"A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone."
Billy Graham
Forks...
Billy sighed as he looked at Jacob.
"Jake..." he whispered. "Why?"
His voice cracked and threatened to break. Jacob involuntarily flinched at its sound.
Sitting on his bed, wearing the same clothes Gabrielle had conjured for him and with scratches and claw marks on the walls and fabric, clothes ripped up and thrown from the closet, drawers overturned, furniture ripped up and torn to pieces, mostly out of Jake's desperate attempts to break free but also out of frustration and sheer temper. Overall, Billy's son made a pathetic sight.
Tears filled Jacob's eyes, his face was red, scratched and bruised, though rapidly healing, and his hair mussed.
"I didn't mean to," he whispered. It turned into a moan.
"You're not yourself." Billy pointed. He wheeled himself over to Jacob. His dark eyes also shone with tears. "Jake... this isn't you.
"What have you done? What have you become?" At these questions, Jacob fell into utter silence. He gave no reply.
Billy threw his eyes heavenwards and silently begged Sarah to forgive him for all his failings as a father to every single one of their children.
"I admit, I had my doubts about you imprinting on Renesmee," Billy confessed. "But what could I have done? According to our histories, you and she are soulmates."
Jake's head shot up. "We are!" He stood.
Billy said nothing. At his long and lingering look, Jacob sat back down. "Our ancestors, including Taha Aki, never realised they were part of a much wider world," Billy pointed. "They were isolated and newly-emerged. What if you aren't soulmates, Jake?" He demanded. "Because after all that-" he waved a hand in the air. "-you've given no one absolutely any indication that you and Renesmee are true soulmates. You don't even care about how she feels or what she wants," Jake's mouth dropped open with outrage, but before he could start trembling with rage, Billy plowed through without giving him a chance "unless you wish to keep her quiet and content enough to go through with your plans. Your plans for not only your future, but hers as well." His dark eyes pierced Jacob.
Jacob found himself unable to speak; unable to refute or deny his claim. Billy's dark eyes stared him down.
"You wish to impose not only your presence but your wants and needs, and your plans for the future without her input?" Billy demanded. "Without so much as a word of assent from her without coercion? Without being made to feel guilty if she wants to do otherwise?"
Jacob swallowed and looked down. Tears were rolling down his face.
"What happened that night?" Billy demanded. "The night Renesmee was born, the night you imprinted?"
Jacob froze. "What-"
"Jacob," Billy's voice was stern. "What actually happened that night? What did you do?"
Jake stared. "I don't-"
"Why were you anywhere near Renesmee, anyway? Close enough to imprint? I know you wanted to keep Bella safe and to save her life, but I doubted you wanted to be anywhere near her newborn child." Billy pointed. "You didn't want anything to do with her baby unless it was to get rid of it, preferably by killing it."
At this, Jacob flinched violently. Billy's eyes narrowed. So Seth was right.
For a moment, Billy had never felt so enraged in all his life. Not even when Sam and his pack freely admitted to their plans in killing Bella to ensure her unborn baby never got to see the light of day, had he felt so betrayed and disgusted. So infuriated. But the fury dissipated for a moment, and all Billy felt along with betrayal was disappointment. And self-hate. He was angry at Jake. He couldn't deny what he did. But he also blamed and reminded himself that Jacob seriously needed help, and it was past high time that Billy gave it to him, whether Jake liked it or not. Even if he had to be the one to put Jacob in a strait-jacket, call an ambulance and wheel him on a gurney to the nearest mental hospital in order to get treatment, he would do it.
Billy shook his head. "Jacob... why do you love Renesmee? What is it about her that you love?"
For a moment, Jake was speechless. "I-I-" Billy looked grim. "I thought so."
Jake flew to his feet. "What does that mean?" He demanded.
"I don't know," Billy retorted, unfazed in the face of Jake's fury. After all, Jacob was his son and a teenager, even though he was six-foot-seven and could turn into a giant Alpha Wolf. He was still a boy, and he'd already proved it. "Why don't you tell me? Why couldn't you answer?"
Jake became speechless again. "It's a simple question: what do you love about Renesmee? What makes her so unique, so special, so... much more than all the others, Jacob? What is it specifically about her that stands out enough to draw your attention and capture your heart?"
Jacob sunk back onto the bed. He held his head in his hands. "She's my everything," he whispered. "She's my soulmate."
"How do you know?" Billy whispered. Jacob's head shot up and he stared at his father incredulously. "Back in the day, our ancestors didn't know the earth was round. In Taha Aki's day he certainly believed something along those lines." He wheeled himself closer. Jacob stared. "Jacob... what if imprinting only gets you on your feet and out of your misery? What if it's just supposed to point you in the direction towards someone who might be a good fit for you instead of giving you something that's guaranteed?"
Jacob's eyes bugged. He gaped apparently aghast. Where was this coming from?! Billy could hear him thinking. Perhaps he wasn't ready yet. Best not to get on his bad side, Gabrielle had warned him. Just prepare him bit by bit for the eventuality. "You- you can't possibly-" he spluttered. "You can't mean-"
"I mean every word, Jake." Billy said gently but firmly. "Your sister admitted that... she's been having problems with Paul Being tied to him specifically. It wasn't as great as she thought it would be." Jake's jaw crashed to the floor at his confession.
