(Skip this if you only want to read the story)
Hello, Totenwelt here! Apologies for taking so long on making this Chapter, honestly i burned myself out completly after finishing Chapter 3, and the worst part is that it turned out pretty badly, which pisses me off a lot, not gonna lie. But hey, as Bob Ross once said: Anything that you try and don't succeed, if you learn from it, it's not a failure. So i decided i would take some time off after i finish every chapter, and overall not rush it just so it's done, But i digress.
Also, i just kind of realized a really crappy thing when it comes to writing fanfictions about something that already exists (especially anime) and that's if you want to achieve 100% correct aspects of the thing you're writing like characters, setting, personalities, etc. You have to go back and reread or rewatch that thing you're writing, and look under it with a microscope, and then you have to go "What if.." on everything, and overall it just sucks out the fun of rewatching or rereading that thing you enjoy normally so much, like always when i rewatched Toradora every year around New Year i was really happy since the series was that good everytime, but since i had to look in details for everything i didn't enjoy the journey getting to the end because i had to rewatch it just to know how characters would act, react.
Anyways, end of my rant.
Shoutout:
I thank you all who read the story once again, i know i say it on every chapter but i really do mean it, you're all awesome!
Also, Special thanks to all folks who read even these useless bits of text on here.
And another Special thanks to Dreamer15147 for leaving another review on last chapter.
Thank you for enjoying even the bad chapters of my story, i try to potray all the characters as close as they were potrait in the anime/manga so thank you for noticing and apreciating my effort!
(Start of the story)
"I really want these feelings to go away, to make me stronger, because i'm hopeless. I just can't... stop loving Ryuuji" Takasu was at that mountain again, holding Aisaka's little body like he did before, though this time something was a bit different. Taiga thought he was Kitamura for some reason, it made his heart sunk extremely that he couldn't tell her how he really felt about her, that he would give her up so she could be with Kitamura after all. It felt really wierd, he didn't wanted to lose her because he loved her, but it also felt right. After all Taiga loved Kitamura for so long didn't she?
He didn't knew what to think anymore, he just kept on going up the snowy hill. Or so he thought, he pushed up the hill to take her to safety, but then he looked at the ground. It was all filled with his tears, He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't live without Taiga as his. Loves. Ryuuji fell on his knees, losing his balance and tumbling back with Taiga on his back down the snowy dark hill again.
Ryuuji gasped for air as he did he jerked his torso upwards. Ryuuji noticed he was in a class again, with classmates sitting all around him. it was nothing but a wierd nightmare, or something like that, he didn't knew himself.
The teacher noticed him acting a bit strange, she knew that he slept on her hours, but she knew he had it rough for the last couple of days so she decided she would leave him be. Though she was concerned as to what has up with him
"Hey, Takasu are you okay?" The female teacher asked Ryuuji, who was pale and looked as if he saw a ghost.
He looked at her
"Y-yes Teacher, I'm perfectly okay" Takasu said nervously as he stood up from his chair. the teacher didn't really bought it, but she left him alone because he probably had a nightmare she thought.
Ryuuji sat down again and lie on his table again like he did before he fell asleep. He looked behind him to his right to see a empty seat. It was a seat that belonged to his girlfriend Taiga Aisaka.
Few hours before.
"Hey, Ryuuji? Wake up!" Taiga said as she tugged on Ryuuji's shirt who was still sound asleep. Aisaka pouted as her efforts were wasted, he was still sleeping. She didn't wanted to be mean to him again for no reason like she was to him all that time they knew each other, but this time she had no choice. Aisaka took his shoulders and violently started shaking him. Very quickly he woke up after that with a loud ground coming out of him. A smug appeared on her face as she successfully woke him up after all. "What is it Taiga?" Ryuuji said still half asleep with eyes halfway closed. "I'm sorry for waking you up so early, but my mom messaged me that she's gonna pick me up and we're gonna spend some time together. I wish i could say no to her, but i fear she's gonna force me to live with her if i don't, so i have to go" Taiga said as she looked down sad as she sat on Ryuuji's lap. Aisaka didn't wanted to leave him alone, she really wanted to spend every single second with him, but she couldn't otherwise her mom would very likely intervene in her normal life.
