HELP! How The Fuck Do I First Woman!? (Hazbin Hotel - Eve SI Chapter 8)

A While Earlier

Awww, she really did remove the arm propellant. Hmm, the synapses for them worked, she put into the legs? Ah! I see, so that's where the kicking power would come from. But again they're lessened. Why? She already strengthened the leg muscles, so they don't get fired off. That was the thing everyone complained about, wasn't it? That body parts being separated can't be reattached. Lucifer sighed. If they just listened to my ideas in full they'd see I'd have solved that.

Lucifer, formerly Helel, couldn't help but be fascinated on how this new First Woman took his Idea of an Undefined Being and made them workable. Sure she's not that impressive to the Real First Woman, his lovely Lilith, but her actions were interesting to watch.

Yet Eve really was an odd parody of Lilith.

Yes, she's free spirited and let's emotions run wild, but it's too wild. Not in that controlled dignified, yet majestic way of Lilith.

Eve was innovative, true, able to make his ideas workable, but it was still confined too much with how the Seraphs designed the system, Earth's ecosystem.

Lucifer felt someone looking at where he was. He looked up from the kangaroo's pouch—Kangaroo. Kan Garoo. Kang Arooo. Really fun Name!—to see Lilith and Eve looking at him.

"Hey, girls! Oh, and hey, Eve. I'm Lucifer." He said excitedly as he waved at him. Humans wave when they meet someone. Or to alert other creatures of where they are. Just an inventive way of greeting someone.

Everyone should wave their hands in the air, when they meet someone new. Just wave them like they just don't care.

Wait, maybe he should do that?

"Please get out of Kara's bag, only her mate should be that deep in her." Eve said with that no-fun look Sera usually has, when he doesn't do as she wanted.

Woah, had Sera been teaching her to do that? Since when!?

Yet, it was only now that looking, really looking at Eve, that it dawned on Lucifer why Eve seemed so similar to Lilith, in how creative and rebellious she was—Fighting a kangaroo? For fun? HA! Ingenious—yet always acting within the system like Adam.

Eve is Adam.

In a way at least. Heck, she even looked like a female version of Adam.

Same brown hair, same golden eyes.

Shorter than Adam though. Likely so he'd establish dominion over her with physicality. And sooth his ego.

A flash of golden eyes, looking at him lost, hurt and about to cry went through Lucifer's mind. He pushed the thought away instantly.

Eve was made from Adam's rib, from what he recalled Sera say. Or was it side? He was kinda searching the Garden with his Angelic Vision for a kangaroo since he saw that Eve actually incorporated the pouch idea. Nice!

Although back to the present, what's with that Sera look?!

"Eh?" Lucifer jumped out of the pouch, to land on the ground. The female kangaroo let out gruff huff and turned to hop away. "Did Sera teach you to talk like that? Wow, she must really like you, to teach you to be like her, and manage that disappointed and exasperated tone, that well." He said with a chuckle.

He waited for Eve to be thrown off. His siblings usually were when he, what did Adam call it?, fast talked them. ...He pushed away that odd lingering ache at thinking about that oppressive First Man.

"Oh I assure you, my deadpanning is completely natural talent." Eve instantly replied.

"Wait, what?" Lucifer blinked in surprise.

"What's the matter?" Eve asked, arms crossed over her chest.

"Did you just fast talk my fast talking?" Lucifer wondered, speaking quicker.

"I dunno. Do you usually experience being fast talked, outta your fast talking?" Eve said, a touch quicker than him.

"No, I have not experienced being fast talked over my fast talking, for how could I have know if I was fast talked over my fast talking if I've never been fast talked before!" There. That should stump her.

"If you've never experienced being fast talked over fast talking then how could you identify that you have been fast talked over your fast talking when you have never experienced being fast talked over your fast talking against someone trying to fast talk over your fast talking. Maybe others have attempted to fast talk over your fast talking, and you never realized their success?" Eve said everything in one breath.

...Shit, she's good! Lucifer's shocked was visible on his face.

Was... was she better at this game than him? Impossible! He'll show this Human what a Seraphim can really do.

