Topher sat in his comfy chair by the fireplace, mug of cocoa in hand.
"Last time on Total Drama Mountain Party," he began. "Fourteen brand-new contestants arrived here at Mamahtawiyiniw Peaks, raring to begin what will no doubt be an unforgettable journey, full of formative moments they'll be telling their therapists about years down the line."
He took a sip of cocoa.
"The two teams - the Frosty Eagles and the Staggering Goats - stepped into the game immediately faced with their first challenge: head up the split path and complete the tasks along the way. On the Frosty Eagles, Jed set the pace for the rest of the team, though Nico decided he'd rather go at his own speed. Which was significantly slower. Hye-Jin and Ramsay questioned Jed's leadership, while Stewart just seemed happy to be there. I think."
"On the Staggering Goats, Debbie looked for loopholes in the challenge instructions, and had the team split up to try and get multiple tasks done at once. So far it hasn't worked, but that doesn't seem to deter Debbie. Also undeterred was Wilhelmina, who volunteered to cut all seven logs into wood for her team. Very deterred was Nelly, who went out of her way to avoid doing anything someone even suggested she do. Barney and Joshua both tried to form early alliances, but whether or not they'll stick is anyone's guess."
Topher took another sip of cocoa.
"Tonight: the conclusion of our first challenge, which will send the losers to our first elimination. Who's it going to be? Guess we'll find out, here on Total! Drama! Mountain Party!"
The Frosty Eagles watched as Ramsay chopped the last of the log he'd been working on.
"There..." he wheezed. "I think it's someone else's turn now."
Jed finished gathering the wood and depositing it into a rucksack. "Well done. Think I've caught my breath and can do the rest."
"That's four whole logs," Keanna mentioned. "You're clearly a wall of a man, but I'm dubious that even you can finish that quickly."
"I'm sure Stewart will be happy to take over if need be," Jed claimed.
Stewart lay on his back with his eyes shut and tongue hanging out, holding a wilting chrysanthemum to his chest.
"Do flowers even grow here?" Cath wondered.
"So what do we do neow while we wait?" Nico groaned, scratching behind his ear. "We never really came to a conclusion on that, since resting is apparently me-owt of the question."
"Maybe we should get to know each other better," Hye-Jin suggested. "Since we're a team, maybe that could benefit us. Like how frogs huddle together in piles to stay warm."
"If you want to hug me, you should just say so," Keanna laughed.
"Understanding does beget results," Cath nodded. "Good idea, Hye-Jin. 97 points."
"Oh, thanks!" Hye-Jin bubbled. "Anyway, my favorite salamander is the gray cheeked salamander because it's all shiny and it looks like it's wearing armor!"
"Make that 72 points. You're tempting fate," Cath changed.
"Huh?! Are you one of those 'it's one color so it can't be pretty' types?" Hye-Jin frowned.
"I, for one, find monochrome films to add to the immersive atmosphere of the picture," Ramsay claimed.
"How can something in black-and-white be immersive when real life isn't black-and-white?" Keanna laughed.
"That's not what 'immersive' means," Ramsay leered, frustrated.
"Uh, what's your favorite frog, Ramsay?" Hye-Jin interjected.
"I don't know if I have one." Ramsay put his hands up. "That blue-and-black poisonous one is kind of cool."
"The blue poison dart frog is so beautiful!" Hye-Jin agreed. "Have you ever seen such a rich blue anywhere else in nature?"
"What about water?" Keanna smiled. "And the sky?"
Everyone looked to Cath.
"If you're expecting some smart-aleck remark about how those things only appear blue because of how they refract light, you're out of luck," Cath sighed. "Color only exists because of how we perceive refracted light. It's basic physics, everyone. Don't you pay any attention in class?"
"Isn't it because of how we perceive reflected light, ge-nyah-rally?" Nico groaned.
Hye-Jin, Keanna, and Ramsay snickered at Cath, who blushed in embarrassment.
"That is... correct, Nico," Cath conceded.
"Do I get points for that, or should I not bother paying attention to you anymore?" Nico asked.
"Don't push it," Cath scolded.
Confessional:
Hye-Jin: The others might not be confident in their choices of favorite frog just yet, but I'll make sure they are by the time the game is over! Unless I vote them out first, but there isn't much you can do about that. (She shrugs.)
Nico: (He lets out a big yawn.) I saw The Magic School Bus once. Kitties don't have to know science, but when you lie on the couch all day as kitties do, you start to get bored and look for things to watch.
Wilhelmina and Tomas chatted while the former chopped the logs for the Staggering Goats.
"But ain't that the point of fast food?" Wilhelmina wondered. "To be quick n' simple?"
"It doesn't have to be," Tomas denied. "There's tons of places where you can get good burgers with all kinds of stuff on them. Tons of places where you can get wings. But none of it's just right."
"Do you know how to run a restaurant?" Wilhelmina asked. "Or any kinda business?"
"I'll get there," Tomas assured her. "I'm probably going to take business classes in college, once I get there."
"Just don't get in over your head there," Wilhelmina advised him with a friendly smile. "Trust me. I've seen so many big shots who buy a ton of animals, sayin' they're gonna open the 'next big eatery'. Doesn't usually go how they hoped."
"That's right, you work at your family's ranch, right?" Tomas recalled.
"Yes sir!" Wilhelmina confirmed proudly. "It ain't easy, but it's important."
"I bet," Tomas nodded. "It's gotta feel good, knowing you're the reason why everyone gets to enjoy good food."
"Aw, it's hardly just me," Wilhelmina laughed. "Our ranch ain't huge, but it's big enough. We got a buncha folks workin' there, not just the family. But hey, the job security sure is nice!"
"Well when I get my ideas off the ground, you'll be the first people I'll ring up," Tomas promised. "Okay, you know what?"
"Chicken butt?" Wilhelmina guessed.
"If we make the final two, then we can guarantee that both our companies make some good money," Tomas figured. "I'm just saying."
"It's a little early to be committin' to somethin' like that, but I appreciate it," Wilhelmina laughed. "And it ain't just you; I done told Joshua the same thing."
"Joshua, huh?" Tomas considered. "Well hey, if we work with him, that's a pretty strong group, actually."
"Could be," Wilhelmina agreed. "Right now, I'm just focusin' on the challenge." With another mighty chop, she split the last of the log she'd worked on. "There. Reckon you can take that back to the others."
Tomas gathered the pieces of wood into the rucksack. "Awesome. You going to carry some too, or keep cutting?"
"Reckon I'll take a breather, then get back to choppin' the wood," Wilhelmina decided. "Our team's countin' on me, after all! You go on ahead, n' I'll catch up when I get the chance."
"Sounds good!" Tomas gave her a thumbs-up.
He slowly headed back up the path.
Confessional:
Wilhelmina: Tomas is a sweet guy. I dunno if his plans on openin' a restaurant chain are realistic, but I wish him the best! And hey, I reckon I wouldn't mind workin' with him game-wise if it comes down to it. I'd like to get to know the rest of the team too before I make any big decisions, but I got a good feelin' about him.
Tomas: Alright, so maybe I don't know a lot of the finer details of starting a multi-million restaurant chain just yet. I'll get there. I do know that making connections is important, though, and Wilhelmina's pretty cool. Probably the person I want to work with most on the team. It's a good first step. The remaining steps - up the mountain that is - are going to be a bit tougher. But I'll pull through!
The Frosty Eagles watched in anticipation as Jed chopped the last log for their team.
"We've so got this," Nico commented.
"'We'?" Keanna asked.
"Yes, 'we', the Frosty Kitties," Nico said.
"Does that suggest you're going to start helping?" Cath pressed.
"I mean, what, next task is to carry the sacks to the next point?" Nico asked. "Cats can probably do that if these bags have backpack strings or something."
"They do," Ramsay confirmed as he inspected the rucksacks.
"See now, meow? I'm coming in clutch," Nico put his hands up like paws.
Stewart picked up a rock and clutched it in his hand. He opened his hand, and the rock was no longer there. He wore a shocked face, only to reveal the rock in his other hand. He then pretended to take a bite of it like an apple, nodding and smiling at how delicious it was.
"If these bags are as heavy as the logs before they were chopped, then we can use all the help we can get," Hye-Jin figured.
"Jed could probably carry four of them at once, but that's neither here nor there," Ramsay commented.
"Jealous?" Keanna teased.
"Hardly," Ramsay denied.
"Jed has already done above and beyond to reach 100 points in this challenge," Cath claimed. "Some of you struggle to reach 60. Seek to rectify that."
"Some of 'you'?" Keanna smiled. "I don't remember you doing much more than rolling one log. At least Ramsay cut one of them into pieces."
"I've kept a very watchful and attentive eye on everyone, making sure everything runs smoothly," Cath stated. "That alone is worth 20 points."
"I don't remember that coming into play when Nico refused to help me roll the log up the path," Hye-Jin murmured to Stewart, who ignored her while pretending to eat his rock.
"There. That should be the last of it," Jed announced with one final swing of the ax. "If someone can gather that log's wood into a sack, we can be on our way."
"I will gladly help, Jed," Cath offered. "It seems some people on the team think I'm not doing enough to help, which has never been true, but sometimes it pays to go the extra mile so those who can't focus will understand."