"It's true." Billy confirmed. "Haven't you noticed? Whenever Rachel's here, Paul's back in his house or doing pack stuff. And whenever he's here, she's usually not around." Jacob inhaled sharply. His dark eyes bugged.
Quite frankly, it didn't surprise Billy that Jacob didn't notice. His imprint had consumed his entire world, and before that, his own wants and needs, his impulses and desires. He didn't have much control over his instincts. Or, more accurately, his impulses.
Which was why it was such a big mistake to give him the responsibilities of an adult, Billy thought with regret. He didn't say this out loud, however. Jake would be less likely to listen and take anything he said in mind. "She finds it too much," Billy admitted. "She told me as much when we sat down and had a talk together. She's been disturbed, you see. I won't say that Rachel wanted to be a Wolf like Leah, but she feels like she's been skipped out on and she's asking herself whether that's for a reason."
"Duh. She left. It's not like she cares."
Billy sighed at Jacob's blasé remark. He knew it was coming, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Least of all because Billy feared that he might have a point.
His family was fractured. And it wasn't just Sarah's death that did it, although it was certainly a contributing factor and a starting point. His grandpa would have been upset at the direction he was raising his kids, his own great-grandchildren. He would have been sorely disappointed in Rachel, Rebecca and even Jacob, at how they all turned out. How the girls had turned their backs on their Quileute heritage and ties to their land and people, and how Jacob... became like this. Jake only ever broke free, became an Alpha and started his own pack because Sam and his pack threatened the girl he supposedly loved and Seth followed him, with Leah following after, along with Quil and Embry. He simply thought about his own perceived needs and desires before the best interests of, well, anyone. Not his pack, not his tribe or his land. Just what he believes if for his imprints, but in truth, for Jake's own immediate, whimsical desires that he enforced on those he claimed to love. Billy doubted that he would ever willingly let Renesmee go after this. Not like Quil.
Fate dealt Quil a hard hand, but Quil fought back, Billy thought. Jake might seem strong, but in truth, Billy didn't know how long his son would remain standing before he finally broke. If he wasn't already broken, that was. But he was no leader. Not like Ephraim. Not like Taha Aki, Taha Wi and all the rest.
"Well, leaving that aside," Billy continued. "Rachel shows signs of struggling with being an imprint. And it's not just her, either. Kim is also struggling." Jake stared. "They're both having a hard time."
"I don't understand," Jacob whispered. He didn't want to, but some tiny, unacknowledged part of him did.
Billy understood immediately. He fixed Jake with his knowing look. "I think you do. You just don't want to admit it. Neither Rachel nor Kim have had any space since they were both imprinted on. Personal space, freedom- those things. Those tend to go out of the window. And for someone like your sister who's been independent for so long, used to working hard to earn her own living and being proud of that fact, doing her own thing, going where she likes, doing what she wants, seeing who she wants to see... Well, she now has to face the fact that she's constantly dragging a six-foot, muscle-bound shadow who can turn into a giant wolf." He said bluntly, as Jacob stared. "Wherever she goes. Whenever she wants to do something- anything. Even something as trivial as popping down around the corner to the gas-station to buy a can of coke or a toothbrush. Or a tube of toothpaste which was what she did yesterday- and Paul insisted on going and being there with her, or else for her to head home so he can run the errand for her. She just wanted fresh air and exercise and some time on her own. But he's always there, insisting on going with her, never letting her out of his sight, and going absolutely crazy whenever she refuses to tell him that she's going somewhere like to the ATM or Starbucks. I mean nuts. And whenever he finds out that she's left to go somewhere without him, or without telling him, he immediately charges, runnin' after her like she's on her way to meet some side-dude, to demand why she didn't tell him, why she didn't let him come with her, and eventually to insist on dragging her back with him and never letting her out of his sight." Billy allowed Jacob to take all this in. "At one point he stared shaking, trembling in public when she finally snapped and demanded he let her go and leave her alone to do her own thing and get some space. Luckily, Jared and Sam had chased after him or else he would've done the same to her as Sam did to Emily." Billy's voice was sharp.
Jacob was silent. Good. Billy thought. That might give him something to think about.
"Is that what you wish to do?" Billy asked quietly. "Is that what you wish to be like? You wish to stop her from living her own life and to get angry whenever she doesn't like your interference? You want to be a burden to her?"
Jake's eyes shot up in panic. "N-no! That's not-" he frantically began. "It's not like that!"
"Really?" Billy asked sharply. "'Cause I'm certain that's what she says it's like. What both of them- and Kim- have claimed that being imprinted is like: having absolutely no freedom whatsoever." Jacob looked like he'd been struck. Billy had spent the better part of a day speaking quietly to Rachel and Kim, before Renesmee. Sue had popped in from time to time, but Billy had wanted to see with his own eyes and listen with his own ears what these imprints had to say about their 'soulmates' and the bond they had with them.
"And that's just Rachel whose day-to-day life I've just described," Billy said sharply. "Imagine what it's like for Renesmee: someone who's had no freedom since she was born." Billy let that Jake that in for a second before continuing. "Someone who's never been allowed to have any kind of freedom and personal space whatsoever. Someone whose dad can read minds and gives no privacy to her whatsoever, whose every decision is made and every movement controlled by her father, her mother and you. Leaving aside on whether or not you only want the best for her and to keep her safe, do you know what that must feel like? How would you like being in her position?"
At Billy's demand, Jake fell totally silent. His black eyes were wide, blank and staring out into empty space. Billy could see that his words had gotten to his son. He sighed.
