It was storming that night, which should have left me in a better mood.

I had always liked thunderstorms. Preferred them to sunny and cloudless skies. And, contrary to popular belief, it wasn't because I was all doom and gloom. I actually found them extremely soothing. The rain was a soft clapping noise that gushed down the roof in sheets. It was a relieving sound that was easy to fall asleep to. It didn't matter what had happened during the day—another fight with Bob; Phoebe ditching me for her science clubs; the teachers berating me all day; Arnold making goo–goo eyes at Little Miss Perfect while completely ignoring me.

None of that mattered because when the storms gathered to cover the skies, I was always soothed into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Except for right now.

Time was trickling at its annoyingly slow pace which made it difficult to tell what hour it was. But something was echoing from the sides of my head. I was sure that it was my pulse although I didn't know why it would still be racing like that. There was a shaking in my bones that I tried pretending wasn't there by crossing my arms over my chest. But the paranoia raked down my spine in trembles. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It was dark but my mind was bright. My brain was filled with possibilities—terrifying possibilities. Instead of dreams rested a motionless silhouette. Hands moving closer for my face until I forced myself to turn onto my side away from them.

The pulse spiked in my throat so hard that it became difficult to swallow. I looked at the clock on my nightstand and groaned. It was three in the morning and I had school today.

And I was still wide awake.

I could feel Nel's breath against my ankle and felt a twinge of jealousy. How was it she was able to fall asleep so easy when I was the one going to school the next day?

I shook my face and slammed my eyes shut. Determined to get a wink of—

Two obsidian eyes were staring back.

And my eyes flew wide.

My heart was hurtling in my throat, so hard that I wanted to vomit. I whipped my face around the room in search of those eyes. I wasn't sure whether I felt relief or disappointment when I didn't find anything.

I groaned and fell back onto my pillows.

Jesus Christ—swinging my arm over my face, I squeezed my eyes shut. But I could practically hear the seconds as they ticked which made my blood boil beneath my skin. I became aware that there was a moistness soaking behind my ears—sweat. Gritting my teeth, I rolled back over and forced myself to breathe evenly through my nose. I tried resting there, but the uncomfortable churning in my stomach pushed me to roll over so my face was squished into the pillows.

More seconds passed.

I pulled the pillow over my eyes. My subconscious assembled images that I had been avoiding. Irritation burned in my chest and I moved the pillow from my face, rubbing my eyes—the lack of sleep was taking a toll on me. Bags were getting heavier beneath my eyes. But I knew that sleep wasn't a likely option.

Sitting up, I flicked the lamp on.

My head spun when the bright glare assaulted my vision. I blinked a couple of times then checked on Nel, who slept like nothing had happened. Pinching my nose, I pressed my forehead into my knee. If I wasn't getting any sleep, what was I supposed to do?

I realised that I was trembling and decided that I could use some air.

Grabbing a pair of shorts from the floor, I shimmied them over my boy shorts and shrugged on a much too large grey shirt. Pulling on my hoodie and tying up my trainers, I crossed the room and had the door handle in my grasp when I heard a familiar voice.

"I told you, Nick, I—no, are we really doing this now?"

I paused. It was Olga.

And she sounded angry.

"Listen—I needed the space, alright? From you, I—" she stopped and I assumed that this Nick had interrupted her.

I pushed back the small piece of curiosity with a shake of my head. She was awake which meant there was no way that I was sneaking out. Not without her sticking her nose into my business and prying for answers. Her voice sounded clear which meant that the door was open which eliminated the possibility of tiptoeing past without her noticing.

I huffed then marched for my vanity where I leaned over the table to glare into my reflection's eyes. I needed to get out of here. But Olga demanding questions wouldn't go unnoticed by Bob or Miriam. And though I didn't expect for them to care, I knew that the questioning would just add an unnecessary stress that I needed to avoid. I needed a thorough and fool–proof explanation with zero holes.

My stomach lurched as it felt like the walls were closing in. I wanted to tear them apart until I could feel the rain battering down on my skin.

My eyes landed on the window in my reflection.

And before I knew it, I'd zipped across the room and had the frame in my hands. Sliding it open was agonisingly slow but I didn't want to chance waking Nel up. I'd rather a nosey Olga then Nel—Olga wouldn't give me an hour long lecture at least. I bit down on my tongue when the window let out a screech and glanced over my shoulder. Nel's tail flicked, but she rolled over and her heavy breathing continued.

Breathing a sigh, I pushed the window up as far as it would go. The wind immediately scattered across my face and sent shivers down my spine. The city was a wet wall of black—nothing but a few foggy specks of light could be seen.

The wind immediately scattered across my face, pushing my hair down my shoulders and sending shivers down my spine.

It wasn't the ideal weather for a walk. But I didn't care, I needed to get out of here.

I pocketed my phone and gripping the frame, thrusted myself out the window.

The rain was bullets beating on my skin and soaking my hoodie. The wind was unmerciful and whipped harshly as the sky rumbled.

Clasping the frame, I sucked in a breath then kicked off from the sill, gripping the gaps between the bricks. My heart hurtled; I was tempted to transform but I had left my pin beneath my pillow.

It was too late to get it, I decided with a shake of my head.

The bricks were slippery, but my grip was resistant. Blue Jay's strength pumped through my veins. Holding my breath, I began my conquest up the wall, pushing upwards and gripping higher. I followed with my feet and made some progress but didn't allow myself to rush. Rushing would increase the chances of slipping and falling.

I had to take my time.

My hoodie was drenched as rain slid down my skin. The wind knocked back the hood, exposing my face to the icy water. A shock of white forked the black sky as a thunderous boom filled the air. My hands and legs were throbbing, but I didn't stop—I'd already passed the halfway mark.

The corners of my mouth stretched, but not in a grimace.

I could do this.

For a moment, I imagined everyone's face like they were standing below me. The disbelief on Gerald's face, Lila's envy, Phoebe's pride and the admiration that would glow in Arnold's eyes.

My footing slipped.

A scream caught in my throat as I dropped. But an instinctive spark had my fingers keeping me in place. My knuckles cramped as my grip became stone–like, but I continued to drag my body up further.

I wasn't falling. Not when I had gotten this far.

Grunting, I pushed again. Rain was sliding down my temples. Heat soaked beneath my pits. I couldn't leap for the top—it looked close, but I couldn't risk losing my grip. I had to climb at a steady pace.

Another jagged bolt filled the sky. Pressing my palms flat on the roof, I pushed up on my arms and, swivelling my hips, thrust my body upwards and—

Criminy.

—found myself standing on the Pataki roof.

Holy shit.

I didn't realise how loud that I'd been breathing until then. My limbs were shaking and my feet throbbing, but I was astonished. Utterly astonished that I didn't register that discomfort.

Not until I collapsed to my knees.

But I was so content that I didn't care. Laughing, I shot out my fists in victorious punches to the sky as I fell onto my back. Puddles soaked into my clothes and I shivered but I couldn't stop smiling toward the flashing sky. I felt electrified, like I was hooked to the weather. I pushed my hair back and allowed the rain to wash away my exhaustion.

I couldn't begin to describe what I felt. Too much adrenaline rushed through me and I couldn't sit still. I was on my feet before I had even registered it. Climbing from my window suddenly seemed a cinch as I advanced towards the roof's edge. I peered at the distance from my feet to the ground.

Criminy.

I then glanced from my toes to the neighbouring roof. Ordinarily, I wouldn't call the span large—perhaps generous but nothing bigger. However ordinarily, I'd be on the ground.

I swallowed. It wasn't a big deal, I just had to jump. The distance couldn't be more than a few feet wide although the fall was much larger. And let's face it, I may have Blue Jay's agility but I would always be Helga.

Stop, a voice in the back of my head commanded. Holy cow, just stop there, Helga.

Stop what?

Overthinking. That's all you seem to do—putting too much thought into things. You're Blue Jay for cripes sake! You can skip two centimetres onto the next roof!

But what if I—

You won't.

I shut my mouth, swallowing loudly.

That voice—whatever it was—was right. I'd done far worse than this, even as just Helga.

The wind howled stronger.

I swallowed again and backed up a couple of steps. Jumping from the edge wouldn't give me the momentum I needed. I stopped when I'd crossed more than half the space. I purposely looked ahead of the empty space, gluing my gaze to the neighbour's roof.

I could do this.

I drew in a deep breath—

. . . basking in the silence . . .

—and ran.

Crossing the space that I'd crossed, I leapt into the air as my toes left the roof's edge. My heart was flying as a tingling filled my limbs. The world around me turned not a dark, rainy blur.

A half of a second had barely passed when I found myself landing on my toes—

My eyes widened—oh, shit!

Remaining forces tipped my body forward and sent me reeling. My shoulder took the brunt of the impact as instinctively my body curled into a ball as I kept rolling. I landed in a messy state of limbs and hair as my chest heaved from spluttery coughs.

The sky rumbled.

My clothes clung so close that you could probably see my heart threatening to pump through the fabric. My hair had stuck together in wet clumps as I sucked in shallow breaths like I'd run a marathon. My muscles had frozen but an odd tingling took over and slowly, I pushed myself up from the ground and looked over my shoulder.

