The White Lotus Fortress/Loyalty to the Disgraced
8
Smooth laughter, conversation, the clinking of glasses, the sounds of footsteps, musical notes of solemnity… the air in the Palace was thick with all typical signs of restrained, dignified celebration. People scurried off to locations out of bounds, only to be chased back by soldiers to the main designated areas of the Palace where the Ball was meant to take place. Several, unsurprisingly, lurked by the hallways near Princess Azula's bedroom… but stern, firm guards who would not bow or break under the bribery or buttering up by obnoxious nobles refused to allow them anywhere near that crucial location.
Said nobles wouldn't have been such a nuisance if, of course, Princess Azula had been present during the Ball, welcoming her father's subjects as she usually did. Instead, Crown Prince Zhao was the one who had taken up that role. His most charming smiles and words would be welcomed by the arriving guests, all of whom inquired as to where the Prince's wife might be: he repeated without fail that she was indisposed, as her body was still adapting to the changes of pregnancy. The only instants in which his perfect mask would threaten to crack and break came about whenever someone, anyone, would unwisely congratulate him for becoming a parent, wishing him well in his future as a father to the Princess's child. He managed to keep the worst of his reactions at bay, but even then, he never failed to change the subject whenever it came up. He accepted the well wishes with a tense smile that spoke far too loudly of how uncomfortable he was upon hearing those words.
Still, he was the center of attention. As much as many people wished to speak with Azula, Zhao's starring role in the Ball was undeniable, and he wore his new role fairly well, betraying very little discomfort, very little displeasure in his current circumstances. It spoke all too well of his acting skills, for he had certainly behaved quite differently merely a few hours before the first guests had arrived…
"Haven't I done exactly what you would have asked of me this week?" Zhao had rebuffed Ozai's words before even hearing them, immediately confrontational once the Fire Lord dared set foot in Zhao's new bedroom, a luxurious suite in its own right, if not as spacious as Azula's own. "Isn't that enough for you? What more do you want from me?"
"You do understand why I chose you for this role, don't you?" Ozai said, firmly. Zhao's glare dripped disdain and skepticism. "It wasn't because I believed you'd be the perfect, ideal husband to my daughter…"
"Clearly. If I had been, you would have been all the more furious for it," Zhao said, dismissively. Ozai scowled.
"Your primordial role in this family, in this Palace, is to serve as Crown Prince. A Crown Prince who's absent until the very last moment is hardly doing his job."
"And yet I did show up. If only at the last moment," Zhao retorted. "As far as I can tell, that's exactly how you want things to be, isn't it, Ozai?"
"At what point in time have I made a claim of the sort?" Ozai huffed. "Curses, Zhao, I am here because I understand I have… I have wronged you."
"Oh? Have you, now?" Zhao's skepticism only seemed to increase by then. "Do tell, in which regards, precisely, do you believe you've wronged me? Is it in forcing me to take a wife when I've never been inclined to do so? In taking her side despite knowing all too well what a treacherous, scheming mastermind she can be? In letting her drive wedge upon wedge between us with her machinations and playing into her hand over and over? Or in thrusting a duty and a role upon me that I never expressed the slightest interest in, perhaps?"
Ozai fell silent: any attempts to apologize might go nowhere when Zhao was as harsh and cynical as he had been so far. Perhaps the best way to go about it would be to acknowledge that circumstances, all in all, had changed since their first clashes had taken place…
"I have acted erratically. I have known so from the start," Ozai said. "Driven by… by a rage I could not quell, I have wronged those I shouldn't have, you most of all. That is what I want you to understand… because it seems to me that you believe the situation remains as broken and volatile as it had been before, but it's not: he's dead, Zhao. There has been justice at last. I no longer need to concern myself with whatever treacherous ideas Azula might have in mind… for he is gone. And as far as I can tell, she's moving on quite successfully, though I anticipated…"
"That she would be torn up and depressed for the rest of her life, yes. So did I," Zhao said, and for once, it seemed he would set aside his hostilities as he found common ground in Ozai's confusion over Azula's reaction. "That's why I… I cannot lower my guard. I refuse to do it. A woman who was capable of destroying her own life and setting this city on fire for that slave…. You cannot pretend you believe her, either, when she acts as though she had recovered from it in a matter of days. She seems… too composed, too strategic, better than she was before knowing he had been slain. I cannot trust her reactions and frankly, neither should you. Whatever soft spot you may have for her…"
"I have no intentions of lowering my guard for good," Ozai clarified. Zhao frowned. "But I do believe… that with the biggest hurdle out of the way, it is time to mend fences. It's time to look back on… on how much that scum slave cost us all. Is it truly reasonable that some lowborn cockroach from the South would possibly cause as much strife between us all as he did?"
His argument seemed to find purchase in Zhao, somehow. Even then, the man presented himself wary, uneasy, judgmental. He hadn't lowered his guard any more than Ozai had with Azula.
"It's over now," Ozai said, firmly. "Letting his ghost control the way we continue to carry ourselves… he was always nothing. He was worth nothing. A nobody until Azula foolishly deluded herself into thinking otherwise. At this point, we pick up the pieces, Zhao. And I acknowledge, yes, that many of those pieces are there by my own doing. I was… erratic out of fury, though I'm sure you won't pretend I was not within my rights to be, considering…"
"Considering what?" Zhao cut him off, frowning. "Channeling your rage into dispensing justice against the Gladiator would have been ideal, but that fury of yours splattered everywhere. Are you going to backtrack on your many decisions, final as you presented them? Is the Gladiator League coming back, by any chance?"
"That… no," Ozai said, frowning heavily. Zhao scoffed.
"It's not even that I want it back that badly… there's no true point to it without Hakkai," he said. "But can you still pretend, truly, that you're going to fix everything that's been broken over the course of this nonsense just because he's dead now? There are things you can't take back. And you've made mistakes that no displays of remorse, late as they are, can amend."
"Then you're saying I waste my time by coming to you? By asking you to come into your role as Crown Prince with the dignity and seriousness such a role requires?" Ozai asked, challenged in his willingness to keep their exchange mild and peaceful.
"I say… you cannot pretend that all of us will be as ready as you seem to be to turn over a new leaf," Zhao said, frowning heavily. Ozai scoffed. "If you truly want this of me… if you truly wanted me as your Crown Prince because you trust me, because you believe I can do the job properly, then you'll have to give me time, Ozai. Time to grow used to this situation… time to grow into the role. Time to truly put everything behind us… and you'll have to do one more thing for me, as well."
"Are you truly making demands from me now?" Ozai asked: Zhao was undeterred by the question.
"You will think twice before she so much as files her fingernails. You will second-guess every single choice she makes," Zhao said, frowning heavily. "She is no innocent child, no matter how close you ever were to her because she was your favorite. You've already witnessed, directly, how harmful her behavior has been. You've seen the horrors she's been capable of. She could have derailed the Royal Family on her whims… she was set on doing exactly that, and she would have gotten away with it if you hadn't put a stop to her when you did: don't ever underestimate Azula again. Stop seeing her as the little girl you used to dote on… and start seeing her for the threat she truly has become."
Ozai frowned, lowering his gaze. He had certainly not been a doting father at all, even if Zhao was keen on seeing him that way. Compared to the years he had spent believing and trusting in his daughter, his current standstill with Azula was as cold and distant as could be. To this day, to this moment, she refused to acknowledge him as her father…
"I have no intentions of underestimating her ever again," Ozai said, firmly. "What leniency I've shown her has been conditioned, as ever, and it will never be as open as it used to be. Her days of careless freedom are long over and she knows it."
"I can't say she does, considering how easily she swept Rei into her pretenses of being the sweet, soft royal who cares for the weak and downtrodden," Zhao scoffed. "To this moment I struggle to understand how she wound up taking after…"
It was fortunate that he knew better than to finish that sentence. Zhao's eyes sparked with uncertainty as he glanced at Ozai warily, finding the Fire Lord's glare had sharpened even further. Zhao hesitated but spoke anew.
"What little you've granted her is too much already, is what I'm trying to say," he corrected himself. "Rei is…"
"Your daughter," Ozai said, cuttingly. Zhao frowned. "And as much as both you and she would rather it were otherwise, Azula is your wife. You may accuse her of trying to brainwash your child… but by all effects, she would always be the girl's stepmother. It's true that you're wise not to lower your own guard around her… but I cannot say I've ever heard of a stepmother and a child bonding quite as quickly as they seemingly have, only to the utter frustration of the biological parent."