Lucifer took a deep breath—

Lilith placed a hand over his mouth.

"Lucifer, honey? Dear? Please focus." She said with that fond exasperated tone. Yes, it was exasperated like Sera, but that amused joy at seeing him be himself, sent Lucifer's heart beating in elation.

He pouted and whined at Lilith. Her lips trembled, almost like she was about to let him show this new woman, who's best at fast talking, but then Lilith stood firm and shook her head. Lucifer sighed into her hand, his beautiful wife sure was responsible.

Right, right. Time to be responsible.

"Eve, I'm sure you don't have an idea of who we are, because Sera and Adam never told you about us." Lucifer began to explain as he stood valiantly next to his wife.

"Yeah, I do. You're Lucifer and Lilith." Eve said, making Lucifer blink in surprise. "You just told me." Oh! Right, they did!

"Haha, no I mean beforehand. Did you ever hear about us?" Lucifer asked.

"And why did you say Lucifer and Lilith, and not Lilith and Lucifer?" Lilith asked. Lucifer looked next to him to see his Lilith hide feeling hurt. It ached Lucifer's heart. His rebellious dreamer partner had been cut by his siblings words so many times, she sees threats were there are none.

Eve blinked at that, looking stumped. Wow, way to go Lily! She actually managed to throw off Eve when he couldn't. Well, he'll win the next one.

Eve mouthed the two names once, as she thought about it.

"The 't', 'H' at the end of your name seemed like a firm ending." Eve said, nodding to herself. Lucifer found himself nodding as well. Sound logic.

"So not because he's a man and I'm a woman, thus he needs to be mentioned first?" Lilith asked, and—

"Ooooooh, so that's why you asked about that! You used that example to find out if she's under mind commands or not?" Lucifer exclaim in awe of his wife's genius. "How amazing, Lily!" He smiled brightly.

"Say wha?" Eve then...

Okay, wow. Might actually put time to learn that one. Not just a simple one eyebrow rise to full height for skepticism. But also half her mouth open on one side, to hyper exaggerate her disbelief. She didn't even complete the word "what" in full, stopping from pronouncing the "T", just to show how shocked she was. So dramatic! Okay, the new human is actually fun.

"Lucifer, we were going to ease her into this." Lilith said in fond exasperation.

"'Ease me' into what exactly?" Eve said. Lucifer thought she'd be afraid, as humans ought to when confronted by something new, but... rather Eve looked amused.

"Eve, are you happy?" Lilith asked intense focus and concern.

"Yeah, pretty much!" Eve smiled in an almost bubbly way.

"Even with all the criticisms of the angels when you stumble or fall short of their expectations?" Lilith pushed forward.

"Yeah, learning what parts I messed up on, or needed to improve are helpful." Eve shrugged. Lucifer now felt his wife's worry. Eve was just so energetic, yet too passive when talking about the angels. Did his siblings really do something to her mind? "Also I tend to tune out Sera when she rambles on after the important parts."

!

Lucifer's mind halted. Eve's been doing what? That is... he didn't have words for it. He wanted to laugh. No, in fact he did.

"Hahahahaha! Seriously! Oh man, I wish I could see Sera's face." Lucifer said. He looked at Lilith to see her smile in relief. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with us. We won't tell." He reassure the second woman.

"Hmm, nah." Eve shook her head, much to the formerly exiled couple's surprise. "Thinking about it, I should just talk to her, and ask her to keep her information concise next time."

"Don't do that!" Lilith immediately jumped in. "They'll just use that as a chance, a reason to criticize and reprimand you. See you more and more as flawed." She held a hand to her chest. "See you as someone that could end up like me."

Lucifer's heart's ached at Lilith's vulnerability and concern. He moved and held her hand, making her look and smile at him, before turning back to Eve.

"But I am flawed." Eve said with a questioning chuckle.

Lilith and Lucifer's eyes widened in horror.

"How could you say that? No! Don't ever let their words enter your mind like that." Lilith went to Eve and held her shoulder's in concern.