"Wait, what'd she say?" Hye-Jin asked, having kept her attention on Stewart.
As Cath gathered the wood into a rucksack, Jed hooked the ax onto a strap on his backpack.
"If I didn't know better, I'd call that a Chekhov's Ax," Ramsay joked.
"It's a hatchet," Jed stated. "I don't watch enough movies to know what weird science fiction you're talking about."
"Clearly," Ramsay winced as Jed stood back up and walked off to stretch his muscles.
Confessional:
Jed: I'm aware that Ramsay doesn't like me. Probably because I took his camera. That was his own fault. I will not apologize for keeping everyone's focus on the challenge. That's our utmost priority. This last task slowed things down, but we'll bounce back
Cath: I suppose there's something to be said about negative confirmation bias. If nobody notices that I'm keeping things running, then that just says that I'm not doing enough wrong for it to stand out. (She scoff-laughs.) Because other than Jed, I don't see anyone else on this team who seems to take it seriously.
Debbie, Joshua, and Morgan continued up the path, hoping to find the instructions to the Staggering Goats' fourth task.
"For someone like me to be part of a majority alliance so soon..." Debbie mused. "How strange would you say that is?"
"With Barney? Probably not strange at all," Morgan said.
"Really? Barney seems like an odd person to me," Debbie figured.
"Why do you think he was so insistent on taking Nelly and talking to the other two without Joshua?" Morgan asked.
"Because Joshua's relative normality might not gel with their dynamic?" Debbie guessed.
"What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" Joshua shouted.
"He's probably going to offer an alliance with those three, too," Morgan guessed. "I don't trust him even a little."
"I see," Debbie considered. "Do you suppose he'd stay loyal to us, instead of the other three?"
"Don't know, don't care, frankly," Joshua spat. "I never liked that guy, so it's not like I'm gonna work with him anyway."
"I see," Debbie hummed. "Who should we include as our fourth instead?"
"Huh?" Joshua blinked.
"Well, if we aren't working with Barney, we'll need someone else to reach a majority," Debbie explained. "Wilhelmina is both stranger than Tomas, and easier to work with than Nelly. Perhaps she holds the answers."
"Er, I guess?" Joshua half-answered.
Confessional:
Joshua: Look, I don't want to work with Debbie at all, to be perfectly honest. Big Mina, sure. Morgan, why not. But if we need a fourth, it's going to be Tomas, not some awkward chick who has to force her weird logic this hard! I'm not the only one who sees that, right?!
As Barney and Nelly descended down the path, they came across Tomas.
"Oh, hey guys!" the large man greeted. "What's up?"
"We, my good man, thought to check in on you and Wilhelmina," Barney explained. "We wondered if perhaps you may need help."
"Aw, thanks!" Tomas smiled. He pointed his thumb behind. "Actually, there are still some bags of firewood that need carrying, if you want to grab some of those."
"'If you want to', like anyone cares about what I want!" Nelly ranted. "I didn't even want to come check on you in the first place! But everyone else kept pressuring me to do something else, and I wasn't going to take that lying down!"
"I, sir, would be delighted to help," Barney said with a tip of his hat.
"'Preciate it, man," Tomas grinned before setting out.
"Actually, before you go, I have something I'd like to prrropose." Barney twirled his mustache.
"What's up?" Tomas wondered.
"As I walked with Morgan, Joshua, and Debbie, I couldn't help but notice they already seem to trrrust one another quite a bit," Barney claimed. "I fear they may already be full steam ahead. However, there are but three of them, and four of the rest of us."
"Whoa, for real?" Tomas asked. "They sure do work fast."
"Prrrecisely," Barney nodded. "I'll speak to Wilhelmina soon, but I wanted to know if you were interested in becoming part of a yet more powerful machine. One expressed to efficiently and effectively eviscerate the enemy."
"Oh, uh..." Tomas rubbed the back of his head. "Sounds good, I think."
"Splendid!" Barney patted Tomas on the back. "You won't regret it for a tick, my boy. Now go! Deliver your parcel."
The two headed in their intended directions. Nelly followed Tomas.
Confessional:
Nelly: Pfft! Did you guys hear that load of crock Barney just fed Tomas?! Insane! He really thinks I'm just going to go along with this alliance? Screw that! If what he said about the other three is true, I'd much rather work with them instead of him! And if it's not, I can throw him under the bus anyway! He really does think I'm stupid, huh? Well I'll show him!
The Frosty Eagles, with their rucksacks of firewood in tow, headed up the mountain path. Hye-Jin and Ramsay chatted as they walked.
"As an expert, what do you make of this environment, Hye-Jin?" Ramsay asked, peering around through the rectangle of his thumbs and index fingers. "Any chance we find frogs or related creatures around here?"
"Not in Canadian mountains, no," Hye-Jin informed. "There are frogs and salamanders who live in the mountains of California, but that's a warmer climate. Places like Yosemite, nowhere with snow. They're cold-blooded, and prefer to be surrounded by warmth and moisture, so that's why you usually associate frogs with swamps or rainforests."
"Interesting," Ramsay nodded. "I can see it now: a froggy protagonist who must give chase when an evil bird steals something - or someone - precious to him. He pursues the bird up the snowy mountain peaks, his struggle highlighted by a complete change in scenery color palette and mise-en-scène. He overcomes his struggles in the end, defeating the bird, and reclaiming that which he lost... though not without suffering another great loss. A side character? His innocence? A limb? Who knows?"
"Frogs aren't very effective mountain climbers," Hye-Jin doubted. "They have no evolutionary reason to be."
"Therein lies the pathos!" Ramsay proclaimed. "Viewers can suspend their disbelief on these things with effective enough storytelling. Maybe such a film could even highlight a frog's inability to climb. All to make our hero's efforts ring even more powerfully. Quick, write this down!"
"Huh? Don't you have a notebook of your own?" Hye-Jin blinked.
"I intended to take video logs, but..." Ramsay twitched and looked at Jed, who walked much further ahead. "I'll have to do so later. Quick, keep track of my ideas while we still have them!"
"Uhh... uhhhh...!" Hye-Jin panicked as she grabbed a notebook from her backpack and began writing. "What kind of frog did you say it was?"
"I didn't," Ramsay said. "We can figure that out later."
"I don't know, it seems kind of important!" Hye-Jin insisted.
"Well, what frog do you think would make sense for this story?" Ramsay asked.
"None of them! Frogs can't climb!" Hye-Jin exasperated.
Ramsay sighed.
Confessional:
Hye-Jin: Ramsay's kind of a weirdo, but he's fun! I told him one fact about frogs, and he came up with a whole movie about it! A movie that doesn't make a lot of sense, but... I guess that's kind of the point of fiction, huh? I wonder if he'll actually make it, or if he's one of those people who just likes coming up with ideas and not seeing them through.
Cath and Jed walked near the front.
"I have to admit, the rest of our team isn't instilling much confidence in me," Cath mentioned. "If we want to forge our path ahead, we need to really consider our options."
"Mm," Jed acknowledged.
"In descending order of point value thus far, I'd rank Keanna with 73, Stewart with 59, Ramsay with 52, Hye-Jin with 22, and Nico with 10," Cath listed. "However, I'm hesitant to put my trust in Stewart."
"Why not?" Jed asked. "He's strong."
"Well, yes, but his speaking ability adds up to a paltry 20 points," Cath explained. "And all twenty of those points come from a solid grasp of body language and facial expression. He's hardly someone we can trust."
"But you do trust me, is what you're saying," Keanna noted from behind the two.
"Keanna!" Cath gasped. "Do not sneak up on me like that."
"Don't talk about me behind my back and we'll call it even," Keanna laughed.
"...As I was saying, that leaves us with Ramsay, Hye-Jin, and Nico to grant us a majority," Cath continued.
"Well, Ramsay and Hye-Jin are clearly already getting along, so..." Keanna mentioned.
"We can include them both," Jed nodded.
"Excuse me? No we can't!" Cath objected. "What if we lose three challenges? Then what?"
"We won't," Jed promised.
"You can't know that for sure!" Cath argued. "You're coming dangerously close to 90 points!"
"So be it," Jed shrugged.
"I don't think people care about the points thing as much as you hoped," Keanna smiled.
"Well, they should," Cath huffed. "Quantifying one's progress is a proven effective way to encourage others to improve. It's why grading systems exist in the first place!"
"Anyway, having Stewart as our fourth is way funnier," Keanna contributed. "Also I don't like the other three as much. They're weird and not that strong in challenges anyway."
"...What do you think, Jed?" Cath asked skeptically.
"Whatever you're most comfortable with," Jed snorted. "Don't see the sense in talking about this so extensively."
"This from the guy who came super prepared for the game," Keanna laughed.
"I came prepared for a mountain excursion," Jed clarified. "Not gossip or politics."
Confessional:
Jed: Best way to not get injured during a hunt? Be thorough and vigilant. Best way to not get voted off? Be thorough and vigilant. Cath can do that her way, and I'll do it mine.
