If You're No One And You Know It... (High School DxD SI Chapter 5)

Akira and I were on the school rooftop, leaning against the rails, watching Eri's second attempt at confessing to Kouji.

"Hey," Akira spoke up without turning to me, keeping his eyes on the school ground below. "You're okay with this, right?"

"Huh?" I turned to Akira to see him looking at me from the corner of his head, before gesturing with his head below to Eri and Kouji who were now hugging. "Yeah, of course I am."

"Was kinda worried you developed a crush on her, now that you're not skittish around her." Akira had a teasing smirk.

"Yeah, well, teenage guy here. Basically anything cute, sexy and has curves is attractive so fuck off." I said looking away, hearing only Akira's laughter behind me. I looked back down at the couple and smile. "To tell the truth, yeah. I think I do have a crush on her, but that's all it is. This? This outcome...it feels right." I looked at Akira from the corner of my eye, to see him looking at me with a patient smile. "I'm not...really good as a boyfriend to anybody right now. I would have just ruined things between us, and our friendship with you guys, and honestly..." I lowered my head to rest on my arms, and to hide my face. "That would probably suck more than anything."

It hit me right then how...emotional and sappy that sounded, and couldn't help but feel my face heat up, blood shoot to my ears.

Akira however didn't laugh at me. Maybe he was just staying silent to save me the embarrassment.

"You always say 'yet', you know that." Came Akira's non-sequitur.

"Huh?" I looked back to him, to see him leaning on the rail on one side, as he turned to face me.

"In some form, whenever you're in one of your 'crap on myself' moods about something you can't do-"

"Screw you." I muttered.

"-Heh," he grinned with a chuckle. "You always finish it saying 'yet'. As in, you can't do it now, but you hope to be able to in the future."

"Huh," I thought about it for a bit. I never thought about it, but yeah, it's something I just said automatically, I guess. "Yeah, I guess I do." I stood up from leaning on the rail, but kept my hands on it. "I should probably stop doing that. Giving myself false hope. Also I'll just feel like shit putting off another thing I should work on, while keeping myself attached to the idea that I should go back to it."

"Honestly I would be more worried if you did."

"Hmm?" I looked back to see Akira standing straight like me, also keeping a hand on the rail. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think you notice, but you never really quit an idea. You just put it on a back burner to work on later, which yeah, it's bad management, but..." Akira paused for a moment. "The fact that you never want to quit is kinda admirable in it's own way. I would honestly be more worried if you fully quit. If...you stop being attaching to anything, be it ideas, stuff you wanna learn or projects you want to do because...soon enough you might do the same with people."

"You...watch too many anime to be able to say that with a straight face." I chuckled and looked away.

But Akira didn't laugh back, or say anything. Silence just suddenly fell upon us. I looked back to see him still looking at me with the same serious expression.

Living in an anime world is sometimes...confusing and difficult, because when people say cheesy stuff like Akira just did, you would expect to hear that subtle tone of them...not fully committing to what they're saying. That they realize it sounds silly. But no, here they don't do that. A lot at least. It comes off as sincere.

He genuinely is trying to tell me something and...I don't feel like I can reciprocate that honestly.

But...I want to.

"What do you want me to say?" I said back, almost accusingly. I inwardly flinched right as I said it in such a harsh tone. I didn't mean to sound hostile, but...

"Nothing." Akira shook his head. "Eri would try to directly act to help. Kouji would do the same...but less thought out." Both of us chuckled at that. "But, while I would say I would take action if you need me to do something, right now I'm saying, whenever you want, I'm here to listen."

I looked back at Akira staring calmly and openly at me. I turned away, crossing my arms and leaning on the railing, looking down at the school ground, but staring at nothing specific.

"I..." It felt like the air just went back into my throat, as said throat dried up and closed up. Like the words were locked back and refused to come out before I ever tried to same them. "It's always..." What do I say? I'm jealous of people who things, school and life comes easy to? It sounds so stupid, childish and silly. Like I'm an even worse person for that being my hang up. "I don't know what to say." I didn't say that as a retort, but because I geuninely didn't know what to say, given the opportunity to actually open up.

"Wherever you want to start." Akira copied my stance, leaning on the rail next to me.

"...You know what I was a kid," start at the beginning, right? "I was seen as a genius." I sighed for a long while, as if trying to push out the blockage in my throat, of words that refuse to come out. "I hate the word 'smart'." I finally growled out. "Seriously, that's the worst possible thing you can say to a child. Makes it seem like if they didn't get a concept right away, from the first time, then something is wrong with them. And 'nice'. Fuck the word 'nice'. It makes it seem like as long as you're quiet and don't cause trouble, that's all the manners and social skills you need to learn." I scoffed loudly. "I got things easy when I was in kindergarten and primary school.

