today?"
"Miss Kyoto already?" I smirk, taking a sip of my coffee.
"Well, this area is nice and all, but I'm already bored with it. I'm actually more excited about the area you live in. It must be nice. Being close to nature and all."
"What about that summer house you and your dad are building?"
He shrinks back with a wince, "Ugh. Don't remind me."
"Sorry."
I look at him. Things are really over between him and his father. It must be a first for him to defy his dad so strongly like this. I have to wonder how Soujiro is holding up on the inside. He seems to be doing okay, but I can tell by the way his eyes sometimes takes on that distant look that he is thinking about him. Wondering if his dad is doing okay, despite what is happening right now. Wondering if his dad truly is capable of loving him like a father should. Wondering if he could ever forgive his dad for his crimes..
No. No way. That's just not possible. There's no way that Soujiro could ever forgive that man for all that he's done. That man hates Soujiro for his sexual orientation. He hates his son for being that way. He especially can't be that stupid and think that I'm just a friend to Soujiro if it ever comes to light that Soujiro is going to live with me. And that man is doing incredibly evil and fucked up on top of that.
There's just no way Soujiro could ever even think about forgiving his father. Or to return to him.
Ever.
"If you want," I readjust my weight from where I'm sitting across from him, "We can check out of our room this afternoon and travel in time maybe for dinner at my place. If you want. Might be better that way. We've got school tomorrow, anyway, so it's best we get a move on."
"Yeah," He nods, "That is a good idea."
I was hoping to leave this for tomorrow, due to how embarrassed how I'll feel when Soujiro sees how I live with my dad. But his happiness takes priority over my own uncomfortable feelings. So, today it is.
"Is there something you want to do around here before we go, though?" I whip out my phone and start the search engine to see any attractions around these parts, "We have maybe a good several hours before we can check out of our room."
"Hmm.." He cups his chin with his hand quizzically and looks up at the ceiling as he thinks, "Why not go to the arcade? I had fun the last time we did that."
"Sure. Anything else?"
He giggles, "Karaoke?"
"Gay."
He stares at me in a deadpan, unimpressed expression. I laugh hard.
"Kidding! Hey, there's a community center nearby that has rock climbing. We could do that."
"I hate heights!" He embraces himself with a shiver.
"Really? I'm good at it." I shrug, scrolling through my phone meanwhile.
"That sounds.. interesting." The way he paused there makes me think he wants to call me something else. Like hot. Or sexy, even. I had to hide my smile to myself secretly at that thought.
"There's a thrift store nearby."
"Thrift store? What's that?"
Oh yeah. I forgot. Soujiro's from the rich class.
I shake my head with a sigh, "Never mind, I don't think you'll like it that much. I'll keep looking."
He giggles again, "Alrighty."
He eats his food and I continue to finish up my coffee, still searching through the results. Suddenly, something catches my eye, and I thrust my phone in his face so that he can see it too: "Look. There's this thing where you can go to a room and smash shit around with a baseball bat."
"Uh?" He blinks, grasping my phone with his hand so as to keep it steady and have him read the description, "Oh. A rage room? That's interesting. I've never been. Have you?"
"No, but it sounds fucking awesome!" I take my phone back, "Look, there's even a discounted price for today since it's Sunday. I bet you've got a lot of anger pent up inside of you ready to come out!"
"You mean.. because..?"
"Yeah," I nod encouragingly, "Your dad. That's right."
His eyes widen at me, letting them float down towards his coffee cup in contemplation. I guess maybe this is new for him. Of course he has been angry with his father before, but I bet he's done a lot of suppressing over the years due to fear of being discovered. But I know him. I know this would be good for him. To finally let go of all that rage inside of him against his dad, and see how much rage he's kept in, in order to keep up with appearances. His dad basically ruined his life and his happiness; he's made him feel ashamed for being attracted to other guys instead of girls. His dad is probably a pedophile or a pedophile-enabler too, on top of that.
Of course Soujiro's angry with his father. He has to be.
And I'm going to help him see that today.
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We arrive at the arcade establishment together around half an hour later after breakfast was done. We had some fun playing with some of the machines, and again, we made sure to act like friends together rather than lovers. Soujiro looks so nice with his forest green cardigan, slightly open to reveal a white shirt underneath it. The scoop neck line of the shirt reveals a hint of his chest and collarbones to me, which is a strangely erotic sight to behold. Still, I keep my hands to myself as we venture from one video game machine to the next, laughing and having a good time.