Debbie, Joshua, and Morgan arrived at their fourth stop, where a large ornate door blocked their path. A big cartoonish keyhole gazed at them from underneath the knob, and the door stood between vertical mountain walls and the edge of the path itself, disallowing passage through other means.
"Well, that was a huge waste of time!" Joshua complained.
"Not necessarily," Debbie denied. "Now we have information we didn't before."
"What good will it do us if we know we can't make it any further?!" Joshua doubted.
"Now we can stay focused on the prior tasks," Debbie explained.
"Like we could have just done if we did the challenge normally?" Joshua scoffed.
"I don't want to do things normally," Debbie claimed. "Where's the fun in that?"
"Oh my-!" Joshua ran his hands down his face. "Screw this! I'm going back down and actually helping my team!"
He stormed off as Debbie and Morgan watched.
"...There isn't much else to do but go back," Morgan figured as she followed Joshua down.
"I'll stay and see if there's some other way to open the door," Debbie decided. "Perhaps if I were to find enough rocks, I could stack them..."
Morgan caught up to Joshua.
"Where's the weirdo?" Joshua asked.
"I think Debbie said she's going to try and open the door without a key," Morgan informed him.
"Yeah, of course she is," Joshua grumbled. "How come everyone on this team is completely looney?!"
"They cast people who make for engaging television," Morgan shrugged.
"And what about you?" Joshua wondered.
Morgan did not respond.
"Whatever, fair enough," Joshua accepted. "Look, I'm down for us to work together, but screw Debbie and Barney. It's gotta be Tomas and Big Mina, right?"
"You're already on a nickname basis with Wilhelmina?" Morgan asked. "At that point, how could I say no?"
"I mean, do you want to be on a team full of numbnutses who go off and do stupid shit, or do you want a chance?" Joshua twitched.
Morgan did not respond.
"I'm just saying!" Joshua punctuated.
"I heard you," Morgan responded, annoyance lacing her voice.
The two arrived at the third station, where Tomas and Nelly arrived shortly after. The two seemed embroiled in conversation.
"So yeah, Barney's full of shit!" Nelly sneered.
"Dang..." Tomas rubbed the back of his head. "That's kind of insane."
"Oh, hey, you two!" Nelly acknowledged Joshua and Morgan. "I was just telling Tomas about how Barney's full of shit."
"He tried forming an alliance of four with you two and Wilhelmina?" Morgan guessed.
"Ha! He really is that stupid!" Nelly mocked. "We're totally voting him out if we lose, right?"
"Not if we don't lose," Joshua decided. "I'm going to check on Big Mina and see if there's any more wood I can carry."
"Oh, there definitely is," Tomas confirmed. "I grabbed what I could."
"I didn't even reach her. Barney fed his bullshit to Tomas partway there, and I just followed Tomas," Nelly relayed.
"Alright, you can keep being useless. Whatever," Joshua dismissed.
"Excuse me?!" Nelly snapped. "I follow my own path, regardless of what you deem to be 'useful' or not! Screw you, I'm going to carry two of those bags!"
Nelly marched back down the path. Tomas shrugged.
"Well, I'm going to start arranging the wood," Tomas informed them. "Did you get anything on the fourth point?"
"A door, which needs a key," Morgan explained. "The key is probably what's frozen in the ice block we need to melt."
"Gotcha," Tomas nodded. "In that case, let's get this done quickly!"
Tomas set his bag down. Morgan and Joshua headed back down.
Confessional:
Tomas: Man, all this hiking up and down the path is killer. Welcome to Total Drama, right? Heh. Sounds like the game's going at a pretty fast pace, too. It's kind of tough to keep up with it all, but I'm sure I'll figure it all out by the time I have to vote. (He scratches his temple.)
Morgan: Yes, Joshua, everyone on this team is insane, and you are not excluded from that! (She takes a deep breath.) I actually do think aligning with him, Tomas, and Wilhelmina might be the play, here. I still need to act aloof and disinterested, but not so much that they outright distrust me. Geez, how do people do this? Thank god no one can see my facial expressions. (She fidgets with her face mask.)
The Frosty Eagles arrived at the third point, which had an identical altar and instructions to the one on the other path.
"Very straightforward," Jed noted. He dropped his bag of wood onto the ground, opened it, and started stacking firewood all around the altar.
Stewart slung his bag, opened it, and began haphazardly tossing pieces of firewood onto the altar. Each piece landed perfectly upright on the slats.
"Careful! Don't knock any of it off!" Cath urged.
Stewart winked at Cath, not ceasing his efforts.
"Has anyone here ever lit a fire with a flint before?" Ramsay asked.
"Yes," Jed answered.
"You know what, I'll own that one, that was a stupid question," Ramsay conceded.
"Call me optimistic, but I have a good feeling about this challenge," Keanna mentioned. "I guess the other team could have two Stewarts and we won't know until it's too late, but it's probably best not to think about that."
"Then why'd you bring it up?" Nico asked.
"Just being honest," Keanna smiled.
"Nyah. You can just not say things," Nico told her. "Cats don't say things all the time. Sometimes they say meow, or purr, or even hiss, but... uh... I don't know where I was going with this."
"Sounds like you should follow your own advice," Keanna smiled.
"Meh," Nico responded.
Stewart grabbed the others' bags and began tossing the rest of the firewood up onto the altar.
"Be careful!" Cath urged.
"He is," Jed told her.
The two watched as each piece of firewood landed neatly on one of the altar's slats. Cath looked at Stewart in disbelief.
"What do you think is in the block of ice?" Hye-Jin asked Ramsay.
"Probably something we'll need to proceed," Ramsay guessed. "Maybe part of a mechanism, or a key of some sort."
"I really don't like seeing things frozen in ice," Hye-Jin shivered. "I heard a story once about a kid who liked freezing frogs. Which is horrible for anything, but for amphibians especially!"
"Hmmm..." Ramsay rubbed his chin.
"You'd better not be thinking of how to adapt that into your movie!" Hye-Jin gasped.
"What? No, definitely not," Ramsay denied.
After having taken everyone's bags and tossing all the wood onto the altar, Stewart finally concluded his efforts. He blew kisses and took a bow.
"Guess all we have to do now is light it," Ramsay figured.
"No, we still need something that will easily catch," Jed informed him. "Wood alone is very flammable, but doesn't burn easily without something to nurture the fire. Some kind of kindling."
"And you didn't think to mention this beforehand?" Ramsay asked.
Jed set down his backpack and began rummaging through it. He procured a small bottle, approached the altar, and poured some of the bottle's contents onto the wood surrounding the base.
"Do you and I have the same definition of 'flammable'?" Ramsay doubted.
Jed took the flint and steel and began scraping against the wood. It caught fire almost instantly.
"Never leave home without lamp oil," Jed claimed.
"Oh, of course, how could I forget?" Ramsay twitched.
"I know you're still upset about your camera, but surely you could tell Jed knew what he was doing," Keanna commented as the team watched the fire grow.
"Can you stop that?" Ramsay scowled.
"I could ask you the same," Keanna smiled.
"Your bickering is both nonproductive and irritating. 17 points," Cath claimed. "Keep an eye on the ice block. We'll need to retrieve whatever's inside."
"Will the melting ice put out the fire?" Hye-Jin wondered.
"Shouldn't. This much wood, the fire'll be too big," Jed answered.
The seven stood in wait as the fire began creeping up the altar, catching the wood situated on the slats.
Confessional:
Keanna: Okay, yeah, I know what y'all are thinking. 'Keanna, just stop saying things when people didn't ask.' But okay, it is not that simple. If it was, I'd just be not saying things when people didn't ask. My mind moves too fast, and so does this game. Gotta keep up with the rest of the players if you want to score any points. Not talking won't do anyone any good.
Stewart: (He sits with his legs crossed, pretending to read a magazine. He nods along to what must be a very interesting article.)
Wilhelmina cut the last of her team's final log with one mighty swing.
"Whew! There! All done!" Wilhelmina nodded, wiping her brow. "Just gotta wrangle all the rest of the wood in these bags, n' we're good to go!"
"Some assistance, perhaps?" Barney offered, tipping his hat as he arrived.
"Oh, Barney!" Wilhelmina greeted. "Just in time! I would really appreciate your help."
"A gentleman always steps in when a lady is in need of assistance," Barney claimed as he helped gather the wood. "And my assistance won't stop at but this."
"How's that?" Wilhelmina wondered as she started gathering.
"I just spoke with our good frrriends Tomas and Nelly," Barney relayed. "They agreed that the two of them alongside the two of us may forge a strength more powerful than bronze, iron, or steel."
"Is that a fact?" Wilhelmina smiled. "Well, I'm awful flattered, but I've already turned down a couple alliance offers already, on account of it bein' too early for that kinda thing. For now, I just wanna focus on winnin' the challenge. We can get to know each other better after that."
"It's a long path up the mountain. Surely we can get to know each other during our sojourn?" Barney suggested.
"Hm, I reckon we could," Wilhelmina agreed. She slung a couple of bags over her shoulders. "You ready?"
"Huh?" Barney blinked. "My, but you're quite industrrrious. I've hardly found the time to compile one bag."
"Oh, I can help with that." Wilhelmina quickly gathered pieces of wood and placed them into Barney's bag. "We gotta hurry! The rest of the team's probably countin' on us!"
