At The Fringes Of Society

"There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares."

― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway

WARNING: This chapter contains violent descriptions of abuse and rape. Please read ahead at your own risk.

I woke to find my ribs bandaged with the scraps of someone's tunic, likely belonging to one of the dead elves. I healed my arrow wound, letting the neutral magic leak so I could conduct a cursory scan of my body. As I sat up, Duran pushed at my shoulder, encouraging me to lay back down. I shrugged off his arm and sat up, finding everyone crowded around the fire. Unlike the last time we set up camp though, they were all watching me, a mix of caution, fear and gratitude ranging across their faces.

Once my health scan finished, which stated my malnutrition, I started the gulping down the food Duran placed in front of me with my hands, trying to ignore everyone else as had been the norm for the past few days, but their gaze was relentless, making me twitch with their intensity.

I slowly washed my hands with a cleaning charm, trying to delay the inevitable before finally addressing them, "What?"

Duran surveyed the others, giving an expectant look at Fenris. When he refused to answer, Duran placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, "We want to extend our heartfelt apologies for our behaviour before. You saved our lives, da'len." He squeezed my shoulders again, "Thank you."

I evaluated the others' expressions warily, recognizing the reluctant acknowledgement of Duran's statements, "Okay." I responded slowly.

"Your technique," a male dwarf, Kerd, started, interrupting the awkward silence that had fallen, "it looked like the Knight Enchanter discipline."

"It's not," I snapped, but at his recoil I forcibly relaxed, "The Knight Enchanter discipline was stolen from the Emerald Knights of the Dales. We call it the Dirth'ena Enasalin, the Way of the Warrior."

"The Emerald Knights?" Pulai asked, timid curiosity shining in his eyes, "The Chantry says they were warriors who slaughtered many mercilessly."

I sneered, "Of course they did. The Chantry declared war on the Dales for believing in the Creators. For having their own faith. The Chantry declared an Exalted March, and the Emerald Knights fought desperately to defend their home. Wouldn't you fight to save your home?" I spotted the boy's grimace at my condescension and toned it down, "The Way of the Warrior created soldiers who fought with a singular purpose, their mind, spirit and body coalescing to form the perfect soldier. And yet, even higher than their purpose was their sense of honour."

"And I suppose that's why you saved us, for your honour," Marian, the female dwarf who'd knocked me out, interceded, a derisive twist forming in her mouth, "That's the first time I've seen 'honour' used to help someone other than yourself. Honour, pride, noble, they're all just words, innit? They don' actually mean anything to the people using 'em."

"And you're a Dalish mage. What could you possibly know about honour?" Kerd added, clenching his fists, "You were sending all that magic out before the darkspawn attacked, 'tis likely they attacked because of you."

"Are you saying I wanted us to be attacked?!" I snapped, growing defensive at their accusations.

"To be fair, you were releasing a considerable amount of magic today," Fenris added, looking pointedly away from me.

This-this was ridiculous! I didn't do that to attract a darkspawn horde! I wasn't - but had it been my fault? Had I really -

"That's enough." Duran's voice cut through my guilt, "She saved us today. As the Chant states, magic exists to serve man. And she used magic to save us. Let's not forget that." Silence descended on the camp again.

I stared at him in surprise, moved by his words. I hadn't saved them to earn recognition, but it certainly helped that someone was on my side now, particularly in this situation. I had formed a tentative friendship with Duran and Pulai, but the others refused to recognize my help, because they refused to acknowledge me. They didn't want to see me as anything more than the wild hostile Dalish that the Chantry depicted me as, and I was unknowingly feeding the stereotype.

"What happened to our supplies?" I asked hesitantly.

"We managed to salvage a few bed rolls and food, but most of our utensils are gone. We've been reusing the same food bowl for everyone."

My face twisted in disgust at that thought. We didn't even have a supply of drinking water, let alone water for washing, so everyone was sharing utensils unwashed.

"I might have a solution," At Duran's encouraging nod, I continued, "In my clan, we used plates and bowls made from leaves so that they were easily discarded. I can make a few now, if you want?"

"But it might be too dirty-"

I cut off Marian, "I know a water spell for simple cleaning-"

She interrupted me in turn, her green eyes flashing, "No. No more magic."

This was going to be an uphill battle, but one that I would not concede. Not when the solution was so easily available. But Duran intervened, "Do you have another suggestion Marian?"

"Let's continue doing what we've been doing."

I opened my mouth in outrage when I noticed that most of them had nodded along with the suggestion. I turned to Fenris for support, "This is ridiculous!"

