Quick note my dear friend Jim has passed away. I plan to write about his passing either in this chapter or the next. While Im devastated its been 2 years of him suffering and I happy he is finally at peace with Alicia. The pain in my heart is still present but the job must go on. Hug your loved ones while you can. You never when its the end.
"Kim darling its time to wake. We have lots of plans for today." He nudged her gently trying to wake her. "5 more minutes please." Kim groaned as she covered her face. She knew today would be brutal so the extra few minutes were needed in her mind. "Fine but Im excited to see some wild horses!" He settled next to her again holding her close. "Im excited too. But I also know its going to be hard as hell. So Im just trying to savior a few more minutes of peacefulness." Kim snuggled closer if at all possible. "I get that but I think this will be good for us both. So how about you wake up a bit more while I go grab your favorite donut from Wawa. I saw several down here and it seems fitting today." He felt her nod a bit. He hoped like hell this worked. She deserved some closure. Adam got up getting dressed quick. "Dont shower without me." He kissed her as he headed out. He saw her smirking as he left.
He drove to the closest store grabbing some treats and coffees before heading back to the hotel. Kim sat up stretching her body. She barely dressed heading onto the deck. She just needed the water to relax her some. She stared out at the water not knowing how to feel really. She was so entranced that she didnt hear Adam arriving back. He saw her outside glowing bright watching the waves. He could only imagine what she was thinking right now. "Hey Im back." He saw her jump a bit. "Hey sorry was caught up in the water like always. Trying to calm the spinning. I just have no idea how to deal with this. Like how do I tell her everything. What if it doesnt bring me closure? You know its a lot. But Im so thankful you are here to help me with what feels like an impossible task." Kim looked back seeing him understanding her completely. "Well I dont know to answer any of those questions but know I love you and Im here for you always." Adam kissed her joining her on the deck as they ate some breakfast and donuts with their coffees.
As they finished eating Adam helped Kim up bringing her into the shower. They needed to get moving so this was necessary. "Lets focus on the fun for a bit. No need to worry just yet." Adam watched her nod a bit. He washed her body taking great care covering ever inch of skin with soap. He loved washing her body. It was sexy, sensual but also fun for them. "Baby should probably hurry up. I want to see the horses." Kim giggled a bit excited. "Okay well lets get moving then. Im excited to see you happy again." Adam was happy to move the day along. They dressed quick, Kim letting her hair dry naturally. "Ready to go?" Adam asked watching her grab her bags. "Yes let's. I think its only 30 minutes or so from here." Kim pulled up the address as they headed to the car. "Hopefully we see lots of horses today." Adam had never seen wild horses so he was excited. Plus it was a new state and new place to visit with Kim. He really hoped next year they could travel more. He had a list of places he wanted to visit around the world.
Kim drove allowing Adam to look around at the scenery. He was loving the low key beach feel of the area. Though he didnt realize the next beach was even more low key. Kim turned on to some very country back roads. Adam was quite interested in the fact this place was so rural but he was loving that it was an adventure. And an inexpensive adventure. They finally arrived at the beach after less than 40 minutes paying to use the parking site. "Well lets start walking." Adam jumped out right away moving to her. He hugged ger tight before they started the walk to the beach access area. They were both impressed with the public amenities available but they just wanted to get to the water. It was a tough walk over the dune but it was worth it. The smell of the water, the cool breeze, the bright sun shining high. The couple walked by the water allowing the water to run over their feet. "This is beautiful! Im glad we came here." Kim smiled wide swing arms as they went.
The couple bumping hips, laughing and giggling as they went. "This is perfect for us. Thank you bringing me here." He brought her closer holding her tight. "This was a great idea. Glad you agreed to come here with me. It really is beautiful. Too bad there isnt much around here to do. Its very peaceful here. But even we would get bored after a while here." They both laughed knowing it was very true. "We should start heading back. Its a 3 hour ride to Ellicot city." Kim heard Adam groaning. He hated being in the car. It bored him to no end. As they came off the sand they used the bathrooms and cleaned off the sand before jumping in the car again. They headed out driving to the cemetery. Kim was nervous but that was to be expected. She was going to a place she ran from. A place she had no interest in going back to. She drove for a bit before Adam took over in Salisbury. He could tell she shouldnt have been driving.
