Her Favorite Lie

by Anticipate

Three years after surviving a murder attempt by his father, Aqua Hoshino lives quietly on the edge of the public eye. Slowly, Aqua embraced his new role as a cardiac surgeon dating Kana Arima. But when Aqua dredges up a painful past and his and Kana's careers are suddenly on the line, Aqua and Kana are forced to confront the lies they've allowed to pile up between them.

5. Chapter 5: Lost Kitten

A/N: Lost Kitten comes from Canadian indie rock band Metric's fifth studio album Synthetica, released 2012. The themes of self-reflection and understanding what's real and what isn't play off nicely with Kana's first opportunity to take the spotlight in this story. Another fun fact is that this is probably the song I've listened to the most in the past few months, and it's not close lol.

Link: https/ youtube . watch?v=3Xw-9OE1j-Y

Happy new year everyone! New year, new chapter, new location for the chapter notes! I decided to try moving them up as one of my new year's resolutions. If you have a preference for the old spot for some reason, feel free to let me know. This one ended up turning into a bigger beast than I originally expected, but I wanted to make sure I got everything I needed to out of Kana and Aqua's date. And hey, we're still releasing on time, so no harm done. As Kana and Aqua try to work out their problems together, Ruby's concert looms over both of their minds. We're starting to get into the meat of the story as the first arc nears a climax, so I hope you look forward to more semi-frequent updates throughout 2025. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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The outfit and its backups were curated yesterday to eliminate tardiness. The nearest activities to the restaurant had been scouted and filtered for different times of day and mood. Lunch was reduced to a protein bar to ensure just the right level of hunger. The name brand steel grey gym bag had been neatly packed, and Mem had been kindly shown the door well before the appointed time. With no lands left to conquer, Kana Arima was forced to reflect on how ill-prepared she really was for this date.

Kana's time under the spotlight paled in comparison to her boyfriend's withering gaze. The bar for the mustered courage it took to bare her vulnerable side to the unfeeling Aqua Hoshino monster was higher than any audition. Dating him would have made this easier if she couldn't count on her fingers the number of times they got together a year. Only recently had Kana come to understand the extent to which Aqua kept the inner workings of his mind hidden from even her behind that apathetic exterior.

Oh, but he was doting when the mood struck him. Aqua could rise to any arbitrary date challenge she presented, waiting on her hand and foot while making it look seamless, expected. She loved it, and if she shamelessly indulged in Aqua's plans tonight, she'd be as good as reneging on her promise to help him.

Categorizing Aqua as unfeeling wasn't fair. It was easier for Kana to pretend Aqua's kindness was an objective performance between actors than it was to accept that Aqua was giving himself an excuse to keep his cards close to his chest. This date needed to be his chance to address the exigent skeletons pressing against his closet door. The risk of increasing negative press or driving Aqua away with her insistence would have to be accepted. Aqua Hoshino needed Kana Arima to shine tonight, so the gnawing doubts in her stomach could go eat rocks.

The actress battled the wrinkles in her dress from the corner of the second bedroom she'd reserved for her preparations. She'd gone for an ankle-length deep crimson number that would complement her innate charm most effectively. An inlaid sequin pattern created the illusion of glowing white lights when she moved in the right way, supposedly invoking the image of thousands of her cheering idol fans. Aqua had picked it out for her birthday last year, which meant it had to be saved for special occasions. Turning the heads of others was an incidental effect; she just needed to make sure she held Aqua's attention tonight.

Drawing the gaze of one person versus thousands was simply a matter of adjusting her focus. It was crucial to go minimal on the makeup; let your natural hair color and outfit do the talking. By the time she had finished adding to the mess in their office space, she'd found herself prepared with a whole half hour to spare before her taxi was due. "And if Aqua wasn't a siscon, he'd be on me for being only on time. Instead, you have the nerve to tell me you might be late."

She could always blame Mem staying late for her punctuality, but neither of them would have been able to swallow that fib while Mem was actively livestreaming. No excuse would let her forgive herself if she couldn't help Aqua tonight anyways. Wonderful as the past few days were, she couldn't pretend his mind wasn't more often elsewhere, somewhere for him alone. That would be unacceptable tonight. The actress began to pace, soft footfalls echoed by the quickening of her heartbeat as she quadruple-checked her preparations to hijack the pace of the date when necessary.

The taxi driver had her address and knew where they were going. Her bag still had all her stuff in it. Her hair hadn't fallen out in the last five minutes. With nowhere else to place her pent-up anxiety, Kana punted the nearest object across the room, which happened to be Mem's plushie. She'd been going for some of Aqua's idol memorabilia garbage and hit her one contribution to the floor that afternoon. Sighing, Kana leaned against the wall. "Damn it Mem, couldn't you have stayed longer?" Kana felt guilty as soon as Mem's plushie bounced off the wall. Mem had only shown up this morning out of consideration for her friend, much as she'd claimed it was to mooch off of Aqua's notes. "Sorry. Nerves." Mem fell to her side on the floor in understanding.

This was no good. If she allowed herself to overthink everything, she'd start losing her confidence. She needed a distraction. Without thinking, Kana kicked off the wall and pivoted to the desk on the far side of the room to review her emails. She had no reason to be anxious about spending time with Aqua. Most of the time, being with him was far easier than being with anyone else. But that complacency wouldn't help him with his issues.

There was a selfish part of Kana deep down that reveled in the fresh nerves that welled up within her before a performance. She'd heard some actors say that the last few minutes before a show were the most nerve-wracking. As far as Kana was concerned, they were morons. How anyone could feel this rush of adrenaline and not become addicted was beyond her. The fools who didn't get a rush of excitement to be with the people they loved were worse, even when those people spent all morning hanging out with their sisters. "Stupid Hoshinos. Stupid Arima. Stupid time. No. Focus, Kana. Read. Breathe. Take a step back and focus on the bigger picture. You are stronger than this."