"Maybe you need to get used to how normal people do things." He looked away refusing to make eye contact with me.

"Okay then," I huffed, "But you'll excuse me if I continue to practise my own more sanitary habits." I cast Aguamenti to wash the bowl Duran had given me just to prove my point. I stood up, getting ready to go back to sleep when I suddenly remembered the mistake I had made the past few nights.

"I'll also be casting a ward around the camp for protection." When no protests came, I bent at the centre of the camp, drawing the runes for a protection ward around the perimeter of the camp that wouldn't allow anyone to enter or exit. It was easily destroyed but its destruction would wake everyone up.

I lay back down, clenching my fists in frustration. There was no point in arguing with them about their prejudice against magic, not when it was so deeply entrenched. Either way, the Dalish believed in deeds, not words, and I could only show them the usefulness of magic through my actions.

Our journey to Gwaren wasn't seamless; wild starving wolves attacked us, there was the occasional encounter with darkspawn scouts and blighted animals, but we didn't encounter any more hordes.

As expected, the protection provided by the barrier spell warmed Duran, Pulai and two of the dwarves, the male, Olar and a female, Renden to magic, and subsequently to me, but Marian, Kerd and Fenris remained discomfited and cautious.

Desire continued to be absent from the journey. I worried, but dismissed it, wondering if Desire was being petty because I told it to back off for a while. Instead, Valor was a constant companion, only too eager to help me out with anything I asked.

Valor felt like a child, a new spirit, and it made me uncomfortable asking too much of it. Hence, I avoided the Fade, finding it prudent to be vigilant with the party travelling with me.

Despite the growing camaraderie between us, I still felt alone. I missed the easy companionship of my clan, the unconditional love that they had shown me. I felt out of step with the others, who at least had a common faith tying them together. It seemed I was blatantly different from other mages too, even those from Tevinter, for Fenris often stared, perplexed at me, as if I made no sense to him.

A pit of dread and anxiety twisted my stomach at the reminder that I was an outcast, even as I desperately sought companionship with Duran and Fenris. Duran was patient and kind, thankful that I kept an eye on Pulai while Fenris rebuffed any amiable overture I made.

A week later, the walls of Gwaren outlined the horizon, the sound of crashing waves drowning out the hustle of the city. A large contingent of archers became visible on the walls as we grew closer, a platoon of foot soldiers guarding the main gate into the city.

A Chevalier captain approached us, eyeing our gear critically as he evaluated our party. "Stop right there!" He commanded, an arm on his sword in blatant warning.

We halted and Pulai hid behind me as Duran took charge of the group. Fenris accompanied him and an intense discussion began as we watched them from afar.

There was yelling and wild gestures from the captain and a lot of demure nodding from Duran while Fenris glared menacingly at him. Fenris folded his arms defensively and suddenly pointed in my direction. Unease stirred in my gut as the captain turned and gave me an intense once-over.

Fenris and Duran 0nodded curtly and made their way back to us, muttering quietly to each other. "They've granted entry to us, but we only have access to the alienage. The prices for sailing across to the Free Marches is posted on the Docks, but the average cost per passenger is 50 sovereigns."

I nodded in understanding, having expected this. But from the ashen looks of the other party members, they hadn't. As I headed to the gate, Fenris held me back.

"They won't grant Dalish elves entry into the city. They mistook me for one, but when the guard captain ascertained that I "believed" in the Maker, he let me through."

"Why didn't you lie for me?!" I asked, indignant.

"We tried, but he was also particular about mages. You're a Dalish mage, so he was reluctant to grant you entry, but since you're a child, he's willing to admit you into the city if you agree to be taken into the Circle at Denerim."

Denerim. This was an easy route to get to exactly where I wanted to go. But I wouldn't submit to shems, not really.

I made my way to the auburn-haired captain, "I cannot accept your Maker." His face twisted in derision as he moved to unsheathe his sword, "But I do not believe in the Creators either. I don't believe gods exist, not after seeing the Blight." His face softened in understanding and he relaxed as I continued, "I don't mind travelling to Denerim, but I wanted you to know, we spotted a large darkspawn horde heading towards Gwaren."

"We know, we've been getting daily reports, but thank you for informing us."

"Are you evacuating?"

His jaw tightened in frustration, "All noteworthy people have already departed. The rest of us are waiting for the ships to return," His face turned impassive, "You may enter the city as long as you agree to stay within the prisons. All the templars and Chantry Mothers have left, so we can't spare manpower to monitor you. You are a child, the chances of you performing accidental magic and harming someone is high." He stood waiting for my answer and I realized that this was non-negotiable.

