Despite Maelia's wounds, she returned to Dragonstone on her. She couldn't afford long journeys, she wanted to keep her finger on the pulse and make all important decisions. When she returned, it was already dark, but the soldiers on guard recognized her. They wanted to escort her to the castle, but she told them to continue their work.
Once inside, she removed her gloves and held them in one hand as she walked through the mostly empty corridors of the castle. It was only near her chamber that a voice from behind her caught her.
"Your Grace? Already back?"
She didn't stop, but slowed her pace and looked over her shoulder.
"Ser." normally she would probably ask him if he ever sleeps at all, but she wasn't in the mood and also saw that she probably had to wake him up because, among other things, his hair was ruffled and he didn't have a sword on his belt, he was holding it in his hand.
"Should I wake Missandei, Your Grace?"
"N-no, no, there's no need. You can go back to bed yourself, I can handle everything myself." she replied, forcing a smile, but he saw through it, but didn't say anything. If she needed to be left alone, then so be it. He nodded and left her.
She entered her room and closed the door behind her, immediately feeling its spaciousness overwhelming her again. She ignored it and threw her gloves somewhere on a dresser and started undressing. She folded her clothes and put them on the chair at the desk, only hanging her coat on the back. She picked up her nightgown from the bed and put it on. She was relieved to feel the light fabric after a long time in her day clothes.
While sitting on the bed, she unbraided her hair and put all the things that held her hair up on the bedside table.
She took a deep breath and finally closed her eyes, lying down on the soft mattress and only after a few moments of inaction, covering herself with the duvet.
On the verge of sleep, she could finally rest. Peace, no one or nothing was bothering her mind, no specters of the past or future, no gloomy thoughts.
She rolled over and covered herself more with the duvet. She didn't even imagine that some warm, strong arms were hugging her to sleep, giving her a sense of security, separating her from the cruel world. Now she was alone and she felt good in her solitude.
By the time...
She was in some stands in King's Landing, that's for sure. There were lots of people around her. In the middle of the stands there was a box in which she couldn't see who was sitting because it was covered by a red cloth.
She turned her gaze to the arena where two men were fighting each other. She quickly recognized them and her blood almost froze in her veins. She felt stress tightening her throat, as if she didn't know the end of this fight.
Oberyn Martell fought Gregor Clegane.
No... No, no, no, no, no... I don't want to be here...
She looked away, but her gaze kept coming back to the arena. Especially when she heard what Oberyn was shouting.
"You raped her! You murdered her! You murdered her children!"
Her uncle's spear repeatedly collided with the Mountain's sword, each time causing her to flinch and hold her breath. She was afraid to see the blow that killed him. She couldn't convince herself that it was just a dream, that it had already happened, that she had already experienced the news of his death.
Since it's a duel between Oberyn and the Mountain, it means the Lannisters are in the box. For sure, because who else? Visenya slowly rose from her seat in the stands and began to weave through the people to reach the box.
Tywin Lannister who took away my family and childhood, Cersei Lannister who sits my throne, Jaime Lannister who tried to kill me, I need to see them.
"You murdered her!" at that moment Oberyn's spear wounded the Mountain in the leg. "You murdered her children!" he screamed even louder, ran and jumped at him, sticking spear into his stomach.
Maybe he will win after all? At least in my dream...
There was a commotion in the stands, people were shouting and exchanging various observations with each other, everyone was waiting for the finishing blow, which did not come.
"Are you dying? Already? No... No, you can't die yet. First you have to confess." Oberyn pulled his spear from his stomach. "Say it." he started walking around the Mountain lying on the ground. "Say her name. Elia Martell. You raped her. You murdered her children. Elia Martell. Who gave you the order?" he pointed to the stands. "Who gave you the order?! Say her name!" he repeated his accusations like crazy, and Visenya was getting closer and closer to the box.
Just a few more steps and she stood before the impassive Tywin.
"You gave the order." she said, even though he couldn't hear her. "You gave the order, you ordered the death of her and innocent children..." tears of anger were gathering in her eyes. "You told to keep alive only me... Y-you... You..."
"You monster!" she shouted simultaneously with Oberyn. Except that Oberyn fell to the ground at that moment, knocked over by the Mountain.
"NO!" she screamed and wanted to throw herself towards her uncle, his only family, the one who always fought for her. But someone grabbed her arms from behind. She didn't even turn around to see who it was, the most important thing at that moment was Oberyn, even though the silhouette of the fighters began to blur through her tears.
"Elia Martell. I murdered her children. Then I raped her. And then I crushed her head, just like that!" and at that moment the Mountain, clasping his hands on Oberyn's head, pressing his eyes into his skull with his thumbs, crushed his head.