"Im bummed we didnt see any horses but it was still pretty to look at." Adam was hoping to get her mind off the cemetery. "I agree. But we can always go back. Its not like we will never be east again." Kim shrugged a bit. "So very true. How are you holding up?" Adam asked. "Um not really sure. Im just happy Im not going alone. Its going to be much easier with you by my side." Kim smiled weakly. "Im happy to be here with you. Makes things so much easier. I would be worried if you were here alone. But then again I would never allow that." He smirked at her. "I wouldnt do this without you. No way possible to do this alone. You are my rock." Kim smiled weakly again. So nervous and scared. As they got closer Adam noticed Kims skin turning colors. She looked like she could vomit. He rolled the windows down right away. "Should I pull over?" He asked lookimg towards her. "No I dont think so. I just feel very anxious about this. Having to talk about it all over again. Its not fun. But Im also worried that I will see people I know. Maybe my own sister. Thats scary to me. I dont want to see her at all. Just want that over with. No use rehashing something thats not going to change." Kim smirked a bit over that. "So true. But if we see her we will handle her. Are you going to want to go past your old house?" He asked unsure how that would feel.
"I dont know. I hadnt thought about it at all. I really just wanted to see my grandmother and then move on." Kim stated looking out the windows. "Thats fine. Really. I just wasnt sure how you felt about it." He really wanted to support her no matter what. "Thank you. I appreciate the support. Completely. I dont think I need to see it. It might not even be there. But really its just a building. That I barely remember since I was always in school or at dance classes. I just want closure from it all. And never have to go back. Once my grandmother is moved to Upstate New York Im never coming back to this hell hole. If I could change my birth certificate I would. There is nothing here for me anymore. Not sure there ever was." Kim was still looking out the windows. "We are almost there." He watched her cringe. Neither saw a flower shop to stop and get flowers. But that was okay. "When we get her settled in New York I think Im going to set up weekly flower delivery. To her grave site. What do you think?" She asked lookimg towards him. "I think that is a lovely idea. Im sure she woud appreciate that." He smiled looking over towards her.
"We are here. You ready for this?" He saw her frozen in her seat. "You can take your time. Just not too much since we have a flight but you can take your time." He watched her not moving at all. "How about I walk over to find the stone while you center yourself?" He offered not sure exactly where it was other than a vague description. Kim watched him moving around looking for the right stone. It seemed like forever before he stopped moving. He stood by it for a minute hoping she would get out but she didnt. So he moved towards her. "I know you are scared but you can do this. I will be right next to you. Just take my hand, I got you." Adam opened the door helping her out of the car. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders leading her to the site. He could hear her breathing spike. He stopped them moving in front of the right tombstone.
"We are here. Lets just sit and talk to her. Think of it like its her death bed. Saying all the things you wished you could have said." He watched her nod as she sat down. She was literally shaking like a leaf. Adam sat next her still holding her. "Hey grandmom. Its me Kim. I guess you know that already. I dont even know where to begin. Life was really crazy for a long time. I lived in Europe for 10 years working but I didn't know that the first 4 years. My parents were spending my earned money. I was so poor living over there. I worked odd jobs while working 8 shows a week. It was a rough life. When I got back I found out you were already gone. No one bothered to tell me. I was crushed. It was hard trying to figure out life again. But its been really good lately. My job is great, I have a sponsor ship deal thats going to be great. I have been getting gig work and teaching jobs. But the best part of my life is my husband, Adam who worked to find you and is holding me tight right now." Kim wiped her tears her breathing shuddering.