"I mean, whenever you wanted personal space, Jake, didn't everyone always give it to you, even when they wanted to be there for you?" Billy asked. "To stop you from being alone? The reason you refused to make contact with anyone for months while you went to live in the wild as an animal. Didn't we give you space when you wanted it? Didn't you ever want space for yourself in your entire life?"
Jake swallowed.
"And whenever you wanted to do something... when was the last time somebody else, like me, your father, made a major decision on where you would be heading or what you'd be doing, especially in regards to the rest of your life?" Billy looked pained as he stared at his son. While Jake's features were empty, Billy could see that his words had cut into the boy's soul. "Renesmee might be young, but she's entitled to these things too. Is this what the rest of your lives are going to be like?" Billy whispered. He shook his head. "Jake... what are you doing?"
Jacob didn't answer. Gabrielle had cautioned him against enforcing and insisting upon the idea that Renesmee and anyone else who had been imprinted upon was not the immediate soulmate of the imprinter, nor to confirm about the other issues that led him to imprint on her specifically. Or Sam to Emily. That being said, Sam and Emily still had a chance of working things out.
Not Renesmee or Jacob, though, Billy thought, a grim sadness descending upon him. Renesmee had made it perfectly clear that she was not going to forgive Jacob so easily. And even if she did eventually, which she hoped to do since he was mentally ill, she wasn't ever going to look at him or her father in the same way ever again. Billy understood; he even looked into her eyes and saw she meant exactly what she felt and knew that that was precisely what had already begun to happen too. Already, Renesmee had refused to allow anyone to call her Nessie, since it was the nickname Jake had come up for her. And she had already begun making plans to change her name to Swan, her mother's maiden name. Not because she wanted to cut ties with her adoptive paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles, but because both Renesmee and Bella wanted, if not to cut ties with Edward for the latter, then to put some distance between him and them and to certainly make it clear that they were done with accepting his decisions, choices and edicts without question or even a word of protest. Like Charlie, Bella had simmered beneath the surface whenever confronted with an action Edward did, like taking out her car battery to prevent her from going to see Jacob or for when him and Jake immediately started scheming to knock her unconscious with anaesthesia and terminate her unborn baby against her explicit consent but couldn't bring herself to stand up to Edward, or even to get angry, because she loved him. Not anymore. Billy had been sickened and horrified upon hearing about everything Edward and his own son had been doing, but also horribly ashamed of Jacob... and himself. How could I not have seen this? When did he become like this? Was Jacob always like this deep inside, or did he become a monster?
Billy wondered whether Bella was planning to part ways with Edward. It certainly seemed so. Renesmee no longer called him Dad only referring to him by his name. She had blatantly refused to do otherwise. Bella admitted that Edward had started calling and referring her as Mrs Cullen without so much as asking for her input and name change before they even married, and as soon as the wedding ceremony had concluded. He didn't ask for her opinion, didn't ask her to change her surname to his. He just expected it, and she did it. It made her feel bitter and angry with herself for her perceived weakness and pushover nature. Billy could see that she truly was angry and hated herself. And he had to admit, Bella did seem like a pushover or, as Charlie called it, like she had the submissive personality of a doormat. Maybe Edward and Jacob threw their weight around and abused their supernatural abilities, but Bella certainly didn't help matters by refusing to stand up for herself or her daughter. She'd resented some of Edward's decisions but couldn't bring herself to even be angry with him or call him out, either because of his smooth-talking nature or because it felt like disloyalty or betrayal to question his decision-making skills, despite the obvious holes in Edward's reasoning. Or maybe because she thought so badly of herself, like Sue had said, and because Edward and Jacob both 'gas-lit' her. Billy had reeled in horror when he heard what the term meant and researched for himself. Combine this with the plans for a forced abortion... What had Jacob done? What kind of sick psychopath had he become? Was this natural to Jacob, or did he start competing with Edward to exert his influence over Bella, and later Renesmee, which, knowing his son, Jake might very well have done.
Bella also never signed any official documents to change her name and wondered out loud on whether Edward had simply forged her signature on some documents to change it, the way he did with her Dartmouth acceptance forms. Billy had been taken aback when he'd heard this, exclaiming that this was illegal. Bella admitted that it was, and it was more likely to get them exposed too.
But it sounded like the sort of thing Jacob would do, Billy's stomach squirmed remembering this. The sort of lengths Jacob would go through. Billy still remembered the times when Jacob disabled the phone line to prevent him or Rachel from butting into what he believed was his personal business. And he took steps to make sure that Billy wouldn't be able to follow him on his wheelchair. Then there was the forced kiss that Jacob had inflicted upon Bella, and the emotional blackmail or guilt-trip he'd done to get a second and a third kiss, even to the point of threatening self-harm if Bella didn't prove her love for him and do a better job of kissing him. Is all this how far he's willing to go? Billy had never felt so horrified, pained, sickened and ashamed in all his life.
Self-blame and loathing welled up inside him, until Billy shoved it to the side. He could grovel and beg for forgiveness once his son was treated and on the mend. Not before.
Still, he wondered not only how he could have taught his son better, but also teach him to be better now that he was already convinced that he was a man grown and an Alpha, no less.
