The North's Aftermath
7
Everything was a blur when the healers crowded around him, offering him food, water, and a lot of healing water, too. His head wasn't any less foggy upon opening his eyes, and it took some time for him to properly make out his bearings… but once he did, and the world came into sharper focus, it puzzled him to find that, out of all the people who had surrounded him, the only one familiar among them was none other than Katara. She offered him a reassuring grin, squeezing his hand gently, once the healers left.
"Welcome back, Zuko," she said, kindly. He hummed.
"How long was I…?" he asked, eyeing her warily.
"It's been around three weeks," Katara said. Zuko's eyes widened.
"W-what…?" he said. "Three weeks since… the battle?"
"You took a very bad injury, Zuko," Katara explained, letting go of his hand. "You lost a lot of blood even when I did my best to keep you stabilized. We weren't sure you'd feel strong enough to wake up yet, but I'm glad you did. Kino will be thrilled, too: he's been, well, sulking quite a bit."
"Sulking? Kino?" Zuko said, with a light huff. "Over my fate?"
"He thinks it's his fault that you were wounded at all," Katara explained. Zuko frowned. "You know, you were trying to save him when he jumped into danger to protect us… he thinks that, if he'd been faster, better, more reliable, you wouldn't have been wounded at all. It's silly, of course, it wasn't anyone's fault, well, only of the guy who shot you…"
"I should have jumped out of the way. I should have been more careful…" Zuko reasoned, closing his eyes. "I blacked out at some point after I got wounded. But, if this place looks like the Water Tribe, then I take it this means… we won? Somehow?"
"We did, yeah… Aang saw to that," Katara whispered. Zuko frowned. "He… well, he did the most extraordinary bending feat any of us ever witnessed. But… he destroyed the Fire Nation's fleet. Both the one in the air, and the one in the sea."
"Right…" Zuko said, frowning. "Was it the Avatar State…?"
"I wish I knew. I have no idea, even now," Katara admitted. Zuko frowned.
"After three weeks… he hasn't told you?" Zuko asked. Katara gritted her teeth as he swallowed hard "He… he must be troubled by what he had to do."
"He's been avoiding everyone for the past weeks. He did something unthinkable… he gathered the dead, both from the Fire Nation and the Water Tribe, and Sokka saw to the return of the Fire Nation's dead to their people."
"He… he did?" Zuko said. "But then… he's okay too? Everyone… you?"
"I'm fine. Kino and I are probably the ones who were in best shape," Katara shrugged. "Sokka has mostly recovered from a bad wound he took when he was fighting Zhao… who, worth noting, is dead. If you were wondering about that."
"Huh… good for my sister," Zuko said, bluntly. "Did Sokka do it?"
"Well, he says he did do it like five times, but he kept healing, remember?" Katara explained. Zuko frowned and nodded. "From what the healers have told me… he was misusing the water. Without the bending power to properly channel the healing water, all he was achieving was redirecting his own chi to the wounds, and spending heaps of it to heal himself. When waterbending healing interacts with the wound, the oasis water increases the person's chi instead of just repurposing it, or at least, that's how I understood it. I'm pretty sure Sokka has been thinking about how this kind of healing could have helped Azula, you know, after her corrupt chi situation…"
"No surprise if he has. Maybe, if she still needs it, the Water Tribe would agree to help her after all this is over," Zuko said, with a sigh. "Where are they all, anyway? You said Kino would be happy if I recovered… where is he?"
"Probably spending time with Yue and her kids. The Northern Water Tribe's Princess, remember?" Katara said. Zuko hummed. "As for Sokka… he was meeting with the Chief. As usual… he's planning for the future."
"Hmm…" Zuko nodded, closing his eyes: as much as he knew that Sokka was bound to be up to something important, it felt as though his heavy exhaustion was taking its toll on him all over again.
"You okay?" Katara asked, clasping his hand again. Zuko breathed out heavily.
"Just… tired, I think. I don't know…" he mumbled. Katara nodded. "Might just need to close my eyes for a bit."
"Do whatever you need to do," Katara advised him, smiling reassuringly, even if he wouldn't see it.
"Alright… thanks," he said, sighing and closing his eyes: he seemed uncomfortable, perhaps he wouldn't be able to rest thoroughly at all, but after being fussed over, it was natural that he'd welcome a moment of peace and quiet for himself.
Katara sighed at the sight of him: while Zuko's return to consciousness was a welcome development, it wasn't enough just yet. She had known he wouldn't be himself right away, but a part of her had hoped, regardless, that his healing would prove even faster than it already had been…
He truly had been at death's doors. The threat over his life had been stemmed by nothing short of a miracle. That all the high caliber healing by the northern waterbenders still hadn't sufficed to bring him back to full health right away spoke for itself.
And for as long as one of their team's members remained in such bad shape, her brother was likely to grow unsteady and anxious over how stagnant their progress would be…
By the Palace's entrance, Sokka sighed with relief as Arnook agreed to his latest offer, even if it was clear that the Chief remained reluctant: while the firebenders who were part of Sokka's forces were considered no threat to the Tribe, officially, accepting their collaboration when it came to any of the Tribe's recovery efforts clearly wasn't an easy choice for the Chief.
"I promise they'll do their best to learn quickly," Sokka said, reassuringly. "They want to help, as much as they can. I know they haven't built ships ever before, but I'm sure that having more people involved in building them will only be good for everyone."
"So it would seem," said Arnook, uneasy. "You'll be part of the process too? Surely you know more about building ships than your allies…"
"I do, although I have no idea if the south and the north make them the same way," Sokka said, with a weak grin. Arnook nodded.
"Then I suppose you shall find out in a few days. We should begin construction soon, once the rest of the repairs to the shipwright facilities have been finished," Arnook said.
"Thank you," Sokka smiled, bowing his head curtly towards him. "If there's anything else I can do to help move things along…"
"What you're doing is bound to be more than enough, young man. Thank you, and trust our experts to handle this challenge deftly, General Sokka. You'll have the ships you need, even if you might have to give us some more time to have them at the ready."
"Absolutely. I understand," Sokka responded, nodding. "Thank you."
"Be well, General Sokka. Should you need anything else, let me know."
Arnook was tired, much like everyone else in the Northern Water Tribe. Sokka was no different, no better off… but his stubbornness, his need to push forward, to keep going, seemed to mitigate the exhaustion, or at least, it would put it off for a distant future. Even if they couldn't set out right away, working hard towards that end, with as many able-bodied workers as possible, would make their eventual journey that much smoother.
He let out a sigh of relief as he resolved to tell Rui Shi and the others. Further progress meant they would be back on the road, and back to Azula, sooner still… though the question of what would happen when they reunited never failed to hang over his head, threatening to destabilize him all over again.
The ships they would build were meant to bring him to the Fire Nation. Where it felt like a thousand years had gone by, the truth was that it would only be a year since his escape within a few weeks. It was hard to believe, truly, that such a short time had passed when he felt so much older, so much more jaded, and wearier of the world than he had been across his years of standing by Azula's side. Closing his eyes and evoking memories of a much brighter past, of the beautiful smiles on Azula's face, made the pain all the harder to bear with… more so once he pondered whether she would be grateful or upset about what he was doing. Knowing her, she might just feel both ways at the same time.
She had asked him to wait. To give matters more time, for if he did, she might be able to return to him one day. Pushed by Ozai's attack on the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka had decided that waiting wasn't worth it: he could charge ahead, change the world as they promised to, and find his way back to her. If she could breathe, if she could sleep, if she could live without him, he certainly envied her for it… but he missed her so badly that even now, after so much had happened, nothing mattered as much as she did. His hand fished out the necklace in his parka, and he ran his thumb over the pendant… one year without her. A full year since he had last held her in his arms, since he had spoken with her, marveled over her cleverness, cleared away her doubts and insecurities. She might have found her way without him… if she had, as lonely as that might make him feel, he'd be happy for her. But if she hadn't… then he had no time to waste.
"I know I'm a mess… I've always been one. But I'll be back with you soon. Much sooner than you expected, I know, but… I need you," he whispered, bringing the necklace to his lips. Feeling, too, the familiar, ghostly sensation of her arms hugging him from behind, much as they had on a dark day, after he had fought the Stingray for the first time.
