Tommy

What else could I call the worst week of my life?

Catastrophic? A total clusterfuck? A shitshow of biblical proportions?

It had been hell. Absolute, unrelenting hell. Nonstop cases that made me want to pull my hair out, Kimberly and her damn demons crashing into every corner of my life, and my own thoughts? Circling like vultures, pecking at what little patience I had left. I was two seconds away from losing it. Hell, I was ready to throw back a drink or ten just to numb it all out.

I needed a break. A vacation. A distraction. Fuck, I'd take a goddamn lobotomy if it'd help. Anything to drown out the noise banging around in my head.

So, in a moment of sheer stupidity, I called Rachel.

Rachel, who I hadn't seen in weeks. Rachel, who I'd broken things off with because, let's face it, there wasn't anything there except a good time and mutual convenience. But somehow, I'd convinced myself that a night out with her was exactly what I needed. She'd always been up for a drink, a laugh, and whatever else came after.

The thing is, I didn't think she'd say yes. Figured I'd call, she'd laugh me off, and that'd be that. But no. She showed up. And not just showed up, she arrived in this tight, red dress that clung to every inch of her banging body. Any other night, I'd probably be all over her in seconds. But tonight? The second I saw Kimberly across the bar, everything went dark and my dick went limp.

Rachel was beside me, running her hand up my arm, kissing me, giggling like old times. But something was different. I could barely hear her. I could barely even remember why I'd called her in the first place. I'd thought I could make myself focus on her, make her enough tonight. Thought if I tried hard enough, it'd click back into place. The way it used to be. Casual, no drama. But tonight? It didn't matter. None of it did. I may as well have been a goddamn monk. An entire bottle of Viagra wouldn't fix this mess.

Because I couldn't stop looking at her.

Kimberly.

She was with Trini, who looked like she was trying to get Kimberly to relax, laugh—something. Anything that might take away that hard look in her eyes, the one I'd put there. Hell, I knew I'd hurt her. Hurt her in a way that shouldn't matter so much to me, but it did. I should feel satisfied, smug even. She'd been the one who'd drawn the line, made me out to be the villain. But I didn't feel smug. No, all I felt was this sick, restless ache that I couldn't get rid of, and Rachel… sexy, willing Rachel, was doing nothing to touch it.

Rachel's hand slid up my arm, her lips finding my neck, trying to pull me back into the moment. "Tommy… you look like you're a million miles away."

"I'm here," I muttered, tearing my gaze off Kimberly, forcing myself to turn to Rachel, to do something other than stare at a woman who couldn't stand me right now. "Just… long week, that's all."

"Yeah?" she murmured, pressing closer, her hand finding my chest as her lips traced up to my jaw. "Let me help you forget about it then."

If that's not a green flag then I don't know what is. Normally, that would be all I'd need. I'd take her hand, haul her out of here, and lose myself in her without another thought. No questions. No complications. But all I could think about was how it didn't feel right. How her touch wasn't the touch I wanted.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I snuck another glance across the bar. Kimberly was sipping her drink, shooting daggers into her glass like it was my face she wanted to rip apart. That infuriating, fierce look of hers. Everything about her screamed trouble, mess, complication. She was the complete opposite of what I'd planned, of what I wanted, or at least what I thought I wanted.

"Tommy," She whispered in my ear, sending a jolt down my body like it was trying to jump start my dick.

Rachel pressed into me, her eyes flashing with that unmistakable look. This was what I'd come here for, right? Easy. Simple. A warm body and a night of forgetting. I pulled her close, one hand gripping a handful of her ass, the other tracing down her back. She tilted her head, lips parting as she leaned in, and I kissed her hard, trying to lose myself in it, to feel something.

But damn it, even as I kissed her, my mind was somewhere else. My body went through the motions, my hand gripping her tighter, her curves fitting perfectly against me, but it didn't make a damn bit of difference. Nothing sparked. Nothing stirred. She could have been anyone… and that was the problem.

I pulled back, my eyes on her, and there it was—a hollow ache where there should've been something real. I could have anyone beside me right now, anyone who wanted to be here, anyone who could give me what I thought I needed. But it didn't matter. None of them were Kimberly.