"Think about this, Jacob." Billy demanded firmly, moving closer to his delinquent son. "Think about what you're doing to her. And whether you would like it if you were in her position." Jacob flinched, turning away. But Billy didn't relent. "If you don't want to even think about this, to even consider this- heck, if you've never even considered this in the first place..." Billy trailed off. "Do you really deserve her?"
A tear shimmered in Jacob's eye. He looked like he'd been stabbed. For a few seconds, Billy regretted giving him this blow, especially knowing that there was another one to come: that there was a way to get the imprint reversed, that they weren't necessarily soulmates, and that Renesmee now wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, whatsoever. But Jacob could have, and already possibly, permanently harmed other people, including Charlie, Bella and Renesmee. That was unacceptable. This had to happen first, whether Jacob liked it or not. Jake might not be ready yet to deal with such blows, but Billy could at least prepare him the way he should have done when his son was growing into an adult, regardless of whether it was still going to hurt like hell in the end. Because Jacob still had a chance to be all the better for it. He would lose Renesmee, Billy thought. He may even lose his pack and the position of leader. But he doesn't have to lose his own life and all his chances of future happiness. But first, he had to learn.
"I-I'll do better," his son croaked. "I-I'll- I'll work hard to be the man she deserves." His voice trailed off when he saw Billy's look.
The completely heartsick, sickeningly horrified, bitterly disappointed and self-hating father sighed. He could certainly fully empathise with Charlie on how he felt: utterly remorseful, bitter and disappointed. For a moment, Billy wondered if this was what it must be like to be the parent of a juvenile delinquent who'd been put behind bars. If word of his doings reached the ears of the police, like the kiss, the plans for a forced abortion and the murder of a newborn baby, Jacob certainly would have been jailed. If so, Billy felt a moment of pity for the Cullens. But there was still time: hopefully, Jake would never get that far.
"No, Jake." Billy said softly but firmly and clearly. "Don't become a better person for Renesmee. Don't be a better person for me, Bella, Rachel or Rebecca. Or for Quil and Embry, Leah and Seth, and the rest of your pack and friends. Don't even become a better person for your mom, even though she would certainly be heartbroken and disappointed if she saw you now." His sharp tone at the end made Jacob wince, involuntarily. "Be a better person for yourself. Learn to be a better man not because of somebody else, but because of you. Because whether or not you are an imprinter, or a Wolf, or even an Alpha, a son, brother or a friend or boyfriend, you are still a person." Kim had also admitted to having problems with Jared when he started following her around and acting like he was a slavish puppy or a member of a cult with her as a figurehead. "Your own person. Because two years ago before you phased, if you'd gone forward in time and see what you've become Wolf or no Wolf... would you have liked what you saw yourself turn into? The things that you did to Bella and Renesmee? And Charlie whose life you put at direct risk but who'd always looked out for you?" He demanded.
Jacob didn't answer. How could he? He had no answers for this. He took a shuddering breath and looked at the floor.
Billy sighed, softening his gaze. "It's one thing to grow into an adult," he said softly. "It's another thing entirely to become a good person." He said with a finality in his firm tone that prevented disagreement. "Your future is yours to make of it as you will. It doesn't even matter whether or not you're a Wolf or a human. You are what you are, but it doesn't make who you are inside." He said firmly in a tone that dissuaded argument or disregard from the recipient but gentle enough for his son to remember that, after all, at the end of the day, Billy was his father. And Jake would always be his son. He would never be alone.
"But Renesmee's future, and Claire's, Rachel's, Kim's and even Emily's are their own to make. Same as Bella." He gave Jacob a knowing look. "You don't think I wouldn't find out about your forced kiss on Bella? Or how you shamelessly took advantage of my closeness to Charlie, his grudge and hatred against Edward and his affection for you to abuse his trust and care for you to keep harassing his daughter? To belittle her opinions and judgments, to act all condescending, to force a kiss on her and emotionally blackmail and guilt-trip her continuously into questioning her choices, whether or not she really wanted to be free to live her own life and make her own mistakes if the cost was that she had to hurt you?" Billy demanded.
"None of that is acceptable, Jacob. Not by a long shot." Billy said, slowly but firmly to make sure Jacob heard. Jake kept his head bowed, but Billy knew he heard every word his father had said. It was time, Billy decided, for Jake to be taught a lesson. "Charlie was right; you weren't sorry you kissed Bella against her will and held her down in place to force yourself onto her-" Jake spluttered hearing this. "-and touch her against her will." Jacob made a frantic sound of denial which Billy ignored. "But you sure were sorry because she got mad at you and could very well have cut ties with you which was what many other girls would have done in her position." Billy glowered at Jake. "You took advantage of the fact that she couldn't bear to hurt you to try to emotionally manipulate her. You don't think she couldn't read through all those pathetic single horizontal lines that you'd crossed out your sentences with on the note?" He scoffed. "How about the time you reminded her of the story about King Solomon and the two women fighting over a baby? You thought she was that blind not to see right through it? Even though you claimed that you were letting her go- and you actually may have intended to do that- all so she could be happy without seeing you get hurt and getting hurt herself seeing you all like that- she wasn't blind. You were hoping she would choose you, even then." Bella had now admitted to abuse from both Edward and Jacob.
Jake looked like he couldn't find the words to make a reply, including for a denial. He swallowed and his eyes shone wetly. Billy didn't give him a chance.
"Then, despite your claims, you ran away, living in the wild as an animal for months," his father insisted. "You don't think she would have not seen that you had second thoughts and didn't actually take things as well as you openly claimed to have?" He shook his head.
