AN: I have tried to stick to canon, but a lot of the information is spotty. So, I've built the world around a few assumptions.

Walk In Another's Shoes

"Nobody is impervious to misfortune." - Ferdinard Marcos

I spotted a blue vein of something – lyrium-and followed the trail until it disappeared into the foggy ground. I transformed my extremities into a shovel and started digging through Fade essence enthusiastically, wanting to see where the vein ended. I stopped digging for a moment and took a slight peek at Desire. It was doing exactly what it had been doing for the last couple of hours after it had stopped playing with me. Standing in one stupid spot.

I pouted in annoyance. Desire was being so difficult. It refused to let me go anywhere! It was so boring! I wanted to play! I wanted to explore the Fade, jump up and down, fly from one place to another. But instead of playing with me, Desire was being weird. It kept phasing in and out of the Fade, flickering like a candle flame in that one spot. Whatever it was doing, it seemed to be failing, if the frustrated cusses meant anything.

Maybe Desire would join me now?

Are you done yet?

"That is quite enough!" Desire glided agitatedly towards me, "If I can't get access, then hopefully you can." Desire dragged me towards that same spot and I struggled against its hold.

I don't want to! So boring!

"Try to go back! I have never seen something like this before! You-this isn't normal!" Desire tightened its hold on me, squeezing until I was stuck on the spot. "Go back! Remember who you are!"

Stupid! I know who I am! I am Useless!

"No, you aren't! You are nothing like Useless!"

Desire compressed me until I fit into a vaguely familiar shape then slammed me to the ground. For a moment, it felt like I connected to something; there was a phantom breath before I was suddenly pulled back, ricocheting until I collided with some gelatinous substance before squeezing through its holes.

I oozed like a liquid, waiting for all bits to assemble before popping back up.

I was back in the Fade.

That was fun! Was that what Desire was doing? I knew it was fun!

I turned to Desire and felt the horror permeating its aura.

"What was that? How-how did you-why didn't you go back? How did you come back?" Desire withdrew from me, and started vibrating in its spot, "What-what can I do? This-this isn't any of my business." Desire recoiled, "I tried, and you seem fine with how you are. Who am I to change that?"

Wait! Where are you going?

I followed Desire in confusion as it retreated from me. Desire panicked, disappearing and reappearing on a rock ledge at the far end of the horizon.

How did Desire do that?

Fadestep in the Fade. Visualize your destination, have intent then move.

Oh, that was like Apparition, wasn't it?

…

Not this again.

But where did I get the word Apparition?

…

I shook away my unease and set my sight on the rock ledge that Desire was perched on. We were playing Tag! I need to catch up! I fadestepped and appeared on the same rock ledge.

Yes! Success!

"Why are you following me? Go back to that place! Don't follow me!" Desire disappeared again. I searched the horizon again and found it gliding on a river far away.

Hmph. As if I would stop playing Tag just when Desire showed some interest in games.

I fadestepped again but splashed into the water instead of walking on it. I waded out and noticed that Desire had turned back in fear and disappeared again.

This isn't fun! Desire, I don't want to play this game anymore!

"We aren't playing. Stay away from me!"

Desire was being such a jerk! Well, I don't want to be friends with you either! Stupid Desire! You followed me first!

Desire froze in its tracks and I watched as the air wavered in indecision.

You came to me first! But if you want to run away, don't pretend it's because of me! As if I'm something evil!

I only wanted to play with you.

The feeling of submission wavered in the air before Desire reappeared on the river bank in front of me.

"If you want me to stay, you need to listen to me about your form. Choose now. My way or no way at all."

Those words were familiar somehow. My way. There was only one way.

I nodded and leaped in joy towards Desire to give it a hug. Desire slid to the right and I fell into the river again. Ugh, Desire was so annoying. It enjoyed playing hard to get way too much.

"I don't know what to do. There's only one spirit that possibly could. But I hate that stupid spirit, ugh this is all your fault! Stupid useless girl."

See, even you agree I'm Useless.

"Shut up! Just follow me and let me do all the talking."