After so much had changed, he barely knew what was on Azula's mind these days. She had made choices he didn't know enough about, that he barely understood. And as much as he had sent her a letter that might have been intercepted, for all he knew, he knew he wouldn't be so lucky as to receive one from her. He couldn't know anything about her beyond their occasional connections, and they weren't remotely as recurrent as he wished they could be…
His thoughts were interrupted, as he marched back into the Palace, when the sounds of childish laughter drifted in through a window that led outside.
He frowned, almost grateful for seeing his train of thought cut off as it had been – he didn't need anyone to tell him how unhealthy it was for him to mull over his complicated situation with Azula as often as he did. There weren't many children in the area, as far as he knew, and it wasn't the first time he had heard the specific laughter of these kids before: they had to be Princess Yue's children.
Sokka swallowed hard as he approached the nearest window, glancing through it to discover that their youthful voices seemed to follow another he was far more familiar with: Kino laid on his stomach in the ice right outside the Palace, arms and legs in a crawling position.
"… So you see, all you have to do is climb on my back! Do that, and I'll play the otter-penguin for you, you'll see!"
"That doesn't make sense…" the oldest boy said, though he sounded intrigued: his siblings, however, squealed with excitement.
"Me first!" the girl exclaimed: Kino yelped once she carelessly jumped on his back, but he wasted no time to give the little girl the experience she had been seeking.
Waddling awkwardly on the ice, Kino began pushing himself and his apparent rider across the open area that led towards the walls that enclosed the Palace: the little girl on his back squealed with delight as Kino moved in the way a clumsy turtle might, occasionally sliding on the ice safely, but setting down his feet and hands whenever he needed to change directions or slow down.
"Amarok!" exclaimed the smallest child, yanking his older brother's hand insistently as though asking him to serve as his sled, too.
"What? I'm not going to…! Kallik, wait for your turn!" Amarok answered, grimacing as his little brother yanked his hand insistently.
Soft feminine laughter gave away that Yue, too, stood nearby, watching the chaotic playing session between her children and the former Fire Nation soldier. She was right by the window Sokka had glanced out through, and she seemed entirely taken by the sight of her children. Sokka couldn't help but smile, wondering if Azula would be as cheerful a mother as Yue was upon watching over her children.
"Guess he's helpless against them, huh?" Sokka said, casually: Yue jumped, glancing back at him over her shoulder. "Sorry if I startled you…"
"No, no worries," she laughed, smiling kindly at him. "Was your latest meeting with my father successful?"
"It went well, yeah. As well as it could have," Sokka smiled, nodding. "My allies will help in the shipwrights. I'm hoping that your tribe will be able to use the new ships as replacements of those that were lost… well, provided we get out of this mess safe and sound."
"Oh, that would be very helpful. Thank you," Yue smiled.
"Thought I'd check on Zuko now and then tell the others the good news, but you guys distracted me," Sokka smiled as he watched Kino waddling awkwardly: by now, Kallik had decided to ride him too while Amarok panicked over how heavy they would be on Kino's back – Kino, of course, attempted to prove himself by carrying on regardless, but he was starting to struggle with their weight, as well as proper traction…
"Well, I'm sorry that we did," Yue said, with a gentle smile. "But as you can see, Kino is doing quite well. I think you and your sister were worried, but…"
"Your kids are quite good at lifting his spirits," Sokka concluded. Yue smiled proudly. "He's absolutely elated to be loved by them, you know? Zuko's daughter… she wasn't exactly fond of him, for no apparent reason, as far as I understand."
"Really?" Yue asked, amused. "He seems so inoffensive and fun, though…"
"Well, in Mari's case, it must have been partially because her father is such a grump… and maybe on some measure she inherited her aunt's penchant for being unpredictable and mischievous," Sokka said, his smile growing in fondness. "There's no real reason for it, she just wanted to give Kino a tough time, I'd guess. So, yeah, I'm sure your kids are making him very happy right now."
"He's making them happy, too," Yue said, with a sigh. "I don't think I've ever seen them so lively. I'm sure all of them forgot by now that he's actually Fire Nation."
"It's somewhat funny, the way unexpected bonds can be forged so easily and quickly between people of such different backgrounds," Sokka said, relaxing against the windowsill, arms crossed over his chest.
"Certainly. They never had a relationship like that with their own father… let alone with anyone else," Yue reasoned, her smile fading at the thought of Hahn. Sokka gritted his teeth, eyeing her warily.
"I probably shouldn't pry, or ask anything quite as bold as this, so if you don't want to answer, don't do it…" he said. "But, well… I was wondering if it ever bothers you that he's their father. If… if him being their parent has any bearing on how you feel about them? Does that make sense?"
Yue smiled again, turning towards him. Sokka grimaced, nervous over her answer.
"You mean… do I feel any differently about them because their father was a traitor who was happy to let us die, so long as he could live safely in the Fire Nation?" she asked. Sokka gritted his teeth. "I suppose… I suppose it's easy to be quick to think of children, of people, as mere products of those who created them. As though they inherited more than looks or physical traits… as heirs to the same sins and crimes, mistakes and flaws of their parents. It's bound to be terribly easy to treat a child as nothing but an extension of the adults who gave them life."
"I… I guess so," Sokka frowned. "It sounds awful, but maybe it is common for people to feel that way…"
"It is. It's why many people asked me if I would remarry, why there were rumors regarding the line of succession breaking, for the son of a traitor couldn't possibly take up the Water Tribe's throne after my father passes. As much as you might have thought otherwise, you're not the first to ask me such questions."
"Of course," Sokka said.
"The truth is, from the moment you first hold your child, the bond between you is entirely different from anything you've experienced until then," Yue said. "It's not so important anymore, who they're related to by blood… because what binds you to them is so much stronger than that. Hahn didn't actually care to forge that bond with any of our children… but I did.
"Amarok, Shina and Kallik are so much more than my children or Hahn's, more than heirs to the throne, more than grandchildren to the Chief. They're invaluable, more important to me than anything in this life… and I would feel that way about them even if I weren't their birth mother."
The words struck Sokka deeply. He gripped the windowsill tightly, meeting Yue's clear eyes with his turbulent, troubled own.
"I understand you may be struggling with what to think of what you've shared with me… regarding Princess Azula and Zhao's daughter," Yue said. "It might be difficult for you to conceive this right now… but I assure you, if she has chosen to take in the girl as her own, I'm certain it is as a result of having grown to love her as deeply as any mother loves their child. That she was born to Admiral Zhao and another woman doesn't determine the girl's destiny or her worth. You'll see all this for yourself, of course, once you first meet her, after you find the Princess again… but I hope you know that it's absolutely possible to forget entirely about who the child's father is, especially when that father had nothing to do with raising them besides, well, the obvious."
"I see," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "I suppose it's just… difficult for me to wrap my head around so many things that have changed while I wasn't looking. But you're right, I'm sure… you're right. Your kids are more than their father, and so is… so is she."
"It will help once you get to know her, I'm sure," Yue said, with a kindly smile. "You're a better person than most. I have no doubts that whatever role she wants you to play in her daughter's life, you'll handle it wonderfully."
"That's a lot of trust to put in me," Sokka smiled. "I'm bound to be a mess. But… thanks. The bond between them is definitely something I can't fathom… but maybe I don't need to. It belongs to them, and maybe the best thing I could do is accept it doesn't have anything to do with me."
"It might, once you return… but you'll have a place at her side, I'm sure, even if her daughter didn't relinquish her father," Yue said. "Frankly, each of your children will grow up to be their own person, and their experiences will certainly affect who they become. Look at Amarok… he could be such a happy, enthusiastic child if he hadn't been born to this family. If his father had been anyone but Hahn. But if that had been the case… would he still be Amarok? Would Shina and Kallik be themselves, too?
"I wish they'd never known anguish and sorrow. I wish their father had never hurt them as badly as he did by turning his back on them. But my children are valuable, the best people I know. Every time I teach them something, they teach me lessons too with their own childish wisdom, and what I've learned from them has been worth so much more than I could explain. In the end… I wouldn't choose a happier marriage if it meant not being their mother. If I had to go through everything I've faced in order to love them as best as I can… then I will endure anything for their sake."
"You're definitely a great mother," Sokka smiled.
"Well… I try. Though Amarok's constant concern for me sometimes makes me wonder if I'm the mother or the child," she laughed, glancing at the boy: he had opted for sitting on the ice, with Kallik on his lap, and he pushed himself with his hands. Kino, amazed by the child's witty solution, had suggested he and Shina did the same thing, but Shina insisted on riding his back anyway. "He's become my protector, the poor thing. I fear he hasn't had much of a childhood… but perhaps he will, in the future. Once the war is over… once you've returned to your family."
