Topher sat in his comfy chair by the fireplace, mug of cocoa in hand.
"Last time on Total Drama Mountain Party," he began. "Our two teams headed up the mountain path, solving tasks to see who'd make it to camp first! Along the way, the players got to know each other a little better, and by that, I mean piss each other off to no end! You love to see it."
He took a sip of cocoa.
"On the Frosty Eagles, Cath took the initiative to make sure everyone knew where they stood with her," Topher continued. "She offered an alliance with Jed and Keanna, though they couldn't agree on who else from the team should be in. Hye-Jin and Ramsay started getting along with each other, and Nico got along with nobody. But after Keanna leaked news about Cath's alliance to those on the outs, Ramsay got it in his head that he could form his own alliance. Who knows how that will turn out?"
Topher kicked his feet up onto the ottoman.
"On the Staggering Goats, Debbie's strategy of trying to solve all the tasks at once turned out poorly as the team discovered that the tasks kind of had to be done in order," Topher chuckled. "With the team constantly separated from one another, Barney took the opportunity to form two majority alliances: one with Debbie, Joshua, and Morgan, and another with Nelly, Tomas, and Wilhelmina. Nelly sniffed out his scheme pretty much immediately, though, and threw him under the bus."
He took another sip of cocoa.
"Despite some hiccups on the Eagles' part, the Goats staggered their way to elimination," Topher said. "Nelly made a scene to her team about Barney's untrustworthy gameplay, for which Barney promised to retaliate. Unable to leave well enough alone, Barney actually threw Debbie's name out there! In the end, the team got sick of Nelly's attitude and general lack of helpfulness, and they said 'see you later, girl' to the skater girl!"
Topher stood up.
"Tonight, one more player goes home! Who's it going to be? Guess we'll find out, here on Total! Drama! Mountain Party!"
Following the elimination, Debbie, Morgan, and Wilhelmina returned to the girls' cabin. Cath, Hye-Jin, and Keanna sat in their beds.
"Here they are!" Keanna announced. "I see you're down one."
"Ayup," Wilhelmina confirmed. "Nelly was an ornery ol' gal. It was the best decision for the team."
"We could hear her shouting just as well as you could," Cath claimed. "14 points for decorum. And fashion sense, for that matter."
"Points?" Debbie asked. "By what criteria are you assigning points?"
"Any and all criteria one would consider reasonably appropriate," Cath explained.
"Like fashion sense?" Keanna laughed.
"Yes," Cath maintained.
"Is relative normality an appropriate criterion?" Debbie wondered.
"Normality?" Cath questioned. "I... suppose I hadn't thought about it, but we all have our biases. I'm not arrogant enough to claim I don't."
"There's a first," Hye-Jin commented to Morgan and Wilhelmina. The latter giggled.
"Interesting," Debbie responded. "I seek to break free of the shackles of normality. If you see me acting too normal, please feel free to let me know, so I can avoid doing it again.. On the flip side, if you see me doing something notably strange, let me know that as well, so I can keep it in mind."
"If I start tutoring you, I will have to send an invoice to a parent or guardian," Cath claimed. "And I don't work for cheap."
"Hm, disregard for my parents' finances would line up with typical teenager behavior," Debbie considered. "I will go against the grain by being respectful of their bank account: an otherwise nebulous force which I cannot fully comprehend."
"Good for you," Cath said before getting under her bed's covers and lying down.
"It is about time we get some sleep," Morgan determined. "It's been a long day."
"You said it! Gotta rest up for tomorrow's challenge!" Wilhelmina agreed.
"I should brush my teeth and take a shower," Debbie said as she headed for the bathroom. She paused. "...Which is exactly why I won't."
"Ignoring hygiene isn't weird, it's just uncomfortable," Morgan told her.
"I see," Debbie nodded. She went to the bathroom after all.
Confessional:
Cath: It baffles me that the Staggering Goats think I'm interested in being their friend. We share this cabin out of convenience; beyond that, we are rivals. If I wanted to make friends, I would not have signed up for a high-stakes game that rewards clique mindsets and manipulating others.
Debbie: Morgan and Wilhelmina both told me they voted for Nelly last night, and I have no reason not to believe them. I'm still nervous that I was the last one called. That means I got the second-highest number of votes, even over Barney. I think. I need to figure out the key to true weirdness if I want to stick around. Otherwise, I don't know if I'll ever fit in with Total Drama - or anywhere else, for that matter.
Meanwhile, Barney, Joshua, and Tomas arrived at the boys' cabin. Jed and Ramsay got ready for bed, while Nico snored loudly in his bed.
"Ah, welcome back," Ramsay smiled. "A fun ceremony, I imagine."
"It was bittersweet, to say the least," Barney relayed.
"Nelly went home. The little blonde girl who kept yelling over stupid shit," Joshua explained.
"Makes sense," Jed claimed.
"I mean, she also didn't do much in the challenge, and didn't really try to get to know any of us," Tomas added. "Those were also pretty big factors."
"The same could be said for Debbie," Barney grinned. "And yet, she still remains."
"Debbie's nicer," Tomas shrugged.
"I'll be more than happy to vote her out next time," Joshua claimed. "Assuming there even is a next time."
"There will be," Jed said.
"Come again?" Joshua's eyebrow twitched.
"There will be a next time," Jed claimed. "I don't plan on losing a challenge."
"Oh, look out everyone, we've got a big shot over here!" Joshua announced.
"If you think about it, the Frosty Eagles have a 100% win rate in challenges so far," Ramsay snickered. "Leaving the Goats with a 0% win rate. Quite an interesting trend."
"There is no 'trend'!" Joshua objected. "It's only been one challenge!"
"Nyah... Cat you keep it down?" Nico whined. "You're being too loud for kitties to sleep."
"Whatever," Joshua scoffed.
He headed to the bathroom, only to be greeted by Stewart standing perfectly still, smiling and staring him in the eye.
"Gah!" Joshua cried. "What the hell are you- Get out!"
Stewart slowly exited the bathroom, not once breaking eye contact with Joshua.
Confessional:
Jed: Haven't seen much of the other team, but I'm not worried. They don't seem like much competition.
Barney: What an oddly obtuse outcome at tonight's elimination. I had the votes to get rid of Debbie: someone whom nobody on the team seems to like. In fact, I daresay she's a major part of why we lost the challenge. Yet only one person at most seemed to bite - and Joshua of all people just now suggested it was not himself. I shall have to find a new way to take contrrrol of my team. For there is always a way! (He twirls his mustache.)
Early the next morning, Morgan made sure to wake up before the others. After getting out of bed and donning her sunglasses and face mask, she exited the cabin.
"Morgan!" a voice from behind called.
"Hm?" Morgan turned around to find Debbie following after her. "...Good morning, Debbie."
"Your face doesn't seem to have any abnormalities," Debbie stated.
"...What?" Morgan asked.
"I was curious as to why you cover your face with those accessories, so I studied your face last night while you slept," Debbie explained. "I was disappointed to discover that there is nothing strange about it. You're a perfectly average-looking girl."
Morgan did not respond.
"Are you the type of person people accuse of being too average as well?" Debbie wondered. "Is that why you hide your face? I've been told I'm too normal, too, so I understand."
"Debbie, don't stare at people when they're asleep," Morgan told her.
"Is that weird?" Debbie asked.
"It's psychotic," Morgan told her.
"Hm, that does go a step beyond 'weird'," Debbie conceded. "A different category altogether, in fact. Got it. And sorry for making you uncomfortable."
"Just don't do it again," Morgan sighed as she headed for the mess hall.
...
"Do you know who voted for me last night?" Debbie asked as she followed Morgan.
"Probably just Barney," Morgan answered, not facing Debbie. "He tried pushing your name last night."
"Even though Nelly told everyone to vote for him?" Debbie asked. "How strange..."
"I don't think Barney is someone you should model yourself after," Morgan told her. "He's probably next to go if we lose again."
...
"Thanks for having my back," Debbie suddenly said.
"Hm?" Morgan stopped walking and turned to face her.
"You said you'd keep an eye on votes for me, and it sounds like you did," Debbie explained. "Plus, you're giving me advice, like how I shouldn't stare at people in their sleep, or take inspiration from Barney. No one else on the team has addressed me so thoroughly."
...
"Don't read too deep into it," Morgan told her as she continued heading for the mess hall.
"Was I?" Debbie asked. "It seems I do have a lot to learn from you."
Morgan ignored her and kept walking.
"So mysterious..." Debbie muttered.
Confessional:
Debbie: Morgan said with confidence that Barney was the only one to vote for me. She also said that Barney told everyone to vote for me. Those things don't line up, unless she knows something she's not telling me. She probably knows a lot she's not telling me. But she's still telling me more than anyone else is. Truly a conundrum... how fascinating.
Morgan: Okay, yes, I told the alliance that I didn't want to vote for Debbie! I didn't say why, but... well, she obviously trusts me. I can't just throw that away, even if she is kind of grating. But at the same time, I do not want her trying to get close to me! For many reasons! God, this is all so frustrating. (She fidgets with her face mask.)
In the mess hall, Cath took a seat across from Jed. The two had plates of cheap unfrozen waffles before them.
"Good morning, Jed. Did you sleep well?" Cath asked.
"About as well as I could have," Jed answered. "Nico and Joshua both snore loudly."
"I suppose that tracks. So does Wilhelmina," Cath responded. "I can't honestly claim to be well-rested, but I'd give my sleep 63 points. Technically acceptable, but it could be much better."
"Sounds about right," Jed nodded.
"I don't know if you've put much additional thought into who we should align ourselves with," Cath segued. "Do you suppose we can trust Ramsay?"
"Nah," Jed denied.
"Really?" Cath blinked. "Has he said anything to you?"
"Think he's still mad I took his camera earlier," Jed explained.
"Is that so?" Cath tutted. "How disappointingly petty of him."
"Keanna and I already said we'd prefer Stewart anyway," Jed mentioned.
"I suppose you did," Cath recalled. "I'm still hesitant about including someone who can't speak. Who's to say the other three won't also include him in their plans?"
"We're stronger than they are," Jed said. "Stewart should know better."
"Should know better and do know better are far from the same thing," Cath warned. "Believe me. Parents don't hire tutors for students who do know better."
"And you suspect Ramsay, Nico, or Hye-Jin will take our side if we include one of them instead?" Jed questioned.
"I think Hye-Jin could, if we make it clear that joining us is her best - if not only - chance at continued survival in the game," Cath claimed.
"Doubt it," Jed denied. "Why can't it just be me, you, and Keanna again?"
"Because that's not a majority!" Cath exasperated.
"So? If we do lose, we'll just vote out Nico anyway," Jed figured. "Doubt the others would disagree to that."
"Again, just because someone should know better, doesn't mean they do," Cath repeated.
"Then I guess we'll just have to keep winning challenges," Jed said.
Cath groaned in frustration.
Confessional:
Cath: Jed is obviously very strong and very capable, but his strategic sense leaves something to be desired. I'm afraid I'll have to bring him down to 85 points. I still intend to work closely with him throughout the game. I just need to help him realize that such a nonchalant approach to strategy won't pay off in the long run.
Jed: Cath's freaking out over nothing. Not everyone overthinks things as much as she does. All this is assuming we'll lose challenges anyway. I've seen the other team. We should be fine.
At the other table in the mess hall, Tomas and Wilhelmina ate their own breakfast.
"Just a slice of butter, man, I'm begging you..." Tomas lamented as he held up his waffle.
"Reckon you'll ever get used to the food 'round here?" Wilhelmina teased.
"I hope not," Tomas answered. "If my tastes suffer, then so too will my sense for constructing that perfect menu."
"Somehow I doubt you'll ever get to that point," Wilhelmina giggled.
"What about you?" Tomas challenged. "I'm sure you eat the meat you raise, right? If it's that good, then this food should be awful to you, too."
"Hey now," Wilhelmina said in a playful warning tone. "Our meat's the best there is. That don't mean I can't appreciate some cheap snacks. I used to eat these kinds of frozen waffles all the time when I was real little. So it ain't bad, it's 'nostalgic'."
"Gotcha," Tomas chuckled. "Either way, I'm going to soldier through it all. The food may not be good, but I've got to keep my strength up for the challenge."
