Next Time on Don X Don:

"My lord, I have sinned greatly against you!" Xenovia said fervently, kneeling to panicking Milo that kept telling her that it's fine and to get up. "From now on, I am your loyal servant who will follow you everywhere! I will follow you in battle. I will follow you in the fields of hell! I will follow you in the shower!"

"Rachelle, Xenovia is being weird and freaking me out!" I shouted.

"Good job, Xenovia. You never know when this idiot might hurt himself." Cardinal Bishop Rachelle said.

"Oh the betrayal!" I put a hand over my heart. "Am I that untrustworthy!"

""YES!""

"I'm sorry, I might have got deaf and retarded in one ear. You're trying to excommunicate who!" I cried out.

"The people of Bolsena. Former Exorcist Irina Shidou all to Xenovia Quarta, Asia Argento-" Cardinal Bishop A said.

"Yeah, no. Fuck that." I said.

"But my lord, the faith!" Said Cardinal Bishop B.

"The faith is fine! It's the people you're trying to fuck!" I shouted. "All those people are under my protection. I full take them under my wings. Stop with this shit. If the faith is that damn fragile, then we're the ones who're mess up not the people. Those that did not commit crime should not be unjustly punished."

"What about the System of Heaven?" Cried out Cardinal Bishop C.

"Let justice be done, even if the Heaven could fall!" I shouted.

"What about Father Cornelius Audas?" Asked Cardinal Bishop D.

"Oh yeah no, that fucker is completely exterminatus." I nodded. "He's still in the underground jail cell, right?"

"It's excommunicated, your holiness, and yes, he had been strangely compliant this whole time." Said Cardinal Bishop E.

"No that makes sense. Also what's this about Asia Argento being excommunicated as well? The heck does she have to do with all of this." Explanations given and I feel my blood pressure rising. "Who in the fuck thought it was a good idea to use her as bait, and when that Astaroth Devil ran out, she was still used as a scapegoat for this whole mess."

"It was Father Jude Chernoble." Said Cardinal Bishop A.

"How in the fuck did that guy get a job?" My jaw dropped. "You know what, fuck this, I'm fixing this situation. I'm gonna need Excalibur Mimic, a full suit of modern armor, and Rachelle."

"Yes, dear?"

"Yeah I need your help with blessing a few stuff, also where's Argento now?"

"She left the Vatican, already your holiness." Said Cardinal Bishop B.

"I strongly oppose bringing back Asia Argento to the Church, your holiness, it's a big mistake." Said Cardinal Bishop C.

"I concur." Cardinal Bishop D.

"Same here." Cardinal Bishop E.

"Morally it's wrong. So I'm un-excommunicating Asia Argento." I said back.

"That's not a thing, dear." Said Rachelle.

"Re-communicating, Asia Argento."

"Nope." Rachelle shook her head.

"We will be in communication with Asia Argento!"

"...Good try." Rachelle was so encouraging.

"You are young so you do not understand the intricacies of this world, and how complicated things are." Said Cardinal Bishop C.

"Also you don't actually have a rank in the Church for us to listen to you, we simply do so out of curtsey." Said Cardinal Bishop D.

"Uh huh. So you wanna play authority and rank, rather than stick by virtue and principles. Okay, I overrule you. I'm pulling rank."

"What?" Cardinal Bishop E blinked in confusion.

"I outrank you all. So I'm pushing my word on this." I said back.

"This is outrageous! You can just throw a tantrum and expect-"

"Mom!"

Gabriel appeared in a blaze of light, with fire glowing from her eyes, and Light Gauntlets covering her hands.

"Who threatened you, my child! Who did it!" Gabriel's words echoed with rage and power, and sans Rachelle, I'm sure the Cardinal Bishops started pissing themselves.

"The old fossils are excommunicating good people under stupid excuses." I pointed like a little snitch at them.

"...Honey, please wait outside while I have a word with the good Cardinals." Gabriel smiled.

I walked till I passed my mother, then I walked backward and double flipped the Cardinals while going out the door.

"Milo, behave yourself or I will spank you." Said Mom.

"Sorry!" I turned and ran out the room.

"My lord-" Xenovia began.

"Xenovia, I'm ordering you to call me, Milo. Rachelle, now bless this part please." I said as I handed Rachelle another piece of modern armor. My wife took it and did her part, while keeping an amused look on her face.

"M-Milo, I appreciate the armor, but why, and...what are you doing with my Durandal and Excalibur Mimic?"

"Oh you know," I transformed the Excalibur Mimic around Durandal so they would both combine into a much larger weapon. "Making a Super Holy Shotgun."

"..." Xenovia breathed intensely. "And the reason for this?"

"We're invading Hell to send a message."

"Ahhh-ha-ha-haaaa~." Xenovia shuddered.

"Did she just...?"

"Yep." Rachelle sighed. "Also I humbly request the harem be no more than four girls, including me."

"Done! Wait, what?"

Diodora Astaroth was have a nice calm day drinking tea in his home, while enjoying his nun harem and thinking about how he'll have fun with his latest Holy Maiden, Asia Argento, when he gets her.

When sudden music played in the Astaroth castle.

"What the...?"

Giant pillars of Holy Light began bombarding the castle.

"SUPRISE CRUSADE MOTHERFUCKER!"

"I can't believe you invade hell without me!" Irina cried out.

"We'll take you next time, Irina. Promise." I said.

Lord Astaroth did not expect to return to find his castle in ruins, the ground consecrated and his son moaning on the ground with his ass in the air, with a spear stabbed in it, with a flag with writing on the shaft.