Sokka smiled and nodded. Yue grinned right back.
"By then… make sure to visit when you can," she said. "I know it will be a busy time, but I'd love to meet Princess Azula personally. I'd like to believe your daughters would get along well with my children, too… I promise I'll keep these three on their best behavior, too, with no strange snowball fights or human-penguin sledding…"
"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure it will be fine if they do any of those things," Sokka chuckled, nodding at her. "But thanks. I… I hope to make that happen. I'll look forward to it."
Yue nodded, and Sokka's heart seemed stronger upon hearing her words: returning to Azula had always been his goal, but this talk about the future, about what would come next, caused a burst of emotion to bloom inside his heart. It was a kernel of hope, so fickle and small it might as well not exist… and yet there it was, laying roots deep within his soul as he longed to fulfill this promise at all costs. As he craved, more than anything, for the future by Azula's side that he had always fought for.
"Okay, then how about… we switch riders!" Kino was saying excitedly, smiling as he sat up: he wrapped his arms around Kallik, who leapt to sit on his lap, and Kino pushed himself on the ice right away. "Off we go!"
"Oh, no fair! Amarok! Amarok!" Shina exclaimed: her brother groaned but followed Kino's example, and his sister sat on his lap as she urged him to keep up with the Fire Nation's former soldier.
Kino laughed carelessly as he pushed himself over the ice, watching Kallik's face light up as they moved so smoothly… but his enthusiasm froze over when he raised his gaze to find that Yue was no longer watching them entirely alone.
"Sokka!" he gasped, cheeks flushed before waving at his friend. "You were watching all along?"
"I was. These three definitely look more appreciative of you than Mari was," Sokka smiled. Kino giggled, running a hand over his hair.
"Guess they really are, heh. You're all done with your meetings, though?" he asked, still moving slowly, so Kallik wouldn't grow bored of being stagnant.
"Well, it wasn't much of a meeting, but yeah. We'll get to work at rebuilding the Northern Water Tribe's fleet soon," Sokka said. Kino hummed and nodded. "I'm surprised you're not playing with Momo, too, though. I figured he'd be a huge hit with the Princess's kids…"
"Oh, he's always keeping Aang company lately. He's with him now, too," Kino said. Sokka frowned.
"Aang? Where is he?"
"In the oasis, actually," Yue was the one who responded. "He came by a while ago, asked if he could meditate there… I told him it would be fine. It's already been restored, so…"
"Huh," Sokka frowned: Aang had been evasive, even after bringing back the dead bodies as he had. As much as he understood the Avatar's pain over the slaughter, Sokka couldn't help but worry about what state of mind he was in, these days. "Did he look any calmer? Is there any chance that he's finding some peace after everything that's happened, or…?"
"Uuuuh…" Kino grimaced. "I doubt it. I mean, maybe it will help if Zuko wakes up? But even that might not be enough…"
Sokka breathed deeply, frowning as he gazed in the oasis's direction. As much as Aang might need time to sort things out on his own, he also knew from personal experience that, at times, the answer to tribulations like these wasn't quite as easy to come by as that. Isolating himself from those who cared for him had often been Sokka's choice, so long ago…
Zhao had been the one to speak with him during one of those occasions.
The memory caused his heart to clench as strong, conflicted feelings arose in his chest again. That pointless need to ask a dead man why he'd allowed so much to fall apart surged in Sokka's gut… he quelled it quickly. Even so, there was certainly value to be found in the past, when the Admiral hadn't been quite so aggressive, so resentful… his very best memory of the man was the one he had evoked just now.
Could he try to do for Aang what Zhao had done for him, after Gladiator Brawl? Was it a good idea to try? The Avatar might just believe he had to face his sorrows alone, away from all who might wish to help him…
But that might not be the sole way for him to deal with that right now.
"I'll go check on him," he decided. Kino raised his eyebrows, slowing down his sledding to process Sokka's declaration.
"You sure?" he asked.
"I know he might prefer to be alone. I'll ask, in case he does," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "But what he's going through is bad enough as it is. Forcing himself to deal with it without aid won't help him much. Sometimes, another perspective helps…"
"You think it might here?" Kino said, biting his lip. "I guess it could, but… can someone actually understand what he's going through? It's not just what he believes in, as an Air Nomad, but it's also because of his role as the Avatar…"
"No one can understand it completely, I'm sure," Sokka said. "That doesn't mean we can't do our best to try. He can't understand what I went through completely, either: didn't stop him from trusting me and offering me whatever support he could anyway."
"Huh… yeah, I guess when you put it that way…" Kino said, with a weak smile. Sokka breathed deeply and nodded.
"Then… see you guys later, I figure," he said.
He jumped through the window, making it easier for himself to reach the oasis that way than by marching through the hallways properly. Yue's kids gasped at his display of athleticism, and Sokka only smiled awkwardly at them as he hoped not to have given them any wild ideas regarding how cool leaping out of windows might be… but he didn't stay to confirm that. Walking past Yue, Kino and the kids, he aimed towards the now restored gateway into the oasis, his brow drawing together as he prepared to face his friend.
Kino watched him over his shoulder, a keen sense of helplessness gnawing away at him, so much so that he didn't move at all from where he sat, to Kallik's utter disappointment. The boy tugged on his parka, and Kino blinked himself out of his daze.
"Oh, sorry!" he exclaimed, smiling weakly. "I'm on it, Kallik, I'm on it…"
"You might not need to be on it, though," Yue said, smiling kindly at Kino. "It's lunchtime by now, after all."
"Lunchtime!" Shina exclaimed, jumping off Amarok's lap and rushing towards her mother. Yue chuckled, stroking her daughter's hair as her oldest stepped up to Kino, a slight frown on his face.
"Are you going to join us for lunch?" he asked. Kino blinked blankly.
"Are you… inviting me?" he asked. Amarok grimaced.
"Well… no," he said, stubbornly. Kino laughed awkwardly, and Yue smiled at him.
"Amarok, there's no need to be so dishonest. If you would like for Kino to join us, you can very well say it," she told him. Her son's cheeks flushed.
"I didn't…! W-well, if you want him there, then maybe he can come…" Amarok huffed, still unable to restrain his dishonesty, it seemed. Kino, however, laughed more sincerely now.
"It's okay, Amarok. Maybe I'll join you tomorrow, how about it?" he said. Amarok raised an eyebrow.
"Why tomorrow?" he asked, as Kino pushed himself up, brushing the light ice shards left over his outfit after all his sledding.
"Because I think I ought to go check on my friend now. You know, the one who's unconscious?" he said, with a sad smile. "So, yeah, I'll leave you to your meal. Won't have to put up with me even as you eat, see?"
"Hmm. Well… okay," Amarok nodded, folding his arms over his chest.
"Can you take your siblings upstairs, Amarok?" Yue asked him. "I'll accompany Kino to see his friend and I'll be back with you right afterwards, dear."
Amarok's nod was much more enthusiastic now: he shepherded his siblings carefully, taking Kallik's hand and guiding him back inside the Palace as responsibly as ever, with Shina rushing behind them. Yue smiled fondly at him, a hand over her chest before turning towards Kino.
"Are you alright?" she asked him. "They didn't take too much energy out of you with all that, well, Kino-sledding…?"
"Heh, Kino-sledding," Kino chuckled, running a hand over his hair. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just… well, as usual I feel a bit useless, you know? Sokka doesn't know if he can help Aang, but he's going to try… I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do anything to help there. It's a little awkward, being the ordinary one among your extraordinary friends…"
"Huh…" Yue blinked blankly, meeting Kino's dubitative gaze. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."
"Well, you're quite extraordinary yourself, haha, I guess you wouldn't…"
"No, I mean because you don't seem any more ordinary than them to me," Yue said, with a warm smile. Kino's cheeks flushed. "You're a strong warrior, a faithful friend, you've managed to make my children laugh more in the weeks we've known each other than anyone else ever had… what's so ordinary about you?"
"W-well, I'm not a bender, I don't have any special abilities of any sort…" Kino said, grimacing. Yue raised an eyebrow. "But I guess you might think you don't, either?"
"From what I understood, you're a rather talented spy, more so than most…" Yue pointed out. Kino winced, straightening his posture as her words hit him in a surprisingly pleasant part of his heart. "So, you do have special abilities. Being funny also seems like an art that eludes most people around here… you may take it for granted, but I certainly don't. Neither do my children…"
"Heh. Well, it's good to know that being a dork pays off sometimes," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck as he and Yue began the trek back inside the Palace.