"He is a cop which I know is funny since I was a wild child but hes good with it. We bought a second house together on a lake. I glow there apparently. We plan on moving you to New York so you can be with your family where you were always meant to be. Im excited to visit the area. The lake looks beautiful and I see your old house is still there. So I plan on checking that out. I feel like I have no connection to my family since they chose to use me. Not truly love me. Its strange not knowing that feeling till I found Adam. It was an instant connection. Its been beautiful. I wish you were here but I understand. It was your time to go. And you are together again. That brings me peace and happiness. Lord knows you lived a long life. I remember you both did charity work. I do a lot of it myself. I love giving back but I feel like its also a connection to you. I think its also why I love cooking and baking so much. I loved baking with you when I was a kid. Some of my best memories." Kim was rambling at this point.
"God I just dont even know what all to say. I know Im rambling but I just have no clue how to do this. To say everything now. How do I tell you 16 years of information in this visit. I wish you could let me know you hear me or see me. I need a sign." Kim broke sobbing over the grave before her. Adam held her the whole time letting her get everything out. They felt a stiff breeze come through in the stale air. "You feel that. She is here. She is listening to you. Just proof she is always with you. You can talk to her any day of the week. Its not only today. Any day, any where she will hear you." Adam held her longer letting the tears flow. "I love you." Kim whispered. Adam wasnt sure who she was talking to. But it was fine either way. It was all about letting her grieve.
Adam looked at his watch. "We have to get moving. But we will see her again. Just in New York." He watched her smile knowing this was the end of the terrible city. "Bye grandmom. I love you so very much. See you in New York." Kim took a deep breath nodding her head that she was ready to go. Again Adam held her tight letting her have her feelings. She needing to have that freedom. "Alright lets get to the airport and back to the lake." Adam helped her in the car then got in driving them to the airport. Inside the airport the couple grabbed food. They were starving and wouldnt get home till 9:30 so they had to eat now. "How are feeling now?" He asked as she had been very quiet since the graveyard. "Um I dont know really. Im all over the place right now. Exhausted thats for certain. I feel like tomorrow it will be better. Just need to rest some." Kim answered as they ate. "How are you doing?" Kim asked unsure how he felt. "Im good. Happy you got all of that out. Happy you think it helped. Lets just get your butt home and get to bed." Adam leaned over to kiss her.
"Home sounds lovely!" Kim sighed happily. "Well lets go then!" Adam paid the bill and they moved to the plane. It was an easy walk but a very busy airport. Thankfully the floght was only two hours and 15 minutes till they were back in Chicago. By the time they arrived home Kim was already sound asleep. Adam smiled carrying her to bed. He then got the bags before joining her fall asleep almost right away. It had been an emotional day so this was very well needed. The next morning came early. Adam turned off Kims ringer so she could sleep. He knew only two people could get through when she was in do not disturb mode, him and Justin. He kissed Kim bye as he moved out to work. When he arrived the team was thrilled to have him back. "How was the trip? Hows Kim?" Kevin asked almost right away. "It had its good moments and some not so good. Seeing Jim was tough. He was hunced forward in his chair, drool dripping down to his blanket. He looked almost dead, Im not joking. He was telling Kim that he was played out, ready to go out, he didnt want her to get the doctor. The aide said that he was going into hospice care and that he maybe had a few months left. She was crushed, I get that." Adam sipped some coffee before continuing.
"We stopped to get food on the way to philly. We went to the zoo, then the game. Had a great time even though they lost. Then we spent the whole next day enjoying Philly. Even with the fake I almost grabbed a concrete dick in a bathroom at the Magic Gardens." He laughed as did everyone. "Went to a restaurant in Delaware that was called Crabby Dicks, itvwas hilarious. Spent almost all day Sunday on the beach. Absolutely amazing! I loved it and can't wait till September to see it again. Monday we went to another beach looking for Wild Horses that we didnt see then the cemetery. That was hard. Watching Kim trying to say evetything she needed to say. It was intense. She was sound asleep when we got home last night. But I have tons of photos for you guys to look at." Adam handed over hos phone for everyone to look at. "Look at all that food Kim ate. Looks amazing!" Antonio was shocked. "Oh I know. Damn proud of her. We did walk a ton that day to burn off the calories." He commented. "What work outs are you doing Adam? Your abs are sick!" Jay was shocked. "Pilates with Kim. Her workouts are insane. But I like what Im seeing and so does she." He smirked knowing they would be shocked.
