Johnny woke up with his arm still wrapped around Kevin, one leg in between Kevin's. He had slept so hard that he was pretty sure he hadn't moved during the night, a rare occasion for sure.

But damned if this wasn't a nice way to wake up.

The thought caught Johnny completely off guard. How had he gone from wanting to bolt as quickly as possible after any form of intimacy to…whatever this was? He didn't know and wasn't trying all that hard to figure it out.

Something about the whole previous day felt so right, right down to being wrapped up with each other on the couch watching TV. Johnny couldn't recall when he'd done that with anyone.

And now, here he was, wrapped up around Kevin without any desire to leave. If anything, he wanted to stay here as long as he could.

Kevin shifted slightly, his fingers threading through Johnny's and curling around his hand. Johnny responded by lightly kissing the back of his neck. "You awake?"

"Hmm," Kevin murmured, "Getting there."

Johnny drew in closer and left a line of kisses down Kevin's neck. "How about now?"

Kevin moved Johnny's hand down to his crotch. "You tell me."

Johnny couldn't help laughing a little at that, nudging Kevin from behind. "Suppose we both are."

Kevin pushed back slightly. "And just what do you intend to do about it?"

Johnny pulled his hand away and slid it under the waistband of Kevin's boxers. "I have some ideas."

"I'll bet you do," Kevin pulled away briefly, returning to hand Johnny a tube, "Just be easy on me, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Johnny answered, shifting a little and squeezing out a small amount of lube onto his fingers and gently working his way inside.

Kevin squirmed a little and let out a noise that sounded like pleasure, pushing back against Johnny's fingers. Johnny found a spot near Kevin's ear, letting his mouth and tongue linger there, and Kevin let out a long sigh as he arched against him.

Something about evoking those sounds from Kevin did something for Johnny, too, and he wanted to be deep inside Kevin right now.

"Ready?" he murmured in Kevin's ear.

"Yes," the single word came out in a rush of lust and desire.

It took them almost no time at all to rid themselves of what little clothing remained, and almost as soon as they did so, Johnny attempted to enter him. After a couple of times, Johnny huffed in frustration. "Dammit."

Kevin turned his head and kissed Johnny. "Babe, if it's not working, it's not working. It's okay."

Somehow the shift in position helped, and Johnny finally pushed his way in, evoking a sharp sigh and a moan from Kevin. Johnny wrapped an arm around him, once again finding that spot on Kevin's neck that seemed to drive him absolutely wild.

It was so rough and raw, and yet, so deeply intimate in a way Johnny hadn't experienced before. This wasn't just lust, not anymore. There was something deeper here, something Johnny couldn't fully explain, but something he very much wanted more of.

"Kev, I…ah, damn," Johnny groaned roughly as he unloaded, holding on to Kevin as if he might disappear before finally relaxing. His hand drifted downward, finding Kevin's still hard flesh, curving his fingers around it before stroking, slowly at first, then finding a good, steady rhythm that had Kevin making all sorts of pleasurable sounds.

"Ah, babe, that's good," he managed to get out between strokes, "That's so good. Don't stop."

Johnny had no intention of doing so, kissing Kevin all over his neck and down to his shoulder as he kept up the steady rhythm until he could feel Kevin pulse and jerk in his hand before his release shot all over Johnny's hand.

Kevin relaxed with a sigh, reaching around to the back of Johnny's head and pulling him toward him for a kiss. "Made a mess again," he told Johnny casually.

"That's no problem," Johnny answered in an equally casual tone, "Not like it's the first time, right?"

"Right," Kevin replied with a brief sigh, "I suppose you'll want to clean up a little."

Johnny was reluctant to move but knew he should. "Yeah, suppose so. I'll be right back."

He rolled away and went into the bathroom, cleaning himself up and rinsing out the washcloth, bringing it back with him. Kevin was right where Johnny had left him, though he was now on his back with his eyes closed. Johnny climbed back on to the bed and started wiping Kevin down.

Kevin's eyes flew open, jumping at the touch before relaxing into a smile. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," Johnny told him, suddenly unsure what to do with the washcloth now. He decided to set it behind him before leaning over Kevin for a long, deep kiss.

God, this felt so good, so right, and Johnny didn't want it to end. Was this what it felt like to fall in love with someone?

