HELP! How The Fuck Do I First Woman!? (Hazbin Hotel - Eve SI)
[{Hmm, I suppose a bit of insurance isn't be a bad idea.}]
Peace.
That's all I felt at the moment.
And not what people feel when they are in an air conditioned room in the summer. Or that pleasant soreness after a morning run and having taken a shower.
True Peace is a concept I don't think humans have ever experienced.
It's to be truly Free.
Free of worry, free of anxiety, free of contempt, free of just... Ail all together.
There are so many worries people have in their day to day lives. Big ills, small ills, or just average everyday things that we already learned to take as normal.
Waking up and feeling cranky than refreshed.
Being annoying that the nice dream you were having ended right as the cool high point started.
Setting the bed and it never is done just right without any crinkles in the sheets.
Minor inconsequential things, right?
Yet, it's as though they are like an ant chipping away at a mountain one grain of sand at the time. We as the mountain just learn to ignore it once we've grown up from a mole hill.
True Peace removes even those minor invisible ailments. And so for the first time in my existence I feel Peace.
Then Life is breathed into me.
I opened my eyes and saw...
[{Hello, my child. I am God.}]
Oh...
Oh! Shit. I...
...I.
I have an "I".
I Exist...
I Am.
I Be!
I am Here.
I blinked a few times as Immensity of, well, Being is thrust upon me as I recognize myself as A Being.
Then Knowledge comes.
Words. Context. Memories.
Things that I know. Know so well that they lay as the ceramic that makes the floor of my mind. Thus I... don't forget. It feels like I can't forget, rather I simple ignore them for now as my attention is upon this Moment in Being.
"Hello..." I say uncertain.
I'm meeting God.
I'm meeting God.
This is something big. Too big. Yet I can't full express the magnitude of it, or rather my brain can't pick up the scale to comprehend this event.
Thus my brain does the most adaptable thing it can, shrugs it's metaphorical shoulders and accepts.
"Hey, God. What's up?"
What the fuck, brain!? Too casual!
He Laughs.
And the World/Creation/Existence is better for it.
[{Currently, the Sky. Quite proud of that one.}] He chuckles.
Did He just make a joke?
[{Child.}] He says with that parental tone of a Father wanting to put away the festivities and talk about an important point.
"Errr, yes?"
[{You are to be the second chance at being the First Woman. Come. Let us meet your husband.}]
Err, what? I mean, cool?
Do I want a husband? I mean, when the fricking Creator says he's going to introduce you to your husband, what do you do? I'm pretty sure saying "no" out of some principle of "self autonomy and damn everything else!" might not be the smartest move right now.
I mean, if I say "no" do I get erased? Ignored as flawed and He makes another one?
Actually, what am I saying "no" to? If I want to say "no". Saying "no" as a reaction is pretty dumb. This isn't my parents, friends, coworkers, boss or any of that bullshit, trying to coerce me into something.
This is Fucking God.
If not Him, who else would you give the "Wise men, when in doubt whether to speak or to keep quiet, give themselves the benefit of the doubt, and remain silent" Oliver Napoleon Hill quote.
Woah, how did I remember that?
I read that like once in college, second year, when I was on a self-help kick in November two thousand and—
Stop. Stop. Not important.
What is, is that... I'm going to meet my husband. That God is going to introduce me to.
Okay. I sighed. Let's see where this goes.
Wait, in all that mental rambling, what the fuck was the first part of what God said? Because I'm pretty sure it's much more important that worrying about being matchmade by God!
Oh?
We... literally took two steps in the Garden we were in and I see a Man.
And I just realized this is the First Man.
He was sleeping. He looked...cute.
Then God woke him up, the Man stood up and...
Wow. That's a whole lot of Man. He's half a head taller than me. He had brown hair.
Like. Brown brown. Quintessential Brown. The brownest brown to ever brown.
And Gold eyes.
No, literally. They're not yellow. They're Shining Gold.
He looked curious and kinda... eager? Excited? Like a boy meeting a new friend, not a man meeting a new spouse.
[{Adam. This is to be your wife. A new First Woman rather than Lilith who wished to walk away from that role.}]
Fuck he's adorable. I felt bad at the wince that came to his face at that reminder. I wanted to hug and comfort him. Not in a sexual way. Just wanted to rub his head to make that hurt puppy expression go away.
But maybe hugging from the onset would seem weird? I mean, we only just met.
Also he's naked.
I blinked.
He's naked, and I'm... fine? With that?
[{Go ahead. Bestow upon her a name, Giver of Names.}]
Why am I fine with that?
Like, it's not that I don't recognize he's naked, or having that mental disjointed moment, where my brain can't believe the BS it's seeing before finally letting me register it.
Adam is naked.
I can see that he's naked, and I understand that he's naked. And that doesn't bother me.
Why?
It's like...
Imagine you enter your kitchen to get a spoon. You open the utensils drawer and see the spoon.
The spoon is right there, but you don't recognize it as a "spoon".
You know it's a spoon. The knowledge in your head tell you what a spoon is. You know what a spoon is. But looking at the spoon didn't click in your mind that it's a spoon.
An odd disconnect being knowing and not knowing. Not knowing something, that you know you know.
"Eve." Adam Spoke. Reality realigned as a Name had been given to me, even though I already knew what it would be. Now, it was actually My Name.
My Being finally made True and Recognized, rather than a Could Be.
"Your name is Eve." Adam smile.
I found myself smiling back. I'm still not sure about marrying someone moments after being Created—and isn't that a dozy of a thought?—but let's be patient and see how this goes.
Besides, he has that puppy energy I can't help but want to pet and hug.
"Would you be my wife?"
I blinked as I realized Adam spoke.