She didn't think she could scream so loud. She saw death, they tried to kill her, use her, harm her... But it was something more terrible.
She would only have nightmares that night.
She felt like she was fainting, that it was too much. But she fell as if into someone's arms. When she wiped the tears from her eyes, still terrified and shaking, she realized that she was leaning against... Selaria's side. They were in some chamber in the Red Keep. Wait... Her chamber. She looked at her former maid and saw that she was clutching a small bundle, a child. She was shaking, looking straight ahead. She looked like she was dreaming of getting out of here, tears were streaming down her face, she was forcing herself to keep her eyes open.
She... She was that child.
Her nightmare didn't end. The bodies of two children, her siblings, were lying on the floor. Yes, this was her chamber... When they took her to King's Landing after Robert's death, they made her live in the chamber where her mother and siblings had died.
She crouched next to Selaria, seeing what Oberyn had just accused the Mountain of. She saw the Mountain raping her mother, as she screamed and begged him to stop. Her screams were mixed with moans of pain - not only physical, but also from the loss of her children.
Visenya clung to Selaria like she did when she was a child. She closed her eyes and begged her to do something, to take her away, to save her mother. She stayed like that, gripping her clothes tightly until a strong hand grabbed her neck and lifted her up.
It was the Mountain. She couldn't catch her breath as he lifted her up, gripping her tightly by the throat. He threw her on the bed, next to her mother's corpse, on the bloody sheets. He wanted to... He was going to...
She was close to being paralyzed by fear, but she managed to slide off the bed before he grabbed her, but she didn't end up on the floor.
There is still one place left. One more thing that fate forced her to see.
Her clothes immediately became wet, but not from the water itself. It was blood-soaked and red. A few rubies landed on her arm, which was submerged in shallow water. She was almost lying on her stomach, forcing herself to support herself with her arms with the rests of her strength.
She was trembling, desperately longing for someone to hold her to his chest and hold her until everything came together in her head, until her emotions loosened their grip on her. The cold water didn't help at all, especially since she was anticipating what she was about to see.
She felt she had to face it, otherwise this nightmare would never end, she would never wake up. She slowly rose to her knees, keeping her eyes on the water in front of her, on the rubies and blood that flowed along with the current.
She tried to take a deep breath, but it shuddered like every other breath she took. She would never be ready for this, so she had nothing to wait for. She turned her head, looking at who was lying almost right next to her.
He was lifeless, eyes empty, silver hair escaping from under his helmet. Chest armor crushed by weapon drawn by a strong hand.
"Dad... Mom..." she said it more to herself than to anyone else.
She reached out to touch the wound on his chest, the ruined armor, but then something else caught her attention. The dagger on her father's belt. Something seemed to guide her hand towards it. She suffered touching her father's corpse no less than when the Mountain threw her on the bed next to her dead mother. But she pulled the dagger from its sheath. Its blade wasn't ordinary, it looked like something had been carved on it.
"From... From me... mine... my?" she tried to read, but the letters were very blurry, maybe something could be done to make this sentence readable?
She won't find out because someone whipped the dagger from her hand and the last thing she saw before waking up was a war hammer that was moving very quickly towards her face.
She sat up in bed with a scream, clutching the duvet so as not to clench them on her hair and tear them out.
Her scream did not go unnoticed, because the door to the chamber burst open and Ser Arthur ran through it, his sword already drawn.
"Your Grace?" he ran up to her, but seeing what condition she was in, he sheathed his sword. She was in no danger, not from anything he could protect her from.
She didn't even look at him, her tearful yet empty eyes focused on nothing in particular, and her hands slowly let go of the covers and tightened on her arms as she tried to comfort herself by hugging herself.
At first he didn't know what to do. Leave? No, he couldn't leave her like this. Call someone? But who? Besides, then he would have to leave, and he felt like he shouldn't leave her now. He felt a bit like after Ser Barristan's death, when she unexpectedly clung to him, seeking comfort.
He slowly sat on the bed. He reached for her arms and released them from the grip of her own hands, which was so tight that it left marks on her skin. Her hands tightened on his as soon as he took them. He squeezed her back, but not as tightly. They sat like that until her hands finally stopped gripping his tightly. That's when she finally looked at him.
"I saw them... Their death..." she whispered.
She fell silent again. Her voice caught in her throat. She was slowly starting to regain control of her body, but it was still a great relief when Arthur pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly. She closed her eyes and focused on his heartbeat, as if it was the most wonderful sound anyone could hear.
