AN: There will be a gradual rewrite of the story, though there are no major changes in the plot. There will be more detail and explanations included. Rereading is upto you, but it's highly recommended.

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Oaths

'Tis not the many oaths that makes the truth,

But the plain single vow that is vow'd true.

-William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well (1600s), Act IV, scene 2, line 21.

The Haven chantry was not welcoming. The sheathes of light filtering through the windows should have softened the stone walls, but only brought its ugliness into sharp relief.

I fidgeted, evaluating the Chantry's décor, as I ignored the stares from the Chantry mothers while waiting for Leliana and Cassandra to arrive. I sneaked a look at Thranduil, who was quiet, standing off to the side with an impassive look on his face.

I twitched again, trying to bury terrible thoughts cycling in my head. Here I stood, inside the Chantry, waiting to convince its most devout followers that everything that they believed about the Fade was wrong. That I wasn't evil because I sympathised with spirits. That I didn't need to be bound magically to save the world. That they shouldn't turn me Tranquil, even if that would make their lives so much easier.

Even one of those things would need a healthy dose of luck. Yep, nothing to be terrified about. Not impossible at all.

My breathing stuttered.

Calm.

I know what to do. I've decided. There's no turning back.

A flurry of activity from the door pulled our attention to where Leliana, Cassandra, Chancellor Roderick, a blonde Templar and a lady clothed in gold and purple strode forward, arguing intensely as they approached me.

I straightened. I am Dalish. Zathrian's words echoed in my head. We do not submit. Even as we yield, we find resilience. Do not waver.

"You!" Roderick's voice rang out, "Why is she unchained?! I thought we discussed this already!"

"She helped us, Chancellor. Let's not repay her kindness by throwing her into jail," the lady dressed in purple and gold interrupted.

I shared a glance with Thranduil, and we stepped forward in unison, our backs straight despite the threatening atmosphere.

"Thranduil said you wished to speak to me," I stated neutrally, holding only Leliana's gaze and ignoring everyone else.

She nodded, before tilting her head towards the door on the far end of the Chantry, "It'll be better if we discuss this in the War Room."

"War Room?" Thranduil's eyebrow raised in alarm.

"With so many people joining the Inquisition, it's the only place we'll have privacy." Leliana gazed intensely at Thranduil who gave a minor shake of his head. Her jaw clenched for a moment before she strode purposefully into the War Room.

I waited for the rest to make their way into the room, extremely reluctant to have any of them at my back. Thranduil placed a gentle hand on my shoulder before ushering me in.

Inside, the blonde Templar and Roderick glared at us, while Cassandra maintained a stoic façade, watching us enter the room.

"Well, it's time we did introductions," Roderick scoffed at Leliana's words, but she continued as if he hadn't interrupted, "Thranduil Arwen, Erelani Arwen, you've met Cassandra Pentaghast and Chancellor Roderick, this is Cullen Rutherford, the Commander of our forces," Cullen gave a terse nod, "this is Josephine Montileyet, our Ambassador."

"Andaran ati'shan," Josephine smiled, turning completely to face me.

I jolted, thrown off guard by her use of Elvish, "Enan'salen Ambassador. You speak Elvish?"

"I'm afraid you've heard the entirety of it," Josephine took a step closer and held out a hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

I smiled at her before shaking her hand, "You're a good diplomat."

"Yes, because she needed your validation," Roderick sneered.

Josephine grimaced before moving back to the others. I ignored him, fixating on Leliana. Having worked with her, I knew that the true power lay with her as the spymaster. It didn't matter what the others thought; if she thought you were suspect, you were dealt with.

"That's enough!" Cassandra barked, "We need to discuss how we are going to proceed, and what we're going to do with the prisoner."

And I had to watch out for Cassandra.

"Discuss what we're going to do?!" Roderick turned red, "The prisoner needs to be taken to Val Royeaux, to be tried by the future Divine! That's standard procedure!"