I'd made it. The corners of my mouth lifted. More than halfway—I'd made it.

I glanced at the next roof over when an idea hit me.

Seconds passed when I found myself leaping onto the next roof. The giddiness filled me again as my heart hammered like a hummingbird. My palms were wet as a gigantic grin stretched across my face.

It was exhilarating.

My landing was more graceful this time and I found myself back on two feet. I went to jump again when another idea hit me. I pulled my phone out from my pocket—which was thankfully undamaged from the fall—and scrolled until I had selected a particular song. I buried the device back into my pocket and popped in my earphones.

Shut my eyes.

A lively tempo filled my ears that elevated my spirit. The sounds travelled down my throat to rattle in my chest that made it impossible not to smile. Throwing back my head, I exhaled as water slid down my face.

So you come a long way
But you'll never have me

I hadn't realised that I had begun walking until I opened my eyes again. The skies were dark but sunshine was shining from my chest. It built in my spine and crept beneath my skin and before I knew it, I was dancing. My steps had a bounce to them as I rolled my wrists and snapped my fingers in time with the beat. Hair slapped against my shoulder blades. Throwing back my head, I laughed.

I didn't know why but I felt so free.

Never have things for a normal life

It might've been because, for once, it was just me. There was no crowd, no reporters, no Mutants, no Serec and no Nel—just me. I could finally enjoy my abilities for myself.

It's time to busy earnin'
You can't get enough

My heart kept in time with the beat, pumping the music through my veins as I lost myself in the movements. Then, I sent my body leaping into the air—

This busy earnin'
You can't get enough

—landing firmly on the balls of my feet.

You think that all your time is used
To busy learnin'
You can't get enough

Like the notes, I was soaring. I was unshackled, untied . . . liberated.

And I get always
But I bet it won't change, no

The cold air rushed past me as I landed on my toes. The notes swirling in my head made the leap feel almost too easy.

Damn, that's a boring life

It's quite busy earnin'
You can't get enough

A raw power thrived in my muscles. Ascending in a magical flight, I managed to elaborately twist my body in the air, kicking out my leg and letting it direct my landing. My movements were like silk, flowing like a waterfall, as if I'd practised for months.

This busy earnin'

I was back on my toes, my hair falling over my shoulders in wet, golden streams. My arms were held up in the air in a V stance—like I were on stage.

You can't get enough

The voices, the beats—they were my applause. I laughed again through chapped lips. I felt infallible—limitless.

You think that all your time is used

To busy earnin'

Leaping from roof to roof, I felt invisible. Not in the sense that nobody cared, but in the sense that I couldn't care. My movements, my decisions—they were up to me.

You can't get enou–

Until they no longer were.

My eyes popped open.

Just busy earnin'

I was falling.

Time became distorted. Everything slowed until nothing existed. I looked to the sky that swallowed me whole and reached out a hand. It was a blur, one that swirled in an endless abyss of black as the world rushed by. I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around my shoulders, bracing myself for the impact.

Fortunately, it wasn't with the cold, cemented ground. Unfortunately, instead it was three silver trashcans.

The impact slammed into me and left my bones rattling in my skin. It left a burning singeing my muscles as bruises bloomed like flowers. It was my shoulder that hurt the most—a throbbing that was deep and warm, like someone was repeatedly bashing me with boxing gloves.

But thankfully, despite the pain, I didn't suffer anything else. I moved my wrists, tested my joints, and realised that aside from the shoulder, it was mostly bruised. I chalked it up to Blue Jay's abilities. Not for the first time, was I grateful that she was so powerful. Had it not been for her, I would be crawling away from this with broken ribs, cracked legs and a lack of teeth.

Plop!

Something landed on my scalp.

I blinked and pulled the item from my head.

And growled.

It was a banana skin. A sloppy and dark banana skin that had obviously been out here, laying in the trash, for a while.

Chucking the thing away, I limped away from the trashcans. My bones ached and jangled like chains. But honestly, the pain was nothing compared to the ickiness. I ran my hand through my hair and tried to extract any of the banana's gross remains. I could feel the gunk beneath my fingernails and groaned, deciding that I needed the longest shower when I got home. Hopefully Nel was still out. I didn't need her screeching waking the entire family up when I leapt through the window.

Grumbling, I shoved my earphones into my pocket and looked around. I was standing in an alleyway where the buildings stood tight together and loomed over me. The roofs from either side were close enough to one another that rain trickled down the stone walls to flood the floor like a shallow lake.

Small pellets of rain hit my face. I yanked my hoodie up—although the stupid thing was drenched at this point—and shoved my fists into my pockets.

Great, I'd have to walk home in this rain.

I contemplated using Blue Jay's abilities to kick myself up from wall to wall, but an illuminated window from above caught my attention. For a moment, I panicked and worried that the person who lived behind that glass had seen the teenager falling from the roof only to then pick herself up as if she had made a small tumble. Then I noticed the shut curtains and let out a relieved breath. If someone had seen something, they'd have checked the commotion rather than watch from far away where their silhouette wouldn't show up.

They must have fallen asleep with the light on.

Still . . . I squinted. Now that I was thinking on it, this place did ring a little familiar—

Crash!

I jumped and whipped around, clutching my heart.

But there was no figure standing at the back of the alleyway. I narrowed my eyes at the—nothing. Absolutely nothing. Weird. I scanned for any unusual shapes and sudden movements but could only spot the trash cans and wet walls.

Okaaaaay, then. Maybe it was time that I began heading back.

I turned to speedily leave this creepy place. In fact, not only was it creepy, it was also eerily quiet, dark, stinky and—

CRASH!

I suddenly heard feral growling behind me and didn't waste my time running down the alleyway. Panic clouded my mind as footsteps followed close behind. My breath turned shallow as the world around me spun. I reached into my pocket for my pin when a cold realisation hit me—I had left it at home.

I bit down on my tongue.

Shit.

I could smell the blood dripping from its fangs. Hear it baring its teeth, barking my name savagely. I broke out from the alleyway and ran down the main road, where no cars drove down. My fingers were white-knuckled as I swung around my fists; my steps shakier and shakier as the urgency sank in.

I was alone.

Curses unravelled from my tongue as I imagined teeth grazing my ankles. Something ran down my face as I fought to pick up my pace. I threw my hand to the ground when I lost my balance and forced myself back to my feet.

It was dark. The remnants of my nightmares clung to my mind—his eyes. That grin. I had to get out of—I couldn't—no, not anymore—

My leg slipped when I rounded a corner.

The cold air pierced my lungs when my elbow smashed into the concrete. My bones rattled, my ears ringing. Adrenaline demanded I run but my head was spinning. My breath was shaking.

My fists closed around a stone and I spun—

No one was there.

I looked in another direction but couldn't see any movements. I couldn't hear that barbaric panting. Couldn't taste its sadistic pleasure or spilt blood. None other than my own.

I dropped the stone.

My cheeks were wet, and my body covered in sweat. Blood dripped from my elbow and I grasped onto my injury. What had just happened?

Lightning illuminated the area. Horror dug into my chest as it revealed that I'd been entirely alone. Gravel dug into my legs and the wind swept my hair up like a flag. Shadows soaked up the illumination, leaving me beneath a sky full of bright static. I hadn't heard any scream—there were no signs of any Mutants.

I'd been scared.

Blood soaked my fingers in a sticky mess. The sky continued to rumble, but I barely heard it over my pulse.

It'd been twenty–four hours since Serec discovered I had no powers.

I looked up to the sky; the rain poured down and soaked my face, washing away the blood.

Where was he?

Wha—shit.

I barely had time to scramble the books that had escaped back into my bag before I was yanking the door open. The door almost smashed into my face before I skidded backwards to avoid the knock, then bolted down the hallway without hearing it shut. The sounds of my shoes bounced from the walls as a pounding echoed from the sides of my face.

The entire time, I was thinking—fuck, you idiot, Helga Pataki.

I hadn't noticed how easily the time had been slipping. It had been a simple plan—one that I had thoroughly thought over and decided the pros outweighed the cons. I had P.E. today and, if you remember, I had sworn that I would never be stepping into that gym again. Could you blame me? Ainsley was weird. I wasn't normally one to skip class, but she was weird and I never really cared for the lessons anyway. Not to mention that I had gotten less than two hours of sleep. Skipping that class to catch up on some shut eye in a broom closet was worth whatever consequences came with it.

Criminy, was I a moron.

A familiar door with duct-taped posters suddenly popped into my vision. My heart leapt with relief and horror. Relief because I had made it quicker than I thought I would, but horror because, well, it was closed. As in, everyone–who–needed–to–be–inside–is–already–inside closed.

I would have to sneak in.

Digging my heels into the ground, I tried skidding to a halt while reaching forward to grasp the handle—

Slam!

—and promptly flew straight into the door.

I found myself staring up at the roof with the ground beneath my back. What . . . the fu—

The door burst open and there was a loud gasp.