I sighed and followed Desire quietly. It grumbled under its breath as it held my hand and pulled me to speed up. Just to have some fun, I elongated myself like elastic, then suddenly let the tension snap, bouncing up and down like a yoyo.

"Stop that!"

Ugh, why was Desire being so grouchy? Desire always wanted both useful and useless things, so pretending like I was unwanted, was too unbelievable. Not by Desire. I was Useless, of course I would do useless things.

"That isn't how it works, and you are not Useless. We're almost there, so keep quiet."

Desire had taken us to a large clifffacing an ocean. We slid sideways, down the rockface and faced a large cave entrance. It had intricate designs on the wall, the main centrepiece was the elongated archway, filled with sketches of wolves, griffins and halla.

Disquiet settled in my being and I pulled at Desire's grip. Stop. Stop!

"What is it?" Desire stopped and sighed, "I can feel it too. It seems like Wisdom has a visitor."

We stopped at the entrance and Desire pulsed its aura twice, before extending it in pseudo permission. After a moment, Desire reluctantly stepped inside, and I followed, equally unenthusiastic.

A bright yellow glow from within turned Desire's dark purple form into a dark red that looked very sinister.

"Thank you."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. We kept quiet as we walked down the passage, unable to ignore the overwhelming magical power pulsing deep inside the cave.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Desire would intentionally seek Wisdom." A voice growled out. It came from within the shadows, cast deeper in contrast to the bright radiance. When the glare of the light lessened, bright blue eyes became apparent in the darkness.

"Any who seek wisdom are welcome in my domain. Don't mock them, lethallin." A lilting voice replied. I looked around searchingly and noticed a particularly radiant spot of yellow approach us.

Too bright!

"Oh, you brought a babe with you?" The brightness dimmed, and I could finally discern a bright yellow spirit in the middle of the cave, radiating gentleness towards me. "Why do you have it with you Desire?"

"She is my territory. My domain."

Wisdom exchanged a look with the figure in the shadows, "Do you need help raising a new spirit?"

"No, there is no need for that. She is my responsibility."

I love you too Desire!

Desire's aura twisted in discomfort at my sincerity. Wisdom let out a heavy sigh and glided towards me, its hands extended, but Desire moved protectively in front of me. The movement seemed to turn Desire a brighter red with the extra exposure to the yellow light, "I would appreciate a private audience with you. I need to discuss something-"

A scoff came from the shadows, "I'm not leaving. Everyone knows how much Desire demons hate Wisdom spirits." There was rustling, and a black outline moved forward until it entered the light.

Doggy!

I rushed forward but slammed to the floor as Desire caught me and pulled me back.

"I told you to stay put!"

But it looked so fluffy! So fluffy!

Wisdom giggled, and Desire crushed me to the floor with its heel in retaliation. Wisdom's giggles abruptly stopped.

"That isn't necessary, Desire. Let the spirit go." The doggy snarled menacingly. As the dog stalked forward, I grew concerned for Desire.

I melted out from Desire's grip and stood up, waving my hand placatingly. See, nothing to worry about. Desire likes playing hard to get.

Wisdom sighed, "What can I do for you, Desire?"

"This! She's forgotten who she is. She isn't a spirit. She's been maimed."

A tense silence fell, and I turned to Desire in shock. Suddenly, the air in the cave became stifling.

"She's just another casualty then. She isn't one of the People-"

"Lethallin, that's enough." Wisdom turned to me and I retreated warily at the hostility radiating from the dog, "Who are you, child?"

I am Useless.

I hid behind Desire after the declaration, unable to trust the intent of the other two beings. Perhaps Desire was right, I should have been quiet.

"You are not Useless-your name-"

"No, Desire. If she is to ever return, then she must remember on her own. Preferably where her body is, if it hasn't been destroyed."

Desire, let's go. I don't like it here.

"Wait." Desire ordered, before turning back to Wisdom, "Can I help her along? Jog her memory-?"

I tuned Desire out as the big black dog moved towards me. I cowered. The fluffiness that had captivated me fell away as I focused on the dog's monstrous fangs as it flexed its jaws threateningly.

"How did you get here?"