"But I am a-!" Fenris covered my mouth with his hand and I startled in surprise, "She accepts. She's a kid, she doesn't know any better."

"What the hell," I wasn't some emotional kid who had no control over magic! I didn't need to be imprisoned! Fenris dragged me away as I struggled to escape his grip.

"If they find out you're a combat capable mage, they'll throw you out!" Fenris released me with a jerk once we were out of hearing distance, "Once the boats arrive, they'll ship you out to Denerim, so just wait it out."

"What if they leave me behind?" Fenris softened at my distress and I pressed my advantage, "If the city gets attacked, I'll be trapped inside the city, and they'll probably just leave me behind. And who knows what kind of people are locked inside the prison?"

Fenris sighed, "I'll come for you." My surprise must have shown because he hastened to explain, "I'll probably be assigned to the last ship, especially since I'm combat capable. When I leave, I'll take you with me."

"Promise me." It didn't mean much, but at least I'd have something to hold on to, if things went south.

Fenris rubbed the back of his head in discomfort before nodding reluctantly, "If you're still in the city when I leave, I'll take you with me."

I stared at him a moment, evaluating his sincerity, before returning the gesture in good faith, "If you're still here when I leave, I'll help too."

Fenris' eyes widened in surprise before he placed an amicable arm on my shoulder, "I've never met someone like you, Erelani. Stay safe."

The guards dragged me away then, and I couldn't help but watch Fenris as they took me away. He never stopped looking back.

The dungeons were damp, filled with the smell of rotting fish, piss and excreta. I gagged unconsciously, and the overwhelming smell settled on my tongue, a nasty toxic taste filling my mouth. I closed my mouth abruptly, covering my nose with the fabric of my tunic as I descended.

"Watch yourself," the captain warned, "If you misbehave or disobey your guards, we'll leave you behind to deal with the Blight."

I nodded guardedly, surprised to find most of the cells empty. "We're busy dealing with the oncoming horde, so we've lumped you together with another prisoner."

"But-" I protested but he cut me off, "You'll be sharing with a female prisoner."

Light from the sun outside faded and the path ahead was lit by torches spaced two metres apart. There were no guards stationed, except at the far end, where a pair of guards were playing a card game on a table under the light of a torch.

The captain led me towards them, "Where is the prisoner?"

"Sleeping, sir." One of them replied, as they both stood to salute the captain.

"Here's another. She's a mage scheduled for transport to Denerim," He sighed, "You're responsible for transporting her when the ships arrive."

"The ship that arrives on the last dock, right?" The captain nodded at the guard who spoke, both their faces hidden behind the shadow of their helmet.

"The other prisoner," One of them started tentatively, "She hasn't been doing well after the ritual that the templars did. Acting very odd."

The captain ran a hand over his exhausted face, "It can't be helped. She either makes it, or she doesn't."

I stiffened at the blatant disregard shown to the prisoner. What was this, a subtle warning to behave properly, or did they truly not care about their prisoners? The captain's complete indifference to my unease answered that.

I followed them quietly, feeling cowed despite myself. Negligence was not just common, but a necessity in this city especially with incoming attack from the horde. The guards could kill me, and I wouldn't even go down as a statistic.

One of the guards opened the cell door and pushed me in, straightening as the captain followed right after.

"I'm not a prisoner!" I argued, unable to keep quiet under such manhandling.

The captain rubbed his forehead, "You are an untrained mage and we can't chance that you'll lose control, not now."

I bit my tongue, remembering Fenris' advice and looked cautiously around the dark cell. There was a large bulking figure huddled in the corner of the cell behind the bed, the darkness of the cell camouflaging any defining features.

"Adaar! This is your cellmate! I don't want any funny business or else I'll leave you behind, understand?"

"Understood, sir." A monotonous voice replied.

The captain turned without another word and left the cell, the clank of his armour echoing through the dungeons until the door slammed shut.

There was silence for a few seconds before the quiet murmur of the guards filled the hallway.

I stood alert, palming the sheets of my bed to find something to defend myself with if my cellmate turned hostile. But there was nothing in this cell except two thin beds and a small chamber pot at the corner. Heart thudding in apprehension, I cleared my throat then addressed my cellmate, "Hello, I'm Erelani Arwen."

"Kaari Adaar, formerly of Valo-kas Mercenaries." The stoic voice responded.

Adaar. The name rang a few bells. I had never met horned people, and meeting one of the Inquisition playable characters caught me off guard.