"¿Oh, Helga? ¡ ¿Qué estás haciendo?!" I was yanked to my feet by large hands which then proceeded to dust my shoulders. Behind her glasses, Belmonte's eyes were intense enough to make Mutants wet their pants . . . provided they actually wore pants. "Por Dios, mi niña, ¿estás bien? ¡ Jesús, esta chica! Eso fue un golpe sólido, tal vez deberías ser llevado a la enfermería, por si acaso. No quiero que tengas una conmoción cerebral-¡ no en mi reloj! Ya era bastante malo cuando ese chico tuvo ese ataque durante la clase cuando yo estaba ocupado, ¡ no puedo tener otro estudiante yendo al hospital bajo mi guardia! ¡ Estás bien, mi niña! ¡ Háblame, háblame!"

She looked at me like she expected me to say something to that.

Instead, I just stared at her.

". . . umm, Sí?"

She scowled.

"You're late," she said in a flat voice. "Why?"

Mentally, I rolled my eyes. There was the famous stick–in–the–mud Belmonte that I was used to. Not that I could be honest with her or anything. What was I supposed to say? 'Sorry Belmonte, I would've made it to class in time, but I had to ditch my P.E. lesson to sleep in a broom closet with my bag as a pillow. Why? Because I'm a teenage superhero, that's why! And there's this crazy guy with ice powers now aware that I no longer have my own powers, so the past few hours have been a ticking time bomb, waiting for when he'll finally go ahead and kill me rather than keeping me in suspense. Did we have any homework?'

Instead, I shrugged.

"Got held up," I lied smoothly as I slid past her. I scanned the room for my usual partner before spotting the familiar set of smiling white teeth from across the room. I grinned and headed for the window to take the spare seat next to her.

Nadine gave me a small nod when I sat down, but neither of us spoke until Belmonte had continued her teaching, getting lost in one of her tediously long lectures.

Keeping my eyes ahead, I whispered from the corner of my mouth, "Miss anything?"

Nadine peeked at me from the corner of her vision. "Nah, dude, just another one of Monte's tangents again."

Nadine was one of those people you couldn't help taking notice of. She had warm dark skin with bright blonde hair, tied back in tiny, elaborate braids. She said they were cornrows and normally wore them in a high ponytail that ran down her back.

The school uniform demanded conformity, but she had found small ways to make herself stand out: the small social justice pins she would keep on her collar. The purple glasses she kept perched on her nose rather than the standard black. You would think that the glass would prevent you from seeing her makeup, but her makeup was so sharp that it somehow made it through the lens. Her eyes were done up in thick rings of black and topped with sharp wings at the corner. It was the type of look that made you think of Egyptian women in movies. She still totally looked like a nerd, but a seriously cool nerd. You couldn't help but respect her.

Nadine glanced at me. She had her blazer hanging from her chair and her shirt sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

She crossed her arms over her chest, lifting her leg on top of the other, and leaned back in her seat to give me a look. It was a silent question, asking why I had been so late. But she didn't verbally press me for an answer.

It was another reason why I liked Nadine: she respected my privacy. She didn't feel the need to butt into my life for answers. But I guess it was because of that I barely knew much about her.

I returned her look, resting my temple against my fist, and quirked the corners of my mouth into a cheeky grin. I could feel my hair tickling my forearm as sunlight climbed to sink into my face from the window.

When she realised that she wasn't going to get an answer, she nodded her head to the back of the class. I looked to where she was gesturing and had to bite down on my tongue to conceal my laughter.

"She didn't even realise that Stinky fell asleep," Nadine whispered and adjusted her glasses. As she said that, Stinky's jaw dropped and he finally began snoring. Sid, who sat next to him, grimaced when he saw the drool hanging from the corner of Stinky's lips and began to inch away from him.

Nadine and I exchanged looks, pursing our lips to hold back our amusement. But some chortles managed to escape and we quickly had to clamp our hands over our mouths.

I probably would have lost the battle and begun laughing anyway if I didn't feel eyes boring into my back. The hairs on my neck straightened and looking over my shoulder, I was surprised to meet a pair of familiar brown eyes.

Lila.

She jumped when she realised she had been caught and quickly turned to face the front of the class. I frowned, what was her problem? She had been looking at me . . . in suspicion.

But as soon as the thought appeared, I dismissed it. Because honestly, who cared? I had bigger problems than Little Miss Perfect.

"—due on Monday."

There was a chorus of groans.

I blinked, turning to the front of the class. What just happened?

Belmonte looked less than impressed with the response.

"Oh, por el amor de Dios," she muttered. She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's not that bad of an assignment."

I stopped. Assignment?

She attempted to continue. "You even get partners—"

"Do we get to pick our partners?"

Belmonte sent a glare to the student who had interrupted her. The student—a pale redhead with a beanie on—shrank back in mortification.

Belmonte huffed at the interruption but finally admitted, "No."

There were more groans.

Belmonte, finally having enough, grabbed a piece of paper from her desk and waved it like it were a flag.

"I have the pairs written here!" she exclaimed, then under her breath, muttered, "Niños estúpidos."

Nadine turned to me.

"Hopefully," she whispered and played with one of her braids, "We're partners for this one."

I nodded.

Nadine actually enjoyed biology and because of that, she was a total whiz. She wouldn't have too many objections about doing most of the work, which would leave me the time to focus on Blue Jay business.

Clearing her throat, Belmonte began reading out the names.

"Uhh, okay, let's see—Billy, you're with Samuel."

A boy with swept back brown hair turned to grin at the earlier redhead, who groaned.

"Savannah is with Patricia."

Several students released loud and relieved sighs, including Nadine and I. Biker Patty had only gotten taller and scarier over the years and as such, no one wanted to be paired with her. People shot sympathetic looks to the girl who had been listed as Patty's partner—a petite auburn – haired girl with bangs. The girl, Savannah, trembled as she scanned the room for Biker Patty but released a relieved sigh upon realising that the larger girl was absent—again.

"Stinky's with Nadine."

Nadine and I looked at each other in horror. We had never been separated for a project in biology. Our gazes then slid over to the boys at the back; Sid was shaking Stinky's shoulder, trying to rouse his snoring friend.

"Oh," Nadine groaned. "You gotta be fuckin' with me."

Amen.

"Helga—" my eyes went to the front. "—you're with Lila."

There was a bang! as my forehead slammed to connect with the desk. I could feel eyes turning in my direction before swivelling away when they realised what had happened, unaffected.

Even Belmonte continued listing the names.

"Lucy—you're with Rowan."

Vieja bruja.

"I don't get it," Nadine whispered. Forehead still on the table, I rolled my face to the side to look at her. "She's, like, super nice, dude. What's your beef with her?"

I stared at her, appalled. Did she not know how my beloved felt towards her? How that automatically made her my enemy? How, even now, she refused to leave me alone?

I didn't say anything, however. I just stared at her like she had picked a bug from her skull.

Scanning my expression, Nadine crossed her arms with a sigh.

"Geeze, tough crowd," she muttered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Alright," Belmonte dropped her clipboard onto her desk before facing us. "Now that we've gotten that sorted. For this assignment, your partner will also be your seating partner."

The only response she received were more groans.

Unsympathetic, she clapped her hands. "Go on!"

God.

With another roll of my eyes, I stood to my feet and swung my bag onto my shoulder. Nadine watched, eyebrows coming together to communicate her own sorrow at being separated. I sent her a quick look before trudging forward. I squeezed past the other students that needed to trade seats. The sounds of chairs screeching against the floor filled the room, but even louder was the pounding in my ears.

I sat as far away from Lila as I was allowed.

I could feel her grinning but looked ahead to the front of the room.

"Hey," she greeted.

I ignored her.

"Now that we've all gotten cozy with one another," Belmonte pushed her glasses up her nose as she took out another sheet of paper. "For this assignment, you'll be required to work with your partner to produce notes on the frog's anatomy—"

A pale hand suddenly shot up from the back of the class.

"Will we be getting a diagram for this assignment, Mrs. Belmonte?"

"No, Savannah," Belmonte shook her head. The girl, Savannah, was sitting at the back where Patty normally resided. "I know how easy it is for you to google answers these days. Instead, for this assignment, you will be relying on your own notes to do this dissection."

I froze. "Di—what?"

Maybe I hadn't heard that right.

"Dissection," Lila whispered from the corner of her mouth. I made the mistake of turning in her direction and, seeing my confusion, she leaned in closer. "We're dissecting a frog."

It was against my best interest to continue this conversation, but Nel would have a fit if my grades continued slipping.

"When?

Lila's eyebrows drew together.

"The one on Monday?" she said, phrasing it like a question. "Were you even listening, Helga?"

I slammed my forehead into my palm and groaned. Monday. As if I didn't already have enough on my plate.

"And," Savannah continued, scribbling across her palm with a pen, "How long does the report have to be, since it's due the next day?"

"I'm expecting at least a page," Belmonte answered. She shut her eyes when the class groaned again, looking like she was holding herself back from berating them, before continuing. "It should be a formalised presentation of your notes and findings from the dissection."

She placed her hands onto her hips.