After about an hour of messing around, Soujiro tells me he's ready for the rage room, and we exit out of that building to walk down the blocks for a while before we reach our destination. It's a good thing that it wasn't located too far from the arcade, and we are properly greeted by the front desk receptionist. It was a young guy, not that many years older than us and presumably in college still. He walks on over to us to discuss the package deals. We look over the paper he handed over to us and Soujiro tells him that he would like the half-hour deal, since it's our first time with this kind of thing.
The guy happily accepts it and tells me the price, which was fine by me. I pay with my debit card and Soujiro stands nearby, watching this transaction with a face that doesn't look all that happy to me. The guy then walks us over into the "wreck room" and gives us some goggles to go over our eyes, as well as a protective helmet to go over our heads. We were also given gloves for our hands and a see-through raincoat type of covering to go over our entire body to protect us from flying debris.
"The rules are simple," The receptionist starts counting with his fingers, "You will be watched by that camera in that corner over there. However, the sound will be muted. You can cuss and yell all to your heart's content thanks to that, as courtesy to our customers' protection. You will not enact violence on each other, not even playfully; otherwise, this will all stop, and the police will be notified to come for your arrest. You may not hit the baseball bats against the floor, the walls, the security camera, or the ceilings. You can smash all the bottles and other materials in this room all you like. You may not remove your goggles or other protective gear during your half an hour marathon due to safety regulations. Other than that, have fun! Do you have any questions for me before you begin?"
"How will we know when it's over?" I ask.
"There will be an alarm going off in the room, signaling the ending of your beat down." He chuckles.
"I think we got it," Soujiro bows down slightly respectfully, "Thank you so much. I am ready."
"As am I." I lower the goggles over my eyes in determination.
"Alright, let me just get out of your way, then." The young receptionist walks off to the door to open it and lock it behind him.
We stand around quietly and gripping our baseball bats. There is an alarm going off that sounds like what you would hear at a fire department, and the lights above us glows brighter so that we can see all of the contents to beat with. There are many tables in this room that has empty beer bottles, glass vases, box crates, small useless electronic devices, and more. I go over to a table that has a bunch of beer bottles and look on over to Soujiro, who's still standing at that same place and looking back at me awkwardly.
"Hey Soujiro," I smirk and tilt the bat above the back of my shoulder, "Watch this."
I swing hard and knock down several bottles at once, and they explode from the impact of my bat. Soujiro flinches with a small cry, "Oh! That's.. That was good, Kenshin! Great job!"
"Come on, give it a try!" I stretch out my hand towards him.
He grunts uneasily, shyly taking a few steps towards me and looks at the other untouched bottles before him. I take a few steps back to give him some space. He does his batting pose with his bat and takes a good swing at the bottle before him, sending it flying towards the wall and smashing it successfully.
"Woohoo!" I hollered, "Yeah!"
He chuckles, his hand over his helmet mouthpiece, "That felt good, actually."
"Yeah? Do it again!"
He swings at another bottle, and again, it hit against the wall and it explodes on impact. I clap in support from where I stand, and he swings to look at me and scratches the back of his head bashfully.
"Kenshin, there's a TV behind you!" Soujiro points and I look behind me to see a large screen television set just sitting on the floor. It already looks damaged due to wear and tear, and I chuckle evilly to myself.
"Let's beat the shit out of it!" I laugh nearly maniacally as I prepare my bat.
Soujiro giggles as he rushes up near me and watches in amazement as I smash the screen with the bat, prompting him to jump up and down while whooping and hollering, "Woot, yeah Kenshin!"
"Come on, Sou, hit it with me!" I start to swing the bat against the outer shell of the television set, more glass spraying onto the floors near our feet as I do so. I watch Soujiro come up on the other side of me and starts to rock his bat against the back of the TV now, and we start going wild; we keep smashing it and even started kicking it, which our boots were definitely made for thankfully.
"This is for your dad!" I yell out triumphantly as I go over and start smashing my bat against an old clock sitting on top of a nearby table, and it breaks all over the floor nearby.
Soujiro turns around and sees a corded telephone set and growls, "Yeah, this is for you, dad!"