Stay the fuck out
of the Vatican
Rome
Italy
Euro-Asia

The flag did have several locations crossed out with Euro-Asia left at the end.

The nun Peerage was also gone.

"So what are you gonna do with them now?" Rachelle asked about the catatonic former nuns.

"Hey, can you sense the Evil Pieces in them?" I asked.

"Huh. Yeah, I can."

"Cool, here's an Evil Piece we got from one of the other devils. Can you try Blessing it while in Balance Breaker like when your ascending someone to angelhood?"

"...Alright. Also I still don't like that you refused to turning you into an angel. So if you don't manage it in a decade you have to let me raise you."

"Alright, alright. You win honey." I kissed her cheek.

"...It's not fair that you use that to win arguments." She pouted, then activated her Sacred Gear and Balance Breaker. "Bless This Piece."

The Evil Piece filled up with Light like someone was adding white color to it. It was now white with shiny golden light swimming in it.

"Holy shit that worked."

"Cool, hey Irina wanna see if you can become a real angel?"

"DO I?"

Irina became an angel.

It was time to market the Miracle Pieces.

"You want me to do what!?" Magnus Rose asked in disbelief.

"I want you to hack the underworld Hell Television industry and internet." I grinned back.

"Hello there, are you or someone you know have been turned into a Devil against your will, but some annoying self-entitled little shit with a, heh, God complex?

"Have no worries! Escape to the Vatican or call 777-7-7777 and using our newly patented Holyfying Technology-"

"I don't think that a word, my lord."

"Shut up, yes it is. You can now turn from lame common Devil, into a bright Shiny Angel!"

"Why are you making it sound like Pokemon?"

"'Holyfying' even sounds like 'Horrifying'."

"And the results speak for themselves!"

The commercial proceeds to show Diodora's former Peerage members now be Angels serving under the future Popess as he loyal redeemed servants.

"So don't hesitate. Rebel against Hell and call now!"

"You can't just invade my territory and steal my potential servant!" Shouted Rias Gremory.

"'Invade'? Please, this has nothing to do with the Church or Devils. We're here for the sake of topic that crosses all factions and boundary. We're here for the sake of love!" I said with a devil-like grin.

"Who are you people, what are you doing in my home?" Issei Hyoudou cried out.

"Issei, do you remember me? I'm Irina! Irina Shidou! Please go out with me!" Irina releases her angel wings.

Issei fainted.

"We have a prophecy from that Issei Hyoudou is meant to be in my Peerage." Rias argued.

"What is a pitiful prophecy in the face of True Love!" I argued back.

"Sorry, but can you guys be quiet, I'm still dealing with the revelation that my childhood bro, was actually a girl, and she's a literal angel." Issei said holding his head.

"Teehee." Irina grinned.

"Issei, if you join my Peerage then you can have a harem in the future." Rias said making Issei snap his head to look at her with wide eyes.

"Pfft, harem. What a weak ass virgin concept." I said back.

"Well excuse me for being a virgin!" Issei cried back.

"My lord didn't Lady Rachelle say you can have a harem up to four girls." Xenovia tried to be helpful.

"Harems!" I continued ignore Issei's betrayed look and Rias incredulous stare. "Are for indecisive fools that couldn't choose a Best Girl and kept changing their opinions from season to season. Hyoudou Issei, you have been granted an opportunity to have your cute childhood friendship become a romance and have her be your waifu for laifu. Are you saying you're not man enough to cherish one pair of boobs and elevate them above the rest. Do the breasts make the girl, or doesn't the girl make the breasts!" I said passionately.

"What the heaven is this discussion turning into?" Rias said to herself, eyes wide in shock.

Issei was listening with raptured attention.

"It is just any giant boobs that are good, or isn't it the girl and her reactions when she moans as you suck on her boobs! Is it not the kind gentle smile of a MILF as she pats your head while you're sucking on her tits that makes the 'ara ara' worth while! I say, it is the girl that make the breasts! And rather than the ambiguity of that magical shady car salesman there-"

"HEY!" Rias shouted.

"I offer you the chance to be with something real! Boobs attached to a cute girl, that you have a history with!"

"Aniki!" Issei cried tears of comradery.

"Issei I kinda expected, but Lord Milo why are you also like this?" Irina said while covering her blushing face.

"Issei, you can have girls of all personality types, that would have giant humongous boobs! Devils, Fallen, Catgirls, etc. Once they are part of your Peerage, they will all look even better as well to appeal to you." Rias tried bargaining again.

"By the way, Devils are natural shapeshifter. Those breasts are basically magical cosmetic surgery." I pointed out.

"No, they're not! That not how it works at all!" Rias protested while covering her chest, even though she was clothed.

"But look Issei. Irina has big boobs that actually compliment her figure, and it's all natural. So it's time to choose, Hyoudou Issei! Will you go with the Devil's Boobs of Lies, or the Angel's Boobs of Truth?!"

"STOP CALLING MY BOOBS A LIE!"

"Is you don't stop your encroachment of your territory," Sona who had been silent till now spoke. "Do you know who our siblings are?"

"Oh? You're gonna call your siblings, the Satan?" I grinned and pushed back.

"What if we do?" Rias hooped on the Sona threat.

"If you call your brother..." I let the threat hang.

"If I call my brother?" Rias gulped at my menacing tone.

"I'll call my mom."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Bro."

"My lord, while with context that is a heavy threat, please realize it doesn't sound cool." Xenovia tried to helpfully explain.

"Anything sounds cool if you're confident enough."

AN: Aaaaaaaand done! These are basically the ideas I had of where to take this if I continued it. Alright. Now I can relax. See you all tomorrow!