"She's using Rei, just as she used the Gladiator. I've already told you so…"
"And you've backed out and allowed it," Ozai said, simply. Zhao frowned. "Acknowledge the girl as yours. Regain your authority over her by doing so. It's hardly that difficult a concept. If your deepest concern is your daughter's wellbeing, and you suspect mine is corrupting her terribly… how, exactly, does the adoption of the girl prevent you from protecting her? You can just as easily have a say upon the matter if you do something, Zhao…"
"Right. And acknowledging the girl won't result in grievous consequences, will it?" Zhao said, with a sarcastic, tense smile. "It would hinder the Royal Family greatly, I would be a stain upon it, marrying into the family while having a child out of wedlock…"
"A child Azula has already, impulsively, adopted. If you want it kept quiet, it will be quiet," Ozai said, simply. "She has already told me she has no intentions of turning the girl into an heir to the throne, requested no nobiliary titles for her… there seems to be no need for concern on that front. Therefore…"
"Not until it's convenient. It's… it's all a trap, damn it, Ozai. I told you to take nothing for granted with her…!" Zhao exclaimed. Ozai frowned.
"So, you just… you intend to merely give up the girl to Azula? You will do nothing about it, no matter how much it bothers you?" he asked. "Zhao…"
"Quit… quit trying to lecture me on how to be a good parent. It's as hypocritical from you as it is from her," Zhao snarled, pointing at Ozai with a trembling finger. "A man whose daughter turned into such a treasonous viper gets no say upon… upon whatever choices I make with my family."
"And what family is that, exactly?" Ozai asked, arms folded over his chest. "You're estranged from the wife you never wanted, the daughter whose existence you were unaware of, even the father-in-law who has come today in an attempt to put aside all grievances and begin to work with you once again… what family, exactly, are you making choices with?"
His question seemed to strike Zhao so powerfully that it rendered him speechless. Ozai breathed out slowly, shaking his head at Zhao's silence.
"This is getting us nowhere. The Ball will begin shortly," he said. "It's all the better if we discuss this later. Be at your best, as you have been this week… and do not mistake me for your enemy, Zhao. We are, ultimately, on the same side. We have always been allies. We have always been friends. This is a challenge, without a doubt… but not one we cannot overcome. So, please… think on what I've said, if I cannot ask anything else from you."
He had set aside his pride, he had taken his time to speak thoroughly with Zhao for once… and yet, upon meeting those angry dark eyes, Ozai suspected his last request would go nowhere. He knew, all too well, that he had reacted explosively, cruelly, over the debacle with Azula and the Gladiator… but it was time to move on. It was time to lick their wounds and set their sights on the future rather than continue moaning and groaning over the Gladiator's crimes.
And perhaps that was exactly what Zhao was trying to do by dancing with highly-ranked noblewomen well after Ozai had taken his own turns and taken his seat at the tall throne, on the far end of the ballroom. Even so, Ozai knew his friend all too well. He knew there was much unsaid between them, he knew the distrust and resentment Zhao felt came from a place of outrage over Ozai's own reactions and emotions, which he had exteriorized in the worst of ways. It had taken him too long to reflect on it, on any of it… to feel the weight of his own choices. Azula's pregnancy had been an unexpected problem, a wrench, just as Zhao had said it was… and only now did Ozai truly take his time to reason with it all. With Azula's unwillingness to call him her father… with Zhao's distance and spite, the resentment he felt upon having been pushed by Ozai one too many times into taking actions he hadn't meant to. That Ozai had expected better of Zhao, that he had assumed he wouldn't take advantage of Azula, was a given… just the thought of it made his blood boil, regretting having set up their marriage at all. And yet Zhao had said all of Azula's choices had to be second-guessed, questioned… Ozai certainly could do that, but nobody had forced Zhao's hand, had they? Ozai doubted Azula would have wanted any form of intimacy with the man, her unwillingness to marry him had been apparent all along…
Was he being blinded by his foolish emotions? Or did he make mistakes bigger than he realized he had? Were his expectations so terrifying for both Azula and Zhao that they had made mistakes of their own, believing that Ozai wanted them to pretend theirs was a proper marriage…?
Even his father hadn't done anything quite as disturbing as that to him, had he?
It wasn't to say, however, that Azulon had been kind at all, in any way. No, kindness was absolutely beyond the former Fire Lord, for he had been disgusted by the concept of letting Lady Rina's family marry into their royal lineage… but even the pressures Azulon had forced upon Ozai had never led him to breach the boundaries between himself and the woman who had become his bride out of fear.
Their wedding took place within three months of their first encounter. In that time, Ozai provided Ursa with lavish gifts to ensure she understood how much he valued the opportunity to marry her. Most the responses he received were dignified, elegant, and so he had been thrilled by the chance to speak with her, to feel that approval directly when she visited the Palace a second time, for the sake of preparing everything for the wedding.
He was frozen on his spot upon finding that Ursa had worn none of the jewels he had sent to her on this new visit.
"It was my understanding that you had appreciated the gifts I sent you," he had asked casually, as they shared a meal. Her discomfort was apparent, and a pang of guilt tugged the pit of his stomach. "I do understand if you preferred to keep them for a later occasion, of course…"
"It's very gracious of you to say so," she said, with a polite smile.
"Is something the matter, then? Or is it merely that you would rather not wear them for such moments at all?" Ozai asked. "If any were not to your taste, I could…"
"You needn't worry about replacing or finding new ones. The ones you sent quite suffice, it's only…" Ursa said, breathing deeply before offering him an apologetic, sincere smile. "Jewelry has always been my mother's thing, not mine."
Ozai's whole world had trembled and threatened to topple over that single sentence. It took him no time to understand that he had slighted her with his presents – though she had assured him that was not the case at all, of course not – and that he should have known better than to assume she would treasure any gifts he dared offer her. Had anyone granted him a gift he could only possibly associate with his father, he would have been as unwilling to rejoice in it as he suspected Ursa felt right now.
Thus, he tried a different approach. He asked about her preferences, about what gifts she might consider valuable and useful. She had laughed off his question, though answered that books and written plays would sit well with her. Still, she had insisted he did not need to make grandiose gestures in order to win her over if that was what he was trying to do. He had nearly taken offense to the words, only to acknowledge, moments later, that it was precisely what he was trying to do.
She puzzled him. She saw through him so clearly, so easily, as though he were an empty vessel who had mistakenly thought himself to be overflowing. He felt unworthy around her… and yet it wasn't the same lack of worth he felt with his father or brother. No… Ursa was much kinder, much sweeter in the delivery of her devastating answers, and he found himself at a loss every time, regardless. How could he ever impress her? How could he ever earn her respect? The questions tormented him… and they continued to do so even as their wedding was underway.
He barely remembered the ceremony. It went by in a blur, and he had been so nervous he had dreaded he was sweating profusely through his robe – it was a terribly hot summer day as well, but that had nothing to do with it. He had been used to training at high heats, his body could handle high temperatures far better than it could handle nerves. Still, all had gone well, regardless of Azulon's occasional eyerolls and glares, standing at the very front of the crowd. He had not intervened, he had not interrupted… he had allowed Ozai to marry Ursa, presumably expecting him to have chosen the worst possible wife, and surely looking forward to the chance of mocking him for it, in the future.
Still, it wasn't Azulon who started the trouble once the ceremony ended and the reception began:
"Ah, but at last I get to meet you! My brother is most fortunate to have found a bride as beautiful as you, Lady Ursa!"
Ursa had smiled politely, graciously, as Iroh and his wife, Daiyu, stepped up to congratulate them – soon, however, it became clear that they only intended to speak with Ursa and not with Ozai, even if he was right beside her.
"I've only just returned from the frontlines. Any setbacks and I might have missed the grand occasion, and how regrettable that would have been!" Iroh had laughed, as Daiyu and Ursa smiled. "I certainly hope you've enjoyed your wedding day, Lady Ursa…"
"It was a beautiful ceremony, yes, and I have greatly enjoyed my time in the Palace," Ursa said, nodding graciously anew. "The honor of being Prince Ozai's wife is one I do not take lightly."