He dared glance at her sideways: her shy, gentle and serene smile struck that chord inside him again… one he had tried his best to ignore, but right now, it felt impossible to do so. Whatever it meant, whatever the purpose of that vision had been… he had to find out if she had ever felt a similar sense of familiarity as he did.
"Say… uh, I know this will sound weird, but do you feel like we ever, uh, met before?" he asked. Yue's smile shifted into perplexity. "I mean, I know it never happened, objectively speaking? But, you know, maybe a dream, or a vision you had, I don't know…?"
"I… what? You mean, had I ever seen you before we actually met in the oasis?" Yue asked. Kino's cheeks flushed.
"Yeah, uh, probably was too much to ask. Never mind…" he mumbled.
"Well… I'm afraid I do mind," Yue smiled. "What do you mean, Kino? Did you, well, have a vision of me before that day?"
"I… I think I did," Kino admitted, glancing at her with uncertainty. Yue's eyebrows rose.
"Really? How come?"
"Uh…" Kino swallowed hard, fidgeting awkwardly. "Well, at one point before we found the White Lotus, me and the rest of my friends fell in this big nasty swamp in the middle of the Earth Kingdom. We were flying over it on Appa, see, and then some tornado or something knocked us down and… well, we were split off from each other. Everyone had a vision of something that lured us to this big tree at the center of the swamp: Zuko saw his wife and kids, Katara saw her mother, Aang saw his future earthbending teacher… Sokka didn't get the same vision as us, he didn't get lured there at all, he wound up talking to Azula personally somehow, even if at a distance? I don't really get it yet, but you know, spiritual stuff can be weird."
"They talked, then?" Yue said, with a gentle smile. "That's good. I thought he hadn't had a chance to communicate with her at all over the past year until he wrote that letter…"
"Well, spiritual shenanigans have allowed them to talk sometimes, starting from there, as far as I know," Kino said, smiling nervously. "Thing is, though, I, uh… I kind of wondered if what happened to me had been similar to what happened to Sokka. Because, well, I did have a vision that lured me to the big tree? But, well, the person in that vision was…"
Yue blinked blankly, and Kino eyed her nervously. Understanding dawned on her slowly, and she eyed him with confusion and disbelief.
"Me? How…? You'd never met me before then…" she said. Kino shrugged.
"Aang hadn't met Toph either, and he saw her. He even recognized her right away when we met her later. Toph had a vision too, apparently, in the swamp? A vision of him? Or, uh, a hearsion. Is that a word? What do you call visions when they happen to people who are blind…?"
"I have no idea," Yue chuckled. Kino smiled awkwardly.
"Anyway, I… I didn't realize it was you right away, you know, when we met during that battle," he said. "I felt like you were familiar, but I didn't understand why. Turns out, well, you saved me from the swamp, haha, when you didn't even know me!"
"That… that's quite odd. But I suppose it's an interesting concept," Yue chuckled, smiling kindly at Kino. "I'm glad I saved you, then."
"Heh, I'm glad for it too," he smiled. "I guess I was just wondering if you had seen me at all before… but I guess this wasn't a mutual vision like Sokka and Azula's, huh?"
"I'm afraid not," Yue said, eyeing him sympathetically. "But I wonder if I might have seen a glimpse of you or your friends too, had I ever experienced anything quite as what you went through in that swamp…"
"Maybe!" Kino said, with a careless grin. Yue smiled too.
"It's hard to believe someone who has been through so many surprising experiences could ever qualify as ordinary, you know," she teased him. Kino's cheeks flushed, and his awkward smile strengthened further. "I'm just saying…"
"Don't boost my ego, it'll go up to my head and Katara will be annoyed by it…" Kino chuckled. Yue laughed, nodding.
"Noted. I'll keep it in mind," she said.
A part of Kino had feared what might happen after he acknowledged he had seen Yue in the swamp, but nothing bad had come from it after all. The Princess appeared to be perfectly comfortable with that notion, quick to believe in his tales of spiritually charged locations, even if she had never been there herself… he was far too used to being dismissed, he realized. To him, Yue's demeanor and behavior were entirely unintuitive. The way she lived her life, the way her people did… it felt as though she was entirely incapable of malice, as though she were kind by nature. His heart pounded as he walked beside her, knowing all too well that his fickle, stupid mind was going to make more of this, of her, than need be… but hearing that she believed he was important, extraordinary even, certainly had tickled his self-worth in all the best of ways, more so after the hellish weeks he had faced recently, in which he had grown convinced of how worthless he was, instead.
They were on their way to the healing ward when one of the waterbending healers was exiting the area: she smiled at them, though, particularly at Kino.
"There you are," she said, surprising the puzzled young man. "Your friend woke up."
She didn't need to say anything else: Kino's breath escaped him for an instant before his mind blanked: only one thought bloomed in his head afterwards, and he acted upon it immediately.
"Truly? That's…!" Yue started, smiling at Kino: the former soldier, however, raced past the healer and ran at full speed across the icy halls to the doorway of the healing ward.
He broke his sprint by clasping the threshold to the room with a hand, launching himself inside quickly, eyes wide…
He was sitting up, eyes barely open. He looked tired, weak, groggy… but he appeared to be talking about something with Katara before being startled by Kino's rushed footsteps.
But there he was. Pale, tired and weak as he might be… it was Zuko.
"Huh… there you are," Zuko said: he mustered a small smile, and Kino covered his mouth with a hand as tears bloomed in the corners of his eyes. "Good, uh, morning? Maybe?"
"It's probably closer to afternoon by now, but this is a pole, so who's counting?" Katara smiled, rising to her feet and approaching Kino. "Sorry that it happened just as you were out, but…"
"N-no, no, I… he's okay. He's awake! He's…!" Kino exclaimed, unable to restrain the tears as he walked past Katara, rushing to Zuko's side. "H-how are you feeling? Are you okay? I'm sorry I wasn't here, I was…!"
"Why would you be sorry…?" Zuko asked, with a weak grin. "Thought I expected you to sit by my bedside nonstop? That doesn't sound so healthy for you…"
"Well, I did stop sometimes, but on the most part, I did exactly that!" Kino exclaimed, gritting his teeth afterwards. "I'm… I'm so sorry, too, b-because you wouldn't be like this if I hadn't messed up, b-but you're alive, so…!"
"Sorry?" Zuko repeated. "Kino… one arrow reached me. Would've been worse if you hadn't jumped in to help when you did, both before and after I got wounded. Stop blaming yourself… doesn't suit you that well, you know?"
"B-but still…!" Kino exclaimed, sniffing as Katara, behind him, chuckled and shook her head. "I should've done better! You shouldn't have been wounded at all…!"
"How about you just rejoice that he's healing and getting better rather than lamenting over what happened?" she asked. Kino winced. "He's not mad at you, see? If he's not blaming you for anything, how about you stop doing it to yourself already?"
"B-but…" Kino said, eyeing Zuko with uncertainty. Odd as it might be, the Prince actually smiled at him with unusual kindness.
"If anything… I'm indebted to you, aren't I?" Zuko said. Kino's eyes widened. "Feels like I owe you my life. So… thank you for saving me, Kino."
"I didn't…! I…!" Kino gasped: by then, the tears spilling down his face would not be held back: he tried to speak again, but only sobs seemed to come out of his throat as he doubled over, tearfully, landing with his head right by Zuko's flank.
"Oh, come on…" Katara laughed, patting his back gently as Kino fell apart by his hero's side. Zuko smiled at him too, raising his hand as best he was able, and setting it on the back of Kino's head, in a gesture of kindness.
"I'll be more careful next time," Zuko said. "I… I'll fight side by side with you. I'll stop acting like… like I have to protect you from everything that threatens you. I mean… clearly, you can take care of yourself, and of me if need be. Sorry… sorry I was so dumb about things before."
"Y-you have nothing to… t-to apologize about…!" Kino managed to squeak out, and Zuko chuckled at the unexpectedly silly tone of his voice.
Katara smiled, watching the two men with more affection than she ever imagined she could feel for either of them: Zuko was alive, and Kino would hopefully calm down about his fate at last… though, knowing him, he'd likely be paranoid around Zuko constantly anyway, going forward. She wondered if Zuko would accept that without a hitch… if he would be patient enough to bear with Kino's erratic behavior or not.