"And this wasn't even your imprint. So, Jake, let me ask you: are you going to make the same mistakes again?" He asked. Jacob was very, very still.
Billy narrowed his eyes at his son. "I asked you a question, Jacob." He said quietly but dangerously. "Are you going to treat- or mistreat- Renesmee, or anyone else, the same way as you did her mother?"
For a moment there was silence. Billy didn't relent. "If you love someone, or even care about them- heck, you don't even have to know someone to be respectful towards them." He scolded. "But you sure as hell have to respect people. As a person. As an equal. I don't care if you're an Alpha, I don't care if you're a guardian Wolf- hell, even if you are a guardian Wolf of the tribe, do you really deserve to possess the label of protector if you can't even protect people from yourself?" He demanded. His voice rose. "You think I appreciate you disconnecting the phone line or making sure I can't follow you around or even get out of the house easily on my wheelchair just 'cause you don't want anybody interfering with your personal issues, boy?" He barked.
Again, Jacob didn't answer. But he looked like he had been struck. He swallowed and looked down. He couldn't look his father in the eye. For a moment, Billy's heart squeezed painfully, but he was resolute. It had to be done- for Jake as much as for everyone else. He owed them all that much, at the very least.
Billy glowered at Jacob. "Let me tell you Jacob," he said in a harsh tone that took Jacob aback and forced him to look up. "You don't deserve to be anyone's protector if you can't protect them from yourself. If they feel like they need protecting from you." Jacob flinched like he'd been slapped. "Not Bella, not Renesmee, not your family nor any of your friends." He glared at his son. "If you truly are a man, an adult and a protector of anyone, you wouldn't threaten their right to autonomy or independence of any kind. No matter how many battles you've won, no matter how many vampires you've killed, you haven't proven yourself worthy of anything, including love and respect, unless you can respect them and their right to live their own damned lives and to make their own damned choices."
And with that, Billy wheeled himself around and went out the door, slamming it shut in his wake, leaving Jake in the dim silence of his trashed room.
Sighing, Billy shook his head. He felt terrible for Charlie. No one deserved such introductions into the world of the supernatural that Charlie got- way more than once. Was it twice or three times by now?
He spotted his daughter standing at the end of the corridor. Her dark eyes were filled with tears.
"How much did you hear?" He asked, as he wheeled himself to the living room.
Rachel bit her lip. "Enough." She admitted. Billy sighed. She followed him.
"Dad..." Rachel whispered. Billy shook his head. "I've failed you. That's enough said."
Rachel shook your head. "No- Dad-" But Billy cut her off. "It's true. I could've reached out to you and your siblings more. I could have tried to fill in the void that your mom left better than I had." He sighed. "I could've tried to make this place feel like home again, instead of..." he sighed, trailing off. "Whatever happened." He shook his head. "Instead, I let you and your sister step in the role your mother had when taking care of Jacob, and as soon as you were old enough and able to explore, broaden your horizons, you left. I can't fault you for that, Rach. Either of you." He shook his head.
Rachel swallowed and looked down. "Dad... that's not true."
"Rachel, we both know it is." Billy pointed, sighing. "What's the use in denying everything? You shouldn't have to be made to feel like you abandoned your little brother now when you and your sister were still only children when that happened. Jacob barely remembers your mother; he was so young, but he needed her. Yet he had you and Rebecca."
"And then we left." Rachel muttered bitterly. "Isn't that right?" Billy shook his head. "It was your right to leave or stay whatever you wished. Heck, people go to college all the time, Rach. That shouldn't be a bad thing to want to go places, do, learn and see things, find yourself and your place in the world."
"Sam wanted to go to college," Rachel said softly. "Paul told me. Yet he felt he had to stay."
Billy shook his head. "Sam could've gone to college and returned at some point. Perhaps that would have been the wiser idea." When he'd heard that the Appalachians Wolves had a town of their own, he couldn't believe it. They probably had a college there too, or else they went to Ivy League colleges across the country. It didn't stop them from being, what they'd heard, one of the wealthiest, safest and numerous packs in North America. Billy frowned. "Paul told you?"
Rachel sighed. "Yeah." Billy continued frowning. "He shouldn't have done that. Just because he had glimpses into his pack-mates' personal lives, or former pack-mates in this case, didn't mean he could spread things around." He looked at his daughter. "Even to his imprint."
Rachel grimaced, sheepishly. "I suppose that's true."
"Hm." Billy continued frowning. He'd told Rachel what Gabrielle had said when they sat down and had a talk but made her promise to keep her silence until the time was ripe, everything could be revealed, and the packs were confronted with the irrefutable fact that there was something wrong with their imprinting or their 'Pull Instinct' as they'd called it. They both knew that there would be severe resistance and a chance that if, like Rachel and Renesmee, there were imprints who wanted to leave but their imprinters would fight like hell to stop them, even to the point of imprisoning them or doing who-knows-what. Or like what Sam did to Emily when provoked.
They couldn't take that risk.
"You want to go through with this?" He asked Rachel again. "Just to be sure?"
Rachel took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm certain. This isn't... I dreamed about love, but this isn't the love I want. It's obsession." Billy absorbed this in silence. "I'm an idol to him, something from a cult that needs to be worshipped. Or I'm a treasured possession of his. I'm more convinced now than ever, after hearing about what you guys and the scientist Gabrielle had said, along with the other Wolves from Vermont and the Appalachians, that I am not Paul's soulmate. I can't be. Not if he wants things to be like this between us for his entire life. Not if he wishes to act this way towards his 'soulmate'."