Because at the end of the day, all I wanted was her. The woman who tore me to shreds every time she looked at me. The woman who drove me mad, infuriated me, who saw right through my walls and judged me for every damn thing I wasn't. Kimberly was the one who got under my skin, whether I wanted her there or not.

Rachel's hands trailed down my arms, pulling me closer, but it was like my body was betraying me, refusing to give in. I could be standing here with her, or a dozen other women, and it wouldn't mean a damn thing.

"Tommy," Rachel said, irritated now, breaking me out of my spiral. "Are you here with me or what?"

I glanced at her, forcing myself to focus. To make her enough. "Yeah. Sorry."

But I wasn't here, was I? I was a million miles away, caught up in thoughts of a woman who wasn't Rachel, who was the last thing from easy or simple. A woman who, with one look, made me feel more than anyone else ever had. I hated it. I hated myself for wanting her. I wanted to be anywhere but here, to be any way but this screwed up over someone who clearly wasn't coming home with me tonight.

I wanted the old me.

I kicked the dirt at my feet, leaning against the dugout as Jason sauntered over, coffee in hand and that smirk that made me want to punch him sometimes. He took one look at me, raised an eyebrow, and shook his head like he knew exactly what was on my mind. Damn him. He always did.

"So, how was last night?" he asked, knowing I'd gone out looking for a distraction. I'd barely opened my mouth when he laughed. "That good, huh?"

Fucker.

I clenched my jaw, feeling the irritation build. "I went to the bar, saw Kim there," I muttered, looking away. "Let's just say things didn't exactly go as planned."

Jason grinned, completely unfazed. "Didn't take her as the bar type."

"It wasn't just her being there," I snapped. "Rachel could've been in my lap, wearing nothing but a damn smile, and it wouldn't have done a thing for me." I rubbed my neck, trying to shake off the memory of Kim's eyes cutting through me from across the bar. "I'm pissed, Jase. I have no choice but to be attracted to her, no matter how hard I try to avoid it."

He looked at me, amused, and I knew that look. "Well, can you blame yourself? I mean, Kim is hot."

I'd kill him.

I shot him a glare, and my fists clenched without even realizing it. "Don't even fucking think about it. She doesn't want your diseased dick."

Jason chuckled, his laughter echoing off the empty field. "What, jealous much? Just saying, I get the appeal. Not that you'd let anyone get close enough to find out with the way you're acting."

"Shut it," I grumbled, but even as I said it, I felt the weight of my own frustration settle in.

Jason was right, I couldn't stand the thought of anyone else even looking at her, let alone getting close. And the worst part? I had no business feeling that way. Especially not after the way I behaved last night. She stayed only a few minutes and then left with Trini before their second round of drinks arrived. I don't blame her. I was an ass… to everyone.

"What did you do with, what's her name? Rachel?" Jason asked, looking over as kids started arriving.

"I faked sick," I groaned.

"Dude," He laughed at my stupidity, "Seriously? She fell for that shit?"

"Hardly," I muttered, "I'm not that great of an actor."

He laughed again, and if this had happened to Billy or Rocky, I would have found the humor in it as well. But it didn't. So it's not funny. Not one single bit.

"So, what? You played tonsil hockey with her until Kimberly walked in?" He asked, a stupid grin appearing on his face.

"Tonsil hockey? What are you ten?" I shoved him playfully. "I mean, I tried. I grabbed her, I kissed her, I tried to get things going but… It's like my dick decided to commit suicide the second Kimberly walked in. It just fucking hung there— lifeless, to any of Rachel's touches. I've never had that happen before." I tell him honestly, "It's like Kimberly fucking hexed me, I swear."

Jason laughed again, clapping my shoulder, "Can't relate man."

He turned serious for a moment, gesturing toward the field that slowly started filling up. "So, the kids gonna be here today?"

I knew what kids he meant.

I shrugged, kicking at the dirt again. "Doubt it. I blew it with Kim. She probably decided it's not worth it."

They hadn't been here all last week. And after the bar incident, I wouldn't really blame her if she never brought them back. That guilt crept up again, the same one that had kept me nauseous all morning— like a bad hangover. I went and fucked all that up like I fucked everything else up. I was dealt a bad hand from the start. Unwanted by my parents, unwanted by every family they placed me, unwanted by the system… it's like I'm cursed to push everyone away. But Jason stayed. No matter how many times I tried to not get close, he pushed his way in. And for that, I'll always see him as a brother.