"Why are you in here?" I asked tentatively.

"Valo-kas mercenary group was hired to protect a group of merchants from any dangers encountered in the Brecilian Forest, including bandits, darkspawn and other hostile parties. Once we reached Gwaren, a Chantry mother took offense to my presence and had me tried. I was found guilty of apostasy and made Tranquil. The Chantry mother wasn't willing to take me along when she left so I've been locked in here since."

What? Adaar was Tranquil? How...was that even possible…?

Tranquil?

I carefully checked the guards outside and found them lounging at the far end, playing at the table next to the exit.

"May I approach you?" At the approving hum, I lit a small flame in my hand and approached her slowly. On Kaari's forehead was a large symbol of the sunburst throne, the sun branding the centre of her C-shaped horns.

"May I touch you?" I asked again, fascinated by the horns sprouting from the sides of Kaari's head.

"No."

I gazed in surprise at the cold refusal and retreated.

Tranquil. What was that really? I extended my mage aura, expecting to find a void, especially since Adaar seemed emotionless.

But Adaar's aura was screaming. The kind of desperate ear-piercing screams that people let out when they realised no one was going to save them.

I recoiled, looking for traces of that anguished suffering on Kaari's face. But her face remained impassive, her fingers tapping tonelessly against the bed frame.

What was going on?

I extended my aura again, only to find the aura still screaming in desperate agony. Conflicted and confused, I bade good night to Kaari and went to sleep.

The Fade was sombre, reflecting the tension and anticipation that hung over the city. I circled around, watching my surroundings but Desire was still absent. Valor strutted towards me, looking eager.

"Ah, Dreamer, welcome back! What activities did you get up to today?"

"I've been locked up in jail."

"For saving all those lives and warning them about the upcoming attack?!" Valor looked taken aback.

Valour's shock reminded me that it was still quite young, "I'm still an untrained mage and they were worried that I might be a risk. So, I agreed to be contained, until provisions could be made."

Valour beamed, "As expected, your valour is commendable, Dreamer. To risk your wellbeing for others is the true mark of valour."

"Just call me Erelani, Valour."

"Oh, how can I?" Valour twittered around, "To receive such an honour, your kindness knows no bounds."

"Have you seen Desire around?"

Valour frowned in confusion, "What business would you have with such an uncouth demon?"

I crossed my hands over my chest, "It's a friend."

"You should be careful, not all spirits should be befriended. If you like, I would be only too happy to fill this most honourable role."

While this helpfulness was welcome, Valour's smarmy behaviour was off-putting.

"Desire!" I called out focusing on my friend. There was no response.

"Spirits can choose to ignore a Dreamer's summons, but to actually follow through," Valour glared in anger, "Such a rare honour, to be summoned by a dreamer for companionship, only to ignore it. Desire!"

Again, no response.

Worry gnawed my stomach as I searched the horizon for any purple forms.

Desire is just playing hard to get. It was just mad. Nothing was wrong.

I focused on Valour to disregard my worry, "Can you see something other than me here," I shifted the scenery to depict my jail as I spoke, "Do you sense someone else here?"

Valour frowned, "I'll try," Valor's aura pulsed multiple times before homing in on the bed, "There's someone on the bed...is that a Tranquil?" Valor recoiled, it's essence twisting in horror.

As Valor focused on Kaari, a faint highlight of the lyrium brand reflected into the Fade. Curious, I prodded the brand as I had Kaari's aura in the Waking. High pitched screaming surrounded the Fade, momentarily depicting Kaari's spirit trapped inside the lyrium brand, banging desperately against the cage and clawing desperately to reach back into her body before the image disappeared.

My knees became weak, and I collapsed to the ground, losing all control of my Fadescape. The image had dissipated, yet I couldn't remove my eyes from the place where the horrifying image had sprung forth, resulting in wisps re-enacting the scene over and over.

This was heartless. Callous. Truly cold-blooded and cruel.

Tranquillity was a breach of the most fundamental right, your ability to feel.

It was to rob someone of their spirit, so they had no emotions left. How could a person with no emotions differentiate between good and bad when morality was defined through empathy?

Emotions!

Emotions were the basis of living; they were the foundation of experience, memory and personality. That's what the spirit was: the sum of your emotions and your reactions which made your personality. Without them, there was no distinguishing good from bad, only the logics of survival. A virus had the logics of survival. Without spirit, there was no higher mental activity, no way to realize if you were happy or sad, loving or hateful, glad or angry and therefore no true ability to give consent.

