Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

PART II Saints & Sinners Universe. What if It's You sequel. Jane & Maura face major hurdles in chasing their happily ever after. An attack on Missy six months ago has widespread ramifications as she falls apart and Jane swoops in to play saviour. But at what cost? It's a soap, characters have evolved since the prequel and are going to be OOC by the sheer nature of it being a SOAP.

46. Chapter 46

Chapter Forty Six

Melissa drops her duffel bag beside the bed. Her eyes drift around the room, taking in her surroundings. There's the double bed she's standing beside, a bedside table to the left with a lamp and an alarm clock and there's a dresser in the corner next to the window with adjustable blinds. Currently they're up and early evening light is filtering into the room.

Melissa walks over to the window and she looks out at the treeline that borders the property. She notices a kookaburra sitting in one of the trees and she watches absently as her mind steals her focus. Her thoughts bounce between concern for Jane and worrying about the situation with Rachael and as a by-product of that, Gabby's suspicious nature.

She's still staring out the window, long after the kookaburra's departure, when she hears approaching footsteps. She turns and lifts her eyes in the direction of the entranceway and watches as Monica appears. She motions around the room with her hands and says, "I like what you've done with the place."

Monica smiles wryly. "It's a guest room, we figured less is more in this situation."

"You didn't wanna throw in a little colour? It's so very… white."

Monica chuckles. "And you care?"

"Not really." Melissa answers. She is just trying to find the most innocent conversation they can possibly have, because the amount of emotional upheaval she's been processing in recent weeks has been a lot. Today especially.

Although, there's one topic she does think warrants some conversation, because while fraught with some landmines that she needs to navigate, it's actually pretty positive. "So Jane asked me how I feel about having kids last night."

"Oh that's… okay. Wow." Monica looks and sounds a little uncertain.

Melissa motions towards her and waves her hand around in a little circle as she asks, "What's that reaction all about?"

Monica walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge of it. "Jane mostly."

Melissa sits down side by side with her best friend and turns her head so that she's looking at her. She tries to figure out what it is Monica's thinking but cannot for the life of her figure it out. "You want to elaborate on that?"

"It's nothing nefarious," Monica reassures. "It's just for two years we had regular dinners with her and Maura, not once did I ever get even the slightest inclination that children were on the cards."

Melissa thinks about it for a little while before responding, "I don't know what their plans were, but I do get the sense that she desperately wants a family."

"I know there was a time it was on your radar. Is it still something you want?"

"Oh you know I've always wanted them, Mon."

"A lot has changed in the last ten years though and we're not kids anymore."

Melissa realises she shouldn't be surprised that on some level Monica recognises there may be some apprehension. There's a big difference between being sixteen years old, planning out the future you imagine for yourself and actually living that future with everything you were not accounting for or expecting along the way. Her life hasn't exactly been unicorns and kittens and most certainly has not gone according to plan. She blows air out of her lips and shakes her head. "I'm not twenty five, I'm not married to Gabs and I'm most certainly not an Olympian."

"No, you're not."

There's a softness in Monica's eyes that soothes the sadness that threatens to break out of its box and pull her down into its deep, dark depths. "But I don't need any of that. I'm not ready right now, obviously, but no, nothing's changed. If anything, being with Jane only makes me want it more."

Monica smiles weakly and gently pats Melissa's knee. "Then I am happy for you."

Melissa can read the hesitance radiating off of her best friend like a book. "But?"

"There aren't any buts." Monica responds kindly, with another gentle pat of her knee, which is starting to feel a little too placating to Melissa.

Melissa's eyes narrow as she studies Monica closely. "I thought you were sure of Jane's love for me."

Monica appears genuinely surprised by her comment. Her eyes widen and she shakes her head vigorously, "No, no, no. I'm not questioning that at all, Missy."

"Then what is it? I can tell that you're biting your tongue."

Monica sighs and she shakes her head a couple of times as if she really doesn't want to say anything, but she relents. "There's so much going on with you at the moment. So much to worry about externally and to process internally. I'm just worried this idea of a future you both want is going to overwhelm you."

"We're not rushing this. I can't. My current mental health already increases the chances of postpartum depression after giving birth and-"

"You want to carry the baby?" Monica asks skeptically, cutting Melissa off mid thought.

"Realistically, given our ages and how long it might take before we're ready to pursue this, I'm the most viable option."

"You could always adopt."

"Yes," Melissa says slowly, "We could. I'd rather carry myself though. This is just a future thought, why are you so against it?"

Monica sighs. "I don't know. I know I should just be happy for you, but I can't stop worrying about the worst case scenarios and…"

Melissa watches as her friend stops talking mid sentence, as if she herself recognises that this isn't like her at all. It's normal for Monica to be very realistic in her approach to things. She is often the one to temper over enthusiasm and the one to pick people up when they are excessively negative about a situation, but this feels off. It's as if something has thrown Monica's entire disposition off kilter into more of a glass is half empty approach.

There's one of two things Melissa thinks it could be and well it's more likely to be the first thing that comes to mind. "You miss her huh?"

"I don't want to talk about her." Monica snaps, right as she stands up and walks over to the window.

Immediately from the harsh tone in Monica's voice, Melissa becomes aware that she has hit the nail on the head. Rachael's return and subsequent banishment is bound to be messing with her best friend. She really should have expected this. "She tried to talk to me today."

Monica turns back from the window and meets Melissa's gaze with a worried look. "When?"

"At the hospital."

"What happened?"

"She tried to talk. I ignored her." Melissa answers quietly, her eyes dropping to the floor as she thinks back to how uncomfortable she felt and how hurt Rachael seemed by it. It was so much more than that though. "She's not the woman I remember, that's for sure."

"What do you mean?" Monica asks.

For a moment in time Melissa's brain takes her back to when Rachael's hand slammed against the vending machine barring her exit and it gives her chills. She conveniently left that part out when she told Jane she'd had a run in with Rachael. It wouldn't have been good for Jane to hear that and it isn't good for Monica either. She shrugs and fixates on the carpet at her feet. "I dunno."

Monica's voice is laced with concern as she softly says, "Missy, stop."

Stop what?

She feels Monica's hands grip her own and she looks up into her best friend's eyes to see immense worry. She follows her gaze to the red welts and scratches on the back of her left hand. Oh. "I… I didn't realise."

Monica helps her up and starts herding her towards the exit. "Let's get that cleaned up."

Melissa follows her into the bathroom where Monica proceeds to clean the scratches with an alcohol wipe. There's a dark look on her face the entire time that leaves Melissa feeling uncomfortable, like she is only piling more and more crap on the heap that Monica's already dealing with. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

Monica's eyes snap towards her and she shakes her head. "You've got nothing to apologise for. I just… I hate this. I hate that she has become someone who does this to you. That she hurt you at all. I knew it was wrong when you two started your affair, I just never realised how fucking wrong it was."

"We were just kids. She didn't know. I never said no." Melissa tries to reassure her friend, who has undoubtedly been sitting with this since the moment Rachael told her.

The look in Monica's eyes is practically indescribable. Melissa has never seen anything like this from her before. Her tone is disbelieving. "She's… and you're? Wow!"

Melissa watches as Monica leaves the room in a huff and hurriedly follows after her. "I'm just sayin-"

Monica whirls on her and growls, "You were thirteen going on fucking nine, Melissa! She was fifteen going on twenty fucking five. She was your protector." She starts shaking her head rapidly as she holds her hands up in front of herself and backs away. "After everything she's done, you're still protecting her. She fucking raped you, Missy!"

The anger she hears in Monica's voice sets off a volcanic reaction within Melissa as she roars in response. "Me, Monica! She raped me, not you!"

"And yet, you're still protecting her!"

Melissa's chest heaves under the weight of her heavy breaths and her molten hot anger. She doesn't know who she is more angry with, herself, or Monica for having the gall to point out one of the more painful aspects of dealing with her repressed memories. She doesn't know if it was as predatory as Monica and Jane seem to think it was or if it was more one teen exploring her sexuality and another feeling uncomfortable, but not speaking up. She just knows she doesn't know what's real and it hurts and she still feels a kinship with Rachael and at the same time she can't stand the sight of her. It's a fucking mess, but it's her mess. It's her life.

"I need some air. I'm going for a run." Melissa says quietly, her anger still simmering away under the surface. She doesn't want to take it out on Monica, who is only trying to make sense of it all herself.

"Missy, pl-"

"Not now, Mon!" Melissa warns as she steps past her friend and makes a beeline for the exit.

A brief thought pops into her head about Jane's worry for her, but at this moment she doesn't care. She needs to get out of this house and she needs to feel her feet pounding against the pavement. She needs to breathe.

---

"Yeah, yeah. You don't… yeah. Alright. Get some rest Rizzoli."