"All the things I was taught were just so...easy to get." I ran a hand through my hair, stopping to pull lightly on it to focus on the here and now. "And everyone thought I was special, so I act...I thought that was the case too. I didn't even need to study, I got the lessons, I was always the best at school. Even if there were others that were as quick as me, or later caught up, that was fine, that was good. It was fun even." I chuckled. "Then enter middle school and...turns out, I'm not as smart as I thought. Things," math equations came to mind. "Started getting more complex, and I didn't get them as fast. I..." I chuckled again, but this time it sounded almost like I was crying. I wasn't, thankfully. No tears, or watery eyes. "I was no longer the Golden Child that got a hundred at everything.

"I was still among the top of my year, I just wasn't the best." I gritted my teeth, and kept pushing forward. I felt Akira's hand on my shoulder, while keeping his distance. It felt nice. I was grateful he didn't put his arm around my shoulders, I think that would have felt entrapping. "Of course, mom and dad were appalled. I was less than perfect. I felt they were right, I should have been able to keep doing as well as I was doing. So, I buckled down and focused, I even tried to work on other things." I was about to mention my fail publishing attempts, but...no, that was too much. "Extracurricular activates. You know, go above and beyond. Excel and all that.

"But no, I kept failing down from perfect. They complained more, so I focused solely on school but...I still couldn't reach the top, wasn't even possible anymore. Tsubasa tried to help in her own way, show me that there's more to life than school." I sneered, wanting to growl at the memory that came up. "She took me to some mixers, so I would interact with other people, maybe even network if I'm lucky. It was pitiful, I was pathetic. I realized at that point I didn't even fucking know how to talk to girls, people in general, that I never changed." That line was wrong. I shouldn't even elude or hint to a past life. No, stop thinking. Keep talking. "And of course my grades dropped to being in the high 80s percentile. As you would expect my parents were beyond disappointed. ...And at that point I stopped trying. I was tired."

"You got into Kuoh." Akira pointed out, removing his hand, as he went back to standing next to me.

I scoffed with a chuckle. "No, I just played the numbers. You only need to have a certain mean average to pass the entrance exam. So I focused on three subjects out of the five to get at least 90 in, and 65 in the rest. I managed to get almost a 100 in the Japanese and English language courses, and go 80 something in History. Math and Science were a pass, and that was good enough. Also Kuoh was looking for male students, so it was bound to accept applicants, as long as they weren't too bad." Also Tsubasa was in Sona's Peerage at that point, so she likely tilted the scales in my favor in that sense.

"You do realize that's actually impressive, right?" Akira pointed out.

"Compared to you?" I looked back. "Compared to Eri? Compared to so many others at this school? Honestly, it almost seems like I was accepted out of pity." I looked away, drowning in my thoughts.

It felt good to vent. To just verbally cry out, and just let my misery engulf my surroundings, as if my pain was somehow something sacred that shouldn't be criticized or healed.

And I hated myself for it all that more.

How arrogant was that? How pathetic was it to revel in your own sorrow, so others would feel sorry for you?

Fucking disgusting.

"Hey," Akira shook my shoulder a bit. "Look," he pointed and I saw Eri and Kouji heading back into the school building hand in hand, likely going to come here and meet us. "You did that."

I blinked a few times at the words, before looking Akira, wondering where he was going with this.

"Yeah, you could say someone else could have done the same, but it wasn't. It was you. You were in the right place at the right time. So," Akira smiled and tapped my chest with his fist. "Take credit for your wins would ya? And whenever you feel the call of the void, remember we're here, and they're how they are, because of you, okay?"

It took me a moment to parse what he said, before a laugh erupted from my throat.

"Blunt, you know that." I chuckled as did Akira. I looked back at the school ground, and then down over the railing. "Thing is, even if I feel the call of the void," my body tensed, my hands tightened on the rails before I even noticed. "The moment I start to imagine the scenario of falling, my body moves to make sure I don't fall." I took a step back, and looked toward Akira, my body relaxing as I moved away from the railing. "I guess, my self-preservation instincts are greater than the call of the void. At the end of the day, it's easier to endure. I'm too much of a coward to end it and I'm too much of a coward to challenge or change my circumstances. I'm just..." I looked down and sighed, before looking back up feeling exhausted, but...maybe relieved? "Existing, hoping that things get better."

"Well," Akira grinned in happy way, that he rarely showed, except when our group was alone. "I'm glad you did. I wouldn't have met you otherwise."

My eyes watered, tears fell at the side of my cheek, before I could focus to hold them back or stop. The feeling of burning in my eyes wasn't there. Instead, a warm glow blossomed in my chest.

