Found
The sounds of laughter and Latin music spilled out from the bar and grill as Mac entered through the crowded doorway. After a long day at work, Mac was hoping to relax, clear her mind, and maybe even get a decent meal. She found a booth in the rear of the establishment, and leaned back into the corner, kicking off her heels under the table. Groups of young people dominated the environment, leaning over balconies, playing pool, flirting with each other in jovial abandonment. A few couples tucked away in the shadows, engrossed in private conversations. Mac really wasn't in a sociable mood, but there were limited options in Cartagena this late in the evening. She and Harm were on a TAD assignment, and this case had been particularly stressful and involved. A Marine had been charged with rape while traveling on R-n-R, and he was currently being held by local authorities. The Judge Advocate Generals office had been called down to help sort out the international legal ramifications. Soon to be extradited back to the United States, the Gunnery Sergeant was unrepentant and had given the armed forces a lot of bad press. Columbian officials had been cordial and facilitative, but the political stakes were high. In the context ongoing drug trafficking disputes, U.S. and Colombian investigators used this case to battle over legal boundaries and brought a lot of unwanted attention to the waterfront community of Cartagena.
With all of the tension of this investigation, the emotional distance Mac felt around Harm since returning from Paraguay only widened. It didn't help that they could barely see eye to eye on any of the key issues of this case. Hopefully, they would wrap-up their on-site investigative work by tomorrow, and be able to return to D.C in the afternoon. Maybe she would even have the chance to talk to Harm about some of the unresolved issues between them during their flight home. Mac sighed in exhaustion, when she considered all of the things left unsaid. It always seemed to be that way with them - lost opportunities, missed communications, bad timing. Would they ever get it right, Mac wondered? Someday... perhaps. She could always hope. Her unrealistic, romantic heart gave her little choice.
Mac ordered an iced tea and sandwich from the waitress in her limited Spanish and sat back in her seat to take in the surroundings. It was always interesting to people watch, and easy to get lost in the sounds of mellow music. Then she saw him. Mac realized that she had been unconsciously searching for Harm amidst all of the unfamiliar faces. She could spot his tall form anywhere, even blended in to the cramped restaurant decor and brightly dressed patrons. His handsome features always stood out in a crowd. Mac was surprised at the sudden gladness she felt on a visceral level at just seeing her partner across the room. Harm often had that effect on her, although he probably never knew it.
Mac was about to wave to him, when her arm stopped abruptly in mid-motion. He wasn't alone. Harm was talking intently to a pretty blond woman, and they seemed to be quite engaged with each other. She appeared to be in her early twenties, and gazed up at him like a schoolgirl with a crush. They were obviously attracted to each other, smiling, touching, and making small talk. Mac realized that Harm was flirting with her, and the young lady seemed to be enjoying all of his ardent attention. Mac knew she should look away, but couldn't help herself. She felt like a voyeur into Harm's private life, but continued to stare at the unfolding scene. They stood close together in the hallway leading to the phones. Harm had his arm held firmly above her on the wall and was leaning in like a predator. Come to think of it, Mac had never seen him like this, stretched out and seductive in full masculine form. Although she had often teased him about womanizing, Mac had almost gotten used to the rather asexual Harm of recent years. Somehow it seemed strange to actually witness Harm as an available bachelor, trying to pick up a woman. It made Mac very uncomfortable to consider Harm as an object of desire for anyone else.
Harm flashed the attractive girl his killer smile at something she said, and they laughed together, their bodies coming in close contact. Then, he moved in for a kiss, and Mac reeled in shock as she saw Harm press her up against the wall with his body. The movements of his lower half exuded sexual innuendo, and the girl responded in kind. Mac knew she should close her eyes at the provocative gesture, but still she looked on. Harm seemed to whisper something in her ear, and then took her hand to lead the blond out of the back door of the bar. Mac sat frozen at her table, and felt the heat of emotions wash over her. She was stunned, almost sick to her stomach. She needed some air. Mac got up quickly, canceled her order, and headed straight back to her room. She sat down on the bed, and just examined the sallow green carpet for a long moment. Her heart was beating fast in her chest, and she tried to gather her thoughts. The first sting of tears swelled up in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. She fought the overwhelming disappointment that could so easily envelop her. She tried to block out the raw pain of betrayal. She had no personal hold on Harm; she knew that. He was free to live his life, and enjoy a normal sex life, even with strangers if he chose to. As her gut clenched in dread, Mac finally fell back on the bed and allowed herself to feel the full extent of her sadness. She gave in and cried into the pillow. Some dreams would have to die.
Outside, Harm walked with his companion around the back of the building to a brick courtyard partially illuminated by street lamps. A tree hung over the fence of an adjacent apartment building, and the couple found their way to a secluded corner. The noises of city living could be heard in the background, with occasional bursts of song and celebrative voices. Harm stood in front of his unexpected date for the evening and resumed his flirtatious advances, enjoying a reprieve from his otherwise tedious life. This woman was beautiful and carefree, and so incredibly sexy. Yes, she was barely 25, but who's counting anyway? Her curves and youth were as intoxicating as any drug. Harm was tired of being alone, sick of being immobilized with the propriety and regulations in his life. He was far away from his dutiful world in Washington, and recent events had propelled him to throw a lot of things out the window. Granted, he had gotten his job back in the Navy, but the whole episode in Paraguay, even before that with the murder trial, caused him to seriously reevaluate the direction of his life. He felt like he was in a perpetual holding pattern. He wasn't certain of anything anymore...not the law, not the Navy, not Mac.
