Chapter 7: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Kingdom Hearts

After the two friends finished their handshake, Lucy glanced down at her hands and tried to replicate it, but to no avail. She glared and pouted quietly.

"Well that was interesting." Becca said looking at the two.

"Uh…how do I know that?" Sakuzy asked.

"Eh, might've been something in the water." Joyex said, "Like Becca here, she doesn't remember anything. I'm guessing the sword folks are in the same boat?"

Becca looked at the Sakuzy, tilting her head in a quizzical way.

"So…you've got one of these things, too?" Sakuzy asked, holding up his Keyblade.

"I do." Becca said. Once again, she got a good look at Sakuzy. She blinked a few times, "You look familiar."

"You think we met?" Sakuzy asked, "'Cuz…honestly, everything before waking up in that tub's a blank."

"Maybe it's just my imagination." Becca said, folding her arms and looking up at the sky.

"I guess so." Sakuzy said before looking at Yozora, "What about you? Know me or Lucy or Joyex or…her?" he pointed at Becca, "Sorry, I don't know your name."

"It's Becca." Becca said smiling

"Hey, Becca. I'm Sakuzy. We should hang out more." Sakuzy said before looking back at Yozora.

Yozora folded his arms, tilting his head. It took him but a few seconds, "Hmm...nope, never seen any of you in my life. Dude, I don't even know MY NAME. I was named fifteen minutes ago by a crazy ninja in purple and black…span…dex…I think."

"Uh, hi!" Lucy said with a wave, peeking out from behind Sakuzy's back, "I'm Lucy!"

Becca waved back to Lucy, but was still fairly quiet.

"So, judging by the sound of it we're all in the same boat here." Lucy said.

"Looks like it." Becca said.

"Huh. I'm only a step up from that, apparently." Sakuzy said, "But what were those things…?"

"Here. Might fill in that blank." Joyex said, tossing Sakuzy a book, "Found it in my room and did some poking around in it. Trust me, it's really handy."

Sakuzy caught the book and looked at it. The title was The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"The…Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Sakuzy asked. Immediately, a holographic screen appeared as static crackled on it. Then something came into view as a voice narrated.

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. Perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful, ever to come out of the great publishing corporation of Touchstone. More popular than "The Celestial Homecare Omnibus", better selling than "53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity", and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of blockbusters—"Where Nomura Went Wrong", "Some More of Nomura's Mistakes", and "Who is this Nomura Person Anyway?". It's already supplanted "The Encyclopedia Galactica" as the standard repository of all wisdom for two important reasons: first, it's slightly cheaper and second, it has the words 'Don't Panic' printed in large, friendly letters on its cover."

As the narration ended, Sakuzy closed the book and looked at the cover. Indeed, "Don't Panic!" was written in a large, soothing-looking font.

"Don't panic. Best advice I've gotten all day." Sakuzy commented.

"Now, say 'Heartless'." Joyex said.

"Heartless?" Sakuzy said as the book lit up again.

"Heartless—the general bane of the multiverse where Nobodies and Dream-Eaters are not concerned. Creatures born from the darkness in hearts and who seek to devour the hearts of others, often appearing in different shapes or sizes depending on the world you find them in. There are generally two forms of Heartless—Purebloods, which are made naturally, and Emblems, which were artificially created. It should be noted that, despite naming, THEY are the ones lacking bodies and the Nobodies are the ones without a soul. They are also much like the Dark Souls, but nobody talks about those."

"Huh. Whadda ya know?" Sakuzy asked.

"This book's amazing, isn't it?" Joyex grinned, "Uh…speaking of, just so we've got all cards on the table? I'm a Nobody."

"Really? But you look cute—I mean human!" Becca said, blushing furiously before muttering, "Why'd I say cute?"

"Aww, hey, everybody's a somebody," Yozora said cheerfully, shaking his head, "Regardless of labels, you're no nobody! …Whoever you are."

"I'm Joyex and it means I don't have a heart." Joyex said, giving Yozora a flat look.

"Well, not with THAT attitude…" Yozora remarked, folding his arms with a pout.

"You'd think this would get easier to explain…" Joyex murmured.

"Hmm…" Sakuzy opened the Guide, "Nobody."

"Nobodies. Continuing the trend of confusing names, Nobodies are the bodies left behind when a person falls into darkness. When this happens to a person with strong enough will (usually under the "main character" umbrella), their body acts with a will on its own, usually by scrambling their name and throwing 'X' in there. An empty vessel whose heart has been stolen away, much to the distress of cardiologists and crying fangirls. Not necessarily evil, but also only remember what it's like to have a heart. So, keep your eyes on them and feel for the nearest weapon."