Detective Alec Morris ends his call with Jane and sets his mobile phone down on his desk. He then immediately starts rubbing both temples in an effort to ward off a headache he knows he won't be able to stop. He's pretty sure his blood pressure is through the roof from the stress of it all. It has been the day from Hell and he has to make a stop before he goes home.

He drops his hands and turns his head when he feels a comforting hand on his shoulder and while usually this comfort would be welcomed, he's pretty fucking livid with Rachael right now.

"What did Rizzoli want?" She asks, curiosity clearly getting the better of her.

Alec shifts his gaze around them and decides there are too many eyes on them. He stands and motions for her to follow. They duck into the office they're using for the primary investigation and he closes the door behind her. The act of doing this allows him a moment to gather his senses. He turns slowly and lifts his eyes, he searches hers and it amazes him how little she gives away unless she wants to. Her face is innocently curious but her eyes are absent of any real emotion.

"For you to leave her girlfriend the fuck alone." He practically hisses under his breath. "Have you lost your fucking mind? Or do you simply not care that you're antagonising our best shot at solving all of this?" He finishes with a flurry as he motions toward the murder board with his hand.

"Firstly," Rachael says firmly, "I was on my way to see Rizzoli. I wasn't expecting to see her there and secondly, what exactly has Rizzoli done to make you think she's any better than us at catching bad guys?"

"It ain't like we've gotten anywhere in the time leading up to her being on this case." He spits back angrily. He points in the rough direction of the hospital and says, "You clearly valued her enough to jump in front of a fucking sniper to save her arse this morning!"

"I'd have done that for anyone." Rachael says firmly, her eyes locking fiercely onto him.

He loathes that even now he knows her well enough to know that is not even close to true. Yes she was the kind of cop that wouldn't think twice about putting her life on the line, but she's a mother now. It took a ridiculous set of circumstances to get her to come back to town in the first place. There's no way she takes that risk for just anyone and it is that thought that leaves him feeling empty and hollow because there's only one reason he can think of for her to make that move. He wasn't the one standing in the line of fire, but he can think of one person whose life may well have ended alongside Jane's if she took one to the skull like Bertie did.

He shakes his head and mutters, "It's always gonna come back to Missy, isn't it?"

There's a flash of fire in her eyes, but her mobile phone beeps and she instead turns her body to look at her phone and presumably read the text she received. He watches on in pure disbelief that at a pivotal moment between them where he is so clearly starting to question their relationship, she's just looking at her phone, as cool as a cucumber. It cuts him deep.

"You know what? Don't fuckin' come home tonight." He growls, ignoring the hurt look he sees on her face as she swings around to look at him. He waves her off and stalks out of the room. He is not dealing with this tonight. He has enough on his plate, like the fact that once again a violent crime has been committed and there's very little to go on.

They figured out the trajectory of the shots based on the position of Bertie's body and the angle of the entry wound and where the second shot had embedded into a tree. The round pulled from the tree was 7.62 calibre, not that surprising given it was a ranged shot. The damage done to Bertie's head in combination with that round meant that it was a much longer range shot than the two to three hundred metres of the water tower. His team tracked the line of the shots for a solid kilometre and found zero brass casings. The shot was made by an expert marksman. It felt like a hit.

Of course if someone put a hit out on Bertie, it may not be related to what Jane was expecting to get from him or maybe it was. It's a frustration that Alec finds himself struggling with as he navigates through the streets of Launceston. It is easier to focus on the work, but having zero answers for Jane after what almost happened feels like a complete failure. He's feeling less like a Tasmanian Police detective and more like a Keystone Cop every single day this ugly crime wave carries on. He feels like he is letting his friends down and he feels like he is letting the city down. It has to stop.

He parks his vehicle outside the Alanvale home of Barbara Dyson and turns the engine off. He sits for a moment trying to gather his senses before he drags himself out of the vehicle, locking it behind himself. He quickly crosses the yard and walks up the front steps, where he knocks firmly several times against the front door.

The door opens and he offers up as compassionate a look as he can muster, "Good evening Barb."

Barbara Dyson is a short and stout woman whose deep brown hair has started to grey. She has kindly crinkles around her eyes and although there's clear sadness in them, she looks like a woman who understood the assignment of being a cop's wife. She's weary and hurting and yet her face seems set and sturdy like carrying on is the only option. "Thanks for stopping by Alec."

"I've been meaning to stop by to check in with you to see how you and the girls are doing with all of this. I'm sorry that it took a call out of the blue to make it happen." He explains, feeling guilty for his failure to show a little care given the circumstances.

Her smile is genuinely warm when she tells him, "No need to apologise. There's a lot of nasty business happening in the city at the moment. I'm sure you've been quite busy."

"Very much so, but I'm here now. Do you mind if I come in?"

Barbara steps aside and ushers him inside, making Alec feel more than welcome. He follows her into the living room and sits down on the couch. She asks, "Did you want a coffee?"

He knows he ought not, but he's probably going to be awake into the wee hours anyway so he might as well take the caffeine boost in an attempt to stave off the overwhelming mental exhaustion he's feeling. "That would be nice, thank you."

He watches as she nods and disappears out the doorway. He can hear her rattling around in the kitchen and he sits there with his hands resting on his legs. He looks around the room and he sees the signs of a life well lived. Stephen Dyson may have dedicated himself to the police service, but he was a family man at heart. He took time off and he left work at the office when he went home at night. It's apparent in the genuine smiles Alec sees staring back from the photographs of family holidays sitting on the mantelpiece.

"Georgina has taken it the hardest, but she's a strong woman. She'll be alright." Barbara says, handing him a mug filled with very delicious smelling coffee. She never did ask him how he took it, so Alec assumes she remembers, or at the very least thought she remembered. He'll drink it regardless.

"And Bessy?" He asks.

"Elizabeth cried her tears leading up to and during the funeral. She's living her life. She always was very pragmatic about these things." Barbara explains as she sits down in a nearby armchair. She nurses a drink of her own.

"And how are you doing Barb?"

"Keeping busy, mostly." She says softly, "It's too quiet if I don't."

Alec can empathise with that. After losing his sister it was one of the first things he noticed. "It is surprising the level of comfort we take from hearing loved ones live their lives around us."

"It's the little things I miss most, but what can you do?" She questions, sounding like the stoic woman she is. "That's why I wanted to see you. While I was cleaning out my craft room I found one of Stephen's files. It was tucked away in a box underneath some yarn. I haven't the foggiest idea why it would be there, but anyways I hoped it might be helpful."

Without looking at it Alec can't be too sure if it will be much help with anything, as Dyson's homicide has been tentatively closed and marked as solved based on the information provided about Bertie. It could however be important regarding something unrelated to his death because it feels fitting somehow, that he chose to hide it away somewhere innocuous and not likely to draw interest. Alec offers up a smile and says, "I most certainly hope so."

"Finish your coffee and tell me all about how life has been treating you these last few months and then I'll retrieve it for you." Barbara says before taking another sip from her cup.

Alec does precisely that. He keeps it light and talks about the things he feels he can and asks her thoughts on different, silly little things. Just enough to show that he cares, but without allowing himself to dive too deeply into the matters of his heart and his torn loyalties. He doesn't really want to think about Rachael and so he moves conversation along every time she pops into his mind. The conversation is more about keeping Barbara company than anything and that he does extremely well.

After a second coffee and an hour worth of chit chat, Barbara hands him the folder and sends him on his way. Alec waves with a smile and then gets into his car, tossing the folder onto the passenger seat. He drives home, grabs the folder from the seat and lets himself into the house. Before he even realises what he's done, he's loosened his collar, thrown his jacket over the arm of the couch and tossed the file folder down onto his coffee table. He grabs a beer from the kitchen and is sitting in front of the television with his feet up on the coffee table before it even occurs to him that maybe he ought to look at the file. That thought disappears as soon as it enters his mind.

He's tired, mentally drained and thinking about the fact his girlfriend is still so clearly obsessed with her ex-girlfriend. That is more than he can handle right now. He flicks on the news and stares absently at the screen. He takes a long pull of his beer in an attempt to dull the ache in his heart and wonders how the Hell did he end up here?

---

As she jogs through the suburban streets around Monica's home, Melissa tries to keep her thoughts on the future. She tries to imagine what it would be like being a mum. She imagines multiple scenarios and finds herself getting more and more frustrated as each one progresses. Her light jog is turning into a faster, more intense run as her feet pound the pavement harder and harder as if her body is rebelling against the thoughts in her mind.

It isn't the thought of parenting that's frustrating. She is more than aware that children can be needy and fussy and loud and rambunctious. No, Melissa's problem is that every scenario where she is painting a glorious picture of some everyday scene with a future child is being tainted. She'll look up from watching their child take its first steps smiling gleefully, but when her eyes land on her partner it isn't Jane standing there. It's a nightmare in technicolour taking over her mind and it's more than she can deal with.