"She isn't guilty, Chancellor. Not for the Breach, at least." Cassandra straightened, her posture indicating her readiness to defend her assertion.

"She's a Dreamer! You heard what Trevelyan said! What's more believable to you? A spirit sympathizer who failed in closing the Breach, or one who opened it? Furthermore, she failed to close it, for all you know, that was her plan all along!"

The tension in the room rose. I drew out of the gathering and watched Thranduil do the same. Our eyes met, we have no voice here. If they thought we were criminals, anything we said would be to our detriment.

You can only be heard if people want to listen.

"Chancellor, as it stands, we need her to close the Breach. We cannot ship her off to Val Royeaux, not with things as they are." Josephine interceded.

"We don't actually need her. If we seek the aid of Templars, we'll be able to close the rift." Commander Rutherford crossed his arms, "If the recounting provided by Cassandra, even Trevelyan, is correct, then we can't depend on her to act in the best interests of the Inquisition."

"Don't be foolish!" Leliana snapped, "She's the only one who can close the Breach. Or did you forget the endless demons that kept attacking until she finally woke up?"

They continued to squabble, ignoring the fact that their topic of debate could hear everything. Thranduil's jaw tightened as our situation worsened. Somehow, Roderick's argument that I was untrustworthy carried a lot of weight, and while Cassandra and Leliana seemed to be on my side, they couldn't seem to shake that accusation off, because they didn't trust me either.

"Then we make her Tranquil. No muss, no fuss." Commander Rutherford cut in, his deep timbre ringing clearly across the room.

And that was enough. I banged the table hard and everyone jumped at the sudden sound, "I think that's quite enough." My voice was quiet, but unyielding.

"You-!"

"I wasn't finished speaking," I cut a sharp look at Roderick, "I will have my say. And then you can pass your judgement."

Thranduil placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I relaxed a smidgeon, picking up his cue to calm down.

"I did not create that Breach. Those of you who were with me, know very well that someone else is responsible. I want to close the Breach. If you have any issues against me, then tell me clearly. I cannot defend myself from a crime I have no knowledge of."

"Did you protect a Desire demon?" Commander Rutherford asked immediately.

My jaws clenched, an ugly fear building at the question. I turned to Cassandra, who stared piercingly at me.

"I protected a spirit, yes."

Roderick smirked in triumph, "There we go, a confession from the criminal herself!"

"Is that the extent of my crime? That I asked you not to kill a spirit?"

Leliana's gaze spun towards me, but it was the Commander who spoke, "It makes you a maleficarum, especially since you associate with demons. As it is, you are a dreamer, which makes it that much easier for you to become an abomination!"

I closed my eyes, feeling their hatred of the Fade. They didn't want to hear anything good about it and how could I blame them? Rifts were opening across Thedas, ejecting violent spirits who only left devastation in their wake. The spirits were just panicking, but who would understand that? Defending the Fade now would only make me look guilty.

"What was the accusation that Trevelyan made?" Because that was the root of their distrust, wasn't it? That if one of our own was willing to testify against us, then we must be guilty.

"He didn't make any accusations," Josephine started placatingly and I could only raise my eyebrows in disbelief, "He said Thranduil and you were Dreamers, and that you've had dealings with spirits before, even after his strict disapproval."

My hands clenched in rage, because it was true. "I am a Spirit Healer. That's the association he's talking about."

Josephine looked taken aback, "I see. He also said you were interacting with people from Tevinter."

What? How did he know that? "Just one. Fenris. An ex-slave. The Commander knows who I'm talking about."

"You mean Hawke's companion?" Cassandra asked, surprised, "That Fenris?"

Thranduil nodded slowly, "He reached out to us many times, asking for protection from Magister Danarius."

"If it's a crime to fight against slavery," then Andraste was your biggest sinner, but Thranduil's hand squeezed painfully and I changed track, "then Trevelyan is right. As it stands, I think he's horribly mistaken."