Jason gave me a look of pity and I tried to brush it off. I don't need that right now. I had the rest of the kids to coach.

"It's for the best," I muttered under my breath, telling myself it'd be easier this way, but the second I said it, I heard the unmistakable sound of her kids chattering behind me.

I turned, and there they were—Tyler, Jeffrey, and little Maddox, marching onto the field with their gear, Kimberly trailing behind at a distance. My stomach twisted when I saw her, looking over the field like she was debating whether or not to just turn around and leave. But she stayed long enough to see her boys head my way, and then, without so much as a glance in my direction, she turned and walked off.

I narrowed my eyes, watching her leave, my chest tightening. What is she doing?

The kids reached me, Tyler with that typical scowl plastered on his face, Jeffrey just as annoyed, and Maddox smiling like he hadn't a care in the world. Typical.

"Your mom's not sticking around?" I asked casually, hoping it didn't sound like I cared as much as I did.

"Just dropped us off," Tyler said, looking like he was already over this whole thing. "She said she'll be back later because she had to run some errands."

Sure, that's what she'd say. But I wasn't buying it. No, this was about last night, that much I'd bet on. Maybe she didn't want to deal with me at all, not after what she saw. Part of me thought it was for the best, but another part… another part was rattled as hell to see her walk away. Not that I blame her. I didn't deserve her presence.

I nodded, not saying anything more. I glanced over at Jason, who raised his eyebrow at me as if to say, Good luck. Right. I was thinking more on the side of an exorcist, but sure, I'll take luck. Luck was exactly what I'd need.

"Alright, listen up." I clapped my hands, bringing their attention back to me. "You all ready to actually put in the work tonight?"

They muttered something that sounded like a reluctant yes, and I sighed. This was going to be like pulling teeth. Tyler looked like he'd rather be anywhere else, and Jeffrey had that defiant glint in his eye, the one that made me feel like every word out of my mouth was just pissing him off even more. Maddox, though… the kid was looking up at me with his wide-eyed smile, like he actually believed I might know what I was doing.

I pushed a hand through my hair, wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into.

A few hours later, I was about ready to call its quits and settle on the moon.

I rubbed a hand over my face, squinting as I watched the kids finish up their laps. Practice was wrapping up, and honestly, I was more than ready to call it a day. My patience was wearing thin, Tyler was in full-on teenage angst mode, and Jeffrey…well, Jeffrey was convinced I was public enemy number one.

Maddox, though—he was all smiles. That kid looked at life like every day was Christmas morning. I couldn't help but feel a little bit of that weight lift when I saw him running around, laughing like he didn't have a care in the world. It almost made the rest of the chaos worth it. Almost.

Jason could ask him to do a hundred things and he would give it his all and then some.

At the end of practice, Jason decided to let the little tykes join the rest of the bigger kids on the last few laps. The little kids liked to be included.

"Alright, bring it in!" I called out, clapping my hands to get their attention. They all jogged over, Tyler dragging his feet like I'd just asked him to hike up a mountain.

We huddled up, and I started going over their strengths, throwing in a few challenges for the next practice. "Foster, you can outrun everyone in this field. Tyler, solid hustle out there. Martinez, that arm of yours will get us our first home run. Jeffrey…" I blinked at the future serial killer, "…you actually listened today. That's a win."

He rolled his eyes, and I held back a smirk.

I finished listing the strengths of the other teams members before landing on the little one.

"And Maddox," I started, but then something happened, fast and almost in slow motion at the same time.

One second Maddox was grinning, and the next, he was tripping over his own two feet, landing hard with a thud. The kind that makes you suck in a breath because you know it's gonna hurt.

"Maddox!" I was moving before I even realized it, half-running over to where he'd fallen. The kid was clutching his knee, his face scrunched up in pain.

"Hey, buddy, you alright?" I knelt down beside him, trying to keep my voice steady. It surprised me to realize how I felt seeing him hurt.

He shook his head, trying to hold it together, but his lip was trembling, and I could see he was fighting back tears. "It… it really hurts, Coach."