Melissa realises it is her brain's way of telling her she needs to deal with the past. She needs to come to terms with it and as much work as she has been doing, she isn't close to it yet. Monica's utter disbelief at the way she defended Rachael is a stark reminder that there are some very complicated feelings that need processing. Her stomach churns just thinking about it and she can't shake the feeling of dread she felt in the hospital. She also cannot shake the fact that a part of her feels bad for the hurt Rachael's experiencing right now and it does her head in. She makes a note to talk about this with Gloria tomorrow, because it's mentally draining and physically exhausting.

Melissa pulls up around the corner of the block Monica's house is on, hands on hips she sucks in air desperately. She absolutely pushed it too hard because of her thoughts and now she's feeling the after effects. She slowly starts trudging towards the corner to turn on to Monica's street and that's when she notices a black SUV in her peripheral vision. She looks up and watches as it pulls over on the street ahead of her. Her body bristles apprehensively and she quickens her gait in an attempt to move past the vehicle.

The engine continues to idle as she walks past at a brisk pace refusing to look backwards. She doesn't know if she's paranoid or if this is about to be the beginning of the end. She just knows, if it is the beginning of the end, she doesn't want to see it coming. She hears a car door slam and she flinches, but she keeps walking forward. She tells herself that she is overreacting to past trauma and paranoia is getting the better of her. Then she hears a voice call out her name and she freezes in her tracks. It might have been better if it was the psychopathic killer.

"We need to talk." The voice is firm, yet soft.

Melissa sighs and perhaps because she is no longer terrified of what may have been, she turns and looks directly into Rachael's searching brown eyes. They're a lighter brown than Jane's and once upon a time she would lose herself in them for hours on end, but now she just feels the claws of dread digging into her spine. This dread is significantly different to what she felt moments before. This dread is tailored towards her fears of blowing up her entire life, a life that she is growing to love, because of the hold Rachael still seems to have over her.

There are many words that come to mind. Most of them centered around telling Rachael to go fuck herself. Instead of verbalising those thoughts, a part of her betrays everything that means anything to her in this moment in time by opening the door for exactly what Rachael wants. "You left me."

"You left me first."

It's such a soft whisper, backed up by hurt filled eyes that it absolutely erases all current thoughts about shutting this woman down for good out of her mind. Instead she flashes back to the moment right before everything changed forever. She relives their last loving, tear filled, regretful kiss and her words as she broke both of their hearts by breaking off their affair and then she remembers the screeching of tires and two hands pressing firmly into her back before she hit the ground. Fuck. She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to be experiencing the sensations of those feelings of intense love and yearning flooding back, because they're all tainted now. She doesn't even know if they were real.

"I can't do this," Melissa utters with a vehement shaking of her head and every intention of hurrying back to Monica's. Except her feet don't move, they stay firmly planted where they are. Her brain is screaming at her to turn around and to move forward. It is practically begging her to get the heck out of dodge and yet, she just keeps standing there.

Rachael takes what looks like a cautious step forward, her hands held out low in front of her body. Her voice is soft when she says, "I should have stayed. I should have fought for you."

Melissa feels the tears as they start sliding down her face. They're hot and wet and are a complete betrayal of everything that matters to her in the here and now. Her heart hurts and it's as if she is being transported back to a different time and place and she doesn't know how to fight it. She's right back there in the hospital waiting room rocking back and forth in her seat, long before Gabby and Monica join her. She remembers begging for Rachael to be okay and promising the universe that she'd do the right thing if she would only come out of this alive. She remembers the grief her body was feeling even before the surgeon came out to deliver the news that Rachael had 'passed away' and how Gabby had to hold her up so that she didn't collapse to the floor. She remembers holding onto Gabby so tightly, burying her face into her shoulder and wishing that she was Rachael. No fucking wonder Gabby always knew.

Melissa doesn't just remember it. She feels it. Every soul crushing second it took to realise the woman she was in love with gave up her life for her. Her knees buckle under the weight of it all and she expects to hit the ground painfully, but instead she finds herself in Rachael's arms, sobbing and admitting, "I was already yours."

"I know sweetheart, I know." Rachael coos softly, pressing her lips above Melissa's ear.

The tenderness in her tone combined with the familiarity of Rachael's action and her hands pressed firmly against Melissa's back, sends a rush of unexpected warmth flooding through her body. It's confusing, and so she doesn't react at first when Rachael shifts and frames her face with her hands. She finds herself staring into eyes that are searching hers, looking for something. Her own hands betray her as they grip onto Rachael's hips, signalling an intent she hasn't even had a chance to process.

She watches as Rachael leans forward tentatively, slowly, not taking her eyes off of her and realises that a part of her is practically begging for this to happen. They're so close that she can feel Rachael's breath on her lips, but she doesn't quite make contact. It occurs to Melissa at this moment that she is absolutely putty in Rachael's hands and her body is screaming with want. She feels the desire running through her blood and there's this tiny voice in the back of her brain saying something, but she can't quite hear it. She is mesmerised by big brown eyes staring at her so intensely.

Rachael's smile is almost devilish when she leans next to her ear and whispers, "You have always been mine, baby girl."

Rachael's lips press against the bare flesh of Melissa's neck before a feeling of revulsion slams into her body from hearing those words. A wave of absolute fury rushes up ready to unleash and help her pull away and fight free of this thrall she's under.

She hears a screeching of tires and a car door slam and just as she starts to squeeze both hands up between her and Rachael to push her away, Monica practically dives between them and shoves Rachael squarely in the chest with both hands. She follows up with another shove, and keeps shoving her sister away.

"Get the fuck away from her!" Monica roars angrily.

It's all Melissa can do to watch on as Rachael shoves her sister back with both hands and growls, "Stay out of this."

Monica straightens out and stands as tall as she can, but she's shorter than Rachael and yet it's still a fearsome sight. Melissa tries to grab at her arm because she doesn't want them fighting over this and, fuck, she almost did the one thing Jane would never forgive. Her hand falls from Monica's arm as she takes several steps backwards. Her body shudders under the weight of the shame she feels. She turns and drops to her haunches, throwing up in the gutter. She can't even make out the rising voices in front of her, because all she can think about is the look of utter devastation on Jane's face when she learns what almost happened.

A rational voice in her head tells her that Jane isn't going to react like that. She isn't going to stare at her with devastated judgemental eyes. They will burn with anger and fury for a split second and then they will be soft and gentle and Jane will pull her into her arms and hold her protectively. Jane will not judge her for something she almost let happen, not given everything that's come before. Her rational logical brain tells her this and she tries to believe it, she tries to listen, but her fear of losing Jane runs so deep that she cannot be rational at this moment in time.

Shame and grief wash over Melissa's body as she climbs to her feet and glances at the arguing women, still clueless as to what's being said beyond that it is at a very loud decibel. She needs to get out of here. She needs to run. Again. She looks into Monica's car and sees that she left the keys in the ignition. Without even hesitating she slides onto the driver's side seat and puts the pedal to the metal. She speeds off down the street with one hand on the steering wheel and the other digging into her pocket for her phone.

Every bad coping mechanism she has is threatening to overwhelm her as her mind floods with thoughts of a whiskey fueled night on the town. It would be so easy to just blow it all up, after all it's inevitable right? Who is she kidding by acting like she can live some kind of normal life with Jane? Who is she kidding by thinking that having children is a good idea? She will always be one bad decision, or one bad moment in life from a meltdown. She is currently one bad decision from a meltdown of epic proportions. A life changing meltdown, that will only see her spiral to depths she may never recover from.

Tears stream down her face as she fumbles with her phone, desperate to unlock it. She glances down at the screen to enter her passcode and nearly careens into a parked car. Thankfully she straightens the vehicle in time to avoid the collision. Her heart is racing and her hand shakes as she scrolls through her contact list looking for the number of the only person she can think of as a safe space right now. It's a last ditch attempt to save herself from making one or more mistakes she cannot undo.

Melissa hears a familiar voice say hello and follows that with a desperate plea, "I need you."

---

"Are you alright?" Kelly finds herself asking after spending more time than she would like to admit just watching Maura sit in her chair by the pool drinking her glass of wine.

Maura looks weary and her brow furrows slightly as she turns to look at Kelly when she pulls up a chair beside her. She offers a weak smile and responds, "I'm not quite sure how to answer that."

Kelly knows that Jane was hurt earlier today, but she didn't think it was that bad, and yet here Maura is drinking wine and looking completely out of sorts. It prompts her to ask, "Is Jane alright?"

"She has a concussion that warrants observation for a night, but other than that she should make a full recovery." Maura answers, looking relieved to have fielded an easy question that required a simple factual response.

Of course that means if Jane's health isn't the concern then something is going on with Gabby, which now that Kelly thinks of it might explain why she went upstairs when she returned home this afternoon and hasn't been seen or heard from since. While it is an easy deduction it doesn't necessarily present her with an easy path forward either.