He breaks the telephone with his bat pretty violently, and he starts whacking at everything he can find; vases, boxes, beer bottles, ceramic bowls, all without stopping. I am inspired to do the same, still going at it over the large television set meanwhile. After a short while, Soujiro comes up to a big box crate nearby and starts to smash it, swinging the bat from over his head again and again. I watch while kicking the glass from the TV set around, and I realize something is happening; Soujiro is starting to sob softly while he keeps smashing the crate, and I turn towards him in concern.
"Soujiro..?"
"Augh!" He cries out angrily, hitting the side of the crate now, the wood denting from the collision of the bat.
I slowly start walking towards him, my bat dragging from behind me in one hand, and the other one hovering in mid-air to see if I can touch his shoulder. But that same hand yanks back as he starts to thrash his bat on the crate louder and faster than before, and soon his sobbing couldn't be denied any longer. I watch helplessly from behind him, watching him as he seems to start to lose his cool now.
"Hey, man.." I mumble quietly and feeling awkward now from his crying, "What're you..?"
"FUCK YOU, DAD!" He starts to shriek intensely, "I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"
He tosses the bat aside and starts to rip the crate open with his hands. I am thankful that at least we've got gloves on since I don't want to have to see a doctor for Soujiro's splinters or cuts that he might face from that action. But his crying is starting to get to me and I soon drop my own bat to the floor, to walk on over to him and place my hands on the back of his shoulders.
"Hey hey, take it easy!" I squeeze his shoulders so that he can hopefully stop, to no avail.
"Let go of me!" He growls, and I take my hands back immediately. He moves to another side and starts to kick it, continuing to cry all the while. I can still see the tint of redness in his eyes and face despite our headgear, and I stand by to stare on dumbly and feebly. I know I said I wanted Soujiro to let go of any pent up anger he has inside for his father, but.. in a weird way, this seems more than just good old fashioned rage against his dad.
It's like Soujiro is completely heartbroken and is in a period of utter grief.
They say that when someone close to you dies, you aren't just depressed or sad or wishing that they could come back. Sometimes, you're just fucking pissed at them. But it's not like anger that seems vengeful in nature. It's the type of anger where lots of tears are involved, as well. Like you're hurt that they could even do something like disappear on you when you need them most. Soujiro is acting like as if his father passed away or committed suicide instead of because he's a homophobic dickwad.
In a way, it's almost like Soujiro's grieving for the father that never existed.
I can feel my own heart breaking at the sight of Soujiro, now tearing off pieces of the wooden crate with his hands and tossing them aside or all around us, still weeping in that devastated and anguish tone. And all the while, I hear him mumble words like, "I hate you. You asshole. You absolute fuckhead. Hateful. Asshole. Destroyer of dreams. Destroyer of my life. Mom is gone because of you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
"Soujiro.." I whisper to myself, shaking my head slowly at the way he is now crumbling down to himself.
"I hate you.." He whimpers as his body trembles, a piece of wood he was holding in his hand now dropping to the floor, "I.. I.. I wish you could.. just love me.."
His kneecaps starts to give out and he slowly descends down to the floor on his knees, and I hesitate before him. His back is facing me as his shoulders shake from his crying. I watch as his hands are planted on the floor and his head is bowing over, the sounds of him crying still ripping my heart to shreds. I take my time in slowly moving towards him and crouching down next to him, carefully placing my hand on his chest and the other on his back.
Everything is destroyed in that room. All the broken pieces are scattered all over the floor. If that's not the most perfect imagery to the feelings Soujiro has inside of him, I don't know what will.
I rub his back gently as he continues shed tears to himself silently, the only sounds I'm hearing are his quiet sobbing and my own heartbeat.
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"I just wish my father could accept me."
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I had to wave my hands in front of that security camera to prematurely end our supposed half hour marathon. The receptionist came into the room and looked worried over Soujiro who is still crying on the floor, but I reassured him that it's not the guy's fault. I told him that we want to stop this so that I can take him home now. Since he felt bad for us, he returned half the price back to my debit card. We at least got in ten or so minutes of whacking shit around with our baseball bats, so it was nice of him to do that, at the very least.
I gathered Soujiro off from the floor and the receptionist told us he will wait for us back in the waiting room once we take off our protective gear. We do so, and I grab all of Soujiro's and my stuff back to the receptionist. Soujiro looked completely dazed and closed off, refusing to look at me in the eyes before I walk out of the wreck room.