Not to mention she was really scared that someone might take him for themself whilst she's gonna be out of the picture, it wasn't that she didn't trusted him, she just didn't trusted other girls who had hots for him, excluding Minorin.
Ryuuji sat up confused
"Wait really? That really sucks" Takasu also looked down as well as he realized what that meant and sadness filled his mind
Taiga nodded
"Yeah it does, I'm really sorry Ryuuji" Taiga said as she looked him in the eyes with a teary face and hugged him tightly
"It's okay Taiga, really it is" Ryuuji said as he hugged her back, though he did not had a teary face because he had to be strong for her so she wouldn't feel even worse.
They stayed like that, enjoying each other's embrace for a long while. But like everything nice in life it had to end eventually.
"Hey Taiga, i forgot to ask when is she coming to pick you up?" Ryuuji asked Taoga breaking the silence, she looked up thinking, she didn't had a teary face anymore, Ryuuji's hug reassured her everything is gonna be okay.
"I would say about 30 minutes" Taiga replied to Ryuuji's question, Ryuuji nodded.
"Okay, well do you want me to make you a breakfast then?" Takasu asked, whilst both of them still hugged.
"No, My mom messaged me that we're gonna eat out" Taiga said looking down again, she wanted to taste his tasty food made by him, but she unfortunately couldn't.
"Oh i see well then, shouldn't you like start dressing up and all that then?" Ryuuji asked her once again, truth be told he didn't wanted Taiga to leave, but he had no choice, so he at least wanted her to be on time if nothing else.
"Not yet, I still want to hug you a little bit longer" Taiga nodded no as she hugged him even tighter and grinned a little bit.
"I'm spoiling you so much you know that?" Ryuuji chuckled as he hugged her tighter as well
"I know, that's why i love you so much" Taiga said as she buried her face to hide her blush as she smiled from ear to ear.
Ryuuji was still not used to hearing her saying that she loved him, so he blushed and stayed silent.
They stayed like that for like 15 minutes.
"Taiga, you really should start getting ready" Ryuuji said pretty unwillingly, he really didn't wanted to let her go, but she had to get ready or her mom would be mad.
"Yeah, i know" Taiga said with a sad smile on her face as she looked down, she got off of Ryuuji and started walking towards door leading out of Ryuuji's apartment
"You sure you got everything?" Takasu asked a little worried. Taiga nodded
"Yeah, don't worry Ryuuji, everything is gonna be fine" Taiga said as she smiled at him more beautifully then she ever did, and that said something because she had a very beautiful smile.
"Y-yeah" Ryuuji said nervously because he found that smile extremely cute and it made him blush a little.
Taiga turned around to put on her little boots
Ryuuji rubbed his head, still feeling pretty tired.
Taiga finished putting on her boots and turned
"Well, I'll be on my way then" Taiga said sadly as she looked away and started walking to her apartment
"Wait!" Ryuuji grabbed her hand before she could leave. She looked towards him with a slight blush because she did not expected that
Ryuuji looked at her with a big blush across his face
"Goodbye Taiga, I.." He stopped for a second, before finishing the sentence
"I love you too!" Ryuuji shouted towards her, she turned completely red like a tomato. She was still not used to him saying that he loves her
"G-Goodbye Ryuuji" Taiga said as she hurried down the stairs because she didn't wanted him to see the giant blush she had on her face because of what he said, but he knew that she did.
Present time.
Ryuuji looked away from his girlfriend's seat, the loneliness and sadness of her not being around him slowly but surely hit him, eating away at his psyche. It really affected him as he just lied silent and sad on his desk for most of his day, not even coming to talk to anyone. Ironically his love for Taiga was the thing that hurt him the most.
He lied on his desk again sad. Minorin watched from afar as she usually did, she saw how Ryuuji was suffering, and she didn't liked it one bit but she couldn't do anything about, nor could she get close to him because of what happened between her and Taiga on the trip, not to mention they still haven't really got back to each other after she straight armed him.
She looked down sad in defeat, because she couldn't help him and Taiga wasn't there to help him either.