She's learned a lot from Jane over the years and one of the things she learned about is Maura's reticence when it comes to talking about her deepest feelings, even with those she loves. Maura will absolutely acknowledge a lot of emotional things, but she will not deep dive into them. Any dissection she does is generally private, which is in part why they are where they are now. She didn't open up to Jane about how she was feeling, instead she privately analysed every little thing and it led to her walking away.

It can be debated whether in hindsight it was the best decision she could make and Kelly does find herself leaning towards trusting Maura's instincts here and as much as it has brought her pain, it has most definitely been the right thing for Melissa. She's even seen glimpses of it being the right thing for Maura and yet it's so obvious she is hurting right now and that doesn't sit well with Kelly. She feels a surge of absolute loathing rising up within her and she knows it isn't fair. She doesn't know what's going on and she doesn't even know if this is a Gabby did something kind of night or a Maura is over analysing kind of night. She just feels a need to make Maura's pain stop.

They sit in silence for a while as Kelly finds herself contemplating the best path forward while watching the way the evening light reflects from the pool and bathes Maura in an almost angelic soft light. She is absolutely beautiful and for the first time since they have ramped up their friendship she allows herself to acknowledge the thought. In fact she knows she's staring and perhaps she ought not do so, but Maura is off in her own little world looking at the water. Kelly watches as she brings her glass to her lips and takes a small sip, almost as if she is savouring the flavour.

Kelly has to snap her eyes away, because even she is becoming uncomfortable with how long she is staring. She glances up towards the living room windows just in case Gabby is there looking down on them, thankfully she isn't. She absolutely reached an inappropriate level of gawking and it makes her feel unsettled. She does not need to give Gabby a reason to fly off the handle. It wouldn't be good for her, but more importantly, it wouldn't be good for Maura. It is for Maura's sake and Maura's sake alone that she chooses to reign in her unexpected appreciation of her friend's natural beauty.

Kelly doesn't want to think about what it all means, so she distracts herself with a simple open ended question. "What happened?"

"With what?" Maura asks, clearly startled out of her own thoughts.

"With whatever it is that has you lost deep in your thoughts."

Maura appears to study her for quite a few seconds before apparently relenting and deciding that this isn't something she can think through alone. "I'm worried that my relationship is doomed before it really even begins."

Kelly is not expecting that level of honesty. It shocks her system, while simultaneously stroking her ego. It feels really good to know that at least for tonight, Maura trusts her with some of the heavier stuff. "Why do you say that?"

"Gabby is already quite suspicious of there being something about Rachael she isn't being told."

Kelly remembers how Melissa begged her not to say anything to Gabby because she thinks Gabby will lose her shit and murder Rachael. Personally Kelly thinks it couldn't happen to someone more deserving and yet she realises that in itself is the problem. Gabby would undoubtedly agree with her line of thinking and Maura would be down a girlfriend or stuck with an incarcerated one. For a second Kelly ponders if Maura would stand by her woman in that situation? The point is moot, she realises, because while she doesn't know Gabby that well, she knows her well enough to know that she would break it off before ever letting Maura throw her life away like that. At least, Kelly hopes she would.

"Do you think Missy's right? Would Gabby actually murder Rachael?" Kelly asks, because there are two women who know Gabby better than anyone and perhaps Melissa's feelings were a little hyperbolic and if that's the case the answer is a simple one. Tell the truth now.

"As things currently stand, absolutely." Maura looks one hundred percent certain.

"So telling her is out of the question then?" Kelly asks, just to be absolutely sure, even though it's a no brainer at this point. Don't do it.

Maura simply nods in confirmation and drains the last of her wine. She then looks at Kelly with the saddest eyes, "Missing the signs of the abuse will crush her. She'll be haunted by it and thirsty for vengeance. My only hope is that Rachael understands this, because if she decides to come clean, all bets are off."

That thought alarms Kelly, mostly because she just wants to reach out and pull Maura into her arms. She so clearly needs a hug and yet she knows it wouldn't be welcome. She knows not to initiate too much physical contact. It must be Maura's decision. "Why would that even be an issue? Doesn't Gabby hate her guts?"

"Apparently not."

It's obvious from the look on Maura's face that something occurred today to give her that impression and it is a small moment in time that Kelly finds herself feeling empathy for Gabby. Just a brief foray into imagining what it would be like in her shoes. To have a long lost best friend returned from the dead. Even with their history, with everything Gabby's facing currently it makes sense to Kelly that she might feel the need to reach out to someone old and familiar. Of course then Kelly thinks about how she'd feel if she allowed herself to let that person back in her life just to find out she did something like Rachael did to Melissa. She clearly visualises a homicidal reaction. It helps that Rachael has such a punchable personality.

Glancing at Maura she realises that her friend is actually expecting subsequent questions and so Kelly tries to offer a comforting smile. "What happened?"

"I found Gabby on her knees in Rachael's arms sobbing profusely."

Maura says it so calmly, like it is just a fact of life and yet a closer look into hazel eyes tells Kelly that this doesn't sit well with her friend. "I would have thought she'd lead with her fist in all honesty."

"It wouldn't surprise me if the thought crossed her mind," Maura admits casually, again like it is just another simple fact of Gabby's nature. "However Rachael dived in front of a sniper to save Jane this morning and between that and the fact that Gabby is only alive because Rachael brought her to the hospital, I don't imagine she had it in her to swing."

Oh now it makes even more sense. Heroics that paint her as the woman Gabby remembers. "If she only knew," Kelly finds herself uttering.

"Now you understand my quandary. I agree with Melissa that it is imperative that we keep the truth from Gabby. However, I fear that without that knowledge she is going to allow herself to fall back into friendship with Rachael."

Kelly has witnessed first hand how cunning and manipulative Rachael is. She had the pleasure of punching the smugness right off of her mouth, but if it wasn't for Jane's quick thinking she'd have punched herself right into deportation with little recourse to return. And that's just the best case scenario. She looks across at one of the garden beds and tries to think her way around this situation. "It does feel a bit like being stuck between a rock and a hard place."

"Rachael is a dangerous woman." Maura says, her face looking like it's chiselled out of stone. "I made this situation all the more fraught when I intervened between Rachael and Melissa this afternoon. Thankfully Gabby was waiting in the car or everything may have come out."

Kelly's hands immediately curl into fists, but she releases them when she sees Maura notice her aggravation. It's one thing to think about the manipulative bitch when it's about her friendship with Gabby. It is an entirely different beast the moment she starts thinking about her trying to get her hands on Melissa again. "What happened?" She asks, her voice low and dangerous, like she's ready to leap out of her seat and go start a war.

"I'm not sure exactly, I just know that Melissa was very uncomfortable. I made sure Rachael left and I helped calm Melissa down."

Despite feeling a heightened level of tension thinking about her soon to be ex-wife feeling uncomfortable around Rachael, there's a part of her that feels a genuine warmth at the fact Maura took care of her. Given there's no love lost between Maura and Melissa it reminds Kelly of the kind nature of Maura's soul and it really resonates within her. Her smile is soft and gracious when she says, "Thank you for doing that."

"Of course," Maura says, smiling grimly. "She may not always be my favourite person, but she doesn't deserve any of what Rachael has done to her."

Kelly grins a little, because if she doesn't she'll cry. Maura is absolutely preaching to the choir with her last statement. Her cell phone starts ringing and she digs it out of her pocket and looks at who's calling. Her eyes widen in surprise as she stands up and looks at Maura to explain, "Speak of the devil…" she answers the call and says, "Hello?"

Kelly finds herself torn, half listening as Maura looks a little confused about which devil she's apparently referring to. She holds the phone out so Maura can read and once she nods that she understands who is on the line Kelly walks further into the garden for a little privacy. It is then she realises that Melissa is in tears, her words broken up by sobs. She is struggling to understand and it is setting off her protective nature.

Kelly's feet carry her automatically back towards the house, even as she tries to figure it out. "Breathe for me Honey. What's going on?"

"I can't… I don't… I just… please. Where are you?"

Melissa sounds absolutely rattled. An ache starts to build deep in the pit of Kelly's stomach. She thought she was long past being someone Melissa turned to, but Jane's in the hospital and it sounds like something triggering has happened. "I'm at Maura's. Where are you? Are you safe?"

"I'm driving."

Kelly doesn't like the sound of that at all. She isn't even sure if Melissa can see properly through all of her tears. Her sobs are that intense. She tries to formulate a plan when she hears footsteps, she looks back and sees Maura approaching. She shakes her head at Maura to indicate it isn't good then focuses back on the conversation. "Are you far from here?"

"A few minutes." Melissa manages to spit out between sobs. "But Gabby, she can't… she can't… she'll kill her."

Kelly turns away from Maura because she doesn't want her to see the level of anger she's feeling on her face. It sounds like whatever happened with Rachael earlier has done a real number on Melissa's head. She's still processing the fact that Melissa is out of the hospital. "I'll meet you out front and we can go somewhere to talk, okay? She doesn't even have to know you're here."