But he wasn't the only person who seemed quite permissive with Kino as of late: the Princess of the Northern Water Tribe smiled kindly upon them both, wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes.
"One less thing to worry about, huh?" Katara smiled at her. Yue nodded.
"How long has he been awake?" she asked.
"A while. He tried to sleep again, but he was uncomfortable, so the healers came by again, eased his pain as best they could," Katara explained. "And well, now that Kino is here, I probably should leave now and tell Sokka. He'll want to know…"
"Oh," Yue said, her smile waning. "He's, well… in the oasis right now."
"What? Why?" Katara frowned, perplexed.
"Well… the Avatar is there, too," Yue said. Katara's eyes widened. "He wanted to talk to him… to help him, somehow. I'm not sure how it will go, though…"
Katara gritted her teeth: a part of her wanted to run to the oasis at once, to speak to Aang, to figure out if he was still himself or not… but a much stronger, apprehensive part of herself told her to give them breathing room. Sokka would be back eventually, just like Kino had been… she'd tell him then. But Aang… would it relieve him to know Zuko had survived? Would that change his misery, his loneliness, his self-isolation in any way? Would he overcome the sorrows that plagued him… and would it ever be possible for Katara to reach his heart anew?
Sokka breathed deeply as he crossed the restored wooden door to the oasis: his mind flashed back to the battle immediately, to his first near-murder of Zhao… the wound he had inflicted upon Sokka's face, that Katara had healed fully through the charged, spiritual water from the oasis. The crazed man, the unnerving things he'd said… Sokka gritted his teeth, tightening a fist as he tried to shake off the unsettling memories. If Aang could be here without feeling worse about himself than he already had before, Sokka would certainly admire him for it.
Even from the entrance, he could see the Avatar sitting by the pond, legs crossed, back straight. Sokka gathered his courage and walked towards the Avatar, uncertainty ringing in each step he took.
Momo fluttered about the grass, presumably searching for bugs that he wouldn't find in this location, when he noticed Sokka was approaching. He chirped and jumped towards him, spreading his paws so he could glide in Sokka's direction. The Gladiator winced, but he didn't pull away, allowing Momo to curl his tail around his neck.
"Good to see you too," Sokka said, reaching up to scratch the lemur's head lightly.
Aang lowered his head, turning slowly to glance at Sokka. The vacancy in his eyes, Sokka realized, wasn't as unfamiliar for him as Kino might have thought it would be.
"Hey, Aang," Sokka said. The Avatar nodded.
"You… sent the bodies back to the Fire Nation," he stated, immediately, wasting no time with pleasantries. Sokka nodded.
"You found them. It was a lot of work," Sokka said, taking his seat beside him. "Thank you for doing it."
"Thank you for taking them back," Aang said. "It's not going to change a lot… but they can do the rites for their people this way."
"That's what I thought too," Sokka said. Aang turned his gaze towards Tui and La once again. "Look… I'm not here to pressure you or force you to do anything you're not ready to do. I never thought things would come to what they did that day… goes to show I'm not nearly as infallible as people want to believe I can be. I just… I want you to know what's going on. For starters, we won't be leaving the Water Tribe for a while, so take as much time as you need to meditate and think about important things, Aang."
"Thank you," Aang said, eyeing him with uncertainty. "Can… can the war effort afford to wait, though?"
"We don't have a choice," Sokka admitted. Aang sighed and nodded. "There's not enough ships… we need more than what the Water Tribe has at their disposal right now, so we'll help them build ships so we can move out as soon as possible. We've sent word to Ba Sing Se about what's happened here… hopefully, every other operation is going better than this one did."
"Can that be possible?" Aang asked. Sokka grimaced. "I know… I know why we fight. I know why we have to win. The death toll is only going to be worse if we do nothing… right? But…"
"But the death toll we're leaving in our wake is not something insignificant, no," Sokka said. Aang grimaced, looking at him helplessly.
"You never wanted to kill again," he said. "But you have. You… you found a way to do it without losing yourself? How… how did you do it, Sokka? How can you move on from… from becoming a monster?"
Sokka winced: he had far too much experience when it came to handling conversations such as these. Aang's helplessness reminded him far too keenly of the first time he had come across another amazing person's belief of being a monster…
"If you want me to be perfectly honest…" Sokka said. "It's not as easy as that. For some people, it takes a lot of reassurances and help, a lot of opportunities to make different, better choices. But for some of us… you don't move on from it at all."
Aang's eyes widened. Sokka met his gaze earnestly, without backing away from what he'd just said.
"It's messed up, I know, that I'd say something like that," Sokka whispered. "But it gets more fucked up still… because the person who taught me that was none other than Admiral Zhao."
Aang winced: he was responsible for Zhao's death. Even if Sokka had wanted him dead, in the end, Aang had been the one to deliver the killing blow…
"I lost my composure once, when I thought I'd lose Azula to a suitor," Sokka explained. "His gladiator was stronger than me, without a doubt. So, when it came down to it… I had to win no matter the cost. I got hurt, I was reckless… but I succeeded. I beat the man up so violently that I wrecked his face… he had to wear a protective facial mask afterwards, constantly. I… I didn't realize what I'd done until it was already done. The blood on my hands was screaming at me that I had killed a perfectly decent guy… and no, he didn't die, but for a long time, I thought he might. I thought I might have hurt him so badly that he'd never fight again, too… and like I said, he was decent. Him and I got along quite well. But the threat of someone taking Azula from me… it terrified me. Anyone attempting to marry her would find a gladiator to duel me, and I refused to lose against them. But the cost of winning that day was so much steeper than I imagined it would be.
"I isolated myself, or tried to, on our way back from the Arena, aboard an airship. Zhao's gladiator had been in this event too, so he approached and talked to me: he had done terrible things too, as a child… killed soldiers by mistake due to his inability to control his own fire. I never imagined he would be able to advise me in any way that mattered… but he did. He told me… this potential for darkness, for cruelty, for heinous deeds, was something I couldn't deny. It was something I had to embrace… something I had to put to the right use. It made me stronger. It made me a threat. It would allow me to better protect Azula, even if the cost for it was my own soul. Of course… it was up to me to decide what mattered most. If I wanted to privilege my inner peace above anything else… well, acknowledging there was darkness inside me, but refusing to ever use it, would still help me find a better balance within myself. If I decided to privilege protecting others… then I had to be ready to use that darkness, to harness it rather than letting it consume me. If that makes sense, of course…"
"It… it does, but it sounds awful," Aang said, grimacing. "I mean… you've done terrible things you never wanted to do. But is this why… why you've managed to keep going in the war? Why you haven't given up, no matter how bad things can get?"
"If I stopped now, if I gave up after all the things I've already done… what would that mean to all the people whose lives have been forfeit over the course of a hundred years of war?" Sokka asked. Aang snarled. "My chance to succeed, to set this world free, hasn't expired yet. What will the world see me as, once it's over? I don't know. Maybe they will see me as the monster who terrorized and destroyed the world out of scorn… maybe they will see me as a hero who saved everyone, instead. In a way… I think neither one is right. I'm no hero… I doubt I'm a villain, either. I'm as human as anyone else has ever been… and that means I can be a fucked-up mess, a contradiction, a catastrophe waiting to happen. I can hurt others, I can do terrible things… and I don't need to be less than human, or more, for that to be true. Neither does anyone else."
"But I'm supposed to be more. I'm… I'm the Avatar," Aang gritted his teeth. "Toph wanted me to learn to stand my ground and fight back to save those I loved… it's what I did to save you. And I don't regret saving you, Sokka… but I regret the lives I took in the process. Even if those lives were only likely to keep stealing more lives, I… I wish it had never happened. I wish I could have found another way…"
"I wish we could have, too," Sokka said. Aang glanced at him helplessly. "That's not a crime. It's not terrible of you to wish things could have been different. I'm sorry I've put as much on your shoulders as I have, Aang."
"You… I'm the Avatar, Sokka," Aang said, shivering. "I'm the one who has burdened you with leadership that I refused to take up myself. The one who hid away while… while you tried to fix this world with Azula. You have no reason to apologize… not when I've been using you as a shield for as long as I have. I should be the one fighting… the one taking a stand, but I can't bring myself to do it. And after this, I… I'm scared of who I am, Sokka. I'm scared of what I can be. I don't want to be, but… I am."