"Now, as Savannah said, the report will be due the day after the dissection—online. So, are there any questions?" Everyone exchanged blank looks, but no one voiced any concerns. "Good. I'll let you talk to your partners to plan out your study times."

There was short silence before everyone obeyed, turning to each other, and soon, a murmuring of voices filled the room, growing until it was a normal chatter.

Lila turned to me.

"So, I was thinking we could head to the library this afternoon," she proposed with a polite smile. "The library here stays open until the extracurricular activities end. That gives us a couple of hours. I'm aware it might be a bit late notice, but it might be best if we get a head start on our research."

"Can't."

She paused, surprised. "Um, and why would that be?"

I shrugged and glanced away.

Nadine had moved to the back of the glass to sit with Stinky. She had her teeth clamped together tight like she was close to screaming as she rubbed her temples in frustration. Stinky was chuckling sheepishly, rubbing his neck as he proceeded to say something in his country pumpkin accent.

I rolled my eyes but felt a small grin. Maybe Nadine did have the worser end of the stick.

"Oh," Lila said in a surprised voice. I turned back to her and she forced a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Um, well, perhaps Saturday?"

No.

It was on the tip of my tongue. It would be so easy to say. I loved saying it to Lila. But this was different; this counted towards our grade. Personally, I didn't give a rat's ass about my own grade, but it wasn't an appealing thought to bring someone else down with me. I really didn't want to see her more than I already had to but, according to Belmonte, we were partners now.

"Okay, fine—whatever."

The look on Lila's expression relaxed as her lips stretched higher. It made something twist in my chest, because of course, she was dazzling. I turned away to place my chin in my palm, scowling at nothing in particular.

Hopefully there wouldn't be any attacks on Saturday.

"So," Lila continued. It made me want to roll my eyes. What else could this girl want? "Whatever were you doing in an alleyway at nearly four in the morning?"

My palm slipped and my chin collided with the desk. The pain lanced from my chin all the way to the back of my jaw. Lila let out a sympathetic hiss and she reached out for my face. I batted her hands away and rubbed the throbbing area.

"What?!"

She blinked at my expression then tilted her head.

"There was a crash outside my window. It woke me so I got out to check it out," she told me. "And you—you looked quite frightened . . . before you ran off."

I could feel my skin burning when she said that. I knew what I'd seen—or rather, what I had thought that I'd seen. But she didn't.

My pulse was boiling in my ears as I tried forming an explanation.

"U–Uh, well, I . . . j–just felt like going for a j–jog—duh!"

Which technically wasn't a lie.

Breathing through my nostrils, I tried a steadier response. "I couldn't sleep."

Lila's eyebrows furrowed and her eyes fell to my hands. Specifically, the bandage around my right palm. My heart dropped. It still hadn't completely healed. It had closed up enough that it no longer was a hole, but still, it occasionally flared when I put too much pressure on it. I had to be especially careful not to instinctively try lifting anything with my right hand, which was fantastic, considering I was right–handed. Writing alone had become a nightmare.

I dropped my hand from the air and slid it beneath the table and out from her sight.

Lila quirked a brow at that before raising her eyes back to mine.

I turned away to glance down at the desk, silently praying for the bell to ring.

"You . . ." she paused, deciding how to force out her response. "You looked quite scared after that crashing."

Looking up, I met her gaze.

I was surprised to find how soft it had become.

"But it had only been a cat that had made the ruckus," she continued.

That caught me by surprise.

"Ex—" I felt numb. "Excuse me?"

She blinked, gaze scattering across my face, before a sly grin rolled across her lips.

"Why, Helga," she said, amused. "It was just a cat."

. . .

. . .

Concern overtook her features and she leaned in to place a hand to my shoulder. "Hel—"

"I can hardly be blamed!" I shouted. It made Lila jump back, hands flying to cover her chest like she was a maiden from the Victorian era. Curious gazes turned in our direction, so I lowered my voice to a whisper. "Hillwood's been attacked three times in the past week. I thought it was one of those mut—those things!"

"But if you're so paranoid about the attacks," Lila tilted her face. "Why would you go out in the morning on your own?"

I paused, the words escaping me.

A silence found us as I stared at her, and she stared back. It made my heart fall silent, like there was a cavity in my chest. Her mouth went to the side as she searched my face for any clue as to what it was that I wasn't telling her. I had to say something. I knew that she didn't believe me. But my lips weren't moving.

And then, my prayers were answered.

The bell sounded.

Swinging my bag up from the floor, I tripped over my shoes as I jumped to my feet. Cheeks burning, I muttered a quick, "Seeya on Saturday," and bolted from the room.

Suspiciously, she narrowed her eyes.

I was greeted with an odd sight when I entered the cafeteria.

The chairs had been moved. Not one table (save for Rhonda's group) held its regular seat. Rhonda and her followers were sat at their usual table in the very middle of the room (I had overheard Rhonda telling her friends that it had the best lightning thanks to the glass roof panels). The princes looked frustrated and stabbed her salad like it were the face of her enemy. Chewing on her food, she glared at Arnold's table, which was crowded with practically the entire school.

Arnold's table was on the far right of the room, beneath the fluorescent lights. I could barely even see through to the table; it was so flocked. Everyone stood so jubilant and eager, their excitement made the air buzz. Infectious grins spread as hands held up recording phones, cameras pointing in the direction of their apparent leader.

I smacked my forehead.

Gerald stood above the crowd, on top of the table. The fluorescence rained down as he held out his hands, his voice booming over the crowd.

"So, then, this big ol' thing shows up and its big. Huge! Right, Arnold?"

I couldn't see him, but I could hear his voice through the crowd, affirming his agreement.

"Bigger than a house!" Gerald continued. His audience ooh'd in response and leaned in. I spotted Rhonda bristling in her anger as she turned to keep stabbing her salad like it had personally offended her.

I made a face. Trust her to be salty now that she wasn't the centre of attention.

I then crossed the room to sit at my usual table, pulling out the sandwich that Olga had made for me. PB&J. I chewed on it and found myself turning in Gerald's direction.

It was like the crowd became aware that I had sat because mystically, as people moved to surround Gerald, it gave enough room for me to find Arnold. He was sat in his chair, his face beet red, and his palm on his forehead. He looked like he would rather be anywhere but here. I tried not to laugh at that.

Gerald, on the other hand, continued addressing the crowd.

"Please, everybody, calm down!" he yelled. "We'll answer all your questions as soon as we finish telling you about our encounter with Blue Jay!"

The sandwich slid from my hands and my mouth dropped, prompting my chewed up food to plop onto the table. Did he just—

"So, then Blue Jay—she's not afraid! She walks up to this thing and punches it! Bam!" He made a wild motion, almost toppling over from how much weight he was thrown around. I pressed my lips together but couldn't hold back the laughter that managed to escape. Arnold looked up at that like his name had been called. I turned my face away so he wouldn't know that I was listening. "And she keeps hitting it! Over and over again until she slays it! Like that!"

I assumed that he made a stabbing motion because the crowd clapped in reaction to it. Hell, someone even whistled. I rose a brow, surprised at how good Gerald was at telling stories.

"And then, she kills it and when it dies, it explodes! But she's not even scared, she just walks away from it like a—like a badass!" I felt my face turning hot at that. He was the centre of attention but somehow, I felt like everyone was watching me. I pulled my hoodie tighter over my face. "And just in time as well, because then this—this dude shows up!" The crowd began voicing their displeasure. "I know! We can't see him, cause he's standing on the roof, but he was totally watching Blue Jay!"

I stilled, suddenly relieving that night. Remembering those eyes that had watched me. They had pressed into me like bullets, pinning me in the night. How depthless they had been, as he stood over me. Taunting me.

I trembled.

"And then he leaves!" Gerald continues. "And Blue Jay—so is she!"

Something in me soured. The air in my chest wilted until I felt swollen with something awful that made the walls spin. I needed to get out of here. I didn't deserve to be here. I got to my feet and headed for the door. No one noticed, but I kept my face down anyway.

I didn't realise that I had begun shaking until I was in the hallway. Something had tightened in my chest. Something that made it hard to breathe. I cleared my throat although it was no use. Every muscle had become tight, ready for action. But I was unable to move.

My hand was shaking, I realised. I pressed my palm into the wall like I was unable to hold myself up. Maybe I couldn't. Were my knees shaking? Something pounded in my chest that made the room stir. I had no powers. Blue Jay had no powers. How could I defend myself like this?

"Helga!"

His voice made me freeze. Beneath it, I could hear footsteps rapidly approaching. Squeezing my eyes shut, I prayed that I was mistaken.

"Are you alright?" Arnold asked, sounding closer as his footsteps came to a halt. I could feel his gaze sliding across my back. I wasn't sure what he was looking for or whether he recognised it. But I sucked in a breath and pushed back my shoulders. He wouldn't find it, whatever it was.

"Yeah," I struggled to keep my voice even. I didn't turn around. "I'm fine."

He was quiet for a moment.

It filled my room with all sorts of thoughts: why was he here? Why wasn't he leaving? Was he just here because it was in his DNA to comfort anyone, even me? Had he seen me leave? Or had he already been heading out and just so happen to notice me now that he was out here in the hallway? A coincidence made more sense than intention ever could.