"That's a good way of lookin' at it!" Wilhelmina encouraged. "I'd rather not hafta vote someone else out if I can help it."
"Yeah, last night went all over the place," Tomas agreed. "First it was Barney, then Nelly, then Debbie, then Nelly again! I mean, Nelly wasn't my favorite person, but having one less teammate feels like we're going in at a disadvantage."
"I think they make people sit out if their team has more players sometimes," Wilhelmina recalled. "They'll probably make the Eagles do that."
"Hope so," Tomas nodded. "What do you make of that alliance we fell into?"
"Oh, with Joshua n' Morgan?" Wilhelmina recalled. "Works for me! They seem like they're more into makin' big strategic plans n' stuff than I am. I'm just glad I get to enjoy the game!"
"That's definitely true, but I don't want to feel like they're just playing the game for me, you know?" Tomas scratched his head.
"Aw, there's more to it than just pickin' who to vote out," Wilhelmina assured him. "Gettin' to know folks and playin' in challenges is all part of the game, too!"
"Can't really argue with that," Tomas smiled.
Confessional:
Tomas: Wilhelmina's definitely the person here I've clicked with the most. She's got a good energy about her, plus we share a passion for ground beef that most girls can't claim to have. (He laughs.) I don't want to overthink this game, but I feel safe in saying that I'll stick with her for as long as I can.
Wilhelmina: I get that you need to keep track of some of people's strategy if ya don't wanna get left in the dust. I ain't completely outta the loop. But I trust the folks who say they have my back, and I'm gonna have theirs, too! Easy peasy! (She flexes her biceps excitedly.)
Outside, Keanna came across Ramsay, peering through finger frames.
"Yo, Ramsay. What's going on?" Keanna greeted.
She turned to see the subject of Ramsay's study: Stewart pretending to build some sort of structure.
"His exaggerated movements are great for the camera. If I had one," Ramsay explained.
"Any idea what he's building?" Keanna asked. "Wait, that's a dumb question, it's not like he can tell you."
"I'm sure the answer will become clear the more progress he makes on it," Ramsay figured. "What about you?"
"What about me?" Keanna asked.
"What are you up to?" Ramsay chuckled.
"Honestly? Just killing time until the challenge," Keanna told him. "It's not like there's anything to do besides shoot the breeze. I guess I could try to throw someone on the team under the bus, but Cath and Jed still haven't decided who's filling out the alliance. I don't see the point in naming targets when I don't even know who all I'm working with."
"Well, you can always just not work with Cath and Jed," Ramsay suggested.
"Maybe, but they're both pretty capable. I'd rather work with them than not," Keanna explained. "Can I take that to mean you definitely don't want to work with them?"
"I can't honestly say I've gotten along too well with either of them," Ramsay claimed. "And three is not a majority on a team of seven, so I can't imagine how you feel more secure with them than against them."
"Not everyone holds the same weird jealous disdain for them that you do," Keanna shrugged. "Right Stewart?"
Stewart pretended to drop a brick on his foot. He let out a huge, silent scream, then hopped on one foot while holding the other.
"He probably agrees," Keanna claimed.
"I'm just saying, things would go a lot easier if you kept your distance from Jed and Cath," Ramsay reiterated.
"No offense, but I don't exactly trust Hye-Jin or Nico as reliable long-term allies," Keanna declined.
"Suit yourself. The offer will stay open," Ramsay told her.
"I can't imagine I'll change my mind, but I appreciate how desperately you want me in your alliance," Keanna smiled. "See you around."
She threw a peace sign before walking off.
"You know what, she's really starting to get on my nerves, too," Ramsay growled.
Stewart put on an angry face and shook his fist.
"Anyway, you have my back, right?" Ramsay asked. "And Hye-Jin and Nico?"
Stewart bent backwards and scuttled away on all fours.
Confessional:
Ramsay: I didn't have to offer Keanna a spot in the alliance. Me, Hye-Jin, Stewart, and Nico already make a majority. In fact, I probably shouldn't have offered Keanna a spot. She could be telling Jed or Cath as we speak. She freely told me about her alliance, so why wouldn't she tell them about mine? ...Eh, like I said, three is not a majority. I'm not worried.
Keanna: It's cute how Ramsay thinks cobbling together the weaklings on the team is going to give him any kind of sway. It also sounded like he thinks Stewart is on his side. I guess we won't know for sure until a vote, so I can't count it out entirely. That's pretty annoying.
Barney and Joshua met up in the boys' cabin.
"Alright, I'm here. What is it you wanted to talk about?" Joshua asked.
"Why, isn't it obvious, my good man?" Barney quirked an eyebrow. "Whyever could Debbie still be here, when we had arrranged for her exeunt? I was under the impression that such an outcome would tickle your fancy."
"First of all, never say anything 'tickles my fancy'," Joshua winced. "Secondly, that idea worked for me, but the others weren't biting. I wasn't going to leave myself on the outs for a plan that wouldn't stick. I'm more than happy to vote her out if we lose again, but you'll have to check in with Morgan, Tomas, and Big Mina if you want any shot at that move working out."
"Is that so?" Barney hummed. "And does it not concern you? The possibility that the three of them could be working with Debbie?"
"I doubt it," Joshua denied. "They've got nothing to gain."
"Not even... a majority?" Barney posited. "Debbie may not be the most effective in challenges, but her vote holds just as much power as yours or mine. And frankly, those other three don't strike me as the sort who consider the long-term."
"And you do?" Joshua doubted. "You tried making two different alliances on a team of seven! Did you really think nobody was going to figure that out?"
"Your doubts are understandable, but know that I am always two steps ahead," Barney claimed, twirling his mustache.
"Okay, so what's your plan then, genius?" Joshua scoffed.
"The others trrrusted you enough to let you know that Nelly was last night's target, correct?" Barney deduced. "Use that trust, my boy! Make it clear that Debbie is the liability you know her to be."
"Your plan is to make me do your dirty work?" Joshua questioned.
"Those three declined an opportunity to vote out the weakest member of our team," Barney reminded him. "Who's to say they won't do so again, as things stand?"
"Tch," Joshua scoffed. "Just don't do anything stupid that will make them want to vote you out."
"Perish the thought!" Barney laughed.
Confessional:
Joshua: Geez, imagine having to tell someone that Debbie isn't aligned with those three, without having to explain that it's because I'm aligned with those three! Morgan did seem awfully quick to count out Debbie as an option, now that I think about it. Maybe I should put my foot down next time!
Barney: Hohoho, and away we go! For you see, not only am I keeping Debbie's name in the others' mouths, I'm also doing so in a way that keeps eyes off of yours truly. Yes, let Joshua make a fool of himself as he keeps pushing and pushing. Perhaps if he reaches a brrreaking point, the rest will want to vote him out instead! And then where will his not-so-secret alliance be, hm? (He twirls his mustache.)
Hye-Jin found Nico standing in front of the fire pit at the elimination area.
"It's nyaht fair..." Nico whined. "They had a nice warm fire here last night, and I didn't get to sleep by it at all. You've got to be kitten me..."
"Cats are already warm-blooded. You don't need a fire," Hye-Jin told him. "If you were a frog, that'd be different."
"Why would I want to be a gross, slimy ol' frog?" Nico asked. "Everyone loves those things for some reason. Too high expectations. I'm a cat because cats can just lie around and not have to worry about what society demands. It's purrfect."
"Ah! Ah!" Hye-Jin gasped. "...Ah!"
"You okay?" Nico asked uncaringly.
"How dare you say frogs are gross and slimy?!" Hye-Jin objected. "Not all frogs use a mucus coating to maintain moisture and regulate body temperature! That just shows how ignorant and prejudiced you are!"
"Against frogs?" Nico asked.
"Yes against frogs!" Hye-Jin pouted.
"Look, mammals have mucus too," Nico shrugged. "I'm sure it serves some kind of purpose too, but that doesn't make it any less gross. Why would you want to be covered with the stuff?"
"It's so not the same thing!" Hye-Jin argued. "Besides, cats are covered in hair and stuff! And they just shed and it gets everywhere. Now that's gross!"
"You have hair. You probably shed some of it sometimes," Nico claimed.
"Hair on your head is one thing, but I shave my legs and stuff because it's not supposed to be anywhere else!" Hye-Jin claimed.
"Nyah. Sounds like a waste of time and energy," Nico dismissed.
"All you do is waste time!" Hye-Jin accused.
"I guess I am talking to you, so I can't really deny that," Nico chuckled. "Sounds like you've made a good point for once. I should go rest up for today's challenge or something."
Nico let out a yawn and headed for the boys' cabin.
"You'd better actually help in the challenge today!" Hye-Jin called out.
"Back atcha, Frog Legs," Nico called back.
"Frog Legs?!" Hye-Jin cried.
Confessional:
Hye-Jin: Yeah? Well... uh... frogs have very powerful legs that are adept at jumping! So if he means that my legs are strong and agile thanks to countless millennia of evolutionary prowess, then... yeah, I have Frog Legs! You jerk!
Nico: Hye-Jin's so loud, man. I kind of want to vote her off if we lose. Who wants to keep someone that's mean to kitties around anyway, huh?
Debbie entered the mess hall to find Tomas trying to peer behind the serving counter.
"Tomas? What are you doing?" Debbie inquired.
"I'm looking to see if they have literally any herbs or spices back there," Tomas explained. "I can't really see very far, though. And the door is locked, of course."
"You're very interested in food, I've noticed," Debbie mentioned. "A largely ordinary hobby. I wonder why you were cast on the show."
Tomas didn't look quite comfortable with that. "I'll, uh, try to ignore that second part. If you want to talk about food, though, you came to the right place!"
"I'd rather stick to more abnormal topics," Debbie decided. "Unless you wish to speak of strange or unorthodox foods."
"Well, strangeness is in the eye of the beholder," Tomas figured. "Or in this case, the stomach. A lot of foods that people consider strange or gross are perfectly normal in other parts of the world. I'm not necessarily a fine diner, but I have had a kangaroo burger before."
"What's a kangaroo burger?" Debbie asked.
"It's a burger, but with kangaroo instead of beef," Tomas told her.
"Is that ethical?" Debbie wondered.
"Probably," Tomas shrugged. "If it wasn't, the restaurant I went to wouldn't have served it. There's no way it's any less ethical than any other animal we eat. I don't think kangaroos are endangered."
"Hm. This brings to mind the concept of a kangaroo farm," Debbie mused. "Imagine waking up every morning to feed the livestock, but the livestock are kangaroos instead of cows or horses. ...How delightfully quaint. This conversation has been insightful after all."
"Maybe that's a thing in Australia," Tomas chuckled. "I mean, all that kangaroo meat has to come from somewhere, right?
"To be a kangaroo farmer... What a life to live..." Debbie smiled.
"Actually, now that I think about it, I've had escargot, too," Tomas recalled. "It's pretty good. Kind of like clams, almost. I think those animals are related, so that makes sense."
"Finding escargot to be weird is rote and passe," Debbie claimed.
"But what about being a snail farmer?" Tomas grinned.
"Perhaps a yet weirder occupation than a kangaroo farmer..." Debbie hummed. "Interesting."
Confessional:
Tomas: I don't know if I'm in any rush to add kangaroo or escargot to my menu. Seems like more trouble and money than it's worth. But it puts a lot of things into perspective, you know? There's a whole world of culinary ideas out there that we still haven't even thought of! But hey, we'll always need good fast food, so I'm content doing what I'm doing, man.
Debbie: To dedicate your life to being a farmer, yet to only raise animals consumed in high-class dishes... Such a dichotomy is amusing to me. I hadn't considered it may ever be possible. This is the sort of thing I signed up for. When a possibility occurs to me, I may consider even more. Such as... being a farmer for... poison ivy. Who would do that? How wacky and off-the-wall, don't you think?
Keanna came across Jed gathering sticks and branches from the trees surrounding the area.
"Ooh, are you making us a fire?" Keanna asked. "I'll be honest: I wouldn't mind being next to something warmer than our itchy blankets."
"I'll use what's left to start a fire," Jed told her.
"'What's left'?" Keanna asked. "What are you using all that for, then?"
"Wood here's durable and flexible," Jed explained. "Think I'll make a bow, see if I can hunt some small animals."
"Ooh, and we can cook that over the fire?" Keanna figured.
"Exactly," Jed nodded.