Desire dragged me. I glided back further as it stalked forward.

"Into the Dreaming? Are you erelan?"

Erelan. Trepidation and dread settled in the pit of my stomach. I turned to Desire again, only to find it watching me expectantly.

I couldn't-I wasn't-what-have-I-done-

I want to go! I want to go! I don't want to stay-home-

I fadestepped back to the only place that was vaguely familiar, the place Desire had kept me trapped.

Erelani.

Visions of another-no-me-flashed through my mind. The Fade flickered with multiple colours as if I was under a psychedelic drug.

My spirit pulsed into the Fade before squeezing, compressing through a small tiny hole that felt suffocating. I dropped, twisting, bending and adjusting until I fit the encasing. Too big in too small.

My mind ached. My spirit ached. My body ached.

My lungs felt like they were going to burst, squeezing, stabbing, desperate for a breath.

I exhaled. Inhaled. Exhaled.

Memories, both old and new, came rushing back as if a dam had broken. The spirit had tried to cross over, into the Fade and beyond. My aura had been entangled with it and due to the mixing of its essence with mine, especially the memory transfer, I had been dragged along with it. I had gotten stuck in between, both in body and spirit, until I had chosen to let go.

I should have died. There was no reason for my spirit to linger, not after failing my family and clan.

It was me. I trapped you. Though I admit, I did regret that choice for a while. But did you really think you could escape me so easily? That I would relinquish my territory so easily?

Desire. I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will.

I opened my eyes.

It was cold. I couldn't tell where I was, only that I was lying down. The darkness was absolute, constricting, and I strained to see beyond that blanket of darkness.

Something scraped against the wall and I bolted up and rolled to the ground in self-defence. Clicking sounds followed me and I retreated in the opposite direction, cussing quietly when I collided against a wall.

Light. I needed light.

I created a ball of flame in my right hand and cringed at the ache in my eyes. I blinked frantically, relying predominantly on my hearing as my sight adjusted.

A giant black spider was in front of me, at least two meters tall. Its' legs were hairy, hideous while its numerous eyes were trained unflinchingly upon me. The two mouth legs clicked ominously, and I felt my heart swell in fear. Beside the spider, on either side, were two smaller spiders that I couldn't help but ignore for they were completely eclipsed by the gigantic hairy spider scuttling towards me.

I regretted creating the light for I had effectively drawn its attention.

I was the prey.

I ran. Out the library door and down twisting passages. I heard the scraping of multiple legs pursuing and feeling my panic swell up, I fadestepped.

Left, right, straight.

A dead end. No. No!

I fadestepped again, dodging the legs that attempted to trap me as I doubled back.

A stabbing pain started below my ribs, and I looked down to see a piece of glass embedded in my ribs. How hadn't I felt that before? Where did it come from?

The phylactery. I had fallen on the phylactery.

I couldn't keep running much longer. I paused as I approached a narrow opening that widened out into open air.

I did it. I got out.

But it was night-time, and the spiders wouldn't hesitate to follow me outside. I jogged through the opening and waited to hear the scraping sounds of the spiders approaching. Two of the smaller spiders reached first, and I held my hands together in a circle in front of my face. I closed my eyes and envisioned a flamethrower before 'breathing' fire through the circle. Shrieks engulfed the passageway as fire blazed through it, and I waited for the large spider to approach.

It didn't.

The fire died down, the corpses of the small spiders burned to a crisp. A burning metallic rubbery smell hung in the air and I felt bile build up at the horrendous smell. My enhanced vision caught the glint of multiple red eyes focused unblinking upon me. I shuddered.

I waited for it to approach, cautious, but it stood there patiently, unmoving.

A sense of horror pounded my heart at its calculating behaviour. Spooked, I turned and ran, heading straight for the Arwen camp.

The clearing was empty, but still showed signs of habitation.

The nug nesting on the discarded Arwen heraldry startled at my approach and turned to run.

Seeing the nug woke a deep-seated hunger. How long had it been? How much time had passed? The absence of my clan was disquieting, but there was nothing in the clearing that indicated a fight had taken place.

It was highly likely they had joined the Warden to fight the Blight. I just needed to join them.