Kushieda looked around the classroom to find out that Kawashima in high spirits and smiling. She was extremely suspicion of her, Taiga still didn't replied to her texts that she sent about 3 hours ago, but she had a 6th sense that why Taiga didn't came to school that day had to do something with Ami. Minorin looked at her with disgust in her face once again, she would go ahead and tell her face to face if it weren't for everyone being in the class, plus she found a new job so she didn't had time to wait around to tell her after school.
So she just sat there, waiting for the class to be over.
"... and please don't forget to turn your career plan in tomorrow... " the teacher said, Ryuuji wasn't listening one bit to what she had to say, except for that last part. He knew he didn't had the money to go to college, not to mention that his mom always helped him out, and he wanted to repay that to her.
"Is that clear?" Teacher asked the students, who weren't interested in any way
"Yeah" Most of the students said bored
Minorin looked at Ryuuji again, it seemed to her like something else was plaguing his mind, but she had no idea what it could be. Not that she could help even if she knew.
All students started to bag their things and were about to go home, so she started to bag her things as well.
She got it in her bag and started to walk out of the classroom to the hall, everything was going as planned
But then, Ryuuji called her out
"Hey, Kushieda wait up! I need to talk to you about something" Ryuuji shouted towards Minorin, who didn't even stopped and kept on going as if she didn't hear him.
"Wait up!" Ryuuji said as he touched her shoulder to slow her down. Minorin did stopped, but she kept her back towards Ryuuji as him touching her shoulder put her in a array of emotions, most of them negative and she didn't wanted let him see her cry.
"I'm sorry Takasu, but i really have to go, i have practice again" Kushieda said coldly as she waved off Takasu whilst still facing him with her back and ran off.
Ryuuji extended his hand towards her, he wanted to apologize for the New Year confession that was rejected. But he couldn't, it seemed to him like she didn't even wanted to be near him, she probably started hated him.
Sending him into a even deeper spiral of sadness. Not only was his girlfriend away but one of his few friends doesn't want to be around him anymore. He was all alone again.
Well, he would be if it weren't for a certain elegant blue haired model.
She walked behind him without him noticing.
"Hey Takasu, are you okay? What happened?" Ami asked him, she knew something was wrong, and that meant everything was according to her plan so far.
"Huh? Kawashima? Yeah i'm okay, nothing happened" Ryuuji looked at her with a really sad face not recognizing her at first, normally he would be annoyed with her but he didn't had enough strength anymore to talk to her like that.
Ami did not believed that for a second, she knew he was suffering, and she wanted to desperately help him, it really hurt her seeing him like that but she had to keep her head high because he was almost hers, she just had to push a little bit further.
"Is it something with Kushieda or Aisaka?" Kawashima asked him, Ryuuji didn't replied, he simply nodded
"It's that bad huh?" She said to herself outloud, she snapped her fingers because a thought came across her mind
"Hey, how about we go out somewhere? It's been a long while since we last hanged out" Kawashima suggested, though in reality she had this whole scenario planned out.
Ryuuji raised his eyebrow, it was wierd for her to be so friendly towards her, especially with how she treated him before. Something wasn't right, it was like she was scheming something, but that didn't mattered anymore, it seemed her intentions were good enough, so he dropped it.
"Okay, i guess. So where are we going? Kawashima" Ryuuji asked Kawashima who got lost in a thought as to where they should go, again she knew exactly where they'll go, she was just thinking about what to do next in her plan.
"Oh, right i think i know a place! How about we go visit the new restaurant they opened near the school!" Kawashima suggested with smile on her face, because both she could play on both his feelings and have a romantic dinner with him
"I wish, i'm broke and i have to make food for my mom" Takasu shot her down, she was completly caught off guard about that because she didn't expected that one bit that he would refuse.
"Oh i see, well how about we just go home together then?" Kawashima asked Ryuuji again, this time he simply nodded
"Sure i guess, let's go" Takasu said as he started walking down to the lockers.
They both started walking out of the school next to each other. She made sure to be as close to him as she possibly could, Takasu didn't minded that however.
Someone saw them together, and that someone was Kushieda on her softball practice. She stopped everything to look at them.