"Did you not just chop those logs into carryable condition all on your own?" Barney grinned. "And still energy to spare, I see."
"Yes sir!" Wilhelmina pumped her fists. "Like I said, folks are relyin' on us."
With all the wood in Barney's bag, the two set off up the mountain path.
"But enough about me," Wilhelmina giggled. "What's your life like, Mr. Gears n' Gadgets?"
"Hohoho, you're curious to know, are you?" Barney twirled his mustache. "Well, what do you suppose a steampunk enthusiast might do in his spare time?"
"No idea!" Wilhelmina proudly proclaimed. "Don't reckon I ever really heard of it 'til I met you."
"Well, my dear, not only am I a steampunk enthusiast, I am also a games enthusiast," Barney told her. "And the two conflate quite nicely into roleplaying adventures. I will partake in such activities with my chums when given the chance. You know of tabletop roleplaying, yes?"
"Hey, I ain't that much of a bumpkin," Wilhelmina laughed. "One of my brothers does that with his friends on the internet, I think."
"There are many stories just clamoring to be told, my dear!" Barney proclaimed. "And I use this medium to paint my own pictures of the mind. Airships, automata, and the always-adored aesthetics of the artistic movement. I take those interested on journeys through the endless possibilities of a steampunk world!"
"Ya like games, huh?" Wilhelmina echoed. "I take it you've seen this show before, then?"
"Total Drama? Indubitably," Barney confirmed. "I've not missed an episode since I discovered the program. I've seen the rise and fall of them all, my dear."
"No kiddin'?" Wilhelmina smiled. "I saw the last season. I don't remember what it was called, but it looked like fun! My family all encouraged me to sign up, and I figured ya only live once!"
"Indeed, indeed," Barney listened along. "...I do not remember the road being this long."
"That's 'cause you weren't carryin' these heavy ol' bags," Wilhelmina teased. "Come on, the faster you go, the faster you'll be finished."
"Perhaps, though I'd kill for a minecart or something," Barney winced.
Confessional:
Wilhelmina: Barney's a strange li'l guy, isn't he? But that ain't a bad thing at all! I kinda like how this show brings in all sorts of people you may never meet normally. As for all the logs, that wasn't nothin' at all! Back home, I gotta deal with big angry pigs n' chickens n' such. At least logs don't fight back! (She laughs.)
Barney: How interrresting. Wilhelmina let it slip that she's already received alliance offers before. I do see her as someone worth working with, but it seems I'm not alone. As it stands, I'm in the center of two alliances, but I must consider who should be the first to go following a loss. Perhaps anyone in my other alliance who seeks to work with her may be worth considering. (He twirls his mustache.)
The Frosty Eagles' altar burned into a massive, glowing spire of flame. The seven watched as the inferno grew, and it wasn't long before the fire melted the block of ice to the point where it fell off its suspension and slid down to the ground. Stewart picked up what remained of the block, and juggled it between his hands as if it were a hot potato, wearing a pained expression.
"Stop fooling around. We need whatever's frozen inside," Cath frowned.
Stewart exaggeratedly rolled his eyes and shrugged. He held the still-melting ice closer to the burning altar, allowing it to melt until a small metal capsule remained.
"What is that?" Keanna wondered.
"Maybe there's a note or something if you open it," Ramsay guessed.
Stewart opened the capsule, revealing a small rolled-up piece of paper inside. He unfurled it and began reading, moving his mouth as if he were reading aloud.
"Stewart, time is of the essence," Cath said impatiently. "Please give it to someone else."
Stewart hung his head sadly and handed the paper to Cath. With his body drooping, he walked off and slumped into Jed's shoulder, pretending to sob uncontrollably. Jed stood there and allowed it to happen.
"You didn't have to upset him like that!" Hye-Jin frowned.
"I suspect otherwise," Cath denied. She began reading the note. "'Further up the path, you will encounter a large door with a large keyhole. The hatchet you've been provided will serve as the key. Hope you held onto it'."
"I did," Jed confirmed as he held the tool up for everyone to see.
"So you're telling me that if someone thought to, we could have skipped the entire challenge just by bringing the ax to that door?" Nico groaned.
"Well, there's nothing to be gained from standing around and complaining about it. It's not as though we could have known," Cath claimed. She snapped her fingers to gain everyone's attention. "Let's go."
She headed up the path, followed by Jed. The others trailed behind.
"We'd better win after all this," Nico yawned. "It's way too cold out here, and cats don't like being cold. I'm sacrificing a lot for you people, if you really think about it."
"You absolutely aren't," Keanna smiled. "But I guess it's that attitude why you're already a target."
"Nyah?" Nico blinked. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, don't tell me you didn't notice," Keanna laughed. "Cath and Jed are already discussing who to bring into their majority alliance. I think the only things they could agree on were including me, and excluding you."
"And you're just... telling us that?" Ramsay doubted.
"He asked," Keanna shrugged. "I doubt it'll matter that much anyway. Who else would we vote out if we lost?"
"There are six other options that I'd prefer to go home than me," Nico scoffed.
"Well then maybe you should have worked harder," Hye-Jin huffed.
"I'm doing everything a kitty can do," Nico insisted. "Frankly, this feels a little speciesist."
Stewart put a hand on Nico's shoulder and made a meow gesture with his hand.
"See, if nobody's got me, I know Stewart's got me," Nico smiled.
Stewart then got on all fours and began following his team that way.
"I think he's more dedicated to the cat shtick than you are," Keanna laughed.
"Do you want me to contribute, or do you want me to be a cute, lazy housecat?" Nico huffed. "Kitties can't do both."
"Contribute!" Hye-Jin cried.
"I have been, but apparently it's not enough, meow..." Nico sniffled.
Confessional:
Nico: It's not easy being a cat in a human's world. I don't expect the others to understand right away, but I've got this more figured out than they do. They'll all see how (meow) the world works. (He lets out a big yawn and stretches his arms.) I could use some pâté.
Ramsay: How brazen of Keanna to outright tell us that Jed and Cath are already scheming to get an early majority. It sounds like they haven't figured out how exactly to attain that majority, though. So if I can get Hye-Jin, Stewart, and Nico to stick together... Well, that could be just the plot twist this picture needs.
As Barney and Wilhelmina ascended the path, they came across Nelly.
"Hey! Give me a couple bags!" Nelly demanded.
"Huh?" Wilhelmina blinked. "Sure, no problem!"
She handed two of the bags she'd been carrying to Nelly, who nearly fell over with the sudden transfer of weight.
"Not like that!" Nelly shouted as she dropped the bags, spilling some of the wood. "Geez, do I look like I'm made of muscle?!"
"Sorry 'bout that," Wilhelmina giggled. "Here, I'll help you."
She bent down to pick up the wood while Nelly stood and watched.
"What are you all doing?" Joshua asked as he and Morgan approached.
"Just a bit of a setback. Ain't nothin' worth worryin' about," Wilhelmina told him. "Here, wanna help us carry these?" She offered him one of Nelly's bags.
"As a matter of fact, I do," Joshua agreed as he took a bag.
"Hey! I said I'd carry two bags, and I meant it!" Nelly shouted.
"I thought you said you couldn't carry two," Wilhelmina mentioned.
"I said you shouldn't thrust two of them into my arms at once!" Nelly corrected. "I can carry two bags!"
"Even if you can, we're probably already falling behind," Joshua mentioned. "Let's just go."
"Excuse me?" Nelly scoffed. "Who died and made you the boss of the team?"
"You're going to die if you don't zip it and get going," Joshua grunted as he headed back up the path.
"Hey! You give that bag back right now!" Nelly demanded as she picked up her other bag and followed him.
"Well shoot. I didn't mean to start nothin'," Wilhelmina frowned.
"Hardly," Morgan responded. "Those two would have found something to argue about regardless. May I take one of those bags off your hands?"
"You sure can!" Wilhelmina agreed as she gave a bag to Morgan. "'Preciate the help!"
Morgan pressed on without another word.
"What do you suppose her deal is?" Barney asked Wilhelmina.
"Don't know. Maybe she's just shy," Wilhelmina figured.
Confessional:
Joshua: The Staggering Goats is a pretty accurate name right now, because we are struggling to get anything done! I'm doing my best to salvage this trainwreck of a team, but it's like they're going out of their way to make things harder for me. Nelly and Debbie literally are going out of their way to do that, actually!
Back at the third station, Debbie returned to find Tomas taking a breather, having placed all his bag of wood by the altar.
"Oh, hey!" Tomas greeted. "I think the others said something about a door. Did you figure anything out?"
"I have figured out... that having a door in the middle of a mountain path is very strange," Debbie answered. "I'm a little obsessed with the idea at the moment. Not only is it difficult to implement, but there's almost no practical application for doing so. It has me thinking about other unorthodox places to put doors. And other unconventional things to put in mountain paths. More so the first one."
"What's the weirdest place to put a door?" Tomas wondered.
"So far, I've concluded that a shoreline may be the answer," Debbie explained. "So much open space with nothing to block off. Sand is an unstable foundation for any structure, including a door. And the moisture and salt in the air may cause wear on the metal hinges, lock, or knob."
