Hello everybody and happy new year!

I know some of you have been missing Mihawk, so the good news, he's back. For the bad news, see the end of the chapter notes in case of some sensitive info (other than you are already used with me I would say^^')

That being said, enjoy...

To catch a hawk

-Mihawk-

He took a deep breath, enjoyed the feeling for as long as it would last, for as long as he could breathe freely and his muscles were relaxed. He knew very well that it would only be the case for a few more hours. By the next morning at the latest, it would be gone, the tension would rise again, his walls would have to be unconquerable again, everything controlled and unbreakable. But for this soft moment, he enjoyed the freedom of his body, which his greed rarely granted him, only after a fight, only after such a fight.

He wouldn't admit it out loud, but the Redhair Pirates had been a welcome change from the frail marines. They had been on their way to the East Blue, where Mihawk and his crew had just come from. He didn't like this impetuous Shanks, but he was one of the very few Mihawk could really fight, satisfy his greed at least for a few hours, appease his monster.

The plan had been simple. Mihawk had wanted to fight seriously once again, but the crew had been exhausted from the long journey and the many Navy attacks – it was almost amusing how the World Government sent its dogs after him as if they hadn't learned from the previous years – so he had sent them ahead with Jiroushin, to Sasaki. Mihawk would have wished for a different place – for so many reasons – but he knew that his vice captain had been plagued by homesickness, he hadn't been home for almost half a year and even if it couldn't be less important to Mihawk, he didn't want to deny Jiroushin to return to Sadao, to return to her. He didn't really know what Jiroushin saw in her. Yes, she was pretty, yes, her family was wealthy and had earned his family's respect, but she was so inconspicuous, so... ordinary.

He sighed softly. Actually, it was a perfect plan. He had been able to fight for a few days and his crew had been able to use those days to recover. He might give them another day or two, but then he wanted to sail on, didn't want to stay longer than necessary on these accursed islands. Of course, he was aware that he had by now reached the age to take up his inheritance, his name, but he couldn't be more indifferent to that. The sooner he could turn his back on these islands, the better.

Annoyed, he clicked his tongue. Well, this was his own fault now, he had pondered too much, and noticed now how the constant restlessness grew in him again. It hadn't even lasted until sunset.

But in the twilight, he could now make out the islands, his islands, as Jiroushin liked to remind him, but he didn't care. His father had been indifferent to them, why should he care about them now?

But something caught his attention. The closer he got to Sasaki, the sharper he could make out the ships at the small harbor and his own, which carried his Jolly Roger, was not among them. Shaking his head, he snorted. So Jiroushin had taken all the rabble along to Sadao? Had probably not been able to wait any longer to see this Lirin again. Well, maybe it was for the better, after all, the Oseberg was an impressive ship and not everyone had to know that he was sailing in these latitudes.

He was about to pass Sasaki and head straight for Sadao, when he noticed the person on the pier, surrounded by dusk, and his Coffin Boat kept its original course.

When he reached the dock, the horizon was just swallowing up the sun, but the darkness had never troubled him.

"Dracule Mihawk," she said, and walked up to him, her whole body trembling, her eyes filled with unwept tears, but none dared to escape while she was staring him down, "you're late."

He looked at her, she was only a few centimeters shorter than him, but he almost forgot that. He couldn't remember the last time someone had stared at him like that, even after seconds still withstanding his gaze.

"Where is my crew?" he asked.

"The others are safe. On Sadao," she said. "But where have you been?"

He didn't say anything while she kept eye contact.

"Did you have your fun? A fight? A kill?" She took a deep breath and every tremor in her voice was gone. "Jiroushin followed you of his own free will, decided to leave the Navy behind, because of you, just because of you. And where have you been?"

"Where's Jiroushin?"

"They have him! Him and Makoto. Taken along, just like that. He knew it. He knew they were coming, sent the crew, your crew, to Sadao. They don't know what's going on, they have no idea; I wasn't allowed to say anything. But I was here, I was there, at the negotiation. Their lives for the others. Their lives for yours!"