Minorin understood now, it was all Kawashima's plan to swoop in and take him whilst Taiga was out, and when she couldn't do anything about it either. It tore her heart even more apart, she gave up her love for him just so Ami would swoop him and take him whilst Taiga wasn't around? No, Minorin wouldn't let that happened. if she could come to her right now and tell her what she had in mind, she would. But she couldn't because she was still in the middle of a practice and she was a president of the softball club.
But tomorrow Minorin decided she would confront her face to face, she had to, if she wouldn't Ami would win his heart for sure.
A ball flew past her head, bringing her back to reality.
"Hey, president Kushieda are you okay?" one of the team members asked her, she turned around them with a smile
"Of course, i just got a little lost in a thought is all hehe" Minorin laughed it off as she put on her happy go lucky facade, in that regard she was no different from Ami.
They both started walking out of the school and towards the restaurant next to each other. She made sure to be as close to him as she possibly could, Takasu didn't minded that however.
But someone saw them together, and that someone was Kushieda on her softball practice. She stopped everything to look at them.
Minorin understood now, it was all Kawashima's plan to swoop in and take him whilst Taiga was out of the picture, and when Minorin couldn't do anything about it either. It tore her heart even more apart, she gave up her love for him just so Ami would swoop him and take him whilst Taiga wasn't around? No, Kushieda wouldn't let that happened. if she could come to her right now and tell her what she had in mind, she would. But she couldn't, because she was still in the middle of a practice and she was a president of the softball club.
But tomorrow Minorin decided she would confront her face to face, she had to, if she wouldn't Ami would win his heart for sure.
A ball flew past her head, bringing her back to reality.
"Hey, president Kushieda are you okay?" one of the team members asked her, she turned around them with a smile
"Of course, i just got a little lost in a thought is all hehe" Minorin said as she put on her happy go lucky facade, in that regard she was no different from Ami.
Kawashima was almost rubbing her arm on Ryuuji's. She wanted to be with him so badly, she was almost imagining them together, it was a really beautiful thought, but it was just that.
"Thanks for hanging out with me and all, i really appreciate it, especially now" Ryuuji smiled a bit at Ami that she wanted to hang out with him.
It made Ami really happy that she could help him, if he wasn't around she would blush like crazy.
"No problem Takasu, i just saw you and i knew that something wasn't right, and i guess i was right... " Ami trailed off looking down, she didn't wanted him to suffer, but she couldn't help him nor do anything about it, or rather the only thing she could do was to console him.
Silence filled the area around them, they both kept silent for a few moments, until Ryuuji spoke up
"Yeah, well you already know what happened between me and Kushieda, and the rest is well because Taiga had to leave to hang out with her mom" Takasu explained with a sad look on his face, he missed Taiga so much even though she was only gone for a few hours. He loved her that much.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that..." Kawashima said like she really cared, but if you really knew her you could tell that she was rather nonchalant about it.
"... Speaking of which, so are you and Taiga dating?" Ami asked him, trying her hardest not to sound like she was interested in him, but instead trying to sound like a good friend asking just for fun.
But Ryuuji could tell she was acting really off that day, but it wasn't her normal acting, she sounded genuine at times, it all made him confused as to what Kawashima wanted to achieve.
"Yeah we are, say i wanted to ask you've been acting a bit wierd today towards me, normally you're all bitter and cold towards me, what changed?" Ryuuji asked Ami who was acting really suspicious in his eyes. Kawashima froze a bit, because she thought her plan would not be seen through. But then again it was Takasu afterall, he knew how she really was so of course he'd find her acting like that wierd.
Not to mention him saying that he is dating Aisaka made her heart sunk a lot because she knew that they were dating by how close they were together on the trip, but hearing it in his words was all the worse, and it also made her extremely jealous, but she wouldn't admit that to herself.
"Nothing changed, i just didn't wanted to be so harsh on you because i see how much you're suffering and i don't want to bring you down unlike miss Sunshine" Kawashima looked down again with a sad look on her face. she sounded really sincere so it was unknown to Takasu if she was lying or not, it started giving him a headache so he dropped it.
"Anyways i'm happy you two got together, i know you two are gonna be happy " Kawashima forced herself to say that so she would throw off any remaining suspicion he might had for her, It gone a bit off the track of her plan, but it was blessing in a disguise because he now saw her as a good friend who cared for him. Though it almost made her sick just by thinking about that sentence let alone saying it. She tried to sound like herself so she wouldn't be found out by him again, and it seemed like he bought it.