"Huh. I guess I can't really argue with that," Tomas chuckled.
"Indeed, such a thing would be a fool's errand on many levels," Debbie concluded. "And yet, here we are, in need of a key to get past such a door. How fascinatingly bizarre. Such things are why I wanted to be a part of this show."
"You aren't interested in the game, or the money, or anything?" Tomas wondered.
"These are simply additional benefits," Debbie explained. "What I seek is something wholly unique. The sort of thing one cannot fathom to see anywhere else. Perhaps then, I may understand how to truly become weird."
"Dang," Tomas scratched his head. "Well, I hope you can figure that out. Although, I think trying to figure out how to be weird is already kind of weird."
"Is that so?" Debbie gasped. "Please, elaborate. I must capture the principles and apply them with intention."
"I mean, most people are just kind of... themselves, I guess?" Tomas explained. "And if they're insecure about that, they usually try to act more normal."
"Normality is a curse. Nobody truly appreciates it," Debbie denied. "I wish to break free of the shackles of plainness, and become someone truly out of the ordinary."
"I guess you just have to think about what everyone else isn't doing, and do that," Tomas figured. "That's what I'm gonna do when I open my fast food chain. Nobody's going to have a menu like mine. It's gonna be great."
"I see," Debbie considered. "There are a lot of things everyone is not doing, even within the context of this game. Unicycling. Wearing a snorkel and flippers. Solving a Rubik's cube with your feet. There are a lot of options."
"Maybe try something you don't need a unicycle, snorkel, or Rubik's cube to do," Tomas suggested.
"Hm, that will narrow it down significantly..." Debbie realized.
Confessional:
Debbie: I think Tomas may be the most normal member of the team, besides myself of course. And yet, his advice has already unlocked so many possibilities. Something that nobody else is doing... Where to begin? I must catch up with the others' weirdness while employing completely different tactics from all of them.
The Frosty Eagles arrived at a door identical to the one the Staggering Goats had encountered.
"The note said to use the ax as a key, right?" Ramsay recalled. "I assume it means using the sharp end as the actual key."
Jed put the ax in the keyhole and twisted. The door popped open, allowing passage. "Yes," he answered.
"Excellent work, Jed. 90 points," Cath complimented.
Ramsay leaned up to Nico and murmured. "How many points do you think she'll give his-"
"Ramsay! Nico! No slouching!" Cath called as the team already headed through the door.
"Yes, Mom," Ramsay answered facetiously.
"My animal instincts tell me she would not be a very warm or supportive mother," Nico deduced as he scratched behind his ear.
The two headed through the door anyway. The Frosty Eagles headed up the path until they arrived at a much bigger area: a plateau surrounded by trees which housed three log buildings.
"Congratulations, Frosty Eagles!" Topher announced as he walked up to the group. "You are the winners of today's challenge!"
This was met with cheers from most of the team - completely silent cheers in Stewart's case. Cath and Jed shared a satisfied nod with one another.
"The seven of you will not attend elimination tonight," Topher continued. "While we wait for the Staggering Goats to get here, why don't you head to your cabins? The one on the left is the boys' cabin, and the one on the right is the girls'. After you're all settled, lunch will be waiting for you at the mess hall. That's the big building in between the cabins. But hey, you're free to do what you want. Enjoy safety, everyone!"
Confessional:
Jed: (He nods, satisfied.) Was worried my team wouldn't be able to catch up. Maybe I carried them a bit. But hey, long as we win, it doesn't matter.
Hye-Jin: We're safe! I could just hop for joy! Honestly, I think it could have been me going home if we lost. I know not everyone contributed a lot - Nico and Cath - but I was never going to be great in challenges. This at least gives me another chance to prove myself.
Cath: If I had to give the Frosty Eagles as a whole a score in today's challenge... mmm, 73 points. We won, so a passing grade was inevitable, but I feel as though we won despite ourselves. If not for some of the stronger members of the team, things may not have turned out so well. Something the others will keep in mind, I hope.
Nico: (He lets out a huge yawn.) So I don't even have to try that hard and we can still win? Nyawesome!
Some time later, the Staggering Goats stood and watched as their altar shimmered in a pillar of flame. The block of ice fell to the ground and continued to melt, revealing the small metal capsule within.
"Egad! What could this be, I wonder?" Barney picked up the capsule and instinctively pried it open.
"Don't break it!" Joshua grimaced.
"Do grrrease your hinges, my good man," Barney assured him as he revealed the note within. "A keen eye such as mine could deduce the true purpose of this capsule."
"What does the note say?" Morgan asked.
"An excellent question." Barney began reading the note. "'Further up the path, you will encounter a large door with a large keyhole. The hatchet you've been provided will serve as the key. Hope you held onto it'."
"A twist... How very... twisty..." Debbie commented.
"You've still got the ax, right Wilhelmina?" Tomas asked.
Wilhelmina's smile slowly started to shrink. "I'll be right back!"
She dashed down the mountain path.
"Be careful!" Tomas called out.
"Well, if she slips and kills herself, at least we won't have to worry about having to vote someone out," Nelly commented.
"Hey, not cool!" Tomas scolded. "We don't even know if we lost. Maybe the other team left their ax, too."
"The part about our teammate potentially dying was a little more concerning to me," Morgan muttered.
"Obviously I don't want to think about that either!" Tomas fretted.
"Typical of everyone to tell me what I should or shouldn't joke about," Nelly huffed.
Confessional:
Tomas: I think the whole 'altitude' thing is getting to my head a little bit. I'm not usually this nervous. Maybe Nelly's right and we will have to vote someone out. That's going to be a whole other thing to worry about. And if Wilhelmina does get hurt, that'd be even worse! She's the one person I think I can really trust so far!
Jed, Nico, Ramsay, and Stewart entered the boys' cabin. Seven small, green beds lined the perimeter of the room, and a single fluorescent light illuminated the sparsely-decorated building.
"How rustic," Ramsay concluded.
"It'll do," Jed nodded.
Nico immediately claimed a bed, set his stuff near it, and slipped underneath the covers.
"Taking a nap already?" Ramsay asked. "Topher said lunch is ready."
"I'll eat it later," Nico decided. "Right now I need a several-hour catnap."
Ramsay took notice of Jed setting his things down by a bed. "I'm surprised you're sleeping here. You strike me as more of a 'forged by the elements' type."
"As someone experienced in facing the elements, I know well the benefits of staying well-rested," Jed explained. "If you expected me to sleep outside, you'd be sorely mistaken."
Jed opened his backpack and retrieved Ramsay's video camera. He handed the item back to its owner.
"Oh, right," Ramsay tentatively accepted.
He inspected the camera, which had still been set to record. The low battery icon blinked, until the machine ran out of power right then and there.
"Figures," Ramsay tsked. "Where are the power outlets around here? I need to charge it."
Ramsay looked around at the others. Nico had already fallen asleep, Jed had just exited the building, and Stewart did a handstand in the back corner of the room.
"I swear, if there are no outlets, I'm going to lose my mind," Ramsay grunted as he began searching around the room.
Confessional:
Ramsay: Quelle surprise, there are no power outlets anywhere in the cabin. I can check the mess hall, I guess, but I'm not exactly optimistic about my chances. I can't even blame Jed for that. Of course, I can still blame him for killing all my camera's battery life before the game even started, but honestly, it's whatever. Now I can just focus my efforts on dealing with his little alliance Keanna mentioned.
The Staggering Goats awkwardly stood by the altar - which had already burned out - and quietly waited for Wilhelmina to return with the ax.
"I have a question for everyone," Debbie suddenly said. "Imagine you're asleep in your room. It's just an ordinary, everyday, plain night. Then you hear a noise in the kitchen. Oh, also, your parents and siblings aren't home either."
"Why not?" Tomas asked.
"They were kidnapped," Debbie handwaved. "So you get out of bed and decide to investigate."
"If my family is kidnapped, I think that's way more important than getting a good night's rest or caring about some noise in the kitchen!" Joshua reacted.
"They'll be un-kidnapped the next afternoon," Debbie established.
"Who kidnapped them, anyway?" Tomas asked. "Should I be calling the police?"
"It was a nice group of kidnappers who are keeping them safe and well-fed," Debbie explained. "Anyway, you go to the kitchen."
"Why should I bother getting out of bed to go to the kitchen?" Nelly scoffed. "I was having a good night's sleep! It's probably just these weirdly benevolent kidnappers grabbing something for my family! That's not worth me losing sleep!"
"It's not the kidnappers. And you know it because they said they wouldn't be back until noon sharp," Debbie said. "So you go to the kitchen, and-"
"Wait, how come I wasn't kidnapped, too?" Tomas asked.
"You weren't home at the time," Debbie explained. "Anyway, you find the mysterious intruder, and it turns out to be yourself at age six. What do you do?"
"Hohoho! Has my young self discovered the means to trrravel through time?" Barney asked, amused.
"You can always ask him," Debbie shrugged.
...
"Hey y'all! I'm back!" Wilhelmina announced as she jogged up to the others, holding the ax aloft.
"Thank Christ!" Joshua exasperated.