"It is he who shouldn't take it lightly, not you," Iroh laughed. "I'm grateful for Daiyu every day, Lady Ursa, for she has certainly shaped me into a far better man than I was before we were brought together. Surely you shall do the same for my brother before he knows it, and may I say it will benefit him just as much as it has benefitted me, if not more so. It is a husband's duty to worship his wife, I say!"
"Oh, darling, do mind how you speak," Daiyu laughed, cheeks red as Iroh wrapped an arm around his wife's waist – she was a head taller than him.
"I can only hope my brother will prove to be an agreeable husband for you," Iroh had said, and Ozai had been unable to keep from tightening his hands into fists. "I do try my best to be here for Daiyu and Lu Ten, of course… but Ozai has no military assignments to worry about, to say one thing! He has no complicated responsibilities to bear with, I believe, and I don't doubt he'll be ready to sacrifice his personal ventures in order to do right by his wife. Isn't that right, brother?"
Ozai offered Iroh a curt smile once he finally addressed him personally. He turned his head towards Ursa and nodded, stiff and wary.
"I intend to fulfill my vows as a husband, naturally," he said, simply. Iroh laughed and shook his head.
"Must you sound so somber and solemn upon saying something like that? Truly, you should be rejoicing! It's quite fortunate you found such a beautiful bride, I say…"
Ursa's eyes met Ozai's as Iroh rambled on and on. There was something in that deep amber that made Ozai's chest tighten for an instant… and then Ursa's mask was composed again, with even more strength than before, as she turned her attention to Daiyu:
"If I may be so bold to say so… I have met your son already, and he is quite delightful," Ursa said, with an earnest, warm grin. "I'm sure you're both very proud of Lu Ten. I can tell you've raised him wonderfully."
"Ah, he's a ray of sunshine. The brightest thing that has happened to either of us, for sure!" Daiyu said, beaming. Iroh laughed and nodded.
"You will certainly feel that way quite soon, Lady Ursa, once you bear plenty of children for my brother as well!"
Again, Ozai's hand tightened into a fist. Again, Ursa appeared uncomfortable, despite she had hoped to channel the conversation away from Ozai and towards someone she had hoped Iroh would have nothing but gushing praise to offer to. But it seemed he would not fulfill Ursa's expectations… at least, not without tossing unwanted comments about Ozai at least one more time before doing so.
"Perhaps I can share a few tales about Lu Ten, that way you'll be further prepared for what to expect once… well, once you're both at that stage of your marriage, of course! Though I have no doubt it shall be quite soon, as long as you know what you're doing, brother!" Iroh had laughed, and Ozai had barely resisted the urge to punch the famous Dragon of the West square in the face.
And that was how it started. From that point on, the rest of the reception became an uncomfortable matter, as every last one of Azulon's nobles seemed to offer him nothing but the basest of curtsies and congratulations while focusing fully on Ursa, instead. He was a commodity, a sidepiece… he was the royal, and he didn't matter.
He didn't blame Ursa for it, though. He couldn't quite be that foolish: it was Azulon's doing all along. Maybe Iroh was involved in it too… but Ozai had caught far more glimpses of his father's scathing glares, of him speaking to nobles mere instants before the stepped up to the table to greet the newlyweds. Again and again, everything was but a persistent, malicious mockery of Ozai. That was all Azulon cared to do… and it didn't matter how dignified Ozai might be as he endured it, Azulon would always be the winning party in these twisted games he liked to play, ever forcing his son to become a laughingstock for his personal satisfaction.
And yet Ozai knew he couldn't say a word. He couldn't have an outburst about it, he couldn't react at all… for, no matter what he did, Azulon would always win. And while Ozai didn't care too much about whatever opinion Iroh or Azulon's top nobles might have of him, he cared to make a better impression on Ursa than he did on most anyone else he'd known. He wanted her to like him, he needed to convince her that she'd made the right choice by marrying him… and he wanted her to feel that way not because she was greatly popular among the nobles, not because she would be admired by the common folk, but because she had chosen him. As long as she didn't regret this marriage, as long as she thought she had made the right choice because of him, rather than because of the external benefits to their match, he would be content. That was all that truly mattered…
After about two hours of receiving gifts from nobles who would merely address him offhandedly before focusing on Ursa, a servant approached to convey that Ozai's presence was needed elsewhere, to handle some complications in the storing of gifts in the Palace. He had to take his leave since Azulon, of course, encouraged him to do so. That it was yet another of his father's ploys was obvious from the get-go: if it weren't for Shaofeng's quick assistance and helpfulness in taking over the matter for him, surely Ozai would have been stuck dealing with the matter and supervising servants all night long…
Upon returning to the wedding reception, however, Ursa was gone.
He had to stay until the time was right for him to retire. He had no choice but to do exactly that: of course, as ever, this was Azulon's doing. Yet again, his father played disgraceful, distasteful games with him… no doubt hoping already to set up Ozai's marriage for failure by giving him as many frustrations as possible this early on, so his temper would flare and Ursa would think him an aggressive, mindless fool. It was just another punishment for having chosen someone Azulon didn't want… for having made the choice Azulon had thought he wouldn't make. But perhaps it was also that Azulon knew that matters between Ozai and Ursa could sail smoothly, if given the chance… and he couldn't stand that notion. If Lady Rina's beliefs that her family's bending gifts would skip a generation were true, Ozai's potential future children with Ursa could prove to be better heirs to the throne than Lu Ten was… no matter if he, of course, wasn't ready to breach the subject with his wife just yet. Their impending offspring was a subject they were aware of, something that would come to pass eventually… but they could take their time to decide how to handle such a delicate matter later.
By the time the evening was wrapping up, the Fire Lord told his son that his duties as a husband had only just begun, and that he'd do best not to fail his new bride this early on in their marriage: the meaning of his words was obvious, and Ozai only resented him further for them.
Ozai stormed off to his room in a hurry, nervous, anxious. He hadn't attempted to ask anyone where Ursa was on account of knowing he would be ridiculed for it. He probably had been ridiculed already over her absence during the bulk of their wedding feast, to begin with. The whole damn city would be laughing for years at the Prince whose wife had fled in the midst of their wedding reception, to be sure…
He pushed the door to his bedroom open, and he wasn't surprised to see a young woman leaping to her feet when he arrived.
"Ah… ah, there you are," Ursa said: her smile was tense, nervous. She could tell, surely, that he was in a terrible mood. She might fear he'd take out his frustrations on her, since it had been far from a perfect evening… and she seemed remorseful about that, too. Ozai frowned as he closed the door behind him.
"Have you been… waiting for me here, for all this time?" he asked. Ursa gritted her teeth, lowering her gaze.
"A servant told me it was the right time for us to retire, right after you were called away. I take it you weren't given the same information?" she asked. "Supposedly, you'd join me shortly, but it… it has been hours, yes."
"A servant," Ozai repeated, a twitch of displeasure on the corner of his mouth.
"I… I am sorry. I should have known better than to listen…"
"You should have known better?" Ozai asked, frowning. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, as much as I've played along with it as best as I could, I am not blind, Prince," Ursa said, eyeing him with unease. "This evening was… surreal. In the worst of ways, I'd say."
"I… I suppose that's one way to see it," Ozai responded, though his uncertainty seemed to fade upon hearing her words.
"It makes no sense to me. I kept think about what just happened…" Ursa said, running a hand over her hair before sighing profusely. "Was it your brother? The one who sent the servant, I mean? I do understand some siblings have… well, rivalries, that sometimes they prank each other? Was that…?"
"Doubtful," Ozai said, his gaze softening as he stepped deeper inside the room, closer to his still-regal bride. "Though not out of lack of malice on Iroh's part. It… it was my father's doing, instead."
"Truly?" Ursa asked, frowning. "Then… if you say this about Prince Iroh's malice, does it mean both of them would be likely to…?"
"To pester me in any way they can think of? Certainly. I'd say it's their favorite pastime," Ozai said, off-handedly, as he removed the groom's capes he wore. Ursa swallowed hard.
"Do you wish for any help with…?"
"I appreciate the offer, but you needn't do so."
She appeared relieved by his response, though she eyed him with unease all the same. Only after Ozai had tossed the capes in his laundry bin did he slow down to ponder why.
"Do you wish to… get rid of all that?"
He asked the question by pointing at her many hair adornments. Ursa offered him a weak, guilty smile before nodding as gently as she could.
"I've tried to grow used to them, but… they're heavier than I anticipated," she admitted. Ozai nodded solemnly.