"Thank you Kawashima, i really love her more than anything, so i'm sure that we will" Ryuuji nodded and smiled a bit, she reassured him that everything is going to be okay.
Those words really stung Ami, but she managed to make it through the pain.
"Yeah i can tell" Kawashima said sounding a bit sad, Ryuuji noticed it again, something really was up with her, but what? Sometimes he really had no idea what was going on inside her head, maybe she was right about being a few steps ahead of him in that regard.
They talked back and forth about mostly random stuff for a while until they reached Takasu's home.
"Anyways, we're here" Ryuuji said as he walked towards his home, Kawashima did not payed attention to the time and neither to where she was, all she cared about was talking to Takasu, and so she was really surprised when they already reached his house.
"I'm guessing that i can't stay over your place for a while?" Kawashima asked really nicely, she wanted to spend with him as long as she could, and also because she wanted to make him hers. And she knew that the easiest way to do that is to be there for a person when their mentally at their lowest, you can manipulate a person however you want afterwards.
"I'm sorry, i really can't. I still need to talk with my mother about the career plan, and i need to make dinner" Ryuuji said rather coldly towards her, it wasn't that he didn't wanted her over, he was just too busy to really hang out.
"I'm pretty good in the kitchen, i can help you if you want" Kawashima offered to help him, which she very rarely did. Ryuuji nodded a no though.
"Thank you, but i feel like i would be just asking you for too much, you helped me, listened to me when i needed to talk to someone and i couldn't ask for more" Ryuuji rejected her offer, he spoke truth. he was happy that someone helped him so much, because he simply wasn't used to it. It usually was just him helping Taiga out with everything, so it was nice change of pace but Kawashima did so much for him that day that he felt he would asking for too much.
Kawashima dropped her head down a bit, she felt really sad that she was rejected just like that without him it even giving it any thought, but that was Takasu. Selfless, kind and caring. Maybe that's why she fell in love with him.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then" Kawashima said to him still a bit sad, she was back to her usual self again, even he could tell that. Takasu nodded
"Yeah, see you tomorrow Kawashima and thanks again, for everything" Ryuuji smiled at her and waved her off. "No problem Takasu, I'll be there for you if you need me" Kawashima said in her normal tone as she turned around and walked off to the direction of her home. Ryuuji wondered what was really with her, because he knew that she wasn't telling him the whole story when she said she did it only because she didn't wanted to bring him down any more than he already was. Maybe she wasn't few steps afterall.
Kawashima smiled wickedly.
Her plan for that day wasn't a complete failure like she thought it would be, she succeeded in making him trust her, but she knew she would have to go all out if she wanted him for herself, because his love for Taiga was just that strong.
End of Chapter 4 - Calm Before The Storm
Writer's Note:
23/11/19 20:07
I'm gonna take a break for a day or two because i feel like i've been rushing the chapters too much plus i don't want to burn myself out completly. Because i burned myself out a lot writing Chapter 3. i'll hopefully do new drafts tomorrow for the previous 3 chapters to make them a bit better because some parts out right sucked in my opinion. Maybe i'll start writing Chapter 4 tomorrow, though i doubt it'll be out before Tuesday.
25/11/19 14:09
So, i skipped writing yesterday too, because i was simply not in the mood for it, though i kinda feel like writing a bit today. Hopefully should have it atleast half way done so i can finish it properly tomorrow, though no promises.
26/11/19 6:45
Okay, so i'd say i finished it yesterday till like 45%, maybe more i can't really tell yet. But atleast. I got story arcs all figured for the chapter so i'll definately finish i later on today.
26/11/19 16:38
Currently working on the other part of the chapter, i'm gonna do my best to finish it today.
26/11/19 20:33
I finally finished it, though i had to go out to the cold outside and sit on a wet bench for about an hour to finish it today since my wifi stopped working and i ran out of data, the end is kind of rushed a bit because of it, though i'm way more happy with how this chapter turned out than the last one (though i feel like i kinda screwed up with Kawashima's character a bit, so i'm change that in a new draft which i'm probably gonna do tomorrow instead of writing a new chapter)