Isekaied by an inept Fanfiction Writer into Harry Potter
A story by DaManWriter, the inept Fanfiction Writer.
Disclaimer: If I did own Harry Potter or any other franchise that might get mentioned in this work, I'd relax on a tropical island right now instead of writing a disclaimer. I just borrow the characters for a bit and return them unharmed. Mayhap.
Chapter 7
The huge bearded head floated in the featureless white place right in front of Chris.
"Oh, I'm back in head space. Do I have to show you what I got or get zapped?"
The head seemed confused. It was hard to tell in this uniform white hell.
"WHAT?"
"Oh, forget it. Seems you don't recognize the quote. Good proof you're just a bad god imitation, though, Being Z."
"PLEASE DON'T COMPARE ME WITH THAT ENTITY."
"When the shoe fits and all that jazz. Now why the fuck am I back here?"
"IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID TO KREACHER. ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
Harry grinned.
"I'm not Sirius, my godfather is."
The floating head groaned.
"I told Kreacher a mix of truth and lies. What was true, what was not? That would be telling. One hint - the obvious lie isn't one."
The obvious lie Chris had in mind is him being a pure blood. He IS a pure blood - pure muggle that is, which is as pure as can be since he came from a place without wizards. Not that Kreacher realized this. Or Being Z.
After a pointless discussion and delivering a boring sermon the head finally sent Chris back.
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The next day's Prophet opened with a scandal.
DUMBLEDORE USES BLOOD TRACKERS ON BOY-WHO-LIVED!
Esteemed headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, was caught using several highly illegal blood trackers on our savior Harry Potter. For Harry's safety, he told aurors in the interrogation. As if anyone would believe such nonsense! There were also dozens of other trackers on all sorts of things belonging to the boy-who-lived. The headmaster seems to have a rather unhealthy fixation on Harry Potter. Is having such people working at a school a good idea? Probably not.
Now knowing Dumbledore doesn't give a damn about Harry Potter's privacy it shouldn't come as a surprise that the man also placed a mail redirect on the boy, that not only intercepted dangerous mail but all private mail and all official correspondence as well. And the headmaster did that right after that fateful night that ended the war. Yes dear reader, that means all your thank-you messages and birthday presents you sent to the little boy-who-lived never reached Harry Potter. Instead ta all dropped into the grubby hands of the Chief Warlock.
When I write official correspondence was intercepted that includes messages from Gringotts, which is a clear breech of the peace treaty with the goblins. This reporter has no idea how they might react to such a blatant breech, one that was ongoing for more than a decade, but I guess it won't be pretty.
How can a man with such important jobs like Headmaster of Hogwarts, Chief Warlock and Supreme Mugwump cause such a scandal? Is his advanced age getting to him? Is having multiple jobs finally too much for the old man? The public has a right to know!
Harry's grin got bigger and bigger reading the article. Fucking well done, Rita. You may be a bitch, but now you are my bitch.
Then he he thought about yesterday's visit at the DMLE and his grin fell.
Why the flying fuck did I call the noseless bastard child of an albino snake and a cowpat Shart Lord yesterday? That is fucking juvenile humor! Is that Being Z's influence? Is it being young again? A second puberty?
"Fuck!"
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In Hogwarts McGonnagall turned to the headmaster who sat with her for breakfast in the Great Hall.
"Albus! What in Merlin's name were you thinking?"
The man in question, after reading the article, felt a headache incoming. He needed some lemon drops. A whole bowl of the special ones.
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Prudenas Greengrass was pensive when he handed his elf the newspaper to clear away. His older daughter noticed.
"Did something happen, father?"
The man looked at Daphne who was gracefully sipping her tea, almost done with breakfast.
"You could say that."
It seems Dumbledore has kept a wary eye on Potter, more than he thought previously. It also seems Potter had noticed, took offense and started to do something about it. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and he had to know what.
"Daphne, I want you to befriend Potter. Try to find out what goes on between him and Dumbledore and as much as possible about the boy in general. Obviously there was a serious altercation between the two. I need more information."
His daughter looked at Prudenas as if he'd grown a second head. I should get close to Potter? He's a Gryffindor! He's a boy! Well, not that father knows I'm with Tracey.
"Potter is a Gryffindor. I talked to him maybe once a year. It would look suspicious to suddenly walk up to him."
Her father grinned.
"Be slytherin about it."
Daphne seemed unfazed, but internally she grimaced.
"I have to owl Tracey. She won't like this. She won't like this at all."
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"Floppy!"
The old elf appeared with a silent pop.
"Yes, Master Harry?"
"The goblins will start repairing the manor tomorrow. Can you arrange the payment for that and the wards they will set up?"
"Of course, Master Harry. Floppy has access to all Potter vaults."
Surprise bloomed on Harry's face.
"Wait what? All vaults?"