Eve blinked in confusion at Lilith's reasonable reaction in Lucifer's opinion, before her eyes widened in recognition, realizing something as sympathy entered her eyes.

"Y-Yeah, you shouldn't talk like that about yourself." Lucifer floated next to Eve and Lilith in concern. Seriously, what have his siblings done to this new woman?

"Hey, hey." Eve was the one who moved, placing a hand on Lilith and Lucifer's shoulders, in order to keep them away from her personal space, but also to offer comfort. "I... think you guys—"

"Why 'guys'?" Lilith questioned.

"It's grammar, just how language is. You two individuals." Eve continued, as if she hadn't casually invented a Word.

"Eve, did you just invent a Word?" Lucifer said in awe. Lilith in confusion and disbelief.

"Yeah, I do that sometimes. Thought I've gotten a handle on it. Ask Sera about it." Eve said quickly to get to her earlier point. "When I said 'I'm flawed', I meant that we as humans are made imperfect. And through life we strive towards perfection. I was not made knowing and capable of doing everything. But with time and effort I will know more than I knew before, and learn to do thing I couldn't do before." Eve clarified as she took a step back from Lucifer and Lilith to have them both in her view.

For a moment Lucifer almost thought Eve had learned to say those words verbatim from Sera, or one of his other siblings. Yet... no. She didn't do the human behavioral reaction of looking to the side and up, to recall something. This was something she said on her own. A conclusion she reached herself.

That was... far more than even Adam would usually do, unless prompted.

"...Who told you that?" Lilith asked, almost fiercely.

"No one." Eve shrugged.

"Eve, you don't have to lie to us." Lilith said with concern.

"Why would I lie?" Eve replied looking confused.

Lilith paused as she was unsure on how to respond, given from Eve's reaction and words, she really didn't lie. In that time Lucifer wanted to satiate his curiosity.

"Say, you were the one who named the 'kangaroo', correct?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer, but wanted to change the subject.

"Yeah." Eve nodded, happy at the distraction.

"It's actually nice that you made on of my Undefined Being Idea viable, but did you have to remove the propellant punch—"

"You." Eve growled and Lucifer and Lilith froze at the response. It was like sudden they were dealing with a lioness that could speak (which Lucifer had petitioned his siblings for multiple times and all refused, only compromising to letting some birds have that ability). "You're the one who made that absolute fucking mess of a Being!?" Eve bared her teeth, yet made it look like it was between half an animal barring their teeth for a fight, and half a smile. It was... interesting as it was horrific.

Lilith moved in front of Lucifer as if to protect him, looking at Eve with wide-eyed confusion. Lucifer remembered that he's the Seraph and teleported himself in front of Lilith.

"Eve, why are you being so angry? It was the Idea of a Being not the actual thing." Lilith said reasonably.

"Lilith, r-relax, she..." Lucifer pointed at Eve with confusion, because the physical emotions she displayed where... much more hyper than her actual emotions that he could feel with his empathic angel senses. "Is far less angry than she's displaying? Like, you feel really frustrated, but not outright wrothful."

"Right..." Lilith said, not feeling convinced.

Eve visibly took deep breath, before just looking at them, at him with an annoyed frown. That one reminded of his sister. His once paired mate—the one he was never worthy of—Michael.

Eve sighed, closing her eyes, as she... rubbed her finger to the temple of her forehead? That's a new one. Lucifer wondered what it meant. "Sorry about that, but honestly even if the matter was settled with Jeff, having to have spent nine days working through that mess was infuriating. You saying you're the one who made it... kinda made it all comeback at once."

"It's fine, all behind us. By the way, what's that?" Lucifer pointed at her arm excitedly.

"What's what?" Eve blinked in confusion.

"That! That human action you just made." Lucifer replied.

"What actions?" Eve looked at her body, behind her, as if the answer was there, then back at him.

"That!" He kept insisting on pointing at her arm, that wasn't near her head now. "What you were just doing? Rubbing the side of your head, but with your fingers rather than your whole hand. You weren't injured so what was that?" He asked with a wide smile.

Eve raised one eyebrow high in incredulity, at his excitement.