Confessional:
Morgan: Is it bad that I almost think Debbie could have accidentally come up with the premise to a decent TV show or book or something? Between this weird organization and the appearance of a younger version of me, there are some solid mysteries to unravel. Not that I'd ever admit that to the others. Gotta be aloof and unfeeling and such.
Cath, Hye-Jin, and Keanna arrived at the girls' cabin. The interior was nearly identical to the boys' cabin, only mirrored in layout and with purple bedspread instead of green.
"For the purposes of being on-brand, this cabin gets 84 points," Cath decided. She sat on one of the beds. "But for the far-more-important purposes of comfort... 51 points."
"If it was easy, it wouldn't be Total Drama," Keanna chuckled as she set her bag down. "And honestly, I've seen worse cabins."
"Do you go camping a lot?" Hye-Jin wondered.
"Oh yeah. I've gone to summer camp every year since I turned 12," Keanna explained. "When I was 14, the cabin I had to sleep in didn't even have functional lights, so this one already clears that."
"Was that by design, or was it simply a cheap summer camp?" Cath inquired.
"It was cheap as hell," Keanna laughed. "The bathrooms were filthy, the only entertainment was a couple of old board games and a single soccer ball, and I got some weird vibes from one counselor."
"Why'd your parents send you there?" Hye-Jin asked.
"Because my older sister got into an accident that year, and that ate up a lot of their money," Keanna recalled. "They were determined to keep me going to summer camp, though. I feel bad, because I don't know if it was worth it, but I appreciate their dedication to letting me keep going to camp at all."
"That is sweet," Hye-Jin smiled. "I've never gone to summer camp before, but this is kind of like that, right? Except it's January and we're in a cutthroat competition for a million bucks."
"That is true. I will metaphorically slit your throat in the next couple weeks," Keanna smiled.
Hye-Jin smiled as her face grew pale.
Confessional:
Keanna: Even if Hye-Jin and Cath are technically my competition, we're still teammates for now. It's best to get along with your team, because that's how you win games. I can already tell some people are put off by my honesty policy, but hey, they'd be even more put off if I tried lying, so I'm just going to do my best.
The Staggering Goats arrived at the big door. Wilhelmina put the ax headfirst into the keyhole and turned, popping the door open. The seven hurried through the door to find Topher waiting for them.
"Congratulations, Staggering Goats!" Topher greeted.
"What? We seriously won?!" Joshua asked in excited disbelief.
"Oh, no, I'm congratulating you on making it here at all!" Topher laughed. Joshua scowled. "No, the Frosty Eagles arrived like an hour and a half ago. You guys have lost the challenge, and will be voting someone out later tonight!"
"Sorry, y'all," Wilhelmina frowned. "That's on me for leavin' the ax back at the first point."
"In the meantime, that's the boys' cabin there on the left and the girls' cabin there on the right," Topher continued. "When you're ready, lunch is waiting for you at the mess hall."
"How long has it been waiting there?" Morgan asked.
"I mean, it'll be room-temperature, but it should still be edible," Topher dismissed. "When the time comes, I'll summon you guys to the campfire pit over there." He gestured to a small area off to the side of the plateau, which had seven tree stump seats, a fire pit, and a shoddy log fence. "Until then, enjoy your time here at Mamahtawiyiniw Peaks!"
Confessional:
Joshua: Yeah, who else saw that coming? We may have lost, but that just gives us a chance to trim some of the fat on the team. Which may or may not be literal, depending on how the others feel about Debbie. It's not like she's the only option, but she's definitely an option.
Debbie: We lost the first challenge. This sets a precedent for the Staggering Goats as an underdog team. Underdogs are those for whom the audience roots because they have failed to attain their goal thus far. As a Staggering Goat, this makes my inability to succeed a form of irregularity... right?
Wilhelmina: Even if I did do my best, well that just makes losin' hurt even more. If I couldn't win it for my team, then what was I doin'? And now we have to vote one of us out? That just double stinks! Can't keep focusin' on the negatives, though. Just gotta pick myself back up n' keep movin' forward!
Barney: What a devilishly disappointing development for this debonair dandy. Or so it would be, were I not comfortably in charge of who stays and who goes on this team. As a member of two alliances of four, the deciding vote falls onto me! Once I gather the necessary information, I can guide the Staggering Goats to a brrrighter future! (He twirls his mustache.)
Barney, Joshua, and Tomas settled into the now-empty (besides a snoring Nico) boys' cabin.
"Man, after all that hiking, it feels good to be able to lie down," Tomas grinned as he let out a deep breath.
"You're resting now?" Joshua doubted. "We lost, remember? We have to vote someone out later tonight!"
"Yeah, later," Tomas groaned. "Just let me have this, I'm exhausted."
"I agree with the burgermeister," Barney claimed. "Even the most well-oiled machine needs to cool down every once in a while, lest it fail to function properly at all when it's needed most."
"In that case, I'm going to get lunch," Joshua decided as he headed for the door. "I'm not just going to sit around and wait for things to happen."
"Aw man... Do you think he wants to vote me out?" Tomas fretted.
"Whatever for, my boy?" Barney asked.
"I get the sense he thinks I'm weak," Tomas admitted, scratching his head. "I mean, I did everything I could, but..."
"I can't count out the possibility, I'm afraid," Barney told him. "Perhaps I can speak to him and see if I can't get him to consider the possibility of voting for someone not in our alliance."
"Oh, right, the alliance," Tomas recalled. "I guess he doesn't seem to like Debbie very much. That could be something."
"How very observant of you. I was thinking the same, as a matter of fact," Barney grinned. "If we can deepen the rift between those two, it will give our alliance the opportunity to claim yet more power over the team."
"I guess if it means I won't get voted off, it works for me." Tomas sat up. "I don't want to dawdle around too much either. And I have to see what the food situation is like. I'm very hungry but also very picky."
"I'd not get your hopes up, but I admit that I'm also curious about the food," Barney chuckled.
"Because I don't care what they say: salt and pepper are not enough!" Tomas began. "Salt and pepper are the bare minimum for flavoring. You need some kind of sauce or condiment or something, otherwise what's the point?!"
Barney twirled his mustache as he listened to Tomas. The two headed out of the cabin.
Confessional:
Tomas: I think I'm starting to see what Wilhelmina meant when she said it was too early for alliance talk. I still feel like I barely know most of these people on my team. I'll do my best to figure all this out, but for now, I just kind of want to take it easy. It's been a rough day already.
Meanwhile, Debbie, Morgan, Nelly, and Wilhelmina settled into the girls' cabin.
"They really expect us to sleep here?" Nelly asked. "Where are those comfy kidnappers when you need them?"
"That's Total Drama for you," Wilhelmina smiled. "Could be worse. They could have just given us an ol' tent, or made us build our own livin' space."
"There's only one bathroom," Debbie observed.
Wilhelmina glanced into the bathroom, which consisted entirely of a single toilet, sink, and small shower. "That's it?! How are the seven of us supposed to share just one bathroom?!"
"Could be worse," Nelly smirked.
"You know, you're right, it could be worse," Wilhelmina agreed. She let out a sigh. "Sorry again for losin' the challenge for us. I hope I can get another chance in the next challenge."
"Wilhelmina, you did more work in this challenge than anyone," Morgan told her. "Don't beat yourself up."
"You're right, too," Wilhelmina admitted. "Just stinks knowin' I coulda done somethin' that coulda made a difference."
"Oh, can it!" Nelly scoffed. "Topher said the other team got here way the hell before us. Even if we did have the ax when we first got that note, they still probably would have beaten us!"
"Maybe," Wilhelmina conceded. She clapped her face. "Well, no sense in wallowin' around in the mud! I'd better grab me some lunch!"
"Oh, shoot, that's right!" Nelly remembered. "I'm hungry as fuck right now."
The two exited the cabin, leaving Debbie and Morgan.
"...Morgan, am I going home tonight?" Debbie asked.
"Huh?" Morgan reacted.
"I fear that I may be too normal for this wacky menagerie of characters," Debbie admitted. "You're clearly a very mysterious and odd individual. Is there anything I can do to save myself?"
"Mm..." Morgan half-responded. "I'll talk to the others. I can't promise you anything, but you may not be dead on arrival."
Debbie smiled. "I appreciate that."
"Don't speak of this to anyone," Morgan told her before leaving the cabin.
Confessional:
Morgan: So now Debbie trusts me all of a sudden?! On the basis that I'm 'odd and mysterious'? I have no idea what to do with that! I guess I'm going for 'mysterious', but 'odd'? Dang it, I'm supposed to be cool and straightforward! (She shakes her head.) I guess we are technically supposed to be aligned, but she and Joshua don't mix as well as Barney would like. Seems I really will have to scope things out.
The Staggering Goats all ate a very late lunch together in the mess hall. Their plates of mashed potato casserole were cold and unseasoned.
"Huh, so ya really do have a mouth under there," Wilhelmina teased Morgan, who had lowered her face mask to eat.
Morgan covered her mouth with her hand. "Don't."
"You know what I said about salt and pepper being the bare minimum?" Tomas mentioned to Barney. "The bare minimum, man! And they couldn't even do that!"