The computer still had a notes file from her account pulled up that Kana begrudgingly glanced over one more time. A certain bluenette fan of hers had provided copious details about her boyfriend's life out of some odd sense of duty Kana never understood. Akane would be a great friend and rival if she wasn't such a pretentious actor who couldn't admit when she was wrong. The gall she'd had to provide an ex-girlfriend's notes to her successor like Kana needed a guide to deal with Aqua Hoshino was appalling. She wasn't much better for accepting the help so pathetically, but it wasn't her fault Aqua had been bed-ridden and nearly impossible to approach for months. Picturing Akane's smug face and their impending reunion in America was pissing her off, so Kana closed the heavily annotated notes file and returned it to her personal external drive. Aqua hadn't found the file yet, but she doubted he'd appreciate having his measurements in such an insecure location as their home computer.

Kana's emails were unsurprising. There were a few proposed commercial offers Miyako had forwarded along with a smattering of ads enabling her shopping habits. She would have gotten away without having to click a single email had she not allowed her eyes to rest a moment too long on the spam folder. Four new emails were accrued in the last 24 hours. It was stupid for a spam folder to have notifications, but they still led to Kana clicking on them every time. The most recent one had been dramatically titled.

We need to talk

The last 20 or so comprised some histrionic variation of what Kana presumed a middle-aged woman would consider an ideal tweet. For a moment, Kana's mouse hovered over the email before she steeled herself. There was nothing that woman could say to hurt her anymore. Mrs. Arima was grateful to wash her hands of her little failed child actress right after she turned old enough to take care of herself. Regardless of her reason, crawling back now that her fame was finally creeping up again was intolerable in Kana's eyes.

"What would you even say, mom? Sorry we haven't met up in four years? Can I get your autograph?" Maybe she should just take it as a sign that her popularity as an actor was finally coming into its own and move on. She could turn her back on people just as easily as they could to her.

The computer was logged out and shut off. After ensuring that she'd cleared a path with her foot, Kana exited the dreary room. She'd nearly forgotten Aqua wasn't there, half-expecting to be met with some cheesy comment. It was her idea to meet up at the restaurant instead of heading out together to increase the romantic vibes. Now, however, Kana just wished they were together already. Being alone got more suffocating with every day she was reminded that there was an alternative option.

It was decided that the company taxi would need to arrive a bit early. After ensuring that he was paid appropriately for the sudden change and there were no onlookers, Kana fled her home under the late afternoon sun. Using the Strawberry Productions taxi was only a misuse of company funds if you didn't consider the potential scandals that could break out should Kana be spotted gallivanting about with her boyfriend rather than doing whatever it was fans expected idols to do every day. Privacy was a celebrity's most valuable commodity, and Miyako was wise enough to understand that.

Despite being fifteen minutes early, Aqua was loitering on a bench outside the restaurant when Kana arrived, watching some idol performance on his phone that Kana didn't recognize. So possibly being late was an excuse he fabricated to give her Kana time she was happy to return to him now. When Aqua saw the cab pull up, his eyes widened, Kana smirking as her appearance captivated her boyfriend. "Staring's rude, you know."

Instantly the indifferent Aqua returned. "I thought you enjoyed getting attention."

"From most people, sure. Nothing's worse than a creepy fan with no sense of time though."

"You look radiant this evening. I love the dress. It goes well with the white beret."

When he suddenly spoke candidly it always threw Kana off. Any misplaced encouragement could leave her hopelessly following his pace all evening. There were storm clouds behind those calm Aqua eyes Kana needed to clear in order to call this date a success. "And you look scruffy. Come here, let me fix that tie. No wonder nobody recognized you."

"Who's to say nobody recognized me? This is a swanky part of town."

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you've been waiting here since the 90s, Mr. Swanky. Let's get you inside, you must be simply famished." Kana finished straightening Aqua's tie long enough to herd him inside as the taxi took their bags for them. She didn't need the rest of the street photographing two well-dressed young actors with oversized gym bags.

Aqua was already loosening the tie Kana had worked so hard to straighten by the time they made it through the revolving doors. The unenthusiastic steel-colored suit with a navy undershirt was more posh than Kana had expected given what she'd seen Aqua leaving in. If he'd managed to store it in his own gym bag, it was a miracle the tie was the only thing crumpled to hell and back.

The duo was seated immediately in the private room Aqua had reserved despite showing up early, with a guarantee from the manager herself that their personal waiter would be at their beck and call. Their sequestered room was romantically lit by a few candles, with a purposefully intimate size accompanied by soft music Kana could only describe as cloying. "Wish this wasn't necessary," Kana muttered as she allowed herself to be seated. "People need to learn to behave."

"Never thought I'd see the day Kana Arima complained about being pampered," Aqua snarked, his shoulders visibly deflating as he took his coat off. "This was your idea, wasn't it?"

The menu wasn't even in Kana's hand and Aqua was throwing flirty jabs at her. Playful reciprocation wasn't a terrible opening move if it gave her an opportunity to control the conversation. "I've evolved into a sensible woman, thank you. So how was the pregame with Ruby? Seems like you made it here fast enough."

The actor raised an eyebrow along with his menu. Mentally, Kana cursed herself for jumping the gun. She knew exactly why Aqua had wanted to make this morning's trip by himself. "Are you the one who leaked where I'd be going to her? She has a performance tomorrow."

Kana shrugged the accusation off. "She reached out to me and I didn't think you should be alone. You and her never listen when you get an idea in your heads, so I just told her to bring snacks. I hope she didn't fill you up."

"No need for concern. I don't think this place has a buffet or anything."

"We'll have to get appetizers then. I'm starving."

Reminding herself that she was hungry inspired Kana to retrieve her own menu. The table was small enough that they could almost hug without standing up, yet Kana felt a clear distance between them as Aqua expertly dodged her question about Ruby. Circling back now would certainly fail; in the worst-case scenario she'd be forced to account for her own parental interactions, or lack thereof. But if she left Aqua alone, he'd start getting in his own head with no easy way to retrieve him. It was better that he focused on small talk, telling her how his studies were going, how the walk was, how overjoyed he was to be with his loving girlfriend in person again.

The past few days had evoked sanguine memories from years Kana had spent as an idol. Each morning, she would venture over to Strawberry Productions, deal with her job for the day, then secretly plot a way to get Aqua to notice her while trying to convince herself she was doing anything else. The scheming part wasn't necessary anymore, but the opportunity to be close to him constantly hadn't been present since his hospital stay. These were moments that therefore needed to be savored, if only for a brief window before her purpose beckoned.

"You're not gonna eat bread, Aqua?"

"I'd rather wait until the appetizer. Bread is how they get you in these places."