And the door to the roof opened as the joyous Eri and Kouji walked through, as I quickly tried to cover my face, and wipe away the tears.

"Wah!? Why is Jiro crying?" Eri of course noticed.

"Who did it, Jiro! Who bothered you! Tell me and I'll set them straight!" Kouji slammed a punch into his open palm.

"Oh, he's just so happy for your guys, he couldn't help but start crying." Akira chimed.

I started coughing saying that I agreed, while waving away their concern. I gave Akira a glared unnoticed by Eri or Kouji that I was gonna get back at him for this.

The fucker just grinned, saying to bring it on.

The sky was red, the sun was setting and the streets were surprisingly not silent.

There was the occasional passing car. People walking about and talking. The sounds of the town around me brimming with life.

It wasn't loud, but I don't think I noticed it before. Always stuck in my own head. But there was a tranquility to Kuoh that I never stopped to take in before.

I said goodbye to Akira Kouji and Eri as went talk to our homes, before going our separate ways. I thought back to my talk with Akira and...It felt nice. I didn't mind it. I didn't even feel that embarrassed about it.

Okay maybe there was that part were I complained about not being able to get a date, or when I cried-

Okay stop thinking.

Although that talk did bring to mind my sister. I should apologize to her for being so harsh, since I hanged out with Eri yesterday. She was trying to help, even if what she was doing was based on the wrong assumption and wasn't helping.

My body moved aside, as I jumped away from another person walking on the same side walk. I didn't collide with them, while lost in thought. Good.

The person started sniffing loudly. Weird...and creepy.

They had white hair, and were dressed like a priest-

Coldness shock through my chest, and into my feet, as I recognized who it was. Maybe it wasn't them, but I needed to get away just in case. I never stopped walking, but now I was moving at a brisk pace.

"Haaa, honestly what is with this town? You can't walk two feet without smelling some shit fucking devil worshipping heretics."

I shouldn't look back. I should just keep moving. No, I should run!

I looked back, and meet the eyes of Freed Sellzen looking right at me.

"What's the matter, little piggy? You look afraid? Is the little porky heretic just realizing-"

I ran.

My mind almost not realizing the action I'd taken before I forced myself to focus on doing it, and put more power into my legs.

"Hey, you shitty devil cock sucking pig. I was talking to you."

I nearly chocked as I felt my momentum arrest itself. Freed had grabbed me by the school bag.

I untangle myself from the school bag, that was lighter in his hand, without me attached to it. I pushed on the bag and against him, hoping that it would throw him off, then took off running again.

I didn't look to see if that stumbled him, or did anything.

I took my school jacket, to have something on hand.

"Hey, little piggy! Don't you know pushing others is rude-!" Freed was next to me.

I threw the jacket in his face, and turned to run in the other direction.

"HELP! ANYBODY HELP!"

I needed to go home-

No! My parents are home. I need to go to school!

There was a sound of something zipping, and I looked back.

Fuck! Curse my stupidity, why am I looking back!?

"THERE'S CRAZY KILLER! HELP!"

I focused on looking forward and running. I had seen Freed take out that freaking lightsaber and slash the jacket in half.

"Honestly, you know what? I'm never been on a boar hunt before. Isn't that what all the posh people do in golly ol' England?" Freed cried out, sounding like he's right behind me. "Fine, let's play the hunting the fat heretic fuck game!"

A bullet zipped past my head, gun fire happening instantly with it.

Shit!

I ducked and focused on more speed. I felt like I was running in slow motion, as more and more light bullets came close by, making me run in a ziggzag like manner to avoid getting shot.

Freed's laughter echoed in my ear.

I saw a gate to a housing area, and didn't think, dashing in it to avoid the bullets by walls.

I ran past confused and angry people.

"HELP! THERE'S A MADMAN!"

I didn't stop who knows if that fucking psycho is there. I thrust my hands in my pocket, and took out my phone calling Tsubasa.

"Hey, Jiro!" Came the cheerful voice of my sister. "How are-"

"EXORCIST AFTER ME!" I shouted.

"What? What are you talking-"

"Crazy guy, fucking lightsaber and gun. Fired on me. Going to school."

I looked around, trying to think of where to run to next. Where am I now?

"What!? Okay, don't worry. Yes, head to school! Dammit! Do you have any of the paper contracts on you?"

I heard a rush from next to me, and jumped.

No, it was some small dirty stray cat, that jumped and ran away scared from me.

"No! I don't have any fucking-"

Pain shot from my shoulder, like ice pierced through it. I dropped the phone.

"Hey now! Calling your shitty devil friend is cheat~!" I could hear the grin in that psycho voice. "But then again, maybe I should get my friends too. Hmm, which do you think, cheater?"