"How convenient. Where were all these excuses a few days ago?" Roderick glared viciously at me, "You are an apostate! This is your fault! For all I know, you could be working for the true culprit and are just trying to distract us!"

"She defended a Desire demon. How can we trust her judgement after that? She could be bewitched by the demon." And somehow Commander Rutherford's words did what Roderick's couldn't; it turned everyone against me.

And really, on what grounds could I counter his logic?

"That's why we should perform the Rite of Tranquillity," And the way he said it, as though it was a kindness I should be grateful for, made that ugly desperate fear grow. He continued, "She'll be reliable as a Tranquil, and we can still use the Mark to channel energy to close the Breach."

Like I was nothing more than a mindless dog. One that could be chained and told to heel.

Josephine looked down in discomfort, fidgeting, but didn't voice any protest. Roderick looked discontent but seemed amenable to the idea.

Cassandra and Leliana were both staring at me, evaluating.

I reached out for Thranduil's tunic and grabbed tightly. Help me Thranduil. Because anything I said was just going to sound dishonest, because I was the suspect, and their accusation was true. I had saved Desire. But did that justify turning me Tranquil? I was good at many things but lying wasn't one of them.

"We are not Andrastian," Thranduil spoke up, "We are Dalish. We do not appreciate you imposing your values upon us."

"This is not a conflict of religion," Leliana replied, "We need her to cooperate with us."

"She already is," Thranduil replied, his voice dry, "I think there has been some misunderstanding. Erelani didn't defend a Desire demon, but a spirit of Love."

"What?" Cassandra breathed, astonished.

"That was a spirit of love." Thranduil repeated patiently.

"I-respectfully-there is no difference between spirts and demons," She was righter than she knew, "But are you sure?"

"You were there, you tell me."

Cassandra looked gutted, "That spirit, it, it said so many things."

"You're going to trust the words of a Desire demon now?" Roderick spat out, "This is ridiculous! They'll say anything, and you'll just swallow it up?!"

"It said, the spirit said, gods are watching," Cassandra was shaken, and her gaze swerved to Leliana, "You heard it too, didn't you? The gods are watching, and she's been chosen. Leliana, you heard it too!"

Leliana only inclined her head forward.

"I was right! She's the Herald of Andraste! I told you, I told you!" Cassandra banged her fist against the table, "She was there exactly when we needed someone! And there was a woman! There were witnesses that said they saw a woman behind her!"

"She's a Dalish elf!" Roderick roared, "She's not the Herald of Andraste!"

I recoiled, surprised by his venom.

Here lay the true crux of their fear; the possibility that an Dalish apostate could be the voice of their Maker.

"Why not?" Josephine asked, her expression placid.

That was a surprising turn in her stance from before. "Are you listening to yourself? 'Why not', she says, 'why not'? Because she isn't!" Roderick snapped.

And for the first time I found myself agreeing with him, "I think I have to agree with him. I don't think I'm the Herald of anything."

"Regardless of what you believe, the people saw what you did. They were desperate for some sign of hope, and for some, that's what you were."

"And the opposite for others."

"What has become of you people?! The Chantry already disapproves of the Inquisition, but if you claim this heretic as the Herald of Andraste, then they will denounce us!"

"Don't you mean that you will denounce us?" Leliana countered.

I grit my teeth, growing tired of their arguments. They were purely cyclic and just feeding off each other's anger but weren't accomplishing anything.

"So," I interrupted again, unable to stand the fighting any longer and desperate to reach a resolution, "Does that mean we can proceed as normal with Valo-kas?"

A sudden quiet fell in the room.

"No," Leliana enunciated slowly, "While you are not responsible for the Breach, we can't trust you won't endanger us all."

"And what will it take?"

There was a resounding silence that said only one thing.

Tranquillity.

"If you don't want to undergo Tranquillity, there is a second option." Leliana said slowly.