They were close, sometimes they held hands, but they didn't hug. It was a special moment when he held her in his arms as if she was his daughter, as if he wanted to protect her from all the evil in the world and suffered because he couldn't do it. Time didn't exist in that moment, there was only this closeness between them, this comfort that his presence gave her, by being so close.
She wished she could somehow express her racing thoughts, everything she was going through inside. But the only thoughts she could form were those of revenge. Unfortunately, most people responsible for her pain have already died. She could not punish them herself, they fled from justice.
But there was still someone alive who deserved the worst, who she wished dead. She would give up the crown if it meant she could watch him die in pain.
"Gregor Clegane. I want him to suffer, to die." she whispered, lifting her head slightly so that she and Arthur could look into each other's eyes. "Swear to me. Swear to me that you'll kill him. This is what I want. This will bring me comfort. Only this. Swear it."
The tears had dried on her face, but she was still close to crying again. She needed him to promise her this now, she needed this to be able to recover. Him promising her revenge for her mother and siblings, for her uncle, this thought will push her forward, help her gather herself to pursue her goal.
One word, I swear, will help her pull herself together enough to carry on for the next days, weeks, months, years, gods - if they exist - know how long until she gets her desired revenge.
"I swear, my Queen." he replied, gently combing her loose hair before pulling her back to him, resting his chin on her head.
He also felt the weight of these words. It was a promise. One he will be happy to keep. Elia Martell and her children deserved none of what happened to them. He will gladly push his sword into Gregor Clegane's throat, stomach, head, chest - anything that is part of Gregor Clegane's body and bring about his death, or at least one step closer to it.
Even before Visenya left her chamber in the morning, Theon Greyjoy and those who survived the clash with Euron's Iron Fleet landed on the island. She couldn't even rest for a moment, because there was a big... Let's say commotion, when Theon came across Robb on his way to the castle.
As if it wasn't enough that Varys had caught up with her early in the morning and they had a few things to discuss, now there was a noise at the entrance. She couldn't ignore it, so she headed there, followed by Varys and Ser Arthur. She stopped at a safe distance so she could listen in, but the voices quieted down.
Theon didn't defend himself, he looked as broken as he had been the first time they met in Meereen. He didn't protest, he didn't thrash when Robb grabbed his shirt and said something she couldn't hear. She didn't know what had happened between them, but Theon clearly felt guilty about something.
She sighed. She didn't have the strength for it. Not after a rough night. At first she wanted to ask Ser Arthur to gently separate them and she would move on, but she is the Queen, she can't ignore something just because she 'is tired'. Even more so if something is happening under her roof.
So she cleared her throat loudly, drawing attention to herself. Fortunately, her mere presence made Robb let him go.
"I have no idea what happened between you and I don't feel like bothering with it at the moment, but I wish you wouldn't solve your private quarrels under my roof, not in this way at least. I wouldn't want anything to happen to anyone here. Otherwise, there will be consequences." she managed to maintain the same tone throughout her statement. "Theon, we thought you were dead or captured."
"It should have been like this. But Euron has Yara." he answered briefly and looked down for a moment, as if preparing to ask something. "Your Grace, we have returned and we would like to ask you to help us rescue her and the other captives, assuming that Euron did not kill those who were of no value to him..."
She swallowed and clasped her hands in front of her to mask their tremors. She wanted to say that she had already tried to do something, she had contacted Euron, but his terms were unacceptable. If Yara, Elaria Sand, and her daughters were still alive, they were most likely in Cersei's hands now. If their plan fails, she will eventually have to give the order to attack the city, but then the prisoners will almost certainly be executed as soon as the attack begins.
"I beg you, Your Grace." he seemed to gain at least a little confidence, because he raised his head and walked towards her, stopping maybe a step away. "If there is even the slightest chance of saving Yara, I must take it."
She looked at him, estimating in her head what the chances were that Yara was still alive and they would be able to rescue her. She saw his desperation and her heart broke for it, because she knew what it was like to want something desperately, to grasp at every opportunity - even if the chances were slim.
"Euron is probably keeping her on his ship. From what I heard, he led her on a chain behind him through King's Landing. The flow of information from the city is hard these days, but this is what has been reported to me, Your Grace." Varys said, but she didn't turn to him.
"If you seek permission, I give it to you, Theon." she said, smiling weakly. "But I can give you nothing more than the ship and the people who came with you on it. I need-"
"We supported your claim to the Iron Throne, gave you our ships, and trusted you with our lives and the lives of our people." he interrupted her. He wasn't usually this bold, but this was about Yara, his sister. One of the last people he cared about.
If he was to die on the battlefield, in the sea, or at the hands of a former friend, he first had to know that she was free and able to lead the people of the Iron Islands.