My hands shook, fear flooding me. I was under threat of Tranquility from the Chantry if I misbehaved, and being a Dalish mage, there wouldn't be any mercy.

No. No. No. Please, no. What did I get myself into? I don't want anything to do with humans, not when they consciously and gleefully robbed people of their soul.

Out. I need to get out! I'd make my own way to Denerim.

No, I couldn't go to the shem city of Denerim. I needed my clan. My people.

Humans were monsters.

I'm sorry, Thranduil. I can't face humans, not alone. I'm not kind, pretty or gracious. My only virtue, my intellect, will be my ruin if I follow you to Denerim.

I'm so sorry.

I stayed as far away from Kaari Adaar as possible inside the cell. Kaari didn't notice nor care, staring listlessly at the ceiling.

She displayed no signs of boredom.

I shuddered, trying desperately to ignore her by Dreaming, but I only received food if I was awake, so I couldn't completely escape the horror of her company.

Four days passed before the social isolation made me converse with the guards, still refusing to acknowledge Adaar.

Both guards sounded young, but the older one refused to engage me, looking away every time I tried. The younger one showed no such hesitation.

"I'm Colen! The other guy, Max, he and I are squires for Templars now! We haven't decided if we want to be a Chevalier or Templar yet, so this guard duty is supposed to be a temporary thing."

I nodded, surprised by the cracking of his voice at the end, "When did you join?"

"It hasn't been long for me, just five years. I train every day. But Max has been at this for ten years! He's really good too, and from a noble family. He's set to be a captain in a few years, whatever he chooses." Colen moaned in envy, "Some people have all the luck!"

"Where's he now?" I asked, growing curious despite myself.

"He's off to grab some lunch. There's no point to both of us staying here, all the time. These cells are empty 'cept for the two of ya."

Colen moved closer to the bars, eyes shining in curiosity behind his helmet, "Is it true what they say about those Tranquil types?"

"What do they say?" My guard rose as I noticed Adaar tilting her head towards us.

"They do whatever you tell them to. Can you imagine what all you can do with that?" His fevered breathing told me exactly what he was thinking about. I remained silent, unwilling to continue this conversation and growing wary of the older teenager as the gap in the power between us was highlighted. My silence didn't dissuade him, "Look at all that woman! Just one meal a day and she's still got a bountiful-" He made a lewd gesture with his hands while he cupped his chest.

I retreated, dread growing as Colen turned to appraise me, "Not too bad yourself, though you look like a boy. But her, now I just can't get my mind off-" He made an obscene sound, cupping himself. "You, Adaar!"

I closed my eyes, unwilling to witness the horrible abuse that was about to happen. I heard Adaar get up and approach the bars.

"Yes?"

"Take off your clothes and face me." Colen ordered.

"No."

My eyes opened in surprise at the stern refusal. For the first time, I truly saw her, the towering Vashoth who gazed emotionlessly down at the scrawny guard trying to abuse her.

"Do as you are told or else!"

"Or else what?"

Colen retreated, growing angry and discomfited at the unexpected resistance, "You're nothing but a savage, aren't ya? If you can suck me good, I'll take you everywhere with me, but you have to be really good."

I watched her, hoping and praying to every possible god that she could detect the dishonesty and lechery that coated his oily words.

"No. I refuse."

I stared, stunned. Adaar refused Colen. She had the capacity to detect deceit.

"You refuse?!" Colen shook the bars violently, "Get on your knees right now or else I'll tell the others you misbehaved, and have you put down like the savage that you are."

Adaar kneeled.

I closed my eyes, pressing my hands desperately against my ears to ignore the sounds that followed.

Colen became arrogant. He was a hormonal teenager that had power over two females. He grew tired of Adaar's unresponsiveness. He turned his attentions to me.

Every time he bargained or cajoled, I turned a deaf ear, looking placidly at the opposite wall. Despite my resolve to never submit, my fear and anxiety grew every minute, aware that the situation could escalate any second.

The only reprieve I had was when the second guard, Max, was around as Colen behaved around him. But Colen had a plan for that too.

"Are you worried you'll never get out, Max?"

"Why?"

"The horde is heading towards the city yet there are no ships in the horizon. Aren't you worried?"

"If the Maker wills it, we will get out of this alive."

"Maybe you could ask for an update? You know people, and they'll answer to you. It's not like this is a difficult job, these two prisoners are really mild, the worst they do is try to chat you up." Max turned to face Colen, his head tilting in consideration, "it'll give me peace of mind. Please Maxie, get an update from the captain."