"What if the other team wants to take some?" Keanna asked. "Can we really stop them?"
"Won't make a difference," Jed claimed. "Yesterday we proved we're better than them. We can keep that up."
"I like your unbridled confidence!" Keanna laughed. "Oh, speaking of which, did you and Cath ever agree on who else should be in our alliance?"
"Nah," Jed denied.
"That might be important, since Ramsay's trying to pull together the others into an alliance of his own," Keanna mentioned. "I don't think it'll work, because Hye-Jin and Nico hate each other, but they might be able to look past that to stay out of the minority. Could be worth considering."
"Has Stewart said anything about where he stands?" Jed asked.
Keanna raised her eyebrows at him.
"You know what I mean," Jed sighed.
"I'm not sure I do. Stewart doesn't communicate anything beyond his weird little performance art," Keanna said. "Honestly, I see where Cath is coming from, being kind of wary of him."
"He more than pulled his weight in yesterday's challenge. I see no reason to exclude him," Jed said firmly.
"Man, you are so lucky Cath is down bad for you." Keanna shook her head. "Because you're not really getting us anywhere on a strategic level, either."
"Excuse me?" Jed asked.
"Well, you're not. It had to be said," Keanna maintained.
"I meant the other thing," Jed clarified.
"What, about Cath being down bad for you?" Keanna laughed. "Don't tell me you didn't notice that. It's sooooo obvious."
"There are other things to focus on," Jed stated.
"Well, good. I don't want to worry about you two turning on me because you turn each other on," Keanna smiled. "Anyway, just keep an open mind. Even if we didn't vote last night, that doesn't mean the game isn't moving."
"That's for you and Cath to worry about," Jed said. "I'll stick to making sure we don't have to vote at all."
"That'll only work until the merge, but I'm sure you can put your ego aside by then," Keanna smiled.
Confessional:
Keanna: This team's a damn mess. I feel like things should be easier to organize than they are, but everyone's got their own idea of what should happen, and nobody can agree on anything! Part of me wishes we never lose so we don't have to worry about what the vote's going to look like. Another part of me hopes we do lose tonight so we can just rip the band-aid off.
Jed: Hm. Didn't realize Cath thought about me like that. ...Interesting.
Down the path from yesterday's challenge, Morgan strolled alone.
"Why is this already so stressful?" she thought aloud. "The game's barely started."
She looked at the horizon, where more mountains littered the surrounding area. The sun peeked through the spaces between the peaks, adding a warm glow to the purple morning sky.
"Hm. It's kind of cozy up here."
"There you are!" an impatient voice sounded.
After a brief pause, Morgan turned to see Joshua approaching.
"I've been looking for you all morning," Joshua told her. "We need to talk."
"Is that so?" Morgan asked.
"Alright, I'm not going to claim Nelly was a bad choice to vote out," Joshua said. "In any other instance, I would have agreed wholeheartedly that it should be her. But we still have to deal with Debbie now. And Debbie's a way worse teammate than Nelly!"
"You said all this last night," Morgan mentioned.
"Yeah, because it's true!" Joshua insisted. "I didn't think that much about it at first, but why did you say outright you weren't voting Debbie? It makes no sense!"
...
"Well?!" Joshua asked impatiently.
"I thought I mentioned it, but Debbie trusts me," Morgan explained. "She thinks I'm weird. We can use that. Nelly didn't trust anyone, so she would have held us all back in any circumstance. We can at least use Debbie's vote to our advantage."
"Oh, right, so when the stars align and we make the merge with our other allies and Debbie, we'll be set. Gotcha!" Joshua scoffed.
"It's not impossible," Morgan shrugged. "And even if we do keep losing, we can vote her out later. But it's better to keep her around than Nelly or even Barney."
"There's no way," Joshua denied. "Nelly, maybe, but she is not better for the team than Barney."
"The guy who made alliances with literally everyone?" Morgan questioned.
"At least everyone knows he's an untrustworthy idiot! And at least he pulls his weight in challenges!" Joshua ranted.
"We've had one challenge," Morgan claimed. "Believe me, I'm not Debbie's biggest fan either, but she's just better for our games than Nelly or Barney."
"Tch. Whatever," Joshua dismissed, heading back up the path.
Confessional:
Joshua: Yeah, Debbie's better for Morgan's game alright. No one else's, but definitely Morgan's! 'Oh, Debbie trusts me, we can use that'! How on earth am I supposed to use that? I'm not the one Debbie trusts! Morgan's really starting to piss me off, acting like she's playing for the good of anyone but herself.
Morgan: Oh my god how the hell did I not buckle?! I was dreading that conversation so bad, you guys. I don't usually... make stands of any kind. Nobody takes me that seriously! Until now! I just hope Joshua isn't making me look bad to the others. (She takes a deep breath.) Don't freak out over what-ifs, Morgan. So far so good, right?
Cath found Hye-Jin in the girls' cabin, going over her notebooks.
"Studying even when not in school? How commendable. 79 points," Cath complimented.
"Frogs are fun to read about no matter what time it is," Hye-Jin said proudly. "Some say the presence of frogs can be used as a barometer for how healthy an ecosystem is, and I think that's beautiful."
"That sounds strictly subjective to the point of possibly being pseudoscience. You're down to 61 points," Cath told her. "That's not why I'm here to see you anyway."
"Good, because my frog knowledge is always worth 100 points and I'm tired of you pretending like it isn't," Hye-Jin pouted.
"Don't push it," Cath warned.
Hye-Jin sighed. "What did you want to actually talk about?"
"One thing we do have in common is a complete lack of patience or tolerance for Nico's behavior," Cath noted. "In light of this, it should benefit us to work together. If we vote Nico out following a challenge loss, Jed, Keanna, and I are prepared to give you long-term security in the game."
"Vote out Nico, huh?" Hye-Jin parroted. "I could probably do that."
"Good. Then we're on the same page," Cath nodded. "I've underestimated you. Actually, I'm feeling generous. 83 points."
"Working with you in the game is worth more than studying?" Hye-Jin asked.
"It shows not only diligence and responsibility, but a willingness to collaborate and listen," Cath explained. "Thus showcasing far more skill than simply studying, though the importance of studying should not be downplayed, either."
Hye-Jin gasped. "Do you want to study frogs with me?!"
"The subject hardly seems relevant to either the immediate circumstances or to many future circumstances, so I will have to decline for now," Cath told her.
"Awww," Hye-Jin hung her head.
"You said yourself that amphibians are unlikely to live here," Cath maintained. "So I doubt they'll come up in any challenges. If I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it."
"I guess..." Hye-Jin sighed.
"Until then, you'd do well to prepare yourself for whatever the challenge may be," Cath told her.
"How can I do that if we don't know what it is?" Hye-Jin wondered.
"Simply be ready," Cath half-explained before taking her leave.
Confessional:
Cath: Hye-Jin may be childish and incessant, but she is neither stupid nor irresponsible. Between our common goal, her needing a niche to fulfill among the team, and her inability to do much beyond vote with us in the first place, she was the perfect choice.
Hye-Jin: Oh wow Cath, you want me to be on the bottom of your stupid meanies alliance? You shouldn't have! (She gags.) I played along, but don't go thinking I'll just throw it all away. Besides, I'm already good with Ramsay, who also doesn't like Cath or Jed. So without the three Cath mentioned, it's me, Ramsay, Stewart, and... and... (Her face slowly falls as realization dawns on her.) No, nonono wait! Wait wait wait that's not fair! Come on, why does it have to be like that?!
Barney found Wilhelmina standing in the middle of the plateau, deadlifting a big log.
"Hohoho! What a feat! Brava, brava!" Barney complimented.
"Oh, this?" Wilhelmina smiled. She set the log down. "Just warmin' myself up for the challenge!"
"An admirable endeavor, to be sure," Barney nodded.
"You should warm yourself up too, Barney!" Wilhelmina invited. "I can find a smaller log for ya!"
"Your offer is appreciated, my dear, but I'm afraid I must decline," Barney told her. "I shall adjust my paradigm by witnessing your own exuberance, for that will be more than enough."
"Thanks, I think," Wilhelmina giggled. "Oh, by the way, sorry I didn't tell you the Debbie vote wasn't workin' out. It was all real last-minute-type stuff."
"I've already forgotten about it, don't you worry," Barney claimed. "Let us now look towards the future, where another advancement always awaits! Has anyone illuminated you on any such ideas?"
"What, uh, who we'd vote for next?" Wilhelmina asked. "That's, uh... I guess Debbie still ain't out of the question. I think."
"I hope you don't mind me noticing, but you don't sound very confident in what your next step may be," Barney noted.
"To be honest, I'd rather just focus on winnin' challenges instead of what we'd have to do if we lost," Wilhelmina admitted.
"Dedicating oneself to making progress is admirable, but one must also plan for any contingency," Barney claimed. "I, for one, feel Joshua has had a negative effect on team morrrale quite similar to Nelly."
"He can be kinda grouchy, huh?" Wilhelmina giggled. "He ain't that bad once ya get to know him though."
"Perhaps not to his allies, but how do you think poor Debbie feels? Or myself, for that matter?" Barney challenged.
Wilhelmina paused. "...Ya knew about our alliance?"
"I'm hardly one to begrrrudge someone for making deals behind others' backs," Barney chuckled, twirling his mustache. "I wear many hats, but 'hypocrite' is not one of them. So I cannot blame you, nor anyone, for making such a deal. But do know, my dear Wilhelmina, that there is nothing in this game you cannot change if you put your mind to it."
Before the conversation could continue, the low rumbling of a helicopter in the distance drew their attention.
"Reckon that's got to do with our next challenge?" Wilhelmina wondered.
"I would wager so," Barney nodded.
Confessional:
Barney: Indeed, I may have been caught in the act of deception early on, but I don't believe anyone on this team can honestly claim they haven't by this point. 'Tis but a facet of the game, ladies and gents. My goal for now? Dismantle that alliance and rrreclaim my position as the middleman of the team. After all, when an aeroplane crashes and burns, the survivors will turn to those unscathed for aid.
Wilhelmina: Shoot, and here I thought our alliance was all cool and secret-like. I dunno why I'm so worried that Barney called it out like that. There's still four of us, n' only two folks who ain't in it. And the four of us got together 'cause we all trust one another. I reckon Barney might be tryin' to get into my head. If that's the case, then I don't appreciate it, sir! (She huffs and puts her hands on her hips.)
Ramsay entered the boys' cabin to find Nico curled up in a ball, napping on his bed.
"Oi, Nico!" Ramsay greeted. "Some helicopter looks like it's about to land. I think our next challenge is coming up."
"Nyahhhhhhhh," Nico whined. "Why wake me up neow and nyaht when it's actually time?"
"To give you time to wake up?" Ramsay explained.
"They're going to make someone sit out anyway, right?" Nico groaned. "I probably don't even need to be there."
"You probably ought to. I'm about 90% sure Jed's alliance wants to vote for you if we lose," Ramsay told him. "Which reminds me. Jed's alliance is him, Cath, and Keanna. I know you and Hye-Jin aren't exactly besties, but if the three of us plus Stewart can promise to stick together, we can make sure they don't just steamroll over the game."
"So you're saying it doesn't matter if I try that hard, or even if we win or lose," Nico concluded.
"That's... No?" Ramsay blinked.
"We've got a majority vote, right?" Nico yawned. "Why should I give a hairball about how well we do? In fact, isn't it better if we lose, so we can vote out the annoying ones?"
"It's better if we don't lose, so we can keep the momentum over the Goats," Ramsay told him. "So we don't go into the merge with a numbers disadvantage."
"Nyah, as long as we don't lose more than three times, we should be fine," Nico decided. "I say we should blow those three times early and then just win the rest of them until we merge. Let the other team tire themselves out or underestimate us or something."
"We can't guarantee anything," Ramsay sighed. "Let's just do what we can to make sure things go smoothly."
"My catnap was going smoothly before all this..." Nico groaned.
"Bro, come on, you're out here on Total Drama," Ramsay told him. "A very rare and valuable opportunity to tell the kind of story you'd never be able to tell otherwise."
"And I'll tell that story when it's time," Nico insisted.
"Now isn't the time?" Ramsay doubted.
"The middle of my catnap is time for sleeping," Nico claimed. "Not for doing things that aren't sleeping."