"You don't seem fine," he said slowly. I could hear the pause in his voice before he stepped closer. I froze. Because no, this wasn't what I wanted. Why was he doing this? "Helga, are you su—"

My eyes snapped open and I swung around.

"I said I'm fine, Arnold."

I jumped slightly because I hadn't been expecting for him to be standing so close. There was still a distance between us, but tilting my face back to meet his gaze, this felt like the closest we had been in years. The pounding in my chest flowed into a feeling that swept through me. I was exploring his features before I could stop myself: the freckles beneath his eyes. The way his chest moved with his breath. How many lashes he had. How his hair fell into his face, and how much I ached to push those strands back so I could sink my fingers into the locks like they were sand. I missed him. I longed for him. The feeling washed over me like a torrent.

He also seemed surprised, like he hadn't noticed how close he had moved until now. His gaze was moving over my face as well, gliding across my forehead, my cheeks, before sinking into my teeth. It made me self–conscious. I didn't know what expression I was making, but I knew that it would never hold a candle to how he looked.

Pressing my lips together, I looked away.

His stare was no longer cradled in mine so I didn't see his reaction. But I recognised his stance shifting, tightening for a moment as if something had caught up to him, before relaxing as he shook himself from his thoughts.

Slowly, he stepped backwards.

My heart shuddered when he did. He needed to leave but I wanted him to stay. Hunger pressed from beneath my skin, pushing outward into a silent cry that filled the room. It wanted nothing more than for his hands to be on me. Distance had been stuck between us for so long and for a moment, he had managed to shatter it. But with just one step, I could feel those shards collecting to snap back into place. His stare pressed into me. I imagined him looking at me like we were back in grade school: disgust curdling in his gaze while I tried hiding my feelings through scaring him.

Nothing had changed.

Arnold still feared me, and I was still in love with him.

It made me sick, the idea that Arnold could look at me like how I thought of Serec. But maybe it was better if he was afraid of me. Maybe it was good that I could wield this one small power over him. It would get him to leave me alone. I needed as much distance as possible so no one could get hurt.

"Did you read the letter?"

I paused, not expecting that.

"Micah's letter?" I asked. And when he nodded, I answered, "Yes."

He didn't say anything for a while.

I looked before I could help myself and was surprised to see that his cheeks had become pink.

"Micah made me write it," he stuttered, gaze dropping to his feet. "He wasn't going to go to bed if I didn't."

I paused, unsure how to feel about this. I didn't know why Arnold was telling me this. From his perspective, I had nothing to do with Blue Jay. Micah had given me that letter because I reminded him of her. So why did Arnold think I would care?

"Was . . . was what Micah—" damn those beautiful eyes of his. "Was what Micah wrote—what he had you write . . . was there any truth to it?"

I think Arnold's friends all like–like you!

My cheeks burned at the thought.

I had honestly forgotten about it when I had tucked the letter away. Boys finding Blue Jay attractive wasn't rare or hot news. Everyone watched when I was her. When she moved, their eyes followed, and it wasn't just in admiration of her powers. Even during school, it wasn't an unexpected place for conversations to go when people talked about her. I overheard it constantly. So, the assumption that Arnold's friends were among those who found her beautiful, wasn't shocking nor noteworthy.

Yet Arnold seemed to think it was.

"Yes," he answered with a shrug he tried to make casual. "Yeah, but who doesn't, y'know?"

That made me eye him,

"And . . ." I said slowly. "That includes you?"

He paused like I had said something that had caught his attention. His brows came together in a small, soft frown and I pretended that I wasn't turning red. I didn't know what I had said but I knew that it had revealed too much.

He looked between my eyes before finally answering, "Yes."

"But—" I shook my head. "Didn't she yell at you?"

He frowned. "How did you—"

"I overheard one of the boys," I lied and stepped closer. "She was too harsh."

"No, she wasn't," he chuckled, but it was bitter sounding. "Look, she was right to be like that—"

"Yell at you?" I demanded, suddenly feeling something flare in my chest. It curdled and made me want to sneer. But it wasn't aimed at Arnold. "Humiliate you?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Look, I—I fucked up. I really did. Micah almost died because of me. And so did Eugene and Sid and—everyone. That thing wanted Micah and then it attacked everybody else. They could have gotten hurt if it wasn't for her. She saved everybody while I almost killed them."

His face contorted with his anger and I hated myself for it. It was an expression I hadn't seen on him in a while. He was always smiling, always catching people before they could fall. I had begun to wonder whether Arnold even experienced anger anymore. But that had always been something I had been a natural at: pulling anger out of him.

And still, that tradition continued. I had done this. I had made him believe that he was to blame for this. But it wasn't, it never was. When I had yelled at him, I had pinned the blame onto him. Because I needed for there to be right and wrong. I needed for there to be a good guy and a bad guy. I needed for someone to remain on top while someone was at the bottom. I had shoved him beneath me because I had lost control, and the bottom was normally where I stayed. Past instincts still pricked at my skin, begging me to bring someone else down to where I lay. Maybe then, I would love myself. That was where I had failed him: I had treated him like I was still Helga, when I needed to be Blue Jay. And this was never his fight. It was never his responsibility. Arnold was a kid whereas, it was my job to protect people. His was to stay safe. That wasn't his burden to carry.

"Why are you telling me this?" I quietly asked him.

That seemed to surprise him. His eyes found their way back to mine and when they did, the anger cleared from his face like smoke. It was a surprise. I was used to invoking anger in him. I expected for it to happen again when I had implied that I didn't care. But instead, his eyes flashed with something that I couldn't recognise as the line returned between his brows.

He looked at me like he didn't know the answer to my question.

Something hung heavy between us.

It made something wiggle in my throat—words. I wanted to say something to him. I wasn't sure what, but I knew that those words would be pouring straight from my chest. I pressed my lips into a tight line, determined not to let them escape. There was nothing I could say that would be shocking to him, but that didn't mean that it still didn't hurt to not see love in his eyes.

The muscles in Arnold's jaw clenched like he was trying to force something back. But his eyes never left mine. They had softened in a way that reminded me of candlelight that burned until the pages had curled back and turned into ashes. Words rose in my chest and his name burned to leave my lips. He looked at me in a way that made it easy to misunderstand. It was why Arnold would always be untrustworthy. He was an oasis always pushing visions into my head. Making me believe that something would happen when nothing ever would.

"I . . ." he hesitated. "I don't know."

He stepped closer.

I hadn't noticed but so had I. The distance between us had been closing without our notice. Like something was pushing against us until we were forced even closer.

I wanted to be happy—mystified. Because despite the circumstances, Arnold was still so close. I just needed to reach out my hand and it would be against his chest. His breath would be washing across my face. His eyes would sink into mine like how I had always imagined.

But instead, I felt trapped. Enclosed. He was looking at me but talking about her. Thinking about her. The love I wanted was reserved for her. And I was unable to escape that fact. His eyes were cages, and I was the bird. The air thinned until it felt like nothing were left. Because his eyes were pushing a message into mine that was inescapable.

He loved her.

He loved her and he didn't know what to do with that love. Because she was too much for him. She was strong and out of his world. He wanted to find her but when he looked, it was like she never existed. He was chasing a mirage. I wanted to laugh at the irony that somehow, I was the one he had confessed this to. Why? Why did he want me to know this? Did he not know how much this hurt to hear? Or maybe, that was exactly why. Maybe I mattered so little to him that my judgement, my pain, it didn't mean anything

I shook my face, coming out of the spell. Yeah, that was why.

That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. I had been drawing lines and keep distance between us for years. We were never friends, and we never would be. And yet, that realisation saddened me. It angered me. It disappointed me. He looked at me like I should be reacting to what he was saying, like there was something that I should be saying. But I couldn't. Not without voicing my anger.

So, I said nothing.

I left.

And despite everything, it was an ordinary day outside.

The clouds were the shade of candy–floss and swam lazily across the sky. The sun was a glare and forced people to hold hands above their faces and squint. It was somewhat mystifying how fast things could change. Just this morning, it had been pouring and booming with thunder. Now, the air was warm and the light so bright, that when it hit the ground, it rebounded back into your eyes.

My skirt flapped from the breeze that tousled my hair. I had the interlinked chains wrapped in my grasp and my eyes had lifted to watch the birds as they flapped against the sun.

'Acantha, she will be pleased to hear this.'

I pressed my face into the fence.

'You have disappointed me.'

And sighed.

It had been two days.

A rustling caught my attention. It came from behind, but I didn't feel the need to turn. I didn't have to look to know that I wasn't alone.

"He hasn't shown up."

Her stare was boring into my back.

I expected for her to say something. I wanted her to say something—anything. But silence was all that I received. It made something flare in my chest. I turned to glare at her to find that she was already sitting on the bench.

"Why hasn't he shown up?" I demanded and felt the words sizzle in my throat. "He knows that I'm vulnerable."

Vulnerable.