Now she took another deep breath and held her abdomen.

"I thought you were the captain, but where were you when your crewmembers sacrificed themselves for you?" She took another step towards him. "It didn't matter to me whether he was a soldier or a criminal, whether he was here or followed you across the oceans, but Mihawk, woe betide you if you don't bring my Jiroushin back home to me, woe betide you if you deny this child their father. You may shirk all your responsibilities, your family, these islands, even us, the inhabitants of your islands, who depend on your protection, on your decisions. But don't you dare to shirk your responsibilities as captain. I don't care how you do it. I don't care what it costs you, but if you're even half the man Jiroushin sees in you, then grow up already and face your responsibilities!"

He looked at her, didn't know what to say for a moment and then he knew what to do. He turned and went back to his boat.

"Don't worry," he said coolly, almost slowly, and looked back at her for a moment. "I'm going to bring him home. I will free Jiroushin and Makoto, no matter what it may cost me."

She took a deep breath and then nodded. "Good, then get on your way."

Something was different, he couldn't tell exactly what it was. It was almost as if he had expected this to happen at some point. For months, the World Government had been trying to get its hands on him, too powerful, too knowing, too dangerous. No, it didn't even surprise him. But he had thought he would react differently. Angry, furious, with such uncontrolled greed that his monster could overpower him at any time.

But he wasn't. His mind was clearer than perhaps it had been for years, a cold rationality had spread inside him, to which even his monster had to submit. A few hours ago, he had complained about the growing tension in his muscles, but now everything was hard and cold.

He ignored the Navy ships that crossed his path, obviously confused whether they should attack him, but they weren't even worth the trouble anymore. Once at the Red Line, he left his boat, ignored the elevator, which was far too slow, ignored the guards, the soldiers, and whoever. They were all unimportant, some marginal figures, not even worth mentioning.

"Dracule Hawk Eyes Mihawk."

"I have received your invitation."

He heard roaring soldiers from behind, but a wave was enough to silence them. Mars lowered his hand, but it was Saturn who spoke again, "You are a little early. We had not expected you yet. Only in an hour; and we had expected significantly more... destruction."

"I don't think much of wasting time."

"Well then," Mars said now, "it is nice to see that you have accepted our invitation, Hawk Eyes. You can retreat, he poses no threat to us."

Something deep inside him wanted to rebel as the soldiers followed that order. To show these pompous snobs how much of a danger he posed, but nothing happened. He didn't move while the gate slammed shut behind him and he was finally alone with them, with the Five Elders.

"It was not easy to reach you," Warcury said now, as if they had tried to call him. "You have caused us a lot of work... and high losses."

"What do you want from me?" But he knew the answer.

Nusjuro clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Don't think we're stupid, lad. You know very well what we want, and we know very well that you will agree. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here."

"Where are my crewmembers?"

"They must just have reached Impel Down," Saturn remarked, almost frivolously. "So you should hurry up with your decision. Once they get to level 6, they will never see the light of day again."

And suddenly it clicked, as if he heard his father's hated voice in the back of his head. It might be a matter of life, of his crewmembers, but at the end of the day, this was nothing more than a negotiation. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, the world was a different place. He knew the end of this negotiation, he knew what was going to happen, what had to happen. Perhaps he had known it from the beginning, when he had walked through the gate in his back, on his journey here, already during the first attacks of the Navy, but he had held on to the old world and now it had been torn out of his fingers.

"I demand to see them; I will not sign anything beforehand."

He looked at them, but his view of them had changed. A few breaths ago the world had been a different place, the men before him had been different, but now they were only pompous figures who deserved nothing but his boundless contempt.

"If you don't sign the contract, we won't release them."

He ignored the beard-guy, stared down at the swordsman. They wanted to play? Oh, they should not underestimate him. "You have already captured them once and you have my islands under observation. There is no risk for you to release them. But as soon as I have signed, my basis for negotiation dwindles. Therefore, I will not get involved in anything else. First they will be released, then we can negotiate."