"I need to send a complaint about that description." Joyex commented.

"Ohhhh- o-oh-" Yozora's eyes widened in realisation, "You're actually called a 'Nobody'…dude, you shoulda just said that!" He then turned to the Guide and rubbed his chin. "Hey, what about those…things you were using…uh…Keyblade!"

"I have to agree there." Becca said.

"Yeah! The Keyblade, what was that all about?" Lucy chimed in.

"Keyblade…useful."

"Useful? That's all it has to say? ONE WORD?!" Sakuzy shouted.

"In its defense, there's a LOT of worlds out there and only so much data it can hold." Joyex said.

"You two asked it a question and got full paragraphs; I ask it a question, I get TWO WORDS!" Yozora protested, throwing his arms up in the air, before he groaned, deflating. "Last time I ask that book for any favours."

"The Keyblade's a powerful weapon." Vincent said, walking up, "A tool for the light. A weapon against the Heartless. Haven't been seen in years. Until about two years ago. Now, they're apparently everywhere."

"A tool…for the light?" Sakuzy asked, holding up his Keyblade. Vincent took the key-shaped sword from Sakuzy's hands, "HEY!"

"Hm. So, you and the girl are Chosen Ones?" Vincent asked, slashing with the Keyblade. It vanished in a burst of sparkles before reappearing in Sakuzy's hand, "Beggars can't be choosers, I guess."

"Strong of heart…" Becca muttered. Something about that rang a bell.

"Verrry interesting…" Lucy said as she looked down in thought.

"So, these Heartless things are a threat?" Sakuzy asked.

"Yeah." Vincent said, "They frequently show up in Traverse Town. Used to be taken care of by Leon and his crew, but when they went back to Radiant Garden, left us to take care of ourselves. Someone has to look after it, people come and go as frequently as ever. So long as there's darkness in a heart, there will be Heartless."

"Well, think I'm exempt from that." Joyex smiled.

"Have they been appearing a lot more?" Becca asked "The Heartless, I mean."

"I'd imagine so, it's kind of hard to get rid of darkness in some people's hearts." Lucy replied. "As sad as that is."

Chosen Ones. Keyblades. Heartless.

Yozora was already getting a headache from it all. He'd woken up, what, twenty minutes ago with no memories, and now he had to process all of THIS? Yet it also rang familiar in his head. "They seek out…the hearts of worlds…" he murmured slowly, furrowing his brow, trying to put things together. "The Keyblade can lock those hearts away from the Heartless…"

"They can. Through something called the Keyhole." Vincent said, "This world's Keyhole has been sealed for years. Heartless still show up, though…"

"There are other worlds, besides this town and where the others went, right?" Sakuzy asked. Vincent only nodded, "Then…some of them could still be unlocked?"

"In theory. With the Heartless still running rampant through the multiverse…" Vincent said.

"Then we should find a way to those other worlds." Becca said.

"Yeah, we should." Sakuzy nodded.

"That's the job of those who carry a Keyblade…"

"That's the job of those who carry a Keyblade." Sakuzy said, holding up the Kingdom Key.

"If we do, we'd need a Gummi Ship." Joyex said, looking at Yozora and Lucy, "If Sakuzy goes, I'm going. And Becca wants to come with. What about you two?"

"Of course I will." Becca said

Lucy smirked and crossed her arms, "Do you really gotta ask?"

"No thanks, I'm good." Yozora said with a sheepish laugh, resting his hands behind his head, "Look, dude, I mean no offense and all, but…I don't know you. Any of you. I don't' even know MYSELF right now. And stranger danger is a thing."

"Alright then." Sakuzy shrugged, "Can't force ya to. Thanks for the help, though."

"Why? We don't remember anything, either. We're in the same boat." Becca said.

"Yeah! If we're gonna get out of this, we need to help each other!" Lucy said to Yozora.

"Yeeeaaaah, uh…you all just ignore the cape over here?" Yozora asked with bemusement, gesturing to Sakuzy, "It's 'Koozie', right?"

"Sakuzy." Sakuzy said, "And we can't make him come if he doesn't want to."

"I know." Becca said.

"Alright." Lucy pouted and shrugged. "I guess you're the boss now so whatever you say goes…"

"You're the boss, Kooz! Abuse the crud out of this." Joyex hissed.

"What?" Sakuzy asked, "How come I'M—"

"Don't ask. Just accept." Joyex said.

"Right…" Sakuzy said, "Is…there a way off this world?"

"Yes." Vincent said, "There's a Gummi port in the Second District."

"Then…I guess I'm going there." Sakuzy said, raising a friendly hand to Yozora, "Thanks for the help, Yoze. Hope to see you soon!"