Billy nodded. "Rach," he said hesitantly. "You heard what she said. The imprint is on overdrive. It can be fixed."
"I know that" Rachel said quietly "but I would really love some space and freedom... and to be treated as an equal. It's hard for me being in this relationship, because he's always coddling me, always trying to protect or shield me. Not just from his own imagination, but from very real things. There's no way I can pull my own weight and be an equal. And yes, in hindsight, I understand that it's my fault," she insisted "after all, I'm the one who left. If I had been a Wolf, maybe I can stand tall and proud like Leah and the others. Hold my own and all. But that didn't happen, and... you're right. It's no use moaning about it." She gave a rueful smile. "I'd like to pull my weight though, Dad. To be someone's equal. And... I'm afraid that for Paul it might be too late. It's a habit for him. And he's not going to let go easily. Even if he gives his consent for the imprint to be reversed, like with Quil, and everything is fixed with his instincts, I'm gonna need some time off and some space and freedom for myself again. Whether or not I stay here." Rachel's eyes softened. "Because this is home. I'd just forgotten. I didn't want to acknowledge it because it didn't feel the same without Mom."
Billy gave a small smile. He reached out and took Rachel's hand.
"I think I want to be there for Jake when it all breaks down," his daughter said quietly "as it inevitably would. I've been away for so long; I've forgotten what it's like to be a part of a family. You know, I used to think that the family is broken since Mom's gone," she said, looking up at him "but now I've paid the price: my baby brother doesn't see me as part of his family. He believes I can't care less."
Billy winced. "Rach."
"Dad, you heard what he said. No use denying it."
"You were a kid," Billy insisted "and even though you grew up, you still needed to be a kid before you and your sister started looking after Jake. Plus, the two of you had to deal with the loss of your mom." Rachel winced but was silent. "It's too much to ask that you two had to step up and be the adults around this place." He shook his head with regret. "It wasn't fair. And it wouldn't have been fair to expect you to stay when you wanted to grow up, explore the world, broaden your horizons, find yourself and your own place in it, and all. It's normal." He insisted. "Don't ask too much of yourself. Jake's issues..." Billy sighed, closing his eyes. He rubbed a weary hand across his face.
Rachel spoke: "He's not going to let Renesmee go so easily," she said quietly "even when faced with the facts."
Billy sighed. "He couldn't even answer me when I asked what it was about her that he loved. Or why he loved her. They were all right: it was all about Bella and her rejection of him."
Rachel said softly, "And me and Rebecca leaving him, along with Mom." She paused. "Now he's not going to let Nes- Renesmee go."
"No," Billy said, shaking his head. "He's not going to let the idea of his dream-girl go, even if she doesn't exist. There's no room for love or romance if he has only one type of girl in his mind and refuses to even see or listen about who the girl- or girls- he thinks is his dream-girl actually is beneath the surface. That's how it was for Bella. And it was unfair and hurtful towards her, same as all the things he did to her, just as Bella toying with Jake and leading him on was unfair and hurtful to him." Rachel fell silent at the reminder. "Neither of them genuinely saw or knew who the other was. And for him to ask of her- no, to expect her to fulfil this vast expectation of his, and then her very young daughter..." Billy shook his head.
"If they don't want to even find out who you really are and what you're all about, let alone aren't prepared to appreciate or at least respect it," he began "than you know they're not the right ones for you. Do you feel Paul is like that?"
Rachel hesitated. "Yeah. Maybe." He sure as hell didn't listen when she told him she needed her space. Rachel had long since taken to asking Paul to stay put in this house or his own so she could do her own thing, promising him that she'll be right back and tempting- or bribing him- with distractions like food. Paul had eaten just about everything in their house and his.
Billy nodded. "Then if you wish to leave, I will never stop you." He insisted. He gave Rachel's hand a squeeze. "Just know that whatever you choose, I'm right here for you. I'll always support you." Rachel gave a tentative smile. "And you'll always have a home wherever I am."
"Strong families cultivate an attribute of effective communication. They talk out their problems, make plans together, and cooperate toward common objectives."
Ezra Taft Benson
Old-World Coven, Carpathians...
"I can't do this anymore." Bella whispered. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse for a vampire. She felt numb.
The others gave her pitying glances. Edward's trial would begin the tomorrow night.
Vampires were largely nocturnal, even the ones who found ways around their fatal weakness to sunlight, and with the sleep potions provided that were laced with blood for them to digest, their species were now able to sleep and thus adopted the others' sleep patterns. And soon they were about to become a part of the Vampire Confederation, a pact which the majority seemed to embrace with surprising eagerness, by midnight tonight with Markus present. How oddly fitting.
The first vampire would be here to welcome and oversee their transition. The Confederation and High Council representatives had made magically-binding promises that they would not interfere with their species' internal affairs and government, but they would help them set up communities and settlements, help them adjust and have trade and business dealings with wizards who produced many of their blood products and non-magical blood banks, teach them all they needed to know about the other species and wizard-kind and how to interact and deal with them, help them set up a new government that wasn't corrupt or enslaving along with a standing army, setting up a new society with laws that prohibited the preying of humans, especially wizards and witches but even non-magical humans since the former would not stand for it and they were trying to keep themselves hidden, means of staying underground and undercover without the notice of humans, et cetera.