Max sighed, then took out the keys, handing it to Colen, "Be careful, and don't engage them."

Colen nodded, watching Max stroll up the stairs and leave the dungeon. He turned to me, tossing the keys in the air as he spoke, "So how about it? You and I have some free time. Entertain me, and I'll make sure you're aboard the first ship that arrives."

I looked away, fully aware that he had no such power, "Keep ignoring me, and I'll tell the captain how uncooperative you've been."

I kept silent yet again, choosing to stare at Adaar's horns instead, "Hahaha," the gate clicked as the door unlocked, "Let's see how quiet you can be when I'm fucking you."

Fear tightened my chest, and my gaze darted around desperately. It landed on Adaar who was watching the exchange intently, hiding behind the railings of the bed. She met my gaze and mouthed something, but it was lost to the darkness.

A hand landed on my shoulder, but I jerked it and swatted his arm away. He reversed my grip, tightening his hold on my wrist painfully. I kicked him, struggling to think through the panic but he was training to be a professional warrior. I was powerless against his absolute strength, and he restrained me quickly despite my struggles, crossing my arms painfully across my back before slamming me against the wall.

I won't submit, never!

But even as I called my magic, the consequences of killing him was only too obvious. If I killed him and Max discovered his body, I would become the enemy. It wouldn't matter that Colen had taken advantage of me because I meant nothing. Because Adaar meant nothing.

The image of Adaar mouthing a word came to mind. Endure. If I kept quiet, endured, then I would be free, eventually.

Colen tore my pants with the other hand and I abruptly realized that I couldn't endure this violation. I continued to struggle, kicking backwards with my legs as he reached out to grope my chest, "Tch, nothing here." The cruel handling made me cry out in pain, and the sheer revulsion his touch incited, made me gag.

As I gagged, he threw me violently towards the ground, offended, and I banged my head hard against the floor, seeing stars.

He stalked towards me, only his demonic grin visible under his helmet. I kicked his knees repeatedly each time he approached, gaining some ground, but he eventually caught one ankle then the other, holding them apart until my inner thigh muscles tore at the strain. I screamed, feeling my torn muscles grind against the bone.

"Like that, do you?"

He stomped on my vagina with his greaves and I screamed again, feeling blood trickle down.

This was too much. Escape, I needed to escape.

I closed my eyes.

Fear, Terror and Rage stood around me. I looked around desperately for Valor or even Desire, but they were missing.

You can't do this alone. I can help you strike Terror into his heart. He deserves it, for does he not inspire the same in return?

You're scared. Trapped. Alone. No one's going to help you, except me. Us. Trust us.

How dare they do this? You aren't a prisoner! You surrendered willingly, and this is how they repay it? They should burn!

No, I had to endure. Endure. Don't submit. Not to anyone.

We aren't asking you to submit. Fear. But you need to act out. The answer to fear is fear. He'll stop hurting you, once he's afraid of you.

Fight back. Rage. Burn him. Feel me and know my intentions. He is the monster, not me.

You aren't alone. Terror. We are with you. In your terror, fear and rage, we will always be with you. Fight back. Let us help you.

The most horrifying part of it was that they were in earnest. They wanted to help me. But it came with a price. Magic always came at a price.

Desire! Valor!

There was no answer.

I was ripped from my dreaming when I felt something prod against my nether regions.

I tried to headbutt him, but he slammed my face to the floor. He reared back.

I screamed.

In our struggle, he'd penetrated the wrong hole. He'd ripped open my rectal canal and I could feel the blood flow rapidly through the penetration.

He ignored the blood, pulling my hair as he laughed out his victory.

Something inside me died.

"Will you keep quiet again? Or will you answer me when spoken to, like the obedient elf that you are."

Rage was right. Fear was right. Terror was right.

Help me, please.

Even as I felt my magic surge, there was a repelling pushback.

What did you do?!

And just as suddenly Desire was back. There was a moment of intense quiet, before it spoke,

Play the game. Rip him to pieces then put him back together. Have you learnt nothing from me?

As if Desire was guiding me, I thrust back, surprising him enough to stop, before I launched forward, my hair tearing as I rolled away from his grip.

He followed, placing a restraining hand on my diaphragm, pressing hard until I was gasping for breath.

For a moment, I saw red. Then I looked up to see a gaping scar across his chest, cutting across his nipples. Blood dripped onto my face, and he looked down, shocked at the attack.

I took advantage of his confusion and spawned another blade aiming it exactly where it would hurt most.

I slashed haphazardly across his hardened appendage.