"You sure that guy will be alright?" The receptionist takes the stuff into his hands and looks on at me in concern.
I shrug with a sigh, "He's an emotional guy. But I think I can handle it from here. Thanks."
"No probs. Hope we see you again soon!" He beams at me just as Soujiro comes into the waiting room where we are at, "Say, haven't I seen you before?"
Soujiro looks at him, perplexed. There is a hint of red in the corner of his eyes now from all the crying back there.
"I feel like I saw you somewhere before," The guy rubs his chin quizzically as he looks him over, "Like on TV or something. Or on the news. Are you well known for something?"
"Uh," I jump in awkwardly, "He's gotten that one before. He kind of looks like a celebrity, doesn't he?"
Hey, a little flattery wouldn't hurt. Soujiro's eyes flickers over at me and he doesn't seem buttered up by that compliment, though.
"He does! He reminds me of someone.." The young guy's eyes narrow as he studies Soujiro's face more carefully, "Are you involved in politics or something?"
Soujiro shakes his head.
"Oh! Are you in any movies, then?"
Soujiro finally responds with a dry, deadpan tone: "No."
Awkward silence. Man, Soujiro's usually pretty good at conversing with people, so this is just weird.
"Sorry, it's not my business!" The guy laughs it off anyway, and waves his hand off of his own silliness, "I'll let you guys go. You guys have a great rest of your day!"
"Let's go, then." I nod to Soujiro, who is still looking at his shoes dejectedly.
He doesn't answer me but follows me out of the building, never the less. As we walk on the side walks, I turn to look at him. He is still looking at the ground as we walk together, looking completely upset. I wonder if going to the rage room was a good idea after all; I wanted it to help Soujiro, not make things worse. But I guess, it just reminds him of his fucked up life with his dad instead of alleviating any bitterness he has for him. We walk together on in silence, finding a public bus stop so that we can sit on the bench to wait for the next one to come along.
It's honestly a nice day today. Still nippy because it's winter time, but not too overbearingly cold or windy. To have Soujiro sitting next to me all quiet and resentful, then, makes this all the more awkward. It was supposed to be a great day. It was supposed to be fun. But instead, I made it all worse. Like I always do. I have my hands in my jacket pockets, looking at him from the corner of my eye. He is leaning forward, his forearms on his thighs, eyes stuck to the ground ahead of him and lost in thought.
Fuck me.
"We'll check out of that room and go straight to my house immediately. And.. I'm sorry. For what happened back there." I mumble, embarrassed for some reason. Soujiro doesn't wear anger well, to be honest. It's enough to make me just a tad afraid of him at times.
He doesn't answer me, prompting instead to look to the side, away from me. As if to ignore me. I don't push it, though, and contend to just wait for the bus. We sat like that for maybe several minutes before the bus finally arrives, and we walk up the small stairs in the opening of the vehicle to hop on. I pay for both of our fares and we walk all the way to the back of the bus, a few citizens doting the area here and there. We weren't near any of them as we all politely ignore each other's existence. I let Soujiro have the window seat so that he can gaze out at all the passing buildings, and I sit down right next to him meanwhile.
The bus hisses and sighs, rolling away from the area.
As the bus travels through its route, I turn to Soujiro again. He is still gazing out the window, sighing intermittently here and there when he thinks I'm not looking or hearing him. Or maybe he is aware that I can hear him and just doesn't care. Poor Soujiro. I swear this was not my intention when I suggested the rage room. I take out my phone and mess around with it for a while, deciding to scroll through a video app to see what people from all around the world are up to. I found one funny video of a guy dancing inside a sea animal suit at his local street, and decide to show it to Soujiro. Just to see if it'll cheer him up.
"Look at this dolt." I smirk as I show Soujiro my phone, and only his eyes moved downwards to look at it. The sounds that are coming from my phone is not too high, but the music it plays is plenty annoying to emphasize the comedy of it all, "Isn't that weird?"
"You're weird." Soujiro dryly responds before looking back out the window again.
Ouch.
"Ah," I sigh, "Soujiro.. I'm really sorry. I didn't think that would upset you so much."
He doesn't respond.
"You know what? When we get to my place, we can do whatever you want. Anything you want. Just name it and I'll do it. If it'll help you feel better.." I wince slightly to myself, trying to show defeat in my composure. I just want him to stop being so mad at me.