Johnny froze at the thought. The feeling that was coursing through him, the desire to be so close, so intimate, that feeling was terribly familiar. So familiar, in fact, that he pulled back from Kevin, staring down at him for a long moment.

Kevin looked back at him with a baffled expression. "Something wrong?"

"I don't know," Johnny answered carefully.

Kevin nodded. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Johnny's heart started pounding hard, so hard he was sure Kevin could hear it. "I don't really know how to explain it."

"Give it a try."

Johnny shifted so that he was on his side, his hand running over Kevin's chest and stomach. "You know how we've kinda talked about Roy, right?"

"Sure," Kevin nodded.

"I, uh, kinda realized something," Johnny continued, pausing for a moment, "He and I have been friends, partners, all that stuff, for a lot of years. I love the guy. I do. And the way I feel about him, well…that's kinda the same feeling I've got for you."

Johnny waited as Kevin seemed to think about that, and he suddenly felt the need to backpedal. "I mean, I don't expect you to feel the same way. Hell, I don't wanna settle down, you don't wanna settle down, so I don't know if it even matters if I feel something for you."

"Johnny," Kevin broke in, his hand covering Johnny's.

"What?"

Kevin smiled ever so slightly. "You are something else, you know that?"

Was that a good thing? Johnny couldn't tell. "Forget it."

"I will not," Kevin told him firmly, "And I'll tell you something. I've been feeling…something more for you. It's not just a physical thing for me either."

"Okay," Johnny felt a little less like a fool, "So, uh, what're we supposed to do about it?"

"That's up to you," Kevin told him, "Obviously I'd like to see you more often, but I know that gets difficult. And seeing as neither one of us wants to be exclusive, well, I suppose nothing much has to change if you don't want it to."

Johnny was very confused. "So, what, we're just gonna keep doing…whatever we've been doing?"

"Why not?" Kevin shrugged, "As long as we're both happy with the arrangement, nothing needs to change. Matter of fact, we could have all kinds of other fun together if you wanted."

"Really," Johnny had to admit his curiosity was piqued.

"Oh, sure," Kevin looked greatly pleased at the idea, "There's lots of ways to be together. And if one of us wants to change the arrangement, well, we can talk about it. It just means we have to be honest with each other."

Johnny moved to lay down next to Kevin, getting as close to him as he possibly could. "I just wanna be with you, whatever that looks like."

Kevin moved so that he was facing Johnny. "Good, because I do, too."

He kissed Johnny hard, rolling him to his back, and they were soon tangled up together again. It wasn't long before Kevin was pushing deep inside Johnny, finding that steady rhythm, hitting that spot deep inside him, over and over until Johnny came undone, sinking into the mattress with a heavy sigh.

Kevin leaned over and kissed him. "I assume that's a good sigh."

"Mm-hmm," Johnny threaded his fingers through Kevin's hair, "I don't think I'm going anywhere for a while. Hope you don't mind."

"Not a bit," Kevin replied, pulling away. Almost immediately, Johnny could feel Kevin's tongue running over his stomach, and he caressed the top of Kevin's head.

"Keep that up and we're never leaving this bed today," Johnny told him.

Kevin laughed quietly and kissed Johnny's stomach. "You did say you weren't going anywhere for a while."

"I know, but…" Johnny didn't have a good argument in response, "Ah hell, never mind."

"Why don't I at least get some coffee going?" Kevin suggested, "You come on out when you're ready."

"Sounds good."

Johnny lay there for a long time, listening as Kevin moved around the house. What would it be like to wake up like this every day? Well, maybe not every day. After all, they both still had jobs to go to in addition to other obligations, but still. The thought kept wandering through Johnny's mind without him really knowing why. He wasn't the settling kind, he had always known that. Neither was Kevin, from the sounds of it. And who could blame them? Settling down with one person for the rest of one's life sounded boring. There was far too much fun to be had, too many other people that caught Johnny's eye, for him to be content with one person.

On the other hand, there was something to be said for spending a good chunk of time with one person, even if he wasn't crazy about the idea of settling down with that person exclusively. He supposed it was possible to have strong feelings for someone without having to settle down with them. It wasn't as if they could get married, so what was the big deal?

Finally, he rolled out of bed, found his clothes, and went to clean up a little before getting dressed and wandering out to the kitchen. He started to find himself a cup when he noticed there was one already sitting out by the coffee maker, and he filled it before turning to lean against the counter. Kevin already had bacon going, turning it in between sips of coffee. "Babe, would you pop some bread in the toaster?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Johnny answered, "How many slices do you want?"