Kim had woken up hearing her phone ringing. She saw it was Justin. "Hey how are you this morning?" Kim asked rolling over in bed. "Hey so I dont know if you got the call yet but Jim passed away during the night." Justin said as he gave Kim time to process. "My god! During his sleep?" Kim asked shocked. "It seems that way yes. I dont know all the details but yeah. Figured you should hear it from me. Just try to rest today. I will call you later." Kim hung up stunned. She noticed a call missed from Jims son. She called him back right away. "Hey so I dont know if you heard yet but dad passed away during the night. He was found at 6:55 unresponsive, hospice nurses pronounced him at 7:55. It appears he went in his sleep." Jimmy detailed knowing Kim would want all the information. " Wow. Im just in shock." Kim was stunned since she just saw him. They talked a bit longer till they hung up. Kim dressed quickly heading to the district.
Kim drove there holding it together but was shaking as she drove. She arrived out front running inside. Platt saw her buzzing her up right away. She could see the emotions all over her. The team heard someone running up the stairs. They turned to see Kim shaking. "Darling what happened?" Adam asked seeing the tears starting to fall. "Hes gone! He's gone Adam!" Kim sobbed crashing into Adam. "What? How? When?" Adam asked not letting her go. "I guess when the aides when to check on him thos morning he was unresponsive and hospice pronounced him just before 8. Justin called me. Jimmy did too. But Justin broke the news. I think that was best. Im so broken obviously but happy that hes free. Hes not suffering anymore. Hes with Alicia again. I just dont know how to process this." She cried Adam just held her. He didnt try to move her, he didnt try to quiet her. He just let her feel.
"No one is prepared to lose a loved one. Even when they know its time. You were a child when you lost your grandparents. But Jim was your grandfather too. Adopted of course but he was. He was proud of that. He loved you and knew you loved him for him. That was most special to him. You were there trying your best to make him hang on and get stronger. You dedicated a huge chunk of your heart to him. That doesnt go away because he has passed on. Just grandmom, you can talk to him every day , any where. Hell we can go to a gay club tonight and raise a glass to him. I know he wasnt gay but that was one of your favorite memories with him." He heard her laughing. "God he was wasted that night. But it was fun as hell." Kim smiled a bit. "See we got this. I know its a shock but this us for the best. And yes it should have happened months ago but he is at peace and really so are you. You just need the sadness to subside. And then you will be shining bright again.
"I had this silly dream that he would get better and we coukd dance at our wedding. But thats never going to happen now." Kim was crying again but softly this time. "Thats not silly at all. It would have been beautiful." Adam still held her knowing those around them heard everything. No one cared or rushed them. Her family had died and she was distraught. That was normal. Adam decided to make her laugh a bit. "Well the good news for Jim is that he got to feel your boobs before he passed. Thats a highlite for him." He heard Kim crack up. "Damn wandering hands. Fucking shit head always stared at the crack between them. He loved summer because he could see the boobies better." Kim laughed needing to remember the good times. "Are you feeling any better?" He saw her nod. "Yeah I guess. I think Im going to the penthouse. I need a dress for the funeral. And I have plenty of black so I just need to pick one. And then I think Im going to spend the day on the dock listening to Sinatra. Jims favorite." Kim shrugged a bit. "Sounds good darling. Im so very sorry for your loss. I love you." Adam hugged her tight. Followed by the full team who had tears as well for her.
As she left the district she was still sad of course but knew she would make it through this too. He was at peace, no longer suffering and so now she could let go. Knowing he was always with her. Her memories, photos and videos lasting for a lifetime to come.