He registered how they exchanged glances.

"It will take a few hours."

"The Tarai current is fast; my patience may last that long."

Again, they exchanged glances.

"A warship will take you to Marine Ford. There you can wait for them at the gate." Portwine stain raised a warning hand. "But don't you dare to try and hide from us afterwards. If you do, we'll burn down your islands and all your crewmates, and even you won't be fast enough to stop us."

It was strange, the time seemed to pass differently than before. A cold calm filled him and now he stood there and waited. Until the gate opened.

He knew that the Five Elders had lied, it had taken too long, he had taken too long, his fight against Redhair had lasted too long. Yet, even though he had known it, even though this cold calm filled him, something in him, deeply hidden, so suppressed, something within him wanted to...

"The prisoners."

He could already make out Makoto behind the soldiers, his ugly Hawaiian shirt was missing, revealing his shoulder with the huge tattoo that hid an old scar. His wounds had been badly cared for, maybe not even cared for at all, but he smiled, as always, Makoto always smiled. One reason Mihawk did not really like him, so annoyingly friendly, so ingratiatingly kind, but he was the best, that was why he was part of his crew, this gentle giant, as they all called him.

"Captain," it escaped him, his smile growing, but it did not reach Mihawk as his cold calm hardened.

He had been late, so Makoto had not just been on his way to Impel Down. It could not have been many days. Three or four, hardly enough, one might think, hardly enough to break someone, to torture someone, but Mihawk knew better.

His crewmembers were the best in their respective fields, so he had chosen them, regardless of their other character traits. Niwashi would probably have enjoyed these three or four days as a short vacation, finally undisturbed by annoying crewmembers, Sado would have endured it, somehow. But Makoto, of all people, the gentle giant who always smiled and never argued, never fought. No wonder they had taken him, too, him with all his knowledge. All the secrets he could reveal to them if they broke him.

"Mihawk."

Jiroushin did not smile, he stared at him in disbelief, from under his swollen eyebrow. Those days might not be enough to break him, but he too had experienced the suffering on his own body. He probably blamed himself for not being able to tilt the negotiations in Makoto's favor, despite all his versatility and brilliance.

He said nothing when they approached him. There was no relief, no joy or gratitude to see them alive, to know that they would soon be free. It was cold, he did what he had to do, he had no room for other emotions.

Some busybody in a navy coat turned to him. "These are the keys to the shackles. They will be handed over to you after the negotiations. Until then, the shackles remain intact and armed."

His gaze slid to the chunky rings around the wrists of the two prisoners.

"Open each shackle individually with those keys," he ordered the soldier. "I want to convince myself that this is not a bad trick."

"What's going on here?" Jiroushin asked, but Mihawk ignored him as the soldier did as he was told. Under Mihawk's gaze, he opened a ring, closed it again, then the next. "Mihawk."

"You are going to be taken to Sasaki now," he explained curtly. "Your wounds will be treated. You will wait at Sasaki in the manor for my arrival, that is an order."

"In the manor?" Jiroushin asked. "You don't mean...?"

"Yes, you will wait in my parents' house for further instructions from me. Lirin should be waiting for you there."

Jiroushin and Makoto exchanged uneasy glances.

"What about the others, Captain," Makoto asked. "Are they safe?"

"I will take care of that."

He turned and walked away, heard Makoto calling after him, but they would obey, of course they would, after all, he had given them an order.

"Captain, there you are at last!"

"Well, did ya give that redhair rascal a good talking?"

"You've taken your time, Captain."

"If you're looking for Jirou and Makoto, the two... Captain?"

His limbs were heavy when he stepped on the planks of the pirate ship. The fight against Redhair felt like half a lifetime ago. A whole life.

"Gather everyone on the deck," he said calmly. Of course, he noticed how they exchanged glances, but Eros, Onamatsu, and John disappeared below the deck, because his word was law.