I tracked the nug and killed it with Flashfire. I removed the viscera manually, and cast a miniature fire spell, that I called Incendio for nostalgic purposes, and cooked the meat.

My stomach spasmed viciously at the first voracious bite and I slowed down, afraid any meat eaten would just be vomited out. I took three more bites, taking care to chew thoroughly before forcing myself to stop.

I settled down on the roots of a tree and lifted my tunic. Tiny glass pieces were embedded in my skin, but only one piece had stabbed through.

I wasn't a healer. I was capable of healing minor scraps and injuries, fully aware of the elven anatomy, but I had never dabbled in the healing arts. Especially not in spirit healing. The one spirit that had consistent contact with me, Desire, was not inclined to participate in such an endeavour either.

I took shallow breaths, unwilling to aggravate the injury further, especially after the chase through the ruins. I left the piece in, aware that it was preventing me from bleeding out.

I didn't know healing. But I could ask for help.

I closed my eyes.

"I'm surprised you returned to the Fade so easily. Especially after what happened. Tell me, do you remember anything?"

Yes, I do. Memories have the essence of the Fade, remember? And you were there in all of them.

Desire sighed, "So what do you desire?"

Do you know healing?

"What are the terms of the bargain?" Desire shook its head suddenly and rephrased, "Forget that, I'll teach you the basics of healing magic, enough to heal your injury, and in exchange, you will return to speaking your intent rather than communicating it with your aura."

Huh?

"Why?"

"Communicating like that is reserved for newborn wisps and regular erelans. You are a somniari, you should already be able to control your intent in the Fade so that you only show what you want to."

"You're being surprisingly helpful."

"Just don't want to feel like I'm dealing with a stupid babe," Desire muttered under its breath, "again."

I shrugged, "Okay. So, the healing magic, how do I do it? Also, do you know what happened here?" I paused, then raised a hand, "Can you give me a moment? I want to know what happened at the campsite."

As I said the words, I dissolved the boundaries of my domain and integrated into the Fade realm that reflected the world.

The wisps bounced agitatedly at the sudden disruption, the Veil already paper thin in the region due to the blood shed from countless conflicts in the region.

It was only too easy for the wisps to enact what had happened.

The Warden and his company entered the camp, armed with the knowledge endowed by the werewolves. The perspectives switched rapidly between the Dalish and the Warden company; the incident was too fresh.

Aedan had tricked the Keeper into following him into the Ruins, and Zathrian had readily followed, grief stricken at the news of my death. He'd wanted to see it for himself and Thranduil had followed doggedly, refusing to leave despite repeated orders.

No, no, no, no. Please, please, no!

Not because of me.

Zathrian never questioned…. he followed unthinkingly…. Thranduil with him…. because of me!

Anguished screams echoed through the Fade and it was a moment before I realized that I was the one screaming. Sobbing.

I only wanted to save them. I only wanted to help.

Why was I so useless? So powerless?

The adrenaline that had numbed my emotions in the Waking world was absent. I could only drown in my misery.

Despair filled my gut. What was I good for? Why live? Surrender to-

"Leave. Now. She is my territory and I will destroy you if you attempt to even influence her."

Despair stood at the scene, staring contemplatively at me. For a moment, I felt a strong kinship with it, but Desire stepped in front of me, waved its right arm and Despair flew back, through the boundaries of the vision and into the raw Fade.

Desire.

"You may despair, but don't give up your desires. There will always be pain, physical or emotional, but having goals, even just desires, will get you up. Get up. You have a lot to do."

I absorbed its words. If Desire had cared or even pretended to care, I wouldn't have listened, for it would have deepened my despair. But the indifference to my pain stabilized me.

I didn't have the luxury of despairing, because there was no one who would listen.

I needed to see the rest of the vision.

The wisps re-enacted the memory again. Thranduil returned with the Warden company and his face was aged, matured. Sorrow, anger and resolve set his features as he spoke privately with Lanaya. Thranduil discovered Zathrian's involvement and after my death, he'd been driven to the limits of his rage. He'd lashed out at Zathrian for my pointless death, for I had died while setting out to find a cure that Zathrian already knew about.

