Based on Hey Arnold! characters created by Craig Bartlett. Author claims no copyright.

In their 70s Bob and Miriam Pataki spent a lot of time on cruise ships and golf courses. Bob also had a yacht he powered up every once and a while. Bob was retired from his post as CEO of his beeper-turned-telecom empire, after ceding control of the company to his partner Nick Vermicelli. Miriam had a production job at the Hillwood CBS affiliate that she was retired from. They took full advantage of being freed of parental duties. Interaction with their two daughters and three grandchildren was not much more than throwing money at them on rainy days.

"B, Helga invited us over to dinner," said Miriam to her husband while they were in a golf cart. Bob told her to accept the invitation.

"Mom," asked Phil Shortman, "how come we never see the grandma and grandpa we got from you?" Helga was driving her son to school. "We saw them on Christmas. They gave you the baseball glove you use," said Helga. "That was like three years ago," said Phil, "and it was too big for me then. They thought I was Donny."

Helga pulled up to the drop-off space near P.S. 118. "Ok," she said, "You know how Grandpa Miles laughs with you when he trips and falls? And how Grandma Stella bakes your favorite cookies? They're not like that. Plus they are gone a lot anyway. Have a good day. See you at 3:30." Phil got out of the car with his backpack.

"He asked a reasonable question," said Arnold later that day after hearing about the conversation. "I'm not keen on being around Bob and Miriam. No more than you are. But if we cut them off entirely we're no better than they are." As he often did, Arnold talked his wife into taking the moral high ground when she was in doubt. And so Helga invited her parents over to their house for dinner.

Not a whole lot of love was lost between Arnold and his in-laws. Miriam, despite cleaning up her drinking act a while ago, always seemed too out if it to pay much attention to him whenever they met. Big Bob had rubbed him the wrong way ever since he was a kid. There was the bribe he gave him to lose the spelling bee. Then he called him an orphan like it was a four-letter word at the P.S. 118 parents' day festivities. Plus it was no secret to anyone in the neighborhood how unfairly and neglectfully Helga was treated at home. Helga becoming his wife only amplified his unfavorable view of Bob. Nevertheless, Arnold wanted to set a better example.

Arnold and his father-in-law sat opposite each other on living room chairs. "So, how is your yacht?," asked Arnold. "I haven't used it in a while. Too busy with golf," said Bob. That reminded Arnold of the time when Bob and Grandpa Phil had worked on settling fender benders over golf and tennis matches.

Between the kitchen and dining room, Miriam handed out trinkets from their latest cruise to grandson Phil and granddaughter Amber. One of them was a Bahamas snow globe. "It doesn't snow in the Bahamas, mom," said Helga as she got to work on steak and mashed potatoes. Miriam laughed and said she was right, after taking a few pictures of her grandkids on her phone.

Once everyone made it to the dining room table and dinner was ready, Mickey the greyhound was eager to get some steak scraps. He was eventually fed some under the table. Helga proceeded to ask her folks about their recent cruises. Bob talked about a few people they encountered on them that he thought were idiots. Then he asked his grandson, seated next to him, what position he played in baseball. "Second base, sometimes shortstop, like my dad did," said Phil. Then Bob turned over to Amber to ask if she was playing too. "We're signing her up for tee ball once it starts," said Arnold.

"You're both Patakis, so there's no way youre gonna be losers," said Bob. That was what set Helga off. She got up from the table and walked towards her father, and tapped him on the shoulder. "Bob, come with me," she said with a fiery look in her eyes. They walked down the hall where no one at the table could hear them. Though the family was a bit startled as they walked away.

"Do you ever wonder why we don't have you over that often?," Helga asked her father, looking at him straight in the eye. Then she unloaded by calling him and Miriam out on all the ways they had mistreated her, from not taking her to preschool to not being there for her in her struggle with alcohol. "I mean criminy, you're lucky child protective services didn't come knocking on our door. You rejected me and only cared about Olga, then once she stopped being your perfect wind-up doll you rejected her too. In this house, we don't pick favorites. We treat everyone with respect. Maybe that's not the Pataki way but its our way."

They both walked back to the dining room then. "Ok, ok, you made your point, " said Bob. "Are you sure you're not drinking anymore?"

"So you're a shrink, Arnie?," Miriam asked her son-in-law back at the table before Helga and Bob returned. "Yeah," said Arnold while making sure Phil and Amber were eating their veggies and using their table manners. He didn't like being called Arnie, because that was his cousin's name, but he knew she didn't know better. "B and I went to one for a little while," she said, "then he convinced me that my drinking was the real problem."

Once Helga and Bob returned to the table, silence ensued for a few minutes. Arnold then stood up and asked, "anyone want ice cream?" Phil and Amber enthusiastically said yes. "Thanks but I think its past our bedtime," said Bob. "See ya next time daughter and football heads." He was still processing all that Helga had told him in their exchange. Once Bob and Miriam had left, everyone else had dessert before cleaning up the table and dishes.

Four-year-old Amber and seven-year-old Phil could not fully wrap their minds around her mom pushing their grandpa aside and what that was all about. But they didn't lose sleep over it. They came to the conclusion that their mom was right that their paternal grandparents were nicer.

"What did you say to him?", Arnold asked Helga as they got into bed. Helga recounted most of it, ending with her spiel about how the Shortmans treat people with respect. "Youre not mad at me for making a scene, are you?," she asked. "No," said Arnold, "I think you did the right thing."