"If you require assistance, I can…"
"I can handle it myself, I hope. If I'm proven wrong, I'll ask for your aid for certain," Ursa said. "I shall take care of it in the bathroom, if that's alright by you…"
"As you wish," Ozai said, simply. Ursa nodded.
She returned almost a half-hour later, still clad in her dress, but her luxurious hair ran down over her shoulders freely this time, instead of being propped up by so many accessories. Ozai forced himself not to stare, immediately taken by her beauty, which he couldn't help but find enhanced now that she was no longer burdened by massive headpieces.
"It has been a long day," Ozai said: Ursa's eyes widened upon noticing he was pouring himself a cup of liquor. He raised the bottle in her direction, afterwards. "Would you care for a drink?"
"I… I would be honored, yes," Ursa said, with a gentle smile. Ozai nodded as he poured a second cup.
"We can sit and talk as we drink, if you'd like," he said, setting down the bottle before marching into his room's adjacent dining area: he returned with two chairs, without waiting for Ursa's agreement or confirmation. Even so, she smiled graciously at his generous gestures.
"Thank you," she said, as he set down the first chair before her. They sat at the same time, picking up their respective cups. "I have to say… this hasn't been what I expected upon joining the Royal Family."
"I would be stoked to hear that it's because of how impressed you are by it… but I am not naïve enough to truly believe that's what you mean," Ozai sighed, shaking his head. "My father will never acknowledge he has wronged you, that's the first important thing you should know about him. If I confronted him about what he's done to us tonight, he would lash out even more fiercely. Thus… I have to ask you not to bring up your grievances with this family to anyone other than myself."
"Is it alright by you if I bring it up with you?" Ursa asked, amused. "It is, after all, your family…"
"I am under no delusions that this is the perfect family," Ozai said. "Not when my father has… has been treating me this way for as long as I can remember."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Ursa said, eyeing him compassionately. "Is he just as harsh with your brother?"
"No, of course not," Ozai said. Ursa frowned.
"Then… is that why you and him don't get along?" she asked. "I don't mean to pry, but…"
"I am, in their eyes, an inconvenience not worth noting," Ozai said, bitterly. "The second son seems irrelevant when the first is already the picture of perfection… well, in my father's eyes, that is. Iroh isn't, in any sense, the picture of perfection, but my father insists on believing otherwise. Thus, nothing I do shall ever measure up to Iroh, and I do believe they fear my potential. They fear that I might actually be better than Iroh, in the end… and that's why they get in my way as often as they do, to ensure I never have a chance to prove it. Though, of course, they would claim I am but a spoiled brat, ungrateful for what privileges I have been granted… and I admit, all these petty squabbles must appear pathetic to a third person. Surely you would think I am… well, complaining over nothing. I am, after all, a prince…"
"I might have thought that, if I hadn't experienced this day by your side, on the most part," Ursa said, after taking a sip of her drink. "It made no sense to me that all those nobles would greet me, approach me, celebrate my joining of the Royal Family while… while sidelining you completely. Is this how they've treated you all your life?"
"Indeed," Ozai said. Ursa frowned.
"It's cruel. It's wrong," she said. Ozai eyed her with uncertainty, his heart picking up speed gradually throughout this conversation: he always felt this way when he conveyed his struggles to anyone new, anyone he was opening up to. He had felt it with Zhao, with Seethus… and now, suddenly, it was his own wife. Instead of dismissing his understanding of the world right away, Ursa listened. Ursa wanted to see his side of the story… a slow smile spread over his face at the sight of such outrage on hers. "I… I am sorry if this is truly what you've endured all your life. I cannot pretend my understanding of the Fire Lord is absolute, or correct, but… he is your father. He should have never treated you this way, regardless of being his second son rather than the first. It's wrong."
"You truly believe so?" Ozai said, softly. Ursa nodded. "Well… you must be the first person to marry into this family and hold such an opinion."
"I suppose I may be," Ursa said. "Though that only makes matters all the more unfair to you, if you've never had so much as an ally to rely on."
"I do have friends, allies… just, not within the family itself," Ozai said. Ursa smiled and nodded.
"I'm relieved if you're not quite that lonely, then. You shouldn't be," she said. Ozai smiled too.
"Knowing you understood what was happening, that you see my side of this conflict, has certainly done away with the loneliness I felt for most the day," he said. Ursa nodded.
"I have been preparing for months for this wedding. The very people I thought would do their best to make this a perfect ceremony and celebration were the ones who seemed hellbent on making it a mess," Ursa said. "Your father, with all his schemes… and your brother, too. The way he…"
"Oh, don't mind anything he said, please," Ozai said, cutting her off nervously. "All that about our future children, you really shouldn't…"
"Oh… well, it was quite sudden, when he brought that up," Ursa smiled, shaking her head. "I admit, I'm not quite sure we should be rushing towards having children quite so quickly… but his mocking demeanor towards you was what unsettled me the most. I had imagined… well, I had imagined a Crown Prince would not be quite as undignified as he was. I even had the feeling that he… well, he deliberately taunts you with anything within his reach? I tried to divert the conversation away to other subjects when he took to mocking you, and he never failed to bring it back to you somehow. Am I mistaken for thinking this was deliberate?"
"You're not," Ozai said. Ursa shook her head.
"And I suppose that, if you react to the taunts at all, it is you who pays the price," she said. Ozai nodded.
"Right yet again," he said. Ursa sighed now, setting down her cup.
"You lead a complicated life, clearly," she said. Ozai smiled weakly.
"It's a cruel fate I've bestowed upon you, yes," he said. "Though I deemed our marriage a valid possibility for reasons well beyond either my father or my brother. I… was intrigued by you. I still am, in truth. Perhaps, instead of discussing our catastrophic wedding feast, we should speak about other matters."
"Should we?" Ursa asked, with an uneasy smile. "Is that what we shall do tonight?"
"For now, I would expect so," Ozai said, taking the bottle again to refill both his cup and Ursa's. "If you are not curious in the least about me, then you shall have to do all the talking…"
"I am curious about a few things, no doubt," Ursa smiled, and Ozai did the same. "It's merely… well, we are married. It is, uh…"
"Our first night as spouses, yes. As we've scarcely spent time together, I would rather we do that first. Whatever may come later can come later," Ozai said, dismissively. Ursa nodded in agreement. "So… do you have any preferences in meals, for one thing? Any dream vacations you wish to go on? Perhaps a pastime you have never attempted and would like to try your hand at?"
"I… what?" Ursa smiled. Ozai grinned back, raising his cup in her direction.
"Were you expecting other manner of questions?" he said. Ursa laughed and shrugged.
"Perhaps. But I suppose you continue to be full of surprises, Prince Ozai," she said. He bit his lip and gazed at her meaningfully.
"You… can call me Ozai. There's no need for honorifics at this point, we are married after all," he said. Ursa's smile widened.
"That's quite a lot of intimacy for a single conversation as spouses. I'm certainly impressed," she said, playfully. Ozai grinned too. "I have to ask… is this what you would have rather done tonight? Simply… spoken with me through the feast, and gotten to know me better in these regards?"
"Perhaps. Had I thought there would be no repercussions for it, had I thought my father would allow it…" he said, shrugging. "I suppose he would say we'll have the rest of our lives to find out whatever we wish to know about each other… but I would say this is a better way of going about it. Consider me stubborn, presumptuous or eager… perhaps I am all those things. But like I said… you intrigue me."
"And you must unravel all that intrigues you?" Ursa asked: the tone with which she spoke sent a pleasant jolt down Ozai's spine. "Or is it you, perhaps, think some mysteries are much more valuable for their quality as mysteries?"
"I… suppose I thought the former idea was better. But if you have strong enough arguments, I may be convinced of the latter," Ozai said. Ursa's smile gained more sincerity, and his heart jolted anew.
"You truly are not what I was expecting, from a man as awkward as that of our first encounter, or a man who sends so many gifts of jewelry," she laughed softly. Ozai's cheeks reddened.
"I… shall not make that mistake anymore," he said. Ursa shook her head.
"I took no offense…"
"If I learn more about you… I may learn more about how I can offer you truly meaningful gifts and experiences. Of the sort that might be unforgettable, I would hope," Ozai said, eyeing Ursa with uncertainty. "If, of course, that is what you wish…"
"You're always so concerned with whatever I want, whatever I may wish for…" Ursa said, smiling fondly at him. "The truth is, I barely know what I want but… I do know what I don't want."