Ramsay sighed through his nose. The rumbling of the helicopter became louder and louder.
"Wonder what's going on," Ramsay said. "Some kind of plot twist, perhaps? I've got to see this."
"Let me know if it was cool," Nico mumbled as he lay back down.
Ramsay left the cabin. Just as he left, Stewart scuttled out of the bathroom in his backwards all-fours position and followed him out the door.
Confessional:
Ramsay: The scene is set, and the players know their roles... but I don't know if I can direct some of these divas. At the very least, I should have a solid voting bloc against Jed. Beggars can't really be choosers, I guess, but any good filmmaker knows how to be adaptable. Robert Downey Jr., Robin Williams, Bill Murray: these actors are famous for ad-libbing. Their directors make it work. So will I.
Nico: Wait, does that mean I can't vote off Hye-Jin? Nyehhhhh... I guess Cath's kind of annoying too. What a waste of a person who has 'Cat' in her name.
A large helicopter now stood in the center of the plateau. Topher hopped out with a bullhorn in his hand.
"Attention, contestants!" he called out. "It's time for your next challenge! Meet me out in the center ASAP!"
The contestants who hadn't already come to check out the loud helicopter slowly arrived one by one.
"Alright, looks like everyone's here," Topher acknowledged. "Except of course for Nelly, who was voted out at last night's elimination."
"I understand the desire to keep the Frosty Eagles in the loop, but we did not know Nelly very well, not to mention the fact that we were already privy to that information," Cath criticized. "Please do not waste our time."
"Alrighty, since Cath already seems to know everything, I guess I don't have to explain what the challenge is," Topher snickered. "Go!"
...
"I thought so," Topher said. "Incidentally, does anyone remember the name of the mountain range we're currently residing in?"
"Aw, it was some Cree-sounding word. Began with an M, I think," Tomas recalled.
"Mamahtawiyiniw Peaks," Topher answered. "And indeed, 'mamahtawiyiniw' is a Cree word, roughly translating to 'wizard'. That's because, according to legend, these mountains were once home to powerful hermits, attuned with the gods, who performed sacred rituals and could utilize powerful magic. So powerful that its effects can still be felt to this very day!"
"Guess that explains what the cabins and cafeteria are doin' here," Wilhelmina giggled.
"Anyway, it turns out that those altars we used to light bonfires in yesterday's challenge were used in some of those sacrificial rites," Topher continued. "And I've been informed that the gods might not be too happy that we made an offering of what was essentially just firewood."
"Oh noooooooooo..." Nico fake-worried.
"Hey, I'm not trying to piss off any ancient ones," Keanna said. "I don't care if this is all window dressing to make the challenge seem more interesting than it is. Better safe than sorry."
"Although, would invoking the wrath of indigenous deities set me apart from the rest of society?" Debbie considered.
"Well, we're not going to let you find out I'm afraid," Topher said. "We'll be taking a helicopter ride to a nearby mountain, one which is far richer in flora and fauna than this one. Your job is to compile an offering that will please the local gods. The offering must consist entirely of the animals located on the mountain. Once gathering time is up, the team who provides the most abundant sacrifice will win Invincibility."
"That seems rather subjective," Barney noted.
"I guess for the sake of transparency, that just means whichever offering is heavier," Topher explained.
"Can we sacrifice Nico?" Hye-Jin asked. "He's an animal located on the mountain."
"Legally, we can't allow that," Topher said. "No matter what kind of rituals went down here in the past, we're still within Canada's borders, and killing people is still frowned upon. Although that does remind me! Frosty Eagles, since you have one extra member, you'll have to sit someone out of the challenge."
"I'll do it!" Nico volunteered.
None of the Frosty Eagles objected to this.
"Alright, Nico's sitting out," Topher confirmed. "Everyone else, hop into the copter, and we'll be on our way!"
Confessional:
Cath: Frankly, I'm dubious that anyone on the production team knows a single thing about Cree folklore, but humanity does sport a proud tradition of appropriating languages and cultures they don't understand in an attempt to look cool or smart. And I won't even dignify any existence of gods or magic with more than 'it's simply thematic'.
Joshua: Alright, this sounds pretty simple and straightforward, but then, so did the last one. I'm going to keep an eye on Debbie to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid that might slow us down or something.
Jed: Hmph. Seems easy enough. I do this sort of thing on the weekends anyway.
Morgan: Oh geez, we won't have to kill any animals, will we? I get so squeamish about that kind of thing. Even if it's an ugly animal and just for the challenge. Maybe I'll leave that part to Wilhelmina. She works on a ranch, she does this a lot, right?
The helicopter transported the twelve competing players to a nearby mountain: a green, flat-topped peak with trees, colorful plants, and healthy animals all around. Warmer temperature and a lack of frost on the ground took the contestants by mild surprise as they exited the copter.
"Whoa, this place is gorgeous!" Wilhelmina enthused
"Why couldn't we live here instead of that other mountain?" Hye-Jin asked.
"Because we wanted to preserve the natural habitat that formed here," Topher claimed.
"Doesn't this challenge run counter to that?" Ramsay commented.
"It'll recover," Topher dismissed. "Frosty Eagles, gather your offering on the blue altar. Staggering Goats, gather yours on the red altar." He gestured to the two colored stone structures nearby. "And just to keep it competitive, I'll say right out the gate that you can't steal anything the other team has already put on or by their altar. While we on Total Drama appreciate underhanded tactics, we also don't want this to devolve into you guys just stealing from each other back and forth for half an hour. That would be boring."
"And chasing bunnies around isn't already boring?" Joshua doubted.
"With enough competitive spirit, anything can become the most engaging thing you've ever seen," Topher claimed.
"In that case, I'll let the Staggering Goats know now that they're going down. It won't even be close," Keanna smiled.
"Hohoho! I eagerly rrrise to the challenge!" Barney returned.
"That's what I like to hear," Topher nodded. "If there are no more questions, we can begin shortly!"
Confessional:
Ramsay: It's a gorgeous scene, but hey, I've seen Midsommar. Gorgeous scenes don't always lead to gorgeous scenarios. I'm just going to do what it takes to win. Short of, you know, killing and sacrificing a teammate.
Wilhelmina: Now, there's only one true God, and I don't think He accepts sacrificial offerings these days. But hey, it's all just a challenge in the game anyway, nothin' serious. Plus, I'd really like to win Invincibility! (She pats her bicep.) So the team can count on me!
Both teams split up in order to effectively cover more ground. Cath and Jed headed to a more wooded area of the plateau.
"I believe Keanna mentioned to me that you've constructed a bow and arrow," Cath said. "Am I to assume you brought it with you?"
"Haven't finished it yet," Jed told her. "...Sorry."
"That's a touch disappointing, but I'm sure we'll more than pull our weight regardless," Cath figured. "Now, the challenge is to provide the heaviest sacrifice. Let us keep that in mind as we proceed."
"Of course," Jed nodded.
"You're a hunter in your free time, if I'm not mistaken?" Cath brought up. "Has your trained eye seen anything we can use? Your skills should be invaluable here."
"Just some birds and squirrels so far. Nothing substantial," Jed told her. "Keep an eye out for anything you can't hold in your hands."
"Such as a deer, or such as a dog?" Cath asked.
"Either works," Jed told her.
"I see," Cath hummed. "A 70-point plan, if only because your instructions are a little vague."
"...I'll do better next time," Jed said. "Just follow my lead. Hunting's a slow and delicate process."
"Hopefully not too slow," Cath mentioned.
"You wanna catch animals or not?" Jed asked.
"Alright. If you will allow me to observe, then I will follow your lead," Cath relented.
"Mm," Jed responded. "...Here. This is a good spot to stake out."
Jed gestured to some bushes nestled against a tree. He hopped behind them, gesturing for Cath to join him.
"If you insist," Cath said reluctantly as she joined him.
Confessional:
Cath: Though I trust Jed's abilities in this challenge, I can't help but feel as though he struggles to communicate effectively. This is a distressing trend I've noticed for some time. If he's going to be my closest ally, he will have to shape up. 70 points, admittedly, may have been a bit generous.
Jed: ...Cath, huh? Still don't see what Keanna's talking about, but I know Keanna wouldn't lie to me. ...Not that it matters. Gotta focus on the challenge, after all. (He folds his arms.)
Joshua followed close behind Debbie as she meandered around the field.
"These flowers are awfully pretty," Debbie noted. "But consider that we do not know if the gods follow the same logic as people do. What is normal to them may be weird to us, and vice versa."
"So are you going to look for animals, or not?" Joshua asked.
"I am unsure," Debbie admitted. "I deduce that it is normal to appreciate pretty flowers. Therefore, I am inclined to do so. However, should the gods follow a different code of normality than we lowly mortals, then these flowers would indeed be animals to them. Which is weird. But then, we must consider if these particular gods appreciate weirdness, like humanity, or normality, which is again the opposite of humanity."
"Wait a minute, what gods?!" Joshua realized. "It's all being judged by Topher or whoever!"
"In the strictest sense, perhaps," Debbie figured. "But should Topher choose to follow the logic of the gods, then we must consider that, since it is normal to appreciate pretty flowers-"
"He said we need a big heavy animal sacrifice or something," Joshua interrupted. "I don't think a couple of flowers are going to cut it!"
"Then we will gather every flower on the plateau. That should be heavy enough," Debbie figured. She bent down and began picking some. "Please assist me. I don't think I can carry them all on my own. Although, it would be an awfully strange sight if I tried..."
"You're missing the point!" Joshua exasperated.
"Really? Good. That's how I know I'm on the right track," Debbie accepted.
"Debbie, do you want to win the challenge or not?!" Joshua seethed.
"Of course I do," Debbie confirmed. "However, should the gods follow a different-"
"You know what, keep picking flowers! I'm going to go find something substantial!" Joshua decided as he stormed off.
"Okay," Debbie accepted as she resumed picking flowers.
Confessional:
Joshua: Gah! That little freak is going out of her way to get under my skin! She has to be! But I can't just keep hovering over her to make sure she actually contributes. I've got to actually do my part, too. Priorities and stuff.
Debbie: Joshua confuses me. By my understanding, people tend to look down on the exceptionally normal. I'm aware of this, and have made every effort to fix myself in that regard. Yet he either doesn't notice, or doesn't care. I must come to a fast conclusion so I know if I'm the problem, or he is.
Hye-Jin and Ramsay found a small spring nestled away in a corner of the plateau.
"Whoa! It's soooooo pretty!" Hye-Jin enthused.
"Surely frogs could live here, right?" Ramsay figured.
"Haven't you been paying attention?" Hye-Jin sighed. "The elevation is far too extreme. They aren't built to last in this kind of area."
"Right, my bad," Ramsay said, not sounding sorry at all. He peered through a finger frame. "Is there anything we could grab for our sacrifice, though?"
Hye-Jin peered into the spring, noticing the presence of some fish within. "Ooh! We can grab some fish!"
Ramsay leaned in close to the water to inspect it. "Can we easily snatch fish out of the water, though? They're notoriously fast swimmers. Being fish and all."
"Come on, give me some credit," Hye-Jin giggled. "I catch frogs all the time at home. And fish can't even jump, so they're way stupider and easier to catch probably."
Ramsay looked on with interest, gesturing for her to proceed. Hye-Jin scanned the spring, poised for the right opportunity. Once she determined she was ready, her arm launched forward. She did not grasp onto her target, and found herself stumbling forward and into the spring itself.
Hye-Jin slowly got up and walked back to dry ground. "That was just a warm-up! I'll get it next time!"
"Do you usually grab frogs with your hand like a snake snapping at its prey?" Ramsay questioned.
"Sometimes!" Hye-Jin insisted. "Trust me, I can totally do this!"
She poised to grab the fish once again. Ramsay looked on with tenuous interest.
Confessional:
Ramsay: Hye-Jin is the person I trust the most in this game, for whatever that's worth. I could see us being friends outside the game, but inside the game, it can be a bit frustrating when she gets distracted or fixated on something. Although, it's better she focus on this than on how much she doesn't like Nico.
Hye-Jin: Ramsay can judge me all he wants, but I didn't see him trying to grab any fish, so, like, objectively I'm more useful than he is here. (She pouts.)