He doesn't reply at first, but then he slowly turns towards me to show me his unimpressed face, "I want to be left alone when we get to your place. How about that?"
I gape at him, a little stunned by that reply. But, if that will help him feel better, then I guess I have no other choice. I nod, agreeing to the terms. He rolls his eyes with a sigh and goes back to promptly ignoring me again, turning back towards the window again.
Goddammit.
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We arrive back into our hotel room. Soujiro is still not talking to me. Regardless, I open the front door of our room and step inside with him. He takes it upon himself to walk over to the desk where my laptop is at, and sits on the chair with a sigh. He starts to rub his forehead and eyes, and I look over at him. He is really mad at me, isn't he? I gulp down my own anger and decide to just make the best of it for now. I really don't feel like fighting with him if I can help it.
I start packing our stuff in our duffel bags. Soujiro doesn't look at me, nor does he offer any help. I know we're both still young, but he's acting a bit childish at this point. Again, I gulp down my resentment and keep it moving. I manage to get everything in our bags in less than ten minutes, checking every room to see if I'm forgetting anything. The last thing I want to go through is someone finding one little thing that could connect it back to us and blow our cover. We're already being super careless when we were having loud sex for the past two days now.
Man. I'd give anything for sex right about now.
Too bad the one person who can give me the most pleasure.. would probably bite my dick off if I show it to his face right now.
I chuckle to myself at that thought, which is picked up by Soujiro who then asks in an irritated tone, "What?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
I sigh, giving up. I turn to him with a playful smirk, "I was just thinking about how it would be nice to have sex one last time before we headed back home."
He looks at me now with annoyance and offense, shaking his head slowly, "You're a real sex fiend, you know that?"
Ugh, really?
I turn towards him now with a scowl, "Well, hey, at least the little stuck up princess is talking to me again."
He glares at me deeply, and I return the same look.
"I'm not going to have sex with you," He finally turns back around to ignore me again, "Go jerk off or something."
"It wouldn't be the same."
"See if I care."
I was about to say something, something angry or even more offensive than that silly little confession. But I decide to bite it down. No. I refuse to have a huge fight with him. I know I already fucked up with the rage room and I don't want to be impulsive like I always do, and make everything worse. I decide to grunt in annoyance and let it die, putting in my last shirt into a bag to complete my mission. I come towards the desk to retrieve my laptop, where I can see how vexed his expression on his face is.
If looks could kill, honestly. I put the laptop in a laptop bag and I am all set.
"Let's go, then." I put on my beanie hat to hide all my hair under.
Soujiro doesn't respond, but does get up from his chair after a pause to put a baseball cap on his head, and we walk out of that room together in silence.
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We are in Sano's truck and I drive it back home. It's going to be a long ride home with Soujiro keeping up with his silent treatment. He is back to turning away from me and staring out the window, and I have to sit with my own bitterness. It honestly sucks that this weekend had to end on such a sour note. Are we going to get along better once we are living together, or somehow make things worse between us? Am I maybe jumping into this with him too quickly? Does he already miss his dad or his luxurious lifestyle that he is accustomed to? He's not going to be super impressed with the old house I'm living in; I exaggerated about my place a lot about it being a shit box, but it is a pretty old place that feels basic as shit, to be honest.
Not only will Soujiro will arrive in my home all upset, but he'll also be let down over the loss of quality in his life now that he has to fucking live in a not so nice place. Tell me again why I'm doing this?
Fuck my life, seriously.
I couldn't take the silence anymore and turned on the radio station. To make this situation all the more awkward, the radio host decides to welcome in a really old song sang by two artists that go by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong; the song then comes in, titled "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off". The piano notes come in, and my eyes widen at the lyrics sung softly by Ella:
"Things have come to a pretty pass
Our romance is growing flat
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that
Goodness knows what the end will be
Oh, I don't know where I'm at
It looks as if we two will never be one
Something must be done"
I grip my steering wheel, praying that Soujiro isn't paying any attention to the music too much, or somehow notices the implication of the lyrics. I keep my eyes on the road, as Louis comes in with his part:
"You say either, I say either
You say neither and I say neither
Either, either, neither, neither
Let's call the whole thing off, yes"
The artists take turns singing their parts, pronouncing the words "potato", "tomato", and so on differently from each other. I mean, in any other situation, this seems like a nice song to chill to or something. But now it's just extremely inappropriate, since it just highlights the differences between me and the beautiful boy sitting next to me in shotgun. But if I turn it off or switch stations, that would catch his attention, and rouse an argument between us. But then, if he hears the lyrics too much..?