"Also quite important," Ozai conceded. Ursa's eyes found his, and the intensity of her amber gaze took him aback.
"The dishonesty with which you've had to behave around your father, your brother… the way you've endured their mockery and dismissiveness, it's maddening," she said. Ozai frowned. "I never… never want you to act that way with me."
"You… what?" Ozai raised an eyebrow.
"I want you to be honest. I want you to be forthright about whatever you think, whatever you feel… if I ever prove infuriating to you in one way or another, I wish to know of it," Ursa said, smiling at him. "In return, I shall be as honest as I can be with you, as well. I just feel… that now that I'm your wife, it means we're in this chaotic situation together. Our position in this family is the same. We are allies, Prince… Ozai. Oh, I'll get used to only calling you by your name eventually, though it doesn't seem to be about to happen yet… still, what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to ever feel obligated to lie to me, to pretend that you're fine if you're not. I want us to truly be allies. To be a better family to each other than… than either of our two families have been to us, thus far."
Ozai sat in silence, stunned by her words. He couldn't even bring the cup to his lips again before shaking his head to snap himself out of his daze.
"I… I believe it can be done, yes," he said. Ursa smiled fondly at him. "I… am grateful. Surprised… and grateful. I suppose I took for granted that I'd never find any such support from family, but… you are my wife. You are family."
"That is what marriage entails, yes," Ursa nodded sagely. Ozai swallowed hard.
"Then… if this is what you wish for, consider it granted. I… I shall not be dishonest with you. For good or ill."
"And so, I shall offer you just the same promise," Ursa said, smiling. "As for your many questions… I suppose I will simply ask that you answer them for me, as well? Your favorite meals, your dream vacations…?"
"Ah… that can be done," Ozai smiled. Ursa laughed as she took to answering his questions indeed.
It had been a dreadful evening, a chaotic feast… but the unpleasantness of the situation seemed dispelled once their conversation began. Ozai hadn't taken out his frustrations on Ursa over what he had known was Azulon's fault… and she had been silently grateful for that, as proven by the ease of her behavior. Little by little, her tighter restraints seemed to loosen up, perhaps both because Ozai helped her feel comfortable, perhaps because of the drinks they shared that eased her spirits further.
Neither was truly drunk by the time the bottle was finished. They had been silent, watching each other in the dim light of the room for about ten minutes, when it became clear that their remaining conversation topics would be best left for morning now that their liquor had run out. Perhaps because it was, Ursa appeared nervous once again.
"So…" she said. Ozai raised his eyebrows and nodded.
"So," he repeated, simply. She let out a soft giggle before rising to her feet.
"Ah, well. Best we get on with it, then," she said. Ozai raised an eyebrow.
"With what, exactly?" he said: his gaze raked her figure as she stepped closer towards the bed's dais, her back turned towards him. Tipsy or not, Ozai knew his eyes were not deceiving him regarding the remarkable beauty of the woman he had been fortunate to marry.
"It's our marital duty, is it not?" Ursa asked, turning towards him with a weak smile. Ozai frowned. "There's no need for that face, now… did you have too much to drink, perhaps? If so, we can wait until you feel better…"
"I had enough. I'm still sober," Ozai said, pushing himself up to his feet before marching closer to Ursa: he could see the trepidation in her eyes. It was not anticipation, it was legitimate uncertainty… fear, even.
He stopped right before her, crossing into her physical space with firm footing. Ursa seemed moments away from jumping away from him, but she stood her ground regardless.
"Do you want this?" he asked, plainly. Ursa sighed, smiling sadly at him.
"Do you truly intend to ask me this question at every point in our marriage?" she asked.
"Is it burdensome that I might?" he asked. Ursa shrugged.
"It's endearing, but ultimately, we both know what a marriage is meant to be about, Prince… Ozai," she rolled her eyes. "I will get used to it, I will…"
"Take your time," he said. Ursa raised her eyebrows. "With everything. I have no intentions of forcing you to say my name plainly… or to make you do anything you do not want to do."
"That's fortunate for me, no doubt, but… are you certain?" Ursa asked, eyeing her husband warily. "I… I do not know what I want, that's still true to this moment. Perhaps I won't know if I want it until I've experienced it directly? Either way… I have a duty, as you do. What we want is not as important as that."
"Huh. Then so be it," Ozai said, before leaning in.
Ursa stood frozen on the spot when his hands tilted her face up, so that his lips would meet hers. She didn't kiss him back. She didn't embrace him. She didn't touch him at all. She simply stood there, rigid, until Ozai pulled back.
"Now you've experienced it directly," he said, curtly. "And you do not appear to want it any more than you did before."
"I…" Ursa gasped: her cheeks had flushed deeply crimson now, and not because of the drink. "P-Prince Ozai, I…"
"Don't," Ozai said, raising his fingers to her mouth, placating her before she could speak anew. "You have only made one request of me… and that is honesty. Truthfulness. What neither of us will find with anyone else in this damned Palace. And that honesty… that is our duty to each other. Our true duty. Until the day comes when you truly want this… you won't give anything you are not ready to offer me. My father will not know about this. My brother will not know about this. We can pretend we've consummated our marriage already, for all they care: but I will not force this upon you if you are unwilling. It's… it's enough for me that you are willing to listen to my words, that you wish to understand me. If that is what this marriage will provide, then I am more than content with it."
"But…" Ursa said, trembling violently. "I understand this, I do, it's only…"
"You do not want this," he said. She eyed him hopelessly.
"Do you?" she asked. To her surprise, Ozai smiled.
"I don't know," he said, simply. Her eyes widened now. "But I am willing to exercise enough patience with myself, and with you, in order to find out eventually. For now, however… I believe we're both better suited by beginning this marriage with enough respect for each other's boundaries. One day, perhaps, you'll feel differently. But for now… it has been a rather long day. Choose whichever side of the bed you prefer, and I'll take the other one."
He pulled away before she could say another word. Ursa gasped for a moment, but by the time Ozai pulled a robe from his closet, in order to change fully into it, he found his wife was smiling to herself, eyes closed in unexpected relief. However beautiful he found her, however strongly attracted he felt to her womanly body, he found himself smiling too upon knowing, for once, that he had made the right choice. He would wait for her, for however long he had to. He wouldn't start this marriage the wrong way, for it was the first good thing to happen to him in longer than he cared to think…
Perhaps it was the first good thing to happen to him, ever.
He wanted Ursa's approval, that had been his driving force from the start. He wanted her affection, if only to a moderate extent, since a clingy, needy wife would not be all that convenient, let alone appealing. He wanted her happiness, more than anything: he had spent a lifetime hoping to make his father proud of him only to fail every time. It would not be the same with Ursa… he wouldn't let it be the same with Ursa. If she ever wanted him, he would be hers in every way she wished him to be. But until then…
They changed into their sleeping robes, taking their time in the bathroom, before slipping under the covers, next to each other. Ozai was tempted to turn his back on Ursa only for the sake of finding a comfortable sleeping position… but he held back, fearing he might displease her with what she might feel was a rude gesture. He laid down, face-up, as did she, and they spoke no words for a long time.
Still in smooth silence, he suddenly felt her pinky finger brushing against his own, under the covers.
He thought it had been an accident, that she'd pull her hand back. She didn't. Instead, her fingers traveled over the back of his hand gently until each of her fingers slid smoothly, perfectly, between his. By the time he dared gaze at her, Ursa was smiling.
"Good night… Ozai," she said, and he could tell she had made a deliberate, conscious effort to keep herself from uttering his title. Ozai smiled for it.
"Good night, Ursa," he said, his voice deep and earnest. Her smile widened as she closed her eyes, her face turned towards him.
Eventually, Ursa would confess to him that all his gestures of gold and jewels meant nothing to her. That displays of wealth were easy, unimpressive coming from a man who had it all. But his questions, his willingness to do whatever it took to win her approval, to understand her, to bring her true happiness, had meant everything, instead. His willingness to ignore his marital rights for the sake of her peace of mind had convinced her, in full, that she had made the right choice upon marrying him. That he was the man she wanted to call her husband. That he would wait for her, until she was ready… it had been the most gallant, touching gesture anyone had ever made towards her.
It was why she had grown close to him, and what had ensured she would do her best, for many years, to make their marriage work as well as it could.