Tomas and Wilhelmina carried out their search in an area covered in tall grass.
"Reckon we might find some wildlife in this here grass," Wilhelmina informed. "If there's one thing animals love, it's grass."
"That just makes me think of how people advertise their grass-fed beef," Tomas chuckled. "As opposed to all the beef that was raised on Lunchables and blow, right?"
"Grain-fed," Wilhelmina told him. "Cows that ain't grass-fed are grain-fed. Come on, if you're gonna run a burger place someday, you gotta know that!"
"Do you feed your cows grass or grain?" Tomas asked.
"With all the demand to keep up with? Grain, of course," Wilhelmina said. "It's just cheaper n' easier. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's what happens when ya ask how the sausage is made."
"I'm not judging. At least not until the buying phase," Tomas joked.
"Please. You couldn't tell the difference even if they were labeled," Wilhelmina teased.
"Sure I could, the one that's tastier is grass-fed," Tomas insisted. "That's why nobody brags about having grain-fed beef."
"Only 'cause nobody's tried ours," Wilhelmina boasted.
"What happened to being super successful and in-demand?" Tomas chuckled.
"Oh, you know what I mean, you big goofus!" Wilhelmina playfully nudged him.
The two shared a friendly laugh. When they calmed down, Tomas began to look around.
"Anyway, we should probably look harder than this," Tomas figured. "Don't want to get too distracted in the middle of a challenge."
"I'm distractin' you, am I?" Wilhelmina winked. "I get that a lot, so I understand."
"Yeah, well..." Tomas cleared his throat. "You can distract me all you want after we've won Invincibility."
"Reckon I can get behind that," Wilhelmina grinned.
The two sifted through the grass for anything that might work. A brightly colored snake hissed and bared its fangs.
"Honey mustard n' biscuits!" Wilhelmina gasped.
"Oh geez..." Tomas groaned.
Confessional:
Tomas: I mean, yeah, Wilhelmina's fun to be around. We get along pretty well. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to hang out after the game, but... I gotta focus on the game, you know! (He clears his throat.) She's a fun person, that's all.
Wilhelmina: Tomas is a big ol' weirdo, heehee! You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a decent guy who's interested in the ins n' outs of meat quality. (She giggles.) Nah, but in all seriousness, he's a trustworthy fella. I'm glad he n' I are workin' together!
Keanna and Stewart found a small cave and sojourned inside.
"I'm still not entirely sure what we're looking for, but this has to be really dangerous," Keanna mentioned. "If we run into a bear, I'm booking it."
Stewart pretended to open a book and flip through its pages. He offered the imaginary book to Keanna.
"Maybe later. Right now, we need to figure out what the hell we're going to sacrifice to the god of the mountain," Keanna reiterated. "Some kind of animals, right? Can we find a bat in here or something?"
Stewart wore a ponderous look as he stroked his chin exaggeratedly. He looked around the cave as he wandered in deeper.
"I really don't know what you expect to find here," Keanna mentioned. "Any animals that live here are probably dangerous. Unless you're going to hack them to death with an imaginary cleaver."
Keanna paused when she noticed Stewart pretending to sharpen an imaginary cleaver. He looked at her with a smile, bouncing his eyebrows.
Just then, a low growling noise sounded throughout the cave, echoing against its walls. Keanna plastered a smile on her face, though her eyebrows betrayed her fear.
"That was probably something large and territorial. You can stick around and find out if you want, but I'm too young and talented to waste my potential on one challenge! See you!"
Keanna waved as she headed for the exit Stewart stood his ground, cracking his knuckles with a cocky grin. He held his hand out and beckoned for whatever made the noise to come challenge him.
The growling noise rang once again. With a determined expression, Stewart took on a martial arts stance and pretended to shout kiai.
Confessional:
Keanna: I maintain what I said about that guy before: I can't trust him. It doesn't matter how confident he is, he's just a weirdo who's impossible to read. We probably don't need a majority that bad. Not when Nico's already a free vote-out.
Barney and Morgan looked through a densely forested part of the plateau.
"So much greenery," Barney commented. "It does an old steampunk's heart good to see that, even as technology marches forward, there's still yet more room for humanity to stake its claim!"
"That's what you got out of being among nature?" Morgan asked.
"A jest, my dear," Barney snickered. "Though I admire our prrroclivity for technological advancement, there is still something to be said of Mother Earth taking her course."
"Mm," Morgan acknowledged.
"Be that as it may, we must seek something for our offering posthaste," Barney deduced. "Surely there must be some bounty amongst the trees, no? Birds or the like."
...
"Well, let me know if you see anything behind those mysterious spectacles of yours," Barney smiled.
"I will," Morgan stated.
...
"I fear the balance of our team's dynamics is more prrrecarious than you realize," Barney mentioned.
"Is that so?" Morgan dismissed. "Last I checked, you're the only one who didn't vote for Nelly."
"Oh? And I suppose you'd see me gone next?" Barney asked.
...
"Because I've heard Debbie's name going around, and not just from myself," Barney told her. "If you think you're being sly by working with her, it's not working, love."
"What do you mean by that?" Morgan asked.
Barney snickered to himself. "Oh, I suppose it doesn't matter much, now does it?"
"That's not going to change my mind in any way," Morgan told him.
"I'm not here to change your mind, my dear." Barney twirled his mustache. "Only to win the challenge, and to warn you that you're not in as much contrrrol as you may think."
"Focus more on the former," Morgan said.
"As you wish," Barney snickered.
Confessional:
Morgan: Look, I know Barney's just trying to trip me up without outright throwing anyone under the bus. Otherwise he would have said who was gunning for Debbie. And it's not like I need Debbie to begin with. I'd just rather have her around than Barney; I don't feel like that's unreasonable!
Barney: Total Drama is a delicate game, my friends. Like a small gadget, one must be very careful when crafting one's game to perfection. But Morgan will come to realize that perhaps I may not be so full of it when Joshua pushes for Debbie to go in the near future. And then whom can she trust, hmm?
Cath and Jed remained hidden in the bushes, waiting for prey.
"Though I am a patient woman, I'm starting to doubt the practicality of sitting still during a challenge with a strict time limit," Cath admitted.
"You got a way to lure marks?" Jed asked.
"I'm sorry?" Cath asked.
"You got a way to get animals to come to us?" Jed clarified.
"I don't doubt your expertise, but it occurs to me that we may need to adopt a different approach in this particular circumstance," Cath told him. She stood up and left the bush. "And frankly, I don't trust the rest of our team to do much of anything in this challenge. We should take more initiative than we are."
"And do what?" Jed asked.
"Look around to make sure there are animals to catch, for starters," Cath suggested.
"Mm," Jed grunted. "...Fine."
He stood up and followed Cath further into the forest.
"I can hear birds," Jed noted. "And I've seen half-eaten pinecones on the ground. That suggests squirrels live here. But those animals are fast. If we're going to catch one, we'll need to set a trap."
"Interesting," Cath nodded, impressed.
"Didn't bring anything fancy with me," Jed admitted. "But if we can dig a shallow hole, I can put my jacket over it, cover it with leaves, and leave a fresh pinecone on top. A squirrel might go for it."
"That sounds like more waiting," Cath figured. "But if that's the best plan we have, I suppose it must suffice."
"Or we can get lucky, find a deer, and I can wrestle that," Jed shrugged. "Even if it's a doe, it'll be heavier than whatever the Staggering Goats find."
"Does evidence that deer reside in this area exist?" Cath asked.
"Haven't seen any yet. Hence why I said 'if we get lucky'," Jed informed her.
"Well, let's get to work setting that trap," Cath decided.
"Mm. Let's find you a sturdy branch so you can help dig a hole," Jed decided. He pulled a small multi-tool out of his pocket. "Actually... you can use this. I'll find a branch."
He handed the tool to Cath. As he did so, their fingers touched, and Jed swallowed a lump in his throat, avoiding eye contact. He turned around and began searching.
Confessional:
Cath: Once again, Jed continues to be my most reliable teammate. I suppose this challenge in particular is well-suited to his skillset, but I suspect that many challenges will fall under that qualification. What he lacks in strategic initiative, he more than makes up for in other areas.
Jed: ...Can't stop thinking about what Keanna said. Don't know why. Not like girls haven't had feelings for me before. (He clears his throat.) Doesn't matter.
Joshua grumbled to himself as he looked around the plateau for animals to capture.
"Stupid Debbie and her stupid flowers and her stupid need to be different..." he huffed. "And stupid mountain without any stupid animals I can see!"
Just then, a rabbit bounded past Joshua, almost faster than he could see.
"Hey, what the-?" Joshua reacted. "Get back here!"
He chased intently after the small creature, which continued to evade him as it bolted over rocks and branches. With his eyes locked on the rabbit, Joshua didn't look in front of him, and he cried out in pain as he collided with something, sending him to the ground.
"Fuck!" Joshua cursed. "What the hell...?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Keanna tutted, also reeling on the ground. "I was just standing here minding my own business when you came crashing into me. I know I'm a catch, but come on."
"Oh come off it," Joshua grunted. "You saw that rabbit run past!"
"As much fun as it would be to pretend like I didn't, I guess I did see a rabbit," Keanna confirmed. "There's no way in hell I'm catching that thing, though. And it's not because I'm slow, I'll tell you that much."
"What, so you think I can't?" Joshua scoffed.
"Absolutely not?" Keanna blinked. "You know how fast rabbits are. That's just not happening."
"Oh yeah? Watch me!" Joshua insisted. He searched around the area. "Where'd the rabbit go?"
"Don't know. I'm watching you, like you asked," Keanna smiled.
"Dohhhhhhh!" Joshua seethed. "Fine! Be like that! I'm going to win the challenge!"
He ran past Keanna, who watched him desperately search for the rabbit.
"Let me know if it has any friends. I could also stand to help my team out, too," Keanna smiled.
Confessional:
Joshua: Am I insane? Am I losing my mind? Why is everyone in this game going out of their way to make things difficult?!
Keanna: If these guys want to rush headfirst into danger, then that's their prerogative. Their amusing prerogative that I can enjoy watching from afar. I'll be honest, the only reason I didn't sit this one out is because Nico would have somehow been less useful. I'm not an animal person.
Hye-Jin emerged from the pond, sulking as she came up empty-handed.
"We might need to consider a different strategy, here," Ramsay contributed.
"Okay, what's your idea?" Hye-Jin huffed.
Ramsay took off his jacket and inspected the pond. "We might be able to use this as a makeshift net. I'd suggest you use your shirt, too, but-"
Hye-Jin already began taking her shirt off. "What? Are you not comfortable with that? Because I'm not comfortable wearing wet clothes!"
Ramsay sighed. "I won't look."
"Yeah, yeah, just because I'm small, I can't be worth looking at. I've heard it all before!" Hye-Jin complained.
"Those are your words, not mine," Ramsay established, not looking directly at her.
He laid his jacket in the pond near where some fish converged. He felt Hye-Jin hand him her shirt, and he reluctantly placed it next to his jacket.
"Anyway, while we wait, we should touch base on where things stand with the team," Ramsay established, eyes focused on the pond.
"Can we not work with Nico please?" Hye-Jin asked. "We can get Keanna to flip somehow, right?"
"Believe me, I tried," Ramsay told her. "Keanna's sticking with Jed and Cath. If we want any shot, it's going to have to be Nico and Stewart."
"Ugh, that's so lame!" Hye-Jin objected. "I mean, I'll do it, but only because I don't like Jed or Cath. That's twice as many as just not liking Nico."
"Glad to hear I can trust you," Ramsay remarked.
"Oh, come on, don't be like that," Hye-Jin giggled. "We're good! Like those frogs that let other frogs ride on their backs! Except without the mating part. Haha, unless..."
"What? No!" Ramsay objected. "Let's just focus on the challenge."
"You're no fun," Hye-Jin pouted.
"If I wanted to have fun, I'd have stayed home," Ramsay claimed. "I'm here to win a million dollars."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," Hye-Jin responded.
Confessional:
Hye-Jin: If we're going to play a game, then I'm going to have fun, darn it! Ramsay and I are friends, but he cares way too much about strategy. Like, come on! We're totally safe! Four against three, like, what else do you need?!
