Labour Of Love

Love is the most powerful emotion, and that makes it the most dangerous. - Anonymous

A volley of arrows headed straight for Desire.

Shield!

A bright blue light encased Desire and it turned, looking for the source of the spell, before its gaze locked on me.

"Desire is mine, Pride is yours." I ordered Cassandra but Leliana caught me before I could Fade-step across the field.

Leliana frowned, "You can't be serious, alone?"

Cassandra passed me a quick assessing glance, "She can do it."

Leliana shot an arrow at a passing wraith, "We can't risk her life-,"

"I can do it." I interrupted, then cut through two Shades that blocked my way before finally reaching Desire.

"This is a new level of stupidity, even for you. You, fighting me alone?"

"You know very well I'm not here to fight you," I stretched my aura out without hesitation and caught Desire in its web, "Move right." I stabbed to its left.

I couldn't pretend I wasn't fighting Desire, because we'd both end up dead.

"Which is why this is stupid. Get out of my way."

"No. Go back, you need to go back!" Desire lifted a lazy hand to block the swing heading for its shoulder, "Desire, do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Yes, I am finally free. I finally have what I've always desired! Get of my way, Erelani, I won't ask again."

Yells and shrieks echoed through the battlefield, "No, this isn't going to work! They're not going to let you walk out of here alive! You know exactly what humans are like! Now isn't the time to do this! Go back!"

"And when is the right time? When won't I be hunted, enslaved or demeaned for being what I am? This seems like as good a time as any."

"Fuck, you have to go back! Not now, not now!"

"Erelani! We can't pierce through the Pride demon's guard! What do we do?" Eldric's voice rang across the clearing, distracting me.

"You must disrupt the rift!" My eyes fell on Solas, wordlessly conveying my confusion.

Disrupt? How the hell was I supposed to do that?!

He fade-stepped across the battlefield and materialized three feet from me.

There was mocking laughter from behind me and I glanced at Desire, finding its gaze riveted on Solas.

"My, my, how the mighty have fallen."

As if in slow motion, I saw Solas cast Winter's Grasp on Desire, before stabbing the blade of his staff straight at Desire.

I moved and felt the force of his blow break through my protective barrier and pierce through my abdomen.

He froze, horrified shock decorating his features, "What? Why?"

I stared at the blade protruding from my abdomen and up the staff, to the hands frozen in shock.

I grabbed one end and jerked it out, ignoring the blood spurting out of the open wound. I held out my left arm, "Disrupt the rift."

His stunned gaze moved to my wound before returning to my hand, then my face, before his shock disappeared behind a mask of impassivity.

His hand circled my wrist, jerking me forward as the entity sprang forth, but rather than circling clockwise or anti-clockwise, it blocked the flow of the Fade, like placing a finger on a full powered hose and unfortunately, just as weak. There was a sudden wave of not magic that dispelled any residual magic in the area. A calm descended.

It was almost like there was equilibrium at the rift, no outburst from either end, but the temporary calm in the fabric of the rift also made it easier for more spirits to pass through.

He disengaged, pulling my arm back before letting go completely. He turned to me, his hands reaching out for my wound, but I cut him off, "Pride is the greater demon, I can handle Desire."

He ran a measuring gaze over me, then turned a quick glance to the battlefield behind him, where Pride was kneeling, stunned, "The others are handling Pride well. You are the one in need of help."

I grit my teeth, before running a healing hand over my abdominal wound. With Desire defrosting by the second, Solas would spare no opportunity in trying to kill it, especially since Desire had recognised him.

The time to reason with Desire was gone. If I didn't do something now, it was going to be killed.

Desire, who had been horrible, tortured me with endless demons, but still, never left me alone. Desire, who had saved me, even when I didn't want to be saved. Who forced me to get up. Badgered me, manipulated me, even mentally abused me until it got what it wanted. Until I got what I wanted.

Desire was never going to forgive me.

Desire broke free, shattering the ice encasing it before aiming those shards straight at Solas. He dodged and sent Flashfire straight back.

I extended my aura to Desire again and bound it with magical rope.

Desire turned to me, stunned, betrayal flowing through our connection.

I heaved, aiming straight for the rift, hoping, praying that I could throw Desire straight through it, but Desire read my intent even before it passed through our link.

It jerked the rope, twisting the momentum until it landed on a rock jutting out next to the rift.