"The Avatar has great power," Sokka nodded. "More than anyone else in this world. But you could have all the money in the world too, and you could invest it in useful ways to help others get by, just as you could use it to only advance yourself and ruin your competitors, while having no effect for the better on anyone's lives. It's not the perfect example, I'm sure… but my point is, power in itself is not good or evil, Aang. Power's morality is in the hand that wields it. You're your own master: you can use that power and strength to save lives rather than take them. If we can find a way, we will. And if we can't… then we will mourn our failings and mistakes, our inability to find another choice, and we will honor those who had to pay the ultimate price for our actions. It's not easy… but we're not living in a world, or a time, in which we can make all the choices we prefer. This world is broken… and if the only way to restore it is by breaking myself, in turn, then I'll do that. It's not up to me to ask you to do the same thing, of course… but even if you decide against it, Aang, you're not a monster for what you did that day. You're human… even if you're the Avatar, you're a man, above all else. Whether your choice is to embrace your darkness and repurpose it, or to acknowledge and set it aside… there's no going wrong or right when it comes to that. It's up to you."
"Up to me," Aang repeated, shuddering. "I do think… that what I can do with this darkness is painful. Terrible. It's difficult to think it could ever be right…"
"Then why is it you don't regret saving me?" Sokka asked. Aang gritted his teeth. "Do you think it was wrong? Or was it right?"
"I… I don't know. This is too difficult to figure out," Aang said, shaking his head.
"War is merciless, Aang. It's cruel in ways we've seen for ourselves for the past months," Sokka said. "This exact same war took your people away. If you had any chance to bring them back, I know you would…"
"But… would I have been ready to use that darkness to destroy the Fire Nation's forces before they attacked us?" Aang asked. Sokka gritted his teeth.
"Hell… if that were the only choice, Aang, would you hesitate?" he asked. "Would you hold back from saving them at the cost of your own soul? I wish no one, much less you, had to face that kind of dilemma, but war is… war is as cruel and heartless as to give you no other choice but to kill or die."
"It is," Aang shivered, shaking his head. "D-doesn't matter, though… they're gone anyway. And precisely because they are, I… I wish I'd never have to do anything like what I did. I wish the war could just end… it should just end. Why does anyone have to fight anymore? I… I'm tired, Sokka. I'm so tired of the violence… of fighting to protect my friends against people whose lives I'm trying to preserve too. Don't they understand what they're doing? Why can't they understand it? We're all people, just like the ones they've always known and met in their lives… like their family, like their neighbors. Everyone has a life… everyone had experiences, loved ones, thousands of dreams…! And this horrible war is killing them, everything they ever treasured, and I… I can't stop it. I don't know how, Sokka. All I can do is fight on the same level as the Fire Nation…! And I hate it. I hate it! I… I want it to stop…"
He snarled, dragging his knees up and hugging them tightly. Sokka swallowed hard, rubbing Aang's back gently: Momo chirped, climbing off Sokka's shoulder and using his arm as a bridge to reach Aang. The Avatar sobbed, perhaps for the first time since that terrible day, letting the grief overwhelm him, letting his frustrations and pain take over his heart.
"It's okay to feel that way," Sokka whispered, kindly. "I know some people want revenge, reparations… once you've seen the worst of the war, the one thing you really want is for it to end. I… I never told Katara this. But Zhao… he offered to help me find our mother's killer."
Aang gasped, glancing at him with tearful eyes. Sokka swallowed hard, lowering his hand.
"I refused his offer," Sokka said. Aang's gaze glistened with surprise and confusion. "I thought about it… and in the end, I refused. I couldn't bring myself to do anything else. I told him I'd let him know if I changed my mind… but I didn't change it at all. In the end… I knew it would serve no purpose. I would lose my senses to bitterness, to rage… to a need of vengeance that would resolve nothing. I'm allowed to hate that man… to hate everyone who had any role to play in my mother's death. I hate Fire Lord Azulon, most of all. But killing the murderer for my mother's sake would never bring her back. It would be a weak attempt to soothe my pain that would backfire, in all likelihood, once it finally sank in that no brief satisfaction, if I even felt any, would calm the pain that would never go away. My mother is gone. She's gone… and all I can do is mourn for her, grieve for her, and hope her spirit is in a better place. That, if she can, she's watching over us and protecting us however she can. But killing the man responsible wasn't going to fix anything. So… I never found him. I don't think I ever will."
"But you hate him," Aang said. Sokka nodded.
"I do. I think that's fair," he said. Aang nodded.
"I guess it is. I… I think it should be. Even if the Air Nomads didn't teach me to hate, I… I hate Fire Lord Sozin," Aang said, gritting his teeth and tightening a fist. "I hate him for his mistakes. For starting this war… for destroying this world as he did. If I knew him… if I could turn back time and see him for myself, I'd stop him. I'd do my best to change his mind. I'd keep him from starting this war. But I… I wouldn't want to kill him. However I may hate him… I would never want to do that. I'd never be able to…"
"And you don't have to be ready to do that," Sokka said, reassuringly. "Look… I know you think your powers mean you have a bigger responsibility to this world than the rest of us. I don't know if that's true. But back in the day… back in the day, I fought beside someone who was so much stronger than me. And when she faltered, I'd stand my ground, hold her, make sure she wouldn't lose her footing. When I felt weak, she would lend me her strength. Whatever the other lacked, we'd provide. That was how we became the greatest team… and how our bond brought us as far as it did. You may be powerful, Aang… but you don't have to bear with all your burdens alone. No one with sense would ask you to. This… duty, taking care of the world, balancing it? It doesn't make sense for all of it to hinge on you. Everyone has to play their part. Some of us have tried to do so for a long time. If my part, at this point, is to offer you my help, to do my best to keep you from making sacrifices as bad as the one you had to do this time? Then I offer it gladly. We're a team, Aang. We're far more likely to push a boulder over the hill if we work together… even if you could earthbend and shove it out of the way, of course. But if something stops you from doing it… then we will do it in your stead."
"I… I guess. Thank you, Sokka," Aang said, gazing at him with heartfelt emotion. "But… maybe you were right before, too. Maybe… I need to decide whether I acknowledge and accept who I am, and what I'm capable of, first of all. Even when it's hard…"
"It will be. But you don't deserve to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself over a war that isn't your responsibility or your fault," Sokka said, earnestly. "The Fire Lord isn't grieving for the dead. If anything, he must find it terribly inconvenient that he needs to rebuild his forces now. He's the one who commanded his troops here… he didn't think they'd play nice and not slaughter the Water Tribe. He sent them here willfully, with eyes fully open to the atrocities he wanted them to commit… never expecting the outcome to be what it was. To him… all those people are pawns, tools, means to make a point rather than people for him to govern and protect. No one is holding a blade to his throat and threatening him to carry on with this war or else he'll die… he's choosing to do it on his own. Regardless of what I did by sending his people back to him, he'll keep on waging this war until he wins, because that's all this is about for him. He needs to clinch the victory no matter what… and stopping him will force us to do lots of things that we would rather not do. So, whenever that's the case, Aang…"
"No," Aang cut him off, frowning. "I… I understand better the extent of the sacrifices that need to be done now. I almost wish I didn't, but… I do. I do have this power… and only I can use it. If I failed to fight back… then the best hope this world has at finding peace someday would be gone. And by that… I mean you."
"I'm not the best hope, Aang, I'm just…" Sokka said, but Aang shook his head.
"No one else has ever come as far as you have. No one else has ever been as strong as you have been. You've made sacrifices so many of us never had to… and while I'd like to never need to follow your example, maybe I'll have to. I hate that I'd have to… but I might need to. For the sake of the world, I… I have to be ready. For the sake of bringing back balance… I can't stop now and let all the lives that have been lost go forgotten. Even if… if it hurts so much, I…"
"You carry them with you," Sokka said. Aang nodded. "The ones you've lost… the ones you've failed to save. They're with you… and as much as you may feel unworthy of your survival, of your strength, you'll make the most of the life you still have left to live. You'll do it in their honor… for they can't do it themselves anymore."
Aang sobbed and nodded. Sokka squeezed his shoulder gently again, though the Avatar didn't speak again as he wept. The Gladiator kept his silence, too, even when he saw Aang's hands shifting in position: one fist by the level of his chest, and a straight, strong palm resting right atop it. Tears spilled down his eyes as he breathed deeply… as he dove into the depths of his mind and heart, reaching for the depths of his soul that he shared with others.