Ramsay: I get the sense the others understand how important it is to keep every factor in mind. A film isn't just about filming, it's about the actors, the soundtrack, the foley, the pacing... hell, even filming has a ton of aspects to consider. I'm just making sure my shot at Total Drama goes smoothly, okay?!
Tomas and Wilhelmina backed up as the snake approached them.
"Hey now! You'd better, uh, quit it... bub!" Wilhelmina attempted.
"Heh, never took a tough girl like you to be afraid of snakes," Tomas joked.
"I can wrangle livestock for days, but there ain't nothin' your muscles can do to deal with a lil' poisonous varmint!" Wilhelmina cringed.
"Actually-"
"I know it's venomous!" Wilhelmina interrupted.
"...I was going to say that I don't think this one bites," Tomas said.
"Huh?" Wilhelmina blinked.
"Its teeth are hella small," Tomas noticed. "Besides, would the show really put us in danger of that kind of thing?"
"I ain't fixin' to find out," Wilhelmina admitted.
Tomas approached the snake and grabbed it by the neck. Wilhelmina shrieked in fear.
"Tomas, what the heck are you doin'?!" she cried.
"This is how you deal with snakes, right?" Tomas figured. "It can't bite you like this. Unless I bring it close to you. ...Like this!"
Wilhelmina shrieked again, only to notice Tomas jerked the snake away from her instead of towards.
"You're so mean!" Wilhelmina laughed.
"That's me, Mean Tom," Tomas chuckled. "Like how you're Big Mina."
"I... what?" Wilhelmina asked.
"Yeah, Big Mina, like what Joshua calls you," Tomas explained.
"This is the first I've heard of it," Wilhelmina admitted.
"Really?" Tomas asked. "I just assumed you knew, since he... Weird. Who comes up with a nickname for someone behind their back?"
"Reckon Joshua's a few straws short of a hay bale," Wilhelmina giggled.
"Come on, let's head back to the altar," Tomas offered.
"Can you at least kill that thing first?" Wilhelmina asked as she gestured to the wriggling creature in Tomas's hand.
"I, uh..." Tomas looked at the snake. "You'd know how better than I would, Big Animal Wrangler Mina."
Wilhelmina punched his arm. "You really are Mean Tom."
Confessional:
Wilhelmina: I mean... I don't hate 'Big Mina', but I wish Joshua woulda asked me before he just started callin' me that! (She takes a deep breath.) Whoo! Our ranch is as snake-proof as it comes, so I haven't had to deal with one'a them in a while. Still kinda shaken about all that.
Tomas: Yeah, so living a largely suburban lifestyle isn't exactly conducive to killing animals and stuff. Go figure. I ended up doing it for the sake of the challenge, but I didn't like it. And then I started wondering if snake really does taste like chicken, and that didn't exactly help, but then Mina started making jokes about me holding a limp noodle, and that turned things around.
Debbie remained at the field, continually picking flowers.
"If flowers were animals, what sort would they be?" Debbie wondered aloud. "Birds? Bugs? Reptiles somehow? I hope this concept is bizarre enough for the others. Unless... they've already considered such a thing."
She inspected a flower closely. It did not reveal the answers she sought.
"Hmm..." Debbie hummed.
Just then, a rabbit bounded up to her, looking up curiously.
"Hello. As an animal, what in your professional opinion is the closest animal to a flower?" Debbie asked.
The rabbit twitched its nose.
"Wait, are we not all animals?" Debbie realized. "What truly is an animal, anyway? Could this be the key to victory after all?"
The rabbit hopped away.
Confessional:
Debbie: I realize there isn't much I can do in these challenges, but I will do what I can. Last time, things didn't turn out how I'd hoped, but maybe doing something truly bizarre will pay off here.
Barney and Morgan continued their search amongst the trees. Neither said a word for a while as they scoured the area for animals. Ultimately, Barney broke the silence.
"Anything to report, dear Morgan?" he inquired.
"Nope," Morgan responded.
...
"Well, as I always say, if a problem needs solving, simply consider what hasn't been tried yet," Barney claimed.
"There's a lot of things we haven't tried yet," Morgan pointed out.
"Then we'd better start sooner than later, don't you agree?" Barney chortled.
"Have anything specific in mind?" Morgan groaned.
"Well, rather than go on what may literally be a wild goose chase, what say we inspire the animals to come to us?" Barney suggested.
"Mm?" Morgan acknowledged.
"Now, what do animals like?" Barney led.
"Just tell me what your plan is," Morgan sighed.
"What sort of teammate would I be if I didn't allow my compatriots to contribute?" Barney asked.
Morgan sighed again.
"Oh, fine, if you won't be a sport, then I shall have to give away the answer," Barney decided. "Food, of course!"
"Do you have food with you?" Morgan asked.
"As it so happens, I kept one of this morning's half-thawed waffles just in case we may need a disk-shaped projectile of some sort," Barney revealed as he took the waffle out of his vest pocket.
"Ew," Morgan winced.
"Recoil all you wish, my dear, but we'll see who has the last laugh when I win the challenge for our team!" Barney proclaimed.
He set the waffle down on a pile of leaves.
"Now... we wait in hiding," Barney said as he retreated into a nearby bush.
Morgan reluctantly followed.
Confessional:
Barney: They've given us quite the puzzle, this challenge. But if there's one thing a steampunk loves, it's a puzzle, my friends! And the beauty of such things is that the answer may not be immediately obvious. Let us see if I've discovered it, shall we?
Morgan: Look, as nonsensical as Barney's idea was... I can't honestly say I had any better ideas. At least we're trying something.
Cath and Jed finished digging their trap hole.
"There. Should be enough," Jed determined.
He took off his jacket and placed it over the hole.
"Now we simply disguise the trap and wait, correct?" Cath reasoned.
Jed placed loose dirt, fallen leaves, twigs, and pinecones over his jacket. "This'll be a reliable way to catch something."
"Assuming we haven't already thoroughly scared off what creatures there may be," Cath commented.
"Only one way to find out," Jed claimed as he headed back to hide behind the bush.
Cath followed him, and the two crouched in wait.
"...This hardly seems like it will-"
Cath cut her observation short when three squirrels all ran over the trap at the same time, capturing them all.
"...I see," Cath relented. "I should have known better than to doubt your expertise. 98 points."
Jed cleared his throat. "You wanna help, uh, incapacitate them?"
"Again, it may be best to leave such things to someone with expertise," Cath grimaced.
"Mm," Jed hummed.
"What?" Cath asked indignantly.
"Woulda thought a tutor'd be interested in learning," Jed said.
"I am interested in academic pursuits. Not how to kill squirrels!" Cath winced.
"Mm..." Jed hummed again.
"Don't judge me!" Cath accused.
"...Sorry," Jed responded.
"Just... do what you have to do," Cath sighed as she walked away.
Confessional:
Cath: Of course, I've always been aware that this game would not necessarily end without its share of scrapes and dirt. However, I can't imagine many would agree that hunting animals is of particular ease for the uninitiated. I will not be blamed for passing the duty on to someone who knows what he's doing.
Jed: Hm. Didn't think Cath would be so squeamish.
Joshua continued chasing after the rabbit, despite having already lost sight of it.
"Come on, give me a break!" he shouted in frustration.
He came across a cave opening near the edge of the mountain.
"I mean, do rabbits like caves?" Joshua asked himself. "Eh, I'm sure something does. Might as well check it out."
He ventured into the cave, keeping an eye out for animals.
"What animals do live in caves, actually?" Joshua wondered aloud. "Bats? Bears, I guess. Doesn't matter. I'm finding one!"
A powerful roar shook through the entire cave, catching Joshua off guard and causing him to stumble backwards.
"What the?!" Joshua reacted. "Shoot, I gotta get outta here!"
He skedaddled out of the cave as quickly as he could. Just as Joshua left, Stewart came flying backwards and landed on his back. He got back up, rolled up his sleeves, pretended to spit on his hands, rubbed them together, put up his dukes, and walked back towards whatever had knocked him back to begin with.
Confessional:
Joshua: Look, I'm trying to win the challenge, not get myself killed! There's taking risks, and then there's just being dumb, and my team's got enough dumb to last a lifetime already. Whatever the hell made that noise, it just wasn't worth it.
Ramsay and Hye-Jin gazed over the pond, waiting for their chance to catch the fish within.
"You think you can do it?" Hye-Jin asked.
"We're going to have to, if we want to win," Ramsay figured.
"As if Jed isn't going to catch an entire jackalope or something," Hye-Jin huffed.
"True," Ramsay chuckled. "But we might as well do our part."
"Can we do our part faster?" Hye-Jin whined. "I'm getting cold!"
"Well, you shouldn't have taken off your shirt and immediately tossed it into the pond," Ramsay mentioned.
"Ah! I was casting a wider net!" Hye-Jin insisted.
"In a spring?" Ramsay questioned.
"Do you want to win the challenge or not?" Hye-Jin argued.
"I'm the one who should be asking you that!" Ramsay argued back.
"What do you mean?!" Hye-Jin shouted.
"You're the one trying to rush me," Ramsay explained.
"Well, I haven't seen any results yet!" Hye-Jin told him.
Ramsay pulled his jacket out of the pond, catching a couple of fish.
"There. Results," Ramsay said.
"And you wouldn't have had them if I hadn't told you to hurry up," Hye-Jin claimed.
Ramsay sighed. "Maybe. We really shouldn't argue about petty things like that to begin with. We're supposed to be on the same side."
"Do you think fish count as animals?" Hye-Jin asked.
"What did I just say?" Ramsay groaned.
"Because there's a whole group of vegetarians who still think fish are okay to eat," Hye-Jin continued. "I think it's because fish are dumb and ugly. Frogs, on the other hand, lots of people won't eat them, even if they don't have dietary restrictions. That's because frogs are universally beloved by all."
Ramsay sighed.
Confessional:
Ramsay: Contrary to how things appeared at the challenge, I do like Hye-Jin. She's just... a lot, you know? Maybe she was right this time about being a little more proactive, but it's generally important to make sure everything is running smoothly before taking action. That's where the disconnect lies.
Hye-Jin: I mean, why do you think everyone makes fun of the French so much? Because they eat frog legs! Frog legs! Not even the entire frog! If you're going to commit crimes against the animal kingdom, at least commit! How many frogs do you think the French have poached entirely for their legs and that's it?! What a waste!
Tomas and Wilhelmina returned to the landing area to place their dead snake upon the Staggering Goats' altar. There they saw Debbie arranging flowers upon the red altar, while Keanna stood and watched.
"What is she doing?" Tomas murmured.
"Debbie!" Wilhelmina called. "You find somethin'?"
"Hm?" Debbie turned her attention to her teammates. "I've cracked the code. For you see, all life stems from one common ancestor, no?"
"What, God?" Wilhelmina asked.
"Not in this scenario. In this scenario, the only gods that exist are the Cree ones we're supposed to be appeasing," Debbie explained. "If we assume that this means there is no intelligent design in the universe, then the differentiation between plants and animals is entirely arbitrary and irrelevant. What good does it do us to segregate living beings into kingdoms like 'animal' or 'plant'? Do flowers not grow? Reproduce? React to stimuli? How are they any different from you or me?"
"They don't... eat?" Tomas answered.
"Nonsense. Photosynthesis is simply a way of eating that differs from many animals, but not all," Debbie continued. "Some animals are filter feeders. Do we not call them animals? Is plant tissue not just meat under a different color? The gods must understand."
"Well, I'm glad they do, 'cause I sure don't," Wilhelmina admitted.
"And you're just standing here watching her?" Tomas asked Keanna.
"My teammate I was looking around with wanted to do some dumb reckless stuff," Keanna explained. "I wasn't about to get mixed up in all that. Besides, our team has a straight-up hunter, so I'm not worried about our chances. Also, this girl's hilarious."
"I appreciate that," Debbie said emotionlessly.
Confessional:
Wilhelmina: As a rancher, hearin' Debbie try convincin' me that flowers are animals was borderline sacrilege! On top of all the other things she said which was not borderline... But if Topher's willin' to buy it, then I ain't gonna say anything 'bout it.
Keanna: Should I have gone back to help Stewart? Probably. Is it his own fault that he didn't run away at the first sign of actual danger? Probably. Will this lead to long-term ramifications? Almost certainly. Do I regret my decision? ...Eh? We'll see. I'm still hardly in the worst position on my team. I can get away with one.