"Not bad, Erelani. But the only way I'll pass back into the Fade is through my remains."

I injected urgency into our connection, "Not going to happen. Even if you hate me afterwards, I can't let you do this. They're going to kill you."

"Then I'll die free. Whole. That is my choice."

A barrage of lightning struck Desire, and it started seizing uncontrollably. I turned, and found Solas with a pitiless expression, his hand encased in a sphere of lightning.

"Erelani needs help! Desire is still standing!" Ellana called out, and my head twisted, finding Pride dissolving into fade essence that evaporated away. Most of the soldiers engaged the remaining Shades, but the Valo-kas mercenaries turned as one towards me.

A shriek from Desire had me turning and I watched it fall to its knees, shuddering violently despite the spell dissipating. It coughed, spitting out black ichor before giving Solas a crazed grin, "That was a nice warm up. Try lasting a little longer, baby."

Desire called forth vines to trap Solas but he burned through them all, casting multiple spells its way. I stayed rooted to my spot, unable to move.

Kill Desire or die protecting it thereby letting the world burn from my absence.

The choice should have been obvious.

I couldn't look away from Desire, even as it dodged the spells Solas sent its way. Thranduil, Kaari, Ellana and Eldric joined in, Kaari casting Ice Mines everywhere to trap it, but remarkably Desire evaded them all.

Then Thranduil fade-stepped, swinging his spirit blade into Desire's path as it dodged Solas' Flashfire. His sword slashed through Desire's middle, the force punting it against the rocks near the rift. Thranduil advanced, his sword held high.

Desire's gaze moved from him to me.

The choice should have been obvious. But it wasn't, not to me.

As Thranduil's sword descended in an arc, my body moved, fade-stepping faster than I ever had before, my own spirit blade clashing against his as I intercepted his blade.

"Erelani! What are you doing?!" Thranduil retreated, his face alarmed.

"I believe she has been…bewitched. She interrupted a decisive blow once before," Solas advanced menacingly, standing ready to attack.

I lowered my blade, my gaze sweeping over the carnage around us. The rift was still disrupted, the block holding but it was fading fast.

Try again, one more time.

My aura reached out to Desire again, and its blinding pain and shock filtered through to me.

"Go back, please. I am begging you, go back."

"No. I would rather die."

And the truth of that resonated through our connection. I turned towards it, holding my blade ready, and met its unrelenting red gaze burning in challenge.

"Okay, then."

I raised my blade and even as Desire flinched, betrayal, disappointment and a resigned knowing flowing through its aura, I knew I was utterly defeated.

There was no possible way I could kill someone I loved.

I was going to die protecting Desire. Resignation flowed through me as dismayed exclamations from Ellana, Kaari and Eldric rang out. I turned to face Thranduil's horrified face, resolutely ignoring everyone else, "I'm sorry, Thranduil but no, not Desire."

There was no way I was going to be able to hurt any of them. The only option left was to provide a suitable distraction so that Desire could escape, and then let Thranduil kill me so that the blame, for all of it, could fall upon me.

Valo-kas could be vindicated and I would die protecting the people I loved while upholding my promise.

Then the world would burn.

For all the knowledge and experience I possessed as a warrior, I was an idiot. Desire had never shown any love towards me and only kept me around because I served an unknown purpose, and here I was, sacrificing myself to save someone who didn't love me in return.

But love doesn't work like that. You never love someone with the condition they love you back; you try but that love doesn't just disappear because its unrequited.

"Erelani, don't do this, please," Thranduil pleaded, his voice catching, "Desire isn't worth this. Step away, we have to close the Breach. You have to close the Breach."

"Then let Desire walk away, unharmed."

Thranduil's face contorted, before he turned to look at the others. I ignored Ellana's distress as she shook her head.

"Fuck, you can't be serious," Eldric swore, "Let a Desire demon go free?"

"What's going on here?" Cassandra joined us, confusion ringing in her voice, "Why hasn't the demon been killed? It's bleeding!"

A tense silence descended, and Ellana exchanged fearful looks with the others.

Thranduil's features twisted in pain before becoming impassive and I guessed his words before he spoke, "Erelani refuses to kill the demon."

"What?!" Her voice rang with shock and fury, "Has she been bewitched?!"

Thranduil's gaze bore into me. I knew what he was trying to convey: this was my last chance to save the world, save myself.

