(SM is the master, we are just enjoying this rainy world)

Chapter Two

To be honest, I spent way too much time in the kitchen that evening. Probably because I had a lot to sort out in my head. I haven't seen Jacob since... well, since he had broken half of his bones fighting for my life. The same life I am going to leave behind in less than a month. Seems stupid and ignorant, if you view it like that. I knew for sure—the pack thought so too.

It's not that I didn't want to see Jake. No, the opposite. I knew in my bones that there was something for me in La Push. A loose end, a friendship, my personal Sun. That last conversation should have never happened. I wanted to say that the last kiss should not have happened either, but even in my head, in my own private oasis, I could not be completely authentic. I was in love with Edward. The Edward that was probably waiting for me upstairs.

But that moment in the mountains. For a split second it was so easy to breathe. I felt warm, happy, and above all else, I felt wanted. With my beating heart and clumsy ways. With the way my blood smelled. In Jake's warm embrace, touching his warm skin, I felt like basking in the sunshine. After those long months in the rain, it felt like being back in Arizona. It felt like home.

It must have been some sort of an illusion. One look at Edward. One look into his amber eyes and I knew that nothing else was important. Just him.

I've tensed my shoulders and told myself that a few more minutes will be alright. I needed to finish the little finger sandwiches that I've started to make right after I've soaked steaks with dijon and honey. Carefully crafting tiny and absurd snacks given the werewolf that hopefully will be eating them, I found myself drifting to the topic that was banned from my delicate state of mind. The W.

I have never imagined myself getting married so young. People like me should know better, right? Growing up, I've aligned myself with values that shone light towards a relationship in a different manner. I've believed in faithfulness, friendship, and the ability to trust without a golden band on a finger. It seemed absurd that saying "yes" in front of witnesses meant more than confessing love to your soulmate privately.

I knew that by accepting his offer, I made him happy. After all, he was raised differently. So I did. I would do anything for him. Yet, it seemed a little less like a condition and a little more like a manipulation. A knife fell from my hand. Where did that come from?

A manipulation? Surely Edward would never. He knew very well that I would risk my life (well, I did) to be with him. That I chose to die in the eyes of everyone else I knew to eternally bond myself to him.

I've decided to simply end the night; I was in a lot of stress and needed a good night's sleep; that is why. Recently I've slept poorly; visions of Victoria still plagued my mind. How do you recover from the sight of a newborn vampire army? I've chuckled to myself thinking of the face of a therapist: "Yeah, you know, and then Seth revealed that he was in fact ok, lunged and ripped Riley piece by piece.". Would that score me a ticket straight to the mental facility?

I've noticed in the mirror by the stairs that my face supported dark circles around my eyes. Somehow my t-shirt seemed to hang a little loose. I had to pull myself and my stupid habits together. After all, I was dating... ok... I was engaged to a literal Adonis. People must be amused by the sight of us. Not that I cared what they thought. Didn't need to have a mind-reading ability to know that they had no clue what Edward saw in me. At times, neither did I.

There was also the narrative of a gold digger. It was bound to explode to new heights once people learned the "blessed news.". They will just add two with two. My bleak face, the rushed wedding—they will probably think I have decided to tie Edward to me by getting knocked up.

It made me clench my teeth. I reminded myself that I didn't care. I was going to live with Edward, not with some town gossips. But it made me queasy. All my life I've prided myself on being a rational person: great at school, no parties, polite and understanding. Renee and Charlie, even separated, truly worked towards ensuring my values and goals in life were clear.

A degree, a career, maybe family, but above all else they wished for me to be a decent human being. I knew that 'human being' was out of the question at this moment. And 'decent' was also going to be out of my hand for a little while. Maybe after a couple of years I will gain more control over the bloodthirst, but in the near future I will be isolated.

Never mind, I will be with Edward.

"Dad, I am calling it a night. You should also rest; tomorrow is going to be exciting." I've called from the stairs. I wanted to go back to the living room and give Charlie a hug, but that would have raised too many questions. He and I, well, we were not so touchy-feely or open with our emotions. So I smiled to myself when I heard a short and sweet "G'night.".

Instead of going to my bedroom, I turned toward the bathroom. I wouldn't say I've tried to stall my conversation with Edward. I told myself that I simply wanted to be presentable.

I've combed my hair that has grown way past my ribcage. I wonder when that happened. Maybe when you shut down emotionally and zombie your way through months of existence, hair just grows faster? I've washed my face somewhat, not bothered to use anything Alice gifted me. Water is fine. Besides, who could even know what bottle or vial I was supposed to use first?

Alice was a very bubbly and friendly person. Yet she was also rather pushy. Usually I just went with her opinion, but to be honest, I couldn't care less about dermatology or which top accentuated what. It was just clothes, and in Washington, most of them were hidden under my khaki parka most of the time.

After combing my hair once more, just so I knew my hair looked nice, I braced myself for what was coming next. This will be like negotiating between two countries. But I am Switzerland. I hope Edward will be reasonable.

So I was thinking when was the last time he had hunted—knowing very well that bright amber eyes were always in a better mood when I finally entered my bedroom.

"Hi," I said with a shy smile on my face. He was sitting in my rocking chair, and from one look at his face, I knew that he was very well aware of my plans for tomorrow.

His intense gaze made me shiver. He stayed silent, yet there was a very lovely crooked smile there. I loved that smile dearly. I think he knew it too.

"So, I was a bit preoccupied in the kitchen; sorry that it took me longer to climb up," I started, unconsciously tidying my already tidy room. What was he thinking? Was he angry?

He stood from the rocking chair but remained there. His eyes locked, not even blinking.

"Bella, don't you have something to tell me? Besides, I don't get it, why all the laboring in the kitchen? Charlie would probably eat a frozen pizza without any care." He tried to sound nonchalant, but there was that sharp edge to his tone. I gulped and reminded myself to breathe.

"What do you mean without any care?" Somehow, those words came out silent and trembling. I did not know if it was ok to ask what I was asking.

"Charlie is a man who lived on his own for all those years; he can take care of himself," he shot back.

"But I want to take care of him. And you know how much I love cooking. It's my way of showing gratitude. What is it, Edward?" Something got to me. I knew he was angry about La Push, and I could not understand why he was suddenly picking on my kitchen habits.

"The thing is you are not going to see the Blacks tomorrow. Or any other day ever. It is way too dangerous, and I trust you know better than that." Edward was still a statue in my room. Adorable, sinfully beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to apologize and confess my loyalty to him. Seeing him, I knew I had to agree. But my heart was beating so fast and so loud, I heard ringing in my ears. I closed my eyes, and with all my might, I orchestrated the following sentence.

"There is no danger. Jacob risked his and his pack's lives to save me. He is a protector, not a monster, and I would like to see him tomorrow. I... I think I will do just that." When I opened my eyes again, I could not believe it.

A light breeze from an open window was the only indicator that just seconds ago I was conversing with my fiancé. Edward was gone. Tears flowed, and I had no will to fight them. I've let them fall freely. My love, my soulmate, who promised not to ever leave my side, did just that. I knew that it was just a simple quarrel. I knew that he was pissed and thought that I was foolish. Maybe I was. But it also seemed cruel to cut the conversation by running.

It reminded me that he was still able to vanish into thin air. Just the way he did last September.

We will talk in the morning. He will see reason. Or I will apologize. But tonight is going to be my nightmare all over again. I could already feel a headache, and my body felt clammy. My joints ached, so I curled into a tight ball on my bed and prepared to dance this dance with the devil of insomnia.