"Rubbing my... temples you mean?" Eve asked.

"Yeah, that. Why did you do that?" Lucifer nodded.

"It's, you know—" She tried to explain.

"I don't actually." Lucifer shook his head.

"It's an action you take to calm yourself down, when you're feeling stressful or something." Eve explained, and Lilith and Lucifer blinked and took a moment as the new Word and it's meaning entered their minds.

"Did you just invent another Word in the same hour?" Lilith was looking at Eve as if she was something indescribable.

"...Oh that explains so much about Sera. So that's what she was feeling all the time when dealing with me, or in long unproductive meetings." Lucifer said, mainly to himself.

"Yeah, again, ask Sera about that, she'll explain it better." Eve said dismissively, before focusing on Lucifer. "Back to what we were saying. About the kangaroo, what were you thinking!? That rock—propellant punch would with the stretchy nerves? Why were you making something whose existence would be torture?"

"The stretchy nerves are so the fired arm can be retracted!" Lucifer replied, at the obvious misunderstanding of his design. "It's meant to be something they can use repeatedly to strike at far away foes. The propellant arm, along with the high voltage nerves are to deliver long range thunder punches." He explained with a wide smile, expecting Eve to be in awe of his idea now that he explained it.

Instead Eve just looked more horrified. What?

"Lucifer." She said slowly. "That amount of electricity running through its body would have messed it up from the inside, along with frying its own nervous system." She exclaimed. "Not to mention the whole setup messes up with the poison gland system you added for some reason."

"Y-You know. That's the flammable poison that would get into the opponent's body, and then with the electric shock from the propellant punch would set opponent on fire." Lucifer said back.

"..." Eve was staring at him with that incredulous look, of jaw dropped disbelief. Seriously, isn't that a bit of an overreaction. It wasn't that bad. "Lucifer, the two systems were messed up that the kangaroo would have gotten itself poisoned, electrocuted, and according to you, set itself on fire!" Lucifer winced at that thought. "And that would happen when its young. It wouldn't even live long enough to grow to adulthood, unless it never used any of that stuff."

"They would too." Lucifer pouted. Unlike Lilith, Eve didn't relent, or was dissuade. Like Sera.

"And let's talk about the roc—propellant punch." Eve continued.

"Are you trying to say a different word?" Lucifer wondered, as Lilith looked on to the exchange with a small smile.

"Not important. What is though, is that the kangaroo would only have one shot to using that ability, of blowing up it's own arm, and it would feel unimaginable pain throughout the entire process! Because stronger nerves, means more electrical signals, means it feels more pain."

"Well, that would have been fixed by the environment. I told Sera and Adam that the, what you call now, kangaroo would live in a tropical land, where they can feast on nerve numbing plants." Lucifer shrugged his shoulders, as he showed that he did have a solution. Sera would just shook her head and said it won't work.

Adam would say it would be pointless to do that. Some friend.

"It won't work." Eve said exasperated.

Lucifer sighed. Did Sera make a perfect copy of herself? How much of her thinking did she put into Eve?

"You sound like Sera." He told her.

"It's counterproductive." She fired back. That reply... was new.

"How?" Lucifer wondered.

"If kangaroo becomes numb, it's because the nerves are passing less electrical signals. Meaning no electric shock strike." Eve patiently explain.

Lucifer stood still as he proceeded that information. He turned it over in his mind, examining how it would fit with what he knew and planned for the kangaroo, or rather its prototype.

"...Ooooooooh!" Lucifer let out an acknowledging sound as he realized what Sera and Adam saw, but didn't actually bother explaining to him.

"What about the whole 'blown off arm' thing? What was your solution to that?" Eve wondered, actually curious.

"Oh! I suggested these flesh binding slugs, but the whole Idea of the Being itself was thrown. Really, it was unfair they didn't give it a good shake—Why do you look horrified again?" Lucifer asked at Eve's once more, jaw dropped mouth, now with wide eyes filled with actual concern added. Her actions weren't overexaggerated compared to her emotions, she was actually distressed now.