There was a high-pitched scream and blood started gushing out. He rolled around the floor, screaming in anguish, and yet all I could do was stare.

"You'll pay for this! I'll have you hanged! I'll kill every last one of your kind!"

And somehow that brought me out of my shock. I stepped forward, and stomped mercilessly on the hand covering his bleeding genitalia, "Like that, do you?"

He screamed until his voice gave out, and when it did, I slammed his head down to knock him out.

"Heal him." I turned to glare at Adaar, "Heal him enough so that we aren't under suspicion. Do you know how to heal?"

I took a deep breath, desperately trying to calm down. My hands were shaking, yet I wasn't angry or terrified or gleeful. I didn't know how I felt.

I don't want to heal him. Not after what he did. But Desire was right.

I needed to play the game. The key to success lay in perception. Colen could accuse us all he wanted, but if he had no proof, then we were safe.

I sat down and started to heal him.

I opened the door as Adaar carried him out, laying him out on the dungeon floor. I cast a cleaning charm on his armour to remove the blood stains, then turned up to look at Adaar.

"What do you want to do?"

"Go back. There is no escape from here except through the ships, and the only way to get access, is through the captain."

I let out a sigh, before walking back into the cell. I locked it before levitating the keys back to where Colen lay, a few metres from the dungeon exit.

"And now we wait."

Max returned first, "Lazy, good for nothing Colen. Says he's worried, but sleeps like a log. Wake up. Up!"

Colen startled awake, but bent over in pain, "That fucking bitch. I'll make her pay."

"What is it? What happened?"

Colen's face twisted for a moment before he continued, "That elven bitch attacked me! See!" He pulled off his armour and gestured wildly at his shirt.

Max's face tilted in confusion, "You sure you weren't dreaming, mate? There's nothing there."

"What do you mean, nothing there! It hurts like a bitch!"

The side effects of healing: the pain doesn't go away, not until the foreign healing agents disappear from the body. And psychosomatic pains will persist.

Colen looked down, uncomprehending. He raised his head, then looked around, bewildered, "How did I get here? I was inside- standing guard at the cell!"

Max rolled his eyes, "Sure you were."

"No!" Colen yelled, "That elven girl attacked me! She, she was begging for my attention and suddenly she attacked me!

Max frowned, "Are you trying to tell me that little elven girl overpowered you, lay you down here and went back into her cell? Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"

"She did! She lured me inside and attacked me!"

Max frowned, then turned to look at Adaar and me, locked inside the cell. We gave befuddled looks as we had practised.

"It seems you really were worried about leaving Gwaren, if you're dreaming about locked prisoners attacking you. Take a few days off Colen. I can take it from here. The ships should be arriving soon."

Colen turned, glaring at the two of us. He opened his mouth, but seemed to think better of it, storming out.

I turned away, hiding my tears of relief.

I hated humans. All of them. My trauma demonised them all, and while I was aware of this, I made no move to fix it.

Why?

Because I hated them.

My suffering had been pointless. All because one racist human boy couldn't control his urges or handle his responsibility. Having Max as a contrast didn't help.

I was painfully aware that bringing his partner's misbehaviour to light would yield nothing. Honour, pride and nobility were only words, after all, especially to humans.

Perhaps the worst was myself. I hadn't moved to help Adaar from her plight until it had directly affected me. Marian had been right, honour had just been a word to me. And under my own definition, Adaar was helpless and in need of saving.

But Adaar was logical about the experience, "The lesson to take away is this, do not blindly trust those who have power over you. Be resourceful. Also, power corrupts. And teenagers should never have power."

Her words helped, but they also made everything worse.

My guilt towards her pushed me to heal her, fixing all the bruises inflicted by Colen. Unfortunately, while my wounds had healed quickly, the damage Colen had done Adaar took multiple healing sessions, largely because I had no understanding of Kaari's anatomy.

As reluctant as it was, I felt a form of kinship with Kaari. We were both outsiders in this city, and had undergone trauma at the hands of the same abuser.

My guilt made me wonder if I could reverse her Tranquillity.

I started researching the Fade.

Two days later, Fenris stopped by, "I arranged transport. It's not through conventional means, but we can get out of Gwaren."

I turned to Max, who was watching all of us cautiously, "What about the captain?"

Fenris noticed my gaze and turned to the guard, "I'm sure he'll be relieved that he doesn't have to arrange transport for a prisoner."

Max scrutinized all of us before nodding slowly, "I'll talk to the captain."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and with a guilty start, I turned to Kaari. If I left her here, she would be alone, raped repeatedly by humans fascinated by a female Qunari.