That was what he had intended to do, initially. He had lacked the courage for it, though, for he had dreaded what they'd say… he had feared that they would believe him too weak for the demand he had made of them. But now, that weakness no longer felt like something to be ashamed of. He had underestimated the scope of his strength, the harrowing reality of war: he would not do so for a second time. He only hoped that would be enough for his past lives.
Yet again, he stood in a dark space, and only a tall man, a spirit of azure colors, stood before him. Roku's face was inscrutable, stern, but he withheld all words until Aang spoke first.
"You lent me your power. Just as I asked of you," he whispered. "What I did with it… I can't fully forgive myself for it, just as I wouldn't forgive myself if I hadn't done it."
"The burden of being the Avatar is heavier than you ever knew," Roku stated, sternly. "Preserving your cultural values is a choice you do not have the luxury to make in this conflict, Avatar Aang. Fail to protect your allies, to safeguard the vulnerable and weak, and your chance at ending this war will expire quickly."
"But… it is a chance. You do believe there is a chance now, don't you?" Aang asked. Roku frowned. "When we first spoke… you thought the world was too far gone to be salvaged. But you do believe I can do it now… that me and my friends could change things?"
"It has been… a confusing, complicated journey," Roku admitted. "But if it was your intent to prove to us that we cannot predict everything, especially a man as perplexing as your friend… then you certainly have succeeded at persuading us."
"I'm… I'm glad," Aang said, tears in his eyes again. "I may need your power again. I don't know for sure that I will, but this time, I know what I'm capable of. I'll use this power… to save lives, rather than take them. I'll accept that I can succumb to darkness… but that's not such a bad thing, if it means I'll be able to see the light far more brightly from its depths. I can embrace this truth… without letting it control me. Without letting the darkness take over me. I… I have a right to build a path towards a future of peace, even if there are some things that I'll never forgive myself for."
Roku's eyes softened… shifting towards a kindness Aang wasn't sure he had ever seen in them before. He extended a hand towards Aang, and the younger Avatar gazed at him with uncertainty.
"You embody the spirit of this world, Aang," Roku said. "And you have proven stronger than predictions, than destiny itself, in ways that many of us failed to be. I feared your failures would look much like mine… that you would break this world beyond measure, losing balance for good once you inevitably succumbed to the Fire Lord's forces. But you have found strength greater than that of many of your past lives… you have stood your ground beside a man who has encouraged and strengthened you, teaching you by example what a true leader is… showing you a new meaning for balance, too. Whether he's right or wrong, only time will tell… but perhaps a new world needs to be born indeed. We will be watching… we will stand beside you as you build that world, Aang. You truly are more than our legacy: succeed, and you will build your own."
Aang gasped: he opened his eyes, returning to his body to find Sokka and Momo sitting by him still, waiting patiently as the glow of the Avatar State faded from his eyes and tattoos. Momo chirped, jumping into Aang's arms and licking his face hastily. Aang breathed heavily… and he glanced at his friend, next.
"How did it go?" Sokka asked.
"They… trust me," Aang whispered. Sokka's eyes widened. "They're giving me a chance… to prove that I can build a new world, with a new kind of balance. S-so…"
Sokka swallowed hard and nodded, patting Aang's shoulder.
"We'll do our best going forward, Aang. We'll protect our people… and we'll save our enemies from themselves, if we can, too," Sokka said. Aang's eyes glistened with tears again. "We'll do this our way. This is not revenge: this is the end of a war, and the beginning of peace."
"If we must do painful things to succeed… then let us never do them in vain," Aang said, gritting his teeth and hugging Momo to his chest. "Every life is precious… every life deserves to be protected. And if we fail… then we will grieve for them, no matter who it is. We will do our best to ensure that… that we help them see there are other paths in life. That there are other possibilities, chances, that they can find their way to a better future if they just try. That… that is the Avatar I want to be."
Sokka smiled and nodded, squeezing Aang's shoulder. The Avatar sighed: a weight over his chest seemed to have lifted. He could see the world more clearly anew, beyond the grief that clouded his gaze. Burdens still weighed on him… but he could breathe again without feeling guilt over every intake of air, over every beat of his heart. He managed a small smile at his friend.
"Thank you, Sokka," he whispered. "I guess… I guess having a good friend can be the best way to deal with these things, huh?"
"It can be," Sokka said, patting his shoulder and pushing himself up. "You feeling up for talking to the others yet? Katara is, well… a little worried about you."
"I know. I… we were going to talk things over after we sorted out how to help the Northern Water Tribe," Aang sighed. "I've kept her waiting too long, haven't I?"
"Not sure if 'too long', frankly… but long enough, for sure," Sokka said.
"Say… how did you do it?" Aang asked. Sokka raised an eyebrow. "When you hated yourself for so many mistakes you made… how did you have the strength to find your happiness with Azula? Did you ever feel like… like you didn't deserve it?"
"Heh: only every day of my life," Sokka answered earnestly. Aang grimaced, certainly having expected a more uplifting answer than that. "Things weren't as they are now, of course: someone needed me, had expectations from me, and before I knew it, she became a reason to live so much stronger than my willingness to die. I've always… always felt shameless, in a way, for disregarding all those self-deprecating thoughts that told me I didn't deserve to be happy with her. I wanted to make her happy, above all else… she was the priority. She still is. So… if you want me to tell you that you can get over the feelings of inadequacy, honestly, I don't know about that. If you figure out a solution, please share, because… I haven't, myself."
"I see," Aang said, eyeing Sokka with uncertainty. "I'm sorry, Sokka. I… well, for what it's worth, I think you deserve happiness. You and Azula did."
Sokka smiled, nodding gratefully at Aang before turning around: the Palace awaited, and as much as Aang was nervous about going there again, his resolve to do so strengthened after Sokka's latest words. He might not find a solution… but finding and treasuring happiness with the person who mattered most to him seemed like a noble goal, like the right way to live life.
They marched together, with Momo fluttering back and forth between them, climbing over Sokka's head often and prompting the Gladiator to retaliate by teasing the lemur, poking fun at him as he flew back to Aang for safety's sake. The Avatar smiled a little for it, stroking Momo's fur gently.
"It's okay. I'm okay," he told him, as Momo chirped and pressed his face to Aang's. "At least, I hope I will be."
Finding genuine peace wouldn't be easy, but Aang supposed it would be a slow process of many years. He breathed deeply, marching onwards behind Sokka, hoping his conversation with Katara would prove fruitful, even if he didn't know what its outcome might be, after everything they had been through as of late…
But he'd get an answer for those questions quite quickly: someone bumped into Sokka just as he was crossing the Palace's front doors, and he blinked blankly upon finding it was none other than his sister.
"Sokka!" Katara gasped: her eyes brightened when she saw Aang and Momo, right behind him. "Aang…"
"Hey," Sokka smiled at his sister. "We were just on our way inside. You okay, Katara?"
"Zuko woke up," she blurted out at once: Aang gasped, and Sokka's eyes widened.
"For real?" he said, with a slow smile. "Hell… hell, he's got one hell of a sense of timing, we sent that envoy to Ba Sing Se just a few days ago. Bet his mom would have been much more reassured if she knew he had woken up…"
"She will be the next time we send word," Katara said, with a grin. "Who knows? She might even be hellbent on coming here to check on him? She is his mom, after all…"
"Hmm. I wonder if she'd be ready to do that," Sokka frowned, but he shook his head promptly. "Anyway, I'll go talk with the man of the hour myself. You guys coming too, or…? Were you up to anything else, Katara?"
"Actually, I just wanted to check on the two of you," Katara admitted, with a weak grin. Sokka hummed.
"Well, then… see you both in a bit, upstairs?" he said. Katara nodded: Sokka's willingness to leave them to speak alone was rather welcome.
Aang breathed deeply, approaching Katara with uncertainty: Momo took off, flying over Katara's head and aiming for Sokka's instead. The Gladiator nearly stumbled, quick to scolding the reckless lemur in a comical way, and Katara smiled at him over her shoulder as he made for the stairs that would lead him to Zuko's current whereabouts.
"I'm sorry, Katara," Aang said, quietly. She turned towards him, shaking her head.
"You don't have to be. I am sorry too, though," she said. "I guess… everything had been going too smoothly. It's stupid that I've been through so many large battles by now, and the true horrors of war only really hit me this time. I… I'm sorry you had to do what you did, Aang. I know how hard it must have been…"
"It wasn't at first," Aang confessed, startling Katara. "When I saw the swirl of fire on its way to Sokka, I… I didn't have to think about anything. All I knew was that I couldn't let him die. The reality of what I'd done didn't really hit me until later."