"Second option?" My voice was blank.

"Bind yourself to the Inquisition."

"Leliana, no! We agreed we wouldn't do this! What will the others think? What message will we be sending? Think about it!" Josephine reprimanded.

"We will not resort to blood magic!" Commander Rutherford roared.

And yet, Tranquillity was more acceptable.

Be our slave or feel nothing and be one anyways. Those were my options.

It was disappointing that I'd still held some semblance of hope for humanity. That I had expected something better than this.

Why? Because of some game? Because I had once been human?

All that stuff really didn't matter, did it? I was just an elf, in the end. A lowly elf in Thedas.

Well, the joke's on them.

"I accept," My voice cut through their arguments, shifting their focus to me, "I will bind myself to the Inquisition, if that's what it takes."

Thranduil's face broke, despair spreading across his face, "No! That's unacceptable!"

I grabbed his arm and pinched hard, "However, in the spirit of not making the Inquisition seem like another slave organization, I have conditions of my own."

"It depends on what they are," Leliana nodded agreeably.

"This will happen in full view of everyone in Haven. There will be an exit clause that I can use, if I feel I'm being taken advantage of. You won't harm anyone from Valo-kas."

"If you use the exit clause, you will have to provide sufficient reason for doing so. And everyone will be notified when you do," Leliana swiftly corrected.

"Is this really happening?" Commander Rutherford's hands shook in anger, "Leliana, I won't be party to this! This is wrong!"

"Which part of it exactly?" I asked him, trying not to sound condescending but failing miserably, "Binding someone with magic, or destroying someone's mind just to enslave them anyway?"

"That isn't what Tranquillity is!"

"Isn't it? You're going to tell me, a Dreamer, what Tranquillity is?" His face turned red, and I knew my next words were going to make me disliked, but I didn't care, "And somehow using a few drops of blood makes you worse? On what moral ground are you standing on, exactly?"

I turned back to Leliana, "I also expect payment."

"Of course."

"In land. Paid directly to Thranduil."

A tense silence descended. No one spoke.

"You don't care about my people; you never have. Not the slaves of Tevinter, not the elves in the alienage and definitely not the Dalish. My people need a home. Only a few years ago, Empress Celene massacred ten thousand elves under her care, and what justice was served? Here I stand before you, completely willing to close the Breach and you're reluctant to trust me, ready to enslave me, and some of you are ready to kill me."

The silence stretched, until, "There's no land, I mean, most of it," Josephine cut in, frazzled, "I mean, you're right of course, but there's no land, all of it has already been claimed."

"Has it? Isn't the Dales disputed territory?"

She wilted in discomfort, "There's a lord already, but the dispute, that is, the lord is," she trailed off, looking desperately to Leliana.

"Her real agenda has come out! This was all a scheme by elves, to destabilize the Chantry and cause discord among the nobility!" Roderick intervened, his face turning purple in rage.

"Right. I didn't do it, as everyone already witnessed." I sighed, "If you're going to insult me and my people by binding me, then the price of that is the Dales for Thranduil."

"And what's stopping us from killing you now?" Roderick threatened, "Even better, we can turn you Tranquil, with or without your permission, then take you to be tried by the Divine."

And he was right.

"Yes, you can," I nodded, "And there's nothing I can do to stop you. I can also make things difficult by turning into an abomination. Loss of property, loss of life and most importantly you'll lose the Mark. Then there will be no end to the demons pouring from the Fade. I don't want to do it, but I can."

"Do it," Cassandra challenged.

My eyebrows raised in surprise, I hadn't expected such a response from her. I noticed the Commander staring oddly at her too.

She clarified, "This Inquisition, it was about restoring order, fixing the mistakes we've made. Let's do it. Let's try and give the elves their own home."

And for the first time in this life, I respected a human.

Roderick left the very next day.

There was a large crowd gathered around the front of the Chantry. Dozens and dozens of people stood, pushing against the line that Inquisition soldiers created for Leliana, Cassandra and I to pass through.