In two hours, all present would be witness to and take part in a ceremonial ritual that gave them the ability to, among other things, speak the Vampire Language (which apparently, they had heard during the Awakening Ceremony; it had merely been translated by magic within the crypt and they didn't even realise it) and read their script. So it was magical, Carlisle mused.
And the contract would be magically binding. It gave them many rights and freedoms, and Carlisle could see why even sceptics like Garrett, Alistair and Liam were interested in the benefits it gave them. It certainly helped that they wouldn't constantly strive to find humans that no one would miss and search for to feed upon, and to find places to dispose the bodies too without anyone picking up any traces or leads. In today's world it was increasingly hard to become a vampire without such benefits. A small price to pay to cooperate with wizards and be kept safe by also by their efforts, as much as vampires. Getting along with people with powerful magical abilities would never hurt. In truth, nobody knew for how much longer their species would remain hidden and undisturbed, unharmed by the human's experiments and Weapons of Mass Destruction. Carlisle suspected for even those too proud and solitary to say so, this was a blessed relief, a means of saving their species. For who knew for how much longer they could all stay hidden even with the Volturi's efforts? In just decades in the last century alone, non-magical humans had gained enormous leaps, advantages, improvements, advances and benefits from their technological and overall scientific progress. The vampires had remained unchanged to the point of complacency. Even the Volturi, although they certainly worked hard, were and would never have been enough in the end. How long, Carlisle had wondered, before they turned from predators into prey? How long could he and his family, including their cousins in Denali, keep up the façade of playing human and hoping that no one would notice or figure something out? Because if Bella did- even though that was largely Edward's fault- others certainly could.
No, it was better that they stick to their own kind, no matter the species, learn from them and work with other supernatural entities, no matter how anyone may feel, to ensure that they would all survive. It was just horrible really that it had to happen like this. Carlisle's heart ached as he looked at Bella, the girl he considered his own daughter, or as good as. She looked thin, pale and haunted, even for vampire standards. Although they now had a means to sleep, there were dark smudges under her eyes.
"What am I supposed to do?" Bella croaked. "Edward... he doesn't deserve to die or to be imprisoned for centuries. Or millennia. I..." She closed her eyes. "He's still Renesmee's father. He's still my husband. No matter what he's done. But I..." she took a shaky breath. "I can't trust him. None of us can."
Carlisle closed his eyes. Esme reached out and with a mournful gaze, took one of Bella's hands in her own.
"Am I still weak?" Bella whispered. "For not knowing... what to do?"
Carlisle and Esme both shook their heads. "Bella, it's not weakness to be in turmoil nor to feel conflicted." He said sternly but gently. "Don't expect too much from yourself all at once, just because you don't like what you've become. Change has to come slowly. You need to grow first."
"I have a daughter," Bella insisted. "I want... she needs me to be strong. I have to be a good mother."
"Then you can still be a good mother," Esme insisted "so long as you can take time for yourself to grow and heal. You can heal and learn how to be strong and to make the right choices on your own terms, for yourself as much as for Renesmee. There's still time. And Renesmee understands, more than you know."
Bella fell silent at the last words Esme had used, the words she'd spoken to Edward when she last saw him in his cell.
It was hard to believe only two weeks ago, Bella had been so madly infatuated with him. She'd been dazzled blind by his beauty, by his words, by everything about him.
But what did he see? She thought. Nothing but his dream-girl, who touched the romantic Edwardian schoolboy side of him, someone who didn't really exist. Or perhaps she did, but she didn't have Bella's face. Or Bella's name. Or anything of Bella, really.
So, what now? She wondered. What was there for her, for her daughter, for any of her family? How was her own father ever going to forgive her? How could she be a good mom to her own daughter when she sure as hell had a front-row seat and been the recipient of Renée's failings?
Carlisle spoke. "We spoke to Edward. He decided to send us to Chicago to settle his affairs."
"His affairs?" Bella asked, numbly.
"He goes to Chicago about every fifty years, pretending to be a new heir or blood-relative of his own family so he can inherit his house and his parents' property without anyone asking questions."
Bella shook her head. She remembered Jasper telling her the same thing. "So..."
"He wants you to go instead this time, with Renesmee." Carlisle informed her.
"To Chicago?" She asked. Carlisle and Esme nodded. "When all this is over and when you're ready." Esme promised. "He just has some papers for you to sign. You and Renesmee will inherit everything. You can just as easily give everything back to Edward once his sentence is finished." Provided he didn't get the death penalty, came the unspoken words, but Bella heard them. They all did.
Carlisle sighed. "His parents are buried there." He said, making Bella's head shoot up, alert now, her eyes wide. "He usually goes to pay his respects to their graves as well. And a great deal of personal effects too. Some photographs, important letters, diaries and journals. Personal property like his mother's jewellery. Some of them are Renesmee's and yours by right, as Elizabeth was setting them aside for if not her own daughter once she was grown-" Bella winced, remembering the sister that Edward had had who died at an early age before he could remember her "-then for her granddaughter. And a daughter-in-law. But most of her personal collection was set aside for a direct female descendant, or in the absence of such a person, a female relative just in case her fears about Edward marrying a fortune-hunter- or a gold digger as we call it today- came true." Bella winced again. "So the majority are by rights Renesmee's."