"It is my duty to protect the inhabitants of the Seven Kingdoms." she explained calmly. "It will take Jaime Lannister a week to reach King's Landing, unless he travels day and night. I'm giving them this week, one last chance to give up. If they don't..." she stopped as she felt a lump growing in her throat. The capital, a city teeming with life, appeared before her eyes. The city she will most likely have to send her army and whatever ships she still has to. "If they don't, I will force them to lay down their weapons or crush them if they resist. I can't promise you that I will get your sister back, but I will do everything I can to make it happen."
She cut the conversation at that point and was going to move on to other matters at hand, but this time Robb's voice stopped her.
"Your Grace, I also need to talk to you urgently."
Why does everyone wants something from me precisely today?
She stopped and turned, looking at him for a moment. She wanted to refuse, but instead she nodded at Ser Arthur not to follow her any longer, then turned to Robb.
"Let's take a walk then. Fresh air will do you good." she walked towards the exit and said the second sentence as she passed him. Of course she meant how he clashed with Theon and that he needed to cool down a bit.
They walked slowly down the stairs towards the fortress gate. As usual, dragons were circling somewhere in the sky, sometimes playing with each other. She didn't miss the fact that Maelia was more careful in her movements, and when she laid on the ground, she licked and covered the injury. She felt like she shouldn't mount her, not when she was still recovering from the shot.
"I got a letter from Winterfell. The Night King's army was seen advancing on Eastwatch. If they break through the wall-"
"It kept them away from the human world for thousands years and it can hold on for a while longer." she interrupted him.
At first she wanted to ask who had seen this army, but she didn't want to prolong this conversation. Besides, she didn't think he would lie to her, he had no reason to.
"But the gates in the castles on the Wall leading to the other side aren't as strong." he noticed. "I have to go back."
She didn't expect this. She rather thought that he would try to persuade her to immediately change her goal. Meanwhile, he wanted to go back, even without her, without her forces. She had to give it to him, he was just as determined to defend his people as she was.
"You cannot." she protested.
"I must. I don't need your permission for this, I'm just informing you."
She wasn't going to let him leave. She would prefer not to have to use soldiers to do this, but he is slowly forcing her to do so. He may not think the same, but she considers herself his Queen and will not have him leave this island without her permission. She promised to help and she will, but in order not to look like an invader, she must go there with him.
"In two weeks at the latest, all my affairs in this part of Westeros will be settled and I will be able to leave these lands and go with my entire army to the North. Fourteen days will not make a difference." she said it so lightly, as if nothing bad could really happen in two weeks, even though she knew perfectly well - just like he did - that it was completely different.
"You should just kill her." he stopped and said it almost in a whisper. She didn't have to ask what it was about, she knew who he was talking about. She also knew about his personal beef with the Lannisters.
She opened her mouth to say something, a counterargument, but realized that it would have no effect on him. Not at all what she would like. That's why she thought about something else, so that maybe he would understand better, maybe he would see who she really was.
Instead of continuing to keep her hands clasped in front of her, she reached out and gently took his hand between hers.
"I will not build a new world using the values of the old one." she explained very gently, just as she used to talk to people who came to see her in Meereen. It hadn't been like that for a long time, now she had to be more severe, because the people here were different and required a different approach. But maybe, just maybe, there's a chance he'll understand her if he wants the same thing. "You trusted me once, I'm asking you to do it again."
It's hard to say whether he was more focused on her words, the gentle touch of her hand, or the fact that she made such an unexpected gesture in general. He had already noticed that she was not a monster, but he still did not expect such movement, such gentleness, even tenderness, from her.
Was this how she was with people close to her? Like Missandei or her knight? Is this the side she kept hidden so that no one would think she was weak? Like when she tentatively asked him for advice, afraid of how he would react.
If she really was like that and she showed this side to people in Meereen, then he is no longer surprised by what he once heard, that the inhabitants loved her. Not only for freeing them from their chains, but also for making their lives better.
He envied her determination and belief that she could change the world. He used to think it was all simpler, but life quickly taught him what people are like. Ruthless, ready for anything to achieve their goal.
He has built high walls around himself, he has chosen to devote his life to fighting for the North, but perhaps there are people - beyond his family - that he can let behind this walls?
We will see. They haven't known each other for long enough to let him to judge her adequately, but so far everything seems to indicate that she is really trying her best to ensure that there are as few casualties as possible on both sides of the conflict. She didn't want this war, but she had no other choice.
Or maybe his sister was right and he's just stupid and Visenya is manipulating him.
"I hope you will succeed." he replied, smiling weakly. "Really." that it won't come true, that to defeat the monster you have to become even worse one.