"Though our food is coarse and tasteless, the rest of the journey shan't be," Barney claimed. "It's but a matter of what you make of it, good sir."
"Does adding spice to food make it more or less ordinary?" Debbie wondered. "Most people would season their food, but without spice, it is bland. Bland means uninteresting, plain, normal. But it's normal to put spices in your food. I struggle to reach a conclusion."
"There's a surprise," Joshua muttered.
"So. I'm sure you're all thinking about who to vote out," Nelly brought up. "And you know what, screw politeness and common decency! Let's get it all out in the open!"
"What good would that do any of us?" Wilhelmina asked.
"I mean, do you want Barney to keep playing the middle like he cares about anyone but himself?" Nelly snickered. "Screw that!"
"Huh?" Debbie asked.
Everyone turned to Barney.
"Zounds! Zounds and gadzooks!" Barney reacted. "Whatever gave you such a ludicrrrous idea, my dear?"
"Uh, I have a brain?" Nelly scoffed. "I mean, am I wrong? Is there anyone here Barney hasn't tried to make an alliance with?"
Nobody responded.
"N-Now see here, my dear," Barney attempted.
"No, you see here!" Nelly argued. "If you think you can waltz right up to me, tell me I'm in an alliance, and expect me to go along with that, you're insane. You're even more insane if you think you can get away with that while doing the exact same to the other half of the team!"
"What an unorthodox strategy," Debbie considered. "Interesting."
"Well, if that's how you wish to play, then so be it," Barney forced a large grin. "But know that, by accusing me in front of everyone, you've effectively removed any power I may or may not have had! Which only leaves you as the one who's so willing to throw her own allies under the bus! What do you make of that, hm?!"
"You really think you can make me look like the bad guy here?!" Nelly laughed. "Screw that! Everyone knows you're full of it, Barney!"
"And what have you done to help the team, hm?" Barney challenged. "All I've seen is nonstop complaining, vitriol, and refusal to get along with anyone."
"Uh, I helped in the challenge!" Nelly insisted. "And I would have helped even more if Josh wasn't breathing down my neck!"
"What, you think it's my fault that you're a petulant little shit?!" Joshua scoffed. "If I ask you to be an obnoxious little twit, will you actually be reasonable for once?"
"Screw you!" Nelly shouted. "You all know I'm right! Barney's a liar and a con man!"
"Y'all, this ain't gettin' us anywhere good now," Wilhelmina frowned.
"How?" Nelly doubted. "We need to vote someone out... There you go! Someone to vote out!"
Nelly pushed her plate, stood up, and headed for the exit.
"Someone to vote out indeed..." Barney tutted.
"Would it be weird if I wanted to eat her leftovers?" Debbie asked.
"Yes," Tomas said queasily.
Debbie took Nelly's plate and began eating, despite having not finished her own plate of food.
Confessional:
Nelly: My team can bitch and moan all they want, but if they have a shred of competence, they'll see Barney for what he is and ditch his ass. Though judging by how we did in today's challenge, that's a pretty big 'if'.
Barney: Hohoho... Nelly, Nelly, Nelly. She can point fingers all she wishes, but she and I both know that being prrroactive is far preferable to whatever it is she's been doing. I've been thrown under many a bus in my day. Usually it's a literal bus in one of my roleplaying adventures, but that's neither here nor there. The point is: I know how to rrrecover from such a situation.
Later that evening, Barney met up with Debbie, Joshua, and Morgan behind the boys' cabin.
"They really don't have anywhere we can hide, huh?" Joshua asked. "In fact, why are we hiding? You're just going to ask us to vote for Nelly, right?"
"Hmmmmmm, naturally," Barney confirmed. "But I also wanted to go more in-depth than that. I will confess that, in an act of haste, I tossed out the idea of an alliance with the other three, just in case things took an unexpected turn."
"What kind of unexpected turn?" Debbie wondered.
"Who can say? It's unexpected," Barney answered.
"I see..." Debbie responded in awe.
"Let me be the first to say, however, that even if I had any inclination to stick to that other alliance, I've certainly little reason to do so now," Barney continued. "Nelly has proven herself yet more difficult to work with than we'd previously guessed. And that's no small feat!"
"So you're saying you really want to work with this group?" Morgan deduced.
"Prrrecisely, my dear," Barney confirmed. "I'd be a fool not to. Nothing against Tomas nor Wilhelmina, but I do see potential amongst the four of us. We could quite easily take the game by storm, yes?"
"It would be weird to trust you, knowing that you've made deals with those other three," Debbie considered.
"Splendid!" Barney twirled his mustache. "What say the rest of you?"
"I mean, I'll vote for Nelly," Joshua said. "Not because I trust you, but because I can't stand her.
"At this point, that might still be reasonable," Morgan figured. "She doesn't seem easy to work with." She looked at Barney. "Not that you do, either."
"I understand your concerns, but I assure you that you've nothing to worry about," Barney grinned. "I'm hardly in any position to overstep my bounds."
"You'd better not, or it's your ass next," Joshua warned.
Barney turned to Debbie and Morgan. "May I speak to Joshua alone for a moment?"
"Whatever," Morgan said as she walked off.
"Yeah, uh... Whatever," Debbie agreed as she walked close to Morgan.
"What are you scheming?" Joshua asked.
"You dislike Debbie, correct?" Barney established.
"I mean, yeah? I think Morgan is the only one who even remotely tolerates her," Joshua claimed.
"Hence why I asked the two to let us speak in private." Barney twirled his mustache.
"...Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Joshua asked warily.
"I'm simply offering an alternative, should you so choose," Barney said. "But this could very well, my good man, put you and I in a decisive position amongst the team. Assuming Tomas and Wilhelmina are open to the idea."
Joshua folded his arms and raised an eyebrow.
Confessional:
Joshua: I mean, obviously Barney's absolutely full of shit. But I also really, really cannot stand Debbie! And if Morgan really is getting chummy with her, then that's no good for the alliance I actually want! But damn it, am I really gonna go along with something Barney is offering?!
Debbie: Maybe it'd be really, extra unorthodox if I voted for someone nobody would expect. Wilhelmina is likable and hardworking. Nobody would reasonably vote for her tonight. ...No, I don't want to make enemies. Just become weird. Sometimes it's a fine line.
Tomas and Wilhelmina remained at the dining hall.
"You sure you're not gonna finish that?" Wilhelmina asked, eyeing Tomas's mostly-full plate of food. "I know it ain't exactly fine dinin', but it's important to stay well-fed."
"Believe me, if anyone knows about that, it's me," Tomas chuckled. "That's why I'm working through it as quickly as I can."
"This is quick for you?!" Wilhelmina reacted.
"You have to understand, I'm a connoisseur," Tomas claimed. "I've been to so many amazing indie burger joints in search of the perfect menu. I know good food. I'm not sure this is either of those things."
"If you say so," Wilhelmina chuckled.
"I sure do," Tomas said proudly.
"Hope your fancy palate ain't too sophisticated for my family's products, then," Wilhelmina challenged.
"You can't get me. I know you're proud of what you do," Tomas grinned.
"Course I am!" Wilhelmina agreed. "We've got the best beef this side of Battleford!"
"Well then I can't wait to try it," Tomas smiled.
"Hey! You two!" Nelly called out as she sat down at the table.
"Oh, howdy Nelly!" Wilhelmina greeted. "Do you want a taste of my beef, too?"
"I'm sorry?!" Nelly sputtered.
"You know, once I said it out loud, I realized how it sounded," Wilhelmina admitted. "My fault!"
"Her family owns a ranch. I'm going to own a fast food chain," Tomas clarified.
"I'm not sure that's much better," Nelly grimaced. "Whatever. I'm just here to make absolute sure you're voting for Barney tonight!"
"Well, it's just you or him, right?" Tomas figured.
"Right. And we're in an alliance, last time I checked," Nelly established.
"Wasn't Barney in that alliance too?" Wilhelmina asked. "In fact, wasn't it his idea to begin with?"
"Your point?" Nelly scoffed. "He's obviously not in the alliance anymore! Because we're voting him out!"
"I guess that makes sense," Tomas decided.
"Good. Glad we're on the same page with that at least," Nelly said. "I'm going to go lie down. My legs are still killing me from that stupid challenge."
"Amen to that, sister," Tomas chuckled.
Nelly left the building.
"I thought the alliance was off," Tomas admitted.
"Is it?" Wilhelmina asked.
"Because it was Barney's idea, right?" Tomas figured. "But he also made another one, so... are we still working with Nelly despite that?"
"You're askin' the wrong gal," Wilhelmina giggled.
Confessional:
Nelly: It's a good thing those two still have my back. That two-timing loser Barney won't know what hit him! Now I just need to check in with the others, and we can get that moron and his stupid mustache out of here!
Wilhelmina: Look, I know I saw a season of this show before, but I'll be honest, all that strategy talk went way the heck over my head. I know I'll hafta figure it out at some point. Guess now's as good a time as any to take that first step!
As night fell, Joshua, Morgan, Tomas, and Wilhelmina met up behind the mess hall.
"You sure no one's gonna look here?" Wilhelmina asked.
"Honestly, who cares if they do?" Joshua figured. "The way I see it, if there's any alliance on this team worth sticking to, it's this one."