"Lucifer..." Eve said slowly. "Flesh binding, just for to be sure, you mean it touches two separate organic parts and the flesh merges or fuses together?"

"Yes!" Lucifer grinned. Eve was quick in figuring it what he meant.

"Uh huh. And does it die when it does that?" Eve asked, feeling dreadful for some reason.

"No, it grows out of the combined flesh. Actually more of it comes out, as that's how it would reproduce." He explained.

"And if two of these slugs interacted?"

"Then they'd combine and make four." Lucifer shrugged. That should be obvious. Eve was weird in how sometimes she's quick-witted and sometimes slow. More evidence of mental tampering?

"...Lucifer, that would have ended the world."

Lucifer froze, looking shocked, as he focused on Eve. Really focused on her.

As the one who, to his shame, was the Maker of Lies (he didn't like doing that. Creating that. But what was he suppose to do? Adam asked about Lilith and his travels alone, and Lucifer panicked), it caused him to be able to sense Lies when he focuses on a person.

And Eve didn't lie. She genuinely meant that and believed it.

"What do you mean, Eve? Surely it can't be that bad." Lilith chimed in, for the first time into this discussion.

"Everything living is organic. These slugs would have just propagated without end even if left alone with nothing but themselves, till they envelop the world in a flesh coating like one giant flesh ball. It's basically a flesh Grey Goo situation!"

Another blast of meaning echoed into Creation, as Lilith and Lucifer held their head, to adjust from that.

"Okay, how do you keep doing that!?" Lucifer asked for himself and Lilith out loud. "That's the third time today. In under an hour, no, ten minutes! How? And this one has so many meanings attached to it!"

"Ask Sera and more importantly, do you see how why the flesh binding slug Idea was scrapped out all together?" Eve said.

"I..." Lucifer thought about it. "I mean, I guess I can see the problem with that... Grey Goo situation you mentioned, but I could have created some bugs that secrete a chemical to dissolve the slugs, and rapidly limit them."

"You would have created an escalating solution crisis." Eve said.

"Es...calating... solution crisis?" Lucifer held his chin. "Never thought to use those words in that way."

"The point is, in order to make the one thing you want work, you're causing multiple problems, whose solution brings about more problems. That's not a way to create an organic, interacting living world." Eve said in a more calm tone. "Even if the original model was viable, other beings have to live with that monstrosity.

"You sound like Adam." Lucifer said with a small smile. Adam always complained about the ecosystem harmony when Lucifer used to sit with him, while he was Naming.

"Then my husband is wise." Eve said fondly.

"Do you really believe that?" Lilith suddenly asked.

"...What do you mean?" Eve asked, giving Lilith a not-so-friendly side-eye.

Lilith raised her hands placatingly, as she smiled.

"Sorry, but Luficer and I were concerned that Seraphim and Adam were too controlling over you. You are just... so brilliant." Lucifer heard her say, and Lilith meant it. She looked on in fascination at Eve, although there was an underlying envy underneath it. Not a lot, but like a small dot in clear water. "Yet you keep following their rules, listening to their reprimands, and just taking it. Accepting it without fighting." Eve raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you said that you would tune Sera out when she isn't helpful, but why continue to listen at all?"

"Its polite." Eve replied.

"Why be polite with your jailers?" Lilith said back.

"Because they're not my jailers?" Eve said back.

"See, you're asking instead of saying. Can you not see the chains they wrapped around your mind?" Lilith pleaded.

"That is presuming a lot. And I sounded like I was asking, because I was wondering why you'd think of them as my jailers?" Eve said.

"Because clearly they chain you, otherwise why would they train you to be so obedient to them?" Lilith asked. And once more Eve raised her eyebrow in that expression of absolute amusement.

"Is there a reason for me to be rebellious?" Eve said with a cat-like smile.

"What reason would a bird need to fly away from its entrapment." Lilith said back, with the smile of a concerned elder.

"Well, for starters I'm not a bird." Eve chuckled. "And I'm not trapped."

"Do you truly believe that, or is that what they told you to keep you compliant?" Lilith said before looking at Lucifer. He understood that look, and with a slow showing of magic he summoned one of the Apples from the Tree of Forbidden Fruit.