But what awaited me at the end of this? Valo-kas survivors executed by the Chantry? An impossible task with no rewards?

More oppression? More hatred?

With the Conclave explosion, the world was going to change, but not really. The nobles would still stomp all over the poor. The mages would continue to be mistreated for their talent. The elves would still be powerless servile non-citizens.

I'd rather die protecting the people I loved, than kill them to save a thankless world.

I shook my head at Thranduil, "It's better if you kill me."

Cassandra roared in rage before charging towards me, Solas casting a barrier over her. The others remained frozen, watching in horror.
Resignation flowed through my link with Desire before it connected its own aura with mine, the connection singing for a moment before strong pink light lit the surroundings.

Desire cast a mind-blast, pushing Cassandra back before flower petals started descending all around us.

What the fuck.

Everyone froze at the spectacle, staring in befuddlement at the different petals hitting the floor.

I turned to Desire, and my eyes widened in shock. Desire was incandescent: strong sharp pink suffused its body while golden light emanated from its eyes.

I could feel its glee as it took in my stupendous shock and it spoke through our mental link, "Don't disengage your aura. I can only hold this form because I'm feeding from our combined intents towards each other. Otherwise the intents of others will pollute my form. Now, watch and learn why desire is the most powerful emotion."

The fallen petals started glowing and a feeling of intense love, of desire, permeated the battlefield, and everyone, everyone, stopped fighting.

"Why," Desire's voice reverberated with devastating heartbreak, "Why is protecting someone wrong? Why is staying your blade a misjudgement? Why must we always fight? Don't you feel love? Where is your love?" The intensity of the emotion increased, and I glanced at Thranduil who was gripping Ellana desperately, "Erelani, my sweet noble Erelani, everything you do, from protecting me, protecting your family, even protecting those who condemn you, is with a passionate love that even gods can't deny." A shiver of mischief came through, "And now, you have been chosen. The fate of the world lies in your hands and there is no one better. The gods are watching, Erelani, and you have my blessing."

My jaw dropped, unable to believe Desire was capable of such behaviour. It winked once, before there was a bright flash of golden light, Desire disappearing into the rift.

That was one of the shittiest tricks I had ever seen Desire play. It was paltry, and no one, no one, could fall for such an idiotic con. 'Desire is the most powerful emotion,' what bullshit.

Well, of course. Desire had made a measly attempt to save my life, then bailed on me as usual, leaving me to deal with the aftermath of its mistakes.

That was nothing new.

Suddenly there was a huge wave of incoherent yelling and I flinched, casting a quick barrier upon myself, warily gazing upon everyone around me. People were suddenly beating their chests, wailing in despair or joy I couldn't tell, a sudden madness overcoming them.

I retreated warily, afraid of their retribution, but a hand on my back stopped me. I turned to find Solas at my back and I looked up, anxiety building as I met his calculating gaze,

"Close the rift."

The command in his voice was unmistakeable as was the underlying threat. My gaze fell on Thranduil, who was watching with a cautious frown.

I took a deep breath, my gaze sweeping over Leliana, Cassandra, Varric and countless other soldiers, who all turned, facing me.

I extended my left arm, and even as the entity came out, I knew I wasn't going to be able to close the Breach. The tear was too large and the mana I had too little. The only thing I could do was patch up the ends of the tear so that it would stop expanding, exerting more energy to strengthen the Veil around it.

My mana drained drastically, but I soldiered on, fearing the hand at my back. Spots dotted my vision, and still I pushed, afraid of what would happen if I didn't succeed.

There was a sudden explosion of anti-magic and I staggered, falling unconscious, unable to call for help as Solas' hands descended upon me.

The Dread Wolf had finally caught me.

I jolted awake and a bearded human held me down.

Fuck, shems, there were only shems all around me. I struggled desperately, outraged and scared, fighting the man's grip with all the strength I had, which was admittedly abysmal.

A woman garbed in Chantry robes brought a sheet of cloth and cupped it over my nose and mouth, forcing me to inhale the fumes. I recognised the scent: it was a mix of black lotus and dawn lotus, used as a strong anaesthetic to induce a temporary coma.

What were they doing?! What was going to happen to –

A repetitive rocking motion brought me awake and I shot my eyes open, frantically looking around me.

Thranduil was carrying me bridal style, keeping a cautious watch while holding me in a protective grip.

This…was a good dream.

I relaxed, and let my eyes drift close.