That appears to calm Melissa down a bit, whose sobbing reduces to a few sniffles as she mumbles an, "Okay."

"I want you to concentrate on driving now. I'll see you in a few minutes." Kelly explains, thankful that Melissa expresses an understanding and ends the call.

Kelly pockets her phone and draws in a deep breath in an attempt to centre herself. She knows she shouldn't let Melissa's mental health get to her like this anymore, but she doesn't quite know how to turn her feelings off just yet. It's a blessing and a curse being someone who loves as hard as she does.

"Is she alright?" Maura asks, bringing her hand to rest against Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly feels some of the tension leave her body at Maura's touch and can't help but note how nice it feels. Without even thinking she brings her own hand up to cover Maura's when she says, "I think Rachael's really fucking with her head and she's worried about Gabby. I'm going to go for a walk with her."

"Kelly…" Maura's voice is instantly firm and worried, but it trails out almost immediately, as if she is editing her thoughts.

It's enough to cause Kelly to turn around and look at her friend and she realises very quickly that Maura doesn't need to voice it. It's plastered all over her face. "What am I gonna do Maura? She needs me and we all agree Gabby cannot find out the truth. Missy being here in her current state is only going to bring up more questions."

"I know." Maura says quietly, taking a step back.

Kelly is amazed how small Maura can make herself look, almost as if she's folding in on herself. They find themselves between another rock and hard place, because Kelly's heart clenches at the look in her friend's eyes. There's something in them that resonates within her own soul, but she has to push it down. She can't over analyse this right now. Melissa needs her and Gabby needs to be kept far away from all of it. "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I have to."

"Please be safe."

Kelly hates that this is where they're at. They're building this friendship that quite frankly might be the best friendship she's ever had and it's obvious that she matters to Maura. That this friendship matters. Yet every time they step outside it feels like it could be the last time. It feels like goodbye and she's not building up any immunity to the way it twists her insides. In fact for reasons she doesn't understand it's only getting more and more painful to leave Maura's side.

There is zero time for analysing how she's feeling so Kelly finds some bravado and plasters as confident a looking smile on her face as she can. "I'll be fine."

"I hope so." Maura's smile is weak and then she turns her back and wanders over to retrieve her wine glass.

Kelly wonders if Maura feels the difficulty she does when they part, but she shakes away all of the thoughts and feelings she doesn't understand and heads out to the street via the garden path that winds along the side of the house. Walking back through the house will only increase the chances that Gabby notices something and for everyone's sake she wants to avoid that.

---

When Maura took longer than anticipated to come back to the car after running into the hospital to take the odds and ends to Jane, Gabby found herself slipping into her thoughts. They took her deep into her past, stirring up painful memories. Her mood dipped as a result and when Maura returned, clearly looking a little off kilter and insisted everything was just fine, her mood only worsened.

The short journey home was made in silence and when they walked into the house Gabby excused herself and locked herself in the upstairs spare room. She needed time to think and feel and she did not want to risk snapping on Maura. So that is where she spent her afternoon and early evening.

When she felt like she had enough of a handle on things to be sociable she made her way downstairs. When she found the house to be empty she popped into the living room to look out through the windows into the back garden. She noticed Kelly on the phone and then she watched as Maura placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. That in itself told Gabby nothing more than Maura feels comfortable within her friendship and that something mustn't quite be right with Kelly. The way Kelly's hand reached up and covered Maura's and lingered until Maura finally stepped back left Gabby feeling ill at ease. In fact, she felt jealous.

Gabby's teeth ground together as she watched Kelly disappear down the side path and she had to remind herself that just because a little comfort was shared between them didn't mean there was anything more to it. She'd been too much in her feelings thinking back on Rachael and Melissa. It made too much sense that she was a little triggered, so she told herself she wouldn't say anything.

That was five minutes ago, now Gabby watches out the window a little surprised that Maura hasn't come back inside yet. Growing weary of waiting she walks through the house and out the backdoor. She wanders over to where Maura is sitting and sits down in the empty chair beside her.

"Hey," Gabby offers quietly.

Maura immediately turns her head and reaches out across the small space between them to take her by the hand. Gabby revels in the touch. She hopes that it never ceases to amaze her the depth of comfort she gets from feeling Maura's touch.

"How are you feeling?" Maura asks.

An innocent question coming from a place of caring ends up feeling quite loaded to Gabby. An honest answer leads them down a path she doesn't necessarily feel like travelling tonight and yet despite her every intent to let it go, she finds she is struggling to do so. Because if her best friend could stoop so low as to steal her girlfriend once upon a time, what is to stop Kelly from trying? Why wouldn't she? Maura is everything.

Gabby bites her tongue and pulls her gaze away from the kind inquisitive eyes of her girlfriend. If she could shoot lasers from her own eyes she'd be burning a hole in the corner of the house where Kelly disappeared. Why did she leave via the garden gate in the first place? "Where'd Kelly go?"

When Maura doesn't answer immediately Gabby turns her head so that she can make eye contact. At this point Maura quite calmly says, "Melissa called. She wanted to talk. She left to go do that."

"What does she want to talk about?"

"I honestly don't know."

Gabby is satisfied by Maura's answer. She appears genuinely perplexed by this entire conversation and Gabby can't really blame her. It is unusual behaviour for her to show any interest in anything Kelly is doing. In an attempt to squash her jealousy and to avoid admitting feeling any, Gabby changes the subject entirely. "I've been thinking."

"About?"

"Rachael."

"Oh?"

Maura looks inquisitive at face value, but there's something in her eyes that doesn't sit right with Gabby. "I want to bury the hatchet with her."

Maura doesn't say anything. Instead she just looks over at the garden bed and blinks a few times. It worries Gabby that Maura is swallowing down her feelings about her former best friend. They can't really move forward if they don't address them. "It really was innocent this afternoon. I'd never…" her voice trails out just thinking about it, and while she knows she would never cheat on Maura, how can Maura truly believe that after she cheated on Alexis with her? And nope, so much nope.

Gabby lurches up out of the chair onto her feet and tries really hard to stop her train of thought. The last thing she needs on top of her deep dive into all the ways Rachael has hurt her, is remembering all the ways she let Alexis down. "It's never been about that," she finally settles on explaining. "She's just always had my back."

"Are you forgetting the fact she went behind your back with Melissa?" Maura counters, clearly not buying what she's trying to sell. "I'm not jealous, Gabby. I'm worried. She's already proven that she cares about nobody but herself. Why do you want to invite that back into your life?"

"She saved my life Maura!" Gabby declares, as if it's the answer to everything. "I owe it to her."

Maura stands and approaches her. It's as if she feels a need to be heard very plainly when she levels a fierce look and says, "You owe her nothing."

While Maura is absolutely correct, there's an anger buried beneath her jealousy that uncoils like a viper. "So it's alright for you and Kelly to be fawning all over each other out here, but I can't try and repair my friendship with Rachael?"

Maura's eyes flash dangerously. She is clearly offended by the insinuation. "How dare you!"

"How dare I what, Maura? I literally just watched it five minutes ago. Your hand on her shoulder, her covering that hand. It lingering. It fucking lingered, Maura."

Gabby is half expecting Maura to fly off the handle, but she doesn't. She takes a step back and she looks to be searching her memory bank and then her eyes soften exponentially and it sucks the air right out of Gabby's sails. In fact it makes her feel downright awful. She shakes her head and looks away when Maura returns to her personal space in an attempt to make eye contact.

Maura's hand softly grabs her chin and guides her head back into a position where their eyes can meet. "It was an innocent interaction, but I can understand how it may have looked to you. Especially with everything that's fresh in your mind at the moment. I am sorry."

It isn't an 'I told you so'. It is far from an 'I told you so'. It's a genuine apology and yet all Gabby hears is an 'I told you so', because Maura isn't wrong. Rachael and Melissa's behaviour is so fresh in her mind and it has her feeling absolutely on edge. It has her seeing things that aren't there and now she feels like a real jerk. She tries to clean up the mess she feels like she's made. "I know you wouldn't."

The back of Maura's hand glides across her cheek. "No my love, you don't know that. Not right now. Not with what you're finally processing. I need to be cognisant of that."

"I'm sorry," Gabby mumbles as she leans forward, bringing her forehead to rest against Maura's. She closes her eyes and says, "I shouldn't have yelled. I shouldn't have questioned you."

"You can always question me, Gabby. If something doesn't feel right to you I need you to talk to me about it. But the key word is talk. It does neither of us any good if you explode angrily." Maura explains as she brings her hands up to cup both of Gabby's cheeks. "I love you, Gabrielle. You of all people know I do not say that lightly."