"Do you truly have a choice, Eve? Or are you only able to do as they say? Go where they say?" Lucifer began.

Eve froze upon seeing the Apple. Terror filled her, but then immediately she took a breath, and the amusement bubbled up again. Ah, she must have been told about this Fruit.

"Are you truly free to make your own choices, if you can not act upon your own will? There is no Adam here to hold you back. There is no Sera to command you. With this Fruit, you can have the Free Will to do as you wish. To be like God even. All that brilliance of yours can shine, however you want, not however they force you, upon what path they want for you."

Lucifer gave her the Apple, which she gladly accepted.

The moment Eve touched the Apple, her expression changed. The fear bubbling in her rose to the surface, but with it came a rage unlike any Lucifer felt before.

And most disturbingly, none of it showed on her face or body behaviors.

Then Eve grinned savagely and extended her arm.

"I choose... not to eat the Apple." Eve dropped the Apple to the ground.

Lucifer blinked. Wait, what?
"Wow. This Free Will stuff totally works. Thanks, Lucifer!" Eve said cheekily, and turned to walk away.

"Errr, what?" Lucifer look at Eve, then at Lilith, then back at Eve. He was confused.

That's not how that's suppose to go.
"Wait!" Lilith spoke up while Lucifer as frozen from surprise. "Silly Eve, you're suppose to eat it."

"Why would I need to eat it?" Eve stopped and half turned to them.

"You gain Free Will when you eat the Apple." Lilith explained.

"But if I already chose not to eat the Apple, then clearly I have Free Will." Eve argued back. She crossed her arms, her amusement was back.

"We told you, you don't have to listen to Adam or Seras orders anymore." Lucifer interjected.

"Adam and Sera aren't here to order me." Eve replied, her smile spreading on her face, as she struggled not to start laughing.

"Yeah, but clearly they told you not to eat it, right? Don't you think that's odd? Just outright tyrannical to forbid you from this one thing."

"Yeah, I was also told not to put my feet in rivers near angry crocodiles, or they might get bitten off. What tyrants indeed." Eve said back.

"That's different." Lilith shook her head.

"How is it different when it operates in the same idea. Don't do things that are harmful to you." Eve said.

"How is Free Will harmful to you? To be able to disobey orders that are unjust?" Lilith said back.

"Being contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian doesn't make you a righteous, valiant warrior of freedom." Eve replied.

"Aren't you being a contrarian now?" Lucifer asked.

"No, I'm defending my position that I already have Free Will." Eve said back.

"How could you when you have never disobeyed them?" Lilith asked, as if that was the deciding nail of her argument hammered down.

"Because!" Eve stopped, making Lucifer and Lilith smile, as if they finally managed to stump her, to get through to her, through whatever mental chains and commands where placed upon her. Then Eve smiled, and the Outcasted Lovers suddenly felt something was wrong. "You know what? Let's actually sit down and debate this." Eve said. "First, give me that." She ordered, pointing at the Apple, and Lucifer reflexively complied, before realizing what he's done.

Lucifer was just so used to Lilith speaking in that commanding voice that made his heart swoon, he didn't think. He chuckled at Lilith bashfully while rubbing the back of his head.

Eve took the Apple a second time, threw it lightly into the air...

And kicked it!

BOOM!

""What!?"" Lucifer and Lilith cried out as the Apple was blasted at super sonic speed over the horizon.

"Wow. Sturdy little thing. How's anyone suppose to eat it?" Eve noted at how the Apple didn't break to pieces at her kick. "Now!" Eve went to a nearby tree, sat down against it, facing the Former Exiled Duo. She had one leg crossed, and the other planted so her knee was close to her, so she could place her arm, to rest on her knee.

Something about Eve's posture, her grin and just... presence, now put former First Woman, and Former Seraphim of Heaven on edge.

She was sitting down. She was smaller. Yet Eve's presence felt larger.

"Sit down, let's start! First, define Free Will."

AN: Now all caught up, next chapter back to Eve.