Desire stood in front of me, looking concerned.

Well, that was a first.

"Want to explain yourself? Or do you want to be banished from me forever?"

Desire's concern faded, a sneer gracing its face, "Believe it or not, not everything is about you."

"Oh, is that so? That's not what you said though, I believe it was," A cruel mocking edge came over my voice, "The fate of the world lies in your hands, and there is no better."

Desire smirked, "Don't act like my performance didn't save our lives."

"Not in the mood for our banter today. Explain yourself, Desire, you nearly got me, you, killed." I held my aura tight around me, maintaining an impassive uncompromising atmosphere.

Desire grit its teeth, "As inconvenient as my desires are to you, I will never stop fighting for them. Don't blame me for your misfortune. I told you to stay away from the Conclave, but you ended up there anyway. I never asked you to save me or choose my wellbeing over the others."

A heavy weight settled in me at Desire's words and even Desire seemed to realize that it had crossed a line.

Desire's face contorted in remorse, but no apology came forth.

I wasn't surprised. This was just routine.

"Why are you here?"

There was a long pause, and Desire looked around cautiously, "There's another Dreamer in the vicinity."

Apprehension blossomed at those words and I feared Desire would take his name, thereby giving him access into my domain. Even though I couldn't kill Desire, I still didn't trust it, "Friendly or hostile?"

Desire gave me a measuring glance, "Not sure. But I think he's looking for me, and if he finds me, he might kill me."

"Who wouldn't? Aren't I the only fool who entertains you and your atrocious behaviour?" I joked, purposely making light of a bad situation.

Desire didn't go through its usual arrogant routine, "For your own sake, deny any connections you have with me to anyone who asks."

"Too little, too late. Everyone saw what happened at the Breach." I couldn't hide the flash of resentment that went through me, because being a spirit sympathiser was among the worst crimes in Thedas and being sympathetic to any Desire spirit was considered the height of insanity.

Sometimes, it made sense.

Desire stood in silence, passing me an assessing glance. Its stance suddenly stiffened, "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

I started laughing, unable to control the waves of humour that hit me. After more than two decades of unwanted badgering and mental abuse, Desire had finally gotten a clue.

What a selfish creature.

Desire never cared about anything except its own agenda. That it even showed such consideration was a growth of phenomenal proportions.

I stopped laughing, shaking my head in amusement, "You're fine, Desire. I am proud of you though, you grew a little today."

I sniggered, and Desire vibrated in annoyance, "I'm going to see the other Dreamer."

Alarm wiped any lingering trace of humour, "What? Why would you do that?"

"My goals are my own. I might not be around for a while. Don't freak out like you did last time."

"Seeing greener grass are you?" I mocked, trying to hide my apprehension and wariness, "Well, shoo, go on now, I know I can't stop you, now that you've found fertile fields to plant your goals in."

Desire scoffed before staring intensely at me, "What do you remember from the Conclave?"

I stiffened, dropping all pretences, "Nothing. Why, do you know something?"

Desire advanced, probing with its aura to verify the truth of my statement, and I let it, "Do you know something about what happened?"

Desire shook its head, "I wasn't in the vicinity when the explosion occurred, but there have been…rumours. I wasn't lying before, Erelani, not completely. The gods are watching. Be careful."

With that cryptic statement, Desire disappeared from my domain.

If I had been any other idiot, I would have taken the last comment as some evidence of divinity. But I took it as the warning that Desire had intended.

Desire knew a whole lot more than it was saying. I knew that.

Disappointment unfurled in the pit of my stomach, anger and despair following doggedly.

Why? Why, even after everything I did for Desire, why didn't it trust me? Why didn't it love me? Why couldn't I just walk away?

This wasn't right. One-sided love and devotion like this wasn't healthy.

I was just damn lucky that I already knew everything Desire hadn't said.

Doubt pooled in. Or did I?

I opened my eyes, finding the darkness of night outside the window. The familiar weight of a body curled around me had me identifying Kaari, while rhythmic snores had me attuning to Eldric's presence two feet below me. I sat up quietly, finding Thranduil and Ellana curled up on separate blankets on the floor.

That's odd.

I dismissed that thought, taking stock of the small cabin that all of Valo-kas had been squeezed into. As I tiptoed across the room, a hand grabbed my left knee, forcing me to stop.