"I know," Gabby says quietly. She feels the intensity of Maura's love in her declaration and she knows all of her own jealousy and negative feelings come from a place of insecurity. It's a dangerous place for her to be. She is a pro at driving women away when she gets insecure and that's the last thing she wants. She opens her eyes and draws back enough so she can look into Maura's eyes. She feels pathetic and knows she sounds it when she practically begs, "Please don't let me push you away."

Maura's answer is to kiss her softly at first and when she responds, the kiss becomes more urgent. Gabby matches her intensity and before she knows it her mouth is being plundered by Maura's desperate tongue. It's a strange turnabout. She likes it.

"Maura," she moans between kisses, "I mean it."

"I won't let you," Maura murmurs against her lips before once again their tongues are dancing a delicate tango. It stokes the fires of her desire and Gabby feels like she can't get enough. It's so much more than lustful physicality she's craving.

Memories from the night they spent in each other's arms when they really shouldn't have come flooding back and while they feed the flames, they also cause her to pull right back and search Maura's eyes in the hopes she's feeling it too. They haven't been together in a sexually intimate nature since that night and the only reason for that is her injuries. She still feels some pain, but it isn't close to enough to put the brakes on this. Not when she desperately needs to erase the last time they touched from her memory banks. She needs a new last time.

"Maura," she murmurs, trying and failing to speak an actual sentence.

She doesn't have to, because Maura starts pulling her back towards the house by the band of her shorts. Maura's voice is the perfect combination of lustful and loving when she purrs, "Take me to bed."

---

Kelly doesn't recognise the vehicle Melissa steps out of, but any thought to ask about it disappears when her wife walks right into her arms. "Hey, hey, you're alright," she murmurs quietly as she wraps her arms tightly around the tear stricken woman.

It is such a familiar feeling. Kelly kind of hates that it is. Not so much the way they fit so perfectly together, but that it probably takes both hands for her to count the number of times she's held her wife together as she is breaking emotionally. She hates that she has to do it again, not that there's a single part of her that would ever consider taking this comfort away. Not now. Now with what she knows. She just hates that Melissa is hurting so much.

Her wife's sobs are so violent that her body is literally shaking. Kelly doesn't know what happened, but if this is because of Rachael she might have to seriously consider whether she wants to go to jail for this woman. Cause Christ, she wants to strangle the life out of Rachael with her bare fucking hands.

Kelly draws back slowly, gently prying Melissa's grip loose from her body and she slips her own hand against the small of Melissa's back and starts guiding her away from the house. Away from Gabby. "Let's walk honey."

Within moments her arm slips up around Melissa's shoulders. Her wife leans against her side and wraps her arm around her waist. It's not really appropriate for their relationship as it stands, but Kelly knows it's just a need for comfort. It's trust. It's safety. To anyone else they would look like a loving couple out on a walk. She wonders how Jane would feel if she saw it but then sighs a little because reality is, if Jane wasn't in the hospital Melissa wouldn't have thought of her at all. Such is the life of the perennial runner-up.

They walk this way in a silence that is broken only by the odd sniffle and the sound of traffic that passes them by on High Street. Kelly isn't sure when Melissa is going to speak, she just knows she won't force it. Whatever it is, it was significant enough to cause her to call in the first place. She realises that she is relieved that Melissa called. It could have been so much worse. She hates that her thoughts take her there, but she is no stranger to Melissa's meltdowns. She knows precisely where her head goes when the going gets tough. So yeah, she is relieved that Melissa's thought was to call and not to take a long walk off a short pier. Beyond relieved.

They naturally pull apart when they reach St George's Square, a large block of grassland with multiple trees of varying species interspersed at irregular intervals. There's also a children's playground, a picnic area and sealed walkways that cut through the middle of the square. The grassland takes up two blocks and is broken up by High Street which goes straight down the middle. Melissa starts walking across the grass towards the playground and Kelly follows close behind.

Melissa sits on one swing and starts gently rocking back and forth. Kelly smiles, she can't help it. For a moment Melissa looks like she is at peace. She'd give practically everything she has for her wife to find that peace all of the time. She sits down on the swing next to her and matches her gentle rhythm as they rock back and forth.

It's like that for several minutes. Melissa finally speaks, startling Kelly in the process. "What's wrong with me?"

Kelly plants her feet to stop swinging and turns to look at Melissa who mirrors her actions. Melissa looks so small and defeated. Kelly doesn't even know how to begin to answer that question, because while her wife has issues, they aren't all her fault and she has been working her ass off to overcome them. "I need context here, Missy."

"I love Jane. I'm in love with her. It is…" Melissa pauses, sighs and shakes her head. "It doesn't matter."

Kelly throws her head back a little and closes her eyes. Now is not the time for her wife to suddenly grow a sense of awareness about the feelings of others. None of this is news and she isn't taking it like Melissa's trying to rub it in her face. There's something serious going on here and if that means she has to listen to a summary of the relationship that's left her out in the cold, then so be it.

"It matters. Don't worry about me, Missy. I'm a big girl."

It takes a moment of their eyes meeting for Melissa to nod like she's satisfied she's hearing the truth. She continues, "It's everything I've ever wanted and needed. She wants kids and a house we call home and I know, I know when she looks into my eyes I'm all she sees. She's everything, Kel."

It sounds so wonderfully perfect that Kelly knows there's a very heavy shoe waiting to fall. "But?"

"I wanted to kiss Rachael. I almost did. God, Kel. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Kelly's hands tighten around the rubber encasing the chainlink of the swing. She feels a surge of anger roll through her body. This is her worst nightmare. Jane's worst nightmare. She clings to the fact Melissa said 'almost'. It would be easy to launch into some speech about how Rachael has completely fucked Melissa's lovemap, but how does that really help? She and Jane can yell until they're blue in the face, if Melissa is still drawn to Rachael there's not going to be a damn thing they can do about it. "Was it just a physical thing, or are you feeling things too?"

"I don't know." Melissa's voice is so small. "I don't fucking know. It's all a mess in my head and heart and I want to get as far away from her as I can everytime she is near, but I can't move. I couldn't move. She closed in, cupped my face and my hands just fell onto her hips. She was so close, Kel. So fucking close, I could feel her breath on my lips."

Kelly lets out a breath she didn't realise she started holding when Melissa began to answer. This is absolutely history at play. This isn't some lingering feeling. Melissa repressed what happened when she was young for a reason. Kelly steps forward off of her swing and helps Melissa up from hers. She feels tears well in her own eyes and tries to blink them away. "Remember when you wanted to fuck Gabs, after you told me you loved me?"

Melissa nods.

"Remember what I said about the difference between thinking and doing?"

Melissa nods again.

"That applies here too. She has a hold over you, Missy. She messed with your head when you were just a kid. Whether she meant to or not, she has programmed you to respond to her in ways you otherwise wouldn't. The fact that you fought through it… that you found a way to resist that? I'm so damn proud of you."

"I don't know if Jane wi-"

"Jane risked losing Maura from her life altogether, for you. Jane stomped all over our friendship, for you. Jane loves you, Missy. In one of those walks through fire to save your damn life kind of ways. There isn't a thing she won't do for you, which means there's a Hell of a lot she'll forgive of you. So stop it, alright? Stop letting that voice in your head tell you differently." Kelly declares firmly, staring Melissa down as she does so.

She needs her to understand that she's making a mountain out of a molehill right now. At least when it comes to worrying about how Jane will react towards her. Rachael might have to worry about what happens when Jane gets her hands on her next, but that's not something Melissa needs to worry about.

"She really does, doesn't she?" Melissa asks, though it clearly isn't a question.

It's a dawning realisation, which feels completely foreign to Kelly. She understands the concept, but she's never had anyone love her the way Jane appears to love Melissa. Melissa has logically understood this from day one, based on prior conversations, but what Kelly is looking at on her face right now feels more like an emotional clarity that may have been missing, or more likely hidden deep beneath relationships past and the trauma Melissa carries from them.

Kelly is thankful that Melissa now understands what everyone around her has been able to see this entire time. Even if it does hurt a little. Okay a lot. She has a long way to go in letting go, but she knows it's necessary. Maybe one day she'll find someone who will create the same innocent wonder in her eyes when she finally has the same realisation Melissa is experiencing. Wouldn't that be nice?

Snapping out of her thoughts, Kelly sees Melissa watching her, waiting for her to say something. She quickly nods and murmurs an agreement of, "Yeah she does."

Melissa smiles softly and loops her arm through Kelly's and takes a step towards High Street. It's apparently time to head back to the car. Kelly follows and they start walking back towards Maura's. There's a silence between them, that while not uncomfortable, isn't exactly fantastic either. It's the come down from playing hero. Except this time, Melissa didn't really need much of a hero. She identified a problem, called someone who could help and she took her time to speak, formulating clear thoughts and then she listened. She actually listened and Kelly really is so incredibly proud of her wife. She's just a little sad too, because in the new year, she'll no longer be her wife.

"You're a good woman, Kel."