"Of course, Master Harry. Floppy is a family elf and as such has access to all Potter vaults to take care of all needs."
Wait a fucking moment. Elves needed to have full access to everything to do whatever the fuck they were ordered to do. Normally that would change absofuckinglutely nothing for him, but as he was the last Potter and as such effectively the head of the house he via the elves had de facto full access to all the Potter wealth. Fuck yeah!
"Excellent, Floppy. I want you to contact Gringotts right away and arrange all payments due to them now and in the future coming from the main vault."
"As you wish, Master Harry."
The elf popped away.
Well, well, well. All my money problems fucking vanished like a fart in a hurricane. With the repairs, wards and security plans I reckoned my Potter trust vault, the Black trust vault and maybe even some of the present vault would be gone. There would still be enough to live comfortably for a year or two, but this was fucking great. He could splurge now.
"Dobby!"
With a pop he was there.
"What can Dobby do for the Great Master Harry Potter sir?"
Harry looked at his trusty elf.
"Go to Gringotts and tell them I want to expand our renovation contract. They are to build a subbasement below the manor, a large main room with secured doors leading to five side rooms. Four of them warded cells, the other one a heavily warded storage room. I also want a reinforced and warded 50m x 100m large training hall with moving targets for spell practice added to the normal basement. Tell them I'll be there later to approve the plans and the cost."
Dobby saluted and popped away.
Harry had originally planned to use the dungeon of the rather derelict Potter Castle as secret stash, but this was way more convenient.
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A visit to St Mungo's Hospital for a checkup revealed Harry was missing various shots as well as his abnormal development due to a decade of malnutrition. That was expected, he actually went there to get the shots he missed as a kid thanks to a certain manipulative bastard.
What was not expected was the prescribed outrageously expensive potion therapy to counter said abnormal development. It would be kinda unpleasant according to the healers but he would grow at least 10 cm, 15 if he was lucky, and would also gain quite some mass since he was way to skinny. All that within weeks! He had to take several potions before and after all meals as well as before and after going to sleep. His meals had to be a lot bigger than normal to fuel his transformation.
Fucking excellent! Finally all those idiots would no longer be able to recognize and pester him wherever he went. Harry also was an irritatingly small bag of bones right now and Chris was looking forward to regain at least some height and muscles.
It placed his planned visit to Madam Malkin's to order two sets of dragonhide armor and their most expensive robes on hold, though. There will still be more than enough time to get everything before Hogwarts, so it was not a big problem. Oh, and he also had to fucking rebuy all the clothes he already bought at Harrods. Shit.
Well, nothing could ruin his good mood today. When he was at the Prophet earlier to give Skeeter another info dump she told him about Dumbledore's fake beard and how he tended to loose it at inconvenient times. It was fucking hilarious! Seems Harry had to call him beardless wanker now.
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From the hospital Harry went to Diagon Alley and bought the best, most secure and of course also most expensive trunk the place had to offer, then had it delivered to Warding & Charming to get warded against trackers and anything else it could be warded against. It was gorgeous, made from almost black agar wood with intricate gold inlays and had a very pleasant fragrance. Theodore Nott's father Truculus saw him purchasing the trunk and grumbled about half bloods being extravagant rabble.
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Training during the summer in his brand new training hall was something Harry was looking forward to. Using his own wand with the underage magic trace on it would probably be a bad idea, though. He was fucking sure Dumbledore was monitoring it's use to try and find him. Get stuffed, you beardless wanker!
Considering this Harry visited Knockturn Alley and tried to buy a traceless wand. They had some, Knockturn had just about everything, but sadly he found no wand that worked well for him. What to do...
"Floppy! Kreacher!"
The two elves popped into being.
"I need a fitting wand without a trace on it. Better make that two wands. Where can I get those without the ministry knowing about it?"
The two answers came almost simultaneously.
"The Potters have a collection of old family wands in their vault, Master Harry."
"The Black vault contains wands of almost all important family members dating back centuries, Master."
"Bring them to the manor."
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After visiting Gringotts to haggle about the payment for the new subbasement and training hall Harry bought a bunch of portkeys. He really had to learn how to make the fucking things himself. Harry jumped from one Potter or Black property to the next to erase undesirables from the ward books. Dinner was quite late that day since there was a shitload of real estate he had to visit. It also gained Harry a bunch of additional house elves which was quite welcome.
Dumbledore noticed the changes several days later when he tried to use the Potter beach villa near Portofino to unwind after the stress of chasing Harry for more than a week. The wards kicked him off the premises and the headmaster landed in an undignified heap right on his nose once more ripping off his fake beard in the process.
Some more attempts showed that he as well as all members of his Order of the Burning Chicken were no longer able to use any of the usual places. They would have to meet at Dumbledore's own house now. He needed to find that brat, fast.