"Oh, then I won't eat any either."

"You can eat bread if you want, Kana. You said you were hungry."

"No no, bread is how they get you in these places."

There was a poignant pause where Aqua's deadpan look met Kana's playful expression. "Well, then at least get a glass of something. We didn't bother using the company car so we could enjoy sparkling water."

"No no, alcohol is how they get you in these places too. I've heard they'll even charge you for the food here if they don't like you. Trust the process, Aqua. We'll order when the time is ripe in a few hours." She had every intention of indulging herself, but teasing Aqua always took precedence over her need to eat.

Aqua made a humming noise that vaguely resembled disapproval and returned his attention to the menu. The coy smirk on Kana's face vanished. Her best efforts hadn't gotten her much further than the door. Aqua's brow wasn't furrowed because he couldn't decide between the gnocchi and the manicotti. One of Akane's notes had been quite clear that Aqua wasn't one to share his burdens, but Kana didn't need an upstart fan and wannabe actress to learn that. Ever since she'd met him, Aqua had kept her at polite arm's length, to the point where she'd almost needed to beg to get him to capitulate to sharing a bed. His overly gentlemanly tendencies were acceptable to Kana so long as she framed it as him expressing his affection for her; she was the one at fault for letting him set the timetable for when he would let her in.

Their acting session hadn't been brought up in the last few days, and Kana had resolved to make tonight the night she settled Aqua's opinion on the matter permanently. If he thought her unhinged performance was unhelpful, he only needed to say it. When Kana caught Aqua's eye again, the star shining there had dimmed to an inky black. The expression on his face reminded Kana of how he looked when they first reunited in high school. This was unacceptable. When their mediocre calamari appetizer disappeared and was washed down with a bit of wine, Kana took the initiative to try something other than small talk. "By the way, have you given any thought to my proposal?"

Aqua didn't respond for a moment, pretending to glance over the menu he'd already ordered from. "To the Gotanda thing? I'm thinking about it. There's still a week or so, right?" The candle between them flickered.

"Well, yeah. But waiting isn't going to help make your call. Do you want to spend our last week together with me constantly pestering you about it?"

"That's entirely in your control."

"Right back at you, moron."

"How's Mem doing? Was she able to make any use of my notes?"

Kana blinked, processing the change in conversation and whether to allow it. Her twinge of frustration was swallowed. Somehow it went down easier than the wine. "Mem's fine. Same old Mem. I don't know how she balances all that crap with school on top of managing her channel and doing B-Komachi stuff."

"I'm surprised she's still appearing at shows and meet and greets, to be honest."

A biting reply was only withheld for an instant before Kana gave up. "Fans like you are the reason we have to keep doing that stuff, you know. Neither one of us wants to be remembered only for our work as idols, but playing into it is the best way to keep our fan bases steady, or growing in Mem's case. It's the same with the Unscripted interview, attending Ruby's concert tomorrow, all of it. Well, I'd attend anyways, but not for the post-show fan meet up."

"Then do you want to stop doing it?"

Yes was the easy answer, and Kana was on the verge of saying it before she finally stopped herself. She could feel Mem's plushie boring a hole in the back of her head with its soulless eyes powered by overwhelming guilt. "I want to, but I can't. It wouldn't be fair to Ruby or Mem. If anyone should quit, it's her."

"Why's that?"

"Don't patronize me. She's the one with a consistently full schedule. Even sort of popular actors still get down time. Mem's always on. Neither one of us want B-Komachi to be our entire legacy, but she's the one who's constantly working to make sure that's the case for her channel. I couldn't do that."

Aqua brushed his hand gently over the one Kana had left on the table. "You're working hard too. I'm proud of you."

Unfettered affection bubbled out of Kana in the form of a sound similar to an eep. "Y-yeah? Wish I could say the same for the guy who's been busting his ass to be a doctor so he can ditch acting practice. But, ah, thanks. It means a lot." Her blush was partially mirrored on Aqua's face as he smiled awkwardly at her.

The mood was nebulous. Kana wasn't sure whether to stick to her guns or give in and ride Aqua's schmoozing train for the rest of her life. She was the one who'd been doing all the talking during what was supposed to be a chance for Aqua to vent. As the silence stretched on too long, Kana realized that the warmth in Aqua's eyes had faded slightly. The star continued to burn away at his emotion, tugging his attention away from the present moment and away from Kana. Their food arrived as Kana convinced herself that she had the right to step in on Aqua's personal business. Her resolve became certain when she managed to take a picture of their food and post it online before Aqua even picked up his fork.

"Okay, Earth to Aqua."

Aqua leaned back from his plate, tilting his head. "Aqua speaking."

"Brief word of advice, bringing up work on date night then falling silent is the number one way to get dumped."

Aqua took a deep breath and collected himself. The star in his eye completely faded as the moment passed. It was a façade, but Kana was ready to accept any progress at this point. "You're right. I'm letting my worries about work get in front of me. Tonight is a night for us."

Kana matched Aqua's pace as he took the lead in their conversation through the mediocre main course. Though he'd cut out his brooding, he couldn't hide the lack of brightness in his eyes. Years of shining a light in Kana's face had made it uniquely difficult for Kana to notice, but recent events had prompted her to amend that. She couldn't call herself a half-decent girlfriend if she allowed Aqua to stew on his problems until he exploded and passed out at work. His wine and dine routine was fantastic, but it was still clearly just a routine to him. Kana needed to find a way to break the cycle, and posting pictures of her meal online alone wasn't going to cut it.

By the time they reached and turned down dessert, Kana was ready to enact her back-up plan. Their current location had set the wrong atmosphere. Though Aqua had invested in getting them a private room, they were constantly interrupted by servers before they could discuss anything meaningful. Normally Kana would have appreciated the pampering, but it was as if they were summoned by a bell every time she tried to poke a hole in Aqua's armor. It was time to prove he wasn't the only one who could show a date a good time. "What did you think?" Kana asked as they walked out, groping around in her bag to ensure she'd brought everything she needed.

"Too expensive for what it was," Aqua dismissed. "But it was still enjoyable. You?"

"Yeah, I feel that. It's like, stop posturing about how rich and fancy you're supposed to be and just serve good food. There's more than enough places to stroke your ego in this city."