Melissa's statement comes out of nowhere and while Kelly appreciates the sentiment, it doesn't really bring her any comfort. Being a good woman hasn't gotten her anything but a litany of ex loves and not quite good enoughs. She forces a smile, just in case Melissa's looking, and keeps her eyes forward. She sadly quips, "I'll be sure to tell that to the next emotionally unavailable woman that comes along."

"You need to stop doing that." Melissa says quietly, "You are good enough, Kel. You are worthy of love. Look for someone who deserves it."

"You deserve it." Kelly responds automatically, despite logic dictating that no, Melissa really doesn't. Not for any reason other than she doesn't have the same level to return and that, Kelly realises is what she's trying to tell her. Stop chasing the broken and emotionally unavailable women. Look for a stable, grown ass woman who knows her mind and her feelings and wants the things she wants. Easier said than done, mind you.

"In another time or place, perhaps." Melissa acknowledges, pretty much confirming Kelly's thoughts. "But not now. I truly don't deserve your love, I'm not sure I ever have."

"Love isn't perfect, Missy and it's not always forever either. I really do subscribe to the belief that all love is for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Ours clearly isn't the latter."

"Well thank you for loving me Kel. I don't regret finding my way back to Jane, but I will always regret that you got caught up in the tsunami left in our wake."

And that right there is why Kelly will never regret loving Melissa. She may have been a broken woman when they met, and is now only just on the path to recovery, but she's always been honest and real when it counted. "Who knows, maybe Ms Right is waiting right around the corner."

"I certainly hope so."

Kelly smiles as they settle back into a more comfortable silence. In many ways, this feels like something she needed. She feels like Melissa does understand how much she loves her and well, that's all she can really ask for. It's nice to feel seen and valued.

As they close in on Maura's house she asks, "Did you want me to be there when you tell Jane what happened?"

"No. I'm staying with Monica. Oh snap, that reminds me." Melissa says, unhooking her arm and stopping on the spot. Kelly watches as she pulls her phone from her pocket and taps out a quick message. Melissa looks up from the screen and explains, "I kind of just took Monica's car when she pulled over to fight her sister."

Kelly's eyes widen in surprise. "She jumped in to protect you?"

"Yeah, like a ferocious little Chihuahua leaping through the air to rip the ear off of a German Shepherd. Small in stature, big in fight." Melissa explains with several exaggerated hand movements and a stupid grin.

Kelly laughs at the imagery Melissa paints in her mind and shakes her head. "I'm glad you messaged her, she's probably beside herself worrying."

Melissa sighs, looking a little deflated by the truth she's heard. "Yeah, she's gonna be mad when she gets over the relief she's feeling right now."

"Well I mean you did just technically steal her car."

Melissa rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. "Yeah, I suppose I did. I better get her car back before she decides to call the cops."

Kelly isn't sure if she's joking.

Melissa clearly notices and elaborates, "I mean Jane and Gabby, to dob on me."

Kelly smirks outwardly, while inwardly thinking what a fucking unmitigated disaster that would be. She hopes Monica is smart enough to never involve Gabby with any of Melissa's dramas with Rachael. "Sounds like a good idea."

They close the last of the distance to the car and while standing at the driver's side, holding the door open, Melissa looks back over the roof and says, "Don't be a stranger."

"I won't." Kelly waves and waits for Melissa to be gone before turning and heading back into the yard. She checks her pockets and realises she doesn't have the copy of the key Maura gave her and so she heads down the garden path at the side of the house in the hopes Maura's still outside.

Maura isn't there but thankfully the backdoor isn't locked. She makes a point of locking it behind her before poking her head into several rooms downstairs looking for Maura. She's a little worried that Jane is going to lose her shit when she finds out what happened with Rachael. She thinks maybe Maura ought to be on standby to do her Jane whispering thing she does to keep Jane's volatile emotions in check.

As she starts climbing the stairs Kelly hears Maura cry out in what sounds like pain. Her heart starts beating erratically as her mind flashes back to the night Gabby scared the crap out of Alexis. She flies up the stairs ready to intervene if Gabby's lost her temper again and it isn't until she wraps her hand around the bedroom door knob that she realises her error.

Oh this is… oh. Oh!

Kelly is frozen for a second as a wave of embarrassment flushes through her system. She definitely has the wrong idea.

Okay, time to leave.

She releases her hold on the door knob and feels the heat rising in her cheeks as Maura's excitement behind the door grows louder.

Definitely not a violent encounter.

She quietly tip toes away from the door and back down the stairs. She thinks that perhaps she'll talk to Maura about Jane first thing in the morning. She figures she'll make something to eat and hope she can forget what's going on upstairs and how absolutely mortifying it feels to have almost barged in on it.

Kelly has just about put it out of her mind after carefully crafting a masterful layered sandwich. She is just bringing the sandwich to her mouth when she hears the loudest most colourful language she's ever heard fall out of Maura's mouth. They've clearly forgotten she has access to the house, because now she hears rhythmic pounding and she can't help but imagine the cause. She's glad she's alone because a blush creeps along her face as she allows herself to stay watching the visual she's created for just a little too long.

Kelly snaps out of it, drops her sandwich and digs into her pocket for her phone. She needs a distraction, so she rattles out a quick message to Melissa.

So, there isn't anything else that you need to figure out?

She intended a certain level of humour but realises after hitting send that it just sounds like she's double checking all is well, which in some ways isn't the worst thing.

No, I think I'm good. Thank you so much.

Kelly stares at her phone and almost jumps after a particularly loud thump that draws her eyes toward the ceiling. She rattles out another really quick text.

That makes one of us.

She doesn't have to wait long for a response.

What's wrong?

Kelly stares at her phone. This isn't really helping distract her, but at least she can share her discomfort and perhaps make Melissa smile.

Maura is very colourful when she's being banged into oblivion.

It takes a moment, but then Melissa returns a response that contains two crying eye laughing face emojis and a skull.

Not funny.

Not for you maybe.

Kelly sighs happily. At least someone is getting some enjoyment out of this situation.

Please tell me Gabby doesn't have the stamina to keep this up all night?

Kelly stares at her phone, willing Melissa to respond. It takes a while, so long in fact that she's starting to formulate a new plan for the evening, because she did not sign up for this level of third wheeling.

Missy?

It's going to be a long night.

Kelly can practically see the smug smirk on Melissa's face, she doesn't need the laughing face emojis that follow the sentence to know it. She sighs heavily and quickly taps back her last message for the night.

I'm going to Kmart to buy some noise cancelling headphones. Goodnight.

---

He stares at his phone. It's a set of coordinates. Longitude and latitude. The only other message attached is a simple, 'your answer is buried here'. He feels the cold claws of inevitability crawl along his spine. His brother is dead. He's going to find him buried right where she's sending him. He just knows it.

She is as callous as they come. He's pretty sure she's sociopathic, but she prefers manipulation of others over doing the deeds herself. That's why she contacts him. That's why he has inevitably become the go between between her and two different mercenaries. The things he has paid people to do make it hard to sleep at night but then again, so does not knowing what happened to his brother.

The thing that concerns him most is that he has one outstanding job, one he basically has to do himself and she has still given him the answer. He has been clean and clever and he doubts even the best computer forensics investigator could link him to what he's had done. She knows this. She knows how good he is. It's why she has used him for her fucked up games. Why would she give that up now?

Despite his reservations, he needs to know. His hand shakes as he enters the numbers into the maps program he has open on his computer. It's east of Strathgordon in the Southwest National Park. He's going to have to plan this out. This isn't just some jaunt down the road. This is remote wilderness, he is going to need time off work and time away from his other half. That won't be able to happen until after Christmas. What's a couple more weeks in the grand scheme of things?

He hears the jingle of keys and the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs. He quickly slides his phone back into his pocket, closes the browser and brings up his work emails. He picks one at random and opens it. He stares at the screen and taps at his desk like he does whenever he's thinking. He counts off in his head. Three. Two. One.

"Honey, I'm home."

He suppresses a smile. He can't make fun if he lets on that he thinks it is cute. He feels a hand settle on each of his shoulders and knows that without fail his man is looking over them at his screen.

He plays the role he is so accustomed to playing, "How was your day?"

"Crappy." He hears in response and then his boyfriend follows up with, "Oooee, Gladys might just want to check her tone."

He glances at his screen and actually reads the email real quick. Indeed, Gladys isn't happy. Though what else is honestly new? "That's just who she is."

The hands on his shoulders slide down across his chest as he and his chair are hugged from behind. He closes his eyes briefly, before opening them and slowly standing. He turns in his man's arms and looks into the tired blue eyes staring back at him. "What happened, Jacob?"

"Lost our best lead on what happened in oh five and nearly lost Rizzoli. It's a shitshow, Brian."

