9/6 - Sun - Port Island - Iwatodai strip mall - morning - Kazuki
The remaining summer heat beams down on me, warming my body in its powerful rays. Coupled with the Takoyaki shop behind me, it is boiling today. I had bought some, but I just don't feel like eating them now. Ugh, maybe I should watch a movie or something? At least it would get my mind off things for a bit.
"I've been looking for you, Kazuki." Walking up next to me, Shizuka saunters in her usual mood; carrying the air of a mysterious woman. "Is your phone off?"
"Sorry, it's on silent."
She sits next to me with her leg crossing the other. Her eyes grace upon my Takoyaki.
"You ever eat Takoyaki?" I ask, wondering how sheltered she was.
"A couple of times. May I?"
"Sure."
She throws it into her mouth, carefully chewing on it before swallowing it whole.
"...You're quite melancholy this morning."
"Really? Is it that obvious?"
"Incredibly obvious. So what happened between you and Yamagishi?" Her question took me aback. Why would she even guess that there's an issue between the two of us? "...I only ask because she was in a glum mood as well."
"Oh… Um, it's because of me."
"What did you do?"
"I said something to upset her, and I don't even know what I did wrong."
"That's unusual." Shizuka ponders for a moment, taking another Takoyaki from me. "Can you recall why it started?"
"I'm not so sure, but I think it was because of that shadow from last night. She looked upset that she couldn't find it."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, maybe. It's all going over my head at this point. What do you think?"
Instead of answering me, she eats the Takoyaki in her hand. "Why don't you just apologize?"
"I tried to this morning, but it was too awkward."
What was mild investment turned to irritation when Shizuka looked at me. "Are you kidding me? It's easy! Just apologize!" She's getting angrier and angrier by the second. "...Making an acceptable apology isn't so damn difficult! All you have to do is be forward about the problem, address it, and then say you will try to do better! How is that hard!?"
"It isn't, but–"
"Then do it!"
At this very moment, my body and my heart jump up at the same time. An "eep" is all that I can muster. Scary, super scary!
"Y-you're right… I'll do it when I get back!"
Shizuka almost looks surprised as she looks around to see a few bystanders watching us. She slips her usual stoic expression back on. But her face is definitely red, no way she can hide that.
"A-anyway. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Last night, you used Shadow-mog." Come to think of it, she said she wanted to talk to me in the morning about something last night. "...I told you to not use it."
"I know, but I had no choice. We would have died if I didn't."
"You still have a Persona."
"It wasn't good enough. I needed more power at that moment."
That thing even overwhelmed our senpai. My Persona was never gonna cut it against something like that. Besides, why should I hold it back if I need it?
"...I suppose you have a point, but I just want to be careful with it."
"It's not like anyone is going to think it came from me."
"That's beside the point. We still have no idea what negative results it can have on your body, let alone your mind."
"But I'm fine."
"You may think so, but anything can happen. So just go easy with it and try not to use it too much."
She's failing to hide how concerned she is for me, which is odd since I've never seen her show any proper concern for me before…
"Okay, I won't go overboard with it, and I'll be careful, too."
Her relief is as plain as daylight as she takes another one of my Takoyaki.
"How many are you going to take?" I ask in a flat tone.
"Oh… Well…"
Did she forget her wallet or something? If she said that then I wouldn't mind.
I pass her the whole batch, or whatever's left. "You can have it."
"Are you sure?" she asked me, wide-eyed at the gesture.
"Yeah, I'm not all that hungry. Besides, you practically ate all of them already."
"T-that's untrue!" Once again, her face lights up with a fierce hint of red. Try as she might, her composure falls flat again. "I only ate half of the ones on there in consideration of you, and so–"
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."
Who knew she would be bent out of shape over something like this? Maybe that's cute in itself; the girl who doesn't allow her stoic composure to betray her. Silly as it may be, I think I understand the appeal now.
"Hey, let's head back to the dorm," she suddenly insists.
"Already? But we barely got to hang out?"
"Hangout?"
"Yeah. We never got to hang out together after school, or even during the weekend."
"But…what is there to do?"
Geez, you can't be serious, right? Has she never been out with friends before, or even gone to get something to eat with someone? Then again, I'm the one to talk…
"Don't worry, just follow me around and we'll have tons of fun."
"Again, I am not so sure of–"
I drag her by the arm to the station. "Don't worry. I've been everywhere with Fuu-chan, so I know where everything is at."
A blank expression is all that remains on her pale face. She's too worried over nothing; too much work and no play makes for a sorry pair, at least I think it does.