I could feel the seething pulling my teeth together at the thought. Vulnerable. Weak. Useless. That's what I had become. That's what I had fallen too. I had everything standing on my shoulders, everything was depending on me. And yet, I was already breaking. Already, I was failing.

It made me want to cry. Why would she choose a failure to become the world's saviour?

Nel dropped her gaze. I was surprised by how vulnerable she appeared. It was a new look for her. She always had a hardness to her gaze. It frustrated me, but it comforted me. Because it meant that she had a plan. That she was always one step ahead. That there was something to fall back on. But when she was like this, that only meant that . . .

"I'm sorry," she said. "But I am afraid that I also do not understand why."

I released a harsh breath and stepped away from the fence. Sunlight was rolling across my body and pushing the fence's shadows over my face. I tried not to let it bother me that she didn't have the answers. She was only one person. But so was I. And I didn't know what to do.

"Who is Serec?" I asked her.

"I—" Nel's eyes darted across the floor as if she were contemplating her answer. Eventually, she shut her eyes with a sigh. "I'm afraid I do not know that either. But our best bet is that he is one of Acantha's henchmen."

'Acantha, she will be pleased to hear this.'

I shut my eyes. That was true. Whoever Serec was, he definitely had a relationship with Acantha.

"Is Serec—" I hesitated. "Is he a Mutant or Guardian?"

When Nel opened her eyes, her surprise was evident across her face.

"It—" She paused. "It is possible that he could be like you, Helga. Some Guardians grow to become so advanced that they no longer need a transformative device anymore."

I frowned. "I thought they were where our powers came from."

"Not quite," she shook her face. "They are tools designed to bring out what was already there. They reveal the truth, not further an illusion."

I didn't say anything for a while as I processed what she said. That information meant that Serec was even more powerful than I thought.

I turned back to the sky; to the white bodies that soared across the skies. The summer air moved like fingers that wrapped around their bodies. They were so distant, but something soared in my chest. There was a piece that was still missing and I suspected that I wouldn't ever find it again while on the ground.

The thought was as sweet as it was cruel. Without that piece, I would never feel whole again. But also, without it, I had the space to fit Phoebe.

We had promised that to each other. Years ago.

We had been sitting on the docks, our usual spot when we wanted to hide away from the madness. It wasn't hidden, but it also wasn't popular. No one went there anymore, which was perfect. We went there to find peace. It wasn't always much to look at. There was graffiti on the splintering wood and gum was still squished between the boards.

But you get there at the right time, and it became the prettiest spot in town.

That day, the sky had been blinding flares of sunlight, and the clouds had been wrapped in hues so vivid, they looked like they had been set on fire. The water rocked back and forth beneath our feet and slapped against the pillars. It had been beautiful, but I felt grotesque. My soul had been a mess of half patched shards.

"We'll be like those birds, Pheebs," I'd told her as I'd used my sleeve to wipe my nose. "You watch it—we'll leave this shitty place behind in the dust."

Phoebe had looked at me.

The line had returned between her brows, so deep you would think it had permanently become apart of her face. Her eyes went across my tears, but I didn't feel the usual shame. She was the only person who had seen me like that. The only person I allowed to see past the filters and defensiveness.

"Better than the birds," she'd said and tightened her hold around my hand. "We'll be like fireworks. We'll fly across the dark, brightening the night."

She said it with such confidence, that it felt like a punch to remember nowadays. I could feel myself smiling at the memory of it. Phoebe had always believed in me. She had stuck beside me like she was my twin, but now . . .

I rose my eyes back to the dying skies where the birds had vanished.

"I was never well liked as a kid," I admitted to Nel. She looked up at me and I chuckled. "Shocking, right? Phoebe was my only friend. The only person who cared about me. So, this whole being admired crap is still really weird. I never experienced that from anyone but her. But when I'm Blue Jay, I get it from almost everyone. They look at me and say how brave and strong and selfless I am." I smiled with bitterness. "Would it be selfish to wish that Blue Jay was someone else?"

Nel frowned. "Helga—"

"Why was I chosen as a Guardian?"

It became quiet.

The silence turned my blood cold. I still wasn't sure what answer I wanted. I didn't know if I would ever find an answer that was good enough to make this all better. Nothing Nel would say could take away the pain. The burdens that pressed into my back whenever people looked in my direction. I didn't like being the centre of people's focus, I had faded into the background exactly to escape it. But I had been so focused on escaping the ire that I had never considered how hurtful their praise could be.

"I miss being Helga—just Helga," I continued and wrapped my fingers around the chains. "Things were better then . . . I was selfish. I never had to think of anyone else's feelings. People looked down on me and I hated it. My entire sixteen years, I had never been a good person. But I never had to worry about living for anyone else. I was my number one and I lived for myself only. But now, I . . . I'm expected to always be there. To always know what I'm doing otherwise everything will fall and collapse and they'll leave me again. I thought being hated was the worst feeling in the world, but turns out, being loved is even scarier."

I dug the heel of my palm into my eye.

"I . . . I hate Blue Jay."

The silence became like poison.

I wanted Nel to scold me. I wanted her to tell me that I was stupid, that I was selfish and horrible and a disappointment.

But she didn't.

"Is that so?" she asked me quietly.

I glanced to find her ears had folded back against her head and her gaze lowering itself to the ground. Like she felt shame.

It confused me.

But I didn't deny her the truth.

"Yes," I nodded and turned back to the sky. "Ever since she's come into my life, I've been stuck in this small box. I haven't been able to breathe and exist as myself. I miss being just Helga. I don't want everyone looking at me and expecting for the world to be saved. I want everyone avoiding me because they know I'll burn it all down . . . I want nothing to do with Blue Jay."

Nel's eyes rose back to me. "Are you resigning?"

It hadn't been what I had intended on implying but despite that, I considered it. Was I resigning? Did I want that? I was ashamed to admit that maybe I did.

"No," I shook my head and turned back to her. "I want to, but I can't. There's no one else, is there? No, don't worry, I won't resign. But I'll work hard. I'll fight with everything I have so I—"

I released a shaky breath.

"—so I never have to be Blue Jay again."

I looked up to find Arnold watching me that afternoon.

The clouds had been burned away so when the sun had come out, the light had felt like flames that kept pouring into our skin. The breeze had picked up to move his strands to the side. He didn't move to push them from his face. His hands were by his sides like he had forgotten himself. But the tightness in his brows made him seem focused, like he knew exactly what he was doing. His gaze never moved away from me. He wasn't embarrassed to have been caught staring. His brows twitched when my eyes met his, like he was still trying to sort something out in his brain.

Students were flocking around him. The lines were being formed to get onto the bus. Lila and Gerald stood beside him although they were wrapped up in their own discussion.

"—just don't think it's very good."

"No way!" Lila shouted. "Ouran High School Host Club deserves exactly the praise that it gets!"

"You don't think it's a little overrated?"

"Gerald, I think you're overrated!"

I turned away from them. Pulled my hoodie up and began walking away. Arnold's stare pressed into me like a burn. I figured he was still embarrassed about the note. Like my opinion mattered. I shoved my hands into my pockets and held onto my pin. The metal was cool against my skin and strangely, that felt comforting.

"Helga!"

I stopped when I heard the voice and looking in its direction, I was surprised to see Phoebe racing in my direction. My heart sank at the sight. I'd missed her so much.

Sunlight filtered around her as she ran. It tangled with her dark hair as her smile hooked upwards her face. It was a smile I hadn't seen from her in a while. Staring at it, it hit me how long it'd been since we'd gotten to be best friends.

The moment she reached me, I threw my arms around her. She let out a startled noise as she was yanked to my chest. She didn't return the hug. Her arms stayed by her sides as her body froze up. I tried not to let that hurt me. From her perspective, it had only been two days.

Eyes were boring into my skin. I could imagine the astonishment they all felt: Helga G. Pataki hugging someone? Wasn't that the girl who was so unpleasant that even her best friend ached to get away from her? The assumptions made my throat burn. I wasn't sure whether it was from the words that wanted to escape, or the tears. What life had I built for myself, that the thought of hugging my best friend was a shocking event?

"I didn't realise you had missed me so much," Phoebe finally said and finally, her arms squeezed my waist.

I sucked in a small breath. Somehow, Phoebe always made everything feel easier.

"What brought this on?" she asked once we had separated. Her eyes were moving along my face as if, despite asking me for an answer, she knew I wasn't going to actually give it. So may as well find it herself.

Sadly, I smiled.

"Nothing," I told her. "Was there something you wanted?"

Her eyes bounced to mine like I had called her name.

"Oh, well, I managed to get the afternoon off," she sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. "I can finally manage a Sundae Monday. Even if it's three days late."

I blinked at her.

"Wait, really?" I shook my face. "How'd you manage that?"

"Well, there's just been so many attacks," she explained. "The head members don't wanna risk it so they've been pushing us to head straight home."

And like that, the excitement that had been bubbling in my chest, suddenly decayed.

Right.

I had actually managed to forget. How fucked up my world had gotten over night. How I had signed my soul away for a chance to fly. How high the chances were that today could be my last day.

This could be the last time I see her.