Aqua looked like he was about to agree before his expression hardened. He turned away from the street and their taxi, pulling out his phone as if to show Kana something yet leaving it off to show a black car in its reflection. "We've got a tail."

Kana pointed at the blank phone and pretended to be absorbed in it. "You sure? Any ID?"

"No. They're looking right at us. Are they worth avoiding?"

The actress nodded to herself, her heart starting to race. "They might not even be here for us originally. New restaurants always have paparazzi problems in this neck of the woods. There's a park nearby we can hang out at for a while until they're gone. No need to broadcast our address. We can tell the car to come back later."

"That's fine, but we'll probably turn more heads if we go looking like we're attending a gala."

"Not if we change," Kana posited, opening her bag to reveal the outfits she'd stuffed hastily in them. Aqua only needed a different shirt and jeans while she'd packed a nondescript gym outfit for herself. "We can go through the back of the restaurant. It's the least they could do."

"Seems you thought this through," Aqua noted with a hint of approval.

"Well, I wanted to have something else we could do should the restaurant not be exciting. You're the one who taught me that."

Aqua scratched the back of his neck. "Did I?"

Kana shook her head as she paid the taxi driver for the time lost and briefly informed him of their intentions. "Come on, you. I'm going to make you have a good time tonight if it kills us."

The restaurant was fortunately accommodating to the couple's needs. Despite being new, they understood the unique issues experienced by even their semi-famous clientele. That was the less obvious yet critically important reason that Kana always made sure to never diss brands on social media. Their outfits made it look like they were just taking the long way home from a trip to the store or gym rather than an expensive date, and Kana was confident she'd have been able to lose the black car even if it wasn't told not to follow them.

By the time they reached the park, the sun was just scraping the tip of the horizon. Though nobody recognized them and the black car was gone, Kana didn't let her guard down until they found themselves in a field that was starting to empty out for the day. The two had been hand in hand throughout the walk, Aqua's cool fingers grasping Kana's warm ones. She couldn't let her effort to create this detour amount to a pleasant jaunt through the park. "Sun's starting to go down and I think our tail's gone. Any other plans?" Aqua asked, almost as if he was reading her thoughts.

"Of course, dork. I want to show you how much my throwing arm has improved."

"Oh boy. Don't tell me you've actually been practicing catch just for this moment."

Kana smirked. She had practiced catch with Mem in preparation for throwing the opening pitch at a baseball game a few months ago. Despite throwing it perfectly, she'd gotten the same amount of applause as the girl who managed to nail the ground two meters in front of her the previous game. Redemption would be incidental, but no less satisfying. "I could've gone pro if I hadn't been an actress, you know. Mem said so."

"Because Mem is suddenly the voice to listen to for baseball scouting."

"Hey, she hit a viewership record watching Ohtani play, you know. That's gotta count for something."

"Pretty sure that says more about Ohtani than her. Did you bring the gloves?"

His question meant that Aqua hadn't planned for this activity. Kana felt herself swell with pride. This was a natural way to extend the date without attracting too much attention. Nobody looked twice at a couple tossing a ball around in the park. "Of course. And you saw me on the mound. I've been thinking about… doing it again… where the hell is this damn ball?"

Kana's neatly folded dress was instantly bunched up as she scrounged around for her ball and came up with air. Aqua tapped her on the shoulder as she considered turning her bag inside out. "Looking for this?" He tossed a baseball up and down in his hand with a cocky grin.

"You! You had one the whole time? Since when-"

"Since I figured it might be fun to play catch after dinner a few days ago. Didn't think to dig out my old glove though. Props for that."

So he'd thought this far ahead after all. There was probably some elegant solution to getting them into the park that flowed more naturally than posting a food photo online to give them a reason not to go home. In retrospect, Aqua had barely noticed her going against her own advice, to the point that Kana now wondered if he'd simply allowed things to play out to ensure they made it to this point. Her overflowing disappointment over the money she'd wasted getting them here would have to be conveyed through her pitching performance somehow. "Hmph. Guess this makes us even, Hoshino. Now get over there so I can impress you."

"It's not a competition, Kana. We're here to have fun, right?"

Kana wanted to slug her boyfriend and ask him if that was fun for him. If what he said was true, he was actively resisting their objective while acting like he could still satisfy her otherwise. "Oh, you're going to have something when we're done here."

"Alright. Let me have it."

Kana's aim was hindered by the lack of concern in her partner's form. If she threw it as hard as she'd learned to, there was no way he'd be able to catch it without hurting himself. That wasn't ever the point of their game, but acting below her talents was like having an itch on the small of her back where she couldn't reach it. The point of their playing catch was to ensure Aqua's attention was held. She didn't know what his fascination was with the game, but if it gave him satisfaction enough to lower his guard, that was good enough for her. "Be honest, have I gotten better?" A satisfying thud echoed from Aqua's glove.

"Much better. I'd say you're better at this than I am."

Kana found herself blushing stupidly. "Well, that's to be expected! Anyone can get good at throwing a ball with enough practice."

"Guess I'll need to keep my schedule more open." Aqua chuckled as he tossed her a high ball.

The actress jumped to catch it, grateful she'd had the sense to pack more appropriate clothing. "You should. Do you think you can make time for acting while you're at it?"

Aqua caught Kana's ball and held it silently for a moment. "I don't know. I've been thinking about it, but it'll be difficult with all the appointments I have to keep over the next few weeks."

"Everything's harder than it should be when you're not putting the effort in," Kana accused lightly as she went for a curve ball that veered into a nearby tree. "Shit. Sorry!"

The actor retrieved the ball without rebuff. Kana scolded the part of her that was hoping Aqua would tell her off for such a wild pitch. Their arguments weren't exactly fun, but Kana felt most at ease when her tongue was allowed to cut without remorse, and Aqua enjoyed being able to take his life a bit less seriously for a moment. In a strange way, the gloomy introvert's arguments showed that he cared, and Kana loved him for it. "So, you've decided to pivot from acting into professional baseball then? You have my best wishes."

A firm leather smack accompanied Kana catching Aqua's fastball. "No, jerk. I'm an actress, washed up or otherwise. What about you? Is doctoring still the only way forward?"

"Yeah. I can't do anything else at this point. It's… who I am. It's not even a decision I should have to make, you know?"