Looking down, I found Thranduil watching me and he gestured for me to wait outside the cabin. Dreading the conversation that would follow, I waited outside, trying to ignore the elves that stopped to stare at me while doing their early dawn chores.

We climbed the cabin, settling on the roof to get some privacy. Thranduil surveyed the surroundings before scooting close.

"We're still alive," My voice conveyed my bewildered confusion. Nothing had gone as I expected, nothing.

"Not without some effort," he seemed to be weighing a decision before sighing, "You were kidnapped while you were incapacitated by…devout Andrastians. Fortunately, the alarms were raised, and the offenders were apprehended."

"You saved me," I couldn't hide the smile that spread across my face and his arm landed across my shoulders.

"Of course I did."

"Thranduil, at the Breach-,"

"Shsh, it's okay," I stared befuddled at his resigned expression, "I knew what you were thinking, give me some credit. Despite what you think, I do know you, Erelani."

And this is why I love him. He knows me inside and out, the ugliness of my heart, and he loves me anyway.

"Just don't do that again. Don't choose Desire over me again. Not when Desire doesn't care about you. Not when it's been tormenting you for years."

I sighed, neglecting to explain that I hadn't really chosen between them. I'd just wanted everyone I loved to come out alive and forfeiting my life in return had seemed a good bargain.

Even if it came at the heels of condemning the rest of the world.

A hand brushed my hair to the back of my ears and I looked up in surprise. Thranduil's face was so close.

Why was he so close? He didn't, surely, he couldn't…

Thranduil clutching Ellana. Always Ellana. Erelani, the sister.

A sinking feeling grounded me, destroying every giddy feeling that had built up.

I clutched his face, stopping him right before his lips touched mine.

Those soft beautiful lips. Regret blossomed, but I shoved it away. This wasn't right.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, feeling something inside me straining until breaking point.

Thranduil took one look at my face and receded completely, his face collapsing into his hands. He just shook his head repeatedly, muttering chants of, "I can't, I can't do this."

"Who told you to do this?" I ignored the betrayal and indignation that rose up in me, both for Ellana and me. Because Thranduil's behaviour was so out of the ordinary that it could only be inspired by someone else.

"There was a meeting. Many suggested binding you to service to ensure your loyalty but Leliana suggested I use your loyalty to me instead."

"And Ellana knows about this?"

"She thought it was better than the alternative."

I looked to colours filling the horizon, unable to face Thranduil in the wake of the turmoil his words caused.

This was so much worse than a kiss inspired by pity.

How could I? Even beyond the love I had for him, he was my childhood friend, my confidante, my family.

Something inside me broke, and I knew what I had to do.

"You could have just asked me," I finally turned to face him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "All you had to do was ask for my loyalty."

He gave me a deadpan look, "That's not what happened at the Breach."

"I'm not going to engage in senseless cruelty, Thranduil. It's all too easy to commit cruelties in ignorance, but to do it knowingly…"

"You chose to let the world die to save a Desire demon, that's the definition of senseless cruelty."

"No. After killing Desire, we were going to be next. I just didn't feel motivated to save a thankless world that was going to kill the people I loved."

Thranduil sighed heavily, "You can't be this short-sighted, Erelani. Everyone matters, regardless of their feelings towards you. You can't let the world burn just because you won't be there to see it. It's not about gratitude or reward. You do it because, because," Thranduil gestured wildly, looking for the right words.

"Because no one else will. Because it's necessary," I covered my face, hunching in shame, "Fine, I'll meet the others."

Thranduil patted my head, "You need to be careful with them, Erelani. They're waiting for a reason, any reason, to cut your head off."

I closed my eyes, daunted at the task ahead of me. I was not a diplomatic person, not when dealing with humans and their ignorant bullshit. The only way I was going to survive this was by keeping my mouth shut and my head down.

Like so many elves did every day.

"Ir abelas, Erelani," He looked miserable, "For before. It won't happen again."

I nodded, ignoring the mix of relief and disappointment that flooded me.

"Just one more thing." His cautious gaze had me stiffening, "They're calling you the Herald of Andraste."

I inhaled in disbelief.

That still happened?! How?

That title was so grossly misfitting that it was insulting. Who the hell would believe that a Dalish elf was the Herald of Andraste?

Thranduil's hand on my shoulder tightened, "We're Dalish, we always endure Erelani."

What was meant as an encouragement only served to drive home how powerless we really were.

Endure.

I hate that word.