"I… I see," Katara gritted her teeth, eyeing him remorsefully. Aang sighed.
"I wasn't okay. I'm not sure that I am now, still. But… it looks like my past lives are giving me a chance. They're trusting me to build a new world… to make my own choices regarding the power I can wield. Whether I use it to hurt people or save them… it's up to me."
"It is. And no matter what you may choose… Aang, I'm here for you," Katara said, raising a hand to touch his. He met her eyes with uncertainty. "As we talked before all of this, well… I realized it's pointless for us to not be together if that's what we want. After what happened… it feels stupider still. Anything could happen tomorrow. If either of us…"
"Don't," Aang said, cupping her face gently. Katara gritted her teeth.
"If any of us went through something like what Zuko did… Aang, I… I've never been so scared that I might fail," she confessed, tears blooming in her eyes. "For so many years, I thought being a warrior was my true calling. Fighting, standing my ground, defending my people… and it's not like it isn't. But when those healers began saving Zuko, I realized I've been taking for granted that I'm a healer: I've never slowed down to really learn more about this skill. I should have. I… I want to save lives too. I'd rather save lives than take them, at this point. The horrors we saw, that we lived through… the people we could have lost, all of it is still too raw for me. I just…"
"You're struggling with it too," Aang said, caressing her cheeks gently with his thumbs. Katara breathed deeply and nodded. "Well… you're right about what you said before. It's pointless not to be together… when we're also dealing with similar strife and pain."
"It is, isn't it?" Katara said, with a helpless smile. "I… I needed to talk to you so badly. I wanted to…"
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Katara…" Aang said, earnestly, but Katara shook her head.
"What you had to deal with… it was so much heavier than you could bear with. I would have wanted to share your load, but… I'm not sure that I would have known how," she said. Aang's breath hitched. "I would have wanted to, but… I didn't want to make things worse. I didn't want to burden you with my own problems…"
"You'd never burden me," Aang said, pressing his brow to hers: Katara sniffed as tears spilled from her eyes. "I'd never dream of it, Katara. I… I want to be there for you, just as you are for me. We've been together for so long… since you broke me out of that iceberg. I don't know what I'd do if I… if it ever looked like…"
"Like we might lose each other?" Katara finished. Aang snarled and nodded.
"Sokka… he's way wiser than he knows. Using his darkness to save her, as many times as he has…" Aang said. "I don't want to… but if it comes down to it, I don't think I'd make a different choice than he did. If I had to, Katara, for you, I…"
Katara shook her head, kissing him softly. Aang breathed in, trembling once she pulled away.
"Then it's up to me to make sure that it will never come to that," Katara said, with certainty. Aang's fragile smile found a reflection in her own. "We're… we're a team of our own, Aang. We've always been one. We'll have each other's backs… we'll protect each other. We'll save each other. I swear it."
"I swear it too," Aang said, swallowing his tears as he wrapped his arms around her body. "I'll fight for you. I'll protect you. And together… together with all our friends, too, we'll build this new world. We'll create balance, true balance… and we'll find peace. The war will end… and you and I will still be together afterwards. For as long as you'll have me…"
"That's going to be a very long time indeed," Katara chuckled. Aang smiled earnestly at her. "Aang…"
He leaned in, kissing her intensely, and Katara wrapped her arms around his neck: this was what Sokka had meant. As difficult as it was to fathom living a peaceful life after the horrors they had been responsible for, the depth of this mutual understanding with Katara compelled Aang to choose this, to open his broken heart to hers, to give himself to the girl he had wanted to marry. Nothing would hold him back for another moment, for another second: she wanted him in her life, and he couldn't imagine a day in his own where he would feel any differently.
"I love you," Aang whispered. Katara smiled warmly, caressing his face.
"I've really wanted to… to hear that, and be able to do this right away," she laughed, pulling him in for an earnest, deep kiss.
Aang chuckled into the contact between them, tightening his grip around her, letting his pain fade to the background: this was what gave him purpose, what would compel him to keep fighting, to keep moving forward. Love was a powerful motor, like none other he knew. He might need to ask for Kino's help with his chakras anew… but perhaps the air chakra would be perfectly strong and open still: the love he felt for Katara was slowly renewing his very soul, providing him with strength where he had feared he had none left. His heart beat more powerfully with every moment in her arms, every second of the shared lives that, they knew, were far more fragile than they appeared to be. A single mistake, and everything could come to an abrupt end… so they would make no mistakes. Their love would guide them forward, and they would hold nothing back anymore. This was the life they had chosen together… a life that would see it so that true love and happiness would finally be within reach for the whole word, and not just the two of them.
Sokka was still struggling with Momo on his way to the healing ward: the lemur was surprisingly slippery, and he seemed to taunt Sokka by skittering over his back, even down one of his legs before taking off in full flight.
"You troublemaker…" Sokka smirked, watching the lemur turn in midair before flying into the room. "Hey! Behave yourself! That's a medical facility, you little…!"
Sokka rushed towards the room, arriving just in time to see Momo dropping clumsily atop Zuko's head: Kino gasped, scolding Momo quickly as Zuko laughed: he looked drained, far paler than ever, but his eyes were bright with life anew. Sokka breathed out in relief and smiled as he entered the room, making to grab Momo… who, of course, promptly fled into Kino's arms.
"Sokka, you're too mean to him," Kino chuckled: Momo chirped, climbing all the way to Kino's head, and Sokka stuck his tongue out at the lemur.
"Serves him right. You guys coddle him too much," he said, playfully, before glancing at Zuko. "And hello to you. Been a while."
"So I hear. I didn't even notice," Zuko confessed, breathing out slowly and smiling. "Good to know you're in better shape than me, though. All of you are…"
"Yeah, fortunately," Sokka said. "The Water Tribe was saved, even if they took a lot of damage. We won't be moving out for a while… but we will be helping the Northern Water Tribe by building more ships in the coming weeks. And by we, I mean our group, including the firebenders who came with us… but you're staying put and resting."
"Good. I don't want to do anything for a year," Zuko said, with a weak grin.
"I'd tell you off for being lazy, but I think you've earned it this time," Sokka said, pulling up a chair and sitting by his side.
"Taking pity on me, are you?" Zuko asked. "Doesn't suit you in the least, Gladiator…"
"Want me to tell you off, then?" Sokka huffed, and Zuko chuckled. "I could do that instead, you know."
"Of course you could," Zuko said, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. "But… those ships will join us, right? They're meant to be the ones we'll take to go to the next stage…"
"Yeah. We don't know how many people will be coming with us yet, from the Water Tribe," Sokka said. "We also don't know what's going on in the Earth Kingdom yet. I sent someone with a message to Ba Sing Se only a few days ago. We'll know how things turned out for Shiju and General Fong in recruiting ships for our cause by the time they answer us, I hope."
"Hmm," Zuko breathed deeply, eyeing Sokka warily. "Jeong Jeong has to seize Yu Dao next…"
"He's bound to be setting out soon," Sokka said, with a nod.
"Feels like we're almost done, huh?" Zuko said. Sokka gritted his teeth. "One more battle?"
"Hopefully, just the one," Sokka said.
"Do you think there might be more?" Kino asked.
"Hard to predict what Yu Dao will turn out like, but if Jeong Jeong handles himself well, we should have a pretty decent fleet to move forward with," Sokka said. "And once that's in order… we'll be off to the final battle."
"Right…" Kino said, swallowing hard. "The final battle… sounds terrifying, huh?"
"Maybe… but maybe you should think about it differently," Zuko said, closing his eyes. "What… what woke me up was the thought of Suki. Of our kids. Beyond the final battle… I can't help but think that I'll be coming home."
Sokka eyed him with uncertainty, his heart churning upon realizing he understood Zuko's feelings all too well: but where the Fire Nation Prince found his home was in the Southern Water Tribe, the Water Tribesman knew his own was in the Fire Nation, simply because Azula was there. His chest tightened at the thought… whatever needed to be resolved between them, they'd take care of it in due time. But he'd return to Azula soon, that moment was closer at hand than ever before… and that realization brought a genuine smile to his face.
"That's right, Zuko," Sokka said, his voice charged with purpose and determination. "Whatever comes our way next, we're going to win every battle ahead of us… and we're going home."