Port Island Station - Movie theater - morning - Kazuki
Coming out of the theater with my blood pumping and my hands shaking, I gush over the action film we just saw; it was about a robot cop who was sent from the future to kill a future supercriminal when he was a kid. But instead, they both team up to kick ass, and in the end, he went down in flames, with his thumb up… So awesome!
"So, how did you like it? Wasn't it cool!?"
Shizuka, tracing her finger across her chin, gives a serious look. "I wouldn't say it was bad, but how come they had to send him to a far distant past? Couldn't they have just sent the protagonist to a time when they would have known where his target would be? Also, why did they send a second unit instead of sending both of them together? Furthermore…"
"Um, so did you like it?"
Her pensive expression washes away for a moment. "...I did. While there are gaping plot holes and contrivances I cannot ignore, it was…fun. I guess."
If that's all I'm getting out of her, then that's the best I'm getting.
"So, what do you want to do?" I ask her.
"Why do I have to choose?"
"I know I kinda dragged you here, so I think it's fair if you get to choose what we do next."
She slumps into thought. I thought she was the type who never put too much thought into trivial things, but clearly, that isn't the case. Maybe she never had to think about this before? What was her life before coming here?
Port Island - Paulownia Mall - morning
Just arriving at the mall, she leads me without making eye contact. Her body grew stiffer the further we went. We stop in front of a clothes store; specifically a girl's clothing shop. I don't feel all that nervous standing in front of it since I'm here with Shizuka…
"Clothes shopping? Is this what you… Shizuka?"
If she was stiff before, she's downright gone ridged. It's taking every ounce of my will to not call her name out of concern. And don't get me started on her face; she looks like she's cringing at the sight of the store.
"Hey…are you…?"
"I'm leaving."
"Hey! What happened? Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing. I forgot something is all."
"Hold up, Shizu–"
"Kazuki, Shizuka…" A familiar voice calls us from inside the store. Yuka-chan waves at us from inside the store. "When did you two get here?"
"We just got here. Shizuka wanted to come here."
"Really? I didn't know she was interested in fashion."
"How can you tell?"
"This place usually sells stuff you'd see in fashion magazines."
"Wow, that's… Wait! Shizuka, you read fashion–"
At this very moment, every muscle in my body tightens up. An unnerving wave of killing intent crashes onto me from just a single teenage girl. I, Kazuki Kei, am in danger of being erased from this very earth if I keep talking…
"Why don't we go in," Yuka-chan, slicing through the tension without noticing it, says.
"Go in?" Shizuka repeats, trailing off into thought.
"Yeah. Besides, I want to get your opinion on something."
The two, at Shizuka's reluctance, head ahead of me. Well, it might be awkward if I stand outside… But now that I think about it, I don't think going inside is any better. I'll just lean up on the wall for now…
…/Shizuka
Brightly colored clothes assail my sight. They all stand out as "trendy" pieces of fabric. However, what's popular or not should not matter to me. Clothing is clothing; as long as I don't stand out, then I'll wear it.
"What do you think about this one?" Takeba presents a green polo shirt. "It's kinda plain, but it's important to have shirts you can wear on a casual outing."
"Yeah."
"Oh! What about this?" She holds up a pair of thin jeans. "Wait…I think I already have one of these. But what do you think of them?"
"They're fine."
A noticeable expression of dissatisfaction stretches across her face. "Are you just saying that?"
"Sorry…"
"You don't have to apologize, but you should loosen up a little."
"Right…"
We continue to search through the cataloged piles of clothes around the store. A deafening silence looms over us, creating an apprehensive atmosphere around us.
"Shizuka, why did you try to leave earlier?" Takeba speaks up.
"Excuse me?"
"You came here with Kazuki-kun, right? But I noticed you were about to leave before you came in here."
"That's… It was nothing, nothing at all."
"Are you nervous?"
"N–no! I simply had to leave."
"Is this your first time shopping with someone?" Ignoring my question, she hit the metaphorical nail on the head. "...Figured as much. You don't look like the type to hang out after school, or do anything other than return to the dorm."
"That is… I have better things to do after school than mess around."
"But do you want to?"
"Do I want to?"
"I mean, isn't it lonely being on guard like this all the time? Wouldn't it be better to open yourself up a little and have fun?"
I…I'm at a loss for words. Nothing is coming to mind as a response, and my tongue chokes inside my throat.
"...This would look good on you."
She holds up a small, sleeveless, autumn-orange shirt with small knots going from the middle to the collar.