My gaze shifted from hers back to the ground, to my worn shoes, and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Shouldn't you listen to them then?" I asked her. "If they're so worried. It might be dangerous."

"I considered this," Phoebe said, shrugging. "But it's been quite some time since we have hung out, Helga. I figured this was worth it. Plus, I haven't had an afternoon to relax in a while."

Her words were a punch to my face that I took a while responding to. Because they were a cruel reminder that we were in completely different worlds.

It had only been a couple of days but already, I was buckling from the weight of everything. I had never been an optimist, but I also wasn't afraid. I wasn't always looking over my shoulders because I knew something wanted to sink its claws into my back. I wasn't setting my alarm to wake me every forty–five minutes in case there was an attack that I wanted to be awake for. I wasn't seeing visions of myself, dismantled and drowning in blood. This new world had turned me into a wound that you couldn't stitch to fix its misery. Everything was ending and I was getting used to sleeping with that thought lingering in my head. I was learning to sew myself up despite the bruises so I could relive everything the next day. Wake up, go to school, go to training, and then, go to battle. That was my world, that was my new prison.

And Phoebe existed outside of that. She didn't have to worry about it. She didn't have to consider that any day could be her last. She didn't have to feel that fear that shot so hard down your spine that it paralysed you. She didn't have the world resting on her back and crushing her neck. She was still so bright and hopeful, and her eyes reflected that.

I had no idea how long I stayed there, mulling over her words. But the thoughts that raced through my mind were like venom. Because I realised that we would never change. Things were never going to get better. I had been hoping that the distance that had been between us would one day be resolved. That one day she would turn around and come back to me. And there had been moments where I had thought that it was going to happen. But in that moment, I became aware that the distance between us had widened too much. And it was never going to close again.

"I can't," I finally told her. "Not today."

Or ever.

Phoebe looked at me strangely.

"Oh, really?" she asked. "Why?"

"I—" my tongue felt swollen. "Busy. I'm busy, Pheebs."

"Busy?"

"Yeah," I shifted the straps of my bag. "Busy."

"With what?"

"Um," I racked my brain for any lie and blurted the first thing that sprang to mind. "Orthodontist."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Nice one, Pataki.

"Really?" Phoebe asked, but her eyebrows rose in that way that let me know that she didn't believe me.

Not that I could blame her.

"Yeah," I swallowed then shifted my gaze somewhere—anywhere.

It was the end of the day so the sights around us weren't interesting enough to distract myself with. I had expected to just shift my gaze onto the fence until I felt brave enough to meet Phoebe's eye again. But instead, I caught Arnold's eye. He hadn't looked away; he was still watching me closely. The space between his brows was still wrinkled and his jaw was set in that soft frown he always wore when he was puzzled.

The buses had pulled up at this point and Gerald was amongst those fighting to proclaim his spot in line. Lila watched him like a disappointed mother.

"I have a super important appointment that I can't miss," I said to Phoebe, even though I was looking at Arnold. Why was he still looking at me like that?

"Oh," Phoebe said.

Something sank in my chest.

I was disappointing her. Hurting her. Letting her down. And I hated it. It wasn't a foreign feeling—disappointing people. Wherever I went, I was ill–equipped to handle things if it involved other people. I had gotten used to it, numbed myself to that fact. But I couldn't handle it when those people I hurt included Phoebe. The love that I felt for her had rushed to tie itself into burdens that sank in my chest. I wanted to scream and shout that I wasn't doing this to hurt her. I was doing this to protect her. But I knew that I could never make her understand. Not if I wanted to keep her away from this reality. What was I supposed to say? Cut me loose. Untangle me from her destiny. There was nothing she could do but get hurt. And I couldn't bare that thought. The consequence to living in different worlds was never speaking the same language and I had already come to the acceptance that we would never understand each other like we once did.

And so, I decided I would at least make this pain worth it.

Phoebe had been a constant in my life. She had always been there for me and I needed to do the same for her. I couldn't be there as Helga anymore but I could as Blue Jay. I would harden my skin into stone. I would run until there wasn't ground to cover. I would burn my tears and set my wails on fire. I would hold my arms out to keep the bullets from raining down on her. Shield, never the victor. I would give her my chance at life.

'We'll be like fireworks. We'll fly across the dark, brightening up the night.'

No.

No, we wouldn't fly across the dark, but maybe she could. I had to keep training, keep fighting. So she could, one day, become those fireworks.

She forced a smile. "Well, then, how abou—"

"I'm sorry, Pheebs," I was already turning my back on her. "But I gotta go."

I left before she could say anything.

Black swirled around me.

The hologram had its knees pinned into me as its hands wrapped around my throat. My head was pounding and the room violently swung between my eyes. Spit gurgled between my lips. I could taste my lunch. The hologram reached forward for my injured palm—

And I cried.

I tried fighting it off, but the pain was distracting. Maybe I could—

The hologram vanished.

I blinked. And frowned.

Sitting up, I clutched my palm. It sent a flash of pain that lit stars in my eyes as a slipperiness dampened my fingers. I ignored it to press my glare in Nel's direction. The glass was tinted, so from far away, it was harder to make out what was happening behind it. But I could still sense her worried gaze as she glanced down at my hand.

"Helga—"

"Serec's not going to quit just cause he sees that I'm in a little pain," I hissed at her.

"But, Helga," she frowned. "You're still injured."

Fury beat in my chest until I was climbing to my feet and marching for the window. The ache burned in my wrist and travelled up my shoulder until it was sparking in my knees. I ignored that, and the blood that was slipping down my fingers.

"It's my job to protect people. I knew the consequences when I signed up for this. And you said that you'd train me into a soldier, didn't you?" I stopped when I was in front of the window. My eyes never left her so I could see the pain that fogged her gaze. I hated the sight of it. "How're you supposed to do that if you keep babying me?"

She knew I was right.

She was reluctant but she knew that I had the upper hand here. This was what I had signed up for and this was my primary focus. Protecting people. That was all that mattered. She may not want to admit it, but being a Guardian was a sacrifice. It wasn't about receiving acclaim and fame, but keeping other people safe and to do that, you had to be the thing taking all the punches. Her eyes went down to my palm, but I shifted it behind my back. I needed this pain otherwise, I would keep running away.

She sighed and reluctantly pressed the button.

I turned around when the noises filled the room. I sized up the hologram that had appeared. It was larger than the others before it, and I knew that, had there not been such a distance, the creature would be towering over me.

I felt my nostrils flare.

And in unison, we lunged forward.

I wasn't back until night was falling over the city.

I hadn't realised how much time I was spending down there until I had stepped outside to find the vibrant colours of the day had softened into pastels. And by the time I was back in Hillwood, streetlights were burning bright as the black tucked behind it.

Shivers were pouring down my spine like knives. The winds were picking up and with it, tiny droplets were spitting down my face. I sniffed and tried pulling my sleeves down until they covered my fingers. Like it was going to do any good. I was still in my school uniform which until now I had complained was too long and stocky. But it left my legs exposed to the winds that couldn't seem to help themselves.

I pretended that it didn't bother me. I had always loved the rain. It wasn't a hard performance to remember.

Hair ruffled around my face and I shoved it behind my ears. I had been pulling my strands free from their ponytails when Nel had explained to me that she wanted to be on the lookout for any strange activities. Wraiths hadn't shown up yet, but that didn't mean that they weren't there. We needed to stay alert and on the watch.

So while she was wandering off wherever, I was headed back home. I didn't know if there would be any food in the cupboards. Maybe I should stop at a convenience shop for a cheap cup of noodles. The world was still spinning and I knew that it wasn't just because new bruises marred my skin.

I came to a stop, like the realisation was new, and pulled back my sleeve to look at them. As promised, Nel had cranked up the difficulty levels. It had gotten brutal. Truthfully, I think that was why she had left. Because she was still thrown from how intense it had gotten. How I laid there on the floor and kept telling her I needed more of it. I looked at the bruises and felt a hatred move through me. They looked worse than they felt. Blue Jay's healing must be kicking in because I couldn't feel anything. Or maybe, it had nothing to do with her and I was just so used to shoving everything so far beneath the surface, that it even fooled me. Maybe it had never been Blue Jay doing this to me, but Helga.

I then peeled off my blazer and stuffed it into my bag. I didn't know why I was doing it until the shivers were rolling down my spine with a violence that made it hard to stand. The hood was blown from my face and rain moved down my cheeks until my skin glistened. But I didn't mind. Because it felt good to at least feel something again.

I lifted my arms like I were waiting for an applause. The air grazed my skin like salt and pinched my neck. Hair flew down my back. It became so cold that it felt like flames were resting beneath my skin. I welcomed it all.

I continued down the street when I heard a familiar giggle.

I paused and looked over my shoulder, realising that I'd passed the Sundae Saloon. I sighed. That's where Pheebs and I used to have our Sundae Mondays.

My stomach growled. I groaned. I definitely would need to pick something up for dinner. It didn't matter if we had things at home. I hadn't eaten since lunch and our training session had lasted hours. I couldn't wait any longer than it took to get back home.