As Barney and Morgan stood in wait for Barney's waffle lure to work, Topher's voice sounded throughout the plateau.
"Attention, contestants! Time is running short!" he proclaimed. "If you haven't dropped your sacrifice off at your team's altar, now is the time to do so!"
"I see." Morgan headed off.
"Morgan, my dear! Wherever are you going?" Barney called.
"This clearly isn't working. It's time to head back," Morgan explained.
"Patience is a virtue," Barney tutted.
"I've been patient," Morgan said, not looking back.
...
"Oh, alright," Barney relented, following her.
As soon as the two left their lure behind, several deer arrived and began eating the waffle.
"Incidentally, when I said that Debbie had a target on her back, I spoke only the truth," Barney mentioned.
"Mhm," Morgan acknowledged.
"I'm warning you because I realize what position in which that may leave the both of us," he added. "Should the others successfully oust the poor girl, that leaves the two of us on the bottom."
"Mhm," Morgan acknowledged.
"And though three votes is half the team, that's still quite the prrrecarious position to plug into," Barney stated. "I, for one, do not wish to leave my fate up to chance. I can't imagine you do, either."
"I'll think about it," Morgan said dismissively.
"You'd do well to," Barney said, twirling his mustache. "Every action has its consequences. Did you happen to see Oppenheimer?"
...
"Great film, one of Nolan's best," Barney claimed.
"Mhm," Morgan acknowledged.
Confessional:
Morgan: There's no way in hell I'm letting Barney believe for a second that he's getting to me! Even if he totally is! Because... yeah, if Debbie's latched herself onto me, and everyone's noticed, then... yeah! (She rubs her temples.) How are things already getting so complicated?!
Barney: Hohoho, now if anything will drrrive a wedge in the majority, it's the ticking time bomb that is our dearest Debbie. Morgan may be too proud to admit it, but I believe she realizes that I am right. Someday, she'll understand that I always am, but that will happen... in time. (He looks at his pocket watch.)
Topher stood in between the two altars, waiting patiently for the contestants to place their bounty on the altars. Debbie, Tomas, Wilhelmina, and Keanna stood close by.
"Ope! There's my team!" Keanna called out.
Jed and Cath ran up to the Frosty Eagles' altar; the former held his jacket like a sack. Upon arrival, he placed three incapacitated squirrels upon his team's altar.
"Jed with a solid catch!" Topher announced.
"Keanna. Where is Stewart?" Cath asked.
"Oh, we got separated along the way," Keanna answered.
"And it didn't occur to you to look for him?" Cath pressed.
"Nope," Keanna smiled.
As Joshua returned to the scene, his face twisted when he saw the Staggering Goats' altar with a pile of flowers on top. "What the?!" He ran up to the altar and began swatting the flowers away.
"Joshua, that seems very counterproductive to the object of the challenge," Debbie claimed.
"I'm being counterproductive?!" Joshua snapped. "Topher said it had to be animals! Flowers are not animals - you're going to get us disqualified!"
"Flowers may not be animals to the conventional wisdom you or I may be familiar with," Debbie conceded. "However, consider the following-"
"No! You consider the following!" Joshua objected. "Your weird hyperfixation with being quirky and subversive is holding the team back! The only reason you're still here instead of Nelly is because Nelly was more actively annoying! I couldn't give a flying shit how insecure you are or whatever you said it was! If you cost my team another challenge, that's it for you!"
"Whoa there, slow your roll bucko," Wilhelmina stepped in. "Debbie ain't tryin' to sabotage us or whatever it is you think she's up to. She's tryin' her best."
"And her best still sucks!" Joshua insisted. "Somebody has to say it, or she's just going to keep getting away with it!"
"Well ya don't hafta be mean about it," Wilhelmina scolded. "Topher, would we be disqualified if we had flowers in our offering?"
"The rule was that your offering must consist entirely of local fauna," Topher repeated. "If it doesn't, then you don't qualify for the challenge's win condition."
"See? I'm right!" Joshua maintained. He turned to Debbie. "Just get lost and don't make the challenge any worse for us!"
Debbie looked to the ground and nodded. She walked away.
Confessional:
Cath: Though Keanna has proven trustworthy up to this point, her complacency in today's challenge has been noted. How this will affect her overall score is to be determined, but it will dock no fewer than 15 points.
Tomas: I just don't get what Joshua's so stressed out about, man. Sure, I don't want to lose either, but it seemed like a pretty easy fix. And even if we did lose, we still have a majority over Debbie and Barney, I'm pretty sure. (He shrugs.)
Ramsay and Hye-Jin arrived at the altars with the fish they'd caught in hand. The two wore their jacket and shirt respectively, neither of which had dried out.
"Why are you two wet?" Cath asked.
Ramsay held his fish up higher and looked at Cath expectantly.
"Ramsay told me I couldn't come back without my shirt on no matter how cold I got," Hye-Jin mentioned. "Because we live in a regressive society where not all body types are beautiful, and liking frogs is apparently a sign of immaturity even though everyone loves frogs!"
"Those were my exact words," Ramsay said.
"I have yet to meet a single person who doesn't love frogs, by the way!" Hye-Jin ranted. "And even if they say they do, I know deep down what they feel in their heart of hearts!""
The two placed their fish on the Frosty Eagles' altar.
"Frosty Eagles look like they're pulling ahead, but maybe Barney and Morgan can catch things up!" Topher announced.
"We have to burn our sacrifice, right?" Cath mentioned. "Will fish burn?"
"Clearly you've never tried my brother's cooking," Ramsay remarked.
Barney and Morgan arrived empty-handed.
"There's no way Big Mina and I are the only ones who caught something," Tomas gulped.
"Believe you me, my good man, Morgan and I tried our absolute damnedest, we did," Barney claimed. "Alas, they do not call it a 'challenge' for nothing, it seems."
Morgan looked back and forth at both teams' altars.
"Time's almost up," Topher announced from his drone. "And it seems like the only one who hasn't checked back in is Stewart."
As if on cue, Stewart arrived on scene, dragging an unconscious purple ape creature by the wrist. Once he was close enough, he flung the sasquatch over his shoulder and onto the Frosty Eagles' altar. He proudly placed his fists on his hips.
Everyone else stared in silent awe, disbelief, or fury. Topher just laughed.
"Holy crap! I didn't think anyone would actually-" he cut himself off, laughing some more. "Let's, let's see how much each side weighs, shall we?"
Panels on each of the altar, lowered, revealing a screen display.
"The Staggering Goats' sacrifice comes down to..." Topher built up. The screen showed 0.5 kg. "Half a kilogram! Let's see if the Frosty Eagles can top that!"
"Screw you," Joshua growled.
"The Frosty Eagles' sacrifice comes down to..." Topher ignored. The screen flickered, unable to properly display anything.. "So heavy I think the scale broke! Haha, yeah, the Frosty Eagles win!"
Hye-Jin, Keanna, and Ramsay all cheered. Stewart pretended to brush dust off his shoulder. Cath and Jed looked at each other and shrugged.
"Which means the Staggering Goats will vote out another one of their own tonight," Topher said. "Have fun deciding who that's going to be!"
The Staggering Goats did not look like they were about to have fun.
Confessional:
Keanna: I'll be honest, I wasn't entirely expecting Stewart to pull that off. I figured even he has to know when to fold 'em, right? It's kind of hard seeing him as an entire person when he doesn't talk, wears face paint, and acts like a literal clown. But hey, he did work out there, I've got to give it up for that.
Stewart: (He sits back and pretends to smoke a victory cigarette. He looks off into the distance with the satisfied smile of a job well done.)
As the helicopter flew away from the mountain, the contestants watched their altars burning from outside the copter windows.
Confessional:
Wilhelmina: It sure does stink knowin' I had to deal with an ornery ol' snake, and we still lost anyways! Stinks even more knowin' we're gonna hafta vote someone out again. All the plottin' n' schemin' just hurts our synergy more n' more. (She sighs.) I shoulda done better in that challenge.
Barney: What is the most satisfying part of building a machine? Why, seeing it run prrrecisely as intended for the very first time. And that is how I foresee tonight going. I've set my team up to realize that I am hardly the biggest priority target... (He examines his pocket watch.) ...and now it is time to solidify that fact.
The Staggering Goats sat at their table in the mess hall for a mediocre dinner. Nobody said a word as they focused on consuming their cold mashed potatoes.
"I'm sorry, but I need to maintain peace of mind," Debbie spoke up. "My ongoing mission to break free from the shackles of normality has offered diminishing returns. Even when I think I've found a truly bizarre avenue, I'm met with resistance and vitriol. Would it be out of line for me to ask what I'm doing wrong? How I can become weird without such negative feedback?"
"Trying to be a weirdo is what you're doing wrong," Joshua grunted.
"It ain't that necessarily," Wilhelmina frowned. "If Debbie wants to have some fun, I don't see anythin' wrong with that."
"But it's an active detriment in challenges," Joshua pointed out.
"Nobody on this team contributed to the challenge but Tomas and Wilhelmina," Morgan claimed.
"Debbie tried actively sabotaging us with her stupid flower idea!" Joshua argued.
"I offered an alternative avenue which may have provided us with a higher score than we had earned," Debbie claimed.
"And it wouldn't have worked!" Joshua argued.
"Look, we lost as a team," Tomas interrupted. "The six of us went into the challenge, did what we could, and just didn't match up. It happens."
"Well, the team's going to lose someone tonight," Joshua claimed. "And I think we all know who's holding us back the most. Since Debbie asked, I'm telling her what's up."
"All you've told me is that I'm the reason we've lost the challenges we've lost," Debbie frowned. "I've tried grasping that logic, but even someone as normal as I am can't see how that's the case."
"Are you joking?!" Joshua scoffed.
"No, though I should look into joking more," Debbie answered. "In the last challenge, I recall Nelly, Tomas, and Wilhelmina making notable blunders which cost us time. And in today's challenge, as previously stated, Barney, Joshua, and Morgan all contributed as little as I did."
"And who's the only commonality?" Joshua questioned. "That's right: you. You and your refusal to do the challenges properly."
"But if you look at it another way: everyone on the team has struggled with at least one challenge," Debbie posited.
Joshua threw his hands up. "I'm done trying to reason with you. I'll be happy to send you home tonight."
Debbie sighed. "I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong..."
Barney smiled to himself as he ate his dinner.
Confessional:
Debbie: I feel as though Joshua didn't seek to provide actual feedback for me. His claims that he only grows upset with me due to my challenge performance is inconsistent with the others' failures in the challenges and his lack of disdain towards them. The logical conclusion is that he holds a grudge towards me for reasons yet unstated. Likely because I'm too normal for him. And yet, he provided no feedback on how to fix this, either. ...It's frustrating, to say the least.
Joshua: It's like anytime I try to say anything to Debbie, she hears something that has nothing to do with what we're talking about! And then she has the audacity to act like I'm the one who's talking nonsense! Well, I'm not putting up with it anymore. I've got the majority, and she doesn't.
Morgan, Tomas, and Wilhelmina met up after dinner.
"Man, this just puts us in a weird position," Tomas admitted.
"I'll say," Wilhelmina agreed.
"How so?" Morgan questioned.
"What do you mean?" Tomas blinked. "You saw how rude Joshua's been to Debbie. You're friends with Debbie, right?"
"I think that's what she means," Wilhelmina concluded. "It ain't a question no more: Joshua's gotta go."
"Hm?!" Morgan reacted. She cleared her throat. "Let's not be hasty. Joshua's not wrong that Debbie has held the team back in both challenges."
"Yeah, but Debbie's right that we've all messed up here n' there," Wilhelmina brought up.
"For what it's worth, I'm not friends with Debbie," Morgan claimed. "I'm loyal to our alliance first and foremost. That includes Joshua."
"Well, I don't think Joshua should be in the alliance no more," Wilhelmina frowned. "I wanna work with folks I can get along with. Folks who're cool n' fun. I don't think ol' Josh is either of those things."
"And there's nothing wrong with being friends with Debbie," Tomas figured. "I mean, yeah, she's kind of awkward, but she seems like a nice person at least."
"Ooh! Ooh!" Wilhelmina's eyes lit up. "If you're worried about keepin' the alliance at four people, we could always just vote out Josh n' let Debbie join us instead!"