They were calling it an "Oath Swearing" ceremony.

The irony.

I climbed the raised dais they had set up, resolutely looking through the crowd in the hope of finding familiar faces. And there, at the far end of the crowd, Valo-kas members stood silently, Varric and Solas standing among them. Kaari and Ellana waved at me as I passed, and I nodded back.

Leliana and Cullen stood next to me, either in support or to prevent me from escaping. Likely both. Cassandra stood in front as an honour guard. Or to trap me in.

Josephine stepped forward, her words to the crowd lost to me over the blood thumping in my ears. I hated these people and yet I was dedicating myself in service to them. The fact that I was taking a magical oath instead of a regular one clearly depicted the mistrust the advisors had for me. Framing it with pretty words wouldn't work: the public wasn't stupid.

A golden bowl filled with a red concoction was brought before me. I took a deep breath, trying to bury my anguish.

I cut my forefinger, allowing a few drops of blood to fall in before healing it shut.

"With the people of Haven as my witness, I solemnly swear," I began, ignoring the red liquid in the bowl that started bubbling, "to protect with all loyalty and conscience," something inside me tugged violently, cutting me off as the concoction suddenly splashed forward, covering my face grotesquely in it, " the people of Thedas, regardless of race, religion, station, birth, nationality and magical ability."

And as I spoke the words, tasting the bitter liquid in my mouth, I came to believe it. I was sworn. This was it, this was what I had been born to do. This was my job. Except…

"Until the breach is closed."

And with that condition, the tugging inside eased, bright golden light flashing from the concoction on my face before it receded. I had barely managed to add the exit clause, my mind swept away by the enchantment.

An eerie quiet descended and in that window of opportunity, I took my chance. My revenge.

"I took this oath, because I wanted you to know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that this Inquisition is for you. The lives of the people, the baker, the miller, handmaidens, merchants, and nobles are important. I will extend every effort to protect your life from the Breach. In that vein, the Hands of the Divine, our Commander and Ambassador will now swear their oaths."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the four of them startle in shock. I held the bowl out to Leliana expectantly as the crowd cheered.

Had they really thought I'd let them get away with binding me? For turning me into a slave? If I had to be one to be trustworthy, then they needed to be one too.

Leliana's eyes glinted dangerously. "Make the oath for the people. How else will they trust you?" I whispered, holding her gaze unflinchingly.

As she remained still, the cheering started to fade. I could feel the bewilderment of the crowd growing, "What assurance do they have that you won't compromise their lives? That some bribe won't change your priorities? Take the oath Leliana. The needs of the people come first. There is no duty more sacred or more noble."

It was Josephine who stepped forward first.

There's a difference between misery and suffering.

The people of Thedas are no strangers to misery; it was so ubiquitous that we learned to live with it. There's discrimination against every personable trait; socio-economic status, race, nationality, birth, magical ability, religion, gender, physicality and everything else that could differentiate one from another. Misery was so pervasive that no one questioned it. However, suffering is different; when disaster strikes, we actively fight, doing anything to ease the suffering of others especially since natural disasters and the Blight don't discriminate. You don't think, 'do I save this person drowning in front of me?', you save them. You help. You do anything to make life better.

It's why every Inquisitor, regardless of race, ability or gender, agreed to help the Inquisition in the game; there was no possibility that you wouldn't especially when you had the ability to do so. You don't refuse when the sky breaks open and starts raining fire.

It's why Fen'Harel, one of the culprits of said disaster, stayed behind and helped.

It's why I agreed to help, despite the terrible conditions posited to me.