"What's going on?" asked Niwashi, the only one on board who dared to talk to him like that. "If you want to make a speech, we should first..."

"That will not be necessary," he replied coolly, looking at her, "I will inform Jiroushin and Makoto myself later."

She just made an approving sound, watched him suspiciously, while Eros came out of the kitchen with Sado.

"Captain, if you give me another ten minutes, dinner will be ready," he grumbled and threw a cloth over his shoulder.

"What I have to say will take less."

In the next moment, the others reappeared, Maja, as always, the last, dirty and with new holes in her pants. He did not waste a thought on what she was currently working on, always busy, always tinkering.

He waited until they had all gathered, all ten, two were missing, two from his collection of the very best.

"Ca... Captain?" asked Eros uncertainly.

"I have a decision to tell you," he explained coolly. "With today's contract, I... I have been appointed as Shichibukai of the Seas."

He could see how one or the other wanted to laugh in disbelief, but he did not joke, ever, and they knew that, stared at him in horror.

"What have you...?" Sado did not finish his sentence, shook his head slightly. Of course, the Navy had been pursuing them for weeks, the World Government had been courting him for months in one way or another, far too often his crew had made fun of it, far too often he had bloodily rejected the request.

"How could you?" hissed Niwashi. "A chain dog of the World Government?! How could you do that to us...?!"

"I want to make one thing clear," he interrupted her, not in the least impressed. "I took on the title as Shichibukai. The contract was only concluded with me, and I have no intention of sharing this title with others."

"But Captain!"

"As captain, I hereby declare the crew disbanded." He cut off every single word of protest with just one look. "All records about you have been destroyed, so you can start a new life. Do what you want with the ship and all belongings on board. I do not need it anymore."

He heard them calling after him, but he left, did not even turn around, it would not have made any difference. Seeing their anger, sadness, confusion, or whatever would not have made any difference. Their feelings would not change the situation.

Most of them hated the Navy, hated the World Government, just as he hated the Navy, hated the World Government, and now they would hate him.

He left Sadao, no longer thinking about his former crew. That time was now over. This life was now over. He probably would not see any of them again and if he did, he would probably kill a former crewmember.

When he reached Sasaki, dusk was near. There was a lot going on in the streets, but the voices of the strangers did not reach him, their looks did not interest him.

"Captain, there you are." Makoto smiled, as always. He was crouching in the garden in front of the old mansion that Mihawk hated so much. "I'm sorry I didn't quite do as you ordered, but you know how it is with those buildings, the narrowness."

Maybe it should surprise him, but neither on Sadao nor now he was touched by it.

"Makoto," he explained coldly as he casually opened the shackles, "you were not there, so I will tell you now. I have just come from Sadao, where the others have been waiting. I have disbanded the crew, and I am no longer your captain."

"Wa... what?" And even now he was still smiling, stunned. "But... but you're the captain."

"No more, you are free to go." He walked past the other.

"No!" The ship's doctor grabbed him by the wrist, his paw so huge that he wrapped half of Mihawk's forearm. "No! 63 years, Captain! I was alone for 63 years and now..."

He fell silent when Mihawk looked at him.

"I told you back then. This crew was not a family, I only let all of you on board for rational reasons. You are no exception, and you know that I never liked you."

Tears welled up.

"But... but Captain... What am I supposed to do without you? You're my..."

"This behavior is unnecessary. You are a free man, and I am not your master, I never was, I never wanted to be. But now I want you to leave this island, this instant. You are no longer the subject of my leadership." He opened the door. "If you hurry, you can catch up with Niwashi or Dario. I am certain one of them would love to give you orders."

It was quiet in the house. For a moment he heard the howling from the garden, then it slowly became quieter as Makoto complied with his words. Even now he complied with his words.

Then he walked through the dark hallway into the fireplace room. Half a breath he imagined the shadow of his father sitting on the sofa, but of course he was not there. Only Jiroushin.

"You disbanded the crew?" His whisper wafted in the air like those long-gone memories, broken and weak. "I could hear Makoto crying even from here. You could have broken it to him more gently."