Kana wanted to scream at the idiot in front of her. Instead, she returned his fast ball with interest and nearly sent the glove flying out of his hand. She wanted to follow up and accuse him of lying. When they acted together a few days ago, she'd seen how badly he'd injured himself carrying the baggage of his previous life under Kamiki around for so long. Their tearful reunion had turned into an argument with a single adlib. No matter what Aqua said, Kana couldn't overlook that as a professional. "And you? It seems like acting is going swimmingly." Another deflection, and not one Kana could easily parry.

"Hm. Well, I've been thinking it's about time I get back into the idol industry. I've heard tell that my fame among the otakus is slipping and Miyako is losing hair over how it'll affect the bottom line."

The ball impacted Aqua's glove and fell to the ground. "Come on, Kana, how long are you gonna drag me over the coals over this?"

"Definitely for a few years into my comeback. Or at least until your favorite idol list is updated."

A hand was placed over Aqua's heart. "Kana Arima is my favorite idol, obviously."

Kana dove to one side to catch Aqua's wild pitch, somehow managing to keep her footing. He was lying boldly, and Kana didn't care. The warmth welling within felt just as good whether Aqua was lying or telling the truth. An idol knew better than most that telling those sorts of careless lies would only work if there was an element of truth to them. "Is that right? Maaaaybe I'll put my return on hold then. I wouldn't want to take all of Ruby's fans anyways."

"You've developed a shocking amount of self-confidence in the last five minutes."

The actress barked out a laugh, tossing the ball up and down in her hand for a moment. "It's not that, I swear. I've just realized that I have a long way to go still. My acting needs to be able to reach people the way Ruby can with her performances, or I'm doing everyone who supported me a disservice. Maybe this industry wasn't made for it, but being an idol made me realize that we can use our talents to help people resonate with themselves on an emotional level, make them want to be better or help them through tough times just by lying that everything is okay for a moment. Acting is kinda different, but only because we have a broader range of roles to play. I want to be the sort of actress who can change how the industry looks at what acting is for. I'm not there yet, but I don't know how to quit, so it'll probably happen eventually." Conviction pushed Kana's ball at the perfect speed into Aqua's glove.

A genuine smile slipped out from behind Aqua's mask. Kana could tell by the way that it sent her heart into a tizzy. It wasn't fair that one of the slipperiest men Kana had known had somehow stolen control of her emotions. All she could leverage in exchange was the attention she held when the spotlight was on her. The trade should have been illegal in her opinion. "You're right. It's nice to think we could have a broader impact, isn't it?"

The time for reticence had passed as her pitch was returned. Kana gripped the ball tightly, unleashing her strongest throw of the evening. Aqua barely caught it, stopping the ball from flying off into the bushes. "And I'm going to start with you."

Aqua wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, his expression puzzled. "What?"

"You heard me. You helped a ton of people with your acting, even if it was for your own purposes. I want to be able to do that too."

The actor's features darkened, his pitching arm falling to his side limply. Their game would end in stalemate if Kana couldn't keep him engaged. "You don't want to be like me, Arima."

"Not the sad sack you currently are, that's for sure," Kana agreed, closing the distance between them. "You're lucky you're a talented actor, or you'd drive everyone away with that nasty personality of yours."

"I could say the same about you, you know," Aqua snarked back, his body recovering some energy as Kana plucked the baseball from his hand.

"If I look like I know what I'm doing, Aqua, it's because my act comes from the soul. Doing that lets you process who you are and what you want much more easily." It was a tough sell, but Kana's lie went undetected.

Instead, Aqua nodded to himself. He hadn't missed the subtle question about Gotanda's movie baked within Kana's response. "Well, that, and winning the spotlight from your rivals feels pretty good, doesn't it?"

Kana scoffed, smacking Aqua's chest with her glove. "Please. Kurokawa wouldn't know the first thing about what I'm saying. She plays every role so perfectly it's like they were all made for her. The day she learns how to get personally emotional for a part is the day I quit acting."

"What? Then who am I supposed to idolize if you quit? Don't tell us you're abandoning your fans at home, Miss Arima?"

The actress snickered at Aqua's poor impression of the guy who'd conducted one of her interviews a few days ago. She allowed herself to slip into her professional persona as she pretended to consider the question seriously.

"I feel your pain, my friend. I know! Why not idolize your sister? She clearly doesn't have a problem with it."

Kana started walking away to restart their game, but Aqua followed her, outpacing her enough to keep him in her vision. His expression was suddenly pensive. It was supposed to be a light jab, but Aqua was reacting like she'd sent him to the mat.

"Hey, I haven't seen her in months, alright? Excuse me for having her on my mind."

The ball in Kana's hand dropped into the grass, rolling away slowly. Her strategy was forgotten as she processed what Aqua was saying. "Wait, seriously? Aqua, what the hell kind of siscon are you? And what sort of idiot admits to that on a date with his girlfriend? Do you even want to be here? This is why people say you're a gloomy creep, you know!" She was hurling nonsense now, but pent-up frustration at her own failures was difficult enough to contain without talking to a brick wall.

Aqua deflated a little as he tossed the ball back in Kana's direction after stooping over to retrieve it. "Sorry. I've been distant tonight and I shouldn't be. I'll make it up to you somehow."

Despite her words, this wasn't what Kana wanted. She knew Aqua well enough to know he genuinely cared for her and her friends, sometimes against his own better judgement. Trying to remember this vexing fact when he acted so obstinate was often difficult in the heat of the moment.

"No, no. I'm glad we're able to be together. I just wish…" Kana trailed off. Something was missing, but she had no idea how to solve the problem that had plagued her boyfriend since their sudden reunion. She'd made no progress at all, and the person she'd normally vent about that to was the one person who couldn't hear it.

"I wish we could do dates like this all the time without everyone else in the world bothering us. No media or fans, no problems or appointments to make, nobody. It feels like people only want to look at me when it's inconvenient sometimes." She noticed the darkening look in Aqua's eyes and continued quickly. "You're the exception, obviously. Didn't think I'd need to clarify that. I expect you to bother me regardless of the situation. Especially now."

The look disappeared, replaced by a casual smile. "I would never miss an opportunity to bother you. Rest assured that regardless of my inept methods of showing it, Kana Arima is the only star I need right now."