"Am... I not Created to be? Am I not already so?" I deliberately took a moment to speak archaic? Formal? I just really did not want to use any modern slang I know. It felt, I dunno, inappropriate for the situation and times.
Adam shook his head.
"My First... first First Woman," he said confused, but I understood the distinction, what he meant, so I nodded. "My First Equal, First Partner, she..." He looked away, hurt in his eyes.
I raised a hand and cupped his face, to turn his gaze back toward me, and rub his cheek with my thumb gently—And what the fuck am I doing!?
We literally just met! Don't go breaking personal boundaries and touching people's faces when you just met them? What the hell, Me?!
But seeing that sad look on his face, I just instinctive felt the urge to help him. So I did.
Like, all the modern knowledge of behavior and etiquette were still there in my mind, but I just threw it all behind me to help this hurt puppy man.
"...She said I was too controlling. That I was too stifling for her. So I guess I wanted to give you the choice." He said with a small sad, yet resigned smile.
...Hey ovaries, why the fuck are you jumping for joy? Why am I so horny now? I mean, thankfully I'm not getting moist, but my heart is going on a marathon.
Hey, God, did you do something to me? ...And I'm sorry if I'm being too brazen.
[{No. This is all you, Child.}] He said with a huff of amusement, and somehow I knew, only I heard him.
So what do I do now?
"So I ask you, Eve, would you be my wife?"
I could say no.
But... what would be the point?
It's the fucking Garden of Eden.
Where the heck would I go? What would I do? Can I even do anything without feeling awkward if I pump into the guy I was, literally, created for and rejected after his first partner left him?
I mean, there's no plumbing, no houses or electricity, no computer or internet. I can't hole myself up in my room and act like a goblin that doesn't want to interact with the world.
But above all... Fuck it, why not?
There's no one here to complain or shame me about doing a Disney Princess and marrying someone I just met. Fuck'em.
In fact, they won't exist without me, so fuck'em twice. I determine if you enter this world or not, motherfuckers, so don't piss me off!
"Yes." I said back. He blinked and then smiled. "I want to be your wife. I choose you, Adam."
He had the widest golden retriever smile I've ever seen.
Seriously, Lilith (whoever you are), what the fuck were you thinking throwing him away?
Oh well, mine now.
It would click later in the day why I'm fine with Adam being naked.
Heck, I'm naked! And yet I'm also fine with that.
The reason is simple.
There is no Shame.
Not in that arrogant, narcissistic way some bitches go about it saying they have no shame, as they take their clothes off, while knowing it's shameful.
Rather the concept of Shame doesn't exist yet.
The worst part about it?
It doesn't feel like I'm missing some metaphysical part of me. The opposite.
A hole I never knew in my soul was patched up.
No. Now it was never torn in the first place.
Is this... how humans were suppose to feel? The realization made my eyes tear up.
How many thing were taken from us? How many things were humans suppose to be, but having Fallen were never got the chance to be, or have?
Thankfully Adam didn't notice as we were next to a river trying to fish, so I just splashed water on my face to hide the almost tears.
"Hmm?" Adam looked toward me, completely attentive.
I shook my head. I stop myself from reflexively say "It's nothing, I'm fine".
That casual lie... I feel like I shouldn't do it. I mean, since I'm now Eve, shouldn't I be a good role model for my future kids?
But I don't want to worry Adam and well, have to explain everything about my thought process. Which would have opened the door to explain how I knew what Shame was, a concept that doesn't exist yet.
So what do I do...
"I splashed my face with water." I literally just said what I did.
Adam chuckled.
"Yeah, it's pretty nice to feel for the first time, right?" Adam said. "The Tasks aren't too difficult, right?" He asked, concern.
"No, they're... simple." I said plainly.
Almost wanting to shrug, but the gesture would probably look odd and confuse him. Or at least I fear it would confuse him, because it did exist and have context yet.
Man, so many things I'm worried about screwing up.
And about the Tasks, I said they were simple because they really were.
The Angels are suppose to give us Tasks to look after the Garden.
Be it picking plants, herding animals, or gathering food, be it fruits or fish.
Fishing is... I literally can't call it fishing, but it is. We just go to the water, the fish swims slowly near up and we just pick them up.
How's that fishing?!
We're the pole, string and bait? Where's the fighting against slippery fish that keep swimming erratically against you, while you strategically reel it in so as not to break the line?
Or maybe that's just anime. I only fished once with my dad and was bored out of my mind as we only got one bass in half an hour.
This is like fishing on baby mode. Oh well better than hard mode, so I won't complain.
"Adam." A new voice spoke up.
Oh? Is this one of the Angels I've heard about?
"Sera." Adam stood up with a wide smile at seeing a old friend.
"It's good to see you again as well." She nodded, before turning to me. "And you are Eve. We've heard so much about you, and are really glad to meet you."
I froze.
It wasn't the surprise of meeting an Angel that threw me off.
No. It was that I knew this Angel.
She had a humanoid body, a large white dress, an owlish round face, dark skin, three pairs of white wings, white or silver freckles under her eyes, and a crown of light.
"Y-Yeah. Same." I pushed the words out.
This was Sera. Seraphiel according to the fandom.
Head Seraphim of Heaven.
What fandom you may ask?
Hazbin Hotel.
I look back at Adam, seeing the similarities now line up now, as my mind made the connection.
The bags under his eyes aren't there. Neither are the cruel smile or the "alpha" attitude.
This was Adam before everything went to shit.
...Okay.
Ok, ok, ok.
I can do this. I just have to not screw up.
Just don't eat the Apple, Eve. That was the plan all along anyways. How hard could that be?
...Murphy doesn't exist yet, right?