"Let me see," I said, gently moving his hands so I could get a look at the damage. There was a nasty scrape on his knee, and a small bit of blood had started to trickle down his leg. Nothing major, but enough to scare him. "Alright, tough guy, you're gonna be okay. It's just a scrape. Luckily for you, I'm a doctor."

Maddox looked up at me, eyes wide and filled with more trust than I deserved. Damn it, I wasn't supposed to feel this protective, especially not over Kimberly's kid. But here I was, pissed at the ground for tripping him, ready to launch a full investigation. I flagged Jason to bring the first-aid kit and he took off running.

"Let me see," Tyler pushed himself in, kneeling on the ground like a big brother.

He glared at me, "This is all your fault."

What?

"If you hadn't been pushing us to run then this wouldn't have happened." Jeffrey growled, suddenly taking part in placing the blame at me.

I ignored them because losing my cool will only add to Kimberlys long list of reasons to hate me, but it was nice to see how fiercely protective they were.

Jason jogged over and handed me the kit before placing his hands on his hips, assessing the wound, "Everything okay here?"

I nodded, keeping my focus on Maddox and ignoring the other two. I opened the kit and pulled out some saline and gauze. "He's fine. Just a little scrape." I shot Maddox a reassuring smile. "Right, buddy?"

Maddox sniffled but nodded, his lip still quivering. "Yeah. It just… it really hurts."

"Of course it does," I said, rubbing his shoulder. "But guess what? Chicks dig scars, Madmax."

"Madmax?" He looked up at me in wonder.

"Your new nickname," I grinned. "Big fan of those."

You should ask your mom.

He blinked at me, a ghost of a smile forming. He liked it. "You really think I'll get all the babes?"

Babes? This kid is a natural.

"Oh yeah," I said, nodding seriously, trying to hide my smirk. "You're gonna have girls all over you in no time with this one. Just gotta act tough, and they'll be lining up."

Jason raised an eyebrow, clearly amused, but didn't say a word. I shot him a look that said don't even start. He just held up his hands in surrender, backing off, though I could see him biting back a laugh. I finished cleaning Maddox up and placed the unopened supplies back in the kit.

"Alright, that should do it," I continued, turning back to Maddox. "Think you can stand?"

He nodded, letting me help him up. The kid was putting on a brave face, but I could tell he was still hurting. I kept my hand on his shoulder, steadying him as he got his balance.

"Maddox!" I heard Kimberly's voice before I saw her, and that was when I realized she must've been watching from the car. She rushed over, her eyes wild with worry, and immediately dropped down beside him.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice laced with panic as she examined his knee. I had to bite my tongue not to tell her it was just a scrape. I wasn't about to throw fuel on the fire right now.

"It's okay, Mom," Maddox said, glancing between us. "Coach says it's no big deal."

I caught Kimberly's gaze for a brief second, and damn if I didn't feel a jolt of something electric. There was anger in her eyes, but also… gratitude? I didn't know, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask.

"Thank you," she muttered, barely glancing my way as she focused on Maddox. "I'll take it from here."

She lifted Maddox up like he weighed nothing, cradling him as he clung to her. Her boys walked beside her on either side, guarding her like the secret service. They chattered away and laughed about something one of them said and I couldn't do anything but stare. I watched them head toward her car, unable to shake the feeling that I'd just been kicked in the gut.

I stood there, watching her leave with her little family. And it hurt to know that I'd never have anything close to that. Maybe they fought all the time, maybe Kimberly was over worked and under appreciated, but there was no doubt in my mind that those kids loved her. And maybe that's what I've been missing all my life. Someone that loved me too.

"We still on for drinks tonight?" Jason appeared to my side suddenly.

I wanted to say not tonight, but I realized that I wasn't ready to be alone yet. I needed a friend. I needed a family. And although Jason wasn't blood, he was the closest thing I ever had.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I'll be there."

I slammed back the shot of whiskey, the burn a welcome distraction from the frustration bubbling beneath the surface. Music was loud, and the place was crawling with women—women who, on any other night, would've had my attention. Hell, I usually thrived in these moments. This was our thing. Jason and I would come out, knock back a few drinks, and see which one of us could score the quickest. Normally, it was all fun and games, a great way to unwind after a long day at the hospital.