I didn't answer, just running more. I got onto the street and dash down one. Thankfully I quickly realized where I am quick, and choose the right one. I saw a full trash can on my path, and without thinking pulled it at me, as I ran past it.

"Oh you mother fucking, demon cum guzzling shitty fuckwad!"

I heard the tumbling of the trash can and someone falling over it.

I dashed to the side out of sight into another alley.

It took a long while, that felt like it didn't take time at all.

I was never moving slower than jogging, never stopping for more than two to three seconds.

I had the school in my sight. Technically. Five? Maybe six blocks to reach it.

Should I keep hiding and make my way there slowly or just gun it? Blood was still running from my shoulder. I can't stop to think. I can't hesitate.

I heard something move above me.

I gunned it.

Instinctively I looked back to see some crows that landed on the building I was on.

I ignored that, and looked forward to the school coming more and more into focus.

I wanted to shout, but no one was nearby. Fucking hell where are all the people.

Four blocks. Three blocks.

Maybe I might make it. Maybe-

Pain

A shadow passed over me, as someone dropped from seemingly the sky in front of me.

I saw his mad eyes before seeing his face with that insane smile.

"Got~cha~!"

The lightsaber moved, and I felt my torso open up, as a line of hot boiling blood exploded out of me.

I opened my eyes and I was alone.

I was on the ground in the middle of the road. There was the sound of something. My burning throat told me it was my own.

I was thankful I was lying on my back rather my open stomach. Even the air felt like it was biting into me.

I blinked.

And now Tsubasa looking down at me with tears felling from her face. There were others around but I couldn't focus on them. The other student council people? There was something large on my sister's back.

Wing. Oh right, she would have those.

I blinked.

I felt a warmth from green light around me, and other coldness that felt soothing, like water over the pain.

I was able to focus just a bit more, now hearing more of the conversation around me.

"They shouldn't have gotten that close."

"Why did they come this far!?"

"This might as well be declaration of war."

"You're overexaggerating. I don't think they even knew he was my Rook's sister."

"Freed Sellzen is an insane psychopath of an exorcist. No one is gonna claim that they supported his actions."

"We have to do something! This is senpai's brother, one of the people I go to school with!"

I wasn't sure who was saying what. I saw red hair in the mix of people around me. Rias and her Peerage were also here.

I couldn't focus on any of them though. Only Tsubasa what was cradling my head.

I could feel it in my bones.

This was it. I'm dying now.

Whatever healing is being done, it's too slow, or they got to me too late.

"Tsu..." Talking was a challenge. My throat so dry that it felt like passing sound through it, was like taking a knife to the inside of it.

"Hey, hey! I'm here, it's okay."

I tried to moved my hand up to her, but pain shot through me. Moving was hell.

Yet thankfully I had apparently moved it up enough, as Tsubasa grasped my hand and held it up to her face, getting my intention.

I smile and pushed out another word.

"Clo...ser..."

"Huh?" Tsubasa blinked once, instantly getting what I'm saying and leaned down.

"Closer."

As if my resolve gave me strength for my last actions, speaking was more possible now.

"W-What is it?" Tsubasa leaned in to put her ear next to my mouth. The group stopped talking, as things were quiet now, or maybe I just wasn't hearing the arguements anymore. I didn't care. "I'm here, Jiro. I'm here. Don't worry, everything is gonna be okay."

"I hated you."

It wasn't gonna be okay, but I needed to tell her before the end. I needed to make it right.

"...what?" Tsubasa's eyes widened as she was frozen in place.

"I hated...that I felt that." I continued. My vision was failing at the edges. My peripheral vision was blackening. "I'm...sorry. I was...envious...of you." My eyelids felt heavy now, but I had to keep them open, just a little longer.

"Why..." Tsubasa said through quivering lips, as her tears fell on me, and into my mouth. It felt too bitter.

"Because you were better...at life...at everything."

How odd. Tears were falling from the side of my eyes, and I wasn't ashamed. I spoke freely and I wasn't embarrassed. It just took dying for me to be that brave. How pitiful.

I smiled all that same. It was my last act. I should put on a brave face.

"I'm sorry, Big Sister. I was...a shitty little brother. I love you...and I'm sorry..." I had to emphasis, I said with my last strength to be sure I said it enough times. "I'm sorry."

Tsubasa was crying something, saying something, but I couldn't hear well. There was just ringing now.

I couldn't see anymore. I don't know if I closed my eyes or not.

Everything was dark and cold, but I felt a tiny bit of relief.

I wasn't a screw up at the very end.

That was good...right?

AN: I'm...tempted to stop right here. That was the original plan to be honest.

Edit: I figured I would say it here, in case people don't read the discussions. No, he wouldn't have been turned into a Devil, the story would have still continued with him being Human.