Of course, the good days didn't last forever. They had fallen apart eventually, of course they had… but they were good, at first. They were better than good, even. Every memory of those days would hit Ozai deeply, sinking within him heavily… and yet they were treasured memories of a past that had been painful and frustrating in just about every regard but her.
That he, a complete fool of a boy, had understood to respect his wife while having next to no living experience to fall back on, was probably not as commendable as he had thought it was. But it had been easy enough for him, even, as an innocent man with rather primal urges at the sight of the beautiful woman he had been very fortunate to marry, to respect her. She had allured him all along, driven his soul mad with need and want… and yet he had held back. He had held back.
So how, exactly, could Zhao justify his own actions? How could he pretend he had been innocent, that this had been Azula's trickery and treachery? Zhao knew, all too well, about Ozai's choice with Ursa. He had found it laughable for years. He had to know Ozai wouldn't have been unforgiving over something he, himself, had done. And yet…
Watching Zhao dancing with the wife of General Ling only furthered Ozai's uncertainties, doubts even stronger than those Ursa had experienced that night: had he ever understood Zhao at all? Whatever mistakes Ozai had made, Zhao had made a fair share of his own. Was it truly possible that Azula could be orchestrating something, anything, to get away with her schemes once more? After everything he'd put her through, would she truly take such a risk…?
Perhaps she wanted this rift to happen between them to take a petty, foolish revenge over her lost lover and Gladiator. Perhaps she had indeed set up a scheme, thorough and calculating, to destroy Ozai's friendship with Zhao… but it was Zhao himself, in continuing to act erratically, who was failing to thwart those schemes. He could be a father to Azula's child… both to the unborn one, and the one he had sired with someone else, many years ago. He could be a helpful husband, offering his assistance through her pregnancy. If he made mistakes, he could just as well repent for them, come back, and try again…
It was what Ozai would have done with Ursa. It was what Ozai had done constantly with Ursa. Even at the very end… even on their very last night together.
But the more he watched Zhao dancing, the clearer it became that he was expecting too much, hoping for too much, while a dark, unwanted answer dangled right before Ozai's understanding, no matter if he tried to sweep it away: one man would have done all those things for Azula, much as Ozai had done them for Ursa. The comparison between Azula's relationship with Zhao and Ozai's marriage to Ursa was out of place, utterly… for there was as good as no relationship to speak of in the former case, both parties had seen to that. But there was one man who had mattered more than anything to his daughter. One man who would have been the immediate, obvious answer had anyone asked Azula what Ozai often asked Ursa: what did she want? What was her true wish?
A deep sigh left the Fire Lord's lips as he rubbed his brow with his fingertips. It was going to be a long night… and perhaps it would do him no good to reminisce any further, but thoughts of Ursa when their marriage had been at its smoothest state occasionally soothed his confused, troubled soul. His anger was placated… and his uncertainties faded as reality did, too. As he gave himself to a brighter, idealized past, turning away from an unsettling future of his own making… a future where nobody would ever get what they truly wanted. Not Azula, not Zhao, not Ozai… not Ursa.
Once again, the Fire Nation's Royal Palace would show its most ornate, festive aspect to the many guests who had attended the traditional Ball at the final day of the Festivals. Nobles crowded the halls, laughing and rejoicing, delighting themselves with the luxurious meals provided by the kitchens, with the sullen and solemn music performed by the chosen court musicians, with the conversations they held amongst themselves, chatting on and on about the events in their lives, such as whether their children had found suitable marriage prospects, if the neighbors had fallen into debts they couldn't help but struggle to hide… all subjects of gossip would be on the table for them, and they would likely not run out of matters to talk about until the night was over, or until they lost consciousness over too much to drink.
At least, that was what Azula assumed was happening outside her room's closed door. Her eyes remained shut as she heard the rumbling noise that betrayed the presence of far too many people in the Palace for her tastes. It was fortunate that Renkai intimidated the nobles who had been invited to the daily feasts in the Palace after each celebration: he had already informed Azula that he'd chased away five lurking fools over the last week, all of them with different, absurd excuses to come anywhere near her bedroom.
Her windows were shut and locked safely: nobody would come inside her haven if she didn't want them: even in her better days, the Ball had never been her favorite day of the Festivals. Nowadays, it seemed even more distasteful, more unwanted, than it already had been in the past.
"You two are sure you don't want to join in on the dancing and the feasting?" Azula asked out loud, as she lounged in bed.
"Not a chance," Song responded, without hesitation. Azula smiled as Rei raised her head to answer too – she had been poring over her newest books, delighted by everything she was learning with them.
"We already have food in the room, that's the only thing we could have needed," Rei remarked, with a small smile. Indeed, hours before the Ball had begun, Song's foresight had seen her, Rei and Renkai hauling plenty of food for the three women to enjoy while the Ball was in full swing. Not all of it was ideal for the pregnant Princess to eat, but Song decided to cut her diet some slack, if just for one day. "I don't think I'd want to be out there…"
"Times certainly have changed," Azula said, running her hand over her hair. "Had I told my father that I didn't want to be in the Ball before, he would have laughed in my face and made it clear I was to be there, no matter what. I don't think I'd ever realized how much I disliked it until now, when I'm finally free not to be there."
"What is it like?" Rei asked, angling her body towards the bed: Azula laid across it while Song sat on a nearby chair, browsing a book of her own. "All this… well, celebration. Is it as… as noisy and unsettling as it sounds like from in here?"
"Worse, likely," Azula smiled. Rei shuddered. "Though it might have been better for others who weren't in my role, I admit it…"
"Don't be too sure of that," Song smiled, closing her book. "I attended one Ball, I definitely wasn't doing Princess duties, and it was a very unsettling experience."
"Oh, well, but… that's not exactly what Rei is asking about anyway," Azula said, with a fond smile. Song laughed as Rei, as usual, grinned brightly while turning fully on her chair, hugging the backrest against her chest.
"Another story?" she asked. Azula raised her eyebrows.
"One that was terrifying, when it happened. Then it became funny. Now it's… it's probably depressing, come to think of it," she said. Rei's smile faded. "Well, now, don't look so dejected. It was merely… well, Sokka and Song attended the Ball that year, pretending to be a couple so as to not awaken any suspicions about his relationship with me. Song and Rui Shi weren't exactly public about their relationship yet, though certainly not because I was quiet about it…"
"It wasn't that bad that you told the other guards, though," Song said, with a reassuring smile. Azula grinned back.
"I wasn't trying to be nice by telling them, admittedly. I just wanted to punish Rui Shi for being so sneaky," Azula laughed softly. "Ah, well… what happened, though, was that Sokka and I had our first serious fright over being caught by my father."
"Oh?" Rei's eyes widened. "Oh, no…"
"It was a misunderstanding," Azula clarified. "Though… well, the one responsible for it was Zhao, no less."
"Really? What… what did he do?" Rei eyed Azula warily. Azula smiled and shook her head.
"Those were less unpleasant days. He wasn't quite as nightmarish as he has become over the past months," Azula clarified. "In short, due to a few foolish moves on our part, Zhao had grown to suspect I had a secret relationship with someone. I didn't know he was looking into it… but then he drew Sokka out during the Ball, talked to him and tried to get the truth from him. Sokka tried to play the fool, to lie and to plead on my behalf too… and, in doing so, he unwittingly revealed his feelings for me to Zhao. Zhao told him to find someone else, basically, as if finding a new person to love was as easy as that, and he went to talk to my father afterwards. So… Sokka came to find me, we set a plan in motion and ensured he could be far from my father's reach, safe and sound, while I dealt with everything. But it wasn't until I was sitting at my father's study, by the next morning, that I discovered… well, that he thought the man I was involved with was Rui Shi."
"R-Rui Shi? The captain…?" Rei asked, glancing at Song. The healer smiled and nodded.
"It was a surreal, ridiculous situation caused by Zhao's misunderstandings," Azula said, with a sad smile. "We sorted it out, and all was well… though Zhao still knew, ever since, that Sokka loved me. He didn't act on his new information back then, he didn't reveal it to anyone… I guess he used to have some respect for us, but that's well and truly gone by now."
"I see…" Rei said, biting her lip. Song breathed deeply and shook her head. "Why was it so unsettling for you?"
"Because… heh, well, Azula skipped that part, but at first I had to chase away a very creepy girl who was trying to put moves on Sokka?" Song recited, grimacing. Azula shuddered and shook her head.