Becca waved to Yozora, but looked a bit disappointed by that.

"Yeah, see you around!" Lucy said to Yozora.

Yozora turned to face Sakuzy, before he flashed a small grin and a thumbs up.

"Was nice meetin' ya, Kooz!" he said warmly before walking away.

"Although I have a question: what the heck is a Gummi Ship?" Lucy asked.

"It's a means of travelling between worlds." Vincent said.

"Y'know, I actually got this in my chamber." Joyex said, holding up a slip of paper with an address on it.

"Right, crowd's controlled!" Crescent said…carrying a metal leg over his shoulder, "And—wait, SWORD BRO!"

"Give that back to Blader." Vincent said.

"B-but…SWORD BRO!" Crescent whined.

"No. Give it back." Vincent ordered.

"Stupid, sexy Blum voice." Crescent murmured, trudging away.

"I take it that happens a lot." Becca said.

"Yep." Vincent said. He then took out something and tossed it at Sakuzy. He yelled as he fumbled before grabbing onto it, finding a pendant with a pair of shades and a scarf, "Could probably find more use for it than me."

"Uh...thanks." Sakuzy said, looking at the charm and thinking Tune Charm.

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

Meanwhile, in a dark carnival, a group gathered around a table with a crystal ball. Surrounding the orb was a group of six people: a woman in black with eyes stitched shut, a man with pale skin and dark hair, a woman in all white, a small creature with one eye, a tiger, and a man with a top hat.

The tiny, one-eyed creature tapped his stubby digit against the table, bright red eye narrowed with annoyance.

"So, are we going to be getting down to business sometime TODAY or do we plan to just keep staring into your fancy fishbowl?" he asked irritably.

"Heartless storm…destroyed…" the woman in black rasped.

"Two of them have Keyblades. That's not surprising." The man in black scoffed, brushing some of his locks out of his eye.

"And given that information, I suspect these children will be a cause of trouble for us." The lady in white mumbled.

"Keyblade, schmeyblade, big whoop! Evil Plan Z is waaaaaaaaay ahead of 'em!" scoffed the microscopic being. "I've got six degrees of college education over all of them!"

"If they are anything like the Lost Key you speak of, they're bound to meddle in the affairs of other worlds, just as he did." The large feline spoke, his voice low, smooth and finely accented, "Which means, sooner or later, they come for US…and no man is welcome in MY jungle."

"And one has already entered Jadis' domain. She seems…interesting." The man in black said, teeth briefly turning into razor-sharp fangs.

"Peh! The only thing interesting about them is that they look like they were fished outta a toxic waste dump!" scoffed the small being.

The tiger remained silent, bright yellow eyes glowing ominously, as he tapped his claws against the table. "The Nobody seems interesting prey. " he mused, glancing at his sharp, gleaming claws, "I wonder…if you prick him, does he bleed like man? Or does he spill shadow like Heartless?"

The white lady glared at the little red headed girl and clenched her teeth. "Tumnus, that horn headed fool."

"Master…?" the woman in black asked.

"For now…stay yourselves." The leader said, stroking his beard with a heavily-tattooed hand, "See what happens. There are two Keys…but what is that compared to the powers of darkness?"

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

Hitchhiker Entries:

Hello. These are the entries inserted by the myriad of heroes to help chronicle their adventures. They will be provided at the chapter's end for your convenience to help give some behind the scenes or just general fun facts. This has been the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Vincent Valentine

The leader of the Traverse Town Defense Coalition. He specializes in guns, brooding, and all things dark. But what can you expect from a man who spent a few years in a coffin? With Leon departing for Radiant Garden, he was left to pick up the slack. He began his brooding in Final Fantasy VII (1997).

Crescent Sykotara

Some people are unfortunate and become a little crazier than usual. Crescent Sykotara is a prime example. Captured by Maleficent, she planted Materia into his chest, turning him into a legally-safe version of a character who's now owned by the proper company. But that never stops him from breaking certain walls while doing ninja things. He began his babbling in the original Prince of Heart (2008).

Petross Therios

In every organization, there is usually one person who needs to act as the sane center. Since the alternatives were an emo, a hot-tempered IT worker, and Crescent, the job fell to Petross. Built like a mountain, but he can heal as well as a hot spring. Just don't annoy him TOO much or else you'll have a rhino-shaped dent in your head. He smashed into the picture in the original Prince of Heart (2008).

Blader Duket

A nerd and dork who never let adversity get him down…at the hands of a certain moon-themed ninja. He currently acts as the Defense Coalition's computer and robotics expert. Tends to be good at it…so long as he's far away from Crescent. His hacking started in the original Prince of Heart (2008).