"Two's good."

Johnny put four slices in the toaster and pushed them down, glancing over his shoulder at Kevin. He was still in nothing but his boxers, and Johnny admired how the muscles in his back and shoulders moved as he worked at the stove.

"Are you going to get the toast?" Kevin's voice snapped Johnny out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah," Johnny shook his head, "Didn't hear it pop up."

"Too busy checking me out?"

"Well, yeah," Johnny answered, his face heating up.

He heard Kevin laugh behind him, grabbing his arms and squeezing lightly before kissing the back of his neck. "I do appreciate your honesty."

That only heated Johnny up more, the heat spreading through his whole body now. He wasn't used to this easy kind of intimacy, this simple affection. It was wholly different from the casual intimacy between him and Roy during their working partnership. If that had gone in a different direction, well, Johnny supposed he wouldn't be in Kevin's kitchen right now, buttering toast for the two of them while Kevin finished the bacon and eggs.

Johnny glanced over his shoulder at Kevin once more, suddenly overwhelmed by the seemingly conflicting feelings. What he felt for Kevin wasn't much different from what he felt for Roy, the only difference being he'd never slept with Roy, and likely never would. And as much as Johnny had slept around with others, he'd never gotten all that attached to any of them.

Was it because he'd never allowed himself to, or because he genuinely hadn't felt so strongly toward someone until now? Johnny didn't know the answer to that. He wasn't all that sure it mattered. No, all that mattered was that there was something more here between him and Kevin than the mere physical, and as much as that scared Johnny, it thrilled him, too.

"Johnny," Kevin's voice once again snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Right, yeah," Johnny quickly answered as he brought the plates over to the stove, crossing back to retrieve his coffee while Kevin plated up their bacon and eggs.

"Why don't we sit outside?" Kevin suggested, "It's a lovely morning."

Johnny nodded in agreement, picking up his plate and following Kevin out to the patio. They both sat down at the table, falling into companiable silence as they ate, and for once Johnny didn't feel the need to fill that silence with his usual chatter. It was enough to just be here.

Kevin seemed to study him from across the table, to the point that Johnny was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Kevin shook his head, "Just couldn't help noticing how quiet you've been this morning."

"Just a lot on my mind, I guess," Johnny shrugged, trying to be casual about it.

"I can imagine," Kevin nodded, taking a drink of coffee, "Kind of a big deal, confessing your feelings for someone."

The bite that Johnny had just taken felt like a rock in his throat. He swallowed hard, unsure how to respond. Finally, he managed to swallow the bite before responding. "I mean, I've never really done it before."

"Really?" Kevin seemed surprised, "There's been no one else you've had feelings for?"

"Well, yeah, but Roy'd take it pretty badly if I told him how I felt about him."

"I don't mean Roy," Kevin huffed.

Johnny took a long drink of coffee, setting down the cup a little harder than he'd intended. After a long silence, he shook his head. "Not really. I mean, I've gotten around, but haven't really, you know, gotten that close to anyone. Never really wanted to."

Kevin's expression changed to a slight smile. "I get that. I've spent the last few years, well, you know. Sowing my wild oats, same as you."

"And now?"

Kevin looked thoughtful. "Well, things have changed a little, haven't they? Have to admit, I wasn't counting on seeing you again after the convention. Figured we had a good time and that was going to be the end of it. I'm very glad now that it wasn't."

Johnny let out a short laugh. "Suppose I just couldn't stay away."

"I am pretty damn irresistible," Kevin replied casually, "Or so I've been told."

"You kinda are."

"I appreciate that," Kevin rose from the table with his plate, stopping near Johnny to kiss him on top of his head, "And you're pretty damn irresistible too."

Johnny couldn't help smiling to himself, despite the heat rushing to his face at Kevin's words. He sat outside for a while longer, finishing his coffee before going back inside.

Kevin was already filling the sink when Johnny came in, and Johnny felt the need to take over. "Hey, why don't I clean up?"

"I'm not going to argue with you," Kevin told him, turning and planting a kiss on Johnny's lips, "I should get myself cleaned up anyway. I'm meeting my friend for racquetball later."