"We can take Adaar with us too, right?"

Fenris turned in surprise, regarding Kaari intently as his gaze travelled up and down. He spoke a few rubbish words, but she shrugged, "I am Vashoth. A mercenary. I do not speak that tongue."

Fenris sighed, "Why her too?"

"She's Tranquil. She'll be left behind, otherwise."

Fenris rubbed his forehead, "Fine, bring her along too." He turned to the guard, "Please let your captain know of the situation."

Max nodded, then opened the cell gate. As I brushed past him, he stopped me, "I know what you did to Colen."

I froze, unguarded against the sudden accusation. He squeezed my shoulder, "I let it pass since you two weren't genuine prisoners and because Colen was wrong." The squeeze turned painful, "But if I catch you using such magic again, I will hunt you down."

"And who is it that I should watch out for?"

"Maxwell Trevelyan."

And again, the bottom of my stomach disappeared. Three important Dragon Age characters were right before me.

But it didn't matter. Not really.

"Just so we're on the same page, if your colleagues abuse their power, it also falls to you to correct that behaviour, doesn't it? So why didn't you stop Colen?" I stared intently at him, waiting for his response.

Maxwell clenched his jaw.

"An elf and tal-vashoth weren't worth the effort then? Despite being innocent, in your own words?"

"Colen is a good soldier."

"Is he? You have the audacity to stand before me and defend his actions, call him a good soldier, despite all that he has done? And you're going to hunt me down? For what, defending myself? Or healing an injured innocent?"

A slap resonated across the dungeons, my face turning from the force.

"Mind your place, elf."

I grabbed Maxwell's offending hand and squeezed but Fenris grabbed me, pulling me back, "Let it go, Erelani. If you hit him, you'll be thrown in prison."

I struggled, fuming in rage, how dare he slap me? I couldn't hit him? Then words it was, "Trevelyan, huh? You might call yourself noble, but your actions are anything but, Trevelyan." To add salt to the wound, "May the Maker abandon you and your unholy ways!"

Maxwell stormed towards me, but Adaar pushed the dungeon door open and dragged the both Fenris and I through.

"Control yourself, Erelani!" Fenris rebuked, "Why are you raging? I don't want to deal with an abomination, calm down!"

I shrugged off his grip and stormed out of the cell but halted when I realized I had no idea where I was going. Fenris followed, but sighed, "Calm down."

Those words enraged me further. If only he knew.

And why shouldn't he? "Colen, that guard's partner assaulted us, raped us."

Fenris froze, his face growing darker, "What?" He growled.

Adaar stepped between us, "That's enough. Our primary objective is to leave this city as soon as possible."

Fenris snarled, but clenched his fist, trying to control himself, "Right! This way."

He guided us through the winding streets of Gwaren until we reached the docks. A small ship was anchored, a feeble bridge connecting the ship to the harbour.

A red-headed dwarf stood on the bridge, gazing cautiously around the harbour. Once he spotted the three of us, he gestured towards the ship and retreated inside.

"That's the ship, then?" I asked, my anger fading.

"Yes, it's headed to Ostwick, in the Free Marches."

I nodded and climbed aboard the ship. It was quaint, a large sail descending from the top mast, the captain's cabin situated right under the wheel.

"Into the hol', the lot of ya! Hurry up, we're set to sail at dusk!"

I shifted uncomfortably, unaware of what he was talking about, until Fenris grabbed the back of my tunic, "This way, come on, hurry up!"

He led Kaari and I to a hatch that he pulled up, ushering us down the stairs into the darkness below. I turned around, inspecting the interiors of the boat. It seemed so flimsy that I wasn't sure it would last long in a storm.

Once Fenris joined Adaar and I, we followed him into a dimly shining corner, staring fascinatedly at the structures around us.

"Well, here we are. To a good tomorrow!" Fenris exulted, and the dim blue light lit his smile, giving his markings and smile an ethereal glow. I grinned in return.

"What's this?" Adaar's voice rang out and I turned to look where she pointed. The dim blue light was coming from a blue glass mounted against the wall.

Fascinated, I moved closer, pressing my hands into the glass. As I reached the edge, my hands met etched wood, carved with several animal shapes.

A growing suspicion had me backing away, taking the glowing glass in its entirety. The glass was shaped like a dome, the darkness hiding the shape of the wood. I conjured a ball of fire, and held it up.

Standing in front of me was a dome shaped glass, framed by dark ebony wood etched with spectacular animal carvings.

It was an Eluvian.