"Whoa, for real?" Tomas smiled. "Awesome! We're so in there, Wilhelmina!"
"What's going on back here?" Nico asked as he approached.
"Mind your own business, that's what's going on!" Joshua scolded.
"Alright, geez..." Nico groaned as he left them alone.
"They really did not get a big enough location for private chats," Morgan sighed.
"Again, it's whatever," Joshua dismissed. "We have a few options tonight. Namely, the three people who aren't here. I think it's about time we discuss who the vote should be, so we can all get on the same page."
Morgan, Tomas, and Wilhelmina all exchanged glances.
Confessional:
Tomas: Man, alliances just keep falling into my lap over here. Should I trust all these alliances? What if someone's lying to me like Barney did? It's a lot to take in.
Morgan: Well, after a long and insightful discussion - that's not entirely sarcastic, by the way - I think we've come to a conclusion. I've heard from everyone on the team by this point. Tonight's vote is probably going to be messier than some of them will expect. (She takes a deep breath.) Game on, I guess.
As the moon shone over Mamahtawiyiniw Peaks, the Staggering Wolves headed to the elimination zone and each took a seat on one of the stumps. The fire burned as Topher stood before them.
"Welcome to your first elimination, and indeed the first elimination of the season!" Topher greeted. "Joshua, how does it feel working so hard to win, only to fall just short?"
"You know damn well how it feels, Topher," Joshua snorted. "But sometimes, things are just out of your own control."
"Debbie, the team took on a pretty unorthodox strategy in today's challenge," Topher noted.
"Aw, thank you," Debbie smiled.
"That... wasn't a compliment," Topher told her. "I was going to ask if you think that played any part in your loss today."
"Who can say?" Debbie half-answered. "I don't imagine we would have gone much faster or slower had we done the tasks one by one."
"That's a load and you know it!" Nelly denied.
"I don't rrremember you being much of a team player yourself, my dear," Barney snickered.
"Of course I'm not," Nelly confirmed. "There's only one winner in this game. If you kowtow to anyone but yourself, you're going to lose!"
"Wilhelmina, do you think there's any truth to that, with teams in mind or otherwise?" Topher wondered.
"Heck no!" Wilhelmina denied. "Maybe that'll be the case once the teams are all merged up, but that ain't the case right now. Heck, it's only the first day of the game! Teamwork's more important than ever right now, I reckon."
"That's easy for her to say, but this team's a mess and a half, Topher," Joshua chimed in. "It's kind of hard to rally behind 'teamwork' when half the team is off doing their own thing at any given moment."
"You aren't exactly a peach yourself," Nelly commented.
"Can you blame me?" Joshua scowled.
"Barney, the first vote sets a precedent not just for the team, but for the game as a whole," Topher continued. "Has that been on your mind when considering the vote?"
"Topher, I must confess, it has." Barney twirled his mustache. "There is a lot to consider going into any vote, I suppose. I, for one, am interested in seeing how the team functions with a faulty apparatus rrremoved."
"I've been called worse," Nelly claimed.
"You think he's talking about you, Nelly?" Topher asked.
"I know he is!" Nelly insisted. "And he knows I'm voting for him! No point in sugarcoating it!"
"I wish dinner could have been sugarcoated..." Tomas lamented.
"Morgan, before you all cast your votes tonight, what do you think is the most important thing to keep in mind?" Topher wondered.
"Do what makes sense," Morgan claimed.
...
"Couldn't have said it better myself!" Topher laughed. "On that note, let's vote. Barney, you're up first."
"Thank you, kind sir." Barney stood up and tipped his hat, then made his way to the nearby confessional booth.
After all seven contestants voted, Topher revealed a platter of marshmallows.
"Yes, marshmallows, a TD classic!" Topher began. "I'll hand these out one by one. If you receive a marshmallow, it means you're safe! If you don't..." Topher glanced at a nearby pair of skis. "You'll have to take the Skis of Shame down the Slope of Losers, and be ousted from the game for good!"
"That seems kind of dangerous," Tomas pointed out. "It's hard to see at night, and I don't know if any of us have experience with skiing to begin with."
"Then don't get voted out!" Topher winked. "The first marshmallow goes to... Wilhelmina!"
"Woo!" she cheered as Topher tossed her a marshmallow.
"Morgan!"
Morgan sat still, only moving to catch her marshmallow.
"Joshua!"
Joshua nodded as he caught his marshmallow.
"Tomas!"
Tomas eagerly snatched his marshmallow out of the air and immediately took a bite.
...
...
...
...
...
"Barney!"
"Oh? Splendid!" Barney grinned as he caught his marshmallow.
"Wait, huh?!" Nelly reacted.
"Oh... Oh dear..." Debbie worried.
"Only one marshmallow left," Topher said as he held it up enticingly. "And it goes to..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Debbie!"
Debbie clutched her heart as she let out a big sigh of relief. Topher tossed her the final marshmallow, but it just bounced off her head.
Nelly threw her arms up in frustration. "Well, that's just fucking great, isn't it?!"
"It is, isn't it?" Barney snickered as he waved his marshmallow in front of Nelly's face. She smacked it out of his hands and onto the ground. "Well I never!"
"You've never done a lot of things, and gaining anyone's respect is one of them!" Nelly grunted as she stood up. "Fine! Screw this game, screw this team, and most of all, screw you!
She marched over to the Skis of Shame and grabbed them. She attached them to her feet and trudged towards the sign marked Slope of Losers.
"If nothing else, I'll never have to see you idiots ever again!" Nelly flipped the bird before sliding down the slope.
"Well, you're down in numbers. And in volume," Topher told the remaining members of the Staggering Goats. "Will this be the difference between winning and losing? We'll see how tomorrow goes. I'll see you then."
Confessional:
Barney: The funniest part of all? I didn't even vote for Nelly! So my scheme to turn the tables and get rid of Debbie didn't pan out. Such is life. But any good steampunk always looks towards the potential of the future, dear viewer! (He inspects his pocket watch, then returns it to his pocket.) As always, here's to a brrrighter tomorrow!
Debbie: I guess I was too normal after all. Well, I'm still in the game, but someone certainly thinks so. I'll have to become even weirder if I want to stay in the game. But how...?
Topher stood alone by the campfire with a paper cup of cocoa.
"The first blood has been drawn, and six Staggering Goats are left to lick their wounds," he said. "What will tomorrow's challenge bring to the table? Will any new connections form between our contestants? And who will be the next to take a ride down the Slope of Losers? Stay tuned, dear viewers! Join us on another exciting excursion, next time, on Total! Drama!"
He took a sip of cocoa.
"Mountain Party!"
Votes:
Nelly: Steampunk died a decade ago, dude, and so did any chance of someone falling for your fake-ass strategy! Get lost, Barney!
Barney: Hohoho! I asked around, and I just might have accrued the votes to eliminate one Debbie from our team! But why her and not Nelly, you ask? Why, to prove that I can, of course! Who trrruly has the power now?! (He twirls his mustache.)
Joshua: Well, we talked it over, and we agreed we're voting for Nelly. Which is fine by me, honestly! She's not much better than the people she's throwing under the bus!
Tomas: I'm surprised it took that much discussion before we settled on the girl who's mean to everyone and doesn't help that much in challenges. But hey, we got to that point eventually. So, I guess I'm voting for Nelly.
Wilhelmina: I just want what's best for the team, and I can tell you that Nelly ain't what's best for the team at all!
Debbie: Morgan told me that everyone's going to vote for Nelly. She also told me she's heard my name come up, so I'm just going to vote for Nelly and hope for the best. This confessional doesn't feel weird enough... Ziggle biggle. (She stares blankly.)
Morgan: I managed to talk Joshua and the others out of considering the Debbie angle that Barney had been spreading. After that, we determined Nelly is more of a detriment to the team overall. Barney's untrustworthy, but he's much more of a team player, for whatever little that's worth in his case. So... I vote for Nelly.
Frosty Eagles:
Cath - The Judgmental Tutor
Hye-Jin - The Frog Herpetologist
Jed - The Taciturn Hunter
Keanna - The Honest Basketballer
Nico - The Lazy Catboy
Ramsay - The Indie Filmmaker
Stewart - The Mime
Staggering Goats:
Barney - The Treacherous Steampunk
Debbie - The Trying-To-Be-Weird
Joshua - The Grouchy Surfer
Morgan - The Faux Badass
Tomas - The Fast Food Aficionado
Wilhelmina - The Optimistic Rancher
16th: Nelly - The Rebellious Skater
A/N: One time, many seasons ago, a friend told me that he could easily pick out my first boots because they were always the most important character on the team who lost first. Ever since then, I think I've started overcorrecting, so now my first boots are all over-the-top negative annoyances. The way God intended.
Jokes aside, when it came to picking a first boot for this cast, it really just came down to who had the least long-term potential. That person was Nelly, someone who was designed to be as difficult as humanly possible, and couldn't-slash-didn't really form any real connections with anyone. Sometimes characters like that can get away with making it fairly far, but I think in the context of Mountain Party, there wasn't much more Nelly could have done beyond the first couple of episodes. What do you think?