"Are you trying to tell me something, Himura?"
Fuck!
"I didn't do that!" I gripe, feeling my face flushing with embarrassment.
He scoffs, "Yeah, right!"
"I'm serious! How was I supposed to know they were gonna play this stupid song?"
Soujiro finally starts to yell at me, "You could just turn it off!"
"Fine!" I switch off the fucking radio, "Jesus Christ.."
We're back to being silent and ignoring each other, stewing in our anger. God fucking dammit. I'm honestly worried about us getting along when we do live together at my place. I really don't want to fuck things up between us by having to live in such close proximity now, but what other choice do we have? I don't want him to live back home with his dad, or live with anyone else. I do trust my friends a lot, but it'd be too painful to be away from him without knowing if he's okay at least most of the time.
No. It would be best if he stays with me, even if we do end up bickering every so often. It's better than risk his safety out there without me around. I'm going to keep my promise in keeping him happy and safe, no matter what it takes.
I continue to drive. I don't know how long it's been since I am dozing off from driving a long, straight line, but eventually I hear a soft sigh coming from my side. I turn my eyes to avert my gaze to see Soujiro now leaning against the window, sleeping soundly. I know we seem to be at each others' throats today, and I know he's been in quite a bitchy mood ever since we left the rage room, but.. right now, he looks so adorable. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of it. It must be quite exhausting having a meltdown and then gripe about it afterwards, so I let him rest.
I was gonna call my dad to let him know that we will be having company soon, but I guess that will have to wait until I arrive. I don't want to wake up Sleeping Beauty next to me. I drive on and on and after an hour or so, I am now driving through the familiar countryside roads that will soon reach my final destination.
I just hope it won't get too awkward when the three of us have to spend time together.
H'boy.
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"Welcome home, son!" The front door opens and I see my dad Hiko greeting me, "How was the sleepovers at Sano's?"
"It was.. it was great, dad," I reply with caution, Soujiro right behind me all the while, "L-listen, I have, uh, Soujiro with me and he's going to stay over for dinner. I know I should've asked or told you earlier, but I lost track of time. Is that okay?"
"Huh?" Hiko blinks confusingly, until his eyes meet Soujiro's, who seem to shrink back a little shyly, "Oh! Uh.. Sure. Sure, no problem! Come on in!"
"Thanks, dad," I shift to hoist the duffel bags under my arms up some more and we all walk inside the house.
"You're lucky I spent the weekend really scrubbing the place clean," Hiko laughs with that old school mirth, "Soujiro should feel nice and welcomed now."
Is he feeling weird that I am having the boy I am in love with over here? I guess my dad is a lot more forward thinking than I give him credit for. A part of me softens inside of me and I smile secretly to myself, placing the duffel bags near the living room couches. It smells really nice and clean here, which helps alleviate the anxiety I feel over Soujiro seeing where I actually live in.
"I was just about to ask," Hiko turns to us as I lift myself back up from placing the bags down, "What do you want to do for dinner? I don't really like to cook on the weekends if I can help it. Do you want to do pizza, Chinese..?"
"Soujiro, is there something you'd like?" I ask Soujiro next to me, who still looks uncharacteristically shy, "It's on us, so don't worry!"
He shrugs with one shoulder, "I guess we can do Chinese."
"Hey, that's my favorite! Great choice!" Hiko chuckles, "I'll order in a couple of hours, so please text me what you want. Will Soujiro be sleeping over here or something?"
"If that's okay with you, dad," I laugh awkwardly, "Actually, I kinda need to have a word with you in private upstairs. Is that okay?"
"Sure thing," Hiko sighs, "It better not be anything bad. I actually had word on Friday evening that there's been a security breach, but since I'm still not too experienced at my work, only the highly skilled employees had to rush in. Been bombarded with so many emails about it over the weekend, though. Your dad must be worried sick, Soujiro."
Soujiro finally speaks up with a strained giggle, "Oh, uh, yeah. That was quite the shit show. Oh! I'm sorry, Mr Himura, I didn't mean to curse in your home!"