Johnny cursed internally. "You should've said something. I wouldn't have hung around so long."

"Don't be silly," Kevin scolded him, "If I had wanted to kick you out, I would have."

Johnny had to admit that was a fair point. He started washing dishes while Kevin disappeared down the hallway.

How would this work, assuming their relationship moved to the point where they might live together? Johnny stopped himself from thinking further about that. Why was he even considering that? Kevin had never made mention of being remotely interested in having someone live with him, and Johnny's place wasn't really big enough for another person.

No, it was dumb to even think about that. It would be impossible, what with their respective jobs. One of them would have to move, and it was unlikely that Kevin would be willing to come to Los Angeles, not when he had a house and an established position. But Johnny was nearly equally established with his own department, despite still living in an apartment.

Was he willing to leave it all to come here? Johnny wasn't sure about that. He'd be giving up seniority, his pension, everything to start over somewhere else. That was if he could get into another department without having to go through the academy again. He wasn't sure he could do that again. Not that he was old by any stretch, but he wasn't exactly a kid, either.

But none of that mattered, because nothing was changing. He and Kevin had already come to an agreement on that. It was foolish to consider any other possibility. He would continue to go back and forth, and maybe he could get Kevin to do the same once in a while. Meanwhile, they'd continue to have their own fun when they were apart. What was wrong with that?

Nothing was wrong with it. So why did something squeeze in Johnny's chest at the thought?

He shook off the thought and finished the dishes before cleaning up the rest of the kitchen and pouring himself another cup of coffee. By that time, Kevin had emerged again, freshly showered and carrying a duffle bag. "Is there any coffee left?"

"Yeah, think there's enough for another cup."

Kevin poured himself what was left in the pot and moved to rinse out the pot before setting it on the counter. "You do good work."

Johnny shrugged. "Comes with the territory, right?"

"Right," Kevin nodded, "One good thing about getting together with a fellow firefighter, we do know how to keep a place clean."

"True," Johnny laughed, draining the rest of his coffee, rinsing out his cup and setting it in the sink, "Suppose I should get going."

"If you insist."

"Well, I don't, but you've got plans and I should get home anyway," Johnny told Kevin as he pulled him in closer.

"Keep that up and no one's going anywhere," Kevin replied as he drew in closer, giving Johnny a lingering kiss.

"Doesn't sound so bad," Johnny murmured.

Finally, they broke apart, and Kevin squeezed Johnny's hands lightly before letting go. "Okay, go. I'm going to be late otherwise, and I won't be able to explain it."

That was like a splash of cold water. Johnny had managed to momentarily push the reality of their situation aside. Now, he couldn't ignore that. "Right."

Kevin gave him a meaningful look. "Now, listen, I don't exactly like keeping this private, either. But we both know it could be a problem if—"

"Yeah, I know," Johnny cut him off, "Believe me, I know. Anyway, I'm gonna go."

Kevin walked him to the door, gently grabbing his hand just before he headed out. "Come here."

Johnny let him pull him in for another lingering kiss before they broke apart, and Kevin lightly stroked Johnny's cheek. "We'll get together soon."

"Yeah, for sure," Johnny nodded, "And hey, you could come see me for a change."

"I could," Kevin agreed, "We'll figure out where our schedules line up, and then I can come to you so you can show me around Los Angeles."

"Yeah," Johnny was starting to feel a little better, "Got lots of places to show you."

With that, Johnny left and made his way out to the Rover, climbing in and starting it up. Kevin gave him a quick wave as Johnny started to back out of the driveway and out onto the road.

He popped in a tape and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music, letting the whole morning play out in his head. He deeply wished he could tell someone, anyone about this, how he was falling in love with Kevin, how he was thinking about trying to start a life with him.

If this were a woman, everyone in his life would be thrilled for him. The nearly confirmed bachelor settling down at last? That would be cause for celebration. Johnny had the distinct feeling that wouldn't be the case if he told everyone it was another guy.

This was dangerous, he knew that. He could lose his job if he were outed, and then what he would do? No, he'd just have to keep this under wraps. He didn't like it, but there was nothing else he could do.

He and Kevin would just have to keep this up until…well, forever, he supposed, unless by some miracle attitudes and rules changed. Would they be able to keep this a secret for that long? Johnny had no idea.

This wouldn't be easy, but Johnny had to believe it would be worth it.