Zathrian hadn't had any fighting spirit left, his guilt defeating him before the battle had even begun. Zathrian died destroying the curse and Thranduil had saved the day, negotiating a truce with the surviving humans with Aedan's help.

Lanaya had pledged the Arwen clan to fight against the Blight. They set out immediately for Denerim, accompanied by the humans they had saved.

It wasn't fair.

No one in the clan, not even Lanaya, had held a good opinion of Zathrian for his actions. They only saw that he'd created the curse and refused to uplift it. That I had died creating a cure that Zathrian already had.

It wasn't fair.

It hadn't been that simple. There had been no reason to believe that Witherfang would keep her word. That the humans would have accepted the truce gracefully. They wouldn't have. It was only the addition of a third neutral party that had resolved the issue.

Only the looming Blight that reinforced the truce.

It wasn't fair.

Zathrian had acted in the best interests of the clan. He had retained the only leverage he had in the situation.

He had taken me in. Raised me. The only one ever to call me ashalan.

He died removing the curse, revoking his vengeance and his immortality, only for the clan. For Thranduil and me.

No one would remember that. Not even the Fade. For there was no memory of anyone seeing his death as a sacrifice.

It wasn't fair. My heart squeezed in pain and I couldn't help the stream of tears running down my face.

I'd find my clan. I would tell them.

My clan was in Denerim. Thranduil was in Denerim. I needed to heal quickly and help them. Protect them.

I turned to Desire, "I'm ready, please, teach me healing magic."

For the first time in years, Desire's dark purple shade lightened to a jam like colour.

"Healing magic needs to be neutral, with no intent. Let the neutral magic permeate the affected area and it will alter to reflect all parts in the area. This helps identify the problem. Infections are categorized by foreign agents, bleeding can be stopped, healing of skin and organs accelerated. Usually injuries and infections can be easily cured, but normal bodily functions that harm are hard to identify unless you've studied anatomy in detail."

I nodded in comprehension. Healing magic was a lot like the raw magic of the Fade. The magic would reflect, but unless you knew what you were doing, the knowledge was useless. Like everything else, this too required practise, knowledge, dedication and a healthy dose of luck.

"Where does spirit healing come into this?"

"We are very acquainted with magic and the shades of intent. Spirit magic can't cure everything, but spirits are skilled in identifying which intents don't align together peacefully and direct healing magic accordingly."

"Anything else?"

Desire gave me a deadpan look, "No, that's all there is to healing magic." Desire rolled its eyes, "Of course not! This is the most basic of lessons! But for your purposes, start practising! Now, in the Fade so I can correct you."

I disengaged my aura from Desire.

Desire was different.

I knew why now. Desire wasn't just a sentient emotion. It was a complex being that gained territory by harvesting one chosen emotion. Desire. The spirits and demons weren't emotions. Not really.

They were a different race.

There was no such thing as spirits and demons. They were beings made of Fade essence. Like how our bodies were made of materials of the Waking. Their intent towards dreamers in the Fade, however, transformed them. Not unlike people. Enemies who attacked us were demons. Friends who helped us were good friends, spirits.

Demon was a Spirit whose purpose was corrupted, indeed.

Desire had been borderline tolerant and even amiable towards me before because it wanted something nefarious from me.

I wasn't surprised.

The Fade suddenly shook, indicating a disruption in my Waking body. I snapped awake, opening my eyes suddenly.

A human man had restrained me, tying my hands to my back with tight knots. I looked up to him in uncomprehending shock.

I had forgotten to put up wards. Rookie mistake. But I had never had to, for I had never been alone before.

"Lookie, another elf! A young Dalish one too by the looks of it!" He kicked me in the stomach and I curled up to avoid further blows.

"Don't damage the goods! She looks barely of age, she'll fetch a good price at the market in Qarinus!" A burly voice rang out in front of me.

Oh, fuck. Slave traders.

Translations:

Erelan: Dreamer, but those who dream normally

Somniari: Dreamer, but those who can interact with easily with the Fade.

Ashalan: Daughter