"As a Shichibukai, I have no need for a crew," he explained coolly, handing the key to the other. "Your files have been neutralized. If you still have valuables on the ship, you should make your way to Sadao quickly. Who knows what else will happen to them."

"Valuables, huh?" Jiroushin sat in the chair and opened his shackles, his face hidden in the shadows, his back turned to Mihawk, his voice hollow. Mihawk rolled his eyes, this many emotions were unwanted. They had both known that he would not lead this crew forever, so Jiroushin did not have to take out his mourning clothes now. "Lirin is in the hospital."

…

"What?"

Jiroushin turned to him, his eyes swollen with tears.

"She was brought to Sarue before I arrived, and as soon as we have spoken, I will go to her." His lower lip trembled. "She lost it, Mihawk. We lost our child."

Something stirred in him, deep inside him, when he saw Jiroushin crying. He had seen him bawl so many times, Jiroushin had clung to him so many times, but right now he just looked up at him and cried, and something inside him...

"Files, valuables, what do I care. I lost my child." He turned away. "They tried to save… but... not yet six months... and just because I... just because I..."

"Just because I wanted to fight Shanks."

Jiroushin stared at him.

"No... no," he said between two hiccups and shook his head. "That has..."

"This discussion is unnecessary now. You obeyed my command and waited here for me. Go now, go to her."

Almost staggering, Jiroushin stood up and just looked at him, tears running down his face. He seemed to want to reach for Mihawk, maybe to embrace him, but Mihawk gave him the way to the hallway.

He could hear it without Jiroushin having to say it.

A week ago, we were happy.

But that had been a long time ago, a different life.

"Jiroushin," he said when the other was already in the hallway. "I have one last order for you."

He did not look at him, did not turn around, stared at the wall of books in front of him.

"Stay away from me from now on."

"What?"

"Do not try to follow me in my ways again. I am tired of being responsible for you. It is time for us to go our separate ways."

"You can't be serious."

Slowly he turned around, examined Jiroushin from top to bottom.

"Farewell."

That something, deep inside him, gnawed at his monster, but even that did not dare to move, crushed by the cold rationality that filled him.

Jiroushin had opened his mouth, his hand stretched out to him, but Mihawk met his silent plea with deafening dismissal. So he stood there, staring down at Jiroushin until he lowered his gaze, shook his head, and left.

Quietly the front door closed and this little something inside became quiet, very quiet.

Mihawk pulled Yoru off his back, leaned it against the wall and then he sank onto the chair where Jiroushin had just been sitting. His breath went slowly, his heartbeat frighteningly slowly. So he sat in the darkness. The rational part of his thoughts worked out and discarded plans, from the short-term ones like the question of the next meal to... no, he had no long-term plans, no long-term thoughts, even the short-term ones did not interest him.

But one thing he knew. Throughout his life, he had never been able to wait to grow up. He had thought he had become an adult at 12, at the latest when he had joined the Navy, but certainly when he had left and led his own, self-determined life. But slowly he understood, now, here, in chains, all this had been puerilities, reveries, naïve and playful. He had always wanted to be an adult and now he had arrived in the adult world.

He heard the front door fly open, but he did not care. No matter who it was, he could kill anyone without the slightest hesitation.

"Mihawk!"

It was strange. He hated that voice, hated this man, but all he could feel right now was this quiet coldness, not even the hatred could make his anger boil.

"I got here as fast as I could when I heard that Jiroushin..."

"What do you want?" he said without turning around. "I am not in the mood to kill you right now, so get out of here before I change my mind."

But the other did not go.

"Is it true?" he asked instead. "Did you...? Are you...? They called Gat. Your bounty has been frozen."

"And why does that surprise you? That is a common procedure for a new Shichibukai."

He was tired, wanted to finally have his peace.

"So is it really true? Your ship's doctor and Jiroushin were really in Impel Down and you really...?"

"You seem to know everything already, so why are you here? Should I kill a marine on my first day as a Shichibukai? You should not make it that easy for me."