This was why it was so easy to get mad at Aqua. He could spout heinous garbage or be as gloomy as he wanted as long as he followed it up with a cheesy line and Kana fell for it every damn time. She'd never be able to help him if she allowed herself to continue dancing in the palm of his hand. Kana was spared an embarrassed reply by a loudspeaker blaring across the park.

Attention. The park will be closed to the general public in fifteen minutes. Please make your way off park property before that time. Thank you for visiting.

They'd been throwing the ball for so long that Kana had barely noticed the arrival of twilight. Instinctively, she pressed closer to Aqua, the sudden acknowledgement of the chilly air superseding her pride. "Damn. Would have been nice to stick around a bit longer. At least the press should have given up by now." Once again she'd allowed Aqua to steal the pace from under her. Part of her was screaming internally to create another chance for Aqua to open up about something other than his stupid sister, but there was nothing Kana could see on the path in front of them beyond home and a hasty bedtime. She'd failed.

"Let's go to the concert."

The gloves hadn't even hit Kana's bag before Aqua sent her vision flying with a pithy declaration. "Concert? That's tomorrow. Stop drooling over your sister."

Aqua pointed to where a makeshift stage had been set up some ways away. "Not Ruby's thing. They're keeping the park open for attendees to a concert or something over there. Free admission. We can't play catch, but we don't have to go home yet. You wanted to talk a bit longer, right?"

If that was all, they could have done it at home. Kana didn't want to go home, back to where she'd spent the better part of the day catastrophizing about the very scenario playing out before them. It was as if Aqua was teasing her failure with another opportunity that was too good to be true. He was already sauntering away, pulling out a blanket like this was the plan the entire time. Kana tsked, cursing at herself as she followed him. "Always gotta be four steps ahead, huh?"

"I wasn't expecting the media to herd us into the park, but I think this is fine, don't you?"

Most other days Kana would agree. Aqua's pace was comfortable, but she rarely stopped to consider if Aqua himself enjoyed it. As a girlfriend, that was unacceptable. A wonderful evening listening to live classical music would ring hollow if they only danced around Aqua's issues. And the boy had issues, Kana was still very certain of that. This was her last chance before their schedules would begin to diverge again.

Aqua found them a somewhat secluded spot on a gentle slope overlooking the stage. The few cameras were focused elsewhere, with only a few scattered families serving as their company. It was as private as one could hope to be while hanging out in public. "It pisses me off that I have to thank you for being so considerate," Kana ruefully lamented as she plopped onto the blanket. "Just when I think I've got a handle on showing you a good time, I realize I'm still stuck following your lead."

"We don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'm fine either way."

"Aqua."

"I'd like to listen for a while."

"Good. Then we'll stay for a while."

Classical music and Kana had a strong apathy for each other, but she knew that Aqua preferred music that was probably popular forty years ago. The show started before they had the chance to discuss anything, allowing Kana to catch Aqua smiling with his eyes closed several times as they listened. It was difficult to see the band playing, but the relaxed vibe of their sound spoke louder than their faces ever could as they played off of the changing lights strung up in the trees and on the stage to tell the same lies Kana had familiarized herself with as an idol. While you were here, everything was going to be fine.

In a way, everything Kana wanted was being shoved in her face right now. It was so much easier to touch someone's heart with the right combination of notes in a medium that couldn't be effectively blocked or ignored behind walls. The sky above them was painted with twinkling stars, connected by paved roads of piano and violins dancing together to insist that things could be beautiful forever as long as you didn't forget them. Only when Kana realized that she'd allowed Aqua to drape his jacket over her shoulders without acknowledging it did the reality of her situation set in.

There wouldn't be a better chance to get to the heart of Aqua's problems before she and him went their separate ways again. The thought put a pang in Kana's heart. She was in love with Aqua Hoshino, that wasn't the question. What she didn't love was how little they got to see each other. People who dated for three years shouldn't be able to count their total dates on their hands. And no matter how much she was able to help him, their work was going to pull them apart again soon. If this date somehow ended perfectly, they'd both walk away missing what they were looking for in the first place.

"Enjoyment," Kana decided between songs, glancing up at her boyfriend.

"Are we announcing our feelings now?" Aqua asked.

"No, I was just thinking that we were missing something, and I think that's what it is. We're both avoiding enjoying ourselves." It was obvious now that she'd declared it out loud, but she'd gotten so wrapped up in her objectives that she'd forgotten her own advice.

Aqua returned Kana's gaze. He looked upon her fondly, but the black star in his eye continued to gleam eagerly. "I know I've been distant. I owe you a better explanation for myself, I realize that. I still want to keep acting with you when I have the time. If I don't take this slowly, I think it'll be counterproductive." The opposite was true, yet Kana couldn't find the words to counter Aqua's claim immediately.

Tonight was a precious night, a date too important to ruin with tomorrow's problems. Kana Arima rarely got Aqua Hoshino all to herself. The issues of the past and future should be able to melt away while she absorbed the endless now with her boyfriend. But the world didn't work to the tune of this song. If she ever wanted the soothing feeling in her heart to survive, she would need to be willing to make good on her word to do anything it took to preserve it. This date shouldn't have been about her trying to force enjoyment on Aqua while he tried to do the same to her. Problems only grew like emails in your spam folder if you ignored them. Kana took Aqua's hand as she sat up, touching shoulders as she looked out past the performing band. If she was going to be a failure tonight, she could at least avoid being a hypocrite as well.

"My mother hasn't said 'I love you' to me since I was 5 years old."

The man at her side tensed up as his grip on Kana's hand slackened. "Kana…" His words failed when he saw the forlorn look in his lover's eyes. She was somewhere else right now where the music couldn't reach her, tethered here only by her delicate hold on Aqua.

"I told you that she ended up basically abandoning me, but I never told you how. When my fame as a child actor waned, mom became a pain. She'd cause problems for people on set trying to advertise me, throw tantrums at home, and start disregarding her personal care between jobs. It's no wonder her husband walked out on us with another woman."

"I thought they were still together?" Aqua interrupted as the band started up again. "Sorry. You don't have to talk about it if you want."