He cannot wait to put all the deception behind them. He'll have his answers and Jacob will never need to know what he did to get them. It just really sucks knowing that Jacob looks up to Detective Rizzoli and raves about her all the time and that he is the one that ordered the failed hit. Well, technically he was just following last moment instructions, which he relayed to the guy he hired to do the job. The weirdest part in all of it was that he was later told to rescind the hit on Rizzoli.

"That's terrible," he says, "But she's alright?"

"Yeah, just a nasty knock to the head." Jacob leans in and presses his lips against his. It's brief and undoubtedly meant to be comforting. It only drives home the guilt Brian feels. "It's a reminder to hold those I love a little closer."

Brian wraps Jacob up in his arms and attacks his face with ridiculously soft little kisses and declares, "Sounds good to me."

---

The ringing of her mobile phone drags Gabby from what was a deep, peaceful sleep. She sits up and immediately her eyes search the room as she tries to think back on where it might be. It sounds so incredibly loud to her sleep-addled brain and she realises as Maura stirs next to her that it is actually loud enough to wake the dead. Maura should be out like a light. So thoroughly physically exhausted by the night's earlier activities that a train could roll through the room and she wouldn't even notice. She should be, but apparently the shrill tone is too much.

She feel's Maura's hand as it slides along the bare skin of her back until it rests on her shoulder. She closes her eyes briefly when Maura's lips pressing against her collarbone sends flashes of their earlier lovemaking through her mind. It brings a very soft but satisfied smile to her lips.

"Darling," Maura mumbles sleepily, "Would you get that?"

Gabby opens her eyes and turns her head lazily so that she can see her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye. "Mmhm, go back to sleep sweetheart."

Gabby climbs out of bed and lunges forward towards a pile of clothes on the ground. She snatches up her shorts and digs into the pocket, pulling the offending device out.

She doesn't recognise the number, but she can feel Maura's eyes boring a hole through the back of her head. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

Gabby turns her body and looks over at the bedside table and the alarm clock sitting on top of it. It's a little after one in the morning. Ugh. It is both too late and too early for this, and yet she feels like she should take this call. She snags her shirt from the ground as well and puts the phone between her ear and her neck as she slides into her shorts. "Everything alright?"

"Who is it?" She hears Maura ask.

It's not an answer her girlfriend will like, so she whispers out a hang on to Rachael, covers the phone as she slips her shirt on and looks back at Maura. "Just something I have to take care of."

Gabby takes a moment to press her hand comfortingly against Maura's leg and watches as she seemingly gives up and lays back down to sleep. She breathes easier and brings the phone back up to her ear as she crosses the landing and enters the spare bedroom, closing the door behind her. "It's late," she hisses, "Are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"It is?" There's a pause. "Oh, crap. Yeah, sorry about that."

Rachael doesn't quite sound like herself, or Gabby supposes, the version of her that she remembers. Gone is the loud confidence that borders on arrogance. She's quiet, almost absent sounding. It tugs at her heartstrings. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Nah. I dunno." Rachael's sigh that follows is heavy.

Gabby sits on the edge of the spare bed. As accustomed as she has become to dealing with the emotional needs of the women around her, she doesn't even know where to begin right now. So she keeps it simple. "I'm here."

"Are you?" Rachael asks, sounding even more quiet and timid than she's already been sounding. "Really?"

On the surface it sounds like uncertainty, but Gabby recognises the underlying implications. This is the moment where she has to decide if she wants to repair what has been broken or if she should, as Maura suggested in her own way earlier this evening, let sleeping dogs lie.

She thinks about Maura and how viscerally she reacts to Rachael and worries that choosing to try and fix things will place a strain on their relationship. Maura's love and trust is the only thing that's keeping her moving forward. Without it… without Maura, well it's hard to see a reason to carry on and yet, she finds herself struggling more than she should with her decision. A tired sigh escapes her lips as she gives the only honest answer she can give right now. "I don't know."

Gabby hears some rustling, but Rachael doesn't say anything. They both just exist in the moment, listening to each other's breathing.

Rachael breaks their silence with a barely audible admittance, "The whole lot of 'em can hate me, Gabs and I'll be fine. But if you do…"

Gabby's heart clenches tightly as Rachael's voice trails out. She hears footsteps approaching and drops her head because she knows she has to do this. She has to see if fixing them will fix her, because something inside her broke the night Alexis died and she doesn't know if she can get it back. "I don't hate you."

There's a soft knock on the door. Gabby stands and opens it up. Maura is standing there in her night robe with worry etched across her brow. She's awake and alert. Gabby forces a smile and covers the phone with her other hand. "It's Rachael."

Maura frowns briefly, before taking a deep breath and presenting what Gabby knows is the most forced smile she's ever witnessed. "Talk to her tomorrow, Gabby. It's late. I sleep better when you're beside me."

Gabby nods her agreement. She understands better than anyone the comfort found with another. Sleeping next to Maura the past couple of nights has quelled her nightmares significantly. "I'll be there in a sec."

Gabby watches Maura's smile become softer as she nods and walks away. She sucks in a deep breath, uncovers the phone and says, "I have to go. Maura needs me."

"Goodnight, Gabs."

The line goes dead and Gabby sets her phone down on the dresser. She doesn't want any more distractions tonight. She yawns on her way back to the master bedroom and slides deftly back into bed. She is tangled up in her girlfriend's arms before she can utter a single word.

Maura's lips press gently against the base of her neck. "What did she want?"

Gabby's body relaxes into Maura's arms and she knows she made the right decision. Her girlfriend comes first. She yawns and answers, "I don't actually know. She just sounded… lost."

"She's returned to a life she left behind a decade ago. I don't imagine it's easy at all." Maura murmurs, her arms wrapping more tightly around Gabby's torso.

It's an unexpected kindness, despite it being Maura's nature. She's been acting territorial and possessive and while it confounds Gabby, she understands that all Maura wants is to protect her. She covers her girlfriend's hands with her own, appreciating that Maura is trying and as a result it makes her want to open up just a touch. "I think I'm a little lost too."

Maura doesn't say anything, she simply peppers Gabby's shoulder with kisses, which she appreciates. It's never easy for her to let her feelings out quietly. Anger is her go to, but after this week she knows that it's not an acceptable method of expression. This softer openness is what Maura requires, but it isn't easy. It's hard being vulnerable, it makes her feel weak. "Something broke in me that night, Maura."

Maura doesn't say anything, she doesn't have to. She was there in the aftermath. Without Maura she would have eventually been forcibly removed from holding Alexis and it wouldn't have gone well. Though as she lays here in Maura's arms thinking about the hurt she feels, it occurs to her that she started breaking before that night. She broke down in Maura's arms the night before that. She nearly broke Alexis' face before that occurred and then even earlier the same evening she walked away from Melissa.

Gabby sighs. The cracks that led to her breaking were created a very long time ago. "Damnit Maura," she mutters, "I should be used to you being right. I really should."

"What do you need?" Maura's voice is so soft and loving.

Gabby knows without a doubt that while her girlfriend is probably wondering what exactly it is she is right about this time, she means it. If it's feasible, she will deliver it. "I need to let it go and I can't do that without truly forgiving her."

"So you need time with her?"

"Yeah. I dunno if forgiveness means friendship or being comfortable walking away. I just know I need time to figure it out."

"Alright. Invite her over for dinner this week."

"Maura, I know you don't exactly like her."

"I don't like the damage she's caused you. I don't like feeling apprehensive every time you leave my sight."

Gabby rolls over in Maura's arms because she needs to look into her eyes. They're beginning to tear up and it hits Gabby hard. Maura is this amazingly strong woman. She is truly the rock in pretty much every relationship she has, sturdy and solid. It makes it easy to forget that she has a soft underbelly too. That she has fears.

She flashes back to Maura absconding with her pain medication, a very obvious reminder of her girlfriend's biggest fear. She immediately reaches out and strokes Maura's cheek with her hand. "I'm sorry," she apologises softly. "I don't want you to be afraid of that. Of losing me like that. I'm doing everything I can to keep my word. I won't leave you. Not ever again."

Maura still looks sad, but she offers up a watery smile. She speaks softly, "And that is why I will do everything in my power to help you. One step at a time."

Gabby smiles and nods her head lightly, offering her thanks and an, "I love you". She feels a weight lift from her shoulders as she buries her face against Maura's clavicle and breathes in her scent. If she wasn't so exhausted, she'd look to initiate round five, or is it six? No, seven. It would definitely be round seven.

She falls asleep thinking about it.

---

A/N: Bit of an OC heavy chapter this one. Just in time for Christmas. I was trying to get the story progressed enough to do the Christmas chapter by Christmas, but that might not make it til January now. But happy holidays everyone, I hope that you are at least mildly entertained. Sorry for the longer delay in updates, writing that alternate timeline short story after I posted last chapter of this one kind of slowed me down a bit.

I think we're finally starting to move into the latter half of the story, but there's still a LOT to go, it's still glacial back to Rizzles... just please trust me and allow me to fully embrace the world I've created. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!