Perhaps it was the lull of the nightlife in Cartagena with all the cafes, tourists, and festive lights. There was a feeling of abandon in the air, and Harm felt its pull. On an unconscious level, Harm wanted to lose himself for just one night. Either it was going to be with bourbon in a bar, or with a woman. Since he was technically still on duty, Harm knew it couldn't be with a bottle, leaving him drunk and senseless. Then he had met Heather, and an amazing lightness filled his senses. She was bright eyed and fun, and kept him off guard enough to be a little bit of a challenge. Their casual conversation had spiked his attention, and Harm was surprised to find Heather quite interesting on a number of levels. Of course, it had never been difficult for Harm to find something attractive about most women. Harm liked their company and felt at ease around the opposite sex. With Heather, though, something special had caught his fancy on this, his evening of escape. It wasn't just her striking figure or gifted social skills. She was unpretentious and spontaneous. The daughter of a Navy Captain who grew up overseas, she was temporarily traveling with friends on vacation. Heather had led a remarkable life thus far. Foremost, she struck Harm as being completely unburdened my any emotional hang-ups or obligations. It was refreshing for once to not have any tangled history to muddle through. There were no hidden land mines or sensitive subjects. There was only Harm and this available woman, opening up herself to him...daring him with her wide-eyes to push further. And he did.
When the right moment came, Harm rested his hands at the small of Heather's back and began a passionate kiss. They became lost in a sensual embrace. He slowly leaned her back towards the dividing wall, and pressed his form against her. Harm felt so alive and invigorated with sexual energy. He wanted more, and he could tell by the way Heather returned his advances that the feeling was mutual. She spread her legs and arched her body into his. Harm could feel the heat of Heathers flushed skin underneath her thin cotton shirt. The smell of her shampoo and perfume filled his senses, as he kissed the nape of her neck with uneven breath. His hands freely roamed over her physique. It would be so easy to take this somewhere else and let the full force of his libido play out. It had been nearly two years since he'd had sex with a woman. He wanted her, and let her know it.
At some point, Heather pulled back and looked into his eyes with an expression of anticipation. She asked if he had a room somewhere they could go, just for tonight, and he smiled. Here stood this breathtakingly beautiful woman, offering herself to him, no strings attached. A thrill of excitement ran through his body. He studied Heathers attractive features and found her proposition almost unfathomable, since the whole interlude seemed surreal to him. Perhaps this was just another erotic dream that would leave him unfulfilled and frustrated. If it was, he didn't want to wake up yet. She was the epitome of youth - soft hair, supple lips, slender arms. Her face held no visible lines of age, no trace of hardness or struggle. He wanted to fall into her hazel eyes and absorb her loveliness into his soul. Harm stole another kiss from her in response to her question, and ran his tongue inside her mouth sensually. She was so pliant and yielding. He felt incredibly aroused, and his body instinctively yearned for consummation. Yet, a nagging thought entered his mind, far away at first...but more pressing by the second. He tried to drive it away, but it became unrelenting. Oh, how he wanted to experience the ecstasy of physical pleasure. He longed for that sweet intimacy with her, to adore her, to have her But...no...he couldn't do it.
Just a little longer, his more primitive self argued. It felt so good, so unbelievably exhilarating to touch her. He had only been given a taste, a glimpse of what he could have...but it was too late. His conscience had already cut him off. Damn it. Why did he have to care? Why couldn't he settle for comfort sex? But there were just too many reasons why it was wrong, and he couldn't hide from the truth. He was nearly forty and had no business with someone her age. He also knew he'd never see her again. Contrary to what some had believed of him, Harm had never had a one night stand. He had always engaged in serial monogamy. Sex had always happened out of the context of a relationship, although his weekend fling with Kate Pike might have been the only exception. Even in that case, Kate had not been a virtual stranger that he met in a bar. Sadly, Harm knew it wasn't in his nature to sleep around, and had to put a stop this encounter. He almost felt like a coward. Why couldn't he go through with it? Other men did.
With great internal regret, Harm brought his hands up to Heather's bare shoulders and met her curious eyes, still glazed over with sexual excitement. He let her down gently, and apologized for leading her on. He tried to smooth things over with a half-hearted explanation, all the while he touching her cheek tenderly with his left hand. It was going to take while to bounce back from this one. He knew he had to calm down and think more clearly, or he could still abandon his morals with this pretty woman. His respect for Heather only grew once he observed her reaction. She seemed to understand his ambivalence and responded maturely, without taking it as a personal rejection. Harm was grateful for her kindness and restraint. A few minutes passed, and both of them were reluctant to lose physical contact with each other. Heather rested her head on Harm's shoulder and they simply swayed together in a silent dance. Finally, after some awkward dialogue, Harm offered to walk her home, and she politely declined. She seemed disappointed, but Harm pulled her into an affectionate hug. Then, their paths parted, and Harm watched her walk back into the well-lit building.
He stood there alone for a while, staring up at the night sky, trying to make sense of what just happened, what might have transpired. He felt a chill in the air, and was acutely aware of how disconnected he felt from the world of happy, normal people...in relationships, creating lives together, making commitments, making love. With much self-recrimination, Harm headed off down a dark alley and emerged onto the main city street, amidst horse-drawn carriages and white-washed hotels. He walked aimlessly for nearly two hours, down cobblestone sidewalks, across bridges, and finally along the beachfront. He sat down in the sand, and just listened to the waves crashing with ominous power against the eroded fortress walls of the city. He always felt at home at the beach, but not this time. He didn't feel comfortable in his own skin. He wanted resolution, but could find none. Eventually, he returned to his hotel room and fell face down on his bed in defeat. His spirit was utterly dejected. He thought about Mac in the next room over. Although it was irrational, he partially blamed this whole situation on her. She was with Webb now. That was her choice. As he lay there filled with mixed emotions, he assessed the state of his affairs. He was a grown man, an emotional cripple really, still celibate after two years, still semi-aroused, lonesome and depressed. He was once again left in his solitary world.