Soujiro is now bowing down over and over again like crazy, and we both gape at him in confusion. And then we both started bursting out with loud laughter over it, prompting him to look at us bewilderingly.
"It's fine!" Hiko waves his hand away, "It was indeed a shit show, you're right! Why don't you sit down and get comfy and we'll be right back. Do you need me to get you anything?"
I love you, dad. Seriously. This is exactly what Soujiro needs; to be taken care of. Soujiro looks at my dad as a light blush creeps up on his cheeks.
"Oh, um. N-no," Soujiro looks down on the side timidly, hiding his mouth against a curled fist, "I'll be okay.."
"Alright, then." Hiko nods at Soujiro and follows me upstairs, "Give us a hollar if you need anything. Don't be shy."
Soujiro nods soundly, still blushing. My dad and I walk up the stairs and I watch from nearly the top as Soujiro walks over to the couch to sit on it, sighing and rubbing his forehead against his hand. Poor guy. Already so stressed out about everything. I am at least a little happy that he seems more emotive now instead of being silently brooding.
I'm going to make sure he is very comfortable while staying here. No matter what it takes.
Soujiro..
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"What's going on?" My dad questions me as soon as I close his bedroom door behind me, "I mean, I don't mind Soujiro being here and all, but.. What about his dad?"
"I need to tell you something. It's about that security breach." I frown at him.
"Oh.. my, god!" He smacks his hand over his forehead, "Don't tell me you're the one behind that!"
"Well, not totally. I mean, I have some smart friends who got behind it. I only did it so that I can get Soujiro out of his home and back here." I shrug, knowing that's not going to make any of this better.
"Oh, geez," My dad turns around and rubs his hand over his mouth, nearly speechless, ".. And does his dad know where Soujiro is?"
"No. Just that Soujiro won't be returning home. But dad, listen, Soujiro and I have so much shit on this guy now, and not to mention.. Soujiro threatened to out his dad if he even so much as think about trying to get back with him. So I don't think we have anything to worry about."
My dad turns around to face me again, clearly unhappy with this, "He can't stay here."
"What?" I challenge him, both my hands forming into fists, "Why not?!"
"If that man knows he's staying here, God only knows what we're up against."
"Didn't you hear me? I said we have dirt on the guy, so he can't touch us! I'm not letting Soujiro go back to that guy's place! He's hurting him, dad!"
My dad blinks at me softly, his eyes flickering into a space to have a think of this. I glare at him openly, ready to keep arguing with him if he wants to. I'm not going to back down from this. Soujiro needs me! He can't go back! Finally, he sighs, rubbing his temple infuriatingly, "Kenshin. I'm going to lay down some ground rules if we are going to have him stay here."
I am quiet, waiting for him.
"You and him aren't gonna be out partying like crazy because that'll just open up a lot of risks for me. And Soujiro can't be going out so much in public since that'll open him up to danger. I don't know if his dad is going to try, but we can't risk it. I'm not about to get myself sued to high heavens if I can help it, and neither should you."
"That's.. fair." I sigh, shoulders drooping. I don't want us to get sued in court, either, so he does have a point.
"Soujiro will keep his own space clean. In the guest room, where he will be staying," His eyes flash a particularly threatening look in them, "Understood?"
I grunt, my face feeling hot all of a sudden. I guess he's not stupid. He probably is aware that Soujiro and I are having sexual relations together. I nod quickly, wanting to skip over the awkwardness of that moment.
"I don't know if he has his own money or not, but as much as I don't mind pitching in for food and such, I can't exactly take care of him when it comes to other expenses. Do you know if he still has access to money?"
"He threatened his dad to not close his bank accounts or any cards, so I'd say he's good there." I shrug.
"Good. Well, then," My dad straightens up with a sniff, "If he can behave himself and take care of himself.. I guess I can't say much except that he's welcomed here for as long as he needs to be here. All I ask is a little respect as someone who has to pay for this place, is all. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir," I bow to him, "Thanks, dad."
"No problem, kiddo," He sighs, "Poor Soujiro. I honestly can't imagine being in his shoes right now."
"Yeah.." I suspire, staring into space as I picture Soujiro still probably moping around downstairs.
I hope we can make him feel better by tonight.
(To be continued..)