When Jaime arrived to King's Landing, he immediately went to meet his sister. They needed to talk seriously. He knew her, he knew that she didn't give up easily, but he had to at least try to convince her that the best solution for them now was... to surrender. Even if he himself didn't like this idea, because he didn't know what will await them once they put down their weapons. At this point, their fate was at least certain: they would die, one way or another.
Little consolation, he'd rather not die yet.
"How many people did we lose?" she asked in a completely cold tone. It's as if she doesn't notice that his armor and the rest of his clothes are in terrible condition, that he barely made it out of that unexpected battle alive.
But Cersei only cared about how many people they lost. And they couldn't even count it.
"It's easier to say how many survived." he replied. "Although some are probably in captivity or have fled the battlefield."
"In captivity? Do you think that whore and her army of savages left anyone alive?" she snorted, pouring herself some wine.
She didn't care how many people died during this battle, she was downright furious with them for getting themselves killed, for not fighting hard enough. She'll need an army soon. She will need it in the not so distant future.
Relations with the Iron Bank were... Very strained. They were not willing to support her, seeing that her opponent not only had a huge army and was supported by other kingdoms, but also had dragons. But anyone can be killed. Tywin taught her that, there is a way to get rid of everyone, more or less honorable way.
"These losses are nothing, we still have troops, gold, the Iron Fleet and the support of the Iron Bank." what she was saying was partly a lie, but Jaime didn't need to know that. He was supposed to lead her army and please her, not think, go beyond the role she would write for him.
"Nothing? Thousands of people have died and you want to send even more to slaughter?" he asked, as if he was surprised by his sister's attitude. Or maybe he just never wanted to see who she really was?
"To slaughter?" she snorted. "To war. To kill the silver-haired whore, that cunt Olenna, our traitorous brother and all those who dared to support the usurper. She has no rights to the throne."
Neither do you - he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. There's no time to argue about who should sit on the Iron Throne when there was actually no rightful heir. All they had left was the right of conquest.
Now the most important thing was to talk some sense into her, if she had any.
"I saw how the Dothraki fight. They themselves would be able to kill all our men. They will defeat any mercenaries, any army. For them, killing our people was not a fight, but a sport. And that's not even everyone she has according to what we know. Besides them, she has the Unsullied and the armies of all those Lords of the Seven Kingdoms who despise us!" he got angry, he couldn't talk about it calmly. There was no way the numbers were on their side, and that wasn't the end... "She was there, on the dragon, I'm sure you've heard about that too. The dragon killed our people as easily as you could trample an ant. Qyburn's scorpion didn't do anything to it, and she has three more of them." he approached her, both nervous and terrified of the situation they were in. "Cersei... We won't win this war, no matter what."
"So what should we do? What do you propose, commander of the Lannister forces? Sue for peace?" she didn't laugh, she barely smiled, but it was obvious that she was mocking him. She found his idea was stupid. "Father should have killed her while that stupid maid was still holding her. He made a mistake and now we have to pay for it."
She didn't even remember the maid's name, she didn't bother to remember that her name was Selaria. The only thing she remembered was her face, although it had become very ugly lately, but that little slut from Dragonstone would definitely still recognize her.
She wondered how she will react when she show her to her one day. What is more important, her stupid ambitions or the life of an old 'friend'?
Although it's hard to call it life at all, it's more like... Vegetation.
"I'm sitting on the throne that belonged to her ancestors. This is her only goal, this chair, power, at any cost." it sounded like Cersei was talking about herself, not Visenya. "Do you think that if we sue for peace, we will save our lives? Don't you remember how she treated you? It's because of you that she escaped, because of you that this war is happening!" she shouted at him. "Or maybe you still love her, this little whore? Pathetic..."
"I wanted to kill her during that battle, I almost died trying!" Jaime shouted back.
His feelings were... mixed. At the same time, he was afraid and thought that she wouldn't hurt them if they surrendered. The girl he remembered was not a monster. But years have passed... Who knows how many she killed and how she changed during this time...
"And you failed." she replied more quietly, but emphasizing these words very strongly. She drank some wine and set the glass on the table before continuing. "I haven't said the last word yet. Do you think that because you didn't learn anything from your father, neither did I?" she snorted. "I will kill her. I'll let her think she's won and then I'll cut off the dragon's head." she turned and walked to the window, looking out at the bay where Euron Greyjoy's ships were docked. "Get ready, we're saying goodbye to King's Landing for a while."
He didn't say it out loud, but in his mind he had already made up his mind that he would no longer follow Cersei. Sails alone, I've had enough.