But tonight? Not so much.

All I could focus on was my conversation with Jason. The neon lights cast a dull glow over his face, but he was grinning like an idiot, clearly amused at my expense.

I took another sip of whiskey, the burn doing nothing to ease the frustration knotting my gut. The usual thrill of the hunt wasn't there. It hadn't been for days, if I was being honest. The women around me blurred into one faceless crowd because my mind was stuck on her— Kimberly.

Jason, though? He was having a blast. He leaned back in his chair, laughing at something I'd said earlier, still wearing that smug grin like he'd won the lottery. A tall brunette caught his eye, and he sent her a wink. Typical Jason. He was in his element, but all I could do was sit there, staring into my drink, replaying the phone call with Kimberly over and over in my head.

A light chuckle broke through my thoughts, yanking me back to the present. "So, you're thinking of sticking around Angel Grove for more than the six months you planned?" Jason asked, that infuriatingly smug grin plastered on his face.

I shook my head, feeling that familiar swirl of uncertainty.

"Honestly? I don't know. Where the hell do I go from here?" I took a sip of my drink, hoping the alcohol would somehow provide clarity or at least make me forget I was even having this conversation

"Home?" he offered, his eyes gleaming like a kid who just figured out where the hidden candy stash was.

I scoffed, shrugging it off. "Home? I don't think I have one of those. Last time I checked, my address was wherever the hell I drop my keys."

"New York! Open up that practice you've always wanted. You've been dreaming about this shit for years," he continued, leaning back like he was on some goddamn motivational speaker's tour.

Back to that nightmare?

"Yeah, no thanks. You know why I can't go back," I shot back.

"Because of Kat? Seriously?" he teased, raising his eyebrows so high they might've flown off his face.

"What do you mean?" I snapped, defensive as hell.

Jason crossed his arms, smirking like he'd just cracked the code to the universe. "It means that once you get bored here, you'll crawl back to Kat like a little puppy looking for its owner.

"Get fucked. I do not," I insisted.

"Tommy, you guys have this pattern. You break up and get back together like it's a goddamn dance routine," Jason said, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

Alright, maybe he wasn't entirely wrong. Katherine and I did the on-again, off-again thing for years, practically perfected it. We'd break up, get pissed, go our separate ways, and somehow end up back together like nothing happened. But that was before, back when I was stupid enough to believe it was worth fixing every time it fell apart. Because I loved her… or maybe some twisted version of that. Hell, I don't know. But now? Ha!

"Yeah, but that was before she went and had a whole ass life with that dick cheese from her job. I'm not going back," I grumbled, irritation flaring.

Jason leaned in, the bastard clearly loving this. "And, of course, you've got Kim now."

I snorted, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all. "Oh yeah, I've really got her," I scoffed, feeling the sting of sarcasm. "She's about as interested in my love life as a cat is in a bath. More drama than a soap opera, and I'm the dumbass who walked into it."

I'd filled him in on our disastrous phone call from the other night. Not one of my proudest moments, I must confess.

"She actually said you were taking it out on her kids 'cause she turned you down?" Jason chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "Man, you're fucked."

I shot him a glare. "Yeah, real funny, asshole."

He laughed harder, his broad shoulders shaking. "It is funny! I just can't believe you're all twisted up over a woman with three kids and more baggage than JFK."

I simply glared.

"You. You? Mr. I-Don't-Do-Commitment getting riled up over a mom with a mini army. That's rich."

I downed the rest of my whiskey, the glass hitting the table a little harder than I intended. "It's not about her being a mom, alright? It's about how she thinks I'm some kind of asshole, taking shit out on her kids like I've got some kind of agenda."

Jason shrugged, still grinning. "Dude, she's a single mom. She's been burned before. And those kids? I'd bet money they've got daddy issues the size of Texas. Of course she's gonna be defensive. You've gotta see where she's coming from. You're a new guy in her life, and her kids are her top priority. Of course she's gonna be protective."

"Protective?" I snorted. "That's putting it mildly. Tyler and Jeffrey? Those two are like rabid dogs. Maddox is fine, but the other two? They're fucking nightmares."