"What about your crew?"

"What about them? The crew no longer exists. Their deeds no longer exist – how convenient to have all the power to be able to turn even the lie into truth, isn't it? - in a few years they will have been forgotten."

The silence was pleasant, he liked it.

"You are still here. What else do you want?"

"I have a request for you. I am well aware that this is probably a truly unfavorable time and that you hate me more than anything in the world."

Hate

Yes, he hated him, so much, but even his hatred had become calm and cold.

"Then speak and do not waste my time anymore."

"I would never have had the audacity to ask. But you now carry your own sword, with which you seem very satisfied." He looked up. Nataku stood there in his navy coat, defenseless, without a chance, it would be easy to kill him, but Mihawk did not even have the leisure to do that. It was... all the same. He did not care about any of that, not anymore. "I've been struggling with my sword Yōki-sa for nine years, but I... I'm no longer the right master. I want to give it up, but I need another sword for that."

"I will never leave Josei with you."

"I ask you for Dansei, as a loan."

Nataku looked at him for a second, then he lowered his gaze as they all lowered their eyes in front of him, just as Jiroushin had just lowered his gaze. Mihawk rose and walked past him, ignoring every questioning look, every unspoken or spoken word.

How he hated this house and how his feet found their way on their own, but even that was cold, just like the hallway. He knew that he hated it, but he was filled with indifference, as if he had lost this feeling and only knew for rational reasons that he had to feel this feeling, even if he no longer perceived it. He could hear Nataku walking behind him, but at his gaze, the soldier stopped.

Mihawk walked into the room alone, the only room that his memories did not associate with hatred. They greeted him, but even their voices seemed to hardly reach him, to hardly be able to fight against this calm.

He went bluntly to the opposite wall, where they hung, dead and mourning. His hand slid over Josei, but there was nothing that could react, a lump of dead steel, but Dansei greeted him.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and took Dansei down. For a moment, he just held it, a feeling of times long past, when things had still been... When the world had still been... When he had still been...

"Never forget, you are mine just as well," he whispered.

Then he turned and left that room.

Nataku seemed almost shocked when Mihawk held out the sword to him.

"You're really giving it to me?"

"And now get out of here."

Almost hesitantly, he accepted it and Mihawk's fingers reluctantly came loose.

"Mihawk. If you like, nothing was ever known about Jiroushin, never anything official, he made sure of that himself. Your father and I... We could vouch for him. He could return to the Navy."

"What do I care what you do or not do. Just leave me in peace."

Nataku looked at him for another moment, then nodded and bowed curtly.

"I thank you for your sword. I will take good care of it."

But when he turned, Mihawk spoke without wanting to. "Wait for a few more days before you reach out for Jiroushin. He is grieving."

Nataku looked at him for a moment.

"Of course, it all happened very quickly, didn't it? Yesterday you were a crew, today..."

"Lirin has lost the child." He ignored the widening eyes. "And now go."

He waited until the front door closed, then he went back to his chair, Yoru's voice the only thing he wanted to hear. So he sat there, in the darkness of the night, waiting, for something.

When the night outside the window grew brighter, he got up, went to the old transponder snail, dialed a number from times gone by. After less than two seconds, the call was answered.

"Kanan," he spoke calmly.

"Your Lordship?" came in surprise from the other side. "You are at home?"

"Obviously," he replied, did not lecture her again about the fact that this place was not his home, that he had not had a home for a long time, that he had given up on the one place that might have begun to be, betrayed that one place, that could have been one day.

"I am sorry I am not there. I will immediately ..."

"Not necessary. I will not stay much longer. Arrange a meeting with Mr. Koumyou for me at noon today. Tell him to prepare everything for the handover. He has filled the position of a guardian long enough; I am now an adult and as the head of the Dracule family I am entitled to the position of leadership."

This chapter mentions child loss during pregnancy. Nothing explicit, nothing gets shown, but it is there, so proceed with caution.