The granddaughter that she never got to meet and know about. Bella felt a surge of sorrow and pity for her daughter's biological paternal grandmother, regret that she never got to meet much less have a relationship with her own granddaughter that she supposedly wanted, as well as sudden gratitude and warmth that she even took care to acknowledge and to give something of hers as a sign of affection, for a grandchild she never even got to meet, who might not have even existed, Bella remembered, had Elizabeth Masen not given her final breath to make Carlisle promise to save her son, no matter what. Even if he had to do for Edward what he never did for anybody else.
Bella thought about her mother and how Bella herself had often managed the finances while at home in Phoenix and Downey or Riverside. How Gran Marie entrusted everything to her, not trusting Renée with the majority of her precious heirlooms and savings, although she left a considerable amount of money and property to Renée, probably knowing that she would need it, since her daughter was known to lack the ability to hold a stable job for long and was likely to waste money on things she didn't need and did almost or absolutely nothing for her. There was also money set aside for Bella to make a good life. And even though Bella didn't need the money now, it still touched her that Gran had thought so far as to do something for her future, to worry about her, even during her final moments, though Bella wished she hadn't.
I took her for granted, Bella thought. Gran's efforts brought her back to the thought of Elizabeth Masen and how far she was willing to go for her son and future grandchild. It sounded as if she would've loved Renesmee with all her heart, like Esme. But it also sounded like Edward had taken his mother for granted. Bella had barely ever heard him mention Elizabeth during all their time together, apart from the time he gave her a heart-pendant that was hers for Bella's bracelet, or his mother's engagement ring. And what would Elizabeth Masen, after what she had done, have felt if she knew that her son had willingly conspired to force an abortion on his pregnant wife and terminate their only child, despite Bella's own willingness to give her life for her baby?
Come to think about it, it wasn't all Edward. In hindsight, looking back at the duration of her perilous pregnancy, Bella couldn't believe that she had the idea to name their child Edward Jacob after both Edward and Jacob, which she thankfully never had to. She couldn't believe, especially since she felt so angry towards Renée now, that while she was willing to name their daughter after Esme, Carlisle and Charlie, that she never once thought about Elizabeth Masen. After all, Renesmee would never have been born, and Bella would never have met the supposed love of her life, had Elizabeth not persuaded Carlisle with the last vestiges of her strength and her dying breath, to save Edward. According to Carlisle, if Edward had resembled Elizabeth in terms of his looks, then Renesmee surely resembled her as well.
She whispered, "I wish I'd named Renesmee after her," Bella paused briefly "or included Elizabeth as part of her name. Even that alias I gave to J. Jenks when I thought there was no hope in the future for her." She paused. Guilt rising within her when she remembered Jacob's willingness to save and protect her daughter at all costs. But what for? That guilt... made her let him do or get away with a lot of things. Carlisle and Esme understood, judging from their faces.
Now that Bella looked back, she had been a trusting, perpetually apologetic and shameful idiot to have believed that everything was all well after so much trouble and pain just before, and that nothing was wrong, to accept Edward and Jacob's changes of heart so easily and quickly. Yeah, she didn't like Jacob imprinting at first. But she never thought to ask why he imprinted on her in the first place, instead of accepting his lame-as excuse about her wanting to be near him during her pregnancy because that was what her unborn baby- who didn't always have thoughts in the first place as Edward could have attested to- had supposedly wanted. She had been such an idiot, accepting Jacob's change of heart along with Edward's, without so much as asking why. Or what if something they had a chance to harm her baby, which Jacob had and almost did.
The memory of the hostilities both Edward and Jacob had for her unborn baby now seemed worse than ever, knowing what they both conspired to do. It stung, this particular betrayal, worse than even the others. Even the revelation about them 'gas-lighting' her and her daughter. Because now when they looked back it was revealed to have been so much worse, and so much more dangerous and harmful than she initially- foolishly- thought it had been. They were both willing to go that far, to damage her baby... what if Renesmee had inherited her shield making Edward unable to hear her thoughts? Would he still have thought her a monster? Would he still have tried to kill her if Bella had lost her life, or would he have decided not to make Bella's sacrifice in vain and simply neglect or abuse their daughter? Bella knew he wasn't above 'gas-lighting', psychologically and emotionally manipulating and abusing her and Renesmee, even when he claimed to love them.
And what would Jacob have done if the baby had been a boy with Edward's eyes, or if the Pull Instinct within him wasn't so messed up to begin with? While Bella would love nothing more than to permanently end the imprint, it had saved Renesmee's very life back then. Her baby.
Charlie was right; they were better off not knowing each other, not being friends, and certainly never having been romantically involved in the first place, Bella decided. She would always regret flirting with Jacob on their first meeting. She would regret even more going to see him during the months Edward had left. Bella took a deep breath and made eye contact with the ones she considered her parents, as much as the ones she'd had.
"I'll take Renesmee to Chicago," she said quietly. "I plan to have a talk with Charlie right after. And Phil. And then Renée. But first..." she sighed. "Jacob. And the imprint. I have to say sorry- to him and Billy. And all the others."
That included Leah. Bella knew she had been right even then. That was why she felt so much guilt.
She took a deep breath. "As for Edward... I know I'll have to speak with him after the trial. I think I'll do it after the sentence has been announced. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready yet."
Esme nodded, firm and resolute. "Take your time, Bella." She said finally. "You have every right to it."