Jason raised a brow, still smirking. "Maddox is a great kid, man. And today? That whole fall incident? Man, you're a natural. You did great. He's like a mini you, always wanting to be in the middle of the action."

I had to admit, it felt good hearing that. It's not like I needed his approval, but… yeah, okay, maybe it meant something to me. Maddox? The kid was solid. A good one. The kind of kid you actually wanted to be around. Unfortunately, he came as a package deal with two miniature hellions hell-bent on testing every last nerve I had.

"That's because you're not the one dealing with Tyler and Jeffrey," I shot back, irritation flaring again. "You have no idea what it's like. They don't listen to anything. They're disrespectful, stubborn as hell, and they need someone to tell them 'no' for once in their lives."

Jason's grin widened, and he leaned back, sipping his beer. "Sounds like someone's scared of a couple of teenagers."

"Fuck off," I growled. "This isn't a joke. Those kids need discipline. And she's not doing it. I did them a favor, but she's acting like I'm the villain for making them run some damn laps."

"Do you think you were a little hard on them because they didn't quickly fall in line?" He asked.

Ugh.

I didn't want him to be right. "Maybe… but I know I'm not completely in the wrong."

"They're kids Tommy and…" Jason's expression softened, but the amusement didn't leave his eyes. "You ever think maybe you're seeing a little bit of yourself in those kids?"

I froze, the glass halfway to my mouth. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He shrugged, taking a swig of his beer. "You grew up rough, Tommy. You needed structure, rules, something to keep you in line. Those boys? They've been abandoned by their dad. They're angry, and they're acting out. Sound familiar?"

I clenched my jaw, not wanting to admit he was onto something. "That's different. I had to fight to survive. I didn't have a choice."

Jason leaned in, his voice quieter but serious. "You know why I'm bringing this up, right? You remember how we met?"

I frowned, not wanting to go down memory lane right now. "Yeah, in New York. So what?"

"You were a scrappy little shit, just like those boys. I found you in an alley, getting into a fight with three guys twice your size. You weren't backing down. You had this anger in you, this need to prove yourself. Same shit those boys are going through now."

I clenched my jaw, the memory flashing back. I was thirteen, pissed off at the world, getting into trouble because I didn't know any other way to deal with the shit life had thrown at me. Jason had stepped in, dragged my sorry ass out of that fight, and for whatever reason, decided to stick around. I met my other two best friends, Rocky and Billy there. But he was right. Ihadbeen a scrappy little shit. But I needed to be. Back then, I was angry at the world. My foster parents didn't give a shit, and I had to look out for myself. I fought because it was the only thing that made sense, the only way to feel like I had any control.

"That's different," I muttered, swirling the drink in my glass. "I had to fight. I grew up in the system. It was survival. They have a mother that loves them… if I had that—"

"—It doesn't matter. Those boys are surviving too," Jason said, more serious now. "They're just doing it in a different way. Acting out. Pushing people away. Same as you did."

I set the glass down, my fingers tapping the edge. "You're saying I'm like those two?"

Jason nodded, his expression softening. "More than you think. They've got abandonment issues, man. Same as you did. And maybe that's why you're so pissed off. You're seeing yourself in them, and it's hitting a little too close to home."

He was right, and it pissed me off even more because I didn't want to admit it. I was angry—too angry—about those kids. And maybe some of that anger wasn't really about them. Maybe it was about me. But I wasn't about to spill my guts here in a bar. I didn't respond, just sat there, staring into my drink. I didn't want to see myself in those kids. I didn't want to deal with their shit because it forced me to confront my own.

"So what do I do?" I asked, my voice rougher than I intended.

Jason shrugged, his smirk returning. "That's up to you. But if you really care about Kimberly, if you actually give a shit about her, you can't just write off her kids. They're part of the deal. And like it or not, you're more like them than you want to admit."

I sat back, letting his words sink in. He was right. Kimberly's kids weren't just some annoying obstacle, they were a reflection of my own past. And maybe that's why this whole thing with Kimberly was so fucking complicated. Because I wasn't just fighting her kids.

I was fighting myself.

Author note: Hey there! Hope you guys enjoy. I had fun with this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always let me know what you think in a PM or review. It always makes my day. See you next time.