Kana shook her head. The time for that had passed. "It's fine. She got back with him a few years after she moved back home. God knows why, and I don't ever want to know. Maybe people like us just need to be needed by someone. But while he was gone, she got a lot worse. The spark in her eyes would just… disappear when we didn't get work for more than a few weeks at a time. Somehow it was always my fault she'd given up on her dreams to have me. Right before she left, she lost control and threw a plate too close to me, left a gash on my leg. It was an accident, but that was only obvious in retrospect. The first words out of her mouth were 'You'll have to wear pants for the commercial shoot'." She traced her leg as she spoke, an electric tingle telling her where to go as she recalled the hasty first aid her mother had attempted.

Aqua didn't speak again, patiently allowing Kana to continue. When she looked to him, his expression was intent, without judgement. His free hand was at his side, tracing along some of his own scars subconsciously. "We met sporadically after she left. I'll never forget how her eyes lit up when I suggested we just keep in touch over the phone so she can focus on her and grandpa's recovery. She'd deny it if I brought it up, but I would never mistake that. That's how I was when I met you again. I had given up on ever being famous enough to see her recover enough to love me the way she used to. I was walking on eggshells just telling her I had gotten picked up for Tokyo Blade, or even joined B-Komachi. When we spoke, it was always the same unoffensive bullshit. Now she's suddenly saying we need to meet up and talk. What am I supposed to think other than she's trying to take advantage of me somehow?"

"Isn't her being willing to reconnect at all a good thing?"

Kana affixed her boyfriend with a hard look, but there was no sarcasm in his question she could detect. The actress huffed. "I dunno. Maybe she really has miraculously changed, but I know I have. In all her attempts to reach out, she hasn't tried to apologize once. If you aren't even willing to admit you did something wrong, I don't see how we can get anywhere. But I don't wish bad on her, to be clear. She supported me financially until recently, and I don't think she ever meant to hurt us, even if that's what she did for so long. But I think things are better how they are now. She has her life and I have mine. Usually when people turn their backs on you, the best thing to do is take them at their word."

Aqua looked down, pausing long enough to ensure Kana wasn't going to continue. "Maybe it's not my place to say, but as someone who made that mistake, I would want to be given a second chance. It's hard to be willing to admit you're wrong."

"Assuming that's what she wants, I would expect her to give 'sorry' a shot," Kana brushed off. "You know me. I trust you even though you infuriate me sometimes with your secrets. But I know why my mom left. We aren't good for each other. And now that I've achieved the things she always wanted again, letting her back in would probably just restart the cycle and ruin what we've built for ourselves. But I'll probably end up doing it anyways if I let her ask me in person. So it's better that she keeps herself fixated on the Kana Arima she sees on the screen. That Kana can love her much better than I can."

"You should tell her that's what you want then," Aqua suggested immediately, releasing Kana to lean back on his hands. "Tell her that you're going to make things better in your own way. Let her apologize and put it behind both of you. She should know that you're doing alright now, at least. If you don't want to see her again, fine, but being open to change is important. I could help."

Kana snickered. A tear had come dangerously close to escaping her eye, but she withheld it thanks to devoted practice. Crying on command was only useful if it could work both ways. "I'm not a lost kitten that needs its mother anymore. I'm just a washed-up child actor clinging to the spotlight for warmth. It's not much, but it keeps me fed. I-" Kana's self-deprecation was cut off by Aqua silencing her with a kiss.

It was brief, but the sudden act startled Kana long enough to completely derail her train of thought. The band swelled beneath them as Kana was lost in the doubly overwhelming sensation of Aqua's body and the clamor around them. When they separated, Aqua was completely unfazed by his transgression. "Enough, Kana. If you're going to talk down to yourself, you can at least be honest."

The instinctual response that came to Kana was smacking her boyfriend's cheek. "Don't try to shut me up with cheap tricks! You're missing the point, stupid. I can handle my mother, and I'm not going to let you distract me. I'm telling you this so you can understand that I'm all in. There doesn't need to be any of these sorts of secrets between us, right?"

Unlike before, Aqua didn't hesitate. "Yeah. Thank you for telling me this, Kana. If it's bothering you in the future, just tell me about it. I'll answer your call no matter what. And no matter what, never think that you need to earn my attention. You have nothing to prove to me."

"I know that. But you like it when I put the effort in anyways, don't you?"

Aqua blushed lightly and avoided Kana's expectant gaze. "Don't be cheeky. I'm not saying stop being you."

The actress lightly squeezed Aqua's hand. "I know that, moron. The same goes double for you." A cozy silence was shared between them as another song finished.

This was the part where Aqua was supposed to succumb to the emotion of the moment and let Kana in. When he allowed a song to finish in their comfortable silence, Kana spoke up again, unwilling to let her boyfriend go. "You didn't finish your thought earlier. Didn't you want to be a doctor to help people? When did it become the only option?"

The sphere of the music's influence expanded outward as Kana allowed her hand to rest on Aqua's extended leg. Right now, she couldn't afford to miss a single detail. Aqua weighed what to say carefully in his mind, fighting some battle Kana would never get to know both sides of. "Ai was strong enough to help people in the process of helping herself. That was what I admired the most about her," Aqua explained, leaning forward. "Ruby told me something I haven't been able to get out of my head. She said she understands what I'm going through and that I have to figure out how to deal with it myself. I think the problem is that part of me hasn't been able to accept that Ai is really gone. I miss how she used to cheer for us at every milestone despite having no idea what she was doing as a parent. Without Miyako and Saitou, we'd probably be dead."

Kana raised her head. She hadn't expected Aqua to remain on the topic of their mothers. Her own revelation suddenly felt insensitive. "Oh. Uh, you don't have to talk about Ai if you don't want to. I can let it go for today if you're okay with that." That wasn't true, but Kana knew better than to press someone about unpleasant familial memories.

Aqua smiled and shook his head. "No, I have to make good on my word. And I want to talk about her. She would always attempt to make us lunch in the morning before school, but she'd mess it up terribly. We'd find both sandwiches in my bag or the rice she tried to make would be uncooked. By the time Miyako picked up cooking duties, I think Ai had almost learned how to make toast. Even before that, she used to confuse us all the time. Ruby once knocked a vase over because she was mad at me and convinced Ai that she was me so I'd get in trouble. I never did manage to convince her otherwise."

"I'm impressed you remember her so well," Kana admitted, stretching her legs out as she patiently allowed Aqua to reach his point.