A thought then popped into my head and I steered in the direction for the Saloon. It was stupid; not only was it cold, but I needed something with substance. But I figured I deserved this. I was putting myself through the ringer and I likely wouldn't stop until the inevitable happened. One triple chocolate sundae couldn't possibly make anything worse. I could feel myself salivating just thinking about it—

I froze.

Peering into the large window, I recognised the people sitting in a back booth. Phoebe, Arnold, Gerald, Lila, Eugene and Sheena—all of them.

They were sat at the back where the light fell around them like a heavenly glow. Eugene and Sheena were in the middle, Lila and Arnold were to their right, and Phoebe and Gerald were on the left. Lila mostly engaged with Sheena, but Arnold's eyes kept moving back to her. My chest sunk. He was blushing. A smile had rolled across his lips without his notice. A new coldness swept through me that had nothing to do with the weather. The way he looked at her. I hadn't felt safe believing it, but after how he had looked at me today, I had secretly thought—hoped that . . .

Arnold Shortman was cruel, I decided. No one who had ever existed had been as cruel as he was to me.

It was never going to happen. I needed that to be hammered in. It was never happening because I wasn't her. I was Helga. I would always be Helga. I couldn't escape it.

Gerald said something that made Phoebe and Eugene laugh. She leaned back into his arms and snickered into her hands.

My heart sunk.

We really were in different worlds. It shouldn't have hurt me to admit that, I knew that and thought I had accepted it hours ago. But seeing it like this—how quickly she had managed to surround herself with people that made her laugh like that. I really wasn't needed. She loved me, I knew that. But she didn't need me. And when the one person you had thought needed you, no longer did, what else were you to presume if not that you weren't needed at all? Blue Jay was, but not Helga. Blue Jay would be mourned, Helga would be forgotten.

I looked down to my wrapped hand. Tears fused the shapes together. The words threatened to burn a hole in my throat. I held them back. This was good. This was really good. It was better this way. Phoebe could continue separating herself from me and that meant that she was safe.

This worked out for everyone.

I walked down the street in a new silence. I found myself holding my breath and wondered if it was because I didn't want to take anymore room then necessary. The hunger that had threatened to pull me to my knees, had been shoved so far back, that it became easy to convince myself that nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. I was fine. The future was weighing on my shoulders and threatening to bring everything into pieces. The world wanted to collapse in on itself. I meant nothing to anyone. It should have been upsetting, but strangely, there was a freedom in finally admitting it to myself. To seeing for my own eyes how pointless everything was. It didn't matter what I did because the story only had one ending. I had no idea how to prevent it, and maybe there was no preventing it. I was walking on borrowed time. It was only a matter of time before . . .

And suddenly, pink fingers were stuffing headphones into my ears. I scrolled through my phone and hit a button that made music fill my mind. It pumped so hard like it wanted to draw blood. I didn't care. I didn't care that I was standing in public. I didn't care that I wasn't even that far away from the Saloon and that they could come out at any point to see me. I didn't care because I didn't care anymore.

I began dancing.

My baby want a Birkin, she's been tellin' me all night long
Gasoline and groceries, the list goes on and on

The movements were small at first, snapping my fingers. Bouncing in my step. But as the sound grew and the lyrics travelled down my body, I began to throw more and more of myself into the song. It was like someone had snipped the strings that had been tied around my wrists. The shame that should've crept upwards my flesh, had been burned away, and instead, all I wanted was to move.

This 9 to 5 ain't workin', why the hell do I work so hard?
I can't worry 'bout my problems, I can't take 'em when I'm gone (Uh)

The way that the music moved through me was relieving. I imagined it glowing like magic, drumming like a second heartbeat.

One, here comes the two, to the three, to the four
Tell 'em "Bring another round", we need plenty more

Rain spiralled through the air. It smacked into my face and trickled down my neck. I could feel my eyes burning from the cold water. My hair swung as I ducked my face in time with the beat. The ache was trying to return to continue bruising my chest. The sickness wanted to come back to infect my mind. But I kept pushing it back until nothing mattered.

Two steppin' on the table, she don't need a dance floor
Oh my, good Lord

Blue Jay was taking everything from me. Everyone thought she was a hero, but she was a thief. She stole pieces that I hadn't even known I'd been holding onto. More and more until it was getting harder to stand. I couldn't keep stitching something that wasn't there. But everyone preferred her. They liked it when I was her. That made it worth it. Heaven was painted from Hell's colours. I would kill myself for their safety and they could continue like I had never existed.

Someone pour me up a double shot of whiskey
They know me and Jack Daniel's got a history
There's a party downtown, near 5th Street
Everybody at the bar gettin' tipsy

I wondered if it was still cold, or if everything had stopped. Then, I felt the rain come down harder. Lightning cracked and a shadow danced across the ground. I smiled. Clothes stuck to my body like second skin. I could feel my teeth chattering. Still, I danced.

Everybody at the bar gettin' tipsy
Everybody at the bar gettin' tipsy

No one cared. No one cared. And so, neither did I. Lightning coursed through the clouds and my shadow filled the street. Thunder was moving closer. Instinct spiked in my throat and told me to get out of there. But I shut my eyes and pretended that the rain was cold little stars. No one cared so I wouldn't care. And I knew that no one cared because if they did, I wouldn't be out here.

It's been forty–eight hours since Serec discovered I had no powers.

Tilting back my face, I felt the water move down my face like tears. Maybe they were tears. But I didn't crumble.

Instead, I laughed.

Serec, where were you?

So yes, this chapter is high on the angst. Would you believe it originally was meant to be a lot funnier? But the more that I sunk into Helga's perspective, the more inappropriate those jokes became. But this works better because this chapter was always meant to juxtapose the Superhero In Training, which, until the end, is filled with Helga's idealism. She was so happy and excited to become like the heroes in the movies, despite having issues with her powers. This chapter is the opposite where she goes throughout the day feeling dread rather than excitement. It was meant to contrast her idealism with the realism of the situation.

But what do you guys think? This story will get a lot happier and lighter eventually. But when you write from Helga's perspective, you gotta fight through the storm to feel that sunshine. She's got a way's to go. How do you feel about Arnold in this chapter? Any interpretations as to why he was watching her like that? Leave in the reviews!

Badwolf123456: ahaha thanks, darl! Yes, I found myself liking Micah as well! I'll have to bring him back eventually! Hopefully in time your questions are answered, thanks for the review!

SymboitShadow: Gave ya some more Phoebe! Not much, but some! Don't worry, she gets a bigger role soon! Thank you so much, hopefully you liked this one too!

Yali Page: These are all gonna be emotional chapters! Granted, not sure if we'll get to that level yet for a while, but defs expect that. Helga has a lot of feelings and not many outlets (yet)! And I dunno, we'll just have to wait and see if Phoebe or Arnold ever find out ;)))

Guest: Yeahh, I have a habit of writing a lot aha. Yeah, expect more songs cause I finally got a spotify and dedicated one playlist specifically for Helga, so I have a better idea of her music tastes! And yus, Phoebe will be included! She's too important to leave in the background!

Mengsk: Yes, I really enjoy diving into the human side of Arnold! A massive theme in this story is Mask vs. Truth. Pretty much everyone has a way of presenting to the public, but how in sync is that with their reality? Everyone is human, no one is perfect, and that goes for everyone! I'm really going to enjoy writing more from his perspective since he's absolutely an interesting character especially when you go straight from Helga to him, to see the contrast in her perception and his reality. I definitely have plans for him though! Thanks for the review!

miladyswords: ahaha thanks a bunch, darl! Damn, didn't realise I wrote that much! Noice, I'm pretty proud of those references ;) Yeah, I never hated her either, the hate she gets is bothersome as she always seemed pretty chill and in support of Helga x Arnold to me in the show! Yes, definitely going to be writing more of Phoebe soon! Hopefully I can get more of Arnold's perspectives cause I've had some last minute inspirations and many plans for this guy! Don't worry though, his and Helga's relationship is definitely on the slow burn side, their friendship needs some work first XD Thanks for the review, m'dude!

DhamarFlowers1.5: Thanks for the fanart, gurl! It really brightened my day XD Thank you so much, Helga's growth as a person is definitely my biggest concern when writing this! Also, yes, Arnold does in fact care and is very curious and suspicious, just like Lila, as to why she's suddenly so weird and shifty! Thank you so much for motivating me!

dvd123: Yes, I can't stand perfect characters and I don't view Arnold as one - he'd definitely would be making mistakes that could have dire consequences. You're definitely right, Helga is extremely emotionally and mentally exhausted but she's way too stubborn to openly admit it! Don't worry, Nel will grow to be more nurturing Helga as she starts learning more about her life! I honestly enjoy writing their interactions because it can become so bantering one minute, but they'll still show concern in their own way. Everyone seems to love Micah, so I guess I will have to bring him back XD thanks for your lovely review, hon! Hopefully you enjoyed this chappie too!

Guest 2#: Yes, I've always loved Magical Girl concepts and Helga's inner turmoil is my favourite part to write! Thanks for your lovely words :)))

Songs Mentioned: Busy Earnin' by Jungle and A Bar Song (Tipsy) by Shaboozey