But while disasters don't discriminate, people do. Despite my oaths, very few people listened to me. Their indulgences to me felt on par with the indulgences granted to young children. Worse still, I didn't have the patience to deal with their wilful ignorance and casual cruelty. Resource distribution was an issue: while some distributed food evenly, others were biased. Confronting them didn't help,

"How much can ya' elves eat? I mean, look a' you and me, who'd believe that you went frolicking about killing demons? Mind you, I love elves, don' get me wrong, Herald," Seggrit scrambled, attempting to placate, "But I'm jus' bein' fair. Waste not, want not."

Giving food to elves was a waste?

Even comments made innocently by humans stung, because they just didn't care that some things shouldn't be said,

"Look at that elf! He's so handsome! I'd let him tell me what to do! No wonder the Herald keeps him around!" One of the giggling cooks said as Thranduil and I exited the kitchen.

"Seen that Dalish girl? She only lingers around the other elves, what a waste! What I wouldn't give for her to linger around me." One of the soldiers laughed as he admired Ellana.

What would have been blatant disregard and disrespect to another human, was meant as a compliment to another race. How was I going to fight this behaviour when their belief of human superiority had already taken root in their psyche, in their society?

It made my skin crawl.

I had no idea what to do.

Thranduil found me next to the healing tents, poring through Adan's notes. I had been uncertain about the healing techniques that Adan used, but surprisingly, as an alchemist, he had little patience for traditional 'pseudo' healing. He kept a large cauldron of restoratives on hand, as well as known anaesthetics and recommended non-magical remedies. Adan kept a seamstress on hand for any serious injuries, but he wasn't trained for this occupation as he repeatedly explained in his letters to the advisors. He routinely passed requests for mage healers that was ignored. The problem was that he did a commendable job, which made his requests look like complaints rather than the serious gaps in procedure that they were. This led to him having a terrible temper.

As a Spirit Healer I helped, but he needed a dedicated mage for the role, especially with the number of patients coming in.

"Taking your vows seriously, then?" Thranduil teased gently, his sorrowful eyes contradicting his tone.

"Is there another option?"

"I suppose not. Still, doesn't hurt to bend the rules a little. Come with me, you haven't mingled with the others in a while."

"Three days, you mean."

Thranduil sighed. "Come, Erelani." He was using that soft tone that I could never say no to.

I put the papers down with a huff, following him out the door, down the bank of snow and into the loud and warm bar. Valo-kas mercenaries were crowded at the back, huddled around a fire and laughing heartily as they spilt their drinks in their inebriation. Varric, Solas, Ellana and Eldric were near them, sitting at a table and I felt my stomach sink as Thranduil beelined straight for them.

"See, Hahren! It's not so bad, is it? And as promised, more friends for when you get tired of me!" Ellana giggled, and I stared at her in incomprehension before following her gaze.

She was talking to Solas. Dread settled in as I took in her glowing green eyes and teasing smile, profiled perfectly by the fire, then Solas' transfixed gaze.

Oh, no.

I knew the power of Ellana's charms. It was a gravitational pull that even I was hard-pressed to resist, and this was despite her taking Thranduil from me.

Shit, Thranduil.

My gaze riveted, and I found him staring impassively at the wall, unmoved by the flirtations happening right next to him.

Not good.

I didn't carry any delusions of him suddenly loving me now that Ellana had seemingly moved on. Thranduil was in love with Ellana, and a fight wasn't going to change that. But when Thranduil got angry, he didn't shout; he got quiet. His cold fury was direct, cutting down the culprit with cool rationalizations that could almost never be challenged.

But he was also very forgiving. Hell, he'd even forgiven Maxwell for his crimes against us, against me. This was nothing in comparison.

Still, right now he was up in arms.

"So someone else gets that Hahren mantle at last. You finally found sense, Ellana!" I teased as I settled between Solas and her, discreetly pushing her at Thranduil. My heart wouldn't let me do more than this to help them, feeling it squeeze painfully as she collided against Thranduil's shoulder. He caught her, straightening her gently and they shared an intense look.

Fuck, it's okay. He needs to be happy.

"Hahren! Be more careful!"