"I don't know."
"Then let's try it on!"
"You mean, right now?"
"Duh. Help me carry some other stuff."
"We're trying on more stuff?"
"You bet!"
This…is too much for me… But, making a hasty escape would be a waste, I suppose… And, I cannot say that I am unhappy with shopping with Takeba; in fact, I feel…normal.
"Takeba, do you think…that these would look good on me?"
A piece of me shrivels up just by uttering the words. As if I had confessed to an indecorous thought.
"Of course, you would. At least, I think so. Maybe you should as well."
I should as well… I…can't.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go."
"Huh!? But–"
Taking no time to hear her out, I leave without another word.
Kazuki, who was leaning next to the entrance, jumps to his feet. "Shizuka? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just leave me."
"Hold on, are you okay!? Why are you leaving?"
"This…this was a mistake! I should not have come out here!"
"Why, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing, really… Just leave me alone."
I walk off without another word. Kazuki stands there, baffled at the turn of events. They wouldn't understand, and I don't want anyone to know. Even for a moment, I dropped my guard around him and Takeba; it wouldn't be happening again.
Iwatodai Dormitory - evening - Kazuki
The rest of the day blew by in the blink of an eye. I hit up the arcade, but it was boring by myself. There's nothing of note to mention other than that.
The first people I see in the lobby are Sanada-senpai, Ken, and Aragaki-senpai. Great, just great. Whenever they're around each other, the room gets quiet, and they all get stiff around each other. Ken's always glancing at Aragaki-senpai while Sanada-senpai takes subtle looks at both of them. Aragaki-senpai just ignores both of them and never takes his eyes off the TV.
Me, and the other 2nd years do the best we can to avoid them. It's not like we don't like them, but getting in the middle of this is too much.
Luckily, they don't pay me any attention while I head for the stairs. Going straight down the hall, and facing my room, my knuckles hover in front of the door. What the heck am I gonna say? I know I have to say sorry, but how? It definitely can't be like, "Sorry". No, no… Maybe… "I didn't mean to hurt you"... Damnit, that's not right either! I wanna do this right, but if I don't know what to apologize for, then how am I going to do this right?
Suddenly, the door swings open. Fuu-chan's eyes dart up to mine. She scrunches her face, looking away from me. Can't blame her, I'm practically doing the same thing.
"H-hey…" That's all? Come on, I need to do better! "Ca-can we talk? About last night, I mean.'
"Oh, um, yes. Yes!"
She's as tense as me. It beats her being angry though.
I walk in and she shuts the door behind me. We stand around in awkward silence. Guess I'm gonna have to break the ice.
"Fuu-chan, I'm–"
"I'm sorry," Fuu-chan finishes for me.
"But– Wait, I thought I…"
"...It doesn't matter now. So, can we forget about it?
I…um…this…this is so weird! Something doesn't feel right about this… But, I can't help but agree. Thinking about it isn't getting us anywhere, and I don't want this depressing mood to carry on. "...Yeah, let's just forget about it."
Her expression brightens 10 fold, becoming almost too much for me to bear. A sliver of guilt gnaws at me from the deepest part of my heart. Whatever, it doesn't matter. We'll both go back to how things usually are, that's good enough for me…
Iwatodai Dormitory - Shizuka Rin's room - Evening - Shizuka
Plain, white striped walls surround me from every corner. All the bare essentials are here, organized neatly for convenient use. However, it is not what you would call "homely". Anything that would create a sense of familiarity or attachment is missing.
My gear, records, and other vital items are hidden in a hidden compartment I made. Shutting off the hidden camera made it easy to hide whatever I speak of, let alone do, in here, but I cannot risk who I actually am to be discovered. However, holding up in this room for my stay here is ill-advised. Mingling with the other residents of the dorm every now and then will fend off suspicion.
However, up until now, I've done my best to distance myself from these people. Creating an ideal version of myself that people would be fine with, living in a way that can be considered normal, and above all else, keeping my distance. Yet, despite that, my vulnerabilities keep showing.
Especially today! I mean, it's just– Gah! I just had to enter that damned store. Hell, I was practically forced to! Then Takeba rambles on about opening up! So annoying…! She doesn't understand…nobody can…
Standing in front of the mirror above my sink, I take off my shirt. There are numerous scars etched onto my body. Each of them made surgically. It's easy enough to hide it with magic and no one will be none the wiser, but it doesn't matter…
"...That's all I see."
All I ever see in the mirror is a disfigured person, and no clothing will ever change that. A monster can't be beautiful.