The actor looked away as a new song started. "It's all I got to keep, so I hold on tightly to it. I wanted to be able to help people on stage like she did. But it's as you said. The industry isn't designed for those kinds of ideals. You have to have talent or connections, and I never had either. Being a doctor is the best way I can help people. So I can forgive myself for not being able to help her. That's what I thought, at least."

Aqua's eyes flared up as the light from the stage reflected off of it. He hesitated one more time before committing to his choice. "But recently, I've been seeing her while I'm awake. I know she's not really there, but if I lose focus, I start feeling like she's around, watching me fail her. Nothing I ever achieve will change that, will it?" He looked lost, his eyes blazing in directionless defiance of the twinkling stars above them.

Kana vaguely remembered Ruby describing a similar phenomenon during their filming of The 15 Year Lie together. Ruby was the only person anywhere as close to Ai as Aqua. But even if she wasn't the right person for this job, she'd resolved to try anyways. "Do you have any idea how many people you've helped, Aqua? I wouldn't have kept going in this industry were it not for you. Ai would be more than proud of you. You don't have to feel like you owe her anything."

"Is that so? I hope you're right, Kana. Thanks for nor immediately calling me crazy." That was never going to happen, but Kana mentally tabled the idea for later.

It was a huge step for Aqua to admit he still cared for acting and where he felt his fears were coming from. Kana had never understood his obsession with putting himself down about acting. She only did it because it was true, while Aqua was a genius when he wanted to be. "Ai wouldn't want you to give up just because you don't think you can do it. She wouldn't appreciate you calling her by her name either. Have you considered what Miyako said about going to therapy? It helped me when I was on my own."

"And what about your mother?" Aqua suddenly deflected. "Would she be happy you're still pushing on in the industry she foisted on you?"

"It doesn't matter," Kana decided too quickly. "Reasons aside, I'm still here because I want to be. She doesn't deserve a place here if she can't understand that."

The tune grew somber. Aqua didn't agree with Kana, but she wasn't about to accommodate the look he was giving her. Eventually, he sighed and refocused on the music with a simple affirmation. The mellow side of Aqua had taken a while to get used to. Kana had always assumed it was a side effect of his near-death experience, but this felt like a darker place, something he'd always had in him that his father had exposed. He treated the world like it would break if he pressed too hard on it, including Kana. She didn't hate it, but it didn't feel like he was giving himself a choice. In his current state, that would only lead to problems. Kana knew that from experience perfectly, and more importantly what needed to be done about it. She rose to her feet, offering a hand to Aqua.

"Let's dance."

"You sure? I only really know idol dances."

Very few people were dancing to the music in front of them. Most were standing around or sitting on blankets like Aqua and Kana. They'd attract a bit of attention, but a few candid Instagram posts would work in Aqua and her favor anyways should the docuseries pick them up. "Humor me."

Aqua acquiesced, taking his girlfriend's hand as she led him through a simple routine like they were doing a slow dance at a wedding, a number rote memorization acting lessons had permanently ingrained in the actress. Kana led him carefully, treating him with the same care he treated the world around him. She took her moment when the song that was playing ended, pulling him in and kissing him quickly on the lips, returning the favor from earlier.

The actor raised his eyebrows, but Kana was gone before he really had time to process what was happening. When his eyes focused on Kana, there was a wild grin on her face. "You don't have a choice, Aqua. I appreciate you telling me about Ai. I really do. But there's more to it than that. She's not the only thing that's eating at you, is she? You're stronger than that."

If asked to explain, Kana wasn't sure how she would do it. Aqua's act and who he actually was were indistinguishable on most days. But just then, the difference between Aqua's pauses and the way he spoke told her that he was choosing between two truths rather than a truth and a lie. When Aqua lied, it always flowed naturally, to the point that it was often more believable than the truth. The intuition Kana had developed for Aqua's act wasn't something she could teach; it had to be experienced to understand it.

"The Aqua you're describing sounds heartless. I wouldn't want to meet him."

"I'll forward you his resume, you'd get along. In the meantime, you're going to open up and get better, and it'll be because you actually accepted that you need me and I need you."

"You're right." He still didn't internally believe it. Kana tightened her grip.

"I'm serious. I know I can't be Ai or Ruby, but I'm still going to fight so I can be your idol. That being said, I can't be the only star in your sky if you keep your eyes shut."

"You already are." He leaned in for a kiss, but Kana kept him at bay with a glare.

Rather than let the clumsy moment fester, Kana moved her boyfriend along to the next song, a slightly faster number she vaguely recognized. "Listen to me, Aqua. I've burned out once already, so I'm not afraid to do it again, but I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to know that the time we spend apart is worth it, that we're going somewhere we both want to be together. It doesn't have to be right now, but promise me you'll open up to me first when you're ready. I can't walk down this road without you."

Aqua's smile nearly melted all of Kana's resolve. He was seriously considering what she said, but she could tell her best efforts hadn't quite reached the heart of the matter tonight. "When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know. And for what it's worth, I've never lied about how I feel about you, Kana. If you'll have me, I won't go anywhere without you."

"Join me in America then," Kana insisted, seizing on the one card she had left to play as she felt tears threatening her again. "I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. I still have to get the truth out of you."

The actor's expression was unreadable for a moment before he nodded kindly. "Alright. I'll get in contact with Director Gotanda about that role and see if I can work something out with Miyako. And I haven't lied to you about Ai, Kana. But if you think there's something more to it, you're welcome to try and get it out of me."

His challenge was ideal. The star in Aqua's eye hadn't changed its hue, yet the tender way he held her as they stepped in off-beat time to the music told a completely different story. Being an actor meant being a liar. Both Kana and Aqua had gotten too used to presuming they couldn't trust what the person in front of them was saying. As much as she loved the lies Aqua told for her sake, she couldn't allow herself to be the only beneficiary of their relationship, and he was finally, finally giving her the chance to reciprocate using the domain she knew best.

"That sounds perfect."

Aqua had agreed to take a step forward. All Kana needed to do now was trust her boyfriend and his wonderful lies about her being his only idol until she could get to the truth. For the first time that night, Kana found a task she could succeed at effortlessly. She pulled herself nearer to Aqua, giving him a close-up view of the most radiant smile she could muster that he did his best to reciprocate. As long as Aqua kept his promise to look for that smile, they had nothing to be worried about.