"That weasel showed up at my wretched wedding to Zhao," Azula growled. Song shuddered, glancing at Azula with mournful compassion: Yang had said as much, a few days ago, but confirming Hina truly had witnessed Azula at her lowest point was profoundly enraging. "Good thing I felt so utterly numb that day… else I would've likely beaten her to a pulp right then and there. She was basically there to gloat, nothing more…"
"She's disgusting," Song said, shaking her head anew. "And she always has been. Anyway, it wasn't easy to get rid of her, but after we succeeded, I went to find Rui Shi and then we had to help Azula and Sokka with their struggle. It was a very stressful night for everyone, and then… then, once everything was settled, I found out that Rui Shi had been crazy enough to tell the Fire Lord, outright, that he had a relationship with me."
"W-what? Really?" Rei asked, amused. Azula laughed as Song smiled fondly, arms folded over her chest.
"He was terribly forward and blunt like that, yeah," she said. "He didn't even hesitate to admit the truth of our relationship. I can imagine the Fire Lord must have been utterly unconcerned with what he said…"
"He seemed not to understand anything, whatsoever," Azula smiled. "He was genuinely disappointed that… that I wasn't with Rui Shi simply because he thought it was well past the right time for me to get married. Even if Rui Shi wasn't highborn or from a renowned firebending lineage, my father was thrilled to set aside those grievances just so I could finally marry someone and stop making him worry about the fate of our bloodline. Of course, I didn't marry Rui Shi, and… well, we all know how things turned out, in the end."
Rei, still hugging the backrest of her chair, eyed Azula compassionately. As ever, returning to her current reality after letting herself think of a brighter past caused the Princess's heart to sink, even if she pulled herself back together as quickly as she could.
"If nothing else, I'll always be grateful that night wasn't the one where it all ended," Azula said, closing her eyes. "We did so many more crazy things after that day… achieved so much during the next two years. Things took an awful turn, we know they did, but… I'm grateful for what time we had. I only regret it wasn't longer, still."
"It's better not to beat yourself up about it," Song said, glancing at Azula with sincerity. "I know you still blame yourself for a lot of it, but… don't lose sight of the truth, alright? The one who caused all this, the one who started all this…"
"Was my father," Azula finished. Song nodded. "I'm aware, and no number of speeches he allows me to make or requests that I pray by his side will sway me away from that knowledge. I can't deny that he still matters to me, he is my father and… he used to be my whole world, once. Whenever he does anything kind, even if just a small thing, my foolish heart wonders if maybe, had I behaved any differently, he wouldn't have acted as he did… and then I remind myself of reality. Of the truths that I long rejected and attempted to dissuade myself from. In the end… it was always conditioned. Only if I was the perfect daughter would he grant me his approval, his support… his alleged love, I suppose, though he would have never called it that, in the first place. No matter what displays of kindness he makes, I know better than to believe in them… but even then, I can't help but feel a foolish attachment to him. One he doesn't deserve and never will."
"And if… if he ever did regret what he did?" Rei asked, quietly. "If he tried to make amends, you wouldn't forgive him anyway?"
"Heh… I've been known to hold grudges for a long time," Azula said, with a slow smile. "Sometimes for years, even, in order to enact my revenge when the right moment arrives… and it's worked quite well for me, I have to admit. Even so… even the worst of the slights anyone committed against me in the past, whether they regretted them or not, can't hold a torch to what my father did. At this point… his regret would amount to nothing. I may still care for him, and I will always believe he doesn't deserve that I do… but I will never forgive him. That much is a certainty, regardless of whatever displays of kindness he may make. Regardless of whatever stupid weaknesses my heart still may feel towards him on occasion. There's no forgiving someone who committed sins of the magnitude he did… and I'm not a forgiving person, in the first place. But I think I'd be far more willing to forgive many others for their faults against me… though not everyone, of course. Still, definitely not my father. Not my uncle, either… not Jeong Jeong, the rotten rat. I can only hope he's haunted by horrifying visuals and desperation as often as I have been by the sight of Sokka bleeding out to his apparent death when I thought I could do nothing to stop it. Even if anything from his past haunted him that way, though… I wouldn't forgive him anyway."
"Jeong Jeong…? Someone nearly killed Sokka…?" Rei asked. Azula smiled and shrugged.
"It sounds like I ought to have a grudge on a sizable group of people, if that's enough motive for me to never forgive someone," she said. "But the truth is that only those three have ever come remotely close enough to truly killing him… to truly breaking us apart permanently. My father's gone the extra mile about it, of course…"
She breathed deeply before she frowned, eyes flickering from one of her companions to the other. A sudden shift in the atmosphere of the room revealed that the Princess, talk as she might about other people's hypothetical regrets, was experiencing quite a few regrets of her own right now, as well.
"Goodness, you two really should go find someone fun to talk to in that party outside," she said, with a weak laugh. The others smiled, shaking their heads right away. "How do you stand being around me when I'm such a miserable, brooding mess?"
"Oh, you could be worse," Song smiled playfully. Rei laughed and shook her head.
"You're not that at all," she said, kindly. "I… I know a lot of your stories are sad now, but it's always fun to hear about… well, okay, it's not always fun, it's not fun to hear about him nearly dying, but…"
"Like I said, a lot of people tried to kill him," Azula smiled. "He was just too resilient and stubborn to let them succeed. But anyway, let's change the subject or else I'll start reminding you of my brother…"
"Uh… I don't think that's possible, seeing as neither I nor Rei ever met him," Song pointed out. Azula snorted.
"Then I guess I'm the one who's reminded of… huh. You never did meet him, come to think of it," Azula reasoned, glancing at Song. She shrugged.
"He had already left the city again when I started spending more time with Rui Shi and visiting the Palace more often," she said.
"True. Well… I'd like to think you would have gotten along with him, but that's probably because no one on their right minds wouldn't get along with you," Azula smiled. Song laughed shyly. "Then again, my brother was often unpredictable in the most ridiculous of ways, so… who knows if you would have gotten along or not, huh?"
"Hard to say, but if you say he would be brooding the way you apparently are right now, I'm sure I would have been able to handle it," Song declared. Azula laughed and shook her head.
"Oh, he was worse, I'd like to say. Which is rich, coming from someone who's been hitting rock bottom repeatedly for months, but still…" Azula said, before closing her eyes tightly and shaking her head. "Enough, then! Change the subject to something uplifting, for your sakes. I have no intentions of playing the anchor and drowning you both with my sorrows."
"Well… you say that, but you already seem to be in a better mood than you were yesterday," Song pointed out. Azula raised an eyebrow. "You've been unsettled over something, and you said it might have been Sokka…?"
"Ah… well, I did wake up feeling strangely better about life," Azula reasoned, folding her arms over her chest. "Which, I suppose, might mean something good happened to him. Nothing particularly good happened to me yesterday, so… hopefully he's fine. I… I think I dreamt about him last night, too. Can't really remember what happened, though…"
"Maybe you visited him in dreams again," Rei suggested, smiling. Azula laughed and shook her head.
"I wish, but I doubt it would be as easy as that," she said. "I had to go all the way to his house to pull that off when I did, and I had no idea it would happen… and I also think my desperation was far worse than what he was experiencing yesterday. He seemed… upset, angry, but not as bad as, well… as he was a few weeks ago. Not sure what happened then, either… but it definitely felt dreadful, and I still couldn't connect with him then."
"Then he's been cheered up somehow. That's good news, and something uplifting to think about, right?" Song said. Azula smiled and nodded. "Though… it would be interesting if you could talk to him again. You say… you went back to our house? And that's how you contacted him?"
"I have no way of knowing if it would happen a second time," Azula admitted. Song smiled and shrugged.
"I know, but… oh, even if it didn't, I guess there's a part of me that… that wants to go back, stupid as it may be," she smiled sadly, shaking her head. "I mean, I probably won't be able to take two steps past the front door before remembering the last night I was there, but…"
"I… I'm sorry," Azula said, glancing at Song with heartfelt remorse. Song smiled and shook her head.
"Don't worry. You guys had it far worse than I did," she said. "Rui Shi found me, got me to safety… and after that, all my problems were just about not knowing what was happening with any of you."
"I suppose, but you still endured far too much, far more than you ever should have," Azula said, breathing deeply. "You'd already been through enough horrific experiences of the sort before we found you…"
"One would think all that should have prepared me for losing everything I cared about all over again, huh?" Song said, with a sarcastic grin. "Frankly, I should have been. But life with all of you felt so stable, so much more stable than anything ever since… since my dad was taken away."