"Hey, yeah, that makes sense," Tomas nodded. "Good thinking, Big Mina."
"That's awful nice of you, Mean Tom," Wilhelmina giggled.
Morgan's fists clenched as the two shared friendly shoulder-shakes.
Confessional:
Morgan: Are you kidding me?! These two want to backstab our physically strongest member?! And replace him with Debbie?! God, I messed up so bad sticking up for her last night. Oh, and don't think I haven't noticed the nicknames and friendly gestures. Those two are going to be dangerous. But I can't just discard my alliance, like they're so keen on doing apparently! Ahhhhhh!
Tomas: I said before that I don't want to play a passive game, and this seems like a pretty good chance to prove that. There's no way Joshua should be able to get away with bringing team morale down like he has been, and even though Morgan's worried about breaking the status quo, I think she'll appreciate keeping Debbie around. It's a good plan, I think.
Morgan met up with Barney behind the mess hall.
"Alright. You got your way Debbie and Joshua are duking it out," Morgan said impatiently. "I need to know where the majority is leaning, so what are you thinking?"
"My my, this isn't like the cool, calm, collected young woman I thought I knew," Barney snickered.
"Cut the crap, Barney!" Morgan panicked. "Will you vote for Debbie?!"
"It's an enticing option," Barney claimed, twirling his mustache. "Am I to assume that Tomas and Wilhelmina are on board with it?"
...
"Hohoho! Or should I assume otherwise?" Barney chortled. "How trrruly fascinating."
"Debbie has to go. No two ways about it," Morgan insisted.
"Ah, but consider," Barney told her. "If I were to vote for Debbie alongside you and Joshua, and Tomas and Wilhelmina did not, would that not likely result in a tie?"
"...Not if I can get Debbie to vote for someone else," Morgan determined.
"Myself, I presume?" Barney guessed.
"You've already made a target of yourself. It'd make sense," Morgan rationalized.
"Perhaps, but consider that Debbie prefers that which does not make sense," Barney mentioned.
"I don't know! I'm just trying to figure out what to do about this crazy team!" Morgan cried.
"Hey, is everything okay back here?" Nico asked.
"It's none of your business, my good housecat," Barney claimed. "Shoo, shoo!"
"Nyahhhhhhhhh," Nico groaned as he left the two alone.
Once he was out of earshot, Barney turned back to Morgan.
"The decision tonight is just as much yours as it is mine," Barney claimed. "Do keep me informed on how Debbie may vote."
Morgan sighed underneath her face mask.
Confessional:
Barney: A machine is made up of many parts working in tandem. Should one of those parts malfunction, it will affect the entire rest of the machine, and other parts may malfunction as well. See where I'm going with this? (He twirls his mustache.) The Staggering Goats are naught but a merrily malfunctioning machine, my magnificent magnum opus. May it continue to stumble and stagger.
Later that evening, Morgan met up with Joshua at the mountain path.
"Alright, don't freak out," Morgan prefaced. "Tomas and Wilhelmina are thinking of voting for you."
"WHAT?!" Joshua freaked out.
"I talked to Barney, and he said he'd vote for Debbie if I can convince her to cast a stray vote," Morgan continued. "I'm going to tell her the vote is Barney. I want you to corroborate that, so she feels safe in doing it."
"You think that little moron listens to a single word I have to say?" Joshua scoffed. "If I tell her that, she'll somehow come to the conclusion I'm voting for you."
"I don't know what to tell you," Morgan said, throwing her hands up. "Your attitude has soured Tomas and Wilhelmina on you, and this is the only way we can work past that and get rid of Debbie."
"You're shitting me," Joshua grunted. "Frankly, I don't get how anyone can deal with Debbie without losing their patience. Who do Tomas and Wilhelmina think they are?!"
"I'm not happy with it either, believe me," Morgan groaned.
"So much for you being able to work with Debbie's trust," Joshua accused.
"I know, I know," Morgan conceded.
"What's going on here?" a voice asked.
The two turned to see Debbie standing before them.
"I've been looking for you, Morgan," Debbie said. "I wish to know what your plan is for tonight's vote."
Morgan looked at Joshua, then back at Debbie. "Actually, I was just talking to Joshua about the possibility of a Barney vote."
"Barney, huh?" Debbie asked.
Tense silence lingered as Debbie digested this information.
Confessional:
Joshua: I can't believe my alliance would turn on me, just like that. For what, calling out an anchor on our team for being an anchor?! And now my fate is in Debbie's hands? It's like my entire team is in a competition to see who can piss me off the most. And it's a tough race!
Debbie: Morgan told the others last night that she didn't want to vote for me. That may be the reason I'm here tonight. I know I can trust Morgan. However, I hold significantly less trust in Joshua. I'm hesitant to believe he would vote for Barney over me, considering his prior stance. It's a conundrum, to be sure.
Night fell over Mamahtawiyiniw Peaks. The Staggering Wolves took a seat on the stumps in front of the bonfire. One stump lay empty. Another would be empty before the night was over.
Topher stood before the six, hands behind his back.
"Welcome back to elimination, Staggering Goats!" Topher greeted. "Tomas, with Nelly's elimination last night, people made their stances clear. Did that affect your team's dynamics or synergy?"
"Aw, of course," Tomas confirmed. "It's one thing to talk about how you might vote. It's another thing to actually cast your vote. Casting your vote has consequences, good and bad, and that's always something you've gotta consider, especially going into the next vote."
"Joshua, what consequences have you felt from you guys' last vote?" Topher wondered.
"It's less about who was voted out, and more about who wasn't," Joshua claimed. "Maybe the grass is always greener, but I've been getting the sense that Debbie might be even more of a detriment to this team than Nelly was."
"Debbie, he just called you out point-blank," Topher chuckled. "Any response to that?"
"I've asked more than once what I'm doing wrong," Debbie claimed. "As far as I can tell, Joshua's disdain for me is not something I can fix with my actions."
"Your actions have done more than enough to justify the things I've said," Joshua claimed. "I'm not wrong, no matter how 'mean' the others might think I am."
Wilhelmina gulped at this.
"Wilhelmina, that got a reaction from you," Topher noted.
"Did it? Coulda fooled me!" Wilhelmina chuckled nervously.
"Well, then let's move on to a different topic," Topher suggested. "After tonight, your team will be down two members. Does that play a part in your strategy?"
"Of course!" Wilhelmina agreed. "It's important to keep the team strong, but it's also important to keep the team happy! I think those're both important factors in challenge performance, n' that's how I'm basin' my vote tonight."
"Morgan, what's more important? Keeping the team strong, or keeping the team happy?" Topher questioned.
"The idea is to win challenges," Morgan said. "So staying strong is more important. The more we win, the happier we'll be."
"But hey, that can work in reverse, too," Tomas figured. "The happier we are, the more we'll win."
"Voting for Debbie will accomplish both. Just saying," Joshua mentioned.
"Barney, it looks like lines are pretty clearly drawn for tonight," Topher said. "But when the lines look clear, that just opens up the opportunity to color outside the lines."
"Hohoho, a clever analogy, my good man," Barney complimented. "And I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't considered it. Though sometimes, lines may be drawn for a reason. A contraption won't contrap without some solid schematics."
"I think that's a good note to head into the first vote on," Topher grinned. "Wilhelmina, you're up first."
"Alright!" Wilhelmina cheered as she stood up and headed to the confessional booth.
After all contestants voted, Topher revealed a tray of five marshmallows.
"I've only got five marshmallows to pass out tonight," Topher said. "If you get a marshmallow, it means you're safe. If you don't... the Slope of Losers awaits."
Everyone sat anxiously for the results to be announced.
"The first marshmallow goes to... Tomas!"
"Nice," Tomas grinned as he caught his marshmallow.
"Morgan!"
Morgan nodded as she caught her marshmallow.
"Wilhelmina!"
"Wooooo!" Wilhelmina cheered as she caught hers.
"Barney!"
"Excellent," Barney grinned. He held his hat out to catch his marshmallow.
Debbie and Joshua looked expectantly at Topher for his final call.
"The last marshmallow goes to..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Debbie!"
"Yay," Debbie smiled as she caught her marshmallow.
Joshua, meanwhile sat with his mouth agape.
"I cannot believe this shit," he scoffed. "You know what? Fine! There's clearly no reasoning with you idiots anyway! I was doomed from the start!"
"Joshua, you are out of the game, but we do have some good news," Topher said.
He snapped his fingers, and an intern brought Joshua's surfboard.
"We felt bad that you almost lost your surfboard, so we all agreed you can use that instead of the Skis of Shame," Topher smiled.
"That'll mess it up! I already said that!" Joshua argued.
"Ah, right," Topher recalled. "Well, you can use the Skis if you really want. Up to you."
"Tch." Joshua strapped the Skis of Shame to his feet.
When he finished putting on the Skis, and stood back up, Topher pushed him down the Slope of Losers.
"My boooooaaaaaaaaard!" Joshua shouted.
"Oh, right," Topher realized, glancing at the surfboard. "Eh, he'll get it back eventually." He turned to the five remaining Goats. "Maybe you all will bounce back eventually, too. Have a good night!"
As the contestants headed out, Debbie tugged on Morgan's sleeve.
"Thanks for looking out for me," Debbie smiled.
Morgan did not respond.
Confessional:
Debbie: It feels... nice. I don't think anyone I know at home would have gone out of their way to save me in this situation. Maybe my efforts to become weird enough for Total Drama have paid off after all. Perhaps the problem truly did lie with Joshua instead of me. Hm.
Barney: One might find it fascinating, what lengths others will go to in order to maintain whatever illusion of power they chase. That alliance of four had every right to simply eliminate Debbie or myself without issue, but, well, you know what they say about the bigger they are. (He twirls his mustache.)
Topher stood alone by the campfire with a paper cup of tea.
"Two down, and twelve still raring to go," he said. "Will the Staggering Goats get it together now that their sourest apple is out of the bunch? Will the tension on the Frosty Eagles lead to someone snapping? And of course, who will be the next to fall down the Slope of Losers? Stay tuned, dear viewers! Join us on another exciting excursion, next time, on Total! Drama!"
He took a sip of tea.
"Mountain Party!"
Votes:
Tomas: Yep, I think this is the right move. Even if Joshua wants to work with me, I don't know if I really want to work with him at this point. I vote for Joshua.
Joshua: I swore you'd be the next to go, and I meant it! I vote Debbie!
Wilhelmina: Turnin' things around on Joshua makes a lot of sense! Reckon Debbie would be better to have around, n' she can work with us in his stead! So I vote Joshua!
Debbie: As far as I've heard, there's a bigger push to vote for Joshua than Barney. The part of me who wants to do what's unconventional would go with the Barney vote regardless. But... I think I'm willing to put that aside to get rid of Joshua.
Morgan: I know I've been back and forth on this, but I think it's best for my game if I don't let Debbie weigh me down. I just hope she buys that the Barney vote is happening. But... yeah, I vote for Debbie.
Barney: (He inspects his pocket watch.) Oh, I've nothing clever to say this time. I vote for Joshua. Farewell, you odious, obnoxious oaf!
Frosty Eagles:
Cath - The Judgmental Tutor
Hye-Jin - The Frog Herpetologist
Jed - The Taciturn Hunter
Keanna - The Honest Basketballer
Nico - The Lazy Catboy
Ramsay - The Indie Filmmaker
Stewart - The Mime
Staggering Goats:
Barney - The Treacherous Steampunk
Debbie - The Trying-To-Be-Weird
Morgan - The Faux Badass
Tomas - The Fast Food Aficionado
Wilhelmina - The Optimistic Rancher
13th: Joshua - The Grouchy Surfer
14th: Nelly - The Rebellious Skater
A/N: Joshua was always meant to go home fairly early, so I guess it works out that he was also the least popular person in the cast. All I really needed from him was to be set up as a fairly big player whose downfall would come when his allies got sick of his attitude, and that turned out to be a pretty easy arc to set up and resolve in only three episodes. He was dour and unfun, and that showed itself pretty naturally. Definitely the type who'd be impossible to live with, and while characters like that tend to be fun, there are some who are impossible to deal with as a viewer, too. Whatever the case, there's still plenty of season to go, and Joshua's exit has plenty of implications for his team. I look forward to seeing you next time.