He hesitated.
Even after everything, after all the blood, sweat and tears, he hesitated.
She didn't understand why. It was so surreal. He shouldn't do that. He should not not be able to say it.
And yet, he stayed silent, the sides of his beak pressed into a thin line, head lowered, his eyes half-lidded to avoid looking at her.
It was almost as if he was disgusted. Or ashamed.
She wasn't sure. She only knew it angered her beyond measure.
She had given him her all. She had opened up to him, she had given him her body and her scroomsaw, she had sworn eternal loyalty to him.
And despite all of that, he refused to say it. It made her physically sick, though she was not sure if it was from grief or anger.
She could feel the burn of tears pooling in her eyes, the boiling hot anger bubbling in her veins. She wanted to yell, to scream at him. She wanted to slap him, to claw him, to tear his feathers and skin off.
She wanted to see him in pain. She wanted to see him in the same state as she was in right now.
In a state of utter agony.
But she did nothing. She just stood there, silent, unable to move.
Not even her eyes flashed red.
She was just…frozen. It was as if someone had stabbed her heart with a dagger made of ice, leaving it in to slowly let her bleed out.
She wasn't sure how long she just…stared at him. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days…
She didn't know.
She just…she had to get out. She had to get out before she'd do something she'd regret…something that might cost her her life even.
She wanted to put distance between her and him. Between her and both of them, really, as she could not bear to face the other either.
The one who already told her. The one who was so much more open with her. The one who didn't hesitate to reassure her.
She couldn't look at him as she couldn't stand the thought of him being unable to be hers either, as he was already his.
It hurt. All of it hurt…so, so much.
She gasped some air in, a sound that may as well have been a sob. She pressed her eyes closed, praying that none of her tears would slip past her lids as she finally managed to turn her head away, facing the windows of the grand quarters she had spent so many nights in.
Nights during which she had experienced the greatest pleasures, physically and emotionally.
So, that was it, huh?
This is how it would end…
She was discarded, tossed to the side. All of those whispered words, those soft hisses…all of them empty promises.
She was lied to. Played with
Her mother was right. They were all the same.
They had no heart, no scroomsaw. They only had their hunger, their greed.
It wouldn't surprise her if they would have eaten her if he hadn't slipped…especially since the legends spoke of it.
But even then…it would have been a better ending than this. This devastation, this heartbreak.
She had to live with it now, to bear it for the rest of her life.
Oh, what a harsh punishment. Fate can be so cruel.
With a sigh, she spread her wings, ready to take off through the balcony and into the night. She didn't know where she might go, nor did she care. She might fly into another tower, she might fly into the woods and spend her night there…she might also just fly until her wings give out, plummeting to her death.
She was unsure. But being unsure was better than lingering in this room. So, she turned around fully, aiming for the window as she prepared to take flight.
But just as she did that, she heard it. It was quiet, deep. Low enough to be a growl.
"Аз лубов тазын."
She stopped dead in her tracks. The sudden halt nearly caused her to fall, but she barely registered it, catching herself before turning around, her eyes wide. "What?"
Her voice was nothing but a whisper. A hopeful breath passing with the wind.
He didn't look at her still, his head turned to the side now. His eyes were small, he looked tired. Burdened.
Sad almost.
She had never seen him like this before.
"What did you say?", she asked again in a quivering voice, taking a step towards him, unable to hold back the sniff that tore from her.
He stayed silent again, though this time, only for a short moment. And when he finally turned his attention towards her, his gaze locked with hers.
A gorgeous blend of dark cyan and gold met a fierce pair of the latter, the pupils small and slitted. He was focused on her, she could tell by the intensity of the stare, and yet he also looked like he was about to collapse from exhaustion.
It was a strange look on him, but she would be lying if she said that he was any less gorgeous. He was a beautiful creature, inside and out, though often, he hid it behind a wall of blood, steel and anger.
Now, that wall wasn't there. It had faded, reduced to nothingness. He was like an open book guarded by a monster. It was open to gain knowledge for those brave enough, yet one should be prepared to face the consequences once they dared to dip their claws into it.
He opened his beak, the smooth, black surface reflecting the candlelight. His tongue twisted, brushing against his outer fangs as he gathered himself, almost as if speaking those words was a task more draining than any battle. He gagged slightly a few times, his throat too tight to force out what he wanted to say.
But then, his fifth attempt came…
"Аз лубов тазын."
Finally…a repeat. Though…sadly…
"What?" She couldn't understand.
She took a breath, her heart racing as her widened eyes stared into his as if he had just grown a new head. Her thoughts were screaming at her, loud enough to turn someone deaf, though she could not make out what they were saying. No…her mind repeated his words over and over and over again, drowning them all out as it desperately tried to find out what they meant.
Never had she heard them before. And she wasn't sure if that was better or worse.
Then, out of nowhere, the monstrosity who had stayed silent throughout the whole ordeal, shifted. He adjusted his wings, rolled his shoulders, turned his head. His orbs began to glow, bathing them both into a warm, red light.
He opened his own beak, the outer fangs' tips flashing in the bright candle fires' light. He took his time, searching for the best translation. The best explanation.
And once he found it, he spoke.
"He told you he loves you."
She felt herself growing sick.
Was this a joke? A game they were still playing? Did they mean it? Or was it just torture at her expense?
She felt her head snap back at him, finding his gaze had not changed. He was standing in the exact same position he had been in previously, refusing to take his eyes off of her.
"Is that…" she began, though she had to break off to swallow the saliva blocking her throat. "Is that…true?"
He didn't reply immediately. Of course, he did not…but when he did, a scream almost tore past her lips. Not a scream of agony though, but of joy.
"Да."
Yes. He said yes.
He actually said yes, even if it was a word that differentiated from the word she knew…it was an affirmative.
She wanted to cry, she wanted to yell, she wanted to laugh…instead, she hurried forward, crashing into him, wrapping her wings around him to press him into a hug.
She held onto him as if he would fade if she let go, not caring as she felt him tense, clearly unused to the physical contact from her. For a moment, she felt his muscles twitch, and she believed he'd push her away, but no…he did not.
He grunted awkwardly, lifting one of his own feathered arms to wrap it around her, his movement slow and hesitant. She tightened her hold as she felt its weight onto her back, her shoulders shaking with so many emotions she did not bother to feel into her scroomsaw.
It was too much. Everything was too much…and yet, it was so perfect.
She didn't know how long they'd stay like this, nor did she care. She would not lift her head anyhow, she'd much rather keep it here, pressed against this warm, fluffy chest. Not even as she heard the monstrosity's claw's scratch the floor as he stood and felt his extraordinarily heavy skull lean against them both did she bother to even shift.
Why?
Oh, well. She may be their official lover now, but that didn't mean that she would let them see her tears.
After all, a future Queen of the Pure Ones must maintain her pride.
And that was exactly what Nyra was.