Azula gazed at her mournfully again, but Song grinned and shrugged.
"Have you considered that maybe we're all brooding, miserable messes?" the healer asked. Azula actually smiled at her question. "Might not be just you, see…"
"Fair, fair. We'll sulk together. Definitely beats sulking alone," Azula smiled, closing her eyes as she rested against the propped pillows on her bed.
Song glanced at Rei to find that usual, curious, eager expression on the young woman's face. She didn't say anything, but it was clear that there were many thoughts crossing her mind at the same time. She bit her lip, eyes traveling from the Princess to Song herself so quickly…
"If you want to ask something… you're free to do so," Song said. Azula opened an eye, her gaze falling upon Rei. Her adoptive daughter's cheeks reddened quickly.
"W-well…" Rei bit her lip a little harder before hugging the chair tighter still. "D-did you… live in the same house as Sokka? You were roommates… Wen? O-or… well, s-should I…?"
"Should you call me Song?" Song smiled weakly before shrugging. "If you can manage not to call me Song in public, and always use Wen in such situations… then yes, I suppose it would be fine."
"T-thank you," Rei grinned, though her anticipation hadn't dwindled in the slightest after obtaining permission to use the healer's real name. "T-then…?"
"Heh… housemates, I suppose, is the correct word?" Song grinned. "But yeah. I know I tried to act like I had no idea about who he was a few months ago, but…"
"You were trying to keep me safe from knowing too much… right?" Rei asked. "But now that the Princess adopted me, w-well… Admiral Zhao doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. He has been here all week and he hasn't sought me out at all. Nobody else asks me questions either, so… maybe it's not that dangerous to tell me things. Right?"
"Well, you're trustworthy, I don't doubt it," Song smirked, winking at Rei, who laughed quietly. "But I suppose, in the end… your curiosity is also our fault because we keep slipping up so many times and talking about so many things with no regard as to who's with us, right?"
"If it's Rei, I'd think it's fine. As we ever remind you, just pretend you know nothing about anything if anyone asks you questions," Azula said, with a slight shrug. Rei's eyes glowed with intent.
"Then… why were you his housemate?" she asked. "How did you meet? You've said you're not highborn, but you sound like you were good friends with all of them, S-Song…"
"Well… I was good friends with some people, yes, though it was a slow process with others," Song said, smiling at Azula. The Princess grinned back.
"What a slow process indeed. It's a wonder we're friends at all," she teased. Song chuckled. "After how infernal I was when I was sick and you had to take care of me…"
"That's right," Song said, her amusement fading as she glared at Azula accusingly. The Princess smiled guiltily. "That's actually something you should have apologized for ages ago. I was making soup for you, and you just went on a crazy dragon trip to shoot lightning at people while I wasn't paying attention…!"
Her many-years-late scolding saw Azula nearly laughing herself to tears in bed, even if it was, as usual, something that puzzled and confused Rei profoundly. As outraged as Song was, she still smiled after hearing the hopeless laughter pouring from her friend's lips.
"And then… then you were mean, too. I was trying to facilitate things between you and Sokka, I really was!" Song said, though this time she smiled guiltily. "It wasn't my fault that the best way to deal with cramps was…"
"Oh, you insolent healer, you!" Azula scoffed. Song was the one doubling over with laughter now. "How dared you demand that I touched a man at all! Massaging his thigh, on top of it all…! Unthinkable! Unfathomable!"
"Bet you did it the minute I stepped out of the house," Song smirked. Azula huffed, turning her nose up.
"Like… five minutes later. But that's not the worst part," Azula said, arms folded over her chest dramatically. Song raised her eyebrows before Azula's guise of outrage fell apart, a weak smile tugging at her lips. "I… was massaging the wrong leg the whole time and I didn't even realize it."
"You…? Pfft! Oh, that's rich! Ahaha, oh, damn, I'm sorry…!" Song laughed again as Azula chuckled, shaking her head before her eyes fell upon Rei's puzzled face.
"Oh, goodness, how do you bear with us? We're supposed to give you answers and instead…"
"Oh, that's okay. I'm taking mental notes of it all," Rei said, beaming. "Song and Sokka were housemates, you were sick one day and you shot lightning at people, Song tried to make you soup. And then Sokka had a cramp, and you massaged the wrong leg."
"Well, that's efficient of you, at least," Azula smiled. Rei grinned.
"I have a few others I've kept in mind to ask about in the future, too. There's a few you've mentioned here and there that I still remember: Sokka was terrible at making his bed…"
"Oh, goodness," Azula laughed, as did Song. Rei bit her lip as she continued.
"You got lost in a forest with Sokka once and didn't know how to cook anything while you were there, there's some people called… Ty Mai and Lee…?"
"Ty Lee and Mai," Azula corrected. Rei grinned and nodded.
"Right, I have no idea who they are, but you've mentioned them a few times. Song visited the temple at least twice before the Princess adopted me… she also saw people who were going to pray for you, once? And Sokka and Xin Long can't sing, there's that too, but he was good at dancing? Or at least, he was fun at it, if not good… I'm not sure anymore, heh."
"You're seriously taking mental notes about just… everything we ever talk about that you don't understand?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Rei smiled and shrugged. "Your memory is remarkable, I must say…"
"I haven't had a lot of things to memorize and remember for most my life," Rei admitted, with a half-hearted shrug. "This is much more interesting than everything else I've ever been asked to keep in mind. I know I can be prying but…"
"But our exciting and weird lives trigger your curiosity, I suppose," Song smiled, setting aside her book. Rei nodded shyly, smiling at her. "To be honest… it's Azula who makes things interesting and lively. Believe me, my life wasn't… wasn't exactly noteworthy before our paths crossed. I don't even want to imagine where I'd be right now if that hadn't happened."
"It's never wise to ponder such things," Azula said, eyeing Song meaningfully. The healer sighed and nodded, offering her a weak smile.
"True. Then, I suppose rather than pondering it, I'd do best to just… come out and say it?" Song said, glancing at Rei with uncertainty.
Explaining her circumstances would never be easy. Returning to the past always hurt, thus why it was impossible for Song not to sympathize with Azula's plight, more often than not… it was much easier to live in the comforting lie of Wen, hiding her truths closely so no one could understand them. But after the last months had turned her life around for the umpteenth time, keeping certain truths from Rei felt wrong. The young woman had mistakenly believed, all along, that Song was a much more important and noteworthy person than she really was… Azula would likely claim she was indeed important and noteworthy already, but Song knew already that Rei's pedestal, the one upon which she had placed both Azula and Song herself, would likely crumble once she knew the truth.
It was no reason to keep her in the dark, though. Zhao had done more than enough of that to the girl, he had accustomed her to never knowing, never understanding what was happening… and Song refused to follow his example in any way. Azula had done her best to change Rei's life for the better, to treat her as part of her very complicated family, and while Song didn't really know what her role might be in said family, she had no doubts she was part of it too.
So she took a deep breath and met Rei's expectant eyes with her own.
"I've… I've already told you before that I wasn't highborn, at all. It was all… well, an act. I was trained to put up this pretense, and I suppose I did it decently, as most people haven't unraveled the truth so far. And that truth is that I… I was born in the village of Gyeomson."
"Gyeomson…" Rei repeated, blinking blankly. "I've never heard that name before."
Song offered her a gentle, heartbroken smile before clarifying the key element of her story that Rei hadn't put together just yet:
"It's in the western Earth Kingdom."
The curiosity of the young woman was replaced by sheer shock. Her eyes widened fully as she stared at Song with astonishment… as though she had turned into a wholly different person right before her eyes with just those words. Rei's jaw dropped as she stared at the now-self-aware Song, who suddenly found herself returning far too quickly to her roots, all impulses to manifest her Wen persona suddenly gone completely.
"Y-you were born in…? Y-you were born in…" Rei gasped, blinking blankly as she raised her hands to her lips. "D-does that mean you're…?"
Song breathed deeply, closing her eyes and nodding: everything Rei had understood about her had certainly been upended and shaken until she felt as though she were toppling down an abyss, rather than standing on her own two feet before one of the women she had admired most:
"It… it means exactly what you think it means, Rei. My real name is Song, my hometown is in the Earth Kingdom, and I was brought here… I was brought to the Fire Nation as a slave."