"Hear that?" I raised my eyebrows at Solas, "She asked you to be more careful. Take your title more seriously," I teased.

Solas blinked, "I believe she was talking to you." I looked away, unwilling to share eye contact longer than necessary with him. I poked Eldric, "You heard it, didn't you? She called another apostate Hahren! She's replaced me! Oh, young-elder students these days, so fickle!"

Ellana gave me a not so light punch, "Stop being weird, I have many Hahrens."

I nudged Solas, "You hear that? We're a bronze a dozen to her," I shook my head mockingly, taking perverse pleasure in the joke, "No respect these days!"

Ellana groaned, "You're taking too much fun in this! It's not funny, stop."

Varric intervened, his charming smile on full display, "Glad to see you're in good spirits, Herald. You alright?"

I blinked, a little surprised at his sincerity, "Alright? Well, as good as can be expected, I suppose."

"Yeah, but one moment you're their prisoner and the next, they're calling you a Herald. It's gotta be jarring."

My smile dropped, "Jarring. Yes, that's one word for it."

"Fucking insane also works," Eldric added, shaking his head disbelievingly, "Our dear Erelani, weird, eccentric Erelani, the Herald of Andraste. Can't wrap my mind around it."

"You know why, right?" I asked drily, "It's because I'm not."

"That's not what the birds are singing," Eldric smirked.

I rolled my eyes, sneaking Ellana's food as she chatted with Varric. An elbow in my side had me laughing, and I dropped Ellana's bread back on her plate after taking a bite.

"That's disgusting, Hahren! Get your own!"

"It'll happen every time you call me Hahren, Ellana," I teased, trying to sneak Eldric's food but received a warning tap in return.

There was a sigh, and a piece of bread was held out to me. I grinned at Thranduil as I took it, "Thranduil, my saviour, what would I do without you?" I mocked.

"You'd be ten feet under the ground," He shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"Ain't that the truth." Ellana and Eldric chimed in together.

"I'm not that bad!" I protested, "Also, ungrateful shits, where would you be without me? Totally lost and completely stupid."

"Well, we have another Fade expert now, you're replaced. Bye bye, Hahren, you're right. I replaced you," Ellana started shoving me off the table, and I shoved back. A particularly hard shove had me crashing into Solas, upending his meal.

"Oh, Hahren, I'm so sorry!" Ellana stood up abruptly, profusely apologizing as Thranduil went to grab a rag.

Solas was frowning, "I trust your childishness has come to an end?"

Ellana nodded, contrite, and then his glare turned to me. Fear gripped me. I angered a god. I angered Fen'Harel. Fuck. Fuck. What do I do? He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me!

He must have seen my fear as his expression eased. His face turned unreadable and he looked away, starting to clean the mess.

Fuck, what am I doing?! Calm down. Calm down!

I couldn't let my fear of him grow. It was too debilitating.

He's not a god, just a man. Just an elf.

An immortal elf. Wasn't that bad enough? I couldn't wrap my head around immortality. It didn't make sense. It was against the natural order. Things were born, lived then died. But immortal? It's too confronting, too different. He might as well be a god, for all the sense he made to me.

Calm down.

The group started to split, Varric and Eldric heading off to talk in private, while Thranduil and Ellana sat close, whispering. Solas stood up, getting ready to leave.

I made a split-second decision.

"Uh, Solas, right? Wait a second? I mean, have a seat? Um, thought we could get to know each other?" I cringed at how awkward I sounded, regretting my decision to engage almost immediately.

He gave me a measuring look, before sitting back down next to me.

Great. Fucking great. Socializing with strangers wasn't a new concept to me, in fact, it was a skill that got polished while working as a mercenary. If you couldn't inspire goodwill from your clients, getting repeat jobs was almost impossible. And yet, there's a thing called chemistry. If someone puts off vibes that tell you to 'fuck off', there's not a thing you can do about it.

Solas was subtly telling me to 'fuck off'.

"So, Ellana says you're a Fade expert?" I asked tentatively, remembering faintly that he got off on talking about the Fade.

He finally turned his body towards me, his gaze calculating, "I've journeyed deep into the Fade in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I've watched as hosts of spirits clash to renact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten. Every war has its heroes. I'm curious what kind you'll be."

There was an awkward silence, inspired mostly by me. Let me paint a picture. You approach a stranger to make polite conversation, and in response they start performing. I wasn't unused to poetic speech; my Hahrens told their fairy tales in lilting poems. But that was for story time, not conversation. Even if nobles spoke poetically on a normal basis, I didn't. It was pretentious.

"That's nice." I replied lamely, conscious of my speech. Did he expect me to reply poetically too? "Kinda hope I'll be one that lives, you know. There's high mortality for heroes."

"The barest of ambitions, yet ultimately the strongest." His gaze was piercing, "You're a Fade expert too?"

I scratched my head sheepishly, "No, not really. Just a Dreamer. Thranduil is too! We're not experts though. Certainly didn't go into ruins and battlefields either. I only know the normal stuff, you know, spirits, magic…Fade stuff." I cringed at my lack of eloquence, hands starting to sweat in nervousness.

"I see."

"Glad you're here! You helped with the Mark and the Breach and…stuff. Couldn't have done it without you!" Shit, I need to stop talking!

"Then I'll stay. Until the Breach is closed."

I turned to him in surprise and then his words digested, "Thanks. I know it's not easy, being here." And he could've left. He could've left the world to its fate and then come back to pick up its pieces. I straightened, "Thank you for staying, and for deciding to help us. We're lucky to have you."

Solas blinked rapidly, his surprise transparent, "Thank you."

I nodded, turning quiet in thought. Solas would be considered an active threat as an apostate. I also needed to keep him close because I didn't trust him.

"Solas," I began slowly, "Stay close to Thranduil or me."

"Why?" He asked, bewildered.

I sighed, "We can only protect you from the others if you stay close. Elven apostates stick together remember?"

"I was unaware such a practise existed," His face was uncertain, "I, thank you, Herald."

A waitress dropped a plate of stew and bread in front of me, before bustling off to take another order. I passed it to him, "For before."

Before he could protest, I got up, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We're heading out to the Hinterlands tomorrow. Come with, if you want to."

"Yes, Herald."

I walked away, resolutely ignoring the eyes at the back of my head.

I did it. I lived through a conversation with Fen'Harel. I can do this. Relief swept through me, a smile blooming on my face.

I headed towards Ellana and Thranduil who had congregated around Varric and Eldric.

I smiled at them, "Where's Kaari?"

"She's gone ahead with the scouts to the Hinterlands."

"What?" My smile dropped, my eyes going to Thranduil and then Eldric expectantly.

"What what?" Eldric explained as his eyes roved over the other patrons of the bar.

"She went without telling me?"

Eldric gave me an assessing gaze before replying, "There wasn't cause for her to say no. And we thought you assigned the mission."

Alarm and confusion had me sitting straight, "Why would you think that?"

"Orders came from Leliana, but we thought you'd discussed it with her."

I turned to Thranduil, who only shook his head. He didn't know either.

The advisors sent Kaari out without asking Thranduil, her Commander. They made decisions without consulting me.

Shit.

Even though I want to storm down for an explanation, I can't. I'm incapable of counteracting this decision. Why? Because they didn't trust me. They didn't trust our motives. They were safeguarding the organisation. Which fell within the constraints of their oaths.

Fucking enchantment.

I need to gain their trust. Valo-kas needs to regain their trust.

I looked straight at Thranduil, "All of Valo-kas will journey to the Hinterlands with me. The Mage-Templar skirmishes there are bad, we'll need the backup."

Thranduil nodded.

"Ellana, Eldric?" They nodded. I turned to Varric, "And you?"

Varric sighed, "Yeah